My own novel, Ai no shitsuji

[aihime123]

Hi!!! I'm new to this forum, but I love anime and manga!! Recently I have also taken a great interest in light novels, especially Toradora!, Shakugan no Shana, and Sakurasou pet na kanojo, which inspired me to try and write one of my own. I wanted to see what others thought of the plot, so--

Spoiler! :

Plot: Second-year high school student Murakami Hibiki lives alone in an abandoned shrine. A trickster and liar, he enjoys scaring off worshippers with his pranks, but one day he spots a beautiful high school girl praying at his shrine. After trying to scare her off, he accidentally reveals himself. She turns out to be Fujimoto Kohana, an extremely wealthy and cold-hearted girl. As it turns out, her grandmother was an acquaintance of his grandfather, and in his will he left Hibiki to Kohana as a butler!!! Now Kohana and her trustworthy maid move into his shrine, and as one of his duties as a butler, he must help her win the heart of her major crush.

[ShadowZeroHeart]

Hi!!! I'm new to this forum, but I love anime and manga!! Recently I have also taken a great interest in light novels, especially Toradora!, Shakugan no Shana, and Sakurasou pet na kanojo, which inspired me to try and write one of my own. I wanted to see what others thought of the plot, so--

Spoiler! :

Plot: Second-year high school student Murakami Hibiki lives alone in an abandoned shrine. A trickster and liar, he enjoys scaring off worshippers with his pranks, but one day he spots a beautiful high school girl praying at his shrine. After trying to scare her off, he accidentally reveals himself. She turns out to be Fujimoto Kohana, an extremely wealthy and cold-hearted girl. As it turns out, her grandmother was an acquaintance of his grandfather, and in his will he left Hibiki to Kohana as a butler!!! Now Kohana and her trustworthy maid move into his shrine, and as one of his duties as a butler, he must help her win the heart of her major crush.

Its nice to see someone wanting to try something... Anyway, as for comments, its rather hard to give much, since there is not much to talk about.

1 - Abandoned shrine, yet there are worshippers... It seems a little weird.
2 - Kohana is the master, yet she would instead, move to this "abandoned shrine" instead of making Hibiki move in to her house as a butler, it seems rather strange.

Anyway, lastly, I would like to point out that, however ridiculous or strange a plot or idea may sound, all that really matters is actually how the story is written. If you can make it interesting and good, then people can accept even the weirdest fantasies. So do not really think too much about comments you get on your ideas.

[aihime123]

Thanks. And if I put that Hibiki is moving in with Kohana that's my bad cuz I meant it to be the other way around and I planned on changing it. I'll try posting the first chapter so make sure to check it out!!!