Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume2 Chapter2 - Revision history

Detalz at 07:38, 27 November 2013

2013-11-27T07:38:44Z

Cthaeh at 04:01, 26 November 2013

2013-11-26T04:01:30Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:01, 26 November 2013
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	*In the first part, "led such great efforts" sounded strange to me. I felt it should be something like "accomplished so much" or "led so effectively".		*In the first part, "led such great efforts" sounded strange to me. I felt it should be something like "accomplished so much" or "led so effectively".
	:*What do you think of "His Highness accomplished his first campaign in stride"?		:*What do you think of "His Highness accomplished his first campaign in stride"?
			::*It seems good. For seem reason, I probably wouldn't pair accomplish and campaign, I feel like you can participate in a campaign, but not accomplish them. But I'm never really sure when things are just my own personal word sense.
	*Also in the second sentence, I thought "when" would fit better than "once".		*Also in the second sentence, I thought "when" would fit better than "once".
	:*CaM		:*CaM
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	*In the first sentence, I thought the "You could say" could be removed and just start with "Even the...". Also, "the elders" makes it sound like it's referring to some special position; I don't know of if there are any "elders" in the story, there could be. If it's not a special position, then "adults" would be a more general term.		*In the first sentence, I thought the "You could say" could be removed and just start with "Even the...". Also, "the elders" makes it sound like it's referring to some special position; I don't know of if there are any "elders" in the story, there could be. If it's not a special position, then "adults" would be a more general term.
	:*Elder is a general term, though different from what was used in Part 1 so it is in needed of review. The raws use 年長者, which refers to an "experienced" person (age/profession), and though adult isn't wrong, it might not be the best term. Any luck thinking of another term or does you verdict still lie with 'adult'?		:*Elder is a general term, though different from what was used in Part 1 so it is in needed of review. The raws use 年長者, which refers to an "experienced" person (age/profession), and though adult isn't wrong, it might not be the best term. Any luck thinking of another term or does you verdict still lie with 'adult'?
			::*"those with experience"? I probably like that better than adult (I didn't like adult much).
	*In the second sentence, the "this" isn't referring to anything specifically, which is a little strange. I interpreted it as something like "At least some level of competence is expected of the prince". My interpretation of the sentence also changed "is to be expected" to "is expected", but those have to different meanings.		*In the second sentence, the "this" isn't referring to anything specifically, which is a little strange. I interpreted it as something like "At least some level of competence is expected of the prince". My interpretation of the sentence also changed "is to be expected" to "is expected", but those have to different meanings.
	:*This is very broad here, and refers to "acting so bashfully that even the elders would feel they would lose face" is just what I'd expect from the 'prince'(sarcastic emphasis)		:*This is very broad here, and refers to "acting so bashfully that even the elders would feel they would lose face" is just what I'd expect from the 'prince'(sarcastic emphasis)
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	*I think "stagnant" has a somewhat negative connotation. From context I would have guessed calm, peaceful, tranquil, or stable might be a better fit.		*I think "stagnant" has a somewhat negative connotation. From context I would have guessed calm, peaceful, tranquil, or stable might be a better fit.
	:*Context is meant to be negative. That the 'stagnant' state of affairs might threaten political affairs and result in an increased likelihood for war. Can't imagine using the other adjectives.		:*Context is meant to be negative. That the 'stagnant' state of affairs might threaten political affairs and result in an increased likelihood for war. Can't imagine using the other adjectives.
			::*The "you can be rest assured" implied the context was positive to me, which is why I made those suggestions. Having it clarified for me, I now interpret that pairing of a positive phrase with a negative adjective as sarcasm/cynicism.

