Liberty in Editing

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Liberty in Editing

Postby Lenaxia » Thu Jul 30, 2009 9:26 am

Hi all,

I was wondering what kind of liberty is available to editing. I'm reading the 4th volume of Seikai no Senki and pretty much found the flow very difficult to continue with as it is awkward in a number of places. Also checking the logs and talk, it seems like this project has pretty much stalled and so I'm hoping to get some more interest in it so it can be finished up. Unfortunately I don't have the original Chinese text with me (the Japanese text would be useless to me for various reasons). Two days ago I finished the three volumes of Seikai no Monshou so its fresh in my mind and I've been trying to match the style from the books as much as possible.

I guess my question is how much freedom in editing/cleanup is allowed? I've only done the first few paragraphs of chapter 1, but I guess the best way to explain is to give an example:

This is the original text:
Spoiler! :
"ETA to time-space fusion 5 minutes"

Deputy Hecto-commander Ablïarsec Néïc Dubleuscr Bœrh Parhynr Lamhirh, the second captain of the assault frigate “Flicaubh” nodded to the report from her subordinate.

If taken into consideration that the target for the time-space fusion that's going to take place later is their time-space mines, then the executive officer and also navigator Ekuryua’s response to this report, that's already widely spread around the bridge, is surprisingly calm.

“Incoming inter-bubble message from the flagship,” communications officer rear flyer Yateshu continues to report, “All ships are to commence operations in single time-space bubbles, 1-1-0-7.”

“Send a signal of acknowledgement.” Lafiel nodded as she looks at the clyuno screen on her hand for the time.

To say “1-1-0-7” actually means the time at the start of the battle, which is 11:07.

Currently, the Flicaubh of the Scourge Squadron is currently pursuing what appear to be four time-space bubbles. Going against the flow of the dense time-space particles coming out from the center of the galaxy; the Scourge Squadron prepares to commence ambush operations.

“Deca-commander,” Lafiel orders, “Time-space separation at 1-1-0-7.”

“Without a plan.” Ekuryua murmured as she prepares the ship for time-space separation.

Lafiel feels likewise.

Once each ship separates into their own time-space bubbles, although it increases the mobility of each ship, but at the sacrifice of total defense. So, now they are intentionally flying into a mine barrage with such a frail formation.

“Should we evade?” Ekuryua asks.

If the pilot is good enough to avoid the mines to a certain degree, then we can use the assault frigate’s mobility to make up for the lack of defenses.

“No.” Lafiel quickly came to a decision, “Even if we can evade some of the mines, the squadrons in the back would not be so lucky.”

Currently the Scourge Squadron is at the vanguard of the Assault Squadron “Bosuru” moving forward. The four divisions that make up the main force of the Bosuru assault squadron follow one another.

Assault ships are particularly weak at defending against mines.

In the past, Guard ships squadrons that specialize in countering mines would protect the fleet. They would always be in-front so they can always change formations according to the need of the battle. However, this time they are not to be seen, because fierce combat on the frontlines has incurred many losses to these ships. So, in order to prevent further loses, therefore Headquarters enacted a policy that would be more reserved in the use of Guard ship squadrons.

But by doing this, headquarters basically made the assault frigate from the Scourge Squadron and the cruisers from the Scout Fleet to act as a shield for the assault ships.

“Ten seconds until time-space fusion,” reported Ekuryua. “Eight, seven, six, five ...”

Lafiel stood up from the commander’s chair and drew her sword to direct the battle.


This is as far as I've edited:
Spoiler! :
"ETA to space-time fusion 5 minutes"

The second captain of the assault frigate “Flicaubh”, Deputy Hecto-commander Ablïarsec Néïc Dubleuscr Bœrh Parhynr Lamhirh nodded to the report from her subordinate.

Considering that the coming space-time fusion was with enemy mines the response of Navigator and Executive Officer Ekuryua was suprisingly calm.

