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A Simple Survey:Volume2 Reaper05

2014-05-31T20:07:56Z

24.98.20.208:

==Reaper Game 05: Conclusion==

===Part 1===

He swung his arms around as hard as he could.

He ripped apart the thick plastic material with his hands and ran out of the bag and into the bar.

The bunny girl was sitting on a random table.

Her legs were crossed and she was grinning as she looked down on Higashikawa who was breathing erratically on the floor.

“It was probably too dark to see, but there was a pool of powerful acid below. Once the wire was released and they fell in, there was no way to save them.”

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!”

He tried to curse at her, but he could not even form such simple words.

He ignored his trembling tongue and lips, and instead simply shouted out. As the cries of beasts contained certain signals, Higashikawa’s showed less intelligence than a wild beast.

He stretched out his arms in hopes of dragging the bunny girl down from the round table and climbing on top of her.

But then something happened.

The bunny girl did not actually do anything.

“…!?”

As soon as Higashikawa gathered strength in his legs to leap at her, his feet ''unnaturally slipped.'' He collapsed clumsily and face-first to the floor as the bunny girl grinned.

“It’s no use. That attraction was quite absurd. As soon as it ended, ''the preparations were complete''.”

“Shut up!!!!!” He finally managed to form proper words. Higashikawa followed his emotions and spat out those words from the floor. “I’ll save them… I’ll save those nine no matter what!! They took the risk of choosing black to save me after I gave up on my life! All of them did!! Every single one!! It is definitely wrong for them to be used and then killed. Why did they have to die while I survived!? That’s why-…!!”

“But what are you even going to do? The stoppers for the wires were already released. They should all be dissolved down to the bone in that pool of acid. And the bones will melt away before too long.”

“…!!!!!!”

Higashikawa bit his lip and the flavor of iron oozed out.

The hope inside him was no more than refusing to imagine what he had not directly seen. It was the same as closing a cat in a metal canister and thoroughly beating the canister from outside. Saying the cat might still be alive because you had not looked inside was much too evil to be called wishful thinking.

He knew that.

He knew the truth.

Yet Higashikawa Mamoru would not give up on those nine.

He refused to give up on them!

Higashikawa’s thoughts circled around and around and around and around in his head like they had been tossed into a maze with no exit. Sweat poured from his body. He rolled clumsily across the floor, balled up in the fetal position, and could not move a single finger.

He was distancing his mind from any information from the outside world.

Was he focusing his thoughts or was it simply escapism?

Meanwhile, the bunny girl’s expression was that of someone cleaning up the trash after having fun with some noisy fireworks.

“Hm, hm. So this is what resided within me. Well, it makes sense given the format. This is the sort of story that would lead to this absurdity being overwritten onto me.”

She was saying something.

But it did not matter.

While looking down on Higashikawa who was still breathing erratically on the floor, the bunny girl broke apart one of the laptops sitting on the same round table as her. She pulled an industrial product made of colorful cords out from within.

It used a thin panel instead of a cylinder, but it resembled the time bomb used in Higashikawa’s first attraction.

“This was prepared as a penalty in case you tried to access anything we didn’t want. But the detailed design was outsourced, so I don’t really know how it works.”

Even as she said that, the bunny girl’s slender fingers ripped out the colorful cords one by one.

Over half of the 20 or more cords were likely traps.

If she carelessly severed one of them, it would explode.

And yet…

“When it isn’t supposed to explode, nothing can make it explode. This is not just a dud or a malfunction. When I am not supposed to lose, I cannot lose. ''Those are the rules that surround me right now.''”

“…”

She was annoying.

She was a bother.

What did it matter? What did that bomb with its cords ripped out matter?

“You can think this is some kind of trick if you like. But an answer like that is not going to be enough to defeat me,” said the bunny girl offhandedly.

She then tossed the silent bomb out the bar door with the carefreeness of someone tossing a magazine into the trash after reading through it.

A great roar and vibration came from the shopping mall, but Higashikawa still did not care.

What did it matter?

Would that help him save those nine?

If not, he just needed to remain silent.

Higashikawa Mamoru could not think about anything else. He could no longer think at all.

“This may be thanks to roleplaying using the storyline of gambles that toy with human lives. This goes well beyond luck or fortune. ''Just by standing here, I can call in an infinite supply of success.'' Perhaps this is something like being Nike, the goddess of victory in Greek mythology. Anyway, I played the dealer, so my version is for the part of the ruler. I have acquired the character of the Unbeatable Emperor from gambling stories. This is a good start, and it shows our project is progressing smoothly.”

She was no longer expecting any reply from Higashikawa. She seemed to be satisfied as long as someone was there to hear her speak.

There was no reason for it. This explanation and conversation held no meaning. The bunny girl was simply doing it on a whim for self-satisfaction.

Or…

Perhaps that irresponsibility was linked to the mysterious concept of the absurd she had mentioned.

“Killing those nine has created a great current. Now we on the organizer side just have to wait for our objective to complete itself. Do you know what is important here, Higashikawa-san?”

While still lying on the ground, Higashikawa finally moved just his eyes in response to his name.

“That’s right: how to deal with you.”

The bunny girl’s smile deepened.

It spread unnaturally far like butter melting in a frying pan.

“Now that those nine deaths have met the absurdity requirements, we have no logical reason to care about you any longer. Do you know what that means? What do you think is about to happen to you?”

Would he be saved?

Was she saying he would be let go?

After everything they did, would they not fight him or even give him any more challenges!?

“That’s right.”

The bunny girl smiled.

She smiled and smiled and smiled.

She pulled a knife from her cleavage and spun it around in her hand.

“If we used logic to decide what to do, the absurdity we went to such lengths to bring here might disperse.”

She would kill him because they had no reason to kill him.

Things were going well, so she would destroy everything.

If any logic remained, she would overturn it.

It was as if the world had been filled with a rule that made everything the opposite of what it was supposed to be.

“''She'' will be here soon.”

The bunny girl stood up from the round table.

She approached with a smile and a glittering blade.

“She is an aggregation of the absurd that has taken the form of a pure white girl. That absurd existence is on a completely different dimension from me. Higashikawa-san? The situation you have fallen into is most definitely absurd. If the girl and the absurd can each affect each other, then that girl can be made to appear by preparing the absurd. Makes sense, doesn’t it?”

At this stage, Higashikawa was still lying unmoving on the floor.

It was not that he did not know what was about to happen to him.

He did not think he could avoid the blade with miraculous physical ability. Nor did he think the bunny girl was so unskilled that she could not successfully stab him.

He remained silent.

Even his breathing stopped.

He truly did not make a single noise.

“Now, Higashikawa-san. I do not know if you are simply not listening or if you have lost the ability to understand what you are hearing as words, but…this is checkmate. Farewell.”

She did not hesitate.

No convenient hero rushed out to save him and no hidden ability exploded out of him at the last second.

The bunny girl’s right arm swung down and brought the knife with it.

===Part 2===

The result was simple.

Despite having his life placed on the line, Higashikawa was not interested in what happened.

As he lay on the floor, his lips moved ever so slightly.

“…Huh?” said the bunny girl. Higashikawa did not bother looking up. “The blade fell out of the handle? No, wait, wait, wait. I already proved I have the power to never lose when I am not supposed to lose. So how…''how did you call in success here?''”

What was she saying?

Why was she still talking about that?

Higashikawa could not understand it. And that was why he muttered something while lying with his right ear pressed against the floor.

He spoke about what truly mattered.

“…''I can hear it.''”

“What?”

“''I can hear a creaking noise from below the floor. Isn’t that the sound of those bags hanging from the wires!?''”

At the same moment, the laptops placed along the bar’s tables all grew red. Warning messages displaying errors appeared on all of them. From the diagram displayed along with the errors, this seemed to be related to the bags and the pulleys and gears that controlled them.

“Due to a malfunction in the attraction’s devices, they’re still hanging there? And this isn’t just one or two malfunctions… All nine of them malfunctioned!?”

The bunny girl snapped her fingers and all of the error messages disappeared. In their place, profiles for Higashikawa and the others appeared. The profiles included brief overviews of their qualifications and academic histories as well as records of their actions in the attractions.

It included a section titled Progress Report #201.

The material added under Initial Setup said the following:

''Higashikawa Mamoru.

''Viewing of and assisting in the production of snuff films.

''Mutilating a corpse and instigating the same.

''Hiyama Tomoko.

''Viewing of and assisting in the production of snuff films.

''Mutilating a corpse.

''Kazakami Shinzou.

''Viewing of and assisting in the production of snuff films.

''Mutilating a corpse.

''Matsumi Shirauo

''Viewing of and assisting in the production of snuff films.

''Mutilating a corpse.

''Rachel Skydance

''Viewing of and assisting in the production of snuff films.

''Mutilating a corpse. (Unclear if she would have done so on her own.)

“I see. When we had Player 1 mutilate that corpse in the first attraction, you took that irregular action. You convinced Rachel Skydance to mutilate her corpse in order to save her. …''And that created an imbalance in the criminal charges!!'' That’s why!!”

“…”

The technical details did not matter.

The nine of them were still alive even if just barely.

In that case, this was no time to be lying on the ground trying to escape reality.

Higashikawa Mamoru slammed his fist down on a nearby laptop and grabbed a sharp fragment of the broken screen.

At the same time, the bunny girl pulled out a new knife and rushed at Higashikawa.

They both took action.

Higashikawa shot to his feet and thrust the sharp fragment directly at the center of the bunny girl’s chest. The bunny girl swung her knife horizontally to slice through Higashikawa’s throat.

However…

“!?”

“!!”

Both attacks failed.

Cracks ran through Higashikawa’s shard and it shattered before reaching the bunny girl’s chest. Meanwhile, the blade of the bunny girl’s knife once more slipped from the handle and stabbed into the wall to the side.

The two glared at each other from close enough to grab at each other.

As the bunny girl tossed aside the knife handle, the confidence from before had vanished.

“It looks like this just isn’t going to work. At this distance, it is infinite. Even if we brought in a Gatling gun or a shoulder-fired missile, we cannot kill each other. That is simply the type of character we have been constructed as.”

“…”

“All ten of you in Player 1 and Player 2 were supposed to end this as equal characters that were nothing more than gamble participants. You would never have been able to defeat the Unbeatable Emperor who was your dealer. But your irregular actions caused an imbalance in the criminal charges meant to guide in the absurd. You could say you obtained the position of a character with ''the opportunity to play a special role among the participants.'' You could call that character the Ever-Victorious Challenger.”

“And what does that mean?”

“I like that look in your eyes. You’ve finally worked up the will to kill me. But it’s no use. The situation can never change as it is. We each have a great power that calls in success, so we will always automatically avoid death no matter how hard we try. This is a world where we could fight for 100 years and never reach a conclusion. …There is still much to research about the absurd. After all, this has even twisted time and continuity.”

“?”

“You still don’t get it? The mechanical malfunctions that saved those nine from death were most likely brought on by the character you have been given. However, when did you acquire that character? As the dealer, I gained the Unbeatable Emperor only after sacrificing those nine to guide in the absurd. Your Ever-Victorious Challenger must be the same. …''And yet your power saved those nine.'' You saved them using the character you obtained from their deaths. What can you call that if not a contradiction? This is a power that can ignore time and continuity, so how are normal weapons like knives and bombs supposed to decide our victory?”

Higashikawa did not understand what was happening, but he began to wonder if the bunny girl did not have control of the situation.

The cat had been removed from the box and its state could not be explained.

It was truly absurd.

“Then what are we supposed to do?”

“This.”

The bunny girl snapped her fingers.

Immediately afterwards, a change came over all of the laptops in the bar. White letters of the alphabet scrolled across the black screens at high speed. This was not simple English, so Higashikawa could not understand it.

“What are you doing?”

“Changing the settings of the facility’s master key,” said the bunny girl offhandedly with a single card in one hand. But what she said was very important. “This single card lets you unlock all the doors, view any files, switch on and off the traps, and control any device. It can drag those nine up with the spare machines or it can drop them into the acid.”

The master key.

That would be the best item for rescuing the other nine and for escaping the facility.

“Why are you letting me see that?”

“Because it is necessary,” readily replied the bunny girl. She moved in close enough that he could feel her breath on his face. “In the end, we are both supported by the gambling absurdities that control this field. Knives and guns have no meaning anymore. Those reasonable responses would be exterminated by the absurd. And thus we must compete according to the rules of the absurd. We must disturb these powers that call in success like the goddess of victory. That is the only way to rob the other of their power. Only once we do that can we kill each other.”

“So are you suggesting betting that master key on an attraction?”

“More or less. If you win, only your red and black card will function as the master. If I have the master key, the nine of them will die. If you have the master key, I will lose my life and the organizers’ project will be destroyed. It is only once we both put everything on the line that this attraction can overturn the absurd. This level of gamble is needed.”

“What exactly is the attraction? Guessing the password?”

“That would be meaningless. You have obtained the Ever-Victorious Challenger, so you would probably get it right just by randomly hitting the keys. ''And so I have put together some more interesting questions.''”

“…”

It was undoubtedly going to be something horrible.

Higashikawa had learned all too well how cruel the bunny girl was during that attraction with the red and black cards.

It would be something far, far above the upper limit of his imagination.

Finally, the letters stopped scrolling across the many screens.

Instead of some strange program code, it now displayed proper Japanese text.

Higashikawa focused all of his attention on grasping what it said.

And…

“……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Eh?”

As soon as he understood what it was he saw there, Higashikawa Mamoru’s thoughts stopped completely.

===Part 3===

As Higashikawa stood motionlessly, he heard the bunny girl whispering in his ear.

She was so close he could smell the sweetness of her breath.

“This was originally set up on the facility’s exit as the final challenge we could watch you suffer through.”

The final challenge.

It was not proving some difficult problem that troubled mathematicians the world over and it was not an ancient piece of text that no linguist had been able to translate.

However…

In a way, this was a much more dreadful challenge for Higashikawa than some obviously difficult problem. It was a cliff. It was a precipice.

Higashikawa spoke aloud its name.

“The attraction monitoring we took part in…?”

“ ‘Attraction 01: Deadly Bullet Game’, ‘Attraction 02: Hide-and-Seek Gamble’, ‘Attraction 03: Bang, Bang, Bang!!’, ‘Attraction 04: Sudden Death Old Maid’, ‘Attraction 05: Loser Resurrection Game’, ‘Attraction 06: Grand Slam Homer’, ‘Attraction 07: Memory Game’, ‘Attraction 08: Washing Away Blood with Blood’, ‘Attraction 09: Killing Someone by Solving a Mystery Not Involving a Murder’, and ‘Attraction 10: Earn 200,000 Yen with 1 Millimeter’. …Well, I’m sure you recognize all the names. However…”

The bunny girl smiled.

She smiled cruelly.

Her smile did not seem to simply contain evil; it seemed to symbolize evil itself.

“''This time, the rules in our archives have been updated. The deficiencies in the rules have been compensated for thanks to the monitor form you filled out.''”

It was budding.

Something pitch black and filled with cruelty was blooming.

On a personal level, this was the most difficult problem in the world.

“You must now give a strategy for the attractions you have completed yourself!! If you can get through all 10 attractions, you win. If you cannot come up with anything for even one, you lose. ''See? It’s just a simple monitoring, right!?”

They might have answers.

There might be holes remaining.

But he had been the ones to close up the holes. This attraction used the answerer’s own thought processes to seal up the holes the answerer would think up first.

Even if the questions could be answered easily with a third party’s thought processes, the answerer himself could not use those.

In other words…

“The answerer has prepared his own personal dead end! Even as his life is on the line, he himself blocks his way as his most powerful enemy!! Really, don’t you think these are the perfect kind of absurd questions for the situation!?”

Bringing out these questions almost assured a checkmate on her part.

It was like heading back into a maze one had already sealed the exit of.

However…

“If I clear this, I get the master key?”

“What?”

“I don’t know what all this Unbeatable Emperor and Ever-Victorious Challenger nonsense is about, but those absurdities with embarrassing names will disappear and I’ll be able to punch you right in the face, right?”

“Wait, you actually intend to answer them? But this attraction was made so your own thought patterns would lead you to surrender!”

“…”

Instead of answering, Higashikawa Mamoru turned toward a nearby laptop.

(You call this hard?)

He knew of a much, much harder problem. And he knew the people who had solved it. He had seen the answers given by those nine who had risked their lives to save his life in that attraction using red and black cards. They had not simply trusted Higashikawa. The entire group of ten had trusted the entire group of ten, and so they had played black so they could all survive.

Compared to that choice…

Compared to that answer…

He was not about to let these pathetic lines of text frighten him!

“This is the final challenge,” decisively said Higashikawa Mamoru as he faced the laptop. “Prepare yourself. This will be the last attraction. I don’t give a shit about the Unbeatable Emperor or the Ever-Victorious Challenger! I will destroy all of your plans here!!”

''The final challenge is about to begin. Please prepare paper, a pen, and the answer sheet you made during the monitoring.

'''Final Challenge 01: Deadly Bullet Game

In this attraction, items with point values are used to defend against bullets fired from head on. What is a surefire method of clearing this attraction?

Point of Improvement 1 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 2 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 3 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Your New Surefire Method:

(                                                                                                                                                                                                                             )

'''Final Challenge 02: Hide-and-Seek Gamble

In this attraction, the participants are divided between hiders and seekers and play hide-and-seek for a set time. If a hider is photographed by one of the seekers’ digital cameras, he is considered “caught”. What is a surefire method of clearing this attraction from the standpoint of a hider?

Point of Improvement 1 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 2 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 3 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Your New Surefire Method:

(                                                                                                                                                                                                                             )

'''Final Challenge 03: Bang, Bang, Bang!!

In this attraction, five participants are handed five handguns. Each gun has only one bullet. They fight to the death and the last survivor wins. What is a surefire method of clearing this attraction?

Point of Improvement 1 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 2 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 3 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Your New Surefire Method:

(                                                                                                                                                                                                                             )

'''Final Challenge 04: Sudden Death Old Maid

In this attraction, a shuffled deck of cards is divided between Competitor A and Competitor B. Then they are each given 26 jokers. Competitors A and B must hold out a pair of cards and play old maid with them. The competitor with fewer jokers at the end wins. What is a surefire method of clearing this attraction?

Point of Improvement 1 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 2 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 3 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Your New Surefire Method:

(                                                                                                                                                                                                                             )

'''Final Challenge 05: Loser Resurrection Game

In this attraction, pairs are created. To win, one member of the pair must have their heart stopped and the other must breathe life back into them. What is a surefire method of clearing this attraction?

Point of Improvement 1 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 2 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 3 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Your New Surefire Method:

(                                                                                                                                                                                                                             )

'''Final Challenge 06: Grand Slam Homer

In this attraction, at least one home run must be hit from balls pitched by a cutting edge pitching machine in a domed stadium. The batter has 10 chances. What is a surefire method of clearing this attraction?

Point of Improvement 1 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 2 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 3 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Your New Surefire Method:

(                                                                                                                                                                                                                             )

'''Final Challenge 07: Memory Game

In this attraction, the participant is shown a video on a monitor, must answer quiz questions to pass through bars blocking their path, and must answer a memory-based question at the end. What is a surefire method of clearing this attraction?

Point of Improvement 1 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 2 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 3 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Your New Surefire Method:

(                                                                                                                                                                                                                             )

'''Final Challenge 08: Washing Away Blood with Blood

In this attraction, the participants kill each other using various weapons drawn by lots. What is a surefire method of clearing this attraction?

Point of Improvement 1 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 2 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 3 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Your New Surefire Method:

(                                                                                                                                                                                                                             )

'''Final Challenge 09: Killing Someone by Solving a Mystery Not Involving a Murder

In this attraction, the contestants must enter a 2 digit number and then use various question cards to hide their own number and work out the other’s number. What is a surefire method of clearing this attraction?

Point of Improvement 1 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 2 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 3 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Your New Surefire Method:

(                                                                                                                                                                                                                             )

'''Final Challenge 10: Earn 200,000 Yen with 1 Millimeter

In this attraction, your own body is fixed into a guillotine. You must use buttons that drop and stop the blade to stop the blade at the very last second. What is a surefire method of clearing this attraction?

Point of Improvement 1 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 2 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Point of Improvement 3 from Your Form: (                                                                                                                                                                  )

Your New Surefire Method:

(                                                                                                                                                                                                                             )

===Part 4===

“…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………You’re kidding.”

The bunny girl muttered those words in shock.

She showed a look of amazement that had not been seen on her face before.

“But…you shouldn’t be able to solve those. You shouldn’t be able to solve them!! Those are the worst possible questions for the answerer because they used the answerer’s own thought processes to seal up his personal loopholes!!”

“''The worst possible?''” Higashikawa Mamoru frowned doubtfully after he finished typing. “''You think that’s the worst possible? This was nothing more than a simple monitoring.''”

“Oh, I see. It was ''because'' they were absolutely impossible to answer. That’s why! That has to be it!! That brought the absurd into play, didn’t it!? The power to make the impossible possible allowed you to answer those unanswerable questions!!”

“…”

Higashikawa Mamoru slowly shook his head.