	“No matter where she is, she never was a person to sit down quietly and do nothing from the start.”		“No matter where she is, she never was a person to sit down quietly and do nothing from the start.”
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	*From context I thought it should end with "even if only once".		*From context I thought it should end with "even if only once".
	:*'if not even once' = i want to do it preferably more than once. 'even if only once' = satisfied with doing it once.		:*'if not even once' = i want to do it preferably more than once. 'even if only once' = satisfied with doing it once.
			::*I intepret 'even if only once' = would prefer more than once, but desperate enough to work towards even it if only once. "if not even once" only got 26 google hits (compared to 2x10^8), so while I could be wrong that my suggestion has the correct meaning, I do think the original should be reworded. But if I'm wrong / peculiar in my interpretation of my first suggestion, I won't be much help in finding another.

	Their rally from the start was entirely settled, and it soon became obvious the other sword dances were inferior to theirs.		Their rally from the start was entirely settled, and it soon became obvious the other sword dances were inferior to theirs.
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	*The first segment sounded strange to me. Some possible alternatives for the meaning I interpreted: "Being well on in years"; or something like "Having accumulated wisdom over his years ".		*The first segment sounded strange to me. Some possible alternatives for the meaning I interpreted: "Being well on in years"; or something like "Having accumulated wisdom over his years ".
	:*I'm guessing 'accumulated in years' still sounds weird? I (personally) find the first suggestion weird, and the second too liberal. Rather than wisdom, I think they meant experience, which is redundant when mentioned with years, isn't it?		:*I'm guessing 'accumulated in years' still sounds weird? I (personally) find the first suggestion weird, and the second too liberal. Rather than wisdom, I think they meant experience, which is redundant when mentioned with years, isn't it?
			::*It does to me, but if it sounds fine to you as is then just skip this one.

	Orba offered War a cup of wine. War respectfully picked it up, and as he waited for War to drain the contents,		Orba offered War a cup of wine. War respectfully picked it up, and as he waited for War to drain the contents,
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	::- Bane has long served the general as one of his subordinates, but somehow grew dissatisfied with his treatment and voiced his complaints in a cheap tavern I often go to.		::- Bane has long served the general as one of his subordinates, but somehow grew dissatisfied with his treatment and voiced his complaints in a cheap tavern I often go to.
	::*Err you understood it wrong. Bane and the subordinate are two separate people. Would changing 'and' to 'but' resolve the ambiguity?		::*Err you understood it wrong. Bane and the subordinate are two separate people. Would changing 'and' to 'but' resolve the ambiguity?
			:::*OK, that was how I read it first, but then when "Bane" kept popping up after, I assumed I was wrong. The other thing was "'''this''' treatment" made me think it was referring to the previous sentence about Bane, so maybe changing 'this' to 'his'? I think 'but' would help. Along with that, "one of his" to "one of Bane's" would strip pretty much all ambiguity if you were willing to change that much. Also comma placement and structure for the second half, I'm suggesting one of the following
			:::-but one of his/Bane's subordinates somehow grew dissatisfied his treatment and voiced his...
			:::-but one of his/Bane's subordinates, somehow dissatisfied with his treatment, voiced his...

	I may not look it, but I make a good listener and, without a single look of displeasure or reluctance, listened to his complaints and left a rather favourable impression.		I may not look it, but I make a good listener and, without a single look of displeasure or reluctance, listened to his complaints and left a rather favourable impression.

Detalz at 02:27, 26 November 2013

2013-11-26T02:27:10Z

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Detalz at 02:26, 26 November 2013

2013-11-26T02:26:07Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:26, 26 November 2013
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	Edits now made to part 3 (done editing this chapter). Some of my edits changed some sentence structures a bit. Also, suggested revision in part 3 added below. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 19:36, 24 November 2013 (CST)		Edits now made to part 3 (done editing this chapter). Some of my edits changed some sentence structures a bit. Also, suggested revision in part 3 added below. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 19:36, 24 November 2013 (CST)
			:*Your edits are fine. As for me, I'll be lazy and actually implement the changes in never(around a week).