“Incoming inter-bubble message from the flagship,” Communications Officer Rear Flyer Yateshu continued to report, “All ships are to commence operations using individual space-time bubbles, 1-1-0-7.”

“Send a signal of acknowledgement.” Lafiel nodded as she looked at the Clyuno on her hand.

“1-1-0-7” actually means the time at which to commence the battle, in otherwords 11:07.

The Flicaubh of the Scourage Squadron was in pursuit of what appeared to be four space-time bubbles. Pushing against the flow of the dense space-time particles coming from the center of the galaxy, the Scourage Squadron readied to commence their ambush.

“Deca-commander,” Lafiel commanded, “space-time separation at 1-1-0-7.”

“Without a plan.” Ekuryua murmured as she prepared the ship for space-time separation.

Lafiel felt likewise.

Although it increased the mobility of each individual ship, once separated into their own space-time bubbles the assault ships sacrificed their overall defensive strength. They were flying directly into a barrage of mines with such a frail formation.

“Should we evade?” asked Ekuryua.

To a certain extent, a pilot's skill could take advantage of the Assault Frigate's mobility and compensate for the lack of defenses.

“No.” Lafiel quickly decided, “Even if we can evade some of the mines, the squadrons behind us would not be so lucky.”

The Scourage Squadron was currently the vanguard of four divisions which made up the main force of the advancing Assault Squadon "Bosuru", each squadron following the one ahead of it.

In spite of this, Assault Ships were particularly weak when defending against mines.

In the past, Guard ship squadrons specializing in anti-mine operations would protect the fleet. They were kept near the front lines allowing quick formation changes as the flow of battle changed. This time, however, they were nowhere to be seen. The fierce front line combat had incurred heavy losses to these squadrons and Headquarters changed policies in an attempt to be more conservative in their usage.

However by doing so, the Assault Frigates from the Scourage Squadron and the Cruisers from the Scout Fleet essentially became a shield for the larger Assault Ship behind them.

“Ten seconds until space-time separation,” reported Ekuryua. “Eight, seven, six, five ...”

Lafiel stood up from the commander’s chair and drew her sword to command the battle.
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Re: Liberty in Editing

Postby Dan » Thu Jul 30, 2009 3:54 pm

Well, the translations might not be as direct, but putting things into a more understandable form is what editors do. After reading so many more direct translations I guess I've gotten used to the style and don't edit to that degree, but it would probably be better. So to answer your question, I don't think you've gone out of an editor's jurisdiction.
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Re: Liberty in Editing

Postby onizuka-gto » Thu Jul 30, 2009 4:12 pm

Hello Lenaxia and welcome to Stupid Luck ! :)

You are free to edit the script in small bits, as defined by the Unified/style Guidelines,

However for any large edits, (which are defined as paragraph size editing of grammatical and interpretation nature.) You are required to register on the wiki and post a record of your edits on the forum for notification and discussion.

This is to ensure transparency of your edits and provide evidence, that you have taken the necessary steps for debate over the large alterations.
If a member of the community decides to disagrees with you and revert you editing.

As the seikai no Senki project seems to have a very low activity it does not have it's own forum for you to post your large edits as an individual topic, however you may post your edits in the primary topic which is located here:

viewtopic.php?f=44&t=1695

I look forward to reading your edits and thank you for all your future contribution to stupid Lunatics!
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Re: Liberty in Editing

Postby Lenaxia » Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:21 am

Alright, I'll go through and add all the changes I've done when I have a chance to. Thanks for the clarification.
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Re: Liberty in Editing

Postby Darklor » Sun Aug 02, 2009 8:48 am

Or you could create also a new thread for that in the auxiliary brigades under forum viewforum.php?f=44 if the other thread is to old in your opinion
Please don't mind my bad english since I'm german.

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Re: Liberty in Editing

Postby wendyss » Wed Jul 04, 2012 10:18 pm

Alright, I'll go through and add all the changes I've done when I have a chance to. Thanks for the clarification.
Last edited by KuroiHikari on Wed Jul 04, 2012 11:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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