He did not need any strange powers to solve something of this level.

It was just a matter of preconceptions.

The fixed idea that he could never solve it would restrict his thoughts. By resetting everything and rethinking from square one, he could find a way through.

This was just a game of creating a question and solving it oneself.

It had nothing but himself in it.

But Higashikawa knew of something else.

He knew of his nine comrades who had taken on the burden of others’ lives and futures and shown him the way to the best answer.

When he thought of them…

When their lives hung in the balance…

He could no longer think of this as his own choice. It exceeded the boundaries of playing a game with himself and new pathways of thought opened up.

When someone falls in love, gets married, has a child, or takes on responsibility for anything important, their thought processes transform into something new. This was the same as that.

“I win.”

“…”

“I win. It doesn’t matter if you accept it or not. I won the final attraction. The master key I need to rescue those nine is mine. And more importantly, we no longer need to be bound by those ridiculous powers. Isn’t that right?”

“Ha…ha ha,” laughed the bunny girl.

It was not that she had stopped thinking out of fear or that she was laughing out of desperation.

Some decisive core remained. She had not broken yet.

“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!”

“…What do you find so funny about this? Are you laughing at your own fate?”

“I can’t help but laugh. This is so absurd. This is truly absurd!! This is not what we organizers had hoped for, but it is actually of even higher purity! After that conclusion, there can be no doubting it. Objective Alice will be led here!! Our great desire shall be fulfilled!!”

The bunny girl snapped her fingers.

All of the laptops gave off a dazzling light. They were not simply displaying something. The devices themselves had obviously exceeded some sort of limit. The excessive amount of electricity caused them to give off light on the level of a camera flash, but the great burden then caused the laptops to burst to pieces and send sparks flying everywhere.

“!?”

Higashikawa covered his face with his hands and the bunny girl was gone by the time he could see again. One door to the bar was suspiciously sitting open, but he did not know if she had actually escaped through it.

However, he held the key to the entire facility in his hand.

And he still had that unnatural power to call in success that apparently came from the absurd. If what the bunny girl had said was accurate, this power was on the level of the goddess of victory who caused conflicts among the gods because simply having her on your side would give you victory in a war.

If he tried to find her, he could find her right away.

If he tried to kill her, he could kill her right away.

“But more importantly…”

The nine dangling in the great pit below the floor came first.

Higashikawa thought all of the laptops had been destroyed, but when he looked around the area, he found one laptop that was conveniently unscathed.

He did not know if it had simply survived or if his power had overturned continuity once more.

===Part 5===

Higashikawa Mamoru was a complete amateur when it came to operating such specialized devices, but all it took was randomly hitting a few keys to safely draw up the bags the nine were trapped inside like a giant game of goldfish scooping. It all went unnaturally smoothly as if some invisible force was controlling it all, but he did not care at the moment.

“H-hey, what’s going on!? Weren’t we going to be killed!?” asked Kazakami in disbelief even as he broke through the thick plastic and crawled out.

“It felt like the process suddenly stopped partway through.”

Harumi and Rachel did not seem to understand what had happened either.

After helping Hiyama out of her thick plastic bag, the high school girl named Matsumi asked, “Where’s the bunny girl?”

Higashikawa replied, “She’s no longer a threat.”

With that said, Higashikawa and the other nine left the bar. They were supposedly in a vast sealed-off area prepared by the organizers with several layers of locks keeping them in, but Higashikawa had the master key. All the electronic locks were meaningless. He easily opened the hidden doors that were practically part of the wall, the traps and sensors set in the passageways were not active, and they made it to the exit with no trouble at all.

It was a small back door made of aluminum or stainless steel.

Given everything that had happened, Anzai was cautious.

“W-will it really be this easy?”

“After everything so far, I get the feeling they are having us let down our guard before sending in something huge.”

Even Hotaru, who had given off a comparatively calm and collected impression, was overcome by suspicion.

But Higashikawa felt they had no reason to worry.

The issue had already been settled at the level of those strange absurdities. Higashikawa and the others were protected by rules of an insane world where people could not hurt each other even with shards from broken monitors, bombs, or knives. No matter what the bunny girl and the other organizers were plotting, Higashikawa doubted it would go as they expected.

And so…

He did not hesitate to grab the doorknob and turn it.

The door opened wide.

The first thing he noticed was the wind.

It was nothing more than the air of a moderately cool night flowing in. However, that wind tugged at all of their heartstrings. This was not the stale air of that vast enclosed area. This was freely flowing wind. They were overcome with emotion when struck by this completely normal sensation.

It symbolized their freedom.

It proved they had escaped alive from those attractions.

“O-oh.”

Someone spoke.

It may not have mattered who it was.

All of them then cried out.

“Oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!”

They cried out, shouted out, and then scrambled to be the first one out the door. The door was small, so they were squeezing past each other to get through. They lost their balance and fell to the ground.

They tasted dirt.

Dirt.

This was not a floor. It was a flavor that could only come from the earth.

As he reflected on that flavor, Higashikawa’s tear glands finally gave in.

“Ha ha ha!! We won… Dammit, we won!! Every single one of us escaped those insane attractions aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!”

He rolled onto his back and stared up at the starry sky. The wind had a salty smell to it, so they may have been near the ocean or on an island. He looked around while still on his back and spotted distant silhouettes of what might have been a domed stadium and a crane from a harbor.

They may have been facilities related to the past attractions they had seen in the monitor videos.

But it did not matter.

They just needed to escape. That would mean they had defeated the organizers.

The career woman named Hiyama stared down at Higashikawa’s face.

“Excellent work.”

“…We made it somehow. Almost everything was thought up at the last second, though.”

“You could have abandoned us.”

“That wouldn’t have been a victory. After everything we went through, we had to win.”

He grabbed her outstretched hand to stand up.

But then…

“…?”

When he placed his other hand against the ground to support himself, he felt something oddly hard. It almost felt like metal. Higashikawa brushed away the surface of the dirt and found something odd.

It was a handle.

He then uncovered a square frame two meters across.

“What is this?”

“It might lead to a basement,” whispered Hiyama.

Kazakami shook his head.

“Stop that. We got out. That’s all we need to do, right? If we leave and head back home, we can survive. We don’t need to head further in!!”

“But will the organizers really just let us leave?” suggested Hotaru.

Aisu spoke up in agreement.

“They have our personal information. They won’t attack our homes later, will they?”

“…”

Rachel crouched down in fear.

[[Image:Survey_v02_465.jpg|thumb]]

Higashikawa honestly doubted the organizers could damage them now. He did not understand any of this absurdity or Ever-Victorious Challenger nonsense, but the power balance had already been made clear. Regardless of Higashikawa’s own ability, the organizers would be automatically eliminated due to the power to call in success.

But would that power protect him forever?

He had no idea what rules it was based in or what fuel it consumed to function. It could be that once he left this place, once he woke up the next day, or once he had forgotten about it, he would suddenly find the power was gone and he was completely defenseless.

Had they truly ensured their safety?

Was it not better to approach the core of the organizers while he had this overwhelming power and could get away with a bit of risk?

With Anzai’s help, Higashikawa opened the door in the ground. As expected, it contained concrete stairs leading underground. It was too dark inside to see what was there.

“Are the organizers in there?” asked Harumi.

“Who even are the organizers? It certainly sounded like there were more than just the bunny girl,” said Kozue.

Higashikawa was just as curious.

For one thing, he still did not know why they had carried out these large-scale attractions. It seemed the bunny girl had achieved some sort of goal, but he did not know what that meant.

And…

If he could gain control of whatever that was, would he be able to use it as a powerful card in negotiations with the organizers?

“What should we do?” asked Anzai Kyousuke. “Will we continue on or escape outside?”

“…”

Higashikawa thought.

Having all ten of them leave together would likely be the greatest result. But any slight mistake would get them all killed.

On the other hand, the cornerstone of the organizers’ plan might be right before his eyes. The thought of stealing it or destroying it was too much to pass up. Higashikawa and the others had been on the receiving end the entire time, and they finally had a real chance to fight back.

What would he do?

What would he choose?

After thinking for a while, he finally spoke.

“I’ll go. If there are any traps, it’s better if only one person is caught in them.”

Higashikawa and the other nine had defeated the organizers. They had all survived the attractions.

But the one who had won under a special set of rules and had gained the most from his victory was clearly Higashikawa. The one to set foot in the most dangerous place had to be the one who had obtained the Ever-Victorious Challenger.

Anzai asked, “Are you sure?”

“If we overlook this here, it could come back to bite us in the ass. I will find something we can use to ensure we will not be attacked again after escaping. That is the best possible ending.”

Having said that, Higashikawa looked down at the staircase.

Hiyama spoke from behind him.

“If anything happens, just shout for help.”

“I will.”

He took the first step.

After feeling the hard concrete underfoot, he continued down into the darkness belowground.

He was greatly reminded of the abyss of hell.

Before long, the pale starlight could no longer reach him. It was pitch black by the time he reached the bottom of the staircase. He felt his way along and found a metal door in front of him.

He turned the knob.

It did not seem to be locked.

“…”

And then…

Higashikawa Mamoru…

…opened the door.

===Part 6===

The room was dimly lit.

But compared to that the complete darkness from before, this was quite a bit more light.

The small square room was about the size of a school classroom. About 50 folding chairs were lined up evenly within. A film projector was located against the right wall and a pure white screen hung down on the left wall. The room’s light came from the film being shown.

The screen showed Higashikawa, Hiyama, and the others.

A compilation of footage from their struggles in the Hell Hospital was being carelessly shown.

About 30 of the 50 folding chairs were filled. The people sitting in them were mostly middle-aged or elderly and did not look like they had struggled a day in their lives. They did not even turn in Higashikawa’s direction when he suddenly entered the room. He could see the sides of their faces dimly illuminated by the light of the projector. They were all smiling. That unity lacked any humanity. Higashikawa could feel a sense of revulsion run from his fingertips and across his body like when seeing a swarm of insects.

Higashikawa felt an uncontrollable heat in his head when he spotted the bunny girl among them.

“You bitch!!” he shouted and ran over to grab her shoulder.

But then…

Amid all of the unmoving people, the bunny girl alone turned just her head in Higashikawa’s direction.

Yes, just her head.

There was nothing but her shapely face and spine.

Her smile bloomed on her face like she was some horrifying flower in a vase.

“…Eh?”

Higashikawa’s vision grew psychedelically distorted.

His brain refused to comprehend what he was seeing.

From her neck up, her bright skin and wonderful complexion remained unchanged, but below her neck was nothing but a white backbone. And some sticky, flesh-colored liquid had spread out across the folding chair and the floor around it. That was all. What looked to be her clothes had fallen away with the liquid.

That was truly all.

She could not be alive any longer.

Even if she could change her expression and carry a conversation, something about her was definitively different from a living human. She had become something on the level of a character from a story where a head blinked after being removed by a guillotine.

“What…?”

His question was simply about what had happened to the bunny girl.

But…

Could it be?

He turned toward the middle-age and elderly people who were not moving no matter what.

''Were they the same?

“Our…”

The bunny girl’s coquettishly glittering lips moved.

Given the state she was in, it seemed horribly wrong for the bunny girl to still be alive and still smiling as always.

“Our objective was to capture the absurd. We were to call in Objective Alice who symbolizes the absurd and capture her.”

“What…?”

“The gambling storyline as well as the Unbeatable Emperor and Ever-Victorious Challenger characters gained from it were nothing more than side effects. We had no interest in the gambling story itself. Our objective was to capture the special girl who can be called the guide for all storylines, be they horror, gambling, love comedy, suspense, action, battle, sports, science fiction, or fantasy. Of all the countless storylines derived from the guide, the gambling one was the easiest to use. We tried to work our way back from there to approach Alice, the guide. …''That'' is what this story really is.”

At first, it seemed she was explaining it to him, but she was not checking to see if he understood. It was as if she was a digital recorder spouting back predetermined information.

“You may not believe it, but we are an ideological association that stands on the side of justice. To be blunt, this is a great problem that cannot be resolved by any honest means, so we have been constantly working towards resolving it all at once using dishonest means.”

The absurd.

Objective Alice.

Higashikawa had no idea what those terms referred to, so he had no way of understanding what the rest of the explanation meant. However, the bunny girl omitted any explanations regarding them to an unnatural extent.

It was as if someone had edited out the information he must not hear.

“The absurd is an existence that disturbs the proper parameters of things. If used well, we thought it could lead us to the answers to all sorts of problems without having to find a real solution. We thought it could be used like a book of prophecy.”

The bunny girl gave an oddly vivid smile.

Higashikawa could not tell what emotion was contained within it.

He was not even sure if anything remained of the bunny girl’s will.

“But when we attempted it, this is what happened. It seems we angered Alice in the process of our emulation. She used her full ability to protect you or someone in your group.”

The cause of this insane phenomenon.

An existence that had so easily wiped out the organizers of those attractions.

An overwhelming character that held far greater power than Higashikawa’s unnatural ability to call in success.

The strange guide who smiled as she tied together the stories of an omnibus horror movie and stood above the evil spirits and monsters that did as they pleased in the stories.

“But this is a new discovery.” The bunny girl’s expression was one of true joy. “After all, we now know Objective Alice can feel honest anger based in an honest moral framework. That means provoking her that way could eliminate the need for an emulation based in detailed formulas and-…”

The bunny girl’s words suddenly came to an end.

Her beautiful eyes rotated to an odd angle.

Higashikawa heard a splashing noise.

That single flower that had just barely remained intact had finally turned to a flesh-colored liquid and splattered to the floor.

At the same moment, all of the middle-aged and elderly people left in the other chairs melted to the floor as well. It sounded like bucket after bucket of water was being poured to the ground.

It was like a switch had been thrown.

It looked as if a lawnmower had made its way through that creepy flower garden.

They had been absurdly left alive until then just to tell Higashikawa those words.

“…”

Higashikawa felt confused that he was still breathing.

That was how removed from reality it all felt.

He audibly gulped and finally truly felt that he was still alive. He finally came to a conclusion.

(The organizers are gone. We should be safe for now.)

But as soon as he thought that, he heard a small noise.

He had not noticed it before and it seemed strange that he had not, but the room had another door. The lock clicked open and the door cracked open on its own.

He could not see anything through the gap.

It was possible something was peering out at him.

But the organizers were gone.

Higashikawa had concluded that.

In that case…

Who was beyond that door?

Who was left?

“…You’re kidding.”

If what the bunny girl – or whoever had been making her speak – was right, Objective Alice had given this cruel punishment to the organizers in order to save Higashikawa and the others.

And now something else was inviting him into that extraordinarily deep darkness.

Were they trying to save him? Or did they have some other objective?

None of it fit together and everyone’s intentions seemed scattered everywhere.

It brought a certain word to Higashikawa’s mind:

Absurd.

“…”

If he turned back toward the staircase to the surface, he could likely ignorantly meet up with the other nine and safely return home.

But if he headed further into the darkness, he could arrive at the truth in exchange for a fair amount of risk. But this risk would surely be more than he could handle with a puny absurdity like the Ever-Victorious Challenger.

Sweat poured from Higashikawa’s brow and he felt it drip down along his nose.

Which path should he choose?

And finally…

He chose.

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A Simple Survey:Volume2 Attraction05

2014-05-31T17:41:06Z

24.98.20.208:

==Attraction 05: Loser Resurrection Game==

I had always thought I would be the one to torment others as I saw fit.

I had never even considered the possibility I would be on the receiving end.

And yet I had always been a step away from being both.

First, draw lots to form pairs.

You may use whatever method you like, but one member of the pair must die.

Afterwards, the other member must resuscitate them. If successful your previous losses will be forgiven.

If you fail, the surviving member of the pair will be killed.

We were gathered in a large area that might have been a supermarket or a shopping mall.

It had no windows which was not uncommon for such buildings. I could not tell if it was day or night. The relatively small number of people made it abundantly clear how large the area was.

After all, there were only 30 people in an area that could easily hold hundreds.

“…You’ve gotta be kidding me.” I squeezed out those words after reading the rules written on a board. My voice soon rose to a shout. “You’ve gotta be kidding me. You’ve gotta be kidding me! You’ve gotta be kidding me!! What kind of rules are these!? One of us must die? Then we have to revive them? That isn’t something you can just do so easily!!”

“But those are the rules,” explained a smiling bunny girl.

''Dammit.

''I’m supposed to be the one in your position!!

“And this is not a normal attraction. All of you have ''already lost once'', right? The normal course of action would simply be to kill you. You are meant to die and yet we are giving you a chance to make a comeback from that loss. …In that case, isn’t it only fair to have you start by coming back after dying once?”

That was some messed up logic.

But they had the power to force it on us.

I felt fear as I watched what I had always hoped for from the position I had never hoped for.

I had no choice but to do it.

This was not my place. To make sure everyone knew that and to reach the place I was meant for, I had to think through this like a winner. The instant I grew timid, I would die. I would fail. I was barely hanging on now, but I would fall even lower.

“Red.” I pulled a stick out of a cylinder the bunny girl held out and spoke the color painted on the end. “Red! Who else got red!?”

Those who had drawn other colors looked around amongst themselves. I was in a group of 15 and another group of 15 stood a short distance away. It seemed the other group was drawing lots just like we were.

A small woman in her twenties timidly raised a hand when she heard me shouting.

Her outfit was incredibly plain.

There were plenty of ways to meet failure in your life, but she did not seem the type to charge toward a gamble on her own. There was only one reason someone like that ended up falling this low: someone else had kicked her down on their way up.

I could tell just by looking at her.

Losers would think and act under the assumption that they would lose.

They would claim to be doing their best, but that was just an escape.

What they actually meant was that they did not care if they lost so long as they did their best.

“…Tch.”

She was not a reliable partner for a literally life-or-death gamble, but there was nothing I could do to change that.

One of us had to die and the other had to resuscitate them.

We would be literally resurrecting from our loss. To meet the requirements of the rules, at least two people were needed.

“Who are you?” I asked.

“H-Hashinaka. What about you?”

“Kishikawa. But your name isn’t what I want to know. What did you do before ending up here? Anything that might be useful for this game?”

“I was…um… a nurse.”

This plain woman who called herself Hashinaka glanced somewhere else.

I looked over to see the smiling bunny girl waving her hand. At her feet were countless AED sets. Those electric shock-producing medical devices that could be found in subway stations and hotels were contained in bright fluorescent colored bags.

“Do you know how to work one of those?” I asked Hashinaka.

“Y-yes.”

“So do you know what death would be easy to resurrect someone from!?”

“Not as much as a doctor would…”

Had I actually lucked out?

This seemed a lot better than a pair where neither knew anything of use.

“U-um, what about you?”

“You could say I’m unemployed,” I said quickly.

My specialty was collecting on debts. To put it simply, I worked for a loan shark. When those perverts found a new toy, it was my job to efficiently bring them to ruin. The name of Spider Finances was well known in the darker corners of society.

But telling her that would not help matters.

It was pathetic people like her I had made my prey. I saw no advantage in telling her more than necessary.

Winners only needed to think about winning.

Thinking about what would happen if you lost or what you needed to do in order to not lose was the beginning of losing your nerve. It was proof that the entrance to your doom had begun to open.

I could not allow myself to lower the purity.

I was a winner.

“To get straight to the point, I want to know what the safest way to die is. I know that sounds stupid, but you know what I mean. The AED will have instructions, but they won’t say anything about how to die. What type of death is that electric shock used for?”

“U-um… uh…well…”

“Please, just answer. My knowledge isn’t gonna help here. You’re the only one that knows how to resuscitate someone. That makes it obvious who needs to die and who needs to do the saving, right?”

“Kishikawa-san…”

“It’s simple division of labor. But I need you to tell me how to die. So please tell me, nurse. The AED, the defibrillator, the electric shock, or whatever you want to call it. What is the ideal type of death to use it on?”

“B-but…just using the AED does not ensure you can resuscitate someone. You cannot decide that division of labor so-…”

“Come on now.”

I cut her off in irritation.

Losers really would always be losers. They just did not understand what was important.

“Listen up. Let me make this very clear. There are winners and losers in life. Which side you are on is determined from birth. A winner can drop down to being a loser, but the opposite is impossible. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“B-but…then why…?”

Was she asking why I was here?

Or was she asking why anyone would make any attempt in a game made up of losers?

She was too naïve.

“Those great reversals you occasionally hear about are not actually reversals. That is when someone who was originally a winner has ended up a loser due to some kind of mistake. It is only natural that they win and it is only natural they end up back in their rightful spot. That winner’s greatest enemy in that time is cowardice. He is only temporarily in the spot of a loser, but he will truly become a loser if he ever begins to doubt his rightful spot. That is the biggest reason why winners become unable to win.”

“…”

“So do not think about what happens if you lose or if you fail. Thinking like that will leave you an ugly duckling forever. If you want to be a winner, you need to remember what it is like to win. There is no other way to win.”

“But…”

“I don’t know how much you have lost in your life. But you drew the lot that paired you with me. That person is no simple loser. People lose because they think they will lose. Their cowardice trips them up. Is that what has happened to you? Are you going to keep doing what has always led to failure in the past?”