	===Part 1===		===Part 1===

Cthaeh: /* Suggested sentences for revision */ for part 3

2013-11-25T01:36:28Z

Suggested sentences for revision: for part 3

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 Edits made to part 2, and suggested revisions in part 2 added below. --[[User:Cthaeh|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh|talk]]) 23:22, 23 November 2013 (CST)
 ===Part 1===
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 Having seen the favour she held for him, there was a possibility that Ineli would marry a distant relative of the Imperial House and the husband would be made successor to the throne.
 *While there's nothing wrong as is, I would have expected it to be "Having seen the favour he (the emperor) held for Ineli (her)".  The current wording still makes some sense, but I feel like it would make more sense contextually if it was as I have it in my revision.

Cthaeh: /* Suggested sentences for revision */ for part 2

2013-11-24T05:22:39Z

Suggested sentences for revision: for part 2

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 *Haha, I don't mind. I don't think the spaces is really a problem, as its a habit of mine, but if you want to, feel free to delete them. I also welcome any possible revisions, no matter how small. I don't make the best writer out there, and i feel these small changes can make the difference between a good and a great read. I'll gladly review over anything you think needs rephrasing. Thanks for taking the time to review it. --[[User:Detalz|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz|talk]]) 19:50, 3 November 2013 (CST)
 *You're right, they really aren't a problem besides my personal compulsion to delete them.  But since you don't mind, I will give in to myself. --[[User:Cthaeh|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh|talk]]) 20:32, 3 November 2013 (CST)
 ===Part 1===
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 *The current structure makes it seem like "the emperor's face" is what's "never removing his gaze", rather than the emperor himself.  I also suggest making Orba's actions and the emperor's actions two separate sentences.  So assuming it's the emperor, my suggested revision would be "... uproar.  The emperor's face seethed a bright red and he kept his gaze on Zaat Quark"
 :*Changed as mentioned.

Cthaeh at 02:32, 4 November 2013

2013-11-04T02:32:49Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:32, 4 November 2013
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	I've done spell check and British English for the whole chapter. I've also made further edits and suggestions for part 1. Also, I generally try to avoid bugging translators about trivial matters, but my ocd is getting the better of me here: many of your paragraphs end with white spaces after the period, I don't think it really matters, but do you mind if I delete those extra white spaces? And as always, thanks for your translations. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 22:47, 1 November 2013 (CDT)		I've done spell check and British English for the whole chapter. I've also made further edits and suggestions for part 1. Also, I generally try to avoid bugging translators about trivial matters, but my ocd is getting the better of me here: many of your paragraphs end with white spaces after the period, I don't think it really matters, but do you mind if I delete those extra white spaces? And as always, thanks for your translations. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 22:47, 1 November 2013 (CDT)
	*Haha, I don't mind. I don't think the spaces is really a problem, as its a habit of mine, but if you want to, feel free to delete them. I also welcome any possible revisions, no matter how small. I don't make the best writer out there, and i feel these small changes can make the difference between a good and a great read. I'll gladly review over anything you think needs rephrasing. Thanks for taking the time to review it. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:50, 3 November 2013 (CST)		*Haha, I don't mind. I don't think the spaces is really a problem, as its a habit of mine, but if you want to, feel free to delete them. I also welcome any possible revisions, no matter how small. I don't make the best writer out there, and i feel these small changes can make the difference between a good and a great read. I'll gladly review over anything you think needs rephrasing. Thanks for taking the time to review it. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:50, 3 November 2013 (CST)
			*You're right, they really aren't a problem besides my personal compulsion to delete them. But since you don't mind, I will give in to myself. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:32, 3 November 2013 (CST)

	===Part 1===		===Part 1===
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	*In the second sentence, the linking of the last two parts with "though" seemed strange to me. Also, I think the order of impostor and son should be switched to get the intended meaning. Suggested revision to "kill him. Could a father even mistake an impostor for his own son?"		*In the second sentence, the linking of the last two parts with "though" seemed strange to me. Also, I think the order of impostor and son should be switched to get the intended meaning. Suggested revision to "kill him. Could a father even mistake an impostor for his own son?"
	:*I'll go with the sentence split, but I'd like to keep 'though' since it represents a break in his thoughts. Changed to "..kill him. Though, could a father..."		:*I'll go with the sentence split, but I'd like to keep 'though' since it represents a break in his thoughts. Changed to "..kill him. Though, could a father..."
			::*No complaints on the "though". But I also think the last part should be changed to "even mistake an impostor for his own son?". To me, the current wording implies that the truth is Orba is the emperor's son (rather than the actual truth that Orba is the impostor).

