ばか！バカ！　馬鹿ー月！

I was considering doing another line-by-line edit log, like I did last time, but considering the length of the document and number of changes that would take me all night.... so instead, a quick rundown of the changes I made.

- Spelling corrections. Lots of minor things, some major things. The document was also (as I jokingly like to say) infected with Systemic British Vowel Syndrome (colour/honour etc). This was all fixed.

- Minor grammar changes, some changes in word forms ("wholesome" to "wholesomely" etc).

- Added "long hyphens" using – HTML code

- Verb tenses changed as required (present or immediate past tense throughout, except for the flashback)

- Fixed the butler's name throughout: "Arakawa" to agree with previous chapter "Long Island Syndrome".


That covers the brunt of it. I also did what I could to reconcile with changes made while I was reviewing it, and preserve the original as much as possible.
=Smidge=

don't see the vowel issue really, but whatever, not as if the two English are incompatible. far more important issues would be run-on sentences... and sentence fragments... all that junk, which I guarantee will come out page after page.

Yesterday, Haruhi took her pile of summer assignments to my room and shot a cold look at me, knee deep in work with my automatic pencil. Koizumi, Nagato, and Asahina-san then played with my little sister.

Just re-reading this stuff and noted this. There is a period between pencil and Koizumi, making it seem as though they are playing with Kyon's sister. Should it say he was knee deep in work with those three and his automatic pencil or something.

“Mikuru-chan! Hurry up and come here!”

“Yes.”

Seconds after nodding her head, Asahina-san

Im guessing that a direct translation of "Hi" but it seems awkard to me. Mabey "okay" or something.

The way I read it, Kyon is the only one doing any work while the others are playing. This makes sense since Kyon is the only one who's been neglecting his assignments all summer.

=Smidge=

Ya but later on
"Unlike most of us, who were close to getting carpal tunnel from all the
wrist movements, Haruhi was having a great time."
and
"Haruhi actually decided to offer input on Asahina-san's short essay."

and ealier

"Oy! Koizumi!"

"Yes, what is it?"

Koizumi seemed to have gotten a fright.

"How about you?"

"Not at all, since we have been running about through this summer. I have about half left."


Though it doesnt say what nagato and koizumi are doing, neither of them say anything but it does seem to indicate that only haruhi is the only one playing video games with the sister.

This is starting to sound like something Nutcase would say ;P

What happened to Nutcase BTW?

He got named an editor and quit! >___<

It kind of makes sence to me that they'd play with Kyon's sister for a little while. She'd probably be in there and bothering them if they didn't play with her a bit first, my little siblings are like that.

Thats fine to leave it as it is im not too concerned. Anyway in snow mountain syndrome:

It was Haruhi that grabbed him from a pack of stray cats, which happened to have a mutation in the chromosome that only occurs once in a couple thousand cats. I really should tell Haruhi to buy lottery. No matter what we got, we could somehow offset the costs of our activities. I feel rather bad having to use the Literary Club's budget all theåç time.

obviously the accented a and c should not be there.

lol! If it's something like that, just go ahead and change it!

Seriously. The great thing about Wiki is it's almost impossible to ruin it.

If something is BLATANTLY wrong, such as those extra characters, go ahead and fix it. If you make a mistake someone will come along and fix it again!

=Smidge=