“Wait a second,” said Hashinaka.

She took a few shallow breaths.

And then she answered.

“An AED is a device meant to restart a stopped heart. In other words, it cannot help with anything else. Stimulating the heart will not help resuscitate someone with a destroyed organ or extreme blood loss.”

“Come to think of it, you don’t really picture people being given electric shocks after being stabbed or shot.”

“But even so…A death that causes a lot of damage to the chest would be a bad idea. You cannot give CPR to a patient with broken ribs.”

Hashinaka let out a groan as she called up all of her knowledge.

She knew she was needed.

Fortunately, she was not the type to get ecstatic over that fact.

“You usually see CPR being used on people involved in water accidents, right?” I said.

That was a death due to lack of oxygen.

In other words, suffocation.

The quickest method to pull that off would be…

“So hanging?”

“N-no! I do not think you should do that.”

“?”

“Most people do not die of suffocation when they hang themselves. Their entire weight is placed on their neck, so they usually die from a broken neck or a lack of blood to the brain. Neither of those can be resuscitated using the AED.”

“Then what about strangling by hand?”

“Y-you want me to do that…?” said Hashinaka with tears in her eyes.

We had only just met, so she obviously did not care about me personally.

She simply did not want to become a murderer even if she was going to resuscitate me.

But this was obviously no situation for that kind of thinking.

“Would it work?”

“It depends, but it might be difficult. It would all be over if the neck broke in the process of constricting the throat.”

“That leaves…actual drowning, I guess. Would a method using water be good?”

“That would prevent breathing while not putting a burden on the rest of the body.”

The bunny girl had said we were free to use anything within the large store. Other than food, it also contained simple furniture, appliances, and tools.

There were industrial refrigerators, tool sets, stainless steel knives, metal bats, vacuum cleaners, water servers, bathtubs, microwave ovens, handheld game systems, bread makers, wardrobes, desks, electric guitars, wall clocks, dryers, laptop computers, lamps, extension cords, and more.

We could use any one of them to kill our partner or resuscitate them.

Nothing was off limits.

I called over the bunny girl.

“Hey, we need that bathtub.”

“Have at it☆”

“You’ll provide us with water, right?”

“As long as you don’t mind a cold bath.”

The preparations took only about 15 minutes.

The other participants cautiously watched us from a distance. Their pathetic thought process was probably to use us as an experiment to learn how to succeed.

A bathtub filled to the brim with water lay before me.

I breathed in and then breathed out.

This was hardly the first time the organizers behind the bunny girl had shown their cruel tastes, but this attraction made me especially aware of what a human life was. If only I could have been one of the ones smiling as they watched on from a safe place.

“K-Kishikawa-san. Um, Kishikawa-san.”

“What?”

“A-are you really going to do this?”

“It’s the only way to survive this.”

“B-but…” Nurse Hashinaka looked at the full bathtub. “Can you really kill yourself in that? This is not like a deep reservoir. You can easily raise your head above water once it gets painful. And even if you put weights in your clothes, it would be difficult to create a situation where you cannot bring up your head.”

“That’s true.”

''So that’s what she’s worried about.

I kept my face as expressionless as possible as I grabbed Nurse Hashinaka’s arms.

“''You don’t need to worry about that.''”

“Eh? Um…Kishikawa-san? Um…”

She looked puzzled, but she would catch on eventually.

I wanted to get it over with before she did.

“It would be hard to drown oneself here. But that just means we need to use some other method. Like having someone else hold your arms back like this and shoving your head underwater.”

“Wait…you don’t mean…”

As Hashinaka stood in that awkward position, she finally figured something out. With an expression that could have been crying or smiling, she tried to force her head around to look me in the face.

I ignored her and said, “Remember what I said? I’m mostly unemployed, so ''I need your knowledge to win this attraction. But only the knowledge.''” Once I had gotten that knowledge out of her, I needed nothing else. “Winners win because they know they will win. I simply needed the materials to pull it off.”

I had received the nurse’s relevant advice, so now I shoved the struggling victim into the bathtub.

The AED came with instructions.

It was made so normal people could use it.

So as long as I knew the ideal way to kill her, I could do the rest on my own.

And…

The smiling bunny girl looked own at her pocket watch and made an announcement.

“Ten minutes until the time limit!”

“Shit…”

I held the electrodes for the AED in my hands. Each hand held an electrode on the end of a winding cable similar to that of a landline phone.

The device was made to save lives.

It was made to start a stopped heart.

And yet…

“Shit, shit, shit!! What is going on!? I’m doing exactly what the instructions say!!”

Hashinaka lay soaking wet on the ground and her eyes would not open.

They would not open.

And if she was not resuscitated, I would lose the right to eliminate my loss!

The bunny girl answered my question in a tone that made it sound obvious.

“This kind of resuscitation doesn’t always work.”

“But!! That’s why I asked her for the ideal method!! I am a winner. I gathered everything I needed to win! I can’t have messed up. I did everything right!!”

“Well, even in an ideal condition, the resuscitation isn’t a sure thing. But more importantly, Kishikawa-san, you have been reading the instruction while also using the AED. Are you absolutely sure you have been using it correctly?”

“Wha-…?”

“Oh, the instructions haven’t been altered, so don’t worry about that. But can a medical amateur like you really understand all the intricacies of using the device? Also,” added the bunny girl. “Kishikawa-san, did you know the odds of a successful resuscitation drop considerably as time passes? Might you have spent too much time reading all that small writing?”

“Ah…”

“You really should have left it up to the professional nurse. Come to think of it, why was it you were fired by Spider Finances? Didn’t you interfere with a colleague’s mark in your haste to get promoted and ended up putting too much pressure on the mark so he committed suicide?”

“Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!”

This was my final hope.

I pressed the electrodes against the limp nurse’s chest once more and the bunny girl spoke in a regretful tone.

“She’s already dead.”

The sound of the pocket watch stopped. She then patted me on the shoulder. It felt like some kind of sign.

And she whispered in my ear.

“''And so are you.''”

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A Simple Survey:Volume2 Attraction04

2014-05-31T17:36:10Z

24.98.20.208:

==Attraction 04: Sudden Death Old Maid==

Old maid.

That term referring to an older unmarried woman may not mean anything to someone from Japan at first glance, but it sounds a lot more familiar when referred to with the Japanese term baba-nuki.

When you think about the English meaning, the rules of the game seem a bit cruel, don’t they?

I was sitting at a table playing an altered version of old maid.

It was a one-on-one game.

Each player had half of a 52 card deck handed to them. Then each player was given 26 jokers for a total of 52 cards each.

Both players shuffled their deck just once to complete their preparations.

Player A could freely choose cards from any part of his deck, but he could only display two cards at once. Player B would take one of those two cards.

The card taken would be counted and the other card would be discarded without being shown to Player B.

Each player would take turns in this process until all cards had been taken or discarded. The player with fewer jokers in the end would be the winner.

The winner would be given money based on the number of jokers the loser took and the loser would gain a debt of the same amount.

If a player was caught cheating, he would be given the same debt as the maximum of 26 jokers. However, the cheater had to be caught in the act. If a player claimed the other was cheating yet no evidence of cheating could be found, he would take on that maximum debt instead.

“…”

I had just added the 26 jokers to my deck and shuffled it.

On the other side of the round table from me was a blond youth covered in accessories who looked like he had everything a salaryman like me did not. He shuffled his cards as well and even stylishly placed them on one edge of the table.

The youth grinned and said, “You look out of place here. Do you know where you are? Each joker is worth 10 million yen.”

“And you are trying too hard to look good.”

“You don’t look like the kind of person for this attraction.”

“Neither do you. You don’t look like the kind of person who would screw up badly enough to need to take part in this.”

In a way, my victory was already assured from the moment I took part in this Sudden Death Old Maid.

My family had already escaped to a country with a low cost of living. They may have thought it was just an overseas trip, but I had no intention of having them come back if I lost this attraction.

I had heard the large sums of money changing hands in this attraction were handled by Spider Finances which was well known in the black market. But they would only be able to get their hands on me.

They might be able to take my organs, but they would not reach my family.

If I won, I would acquire the money I needed and if I lost, I would lose everything, but my family would be saved either way.

That was my definition of victory.

“Okay, okay. Let’s get this game of Sudden Death Old Maid started,” cut in a smiling bunny girl who appeared to be the same age as my daughter. “Have you decided on a strategy? Are you picturing victory in your mind? Have you prayed to god? Well, it’s time to begin either way. It takes so long to get through everyone with these one-on-one attractions.”

The youth and I each grabbed one of the two cards the bunny girl held out.

I had the ace of spades.

The youth had the king of spades.

“Morita-san, you got the ace, so you go first.”

“…”

Going first or last did not provide any real advantage.

Even if the youth managed to give me all 26 jokers, the game would end in a draw if I managed to give him all 26 jokers as well.

“C’mon, let’s do this, old man. Choose.”

With a grin on his face, the youth took two cards from his deck and held them out towards me. I had no way of knowing which was a joker just by looking at the backs. It was possible both were jokers or neither were jokers.

After some hesitation, I grabbed the card to the right from my perspective.

“Joker. That’s 10 million for me.”

The youth’s smile grew deeper.

“Morita-san, your count is now one,” said the bunny girl.

It was too soon to say whether I was doing well or poorly. Drawing a single joker was not enough to say anything about my situation.

For example, what if both cards had been jokers?

In that case, I would have drawn a joker no matter which card I chose. If the youth repeated that process, it would seem I had no chance of winning.

But that was not the case.

The joker I did not choose would be discarded. And we both had 52 cards. If the youth used up all his jokers early, he would pay for it later. He would be forced to present me with two normal cards for the second half of the game.

“It’s my turn. Hurry up and draw your two cards, old man.”

“Fine, fine,” I said while taking the two cards on top of my deck.

I held them out towards the youth.

The most efficient way of doing damage was to have him choose between a joker and a normal card. That way, I could have him take a joker without having to discard one. That allowed the maximum of 26 jokers to be taken.

But…

“Saaaaaaaaaaafe! Two of spades.”

I clenched my teeth and discarded the now unusable joker.

Yes. If your opponent chose the normal card, the joker would no longer be usable. This strategy made the maximum of 26 jokers possible, but it also made the minimum of 0 jokers possible.

Given the rules, which was the better strategy?

Should I always use two jokers to ensure my opponent took 13 jokers?

Or should I use the jokers one at a time to make the maximum of 26 jokers possible? I only needed the 100 million from 10 jokers to fix my ruined life, but…

“Hurry up and choose, old man.”

“…”

I hesitated.

My hand moved right, left, left, and right. I finally grabbed the card on the left from my perspective.

It was another joker.

With the same result as before, I could not tell what my opponent’s strategy was.

Was he using two jokers? Or was he using only one at a time, but I kept choosing it?

And…

If I was choosing the single joker, was it a matter of luck or was there more to it?

In other words, could he be cheating?

“Morita-saaan. Hurry up, hurry up☆” said the bunny girl.

“That’s right, old man. Worrying about it isn’t going to help. Just draw your cards.”

I took the top two cards from my deck.

This time it was two jokers.

The blond youth of course chose a joker, but he showed no sign of worry.

His expression only said that this was exactly what he had expected to happen.

“Old man, I can see what kind of life you’ve lived in these cards.” The youth pulled out two cards from the middle of his deck and held them out. “You are a fairly honest person. Fairly. You aren’t a perfect saint or anything. You normally use idealism in any theoretical arguments, but you sweat bullets and desperately search for a way out when it really matters. And those irregular actions always cause even more problems for your life.”

He brought the two cards even closer to emphasize his words.

It was only a difference of a few centimeters, but it felt like an invisible wall was pressing against my heart.

“You shouldn’t do things you aren’t suited for. This is like a salaryman in a suit trying to play baseball against the pros. If you’re gonna use those ways out, you need to have the experience.”

I took one of the two cards.

Another joker.

Nothing had changed.

I had too little information.

I could not tell what his strategy was, so I had no strategy to take myself.

“Your turn, Morita-san,” urged the smiling bunny girl.

I was worried.

Worried that the youth was cheating.

Of the many forms of gambling, cards were one of the easiest to cheat with. Or perhaps it was more accurate to say more methods of cheating had been developed because of its widespread use. It may have been similar to why OSs and browsers used worldwide had more viruses.

There were a lot of different forms of cheating, but they could all be divided into two basic categories.

The first was preparing new cards to use in a trick. You could add five or six aces of spades or prepare a card that was the same on both sides. These methods were extremely effective and did not require much skill, but the risk of being found out was high.

The second was a trick that did not involve new tools. These were about pure technique. Examples included appearing to shuffle the deck while not shuffling at all and accurately pulling out the 30th card from a deck of 52 cards. These required a high level of skill, but the risk of being found out was almost nonexistent. After all, they left behind no physical evidence.

This game would decide the outcome of people’s lives.

Not many people would leave that up to luck.

Anyone who was driven to the point of needing to take part in this attraction would already know they had no luck at all.

“Go ahead.”

“God, you’re slow. Okay, nine of hearts.”

The youth did not hesitate to choose his card. He did not appear nervous. He avoided the joker as if he already knew what he would draw.

Not a single muscle in his body appeared tense as he took two cards from his deck.

“C’mon, choose. Of course, you’re just gonna get a joker.”

“…”

The attraction reached its midpoint.

We had each taken 13 cards from the other.

“Oh, dear. You aren’t doing too well, Morita-san.”

“No, he’s not. Choosing 13 jokers in a row just isn’t normal.”

“…”

It was not normal at all.

I knew that perfectly well.

Just as the youth had said, I had taken 13 jokers. On the other hand, the youth had only taken 3 jokers from me. And those were only from the times I had given him two jokers to choose from, so I could tell something was going on.

But what exactly was he doing?

I could not stop him from cheating unless I caught him in the act. If I accused him of cheating when he had not done anything, I would take on the maximum of 26 jokers as punishment. I could not grab the youth’s hand just because it seemed obvious he was doing “something”.

And I had already wasted 13 jokers.

We each had 26 jokers total. At this rate, it would only be a matter of time before it was impossible for me to make a comeback. Once that happened, the youth would no longer need to cheat. He would only need to grab two random cards to use them up.

The youth had no idea how many jokers I had left.

That was why he had not announced his victory. But the gap was simply too large. Normally, there was no realistic way for me to win at this point.

But on the other hand…

That did not mean I had to accept my defeat.

“Old man, hurry it up.”

“Wait just a second.”

“Thinking isn’t gonna help you.”

I could cheat.

If I entered the same territory as that youth, I could still win.

However…

If the youth could cheat this well, he would notice if I made a poor attempt at it. If I was found out, I would receive the maximum debt of 260 million yen. I had no idea what the youth was doing to cheat, but he had to believe he had no chance of losing this attraction. If the situation started to go badly for him, he would immediately grow suspicious.

Should I try it anyway?

Should I cheat?

Should I try to deceive someone who was clearly more skilled than me?

“…”

I had done a bit of research into methods of cheating with playing cards. I knew a few methods I could use in this situation. But I had only practiced them a bit on my own. I was not used to using them in such a crucial moment.

Should I do it? Could I do it?

“If you hesitate, you’ll die, old man,” said the youth with a grin. “Think of it like cooking. When you slice up cabbage, you don’t make each slice after measuring out the exact number of millimeters. You get a rhythm going and chop chop chop chop chop. If you can’t do that, you’ll cut your fingers.”

He had seen straight through my hesitation.

He knew what options were running through my head.

And yet I still had not figured out how he was avoiding my jokers and forcing his own onto me.

I could see no marks on the cards or small tools to peek with, and yet the youth had complete control over all the jokers in this attraction.

He had to be using some kind of trick rather than playing fairly, but I could do nothing if I did not know the details.

What should I do?

What should I do?

What should I do?

“…”

I let out a small sigh.

I made up my mind.

Simply continuing the attraction would simply open the gap between us further. I would never win that way. If I was going to turn this around, I could not rely on the normal methods. So I had to do it. The youth would of course be on the lookout for any cheating, but my situation would gradually grow worse if I could not slip past his defenses.

“Okay. Here goes.”

“Hurry it up.”

I had not noticed it until now, but my fingertips were trembling. I was sweating. Would I be gradually cornered or would I earn the maximum prize in one go? We were both facing our deaths, but I very clearly felt my life coming to an end.

I reached a hand toward my deck.

The youth narrowed his eyes.

I was going to do it.

I was going to cheat.

If the youth reached out and grabbed my right wrist, it would all be over. I would be faced with the maximum debt.

The bottom of my index finger touched the card on top of the deck.

I grabbed two cards.

And I drew them.

“H-here.”

“Old man, you thought about trying something, didn’t you?”

The youth grinned.

I was sweating so much I thought my cheap suit had to be discolored.

“But you backed out at the last second. You made some suspicious movements, but they were a bluff. That was not enough to give you any advantage.”

I glanced over at the bunny girl. She was smiling as always.

Meanwhile, the youth reached out his hand.

He grabbed one of the two cards.

He took the card that was not a joker.

“It’s over, old man. You can’t win now.”

He grabbed the card between his thumb and forefinger.

I opened my eyes wide.

I held my breath.

I fought the dizziness I felt from anxiety.

If I was going to do it…

It had to be now.

“Wait.”

I used my other hand to grab the youth’s arm before he could pull it back with the card.

The contents of his hand fell to the table.

Those contents were two cards.

Yes, two cards that had been placed directly on top of each other.

“He’s cheating. Bunny girl, you be the judge.”

“What!? Wait, what the hell are you saying!? I didn’t do anything!!”

“Hmm?” The bunny girl tilted her head in feigned confusion. “Now, why are there three cards here where there should only be two?”

“How should-…!?”

“Because this youth brought in a third card,” I quickly cut in so he could not say anything unnecessary.

I suppressed his speech.

As the youth’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly, the bunny girl continued speaking.

“Okay, what does he gain with this third card?”

“He had the card he wanted ready in his sleeve. When he took the card from my hand, he would swap it with the one up his sleeve. That way he could swap out a joker for a normal card.”

“Bullshit!! I didn’t do that! Look, there isn’t a single card in my sleeve. If I was winning that way, I would need to have a bunch of cards hidden somewhere!!”

“…''It does not matter if you have been using this method up until now or not.''”

“What?”

“The rules say you take on the maximum of 26 jokers if you are caught cheating. It does not matter if it is your 1st time or 100th time.”

“That’s true,” chimed in the bunny girl.

“G-give it a rest. This is bullshit!! Old man, you just grabbed my arm!! You had a card hidden in your palm and you just dropped it at the same time as the card in my hand. That’s what happened!!”

“Perhaps.” I did not force a denial. “''But it means nothing if you do not catch me in the act.''”

It was the same as the cheating he had done.

And my turn was already over. We could not go back to cheating from the past.

He had noticed my hand make a suspicious movement, but had decided I gave up partway through. That had been his chance, but he wasted it.

The youth and I looked over at the bunny girl who was watching us from close by.

However, the look in his eyes was very different from the look in my eyes.

With a cruel smile, the girl simply said, “I explained in the beginning what would happen to you if you cheat.”

“W-wait… It was this old man who cheated!! I didn’t do-…!!”

“Oh, so are you saying she can judge cheating from the past now? I’m fine with that. But then I think she will find you are clearly the first one to have cheated.”

“Sorry, but I cannot accept any changes to the rules,” said the bunny girl.

“And there you have it.”

I grinned and dropped the single card remaining in my hand onto the table.

It pictured a clown mocking someone.

It was a joker.

“Did you think I would do something so reckless without making sure I had every angle covered?”

The struggling youth was dragged away by several men in work uniforms. I wondered if I should think too much about what was to become of him. I decided it was not worth it. No one would take part in this attraction for fun or on a whim. He must have had a pressing reason to risk his life here.

“Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

“That was well thought out.”

“I could not come up with any other way of fighting back.”

“Hmm.”

The bunny girl seemed to be enjoying herself.

She may have been interested in seeing the sight of two people wearing each other’s souls down in the attraction. Perhaps that enjoyment remained even now that the winner and loser had been decided.

“So does that mean…”

“That I know how he was cheating? Of course I don’t. If I knew what he was doing, all I needed to do was grab his arm then.”

“I thought maybe you figured it out after the fact since he did it so many times.”

“Then I would have grabbed his arm the next time he tried it.”

“I see.”

“…So was this method against the rules?”

“No, no. If it had been, we wouldn’t have removed that youth.”

That meant I would safely earn my prize money and be reunited with my family. I still needed to be on my guard in case a gang of thieves attacked just outside the facility, though. It wasn’t over until I made it home. I had ended up having to take part in this sort of attraction because I tended not to see things through to the end like that.

“Oh, right,” said the bunny girl.

“What?”

“Do you want me to tell you how he was cheating? It will bother you if you leave without finding out, right?”

She had a point.

But…

“No, the attraction is over, so it doesn’t matter. That would be like drinking a flat soda.”

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|-
| Back to [[A_Simple_Survey:Volume2_Intermission1|Intermission 1]]
| Return to [[A_Simple_Survey|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[A_Simple_Survey:Volume2_Attraction05|Attraction 05]]
|-
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</noinclude>

A Simple Survey:Volume2 Prologue

2014-05-31T16:55:35Z

24.98.20.208:

==Greeting==

Welcome to Attraction Land!!

