-original-
and here are my edits“K, Kazuma!?”
Facing the embarrassed door guard's cry, Kazuma looked down upon him with condescension.
(Too slow.)
Really laid-back, in this unsafe time period where there should be a high alert, at this kind of distance and unable to be responsive is really useless and an unforgivable state.
But, after that the reaction speed is fairly good. Hearing the guard’s sounds of alert, jutsu practitioners waiting in various locations come flying out.
After about 10 seconds, Kazuma is surrounded by 10 or more jutsu practitioners.
“Call forth the Suzerain.”
Kazuma arrogantly commanded, completely ignoring the killing intent from all directions,
“Hearing and complying with the summon, then I will feel very grateful.”
(Appears to be looking for a fight.)
Even though knowing, doing so is useless provocation, but completely has no will to control it. Actually should say, that Kazuma suddenly became angry.
Not long after returning to Japan, unhappy situations constantly approach. Brought into a conflict of Kannagi Clan and someone else. Ambushed by don’t know whom, and right in front of his own eyes Ren got captured. He came in order to inform this incident, even though he swore he won’t ever get into situations of Kannagi main family.
All this has stressed Kazuma’s nerves, resulting in his extreme annoyance. He wanted to beat the crap out of somebody and it didn't matter who. This kind of mental state cannot be explained in one line, but Kazuma is currently residing in this kind of mental state.
Furthermore right here there are, idiots asking him, please hit me, even lining up and waiting for such, Kazuma certainly cannot let go of this opportunity. Breaking this confrontation, among all, one idiot steps forward. Maybe it is somebody recognizable, but Kazuma now doesn’t not have the “American time” or the need to recognize each one of them.
I took alot of liberties, so whoever is making the decisions can tell me just how far i can reword the text. I could be alot more liberal with my edits....but i was trying to keep much of the same words as was translated from the author. I found that the sentence structure made it really hard to read. My main goal was to make it easier to read.
-edited-
“K, Kazuma!?”
Facing the embarrassed door guard's cry, Kazuma looked down upon him with condescension.
(Too slow.)
In such an unsafe time period where there should be a high alert, the guardsman is too laid-back, for Kazuma to make it this close a distance and still let there be no response is a really useless and unforgivable state.
But after that, the reaction speed is fairly good. After hearing the guard’s sounds of alert, jutsu practitioners waiting in various locations came flying out.
After about 10 seconds, Kazuma is surrounded by 10 or more jutsu practitioners.
“Call forth the Suzerain.”
Kazuma arrogantly commanded, completely ignoring the killing intent from all directions.
“Should you comply with the summon, I will feel very grateful.”
(They appear to be looking for a fight.)
Even though he knows it is a useless provocation, but Kazuma still has no will to control it. It should be said that Kazuma has become very angry.
Not long after returning to Japan, Kazuma was constantly approached with unhappy situations. To be brought into a conflict between the Kannagi Clan and someone else, being ambushed by who knows what, and then right in front of his own eyes Ren got captured, Kazuma has come in order to inform this incident to the Kannagi Clan even though he swore he would never get into situations of Kannagi main family.
All of this has stressed Kazuma’s nerves, resulting in his extreme annoyance. He wants to beat the crap out of somebody and it didn't matter who. This kind of mental state cannot be explained in one line, but Kazuma is currently residing in this kind of mental state.
Furthermore right here there are idiots asking him, please hit me. They are even lining up and waiting for such, and Kazuma certainly cannot let go of this opportunity. Breaking this *confrontation* (ED: I want to change this into formation), amongst all, one idiot steps forward. Maybe it is somebody recognizable, but Kazuma now doesn’t not have the “American time” nor the need to recognize each one of them.
My native language (or i should say only language) is English, but have never really edited anything before and to tell you the truth I am terrible when it comes to keeping the same past/present/future tense.
But if you still need me, i can start going through chapter one and nitpick the sentence structure to make it easier on the eyes....that is unless you were going for a more faithfull tranlation in which case i will just do some minor tweaking with grammer and punctuation.
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Edit: I decided to redo the post and bold my changes to make it easier to find my edits.
...i might have missed some however...
But it sounds nice nonetheless 
