Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Enjoyed one of our teasers? tell us here

Moderators: Fringe Security Bureau, Senior Editors, Senior Translators, Alt. Language Translator/Editor, Executive Council, Project Translators, Project Editors

Post Reply

How do you find reading Kami-sama no Inai Nichiyoubi

It was good, please do more!
114
94%
It was interesting.
7
6%
Not as good as I thought.
0
No votes
Boring. Not touching it again.
0
No votes
 
Total votes: 121

User avatar
hayashi_s
Senior Project Translator
Posts: 168
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2011 10:04 pm
Favourite Light Novel: Ahouka!
Location: 幻想郷

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by hayashi_s »

MochaCookies wrote: Good point. But hang on a second. I need to clarify something.

Is the aim of this project to get a translation of the Japanese through the Chinese, or to translate the Chinese? I've noted, after all, that the one who translated the Chinese from the Japanese was occasionally a little liberal in his translation.
The aim to is to render it into English, whether your source be Chinese or Japanese. If you feel that the J-C was liberal, and you can read Japanese at a sufficient level to render it into English, translate from the JP text. If not just translate from Chinese, and make notes where the translation was liberal so in the future anyone who reads it in JP can correct it
Alice is my waifu

wiki page
User avatar
MochaCookies
Vice Commander Itsuki
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 11:14 pm
Favourite Light Novel:

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by MochaCookies »

So by this reasoning puns and wordplay and technique shouldn't be translated unless we can explicitly see them in the Japanese text as well? Is that correct?
User avatar
hayashi_s
Senior Project Translator
Posts: 168
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2011 10:04 pm
Favourite Light Novel: Ahouka!
Location: 幻想郷

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by hayashi_s »

you should fit in puns and wordplay as long as it doesn't make the text sound too awkward or unnatural. Most idioms can be rendered in an English equivalent, if there isn't then write it in plain english.

Etc: 死んだ子の年を数える -> No use crying over spilt milk.
Something like 十年树木,百年树人 on the other hand, is best distilled into something like "it takes time to build character"

Don't get too hung up on the jp text. I'm sure the chinese translations online are decent enough(don't take my word for it, that's what I've been told.)
Alice is my waifu

wiki page
User avatar
Hiyono
Shamisen Wordsmith
Posts: 312
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:55 am
Favourite Light Novel: Ahouka!
Location: The Internets

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by Hiyono »

This is just my opinion, but there really aren't any hard and fast rules to translation, so there's no need to point out what's wrong with extreme examples. Categorically declaring that something is either good or bad is often a poor representation of reality. Just exercise your best judgment; every translator has their own style of doing things and their own sense of the balance between literal and liberal translation.
"There is always an easy solution to every problem - neat, plausible and wrong." H.L. Mencken (1971)
User avatar
MochaCookies
Vice Commander Itsuki
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 11:14 pm
Favourite Light Novel:

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by MochaCookies »

Good point... Thanks, both of you!

I guess this saves me the effort of writing in puns to match Chinese puns when there's no direct English translation, then XD
User avatar
MyProjectAlicization
Haruhiist Sensei
Posts: 94
Joined: Tue Jul 23, 2013 2:06 am
Favourite Light Novel: Ahouka!
Location: Australia

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by MyProjectAlicization »

OMG, you have puns in your chapter? ;_; now I shoulda picked that chapter
I like stuff... Not much more to say...
User avatar
pygmalion
Kyonite - The Haruhi Pacifier
Posts: 102
Joined: Sun Dec 09, 2012 7:35 am
Favourite Light Novel: Ahouka!
Location: Wikia
Contact:

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by pygmalion »