Oh, yes, yes. I know, I know. I have to give that intro, so don't look so unamused. I'm sure you all know this already, but you were brought to this world famous amusement park as employees rather than guests. In this employment ice age...actually, how many years has it been since they called it that? Well, congratulations regardless.

Unfortunately, you are not proper employees, but we can promise you much better pay than a normal corporation.

What we will be having you do is a simple monitoring.

We come up with new attractions daily, but they always have plenty of holes in the prototype phase. And there is a risk of an expert too familiar with the project overlooking something. If a child plays with park playground equipment in a way adults never thought of, it can lead to a horrible accident, right?

In the same way, we require the help of people like you who have no preconceived notions.

Now then, I will be supplying you with documents describing the attractions and some image videos. Yes, not even a prototype has been made at this point. Once we get through this stage, the construction of one can begin.

When that happens, we may call you back here. But for now, just watch the videos.

Please find any problem areas in the details of these attractions.

Tell us what must be done to ramp up the difficulty level and make them even more cruel, thrilling, and impossible to clear.

Let's see then.

We would like for you to fill out at least three points of improvement per attraction. Three. If you find more than that and put them down, you will receive a bonus for the number of additional points.

You come up with points to complain about or be dissatisfied with when you watch a movie, right? Just think about this as being paid to write them down. It's a really simple job, don't you think?

Do not leave anything blank or unanswered.

It does not matter how small a thing it is. Just fill out at least three defects or loopholes in the rules.

Now then.

Let the monitoring begin.

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|-
| Back to [[A_Simple_Survey:Volume2_Illustrations|Illustrations]]
| Return to [[A_Simple_Survey|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[A_Simple_Survey:Volume2_Attraction01|Attraction 01]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Toaru Majutsu no Index:A Certain Academy Index

2014-02-01T04:47:33Z

24.98.20.208:

==A Certain Academy Index==
Note: This is a non-canon parody SS written by Kamachi Kazuma around the time of Volume 6 of the main series.

Academy City was an esper development institution created out of western Tokyo. The city’s population was approximately 2.3 million. Most of those were espers who had awakened to some sort of power and the city was overflowing with futuristic items such as wind turbines and automatic cleaning robots.

In one corner of that strange city was a relatively inconspicuous student dormitory.

In one room of that building, a normal high school boy named Kamijou Touma was awakened by a flying body attack.

“Gbhhh!? Gbhgbhogbah!!”

“Good morning, says Misaka as a morning greeting as she sits on your stomach.”

He heard an emotionless voice.

He saw shoulder-length brown hair, small facial features, a white short-sleeved blouse, a beige summer sweater, and a gray pleated skirt. This girl closely resembled a girl he knew, but something was not quite right. This girl with large night vision goggles on her forehead was known as Misaka Imouto. She had the same characteristics as a certain girl down to the genetic level and he desperately tried to recall her serial number using his mind which was woozy with pain.

(Was it #10031…no, 32? Or was it 35? I don’t think it got up to 40. Oh, right. It was #10032.)

“Wh-why are you sitting on my stomach, Misaka Imouto? I wasn’t hoping for a surprising entrance from you.”

“Betraying your hopes is the entire point, replies Misaka as she rocks back and forth on top of you.”

“U-uhh… M-Misaka Imouto, I thought you were one of the few people I knew who actually had common sense! Also, betraying my expectations is fine, but don’t betray my hopes!”

Kamijou shouted from the bottom of an empty bathtub. His situation had left him unable to sleep in his bed most of the time.

Misaka Imouto tilted her head like a well-oiled machine.

“Oh? But it seems Misaka is a little sister character today, so she must act based on those standards, explains Misaka as she shows no sign of getting off of you.”

“L-little sister?”

“Yes. Those were Misaka’s instructions, so she must act accordingly, says Misaka as she moves the conversation forward and decides staying like this forever would be fine.”

(No, having you sitting on my stomach forever would be a pretty big problem.)

“Wait. I don’t…I don’t understand at all. J-just move out of the way! Nothing good can come of Index seeing us like this!!”

“That white girl is not in this room today, says Misaka as she angrily puts her entire weight on you for bringing up another girl.”

“Gbhaah!! Wait, wait! Were you really this kind of character before!? And what do you mean Index isn’t here?”

“That white girl was given the role of a book manager character rather than a roommate character, so it appears she was sent elsewhere, answers Misaka while puffing out her cheeks. If you want to see her, go somewhere with lots of books, says Misaka as she puts even more weight on you while making angry sound effects.”

“I give! I give, I give, I give!!”

Kamijou struggled beneath the great pressure.

“How about Misaka does something appropriate of a little sister character? suggests Misaka.”

“That’s quite a catastrophic-sounding suggestion. Also, I have to get to school.”

“But we went to the effort of mobilizing all of the Misakas, says Misaka while pointing over there.”

“You’re not listening! Were you really such a forceful character before!? …Wait. All of the Misakas? What do you mean by…wahh!?”

“Misaka is a little sister character, replies Misaka.”

“Misaka is also a little sister character, replies Misaka.”

“Misaka is yet another little sister character, replies Misaka.” “Where should Misaka begin? asks Misaka.” “An early morning event is perfect for a little sister character, answers Misaka.” “What should a little sister character do first?” “Serial Number 10032 already demonstrated it.” “Oh, the flying body press.” “Then, let us go with that, says Misaka.” “Yes, says Mi-” “Yes, says-” “Yes,-” “Ye-”

The bathroom was soon filled with Misakas.

A battered Kamijou walked down the path to school while wondering how he was still alive. The wind turbines were spinning in the morning wind, but it was still quite hot due to the late summer heat. By the time homeroom began, it would turn into a hellish heat.

Misaka Imouto was not with him at present.

The only reason he did not have just under ten thousand identical girls following him was that he had run away. It was possible the Sisters were beginning a search across Academy City.

(Honestly, what was that? Misaka Imouto and the others have broken in a ridiculous way and Index really wasn’t in the dorm.)

He did not know what meaning their little sister act held, but he felt there had to be a better way of doing it. As he trembled while recalling almost being crushed to death in the bathroom, he saw Himegami Aisa walking up ahead. She had a very Japanese style with her long straight black hair and shrine maiden outfit, but she also wore a large cross necklace at her chest.

“Oh? Morning, Himegami. We have school today, so why the shrine maiden outfit?”

“These are my normal clothes. I take a morning walk every day,” she answered blankly.

Kamijou was worried that she did not have much time left before school started.

She stared off into space while thinking and then finally spoke again.

“I am wearing something other than my usual uniform. Is it a bit moe?”

“…The uniform is a rarer sight with you.”

Kamijou’s answer caused Himegami’s mood to drop like a rock.

“First Misaka Imouto and now her. What’s with everyone today?” muttered Kamijou with a tilt of the head.

Himegami recovered after two seconds.

“''Today is that kind of day.''”

“What?”

“Academy City is a bit odd today. The ‘school comedy’ side is being emphasized. As long as the temporary rules are in effect, people must obey them.”

“Rules?”

“Yes. The rules that make up the deepest foundation of common knowledge.”

“Um… Why is this happening?”

“There are multiple factors piled on top of each other. For example, the AIM diffusion fields are out of control. Also, someone is carrying out an Ars Magna experiment by reading and reproducing the residual thoughts left in Misawa Cram School. Lastly, the four realms have been shaken by the fall of an angel. And as usual, everything is happening with you in the center.”

“…”

Kamijou listened to Himegami with a grim look.

She had said the “school comedy” side of the city was being emphasized, but he tilted his head as he wondered if that meant what he thought it did. Academy City was indeed a condensed version of every kind of educational facility in the world, but he did not see any need to include that.

At the same time, he had a very bad feeling about what was going to happen due to a ridiculous situation happening behind the scenes.

(Oh, no. I’m not going to make an enemy of an angel and get my ass kicked by Tsuchimikado again, am I?)

A weak smile appeared on his face.

“By the way, your actions will cause a change to the world afterwards.”

“What? I-I’m not sure what you mean.”

“When I say ‘afterwards’, I mean after school today. It seems there will be a letter from a girl in your shoe locker. The instant you read it, this abnormal situation will come to an end. In other words, that will set your route.”

“My route?”

“Many different powers are at work both externally and within, so there is no changing your route once it is set. You are stuck on it until the ending. If you do not carefully manage your flags and parameters, it seems you will end up in tears. Real life has a forced autosave function, so you cannot simply hit the reset button.”

“Flags? Parameters?”

A strange image appeared in Kamijou’s confused head, but he shook his head to erase it. He recognized the terms Himegami was using, but they all reminded him of strange things.

“A letter from a guy does not count. No matter how many letters are placed in your shoe locker before school ends, only one will remain. If no one chooses you and you receive no letter at all, you will live a life free of any troubles.”

“Where did you learn all of this anyway?”

For some reason, Kamijou’s casual question caused Himegami to place her hands on her cheeks.

“I do not know. When I woke up, someone stood by my bed. They were glowing, they had swan-like wings growing from their back, and they had a ring above their head.”

“Probably just a burglar.”

“Yes, I suppose that would be the answer of the one who destroys illusions.”

Himegami gave the smile of a defeated boxer.

“The one who destroys illusions, hm? So what kind of character are you?”

Himegami looked off into empty space for a moment before answering.

“I am the exposition character. I am needed to advance the story.”

“I’m not sure that counts as a unique character type. We already have tons of exposition characters. Index and Komoe-sensei for example.”

However, the girl with the glitter in her eyes was not listening.

After receiving all those mysteries and that foreshadowing, Kamijou somehow made it to school.

Thinking about the letter Himegami had mentioned seemed to have eaten up a lot of time because he arrived at the classroom a bit later than usual. As he entered, Tsukuyomi Komoe, the 135 cm teacher who looked twelve, was just beginning their homeroom class.

Her gaze met Kamijou’s as she stood in front of the teacher’s desk.

As soon as it did, a strange “poro poro pen♪” sound effect came from above Kamijou’s head.

“Eh? What? What was that sound effect!? Was it a change to a parameter or flag? But what kind of flag!? Did I raise it or lower it? Which one!?”

“Are you still half asleep, Kamijou-chan? Stop saying such nonsense and get to your seat.”

As she spoke, a spade mark from a playing card floated above Komoe-sensei’s head. A bar graph next to it shot upwards.

“What does that even mean!? I could take a guess what parameter was rising with a heart, but a spade!?”

“Please just close the door already,” said Komoe-sensei cheerfully.

For some reason, the bar graph above her head began to visibly lower.

“Wait. I think this is an important scene. I can’t just skip past it! And this scares me! I don’t like not knowing what parameters and flags are changing!!”

“Sigh. Kamijou-chan, if you are still happily dreaming, you can go wash your face in the water fountain.”

Komoe-sensei had no intention of dealing with him, so she looked away and began checking the attendance book in her hand.

“Okay, okay. Kamijou-chan was just barely on time. Good morning. I have no particular announcements, so let’s have a peaceful day.”

Kamijou tilted his head and made his way to his desk while still confused. Himegami entered after him in her summer uniform and made her way to her desk with a dull look in her eyes.

Kamijou looked around the classroom from his desk. Everyone seemed more restless than usual, so he asked Aogami Pierce about it.

“Ah ha ha. Kami-yan, that’s cause we’ve got a transfer student coming in today.”

“What? A transfer student?”

“Ah ha ha. I ''hope to be'' a character who casually drops important hints in his casual conversations. Then when you’re in real trouble, my words will flash through your mind and show you the way to survive.”

“Nothing you have said to me has ever been useful like that.”

Despite Kamijou’s exhausted tone of voice, Aogami Pierce did not stop smiling.

Kamijou turned toward Komoe-sensei who had only her head showing above the teacher’s desk.

“Komoe-sensei, who’s the transfer student? Is it Himegami?”

“Kamijou-chan! Why does Himegami-chan have to transfer in twice!? Or was that such a small event that you don’t even remember it!?”

As Kamijou gave a puzzled look, the black-haired girl in the seat diagonally behind him was absorbed by a black aura. When at school, Himegami Aisa removed her shrine maiden outfit and hid her cross inside her sailor uniform, so she became a girl with incredibly few unique features.

“Oh, right. Himegami is the same age as me, isn’t she?”

“Otherwise she would not be part of our class, Kamijou-chan.”

“What an odd sign. I there any other foreshadowing left?”

“No! All of the mysteries surrounding Himegami-chan have been dealt with! There will be no strange events or rivals in love, so please just relax, Kamijou-chan!”

“Oh. Isn’t that great, Himegami?”

When he turned back toward her desk, her head was drooping down and she was muttering to herself.

“Nothing. There is nothing left. Nothing at all.”

(Did something bad happen to her?)

Suddenly, the bell rang.

“Oh, if we do not hurry, class will start. I have to go get the rumored transfer student. It looks like…Kamijou-chan has day duty today. Sorry, Kamijou-chan, but could you go to the library to get some materials I need for class?”

“Kgyaaaah!!”

Kamijou let out a scream at this demand for heavy labor, but then he stopped.

…

The library?

“So you ''are'' here.”

Kamijou Touma spoke dejectedly as soon as he set foot inside the school building’s first or second largest library.

Index, a silver-haired girl wearing white nun’s habit, sat at the checkout counter by the entrance.

“Mh. I’m the book manager character, so I’m the mysterious librarian today. Oh, and being mysterious means I know all about the legends of a grimoire hidden in the depths of the library, but I don’t know how to use that thing with buttons.”

“There are no such legends here. And ‘that thing with buttons’ is called a computer. And if you don’t know how to use it, you can’t check the list of books or who has checked out what. You have zero skill as a librarian, Index.”

“What are you talking about, Touma!? I just have to memorize the faces and names of the people who check out the books! And there are only 32,008 books here, so I can easily memorize the bookshelves and see what’s missing! Using the thing with the buttons is being lazy!!”

“…Well, I guess that memory of yours is mysterious.” Kamijou let out a weary sigh. “But this isn’t what a librarian character is supposed to be like. She’s supposed to be a timid older girl. Y’know, with glasses and huge breasts. And she’s always blushing because she isn’t used to talking with guys, but she starts talking passionately when the topic of a book she likes comes up. And once she comes back to her senses, she blushes all the more! What I’m looking for is the shy, non-combatant, tolerant, reinforcing type! Just like that huge-breasted character in front of you who’s sighing while reading a book of poetry that was popular from the 15th to 16th centuries!!”

“H-hu-huge? D-don’t s-say that…”

Kazakiri Hyouka, a huge-breasted girl wearing glasses, a short-sleeved blouse, and a blue skirt, shrank down and almost began to cry. She also embraced her own shoulders to hide her body, but it only pressed her large breasts together even further.

Kamijou took a step back and compared the two girls.

“…Kazakiri’s are about as big as Index’s head, don’t you think?”

With a look of shock, Index began swinging her arms around.

“Th-they’re not…!”

“They are not that big! They…can’t be! Stop…stop saying they are…huge…or as big as a head. …I-is it that much fun…to tease me!?”

At first, Index seemed surprised that Kazakiri was protesting so strongly, but she finally realized there were tears in the girl’s eyes.

“I-it’s okay, Hyouka. It isn’t true. …Touma, you idiot! Here, I’ll show you you’re wrong! Look, look!!”

As she shouted, Index suddenly embraced Kazakiri who was sitting next to her. She pressed her cheek against Kazakiri’s large breasts like a child burying her face in a soft cushion on a bed.

“Wahyah!?”

The sudden action made Kazakiri cry out.

“Look, Touma! They’re clearly smaller than my head!”

Kamijou’s thoughts silently froze solid.

Index did not understand the importance of the issue and he found himself unable to answer her questions. He transformed into a machine that could only nod its head.

However Index interpreted that, she seemed to grow a bit angry.

“Do you really like Hyouka that much? Are you saying she’s the better librarian!? Then I’ll give you what you want and show you my passion toward books like a true librarian! First, the Golden Bough! It was a wonderful experiment that tried to classify all the magic up until the 19th century into two categories, but there were of course exceptions! Trying to force everything to fit like that will lead to failure, so be careful!”

“…Ah!?”

With that, Kamijou finally recovered from his “confusion” status effect due to enough time passing.

“Um, Index? Telling me to be careful isn’t going to help much. No matter how much trivia you throw at me, I won’t really understand any of it. …And that isn’t how it should work. A librarian is supposed to give talks that even amateurs can understand and that draw out an interest in books. You’re supposed to sense both intelligence and kindness in her words.”

“Um, this is a library. I think you should try to be quieter…”

After Kamijou’s lecture and Kazakiri’s librarian-esque and reserved rebuke, Index’s confidence and pride had been smashed to pieces.

“U-uhh… But if you take books from me, I really have nothing left. If Hyouka takes the librarian spot, how am I supposed to live my life from now on?”

Index was so grief-stricken that Kamijou and Kazakiri began to feel guilty. They exchanged a glance and began thinking.

“Um… Uh… How about a character that is repeatedly learning and forgetting things?”

“I think a biting character would cover it pretty well.”

A vein popped out on Index’s temple.

She raised her head with a strange rumbling sound effect.

And she spoke.

“You’re fine with that?”

“What?”

“Touma, Touma. You’re fine with me living my life as a character that forgets all sorts of important things and bites you?”

“Eh!? Wait, Index, wait!! You can’t do that. Your bites are always major events! If you do that every day, every hour, every time, and every scene for no reason, it’ll lose all meaningaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!?”

The wild beast that had given up being a librarian climbed over the counter and attacked.

That boy had defeated Academy City’s strongest Level 5 with only a fist and stood before one of the world’s fewer than twenty Saints with no weapon whatsoever, but now he was helplessly knocked screaming to the ground.

With a girl’s tooth marks all over his body, Kamijou left the library while carrying quite a few books.

“Th-that explanation sounds a bit erotic, so why don’t I feel at all happy about it?”

As he walked unsteadily through the hallway, he heard hurried footsteps just before turning a corner.

(Hm? These uncivilized footsteps… Mikoto, maybe? But she’s in middle school. …No, wait! No one questioned Index or Kazakiri’s presence, so I can’t assume anything about this high school! She might be the character you run into while turning a corner! She even did almost exactly that on August 31!!)

Kamijou took a step or two back from the corner and prepared for the coming scene, but it was Komoe-sensei who appeared around the corner.

“Oh? Why are you in such a hurry, sensei?”

“I was looking for you! Honestly, how much time does it take to carry a few books!? I was worried something had happened! You need to focus on your task!”

Komoe-sensei took half of the books, told him to hurry back to the classroom, and staggered down the hall.

Kamijou sighed.

(Ah, I guess I was too worried. I was sure I would run into the transfer student or someone as I turned the corner. It makes sense. If Kamijou-san came installed with a functioning misfortune radar, he wouldn’t run into so much misfortune.)

Just as Kamijou relaxed and started around the corner, he ran into someone who seemed to break through vectors of the laws of physics.

Before he could see what had hit him, Kamijou flew through the air and diagonally struck the wall at the end of a T-junction. The books remained to fall where he had left them. Without hitting the ground, Kamijou bounced off the wall and struck the opposite wall. His overall path resembled a sideways V. That wall happened to have a window and he crashed into the pillar-like area between windows before finally falling to the hallway floor. Even so, his momentum sent him rolling. His path had changed from a sideways V to something resembling Dengeki Bunko’s lightning mark. His flight had been even more over-the-top than the Kazakiri pinball when she had been punched by Ellis in the underground mall.

As Kamijou continued to roll along the hallway, he spotted Accelerator sitting on the floor after falling backwards.

This was Academy City’s strongest Level 5.

This was the sole candidate for the Level 6 Shift who Kamijou had once fought in a train switchyard.

And he wore a short-sleeved sailor uniform that looked like a school’s summer uniform.

And a miniskirt.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow,” he said while sticking out his tongue.

A notebook and textbook fell out of his dropped bag. The name Suzushina Yuriko was written on them.

(Uuh…)

Kamijou finally stopped rolling.

“I don’t want this! There’s nothing good about this!! To be honest, I’m gonna vomit! This may be a standard and clichéd first step in a romance, but I can’t even imagine how this would progress any further!! And what’s with that obviously fake name!? Where did you get that sailor uniform!? Stop spreading your legs like this is a fan service scene! Don’t mock me!!”

As he shouted, Academy City’s strongest Level 5 remained collapsed in a sitting position.

“Apparently, I’m a character that suddenly appears without warning.”

“I think you’re a personification of the misfortune that always hangs around me.”

“Also, I’m apparently a character that won’t hate you at all no matter what you do to me.”

“Like hell you are!! Do you think you’re a delinquent girl who can’t be honest with her feelings so she always abuses the harmless protagonist yet ultimately knits him a hand-made sweater!?”

Kamijou began tearing at his head because he could no longer comprehend the whole character thing, but then someone else walked toward him.