	The room got gone into an uproar since the beginning of Zaat’s interjection.		The room got gone into an uproar since the beginning of Zaat’s interjection.

Detalz: /* Suggested sentences for revision */

2013-11-04T01:50:40Z

Suggested sentences for revision

Show changes

Cthaeh: Suggested sentences for revision - part 1

2013-11-02T03:47:10Z

Suggested sentences for revision - part 1

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:47, 2 November 2013
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	:::In that case 'master' probably suits best, as Hermann doesn't really speak in an overly respectful tone towards Fedom, who doesn't seem to mind. Considering 旦那 can be used towards people not of noble birth, I believe it's a less respectful form of speech than 'my lord', but of course, it still depends on the context. If you believe 'my lord' or 'my liege' fits better in a given situation, you should go with that - there's no definite rule. Besides, I sometimes use 'your highness' instead of 'prince' because constantly using 'prince' to address someone sounds a bit strange in English. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 10:33, 11 September 2013 (CDT)		:::In that case 'master' probably suits best, as Hermann doesn't really speak in an overly respectful tone towards Fedom, who doesn't seem to mind. Considering 旦那 can be used towards people not of noble birth, I believe it's a less respectful form of speech than 'my lord', but of course, it still depends on the context. If you believe 'my lord' or 'my liege' fits better in a given situation, you should go with that - there's no definite rule. Besides, I sometimes use 'your highness' instead of 'prince' because constantly using 'prince' to address someone sounds a bit strange in English. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 10:33, 11 September 2013 (CDT)
	::*Yea, I'm beginning to think more variation needs to be adjusted towards translation of these titular nouns. Though in my viewpoint, 'liege' accomodates a relationship of trust/loyalty whereas 'master' accomodates a relationship based on status alone(or in the most extremes, complete servitude). As a short background on Hermann's history, he was picked up and provided for by Fedom. So in this case, I don't exactly feel him calling Fedom 'master' is appropriate. Or maybe we'll somehow think of an alternative title along the way and go with that one. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]]		::*Yea, I'm beginning to think more variation needs to be adjusted towards translation of these titular nouns. Though in my viewpoint, 'liege' accomodates a relationship of trust/loyalty whereas 'master' accomodates a relationship based on status alone(or in the most extremes, complete servitude). As a short background on Hermann's history, he was picked up and provided for by Fedom. So in this case, I don't exactly feel him calling Fedom 'master' is appropriate. Or maybe we'll somehow think of an alternative title along the way and go with that one. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]]

			==Suggested sentences for revision==

			I've done spell check and British English for the whole chapter. I've also made further edits and suggestions for part 1. Also, I generally try to avoid bugging translators about trivial matters, but my ocd is getting the better of me here: many of your paragraphs end with white spaces after the period, I don't think it really matters, but do you mind if I delete those extra white spaces? And as always, thanks for your translations. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 22:47, 1 November 2013 (CDT)

			===Part 1===

			where those who bragged of their strength would duke it out in the imperial capital of Solon’s arena, which compared to all others, made them appear to be lacking in lustre, and awfully plain.
			*Suggesting change to "which made all others appear lacking in lustre and awfully plain by comparison."

			Amongst the gladiators who had survived day after day of fighting, the Guild would carefully select the ones with real ability, especially those with high popularity, until the final four men were chosen and to each, a one-on-one battle would be held.
			*I'm not sure exactly what the intended meaning of the last half is. The "until" is strange because it seems to imply those chosen were fighting to get to the final four, even though that hasn't been said. And then "to each" also seems out of place.