MyProjectAlicization wrote:OMG, you have puns in your chapter? ;_; now I shoulda picked that chapter
So to make MPA's life easier, I decided to put again the finalized edit of this part:
Spoiler! :
Youki looked at the glass and saw his own reflection. He saw his own heart and how its purity had been corrupted by the sins he had committed.
After a bit of hesitation, Youki drank what was left in the glass.
He then took the wine bottle, poured for himself another glass, and drank it all at once.
Ai had a mother: Anna and Anna herself had a daughter. All the villagers approved of this situation, it surely was gratifying.
Then why did this wine taste so sour? <ref>I feel like sour was an appropriate word for this situation</ref>
He changed cups and drank another glass, yet it still tasted foul. No, the foul taste wasn’t from the wine, but from the person drinking it.
The bottle was now empty, but Youki did not feel even slightly intoxicated.
He didn’t want to open another bottle, so he decided to go to sleep, passing Ai’s room on the way to his own.
His whole body felt as if it was being attracted to something. He stood in front of Ai’s room, opened the door slightly and looked in to see the small Grave Keeper sleeping happily.
After seeing her like this, Youki felt a sense of relief before closing the door again.
“Ai…”
He didn’t say goodnight, but instead,
“…I’m very sorry…”
Also, MPA, I already compiled all the updates (except this one) to the document in dropbox as you requested.
User avatar
MyProjectAlicization
Haruhiist Sensei
Posts: 94
Joined: Tue Jul 23, 2013 2:06 am
Favourite Light Novel: Ahouka!
Location: Australia

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by MyProjectAlicization »

Thanks Eth, that makes my life so much easier. *Gives Eth a gold star* Good job. Ummmmmmm I guess I'll post it on the wiki now if you already havent
I like stuff... Not much more to say...
User avatar
MochaCookies
Vice Commander Itsuki
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 11:14 pm
Favourite Light Novel:

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by MochaCookies »

MyProjectAlicization, there are probably puns all through the translation. They're all kind of subtle, so probably the Chinese translator just put them in either inadvertently or added them him/herself anyway

But lol puns are so difficult to translate anyway XD
User avatar
Rohan123
Supreme Lord Temporal
Posts: 4237
Joined: Sun Jul 07, 2013 3:35 am
Favourite Light Novel: Ore No Imouto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai!
Location: Formerly India, now lost in the world of anime.
Contact:

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by Rohan123 »

Hiyono wrote:I believe this is the part in question?
艾有了母亲;安娜跟自己有了小孩。村子里的每个人都赞成,这事可喜可贺。
那么为什么这酒喝起来这么不是滋味?
换个杯子再喝一杯,还是一样难喝。不,难喝的不是酒,是喝的人自己的问题。
"安娜跟自己有了小孩" clearly states that he's included as well. Here's my rough translation:
Ai had gained a mother; he and Anna, a daughter. The villagers all praised their efforts, this was something to be lauded.
So why, then, was this wine so tasteless?
He switched cups and drank once more - it was just as bad. No, the problem wasn't with the wine at all, but rather with the person.
According to Hiyono, the text clearly says that Youki and Anna had gained a daughter, not just Anna. MPA on the other hand is saying that only Anna had gained a daughter. It would be wise to get a third opinion on this by someone who can preferably check the JP raw, or Chinese raw if JP is not possible.
User avatar
pygmalion
Kyonite - The Haruhi Pacifier
Posts: 102
Joined: Sun Dec 09, 2012 7:35 am
Favourite Light Novel: Ahouka!
Location: Wikia
Contact:

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by pygmalion »

Rohan123 wrote: According to Hiyono, the text clearly says that Youki and Anna had gained a daughter, not just Anna. MPA on the other hand is saying that only Anna had gained a daughter. It would be wise to get a third opinion on this by someone who can preferably check the JP raw, or Chinese raw if JP is not possible.
I'll try to decipher the JP raw later.
User avatar
Rohan123
Supreme Lord Temporal
Posts: 4237
Joined: Sun Jul 07, 2013 3:35 am
Favourite Light Novel: Ore No Imouto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai!
Location: Formerly India, now lost in the world of anime.
Contact:

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by Rohan123 »

pygmalion wrote:
Rohan123 wrote: According to Hiyono, the text clearly says that Youki and Anna had gained a daughter, not just Anna. MPA on the other hand is saying that only Anna had gained a daughter. It would be wise to get a third opinion on this by someone who can preferably check the JP raw, or Chinese raw if JP is not possible.
I'll try to decipher the JP raw later.