It was a human wearing a green surgical gown who appeared masculine yet feminine, young yet aged, saintly yet sinful. Overall, he was an ambiguous person. He had a different type of silver hair than Index. His appeared to have lost all its color. That hair that extended down to his waist seemed to make it even harder to determine his age or sex.

His bare feet slapped against the floor as he approached.

“Why are you two not in class?”

“What? Who are you?”

“Well, it appears I am the board chairman character. I have serious doubts as to whether that qualifies as an entire category, but I must play the part as that is the part I was…ghbh!?”

Before the mysterious figure could finish speaking, Kamijou reflexively threw a punch.

“Gh..gbh… Wh-what are you doing?”

“I don’t really know, but I get the feeling it will solve everything on a global scale if I defeat you here.”

“P-please wait. I understand the desire to interfere with a secret character you never see on a daily basis. I do understand, but…bh!? But I must ask why you have so readily knocked me to the ground and climbed on top of…ghghgrbh.”

With the board chairman character defeated, Kamijou Touma wiped sweat from his brow with a gentle look on his face.

“Did that bring peace to the world?”

“What? So is this how you always do things?” asked Accelerator.

Kamijou was called to the faculty room because he had beaten up the board chairman.

As the boy hung his head, a female PE teacher wearing a green tracksuit laughed loudly.

“Ah hah hah hah! I completely understand how you feel, but you went a bit too far. Not letting the other person finish speaking isn’t like you, boy.”

The harmonious mood made it clear that board chairman was not popular with those who worked under him.

(But at any rate…)

Kamijou looked away from the tracksuit woman and turned toward one of the steel desks used by the teachers. A girl with a ponytail and strangely designed jeans sat at it. She was using an origami-sized piece of Japanese paper to slowly polish the blade of a sword.

“What are you doing here, Kanzaki?”

“I-I am not here because I want to be.” Kanzaki paused for a moment. “It seems I am a composed older character who helps you out and provides last-minute explanations. Apparently, that fit being a teacher. I would have felt more at home as a club president character, though”

“A club president? Not even in the senior year of high school are they that composed. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone who would look more out of place in a girl’s uniform… No, wait. I just saw one. …A horrible one.”

“But I am only eighteen years old.”

“Allegedly.”

“No! Please do not ruin everything I just said!”

“No eighteen-year-old is like that! In fact, it kind of scares me! Will I be like that in another two years!? What is going to change inside me during that time!?”

“Perhaps you will finally grow out of weekly shounen manga.”

“Seriously!? I won’t want to know what happens next!?”

As Kamijou shouted in surprise, someone walked past him. He was a tall foreigner wearing a white suit and with his hair dyed green. The cover of the attendance book under his arm said “Homeroom Teacher – Aureolus Izzard”.

“Naturally, I too am eighteen. It appears there is no causal relationship between one’s actual age and one’s knowledge and titles.”

“That… That has to be wrong. I can’t imagine this middle-aged man spending his summer break having fun, forgetting to do his homework, and having Komoe-sensei get mad at him.”

“Obviously, I do not think anyone spends the summer of their senior year of high school doing nothing but have fun. It would seem my position is that of a mysterious character who researches and uses unknown techniques. That falls under the category of a ‘mysterious teacher with a secret past in some hidden world’ better than the category of student.”

“I really don’t think you’re qualified to teach.”

“Truly, I must ask what I lack in that regard.”

“I could see you using magic to force knowledge directly into the brains of students with bad grades! And you’d probably have your entire class form that something-or-other choir with a dead look in their eyes!”

“Is that all? Surprisingly, there is more to teaching than following the textbook. Yes, I may be well suited to teach at a cram school.”

“Someone who defeats the head of cram school and takes over the building is ''not'' suited for that!!”

As Kamijou held his head and let out a cry, he spotted a girl with wavy blonde hair. She wore a red cape and a restraining outfit made out of belts. She also wore fluttering and see-through innerwear-like clothing and had saws and hammers hanging at her waist.

“Hey, winged Russian. What’s your role? Are you the guardian angel of a mission school? You’ve gotta be something beyond a normal human.”

“My first answer: I am an English teacher.”

Misha Kreutzev’s eyes rolled about behind her bangs as she gave that simple answer.

In a way, her appearance would indeed trouble high school boys, but Kamijou was unsure what about her fit being a teacher.

Not to mention…

“English? …Aren’t you Russian?”

“My first question: can a Russian not become an English teacher?”

“What?”

“My first supplementary explanation: Japanese people can become English teachers. Someone from England or America would be praised. So why is it odd for a Russian to be an English teacher? Can I interpret this as racial discrimination?”

“Wait! Eh? This is a misunderstanding! I was just thinking you would teach Russian or college astronomy or something! I didn’t mean anything by it!”

“My second answer: if you are that insistent, I can introduce you to an English teacher who is Japanese. Hino Jinsaku-sensei, you can handle the rest.”

“Eh? Ehh!? Wait! You can’t call him here even as a joke! Uuh!? There’s a letter on this desk that just says ‘I am on my way’!!”

As Kamijou balled up the letter and pretended he had not seen it, a knock came at the faculty room door and it slid open.

“Excuse me.”

Shirai Kuroko entered. She had brown hair in twintails and she was a bit shorter than Misaka Mikoto. She wore the same summer uniform as Mikoto, so descriptions of her appearance tended to lack detail.

Kamijou blinked a bit before speaking.

“I’m not sure how much longer I can keep asking questions with so many people showing up where they don’t belong, but why are you here?”

“I do not know. All I know is that I am an underclassmen character. I was given that part, so I must act accordingly. I can think up a reason later. I am a middle schooler in a high school, so even saying I am taking a school tour could work.”

Shirai’s explanation was extremely businesslike, but she suddenly froze in place.

“?”

Kamijou looked over and saw Kanzaki Kaori and the tracksuit-wearing Yomikawa Aiho chatting.

He turned back toward Shirai and saw that she was trembling.

“(Such a divine onee-sama aura! Basking in their light is the true desire of an underclassman character! …Ahh. No! Y-you mustn’t, Shirai Kuroko. You have only one onee-sama! Oh, but…uuh, ahh! Calm down, Shirai Kuroko! Picture your true onee-sama and calm down!!)”

As Shirai muttered to herself at length, she heard a familiar girl’s voice.

“Oh, there you are, says Misaka as she enters the faculty room.”

Misaka Imouto, who wore Tokiwadai Middle School’s summer uniform and had goggles on her forehead, stomped over toward Kamijou.

“O-o-o-onee-sama?”

Shirai was shocked at the sudden appearance of this goddess.

But then more and more identical girls entered the faculty room behind Misaka Imouto.

“It seems Misaka has finally found the Kamijou boy, says Misaka to make sure.” “Misaka has confirmed it.” “Misaka has confirmed it as well.” “All Misakas, it is time for a roll call, announces Misaka.” “Serial Number 10032.” “Serial Number 10033.” “Serial Number 10034.” “10035 is here too.” “10036 is present.” “10037 is doing fine.”

This many Misakas proved too much happiness for Shirai to handle.

An abnormal smile appeared on the twintailed girl’s face and she slowly collapsed backwards.

“S-so many…onee-samas… Wh-what is with this abnormally high onee-sama density?”

As Kuroko twitched in ecstasy, Kamijou awkwardly looked away.

“Um, I don’t think the ‘onee-sama’ you’re talking about is here.”

He turned back toward the Sisters. The girls with goggles on their foreheads did resemble Mikoto quite a bit, but they were not actually Misaka Mikoto. He did have a feeling he saw one girl without goggles somewhere toward the back, though.

“I’m right over here! Huh? Ah! I can’t break through this wall of Sisters!”

Kamijou thought he heard a voice coming from the crowd, but he saw nothing but the same face when he looked in that direction.

After English class with a Russian wearing restraints and history class with an Italian who used a unique teaching style, lunchtime finally arrived.

Kamijou staggered to the cafeteria, spotted an army of Sisters filling up all of the seats, averted his gaze wearily, and spotted a girl in a maid outfit working busily behind the counter. It was Tsuchimikado Maika.

“I’m not even going to ask why you’re here. Your presence is relatively peaceful.”

“There really isn’t a place for a maid here, so my only chance for an appearance was to make a connection between my apron and the cafeteria.”

“Yeah, you’d never see a maid at school.”

“They’re a common sight at Tokiwadai Middle School.”

“Damn that Biri Biri…”

Hearing about that nouveau riche school life caused a dark flame to burn within petit bourgeois Kamijou Touma.

He received a bowl of salt ramen from Maika and turned toward the cafeteria.

It was lunchtime, so it was naturally crowded. However, the crowd was made up entirely of identical Misaka faces. They were all eating the tonkatsu meal with identical motions, so the sight went beyond surreal and reached bizarre.

He walked through the cafeteria of identical people and sat across from ''Misaka Mikoto''.

Mikoto looked a bit surprised.

“This may be odd coming from me, but how could you tell I was the real one so easily?”

“If you actually look, it isn’t that hard.”

Kamijou’s response was completely casual, but Mikoto blushed a bit. Kamijou split his chopsticks and continued speaking.

“After all, you’re the only one eating something weird.”

“It is not weird! I’m just eating ratatouille! And what was that budding within me just now? Give me back that throbbing of my heart!!”

“I can’t even imagine what language or region ratatouille is from.”

“Hey! Are you so focused on the food that you can’t see me!?”

“They’d never have something that rare in our cafeteria. Is this the Maika effect? Not bad, Maika.”

Kamijou turned toward the counter and saw the maid girl spinning pizza dough on her index finger. Having been driven outside Kamijou’s visual spotlight, Mikoto covered her face with her hands and began to sob.

“U-uuh… What kind of character do you think I am?”

“What? Do I really have to classify you like that? Well, maybe you’re one of those characters with bangs too long to see the eyes.”

“I’m a faceless background character!? Damn. And the Sisters have the relatively important position of a little sister character.”

As Mikoto complained about her position in life, someone spoke up from the side.

“That’s right, that’s right. Misaka is a little sister character too, says Misaka as Misaka waves her arms around and takes advantage of the situation.”

“?”

Kamijou and Mikoto turned toward the voice.

They saw a girl with almost the exact same face as Mikoto or Misaka Imouto, but she appeared to be about ten, she was about a head shorter than Mikoto, and she was naked except for a single light blue blanket.

“Even among all the little sister characters, Misaka has the distinction of being the ultimate loli character, says Misaka as Misaka makes her announcement. Misaka looks ten and is actually zero years old. If you’re into this kind of inexcusable body, then look all you want, says Misaka as Misaka proudly puffs her chest out.”

“I see…”

Kamijou and Mikoto exchanged a glance.

“Who are you?” they asked in unison.

The little girl’s shoulder’s jumped in surprise.

“W-w-wahhhhh! Come to think of it, this is the first time you have seen Misaka, says Misaka as Misaka gives her final comment before running away.”

Kamijou watched as the mysterious blanket girl covered her face with her hands and ran off, but he finally turned back toward Mikoto as if nothing had happened.

“The Sisters are little sister characters due to that name, so maybe you should’ve had the character for little sister in your name.”

“Then I would have to bear that cross even after I turned forty or fifty.” Mikoto sighed. “Everyone’s been going on about characters today. What has happened to Academy City? Even Tokiwadai is filled with a strange atmosphere. Roses are blooming all over the place for no reason and there are tea parties, ringlet curls, and ‘oh ho ho’ laughter everywhere.”

“Isn’t Tokiwadai always like that?”

“What kind of place do you think my school is?” Mikoto sank wearily down. “Ahh, it’s due to some ‘rules’ that Academy City is messed up, right? Kuroko embraced me first thing in the morning. She claimed she had no choice, but I still knocked her away with my pillow. What kind of rule makes someone suddenly hug you with a giant smile on their face?”

Kamijou tilted his head.

He had a feeling Himegami had said something about that in the morning, but he did not remember the details because he had not taken notes.

He tried to remember what she had said about the rules.

“I think it was something about a letter in my shoe locker after school. And the instant I read it, this strange everyday life will end. Himegami said I would live a life free of any troubles if I didn’t get a single letter.”

“From what I heard, a rule says all but the most suitable letter will vanish if multiple are placed inside. In other words, you can’t complete multiple routes at once. Also, letters from guys don’t count.”

Mikoto’s explanation used some technical words, so it was difficult to understand.

(I think Himegami said something about entering the route of the person who sends me the letter and being stuck there until the ending.)

“But I don’t really see a causal relationship between that letter and the characters.”

“Hm. I don’t think the letter is what is producing the characters. In fact, any kind of ending should work.”

“?”

“''What matters is that you bring it to an end.'' The center of the change is not the letter. It’s us, the humans. Some kind of rule or trick is amplifying the characterization that creates clichéd thoughts, actions, and situations. The group that has been twisted wants a clichéd ending from a clichéd person. That will return us to our normal lives. So the actual method of ending does not matter. Instead of the letter, you could have someone secretly confess their love to you behind the school building, you could defeat a giant monster, or you could have a sunset fistfight on an embankment. You just need something that marks a clear ending. But given the people here, the letter would probably cause the least damage to the surroundings.”

(Not good.)

Miss Misaka Mikoto was beginning to break after getting too heated up.

“At any rate, this is annoying, so could you hurry up and end it?”

“Ah, Kamijou-san can feel tears welling up after finally meeting someone who sees this the same way.”

“Has this been that bad? By the way, I’m stuck being a high class girl character, but that isn’t happening. Sometimes I have no idea how to even put on those frilly dresses. And while I can play piano or do ballroom dancing, I’m not proud of the fact and I don’t look down on people who can’t. I want to read manga just like everyone else and canned tea is just fine.”

“Y-you’re normal. The normal world has finally returned to me!”

Kamijou trembled with joy.

“What are you so overjoyed about?” Mikoto sighed. “All of that is just an inaccurate stereotype. You can just have a specialized staff member put the dress on you and you can have a maid bring you the tea. You may wear pretty things and eat delicious things, but you never need to use your own hands. There are people to choose for you and bring it to you. Why even pay people who force you to exhaust your brain by having you think about it?”

“…That settles it. You’re definitely a sheltered rich girl!!”

Kamijou Touma felt the same as a traveler who thought he had finally found someone who spoke his language but was actually a con artist who targeted tourists.

“Eh!? Why? You’d be worried if a taxi driver hesitantly asked you which was the gas and which was the brake, right?”

“Middle schoolers don’t use taxis that often! I’m starting to think you’ll say ‘let them eat cake’!”

“???”

Mikoto stared at Kamijou in confusion.

“Anyway, we’ve been talking about characters, but what kind of character are you?”

“What?” Kamijou thought about it for a bit. “Hm. A misfortune character, I guess?”

“Misfortune?” One of Mikoto’s eyebrows shot up. “Misfortune!?”

“Ee!?”

Her sudden shout almost made Kamijou jump back, but she quickly began to point around her at the many Sisters eating their tonkatsu meals.

“I don’t see any misfortune around here!! You oblivious lucky bastard! You know just under 10,000 girls (i-in an incredibly favorable way), so don’t give me this misfortune crap! Honestly, honestly, honestly, honestly! You raise flags and then just leave them! If you raise the flag, do something about it!!”

“That’s right, stupid Touma!”

Index entered the cafeteria as if responding to Mikoto’s shout.

“You’re always like that, Touma! You get to know everyone around you yet don’t advance any further. But you don’t give up on those girls either! You just hold on to them! And what’s this about 10,000!? That’s the same as a small city-state’s population!!”

Hearing the commotion, Komoe-sensei and Himegami Aisa arrived.

“Ten thousand? Heh. You mustn’t underestimate the legend of Kamijou-chan, sister-chan. How many stories do you think he had created before he met you? Heh heh heh. Eh heh heh heh.”

“He will destroy the illusions of that girl’s virginity with the fingers of his right hand.”

The black-haired girl’s deadpan comment caught the ear of Yomikawa and Kanzaki as they passed by.

“Oh, are you saying I’m destined to eventually gain a taste for younger guys?”

“At the very least, he was not able to win over the archangel of the back.”

The sword-wielding girl’s words produced a response from Misha who was no longer even trying to hide the wings growing from her back.

“My first answer: I technically have no ego, so that would be impossible. However, it is possible that an abnormal situation like before could cause an error in the standard values for my actions and create something similar to an ego. His right hand possesses enough destructive power for that, so I cannot let my guard down.”

Glasses-wearing Kazakiri Hyouka timidly spoke up.

“And he has no problem with someone who isn’t human…”

All of the Sisters looked up from their tonkatsu meals.

“He also does not seem to mind if you are artificial, adds Misaka.”

Shirai Kuroko stomped into the cafeteria with her hands on her hips.

“That’s right. That’s right. Onee-sama, you have gotten too close to this gentleman. You need to put some distance between you. And perhaps you can come closer to me? …Bgah!? Th-the cafeteria is filled with onee-samas…”

As Shirai Kuroko collapsed to the ground while bleeding from the nose, she almost crushed a girl covering herself with a light blue blanket.

“Y-you are too heavy, says Misaka as Misaka sends out a warning message. Misaka wants to make a comment too and Misaka wants an equal chance to give her opinion, so why will no one listen to her? wails Misaka as Misaka struggles underneath this girl who is covered in blood.”

The blanket girl said something, but everyone exchanged a glance and gave heartless comments of “Who’s that?”, “Who is that, Touma?”, and “This is technically the first time Misaka has seen her, answers Misaka as she places her tonkatsu on top of rice.” Meanwhile, Shirai Kuroko twitched happily on the floor while saying, “O-onee-sama has shrunk down.”

After all of the gathered girls exchanged a glance, they finally all focused on a single point.

“So what kind of character are you, Touma?” “I think all these flags should make that obvious.” “You may think all of the Misakas count as a single flag, but that will not cut it, comments Misaka with 10,000 voices.” “Misaka is one of those, but no one will pay any attention to her, says Misaka as Misaka is driven to the edge of despair.” “Heh. Eh heh heh. I, Kuroko, will give you so much attention you will lose track of time.” “Y’know, if you put some work into it, my route might be a possibility.” “Come to think of it, maid-chan, your flag isn’t waving much despite how often you’re with Kamijou-chan.” “Oh, are you saying your flag is waving, Tsukuyomi-sensei?” “Um, we can…start as friends…” “My first question: before we discuss whether this is a malfunction due to Angel Fall, may I punish you in the name of Gabriel for the sin of lust?” “I agree with you there, but his idiocy is too much to fix by hitting him. In fact, hitting him can make him even stronger and more determined.” “Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Your mother is here to make a quick appearance in the chaos.” “Then I’m gonna slip in to tease nii-chan. It’s me, Otohime. Let’s go play!” “…I wasn’t able to say anything.”

The deluge of voices from all directions approached the limits of Kamijou’s mental processing power.

His eyes started spinning around in his head.

“W-w-wahh!? I give, I give! Not even Prince Shoutoku could follow this many simultaneous conversations! In the end, what is it you all want to say!?”

Everyone there stared at Kamijou.

The focus sent a chill down that high school boy’s spine.

The nun and the girl with around 10,000 clones spoke in unison to represent the group.

“Are you sure you’re not the character that never chooses and loses everything?”

The school day finally came to an end.

Kamijou Touma had made it through art class with Sherry-sensei who was focused on making avant-garde art from a collection of trash, he had seen Tsuchimikado who was holding his head in his hands after working hard behind the scenes but achieving nothing, and he had met the frog-faced school doctor who had asked, “Disappointed I’m not a beautiful woman?” After cleaning up the home economics room and arriving in the empty school entranceway, he hesitantly opened his shoe locker and peeked inside.

It was there.

He saw an envelope.

Rather than a vertically-oriented manila envelope, it was a horizontally-oriented white envelope from a Western letter set. It was sealed with a red sticker and that was the only color on it.

According to the rules, this letter would bring an end to the school life he had lived today.

They also said this was a special day that would greatly influence his life, ''so the sender of this letter was heavily related to the rest of his life.

It was something like an absolute love letter that could not be rejected or questioned.

“Who is it from?”

Kamijou glanced around before picking up the envelope. It was so smooth that he questioned whether it was really paper. He did not know any of the brand names in the letter set industry, but he could guess this was high quality. He did not know if the paper had smelled that way to begin with or if someone had sprayed perfume on it for effect, but it had a faint sweet aroma to it. Everything about it seemed high quality.

The sender’s name was not given on the front or back.

“…”

Deciding to open it, he brought his fingers to the red sticker, but then he hesitated. It felt the same as touching an item in a glass case at a museum. He brought his index finger up and down across the red sticker a few different times to gradually peel it up with his fingernail.

The sticker made no noise as it was peeled off.

Such a sound would have been too unrefined for it.

It may have used a special adhesive like a sticky note. The sticker made no noise and it left no trace behind. It carefully peeled away like a silk garment slipping from a girl’s shoulder.

As Kamijou stuck his hand in the envelope, he realized his fingertips were trembling. He could not grab the paper before his eyes. After two or three failures, he finally pulled out the letter.

It was only one page.

The light pastel paper was folded into three. Unfolding it made Kamijou nervous.

It said the following:

“Dear Kamijou Touma-sama.”

“Sama!?”

He jumped in meaningless surprise and continued to read through the letter. As he did, he pictured the faces and names of those who might have sent it.

“Please forgive the suddenness of this missive. I could not restrain myself any longer and simply had to express my feelings to you.”

(Index?)

“I am fully aware of the special rules covering Academy City. My intentions fall in line with those very rules.”

(Himegami Aisa, Misaka Mikoto, Misaka Imouto, Kanzaki Kaori, Misha, Accelerat-…no, wait. Delete that last one. Shirai Kuroko, Tsuchimikado Maika, Kazakiri Hyouka, Tsukuyomi Komoe, Yomikawa Aiho, that strange blanket girl.)

“According to the aforementioned rules, all but the true letter will vanish if you receive more than one. I hope that my letter will not vanish and I am praying that my hope will reach you.”

(Who is it? The writing is very polite. The high quality envelope bothers me too. But she might speak and write differently and the envelope might have been a one-time splurge. …Still, the fact that she used a letter instead of email might be a hint.)

“I love you.”

(Who? Who!? Who!!?)

“I merely wish you will receive my words with happiness. Love, ●●●●●●●.”

“Huh?”

The end of the letter made Kamijou tilt his head.

What had likely been the sender’s name had been blotted out with a pen.

The identity of the sender remained a mystery.

(No. Not after coming this far. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Kamijou-san will not let you leave something so major unresolved! Damn, isn’t there any way of reading the name!? And what good is it to get embarrassed here!? Is this some new technique for teasing a guy!?)

Kamijou tried flipping the letter over, tracing his finger across it, and some other things. Once he held it up to the fluorescent light above, he could just barely make out the writing. The name had been written while pressing down hard and then it had been more lightly crossed out, so the writing left an indentation in the paper.

He read the first small, cutesy letter hidden below the ink.

“I”

“I!?”

He only knew one person who’s name began with I.

Without realizing it, Kamijou brought his face closer and closer to the letter.

“Innocentius.”

In an instant, Kamijou Touma threw the letter and envelope to the ground.

Blood vessels bulged out all across his face like a cantaloupe.

A dangerous light entered his eyes.

“That goddamn prieeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssttttttttttttttttttt!! Why didn’t you catch on from the moment the envelope ''smelled of perfume'', Kamijou Touma!?”

A waterfall of bitter tears flowed from the pure boy’s eyes and his scream resounded throughout the evening school building.

He then heard the sound of a burning flame giant behind him.

The rules had said a letter from a guy would not count.

But that did not help with a mass of flames that had no gender and was not even alive. The rules came to an end without actually deciding whether that counted or not.

“You understand, don’t you?”

As he listened to the bloodcurdling scream, the Anglican priest leaning against the school building’s wall lightly shut one eye.

“I’m not mature enough to sit idly by when I see something like this.”

He held ''multiple envelopes''.

He had not checked inside them, but they likely held people’s true desires without a single joke.

Stiyl began walking toward Kamijou Touma’s classroom while the envelopes were on the verge of vanishing due to the rules. According to the rules, the letters ''would not vanish'' if they were put somewhere other than Kamijou’s shoe locker. If Stiyl stuck them in the boy’s desk, Kamijou would eventually notice them.

The young priest took on what was clearly the losing role.

He did not realize it himself, but he almost seemed to be enjoying himself.

<noinclude>
{{Toaru_Nav|next=Toaru_Majutsu_no_Index:White_Day_and_Graduation_SS|prev=Toaru_Majutsu_no_Index:A_Certain_Prophecy_Index}}
</noinclude>

Toaru Majutsu no Index:A Certain Academy Index

2014-02-01T04:45:46Z

24.98.20.208:

==A Certain Academy Index==
Note: This is a non-canon parody SS written by Kamachi Kazuma around the time of Volume 6 of the main series.

Academy City was an esper development institution created out of western Tokyo. The city’s population was approximately 2.3 million. Most of those were espers who had awakened to some sort of power and the city was overflowing with futuristic items such as wind turbines and automatic cleaning robots.

In one corner of that strange city was a relatively inconspicuous student dormitory.

In one room of that building, a normal high school boy named Kamijou Touma was awakened by a flying body attack.

“Gbhhh!? Gbhgbhogbah!!”

“Good morning, says Misaka as a morning greeting as she sits on your stomach.”

He heard an emotionless voice.

He saw shoulder-length brown hair, small facial features, a white short-sleeved blouse, a beige summer sweater, and a gray pleated skirt. This girl closely resembled a girl he knew, but something was not quite right. This girl with large night vision goggles on her forehead was known as Misaka Imouto. She had the same characteristics as a certain girl down to the genetic level and he desperately tried to recall her serial number using his mind which was woozy with pain.

(Was it #10031…no, 32? Or was it 35? I don’t think it got up to 40. Oh, right. It was #10032.)

“Wh-why are you sitting on my stomach, Misaka Imouto? I wasn’t hoping for a surprising entrance from you.”

“Betraying your hopes is the entire point, replies Misaka as she rocks back and forth on top of you.”

“U-uhh… M-Misaka Imouto, I thought you were one of the few people I knew who actually had common sense! Also, betraying my expectations is fine, but don’t betray my hopes!”

Kamijou shouted from the bottom of an empty bathtub. His situation had left him unable to sleep in his bed most of the time.

Misaka Imouto tilted her head like a well-oiled machine.

“Oh? But it seems Misaka is a little sister character today, so she must act based on those standards, explains Misaka as she shows no sign of getting off of you.”

“L-little sister?”

“Yes. Those were Misaka’s instructions, so she must act accordingly, says Misaka as she moves the conversation forward and decides staying like this forever would be fine.”

(No, having you sitting on my stomach forever would be a pretty big problem.)

“Wait. I don’t…I don’t understand at all. J-just move out of the way! Nothing good can come of Index seeing us like this!!”

“That white girl is not in this room today, says Misaka as she angrily puts her entire weight on you for bringing up another girl.”

“Gbhaah!! Wait, wait! Were you really this kind of character before!? And what do you mean Index isn’t here?”

“That white girl was given the role of a book manager character rather than a roommate character, so it appears she was sent elsewhere, answers Misaka while puffing out her cheeks. If you want to see her, go somewhere with lots of books, says Misaka as she puts even more weight on you while making angry sound effects.”

“I give! I give, I give, I give!!”

Kamijou struggled beneath the great pressure.

“How about Misaka does something appropriate of a little sister character? suggests Misaka.”

“That’s quite a catastrophic-sounding suggestion. Also, I have to get to school.”

“But we went to the effort of mobilizing all of the Misakas, says Misaka while pointing over there.”

“You’re not listening! Were you really such a forceful character before!? …Wait. All of the Misakas? What do you mean by…wahh!?”

“Misaka is a little sister character, replies Misaka.”

“Misaka is also a little sister character, replies Misaka.”

“Misaka is yet another little sister character, replies Misaka.” “Where should Misaka begin? asks Misaka.” “An early morning event is perfect for a little sister character, answers Misaka.” “What should a little sister character do first?” “Serial Number 10032 already demonstrated it.” “Oh, the flying body press.” “Then, let us go with that, says Misaka.” “Yes, says Mi-” “Yes, says-” “Yes,-” “Ye-”

The bathroom was soon filled with Misakas.

A battered Kamijou walked down the path to school while wondering how he was still alive. The wind turbines were spinning in the morning wind, but it was still quite hot due to the late summer heat. By the time homeroom began, it would turn into a hellish heat.

Misaka Imouto was not with him at present.

The only reason he did not have just under ten thousand identical girls following him was that he had run away. It was possible the Sisters were beginning a search across Academy City.

(Honestly, what was that? Misaka Imouto and the others have broken in a ridiculous way and Index really wasn’t in the dorm.)

He did not know what meaning their little sister act held, but he felt there had to be a better way of doing it. As he trembled while recalling almost being crushed to death in the bathroom, he saw Himegami Aisa walking up ahead. She had a very Japanese style with her long straight black hair and shrine maiden outfit, but she also wore a large cross necklace at her chest.

“Oh? Morning, Himegami. We have school today, so why the shrine maiden outfit?”

“These are my normal clothes. I take a morning walk every day,” she answered blankly.

Kamijou was worried that she did not have much time left before school started.

She stared off into space while thinking and then finally spoke again.

“I am wearing something other than my usual uniform. Is it a bit moe?”

“…The uniform is a rarer sight with you.”

Kamijou’s answer caused Himegami’s mood to drop like a rock.

“First Misaka Imouto and now her. What’s with everyone today?” muttered Kamijou with a tilt of the head.

Himegami recovered after two seconds.

“''Today is that kind of day.''”

“What?”

“Academy City is a bit odd today. The ‘school comedy’ side is being emphasized. As long as the temporary rules are in effect, people must obey them.”

“Rules?”

“Yes. The rules that make up the deepest foundation of common knowledge.”

“Um… Why is this happening?”

“There are multiple factors piled on top of each other. For example, the AIM diffusion fields are out of control. Also, someone is carrying out an Ars Magna experiment by reading and reproducing the residual thoughts left in Misawa Cram School. Lastly, the four realms have been shaken by the fall of an angel. And as usual, everything is happening with you in the center.”

“…”

Kamijou listened to Himegami with a grim look.

She had said the “school comedy” side of the city was being emphasized, but he tilted his head as he wondered if that meant what he thought it did. Academy City was indeed a condensed version of every kind of educational facility in the world, but he did not see any need to include that.

At the same time, he had a very bad feeling about what was going to happen due to a ridiculous situation happening behind the scenes.

(Oh, no. I’m not going to make an enemy of an angel and get my ass kicked by Tsuchimikado again, am I?)

A weak smile appeared on his face.

“By the way, your actions will cause a change to the world afterwards.”

“What? I-I’m not sure what you mean.”

“When I say ‘afterwards’, I mean after school today. It seems there will be a letter from a girl in your shoe locker. The instant you read it, this abnormal situation will come to an end. In other words, that will set your route.”

“My route?”

“Many different powers are at work both externally and within, so there is no changing your route once it is set. You are stuck on it until the ending. If you do not carefully manage your flags and parameters, it seems you will end up in tears. Real life has a forced autosave function, so you cannot simply hit the reset button.”

“Flags? Parameters?”

A strange image appeared in Kamijou’s confused head, but he shook his head to erase it. He recognized the terms Himegami was using, but they all reminded him of strange things.

“A letter from a guy does not count. No matter how many letters are placed in your shoe locker before school ends, only one will remain. If no one chooses you and you receive no letter at all, you will live a life free of any troubles.”

“Where did you learn all of this anyway?”

For some reason, Kamijou’s casual question caused Himegami to place her hands on her cheeks.

“I do not know. When I woke up, someone stood by my bed. They were glowing, they had swan-like wings growing from their back, and they had a ring above their head.”

“Probably just a burglar.”

“Yes, I suppose that would be the answer of the one who destroys illusions.”

Himegami gave the smile of a defeated boxer.

“The one who destroys illusions, hm? So what kind of character are you?”

Himegami looked off into empty space for a moment before answering.

“I am the exposition character. I am needed to advance the story.”

“I’m not sure that counts as a unique character type. We already have tons of exposition characters. Index and Komoe-sensei for example.”

However, the girl with the glitter in her eyes was not listening.

After receiving all those mysteries and that foreshadowing, Kamijou somehow made it to school.

Thinking about the letter Himegami had mentioned seemed to have eaten up a lot of time because he arrived at the classroom a bit later than usual. As he entered, Tsukuyomi Komoe, the 135 cm teacher who looked twelve, was just beginning their homeroom class.

Her gaze met Kamijou’s as she stood in front of the teacher’s desk.

As soon as it did, a strange “poro poro pen♪” sound effect came from above Kamijou’s head.

“Eh? What? What was that sound effect!? Was it a change to a parameter or flag? But what kind of flag!? Did I raise it or lower it? Which one!?”

“Are you still half asleep, Kamijou-chan? Stop saying such nonsense and get to your seat.”

As she spoke, a spade mark from a playing card floated above Komoe-sensei’s head. A bar graph next to it shot upwards.

“What does that even mean!? I could take a guess what parameter was rising with a heart, but a spade!?”

“Please just close the door already,” said Komoe-sensei cheerfully.

For some reason, the bar graph above her head began to visibly lower.

“Wait. I think this is an important scene. I can’t just skip past it! And this scares me! I don’t like not knowing what parameters and flags are changing!!”

“Sigh. Kamijou-chan, if you are still happily dreaming, you can go wash your face in the water fountain.”

Komoe-sensei had no intention of dealing with him, so she looked away and began checking the attendance book in her hand.

“Okay, okay. Kamijou-chan was just barely on time. Good morning. I have no particular announcements, so let’s have a peaceful day.”

Kamijou tilted his head and made his way to his desk while still confused. Himegami entered after him in her summer uniform and made her way to her desk with a dull look in her eyes.

Kamijou looked around the classroom from his desk. Everyone seemed more restless than usual, so he asked Aogami Pierce about it.

“Ah ha ha. Kami-yan, that’s cause we’ve got a transfer student coming in today.”

“What? A transfer student?”

“Ah ha ha. I ''hope to be'' a character who casually drops important hints in his casual conversations. Then when you’re in real trouble, my words will flash through your mind and show you the way to survive.”

“Nothing you have said to me has ever been useful like that.”

Despite Kamijou’s exhausted tone of voice, Aogami Pierce did not stop smiling.

Kamijou turned toward Komoe-sensei who had only her head showing above the teacher’s desk.

“Komoe-sensei, who’s the transfer student? Is it Himegami?”

“Kamijou-chan! Why does Himegami-chan have to transfer in twice!? Or was that such a small event that you don’t even remember it!?”

As Kamijou gave a puzzled look, the black-haired girl in the seat diagonally behind him was absorbed by a black aura. When at school, Himegami Aisa removed her shrine maiden outfit and hid her cross inside her sailor uniform, so she became a girl with incredibly few unique features.

“Oh, right. Himegami is the same age as me, isn’t she?”

“Otherwise she would not be part of our class, Kamijou-chan.”

“What an odd sign. I there any other foreshadowing left?”

“No! All of the mysteries surrounding Himegami-chan have been dealt with! There will be no strange events or rivals in love, so please just relax, Kamijou-chan!”

“Oh. Isn’t that great, Himegami?”

When he turned back toward her desk, her head was drooping down and she was muttering to herself.

“Nothing. There is nothing left. Nothing at all.”

(Did something bad happen to her?)

Suddenly, the bell rang.

“Oh, if we do not hurry, class will start. I have to go get the rumored transfer student. It looks like…Kamijou-chan has day duty today. Sorry, Kamijou-chan, but could you go to the library to get some materials I need for class?”

“Kgyaaaah!!”

Kamijou let out a scream at this demand for heavy labor, but then he stopped.

…

The library?

“So you ''are'' here.”

Kamijou Touma spoke dejectedly as soon as he set foot inside the school building’s first or second largest library.

Index, a silver-haired girl wearing white nun’s habit, sat at the checkout counter by the entrance.

“Mh. I’m the book manager character, so I’m the mysterious librarian today. Oh, and being mysterious means I know all about the legends of a grimoire hidden in the depths of the library, but I don’t know how to use that thing with buttons.”

“There are no such legends here. And ‘that thing with buttons’ is called a computer. And if you don’t know how to use it, you can’t check the list of books or who has checked out what. You have zero skill as a librarian, Index.”

“What are you talking about, Touma!? I just have to memorize the faces and names of the people who check out the books! And there are only 32,008 books here, so I can easily memorize the bookshelves and see what’s missing! Using the thing with the buttons is being lazy!!”

“…Well, I guess that memory of yours is mysterious.” Kamijou let out a weary sigh. “But this isn’t what a librarian character is supposed to be like. She’s supposed to be a timid older girl. Y’know, with glasses and huge breasts. And she’s always blushing because she isn’t used to talking with guys, but she starts talking passionately when the topic of a book she likes comes up. And once she comes back to her senses, she blushes all the more! What I’m looking for is the shy, non-combatant, tolerant, reinforcing type! Just like that huge-breasted character in front of you who’s sighing while reading a book of poetry that was popular from the 15th to 16th centuries!!”

“H-hu-huge? D-don’t s-say that…”

Kazakiri Hyouka, a huge-breasted girl wearing glasses, a short-sleeved blouse, and a blue skirt, shrank down and almost began to cry. She also embraced her own shoulders to hide her body, but it only pressed her large breasts together even further.

Kamijou took a step back and compared the two girls.

“…Kazakiri’s are about as big as Index’s head, don’t you think?”

With a look of shock, Index began swinging her arms around.

“Th-they’re not…!”

“They are not that big! They…can’t be! Stop…stop saying they are…huge…or as big as a head. …I-is it that much fun…to tease me!?”

At first, Index seemed surprised that Kazakiri was protesting so strongly, but she finally realized there were tears in the girl’s eyes.

“I-it’s okay, Hyouka. It isn’t true. …Touma, you idiot! Here, I’ll show you you’re wrong! Look, look!!”

As she shouted, Index suddenly embraced Kazakiri who was sitting next to her. She pressed her cheek against Kazakiri’s large breasts like a child burying her face in a soft cushion on a bed.

“Wahyah!?”

The sudden action made Kazakiri cry out.

“Look, Touma! They’re clearly smaller than my head!”

Kamijou’s thoughts silently froze solid.

Index did not understand the importance of the issue and he found himself unable to answer her questions. He transformed into a machine that could only nod its head.

However Index interpreted that, she seemed to grow a bit angry.

“Do you really like Hyouka that much? Are you saying she’s the better librarian!? Then I’ll give you what you want and show you my passion toward books like a true librarian! First, the Golden Bough! It was a wonderful experiment that tried to classify all the magic up until the 19th century into two categories, but there were of course exceptions! Trying to force everything to fit like that will lead to failure, so be careful!”

“…Ah!?”

With that, Kamijou finally recovered from his “confusion” status effect due to enough time passing.

“Um, Index? Telling me to be careful isn’t going to help much. No matter how much trivia you throw at me, I won’t really understand any of it. …And that isn’t how it should work. A librarian is supposed to give talks that even amateurs can understand and that draw out an interest in books. You’re supposed to sense both intelligence and kindness in her words.”

“Um, this is a library. I think you should try to be quieter…”

After Kamijou’s lecture and Kazakiri’s librarian-esque and reserved rebuke, Index’s confidence and pride had been smashed to pieces.

“U-uhh… But if you take books from me, I really have nothing left. If Hyouka takes the librarian spot, how am I supposed to live my life from now on?”

Index was so grief-stricken that Kamijou and Kazakiri began to feel guilty. They exchanged a glance and began thinking.

“Um… Uh… How about a character that is repeatedly learning and forgetting things?”

“I think a biting character would cover it pretty well.”

A vein popped out on Index’s temple.

She raised her head with a strange rumbling sound effect.

And she spoke.

“You’re fine with that?”

“What?”

“Touma, Touma. You’re fine with me living my life as a character that forgets all sorts of important things and bites you?”

“Eh!? Wait, Index, wait!! You can’t do that. Your bites are always major events! If you do that every day, every hour, every time, and every scene for no reason, it’ll lose all meaningaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!?”

The wild beast that had given up being a librarian climbed over the counter and attacked.

That boy had defeated Academy City’s strongest Level 5 with only a fist and stood before one of the world’s fewer than twenty Saints with no weapon whatsoever, but now he was helplessly knocked screaming to the ground.

With a girl’s tooth marks all over his body, Kamijou left the library while carrying quite a few books.

“Th-that explanation sounds a bit erotic, so why don’t I feel at all happy about it?”

As he walked unsteadily through the hallway, he heard hurried footsteps just before turning a corner.

(Hm? These uncivilized footsteps… Mikoto, maybe? But she’s in middle school. …No, wait! No one questioned Index or Kazakiri’s presence, so I can’t assume anything about this high school! She might be the character you run into while turning a corner! She even did almost exactly that on August 31!!)

Kamijou took a step or two back from the corner and prepared for the coming scene, but it was Komoe-sensei who appeared around the corner.

“Oh? Why are you in such a hurry, sensei?”

“I was looking for you! Honestly, how much time does it take to carry a few books!? I was worried something had happened! You need to focus on your task!”

Komoe-sensei took half of the books, told him to hurry back to the classroom, and staggered down the hall.

Kamijou sighed.

(Ah, I guess I was too worried. I was sure I would run into the transfer student or someone as I turned the corner. It makes sense. If Kamijou-san came installed with a functioning misfortune radar, he wouldn’t run into so much misfortune.)

Just as Kamijou relaxed and started around the corner, he ran into someone who seemed to break through vectors of the laws of physics.

Before he could see what had hit him, Kamijou flew through the air and diagonally struck the wall at the end of a T-junction. The books remained to fall where he had left them. Without hitting the ground, Kamijou bounced off the wall and struck the opposite wall. His overall path resembled a sideways V. That wall happened to have a window and he crashed into the pillar-like area between windows before finally falling to the hallway floor. Even so, his momentum sent him rolling. His path had changed from a sideways V to something resembling Dengeki Bunko’s lightning mark. His flight had been even more over-the-top than the Kazakiri pinball when she had been punched by Ellis in the underground mall.