That would be nice, and please don't misunderstand my constant pursuit of this topic as trying to insinuate that you or MPA are wrong. I just want the text to have the least errors possible.
User avatar
pygmalion
Kyonite - The Haruhi Pacifier
Posts: 102
Joined: Sun Dec 09, 2012 7:35 am
Favourite Light Novel: Ahouka!
Location: Wikia
Contact:

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by pygmalion »

Rohan123 wrote: That would be nice, and please don't misunderstand my constant pursuit of this topic as trying to insinuate that you or MPA are wrong. I just want the text to have the least errors possible.
Nah, no problem. I also understand the situation, which we are trying to find the most correct stances for each translation.
User avatar
pygmalion
Kyonite - The Haruhi Pacifier
Posts: 102
Joined: Sun Dec 09, 2012 7:35 am
Favourite Light Novel: Ahouka!
Location: Wikia
Contact:

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by pygmalion »

Rohan123 wrote: According to Hiyono, the text clearly says that Youki and Anna had gained a daughter, not just Anna. MPA on the other hand is saying that only Anna had gained a daughter. It would be wise to get a third opinion on this by someone who can preferably check the JP raw, or Chinese raw if JP is not possible.
Here's the kanji I have deciphered. Hopefully I do not make any mistake while extracting the japanese text from image:
"アイには母親が出来た。 アンナと自分には子どもが出来た。"

And the romanization is:
"Ai ni wa hahaoya ga deki ta. Anna to jibun ni wa kodomo ga deki ta."

Roughly translated, with some adjustment:
"Ai had a mother. Anna and me, also have a daughter."
The "me" can be depicted as Youki, so in this case, Hiyono's translation is the correct one.

I'll change the final version for this part as following:
[*] "Ai had a mother: Anna and Anna herself had a daughter. All the villagers approved of this situation, it surely was gratifying." to "Ai had a mother. Anna and himself also had a daughter. All the villagers approved this situation, it surely was gratifying.". I also omitted the "of" for better sounding of the sentence.

After-edit version:
Spoiler! :
Youki looked at the glass and saw his own reflection. He saw his own heart and how its purity had been corrupted by the sins he had committed.
After a bit of hesitation, Youki drank what was left in the glass.
He then took the wine bottle, poured for himself another glass, and drank it all at once.
Ai had a mother. Anna and himself also had a daughter. All the villagers approved this situation, it surely was gratifying.
Then why did this wine taste so sour? <ref>I feel like sour was an appropriate word for this situation</ref>
He changed cups and drank another glass, yet it still tasted foul. No, the foul taste wasn’t from the wine, but from the person drinking it.
The bottle was now empty, but Youki did not feel even slightly intoxicated.
He didn’t want to open another bottle, so he decided to go to sleep, passing Ai’s room on the way to his own.
His whole body felt as if it was being attracted to something. He stood in front of Ai’s room, opened the door slightly and looked in to see the small Grave Keeper sleeping happily.
After seeing her like this, Youki felt a sense of relief before closing the door again.
“Ai…”
He didn’t say goodnight, but instead,
“…I’m very sorry…”
ps: Someone please recheck my translation and romanization, just to confirm is it already the correct one or not. It's on the page 38, 4th row from the right on the JP Raw.

---
edit 1: replaced the katakana as what being corrected by KuroiHikari.
Last edited by pygmalion on Fri Aug 16, 2013 5:38 am, edited 2 times in total.
User avatar
MochaCookies
Vice Commander Itsuki
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 11:14 pm
Favourite Light Novel:

Re: Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi

Post by MochaCookies »

the translation sounds correct; and the meaning of 自己 is oneself, which in this case applies to youki.
Last edited by MochaCookies on Fri Aug 16, 2013 4:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
Post Reply

Return to “Teaser Feedback”