As Kamijou continued to roll along the hallway, he spotted Accelerator sitting on the floor after falling backwards.

This was Academy City’s strongest Level 5.

This was the sole candidate for the Level 6 Shift who Kamijou had once fought in a train switchyard.

And he wore a short-sleeved sailor uniform that looked like a school’s summer uniform.

And a miniskirt.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow,” he said while sticking out his tongue.

A notebook and textbook fell out of his dropped bag. The name Suzushina Yuriko was written on them.

(Uuh…)

Kamijou finally stopped rolling.

“I don’t want this! There’s nothing good about this!! To be honest, I’m gonna vomit! This may be a standard and clichéd first step in a romance, but I can’t even imagine how this would progress any further!! And what’s with that obviously fake name!? Where did you get that sailor uniform!? Stop spreading your legs like this is a fan service scene! Don’t mock me!!”

As he shouted, Academy City’s strongest Level 5 remained collapsed in a sitting position.

“Apparently, I’m a character that suddenly appears without warning.”

“I think you’re a personification of the misfortune that always hangs around me.”

“Also, I’m apparently a character that won’t hate you at all no matter what you do to me.”

“Like hell you are!! Do you think you’re a delinquent girl who can’t be honest with her feelings so she always abuses the harmless protagonist yet ultimately knits him a hand-made sweater!?”

Kamijou began tearing at his head because he could no longer comprehend the whole character thing, but then someone else walked toward him.

It was a human wearing a green surgical gown who appeared masculine yet feminine, young yet aged, saintly yet sinful. Overall, he was an ambiguous person. He had a different type of silver hair than Index. His appeared to have lost all its color. That hair that extended down to his waist seemed to make it even harder to determine his age or sex.

His bare feet slapped against the floor as he approached.

“Why are you two not in class?”

“What? Who are you?”

“Well, it appears I am the board chairman character. I have serious doubts as to whether that qualifies as an entire category, but I must play the part as that is the part I was…ghbh!?”

Before the mysterious figure could finish speaking, Kamijou reflexively threw a punch.

“Gh..gbh… Wh-what are you doing?”

“I don’t really know, but I get the feeling it will solve everything on a global scale if I defeat you here.”

“P-please wait. I understand the desire to interfere with a secret character you never see on a daily basis. I do understand, but…bh!? But I must ask why you have so readily knocked me to the ground and climbed on top of…ghghgrbh.”

With the board chairman character defeated, Kamijou Touma wiped sweat from his brow with a gentle look on his face.

“Did that bring peace to the world?”

“What? So is this how you always do things?” asked Accelerator.

Kamijou was called to the faculty room because he had beaten up the board chairman.

As the boy hung his head, a female PE teacher wearing a green tracksuit laughed loudly.

“Ah hah hah hah! I completely understand how you feel, but you went a bit too far. Not letting the other person finish speaking isn’t like you, boy.”

The harmonious mood made it clear that board chairman was not popular with those who worked under him.

(But at any rate…)

Kamijou looked away from the tracksuit woman and turned toward one of the steel desks used by the teachers. A girl with a ponytail and strangely designed jeans sat at it. She was using an origami-sized piece of Japanese paper to slowly polish the blade of a sword.

“What are you doing here, Kanzaki?”

“I-I am not here because I want to be.” Kanzaki paused for a moment. “It seems I am a composed older character who helps you out and provides last-minute explanations. Apparently, that fit being a teacher. I would have felt more at home as a club president character, though”

“A club president? Not even in the senior year of high school are they that composed. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone who would look more out of place in a girl’s uniform… No, wait. I just saw one. …A horrible one.”

“But I am only eighteen years old.”

“Allegedly.”

“No! Please do not ruin everything I just said!”

“No eighteen-year-old is like that! In fact, it kind of scares me! Will I be like that in another two years!? What is going to change inside me during that time!?”

“Perhaps you will finally grow out of weekly shounen manga.”

“Seriously!? I won’t want to know what happens next!?”

As Kamijou shouted in surprise, someone walked past him. He was a tall foreigner wearing a white suit and with his hair dyed green. The cover of the attendance book under his arm said “Homeroom Teacher – Aureolus Izzard”.

“Naturally, I too am eighteen. It appears there is no causal relationship between one’s actual age and one’s knowledge and titles.”

“That… That has to be wrong. I can’t imagine this middle-aged man spending his summer break having fun, forgetting to do his homework, and having Komoe-sensei get mad at him.”

“Obviously, I do not think anyone spends the summer of their senior year of high school doing nothing but have fun. It would seem my position is that of a mysterious character who researches and uses unknown techniques. That falls under the category of a ‘mysterious teacher with a secret past in some hidden world’ better than the category of student.”

“I really don’t think you’re qualified to teach.”

“Truly, I must ask what I lack in that regard.”

“I could see you using magic to force knowledge directly into the brains of students with bad grades! And you’d probably have your entire class form that something-or-other choir with a dead look in their eyes!”

“Is that all? Surprisingly, there is more to teaching than following the textbook. Yes, I may be well suited to teach at a cram school.”

“Someone who defeats the head of cram school and takes over the building is ''not'' suited for that!!”

As Kamijou held his head and let out a cry, he spotted a girl with wavy blonde hair. She wore a red cape and a restraining outfit made out of belts. She also wore fluttering and see-through innerwear-like clothing and had saws and hammers hanging at her waist.

“Hey, winged Russian. What’s your role? Are you the guardian angel of a mission school? You’ve gotta be something beyond a normal human.”

“My first answer: I am an English teacher.”

Misha Kreutzev’s eyes rolled about behind her bangs as she gave that simple answer.

In a way, her appearance would indeed trouble high school boys, but Kamijou was unsure what about her fit being a teacher.

Not to mention…

“English? …Aren’t you Russian?”

“My first question: can a Russian not become an English teacher?”

“What?”

“My first supplementary explanation: Japanese people can become English teachers. Someone from England or America would be praised. So why is it odd for a Russian to be an English teacher? Can I interpret this as racial discrimination?”

“Wait! Eh? This is a misunderstanding! I was just thinking you would teach Russian or college astronomy or something! I didn’t mean anything by it!”

“My second answer: if you are that insistent, I can introduce you to an English teacher who is Japanese. Hino Jinsaku-sensei, you can handle the rest.”

“Eh? Ehh!? Wait! You can’t call him here even as a joke! Uuh!? There’s a letter on this desk that just says ‘I am on my way’!!”

As Kamijou balled up the letter and pretended he had not seen it, a knock came at the faculty room door and it slid open.

“Excuse me.”

Shirai Kuroko entered. She had brown hair in twintails and she was a bit shorter than Misaka Mikoto. She wore the same summer uniform as Mikoto, so descriptions of her appearance tended to lack detail.

Kamijou blinked a bit before speaking.

“I’m not sure how much longer I can keep asking questions with so many people showing up where they don’t belong, but why are you here?”

“I do not know. All I know is that I am an underclassmen character. I was given that part, so I must act accordingly. I can think up a reason later. I am a middle schooler in a high school, so even saying I am taking a school tour could work.”

Shirai’s explanation was extremely businesslike, but she suddenly froze in place.

“?”

Kamijou looked over and saw Kanzaki Kaori and the tracksuit-wearing Yomikawa Aiho chatting.

He turned back toward Shirai and saw that she was trembling.

“(Such a divine onee-sama aura! Basking in their light is the true desire of an underclassman character! …Ahh. No! Y-you mustn’t, Shirai Kuroko. You have only one onee-sama! Oh, but…uuh, ahh! Calm down, Shirai Kuroko! Picture your true onee-sama and calm down!!)”

As Shirai muttered to herself at length, she heard a familiar girl’s voice.

“Oh, there you are, says Misaka as she enters the faculty room.”

Misaka Imouto, who wore Tokiwadai Middle School’s summer uniform and had goggles on her forehead, stomped over toward Kamijou.

“O-o-o-onee-sama?”

Shirai was shocked at the sudden appearance of this goddess.

But then more and more identical girls entered the faculty room behind Misaka Imouto.

“It seems Misaka has finally found the Kamijou boy, says Misaka to make sure.” “Misaka has confirmed it.” “Misaka has confirmed it as well.” “All Misakas, it is time for a roll call, announces Misaka.” “Serial Number 10032.” “Serial Number 10033.” “Serial Number 10034.” “10035 is here too.” “10036 is present.” “10037 is doing fine.”

This many Misakas proved too much happiness for Shirai to handle.

An abnormal smile appeared on the twintailed girl’s face and she slowly collapsed backwards.

“S-so many…onee-samas… Wh-what is with this abnormally high onee-sama density?”

As Kuroko twitched in ecstasy, Kamijou awkwardly looked away.

“Um, I don’t think the ‘onee-sama’ you’re talking about is here.”

He turned back toward the Sisters. The girls with goggles on their foreheads did resemble Mikoto quite a bit, but they were not actually Misaka Mikoto. He did have a feeling he saw one girl without goggles somewhere toward the back, though.

“I’m right over here! Huh? Ah! I can’t break through this wall of Sisters!”

Kamijou thought he heard a voice coming from the crowd, but he saw nothing but the same face when he looked in that direction.

After English class with a Russian wearing restraints and history class with an Italian who used a unique teaching style, lunchtime finally arrived.

Kamijou staggered to the cafeteria, spotted an army of Sisters filling up all of the seats, averted his gaze wearily, and spotted a girl in a maid outfit working busily behind the counter. It was Tsuchimikado Maika.

“I’m not even going to ask why you’re here. Your presence is relatively peaceful.”

“There really isn’t a place for a maid here, so my only chance for an appearance was to make a connection between my apron and the cafeteria.”

“Yeah, you’d never see a maid at school.”

“They’re a common sight at Tokiwadai Middle School.”

“Damn that Biri Biri…”

Hearing about that nouveau riche school life caused a dark flame to burn within petit bourgeois Kamijou Touma.

He received a bowl of salt ramen from Maika and turned toward the cafeteria.

It was lunchtime, so it was naturally crowded. However, the crowd was made up entirely of identical Misaka faces. They were all eating the tonkatsu meal with identical motions, so the sight went beyond surreal and reached bizarre.

He walked through the cafeteria of identical people and sat across from ''Misaka Mikoto''.

Mikoto looked a bit surprised.

“This may be odd coming from me, but how could you tell I was the real one so easily?”

“If you actually look, it isn’t that hard.”

Kamijou’s response was completely casual, but Mikoto blushed a bit. Kamijou split his chopsticks and continued speaking.

“After all, you’re the only one eating something weird.”

“It is not weird! I’m just eating ratatouille! And what was that budding within me just now? Give me back that throbbing of my heart!!”

“I can’t even imagine what language or region ratatouille is from.”

“Hey! Are you so focused on the food that you can’t see me!?”

“They’d never have something that rare in our cafeteria. Is this the Maika effect? Not bad, Maika.”

Kamijou turned toward the counter and saw the maid girl spinning pizza dough on her index finger. Having been driven outside Kamijou’s visual spotlight, Mikoto covered her face with her hands and began to sob.

“U-uuh… What kind of character do you think I am?”

“What? Do I really have to classify you like that? Well, maybe you’re one of those characters with bangs too long to see the eyes.”

“I’m a faceless background character!? Damn. And the Sisters have the relatively important position of a little sister character.”

As Mikoto complained about her position in life, someone spoke up from the side.

“That’s right, that’s right. Misaka is a little sister character too, says Misaka as Misaka waves her arms around and takes advantage of the situation.”

“?”

Kamijou and Mikoto turned toward the voice.

They saw a girl with almost the exact same face as Mikoto or Misaka Imouto, but she appeared to be about ten, she was about a head shorter than Mikoto, and she was naked except for a single light blue blanket.

“Even among all the little sister characters, Misaka has the distinction of being the ultimate loli character, says Misaka as Misaka makes her announcement. Misaka looks ten and is actually zero years old. If you’re into this kind of inexcusable body, then look all you want, says Misaka as Misaka proudly puffs her chest out.”

“I see…”

Kamijou and Mikoto exchanged a glance.

“Who are you?” they asked in unison.

The little girl’s shoulder’s jumped in surprise.

“W-w-wahhhhh! Come to think of it, this is the first time you have seen Misaka, says Misaka as Misaka gives her final comment before running away.”

Kamijou watched as the mysterious blanket girl covered her face with her hands and ran off, but he finally turned back toward Mikoto as if nothing had happened.

“The Sisters are little sister characters due to that name, so maybe you should’ve had the character for little sister in your name.”

“Then I would have to bear that cross even after I turned forty or fifty.” Mikoto sighed. “Everyone’s been going on about characters today. What has happened to Academy City? Even Tokiwadai is filled with a strange atmosphere. Roses are blooming all over the place for no reason and there are tea parties, ringlet curls, and ‘oh ho ho’ laughter everywhere.”

“Isn’t Tokiwadai always like that?”

“What kind of place do you think my school is?” Mikoto sank wearily down. “Ahh, it’s due to some ‘rules’ that Academy City is messed up, right? Kuroko embraced me first thing in the morning. She claimed she had no choice, but I still knocked her away with my pillow. What kind of rule makes someone suddenly hug you with a giant smile on their face?”

Kamijou tilted his head.

He had a feeling Himegami had said something about that in the morning, but he did not remember the details because he had not taken notes.

He tried to remember what she had said about the rules.

“I think it was something about a letter in my shoe locker after school. And the instant I read it, this strange everyday life will end. Himegami said I would live a life free of any troubles if I didn’t get a single letter.”

“From what I heard, a rule says all but the most suitable letter will vanish if multiple are placed inside. In other words, you can’t complete multiple routes at once. Also, letters from guys don’t count.”

Mikoto’s explanation used some technical words, so it was difficult to understand.

(I think Himegami said something about entering the route of the person who sends me the letter and being stuck there until the ending.)

“But I don’t really see a causal relationship between that letter and the characters.”

“Hm. I don’t think the letter is what is producing the characters. In fact, any kind of ending should work.”

“?”

“''What matters is that you bring it to an end.'' The center of the change is not the letter. It’s us, the humans. Some kind of rule or trick is amplifying the characterization that creates clichéd thoughts, actions, and situations. The group that has been twisted wants a clichéd ending from a clichéd person. That will return us to our normal lives. So the actual method of ending it does not matter. Instead of the letter, you could have someone secretly confess their love to you behind the school building, you could defeat a giant monster, or you could have a sunset fistfight on an embankment. You just need something that marks a clear ending. But given the people here, the letter would probably cause the least damage to the surroundings.”

(Not good.)

Miss Misaka Mikoto was beginning to break after getting too heated up.

“At any rate, this is annoying, so could you hurry up and end it?”

“Ah, Kamijou-san can feel tears welling up after finally meeting someone who sees this the same way.”

“Has this been that bad? By the way, I’m stuck being a high class girl character, but that isn’t happening. Sometimes I have no idea how to even put on those frilly dresses. And while I can play piano or do ballroom dancing, I’m not proud of the fact and I don’t look down on people who can’t. I want to read manga just like everyone else and canned tea is just fine.”

“Y-you’re normal. The normal world has finally returned to me!”

Kamijou trembled with joy.

“What are you so overjoyed about?” Mikoto sighed. “All of that is just an inaccurate stereotype. You can just have a specialized staff member put the dress on you and you can have a maid bring you the tea. You may wear pretty things and eat delicious things, but you never need to use your own hands. There are people to choose for you and bring it to you. Why even pay people who force you to exhaust your brain by having you think about it?”

“…That settles it. You’re definitely a sheltered rich girl!!”

Kamijou Touma felt the same as a traveler who thought he had finally found someone who spoke his language but was actually a con artist who targeted tourists.

“Eh!? Why? You’d be worried if a taxi driver hesitantly asked you which was the gas and which was the brake, right?”

“Middle schoolers don’t use taxis that often! I’m starting to think you’ll say ‘let them eat cake’!”

“???”

Mikoto stared at Kamijou in confusion.

“Anyway, we’ve been talking about characters, but what kind of character are you?”

“What?” Kamijou thought about it for a bit. “Hm. A misfortune character, I guess?”

“Misfortune?” One of Mikoto’s eyebrows shot up. “Misfortune!?”

“Ee!?”

Her sudden shout almost made Kamijou jump back, but she quickly began to point around her at the many Sisters eating their tonkatsu meals.

“I don’t see any misfortune around here!! You oblivious lucky bastard! You know just under 10,000 girls (i-in an incredibly favorable way), so don’t give me this misfortune crap! Honestly, honestly, honestly, honestly! You raise flags and then just leave them! If you raise the flag, do something about it!!”

“That’s right, stupid Touma!”

Index entered the cafeteria as if responding to Mikoto’s shout.

“You’re always like that, Touma! You get to know everyone around you yet don’t advance any further. But you don’t give up on those girls either! You just hold on to them! And what’s this about 10,000!? That’s the same as a small city-state’s population!!”

Hearing the commotion, Komoe-sensei and Himegami Aisa arrived.

“Ten thousand? Heh. You mustn’t underestimate the legend of Kamijou-chan, sister-chan. How many stories do you think he had created before he met you? Heh heh heh. Eh heh heh heh.”

“He will destroy the illusions of that girl’s virginity with the fingers of his right hand.”

The black-haired girl’s deadpan comment caught the ear of Yomikawa and Kanzaki as they passed by.

“Oh, are you saying I’m destined to eventually gain a taste for younger guys?”

“At the very least, he was not able to win over the archangel of the back.”

The sword-wielding girl’s words produced a response from Misha who was no longer even trying to hide the wings growing from her back.

“My first answer: I technically have no ego, so that would be impossible. However, it is possible that an abnormal situation like before could cause an error in the standard values for my actions and create something similar to an ego. His right hand possesses enough destructive power for that, so I cannot let my guard down.”

Glasses-wearing Kazakiri Hyouka timidly spoke up.

“And he has no problem with someone who isn’t human…”

All of the Sisters looked up from their tonkatsu meals.

“He also does not seem to mind if you are artificial, adds Misaka.”

Shirai Kuroko stomped into the cafeteria with her hands on her hips.

“That’s right. That’s right. Onee-sama, you have gotten too close to this gentleman. You need to put some distance between you. And perhaps you can come closer to me? …Bgah!? Th-the cafeteria is filled with onee-samas…”

As Shirai Kuroko collapsed to the ground while bleeding from the nose, she almost crushed a girl covering herself with a light blue blanket.

“Y-you are too heavy, says Misaka as Misaka sends out a warning message. Misaka wants to make a comment too and Misaka wants an equal chance to give her opinion, so why will no one listen to her? wails Misaka as Misaka struggles underneath this girl who is covered in blood.”

The blanket girl said something, but everyone exchanged a glance and gave heartless comments of “Who’s that?”, “Who is that, Touma?”, and “This is technically the first time Misaka has seen her, answers Misaka as she places her tonkatsu on top of rice.” Meanwhile, Shirai Kuroko twitched happily on the floor while saying, “O-onee-sama has shrunk down.”

After all of the gathered girls exchanged a glance, they finally all focused on a single point.

“So what kind of character are you, Touma?” “I think all these flags should make that obvious.” “You may think all of the Misakas count as a single flag, but that will not cut it, comments Misaka with 10,000 voices.” “Misaka is one of those, but no one will pay any attention to her, says Misaka as Misaka is driven to the edge of despair.” “Heh. Eh heh heh. I, Kuroko, will give you so much attention you will lose track of time.” “Y’know, if you put some work into it, my route might be a possibility.” “Come to think of it, maid-chan, your flag isn’t waving much despite how often you’re with Kamijou-chan.” “Oh, are you saying your flag is waving, Tsukuyomi-sensei?” “Um, we can…start as friends…” “My first question: before we discuss whether this is a malfunction due to Angel Fall, may I punish you in the name of Gabriel for the sin of lust?” “I agree with you there, but his idiocy is too much to fix by hitting him. In fact, hitting him can make him even stronger and more determined.” “Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Your mother is here to make a quick appearance in the chaos.” “Then I’m gonna slip in to tease nii-chan. It’s me, Otohime. Let’s go play!” “…I wasn’t able to say anything.”

The deluge of voices from all directions approached the limits of Kamijou’s mental processing power.

His eyes started spinning around in his head.

“W-w-wahh!? I give, I give! Not even Prince Shoutoku could follow this many simultaneous conversations! In the end, what is it you all want to say!?”

Everyone there stared at Kamijou.

The focus sent a chill down that high school boy’s spine.

The nun and the girl with around 10,000 clones spoke in unison to represent the group.

“Are you sure you’re not the character that never chooses and loses everything?”

The school day finally came to an end.

Kamijou Touma had made it through art class with Sherry-sensei who was focused on making avant-garde art from a collection of trash, he had seen Tsuchimikado who was holding his head in his hands after working hard behind the scenes but achieving nothing, and he had met the frog-faced school doctor who had asked, “Disappointed I’m not a beautiful woman?” After cleaning up the home economics room and arriving in the empty school entranceway, he hesitantly opened his shoe locker and peeked inside.

It was there.

He saw an envelope.

Rather than a vertically-oriented manila envelope, it was a horizontally-oriented white envelope from a Western letter set. It was sealed with a red sticker and that was the only color on it.

According to the rules, this letter would bring an end to the school life he had lived today.

They also said this was a special day that would greatly influence his life, ''so the sender of this letter was heavily related to the rest of his life.

It was something like an absolute love letter that could not be rejected or questioned.

“Who is it from?”

Kamijou glanced around before picking up the envelope. It was so smooth that he questioned whether it was really paper. He did not know any of the brand names in the letter set industry, but he could guess this was high quality. He did not know if the paper had smelled that way to begin with or if someone had sprayed perfume on it for effect, but it had a faint sweet aroma to it. Everything about it seemed high quality.

The sender’s name was not given on the front or back.

“…”

Deciding to open it, he brought his fingers to the red sticker, but then he hesitated. It felt the same as touching an item in a glass case at a museum. He brought his index finger up and down across the red sticker a few different times to gradually peel it up with his fingernail.

The sticker made no noise as it was peeled off.

Such a sound would have been too unrefined for it.

It may have used a special adhesive like a sticky note. The sticker made no noise and it left no trace behind. It carefully peeled away like a silk garment slipping from a girl’s shoulder.

As Kamijou stuck his hand in the envelope, he realized his fingertips were trembling. He could not grab the paper before his eyes. After two or three failures, he finally pulled out the letter.

It was only one page.

The light pastel paper was folded into three. Unfolding it made Kamijou nervous.

It said the following:

“Dear Kamijou Touma-sama.”

“Sama!?”

He jumped in meaningless surprise and continued to read through the letter. As he did, he pictured the faces and names of those who might have sent it.

“Please forgive the suddenness of this missive. I could not restrain myself any longer and simply had to express my feelings to you.”

(Index?)

“I am fully aware of the special rules covering Academy City. My intentions fall in line with those very rules.”

(Himegami Aisa, Misaka Mikoto, Misaka Imouto, Kanzaki Kaori, Misha, Accelerat-…no, wait. Delete that last one. Shirai Kuroko, Tsuchimikado Maika, Kazakiri Hyouka, Tsukuyomi Komoe, Yomikawa Aiho, that strange blanket girl.)

“According to the aforementioned rules, all but the true letter will vanish if you receive more than one. I hope that my letter will not vanish and I am praying that my hope will reach you.”

(Who is it? The writing is very polite. The high quality envelope bothers me too. But she might speak and write differently and the envelope might have been a one-time splurge. …Still, the fact that she used a letter instead of email might be a hint.)

“I love you.”

(Who? Who!? Who!!?)

“I merely wish you will receive my words with happiness. Love, ●●●●●●●.”

“Huh?”

The end of the letter made Kamijou tilt his head.

What had likely been the sender’s name had been blotted out with a pen.

The identity of the sender remained a mystery.

(No. Not after coming this far. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Kamijou-san will not let you leave something so major unresolved! Damn, isn’t there any way of reading the name!? And what good is it to get embarrassed here!? Is this some new technique for teasing a guy!?)

Kamijou tried flipping the letter over, tracing his finger across it, and some other things. Once he held it up to the fluorescent light above, he could just barely make out the writing. The name had been written while pressing down hard and then it had been more lightly crossed out, so the writing left an indentation in the paper.

He read the first small, cutesy letter hidden below the ink.

“I”

“I!?”

He only knew one person who’s name began with I.

Without realizing it, Kamijou brought his face closer and closer to the letter.

“Innocentius.”

In an instant, Kamijou Touma threw the letter and envelope to the ground.

Blood vessels bulged out all across his face like a cantaloupe.

A dangerous light entered his eyes.

“That goddamn prieeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssttttttttttttttttttt!! Why didn’t you catch on from the moment the envelope ''smelled of perfume'', Kamijou Touma!?”

A waterfall of bitter tears flowed from the pure boy’s eyes and his scream resounded throughout the evening school building.

He then heard the sound of a burning flame giant behind him.

The rules had said a letter from a guy would not count.

But that did not help with a mass of flames that had no gender and was not even alive. The rules came to an end without actually deciding whether that counted or not.

“You understand, don’t you?”

As he listened to the bloodcurdling scream, the Anglican priest leaning against the school building’s wall lightly shut one eye.

“I’m not mature enough to sit idly by when I see something like this.”

He held ''multiple envelopes''.

He had not checked inside them, but they likely held people’s true desires without a single joke.

Stiyl began walking toward Kamijou Touma’s classroom while the envelopes were on the verge of vanishing due to the rules. According to the rules, the letters ''would not vanish'' if they were put somewhere other than Kamijou’s shoe locker. If Stiyl stuck them in the boy’s desk, Kamijou would eventually notice them.

The young priest took on what was clearly the losing role.

He did not realize it himself, but he almost seemed to be enjoying himself.

<noinclude>
{{Toaru_Nav|next=Toaru_Majutsu_no_Index:White_Day_and_Graduation_SS|prev=Toaru_Majutsu_no_Index:A_Certain_Prophecy_Index}}
</noinclude>

Toaru Majutsu no Index:A Certain Prophecy Index

2014-01-31T21:46:25Z

24.98.20.208:

==Illustrations==
<gallery>
Image:Index_Prophecy_1.jpg
Image:Index_Prophecy_2.jpg
Image:Index_Prophecy_3.jpg
</gallery>

==Story==
Note: This is a non-canon parody SS written by Kamachi Kazuma as a preview for Volume 6 of the series.

August 30, in a certain student dorm room.

When the completely normal high school student Kamijou Touma returned to his neither large nor small room, he heard a violent pattering of feet from within. A silver-haired nun wearing a splendid habit of white cloth and gold embroidery ran toward him.

The girl of about 14 or 15 who still had some youthfulness left in her face was named Index.

It was obviously a fake name, but no one bothered to point that out.

Incidentally, she was also a ridiculous girl who was charged with storing 103,000 grimoires.

But in exchange, Index had no basic or scientific knowledge to the point of not even knowing how to use a microwave oven.

The girl said, “Touma, Touma, Touma! A book of prophecy called Malachy’s Prophecies arrived by something called ‘express delivery’! I used your seal for it!”

“…Um, could you not accept such obviously suspicious items?”

“Something called a ‘door-to-door salesman’ and ‘mail-order video salesman’ came by, so I used your seal there too!”

“Don’t use my seal for anyone that comes to the door!!”

Kamijou moved from the entrance to his room and saw a new massage chair he did not recognize sitting in one corner.

The boy held his head in his hands while Index grabbed a paper box about big enough to hold a cake from the glass table.

It was an odd-looking box.

It was a basic white square box, but the corners were crushed, it was yellowed with age, and it had marks like some kind of charm or talisman had been ripped off of it.

In the “contents” box on the shipping label attached to it, the words “Malachy’s Prophecies” were written in solemn handwriting using jet black ink. However, it was so fancily written that Kamijou had trouble reading it.

The writing in the “sender” box on the label looked more like some strange hieroglyphs than kanji, so it was impossible to tell whose name it was.

[[Image:Index_Prophecy_1.jpg|thumb]]

Kamijou’s head sank deeper into his hands as he wondered who could have sent it.

He was basically a man of misfortune, so he had this look on his face for about a third of every day.

Index announced she was going to open it and ripped open the box without even waiting for a response from Kamijou. Mixed in with the balled up paper meant to absorb any shocks was an old leather-covered book.

While deciding he had gotten wrapped up in some sort of misfortune once more, Kamijou asked, “So what is this Malachy’s Prophecies, Index? I’m getting a suspicious occult feeling from it.”

“It’s one of the officially recognized books of prophecy in the Christian church. The original was written by the Archbishop of Armagh in the year 1139. But this paper looks too new, so it’s probably a simple book of prophecy created by some other magician using the same system as Malachy’s Prophecies.”

“??? A book of prophecy, hm? Who sent this here? …Oh. Come to think of it, I may have heard about 103,000 grimoires during this summer break, but I think this is the first time I’ve seen a real one.”

“No, Touma. A book of prophecy isn’t a grimoire. It’s a magic tool like the crystal balls or tarot cards that have been used for ages. Don’t be tricked just because it takes the form of a book.”

“…When is this series going to have a real grimoire?”

Kamijou looked like he was about to break.

He was thirsty after coming in from the hot sun outside, so he pulled out a juice box from the fridge (a package with one each of grape, apple, mango, and melon was only 150 yen), stabbed the straw into it, and began sucking in the juice.

Index began staring at his face greedily, so he pulled another juice box from the fridge and handed it to her.

It seemed Index liked every flavor of juice, so she began drinking it with a look of joy on her face.

“But a book of prophecy? I thought the Nostradamus boom ended last century?”

“His ‘Les Centuries’ has prophecies that go beyond the year 3000,” said Index while stroking a finger across the cover of Malachy’s Prophecies.

Kamijou looked at the mysterious book of prophecy (of unknown authenticity) with suspicion.

“But can prophecies even be accurate?”

“Theoretically, it is possible. Knowing the future is really easy. This book of prophecy has a certain spell worked into it. It has been commanded to record information on its surroundings and then send that information back in time by 10 years. After that, you just have to keep the book around for over 10 years while making sure it isn’t destroyed. If you do that, you have a book of prophecy that sends information to the ‘present’ from a point 10 years in the future.”

“Hmm,” said Kamijou.

He thought vaguely about how the book must be sending information on the present to the past while the book in the future was sending information to the present like a chain reaction of billiards balls hitting each other.

He kept it a secret that he was already a bit sick of thinking about this slightly difficult concept.

“But how does it send information 10 years into the past?”

“Well… For example, imagine your food supplies were going to be empty one month into the future. Even in the present before it happens, you could see how fast everyone is eating and predict that the food supplies would be empty in about a month at the current pace, right? It’s the same as that. The words on the pages of Malachy’s Prophecies automatically change in the future. They change to display simple omens that could be easily predicted even from observations in the present. It detects those omens and automatically writes them out,” explained Index.

With a blank look on his face, Kamijou said, “Kamijou did not understand the reasoning behind that at all, but he has decided to assume books of prophecy are normal in the world of magic.”

“Gwah!? Touma, you completely gave up on trying to understand and gave a mechanical response!?” shouted Index, but Kamijou ignored her and began bringing in the laundry hanging out to dry on the balcony.

With slightly teary eyes, Index opened Malachy’s Prophecies.

“H-hmm. Even you will be shocked when you see what Malachy’s Prophecies can do, Touma. I’ll have it predict what will happen during your school’s opening ceremony on September 1.”

“The opening ceremony, hm? Oh, I guess summer break really is about to end,” replied Kamijou casually as he peered at one page of Malachy’s Prophecies.

'''The 10th day of the 7th month of the 2005th year. A Certain Magical Sixth Version. The day of Academy City’s opening ceremony.

“…Huh?” said Kamijou with a puzzled look. “Did that say the 2005th year? And at the very least, I don’t think the opening ceremony is on July 10.”

“Touma, you can’t take the things written in a book of prophecy at face value. Humanity wasn’t destroyed in 1999 due to Nostradamus’s prophecies, remember? This sort of book of prophecy always states things in annoyingly roundabout ways.”

“Hmm. Oh, I’ve seen that kind of thing in movies. Like how ‘a giant eye watching people from the heavens’ refers to a satellite?”

“Yeah. So don’t be surprised that it gives the release date.”

“Release date? What…?”

This just made him more confused, but he had lost his timing to speak since Index was now looking at the page with a serious expression.

He followed suit and read the words written there.

'''When a new season begins. Kamijou Touma is attacked by an enemy. He will crawl around on the ground and be unable to move.

“…………………………………………………………………………”

Kamijou was overcome with an intense feeling of upcoming misfortune, so he fell silent while looking like he was about to cry.

For one thing, what was this about an enemy attacking?

Wasn’t this supposed to be about the opening ceremony?

Was he going to end up involved in some strange incident again?

He tried to ask Index about those things, but she was too focused on the book to respond.

“Oh, it’s writing something else.”

Index traced the line of text with the tip of her slender white index finger.

'''On the same day, Kamijou Touma will witness two people naked.

“…………………………………………………………………………”

Index fell silent this time and she began trembling.

Kamijou distinctly felt an aura of anger coming from the girl next to him.

“U-um, wait, Index-san! This is just a hypothetical situation that hasn’t been decided yet! In fact, this is probably a story where a boy and girl work together to overcome some frightening destiny! That has to be it!!”

While panicking (although he could not deny there was a bit of anticipation welling up within him), he looked back at the inconvenient book of prophecies.

'''But no one ever said it would be girls he sees naked.

“Hey! Why the hell would you say it like that!? It’s like you’re trying to get me excited and then drop me into an abyss!”

'''I never said for sure it would be guys either.

“You liar! I can already see how this will end! It’ll probably be Aogami Pierce and Tsuchimikado I see naked! That already happened once with the swimsuit!”

'''I did not say it would either be both guys or both girls. It could be a guy-girl pair you see naked.

“It ‘could’? …But you know the answer!!”

'''By the way, there is a scene of Kamijou Touma becoming intertwined with a girl wearing a nun’s habit.

“Eh!?” cried out Kamijou in shock as he gave those words in the book of prophecy a second look.

As his heart jumped up in his chest, Index’s face grew bright red and she stopped breathing.

'''Also, a girl shows Kamijou Touma a precious place inside her body. But it is not quite how he had imagined it, so that pure boy’s heart receives quite a shock.

Index collapsed backwards. Her face had grown so red it looked like steam was about to come from it.

“What the hell kind of erotic book of prophecy is this!? Just to double-check: this is talking about the opening ceremony, right? What kind of opening ceremony has this kind of crazy stuff happening at it!?”

“I-I wonder what it says about other dates. I hope it isn’t all like this.”

Index unsteadily sat back up and hesitantly turned the pages.

“Hm, this is talking about Volume 1.”

“Um, Volume 1?”

“Malachy’s Prophecies divides dates up by volumes and chapters! See?”

'''The 10th day of the 4th month of the 2004th year. A Certain Magical First Version. When white, glowing feathers float down. If you wake up early, you can find a girl hanging on your balcony. This naturally stubborn mystery girl is hungry, so she will easily surrender if she is given food.

“…Um, I don’t really get it, but is this really something you can rush through so lightly?”

“Oh, there’s more.”

'''On the same day, an impertinent middle school girl named Misaka Mikoto appears, but she disappears from the story shortly thereafter. And she does not appear in the next volume. She is replaced by a strange shrine maiden in Volume 2.

“Wait a second! Why is it treating me like this!?” shouted a brown-haired girl who suddenly appeared.

She wore a white, short-sleeved blouse, a beige summer sweater, and a gray pleated skirt. Her name was Misaka Mikoto.

She was also known as the Railgun and was a powerful Electromaster who could freely control electric currents as high as one billion volts.

Kamijou jumped in surprise at that sudden appearance that had no advanced notice.

“Wh-where did you come from!?”

“I’ve been standing right in front of the two of you this whole time! It just looked like I wasn’t here because the text never bothered to mention me even once! I’ve been yelling at you but none of my lines appeared in the text!! What, do you have my voice on a blacklist in your minds or something!?”

Mikoto swung her arms around in anger and sent sparks flying from her bangs like static electricity, but Kamijou and Index looked at each other like nothing had happened.

“So is everything written in this Malachy’s Prophecies guaranteed to come true?”

“Hmm, I think it only gives an expected future for the time being. And even if the future is set in stone, you still might be able to alter it given your exceptional right hand, Touma. For example, I have a feeling all your misfortune is something that should never have happened in the proper history.”

“Eh? Wait a second! Hey, are you even listening? Heeeey! Eh? What? Have I been set as a character to be ignored by default for no adequately explained reason!?”

As Kamijou arbitrarily tried to quiet down the middle school girl shouting in his ear, Index flipped through the pages of Malachy’s Prophecies.

“Is this the content of Volume 2?”

'''The 10th day of the 6th month of the 2004th year. A Certain Magical Second Version. When a fortress of glass dyes red the blue of the summer sky. A shrine maiden with long black hair appears, but she does not do a single thing one would expect of a shrine maiden. Incidentally, Mikoto’s little sister that appears in the next volume does not do or say anything one would expect of a little sister either.

“Stop simply calling me a shrine maiden. That makes it sound like there would be nothing left to me if I took off this shrine maiden outfit.”

“Wah!?”

Kamijou jumped back in fright when he heard that quiet female voice suddenly coming from under the bed. He timidly peered underneath and found Himegami Aisa, the girl who had been described as a shrine maiden with long black hair, crammed into the small space below the bed.

[[Image:Index_Prophecy_2.jpg|thumb]]

He was not quite sure how to describe it, but the shrine maiden looked quite dusty due to hiding down there the whole time.

And then the door to the bathroom opened.

“Misaka borrowed your bath, reports Misaka to the owner of this room while completely naked except for this baggy T-shirt.”

When Misaka Mikoto saw the girl who – true to her word – was wearing one of Kamijou’s T-shirts over an otherwise nude body, her expression changed to match Kamijou’s.

A closer look showed that this new girl was Misaka Imouto who was identical to Mikoto down to the genetic level.

“Misaka arrived slightly before you returned, but the high temperature had caused a high level of perspiration. That substitute owner of the room wearing a white nun’s habit suggested Misaka take a bath, so she took her up on the offer, says Misaka in a long explanation. …? Why have you fallen silent? asks Misaka while tilting her head. Misaka cannot imagine why you would be blushing and averting your gaze, says Misaka as she stares you directly in the face and asks you a question.”

“Um…” replied Kamijou while frozen in place.

Misaka Imouto’s thighs were bared below the baggy T-shirt up to a place very, very close to their base. And she had just taken a bath, so her skin was slightly flushed and she smelled of soap.

Meanwhile, Himegami grinned slightly underneath the bed and said something along the lines of, “My appearance ends here. Heh heh heh. This is always how it turns out for me.”

Incidentally, if Kamijou had been under the bed in Himegami’s place, the angle might have ensured he died of shock the instant he saw Misaka Imouto.

“Well…This certainly is a lot of people all of a sudden,” said Kamijou as he glanced around the small room.

Index sighed and said, “Honestly, what are you saying, Touma? The guy-girl ratio is always like this around you. Oh, here’s Volume 3.”

As she spoke, she continued to flip through the pages of Malachy’s Prophecies.

'''The 10th day of the 9th month of the 2004th year. A Certain Magical Third Version. When a wind with a purpose blew through the city at night. The number of girls appearing may be quite high. By the way, Misaka’s little sister shows off her panties, but the big sister does not. What a disappointment.

“Wh-who wrote this!? And not showing them off is normal!!”

As Mikoto shouted out common sense, the little sister in the anything-but-common outfit of naked with a T-shirt simply stared blankly.

Index turned to the next page.

'''The 10th day of the 12th month of the 2004th year. A Certain Magical Fourth Version. When a curtain of dark night falls over the summer sea. The characters show off more skin than usual. This of course means girls in swimsuits, but the female swordsman’s outfit was revealing to begin with and the red nun’s outfit is enough to make one think she is an exhibitionist. But if you let your guard down, you will receive a great visual shock from a swimsuit. By the way, the female swordsman also appears in such a state of undress to make one think obsessing over small things like swimsuits and panties is ridiculous.

When they read that last line, Index and Mikoto said “Wow…” in unison.

Kamijou arbitrarily folded his hands and began thanking god that the person in question was not there. When Index, a legitimate nun, saw that, she began lecturing him on how to properly cross himself.

As Index entered her occult explanation mode, Misaka Imouto began expressionlessly flipping through the pages of Malachy’s Prophecies.

'''The 10th day of the 4th month of the 2005th year. A Certain Magical Fifth Version. When the peace and rest of the summer season meet their demise. Misaka’s little sister’s little sister appears. The little sister of the little sister does not wear panties, yet the big sister does not show off her panties. There may be some rule saying their guard grows more lax as their age goes down.

“Is everything about me related to panties!?” shouted Mikoto in indignation and Kamijou tried his best to pacify her.

When Index flipped through the pages some more, the first five volumes came to their end and they returned to the prophecies related to the 6th volume once more. That was where it read “The 10th day of the 7th month of the 2005th year. A Certain Magical Sixth Version. The day of Academy City’s opening ceremony.”

Kamijou looked through what it said once more.

“Ahh, what kind of opening ceremony is this? I get attacked by enemy and can’t stand, a pair of naked people appears before me, and I become intertwined with Index? …What is this!? What is with these rare events that have never happened before!?”

[[Image:Index_Prophecy_3.jpg|thumb]]

As Kamijou tried to sort through the information, he felt like his head was going to burst.

“Gyahh!” he shouted out, but then Index said “ah” like she had just realized something.

“T-Touma. Here! Look here!!”

“Wh-what? Don’t tell me there’s yet another prophecy filled with even more misfortune!”

When Kamijou cautiously looked where Index was pointing, his shoulders jumped like he had been shocked by electricity.

Right under Malachy’s Prophecies front cover were the following words:

'''This preview is a work of fiction. It may have nothing to do with the characters, groups, and incidents in the real A Certain Magical Index series which will have a new volume on bookstore shelves on July 10.

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