			It had been modelled after one of Mephius’ most popular historical figures, the Dragon-slaying hero, Clovis, who, together with the support of Felipe, fought to the very end. Despite being gladiators, they had been bestowed the same title, and released from their status as sword-slave.
			*I thought the second sentence is a little strange. One because it says "despite being gladiators" even though no gladiators have been mentioned in the mini-story yet (I have to assume "the support of Felipe" was gladiators). Also, "the same title" is a little ambiguous (I guess the only thing it could be is the same title as Clovis, 'Dragon-slaying hero'). So while there is not necessarily anything wrong, the ambiguities made me want to bring it up for review.

			In this day and age, the sword-slaves trained even harder than usual in hopes they would be able to participate in the tournament.
			*The matching of "in this day and age" and "than usual" is a little strange because of the differing time periods those imply. I would have expected either "in this day and age, ... than in the past" or "at this time of year, ... than usual".

			The day before the festival started, the Mephius royalty and chief vassals had, during the evening, taken the lead in the celebration of founding day, and held a ritual to pray for a good harvest in the coming year.
			*Suggested revision to "The evening before the day the festival started, the Mephius royalty and chief vassals took the lead ...". (Rearranging sentence and "had taken" to "took".)

			It was a symbol of the capital, and situated below was the Dragon God Shrine. It was a naturally formed cave,
			*The first "It was" refers to the Black Tower, but the second refers to the shrine. Being used in sequence like that made me think the second "it was" was also the tower, so my suggested revision is to change the second "It was" to "The shrine".

			The one acting as vanguard and holding the lamps was not the emperor, but several elderly men. They had dark brown skin and thin but treaded robustly.
			*The second sentence needs "were thin" instead of thin. But I also don't like that the current structure and use of "but" implies their dark brown skin was at all related to their treading robustly. So my suggested revision is "but several elderly men with dark brown skin. They were thin, but treaded robustly."

			This was an old custom, back in the days when people all throughout Mephius worshipped the Dragon God.
			*Suggested change of "an old custom, back" to "an old custom from back".

			At night, in the central hall within the inner palace where the remaining nobles and countries’ envoys were waiting, the eve of the founding festival celebration would take place.
			*This sentence implies the "eve of the founding festival" is an event that can take place at a location. However, I believe "eve" is only a relative description of time. So it would need to be changed to something like "the party on the eve of the...", where "the party" is the actual event.

			Simon was one leader amidst all the others. Who knew how long he could have been lurking behind Fedom.
			*There's nothing wrong with the sentence themselves, however the feel out of place and I don't understand how they fit the surrounding context. That makes me think there could be something off about the translation, but it could also just be me not understanding.

			The unexpected jab had, for a moment, left him short of a response.
			*Suggested tense and structure change to "The unexpected jab left him momentarily short of a response."

			But, with this, everyone would watch over the relationship between the charming prince and princess, and once this atmosphere develops, the people will follow suit.
			*I wasn't sure about the exact meaning in this sentence, mainly who "everyone" is referring to, and what the "people" are following suit with. My guess was that "everyone" was the nobles, and that the "people" were the common citizens, who would follow suit with accepting the relationship. Though I can't really come up with a better version myself at the moment.

			In this part of the cave supported by wood and iron rods, were several laid chairs, just enough to accommodate the group, centred around a crudely-built stone table.
			*I didn't know what "laid chairs" were.

			If a situation were to occur that would force these two alone, should he approach him deceivingly? Orba had no interest in finding out; he might even try to kill him, though, could a father even mistake his own son for an impostor?
			*In the second sentence, the linking of the last two parts with "though" seemed strange to me. Also, I think the order of impostor and son should be switched to get the intended meaning. Suggested revision to "kill him. Could a father even mistake an impostor for his own son?"

			The room got gone into an uproar since the beginning of Zaat’s interjection.
			*Suggested revision to "The room went into an uproar after Zaat's interjection".

			The way things are being done have not been according to our followed customs.
			*Needs some tense matching at least. But I go a little further with my suggested revision of "The way things are being done is not following our customs."

			The benevolent Dragon God shall certainly not bestow his judgment of anger on you, but will instead impose it on the emperor who acts as his representative, me.
			*I was a little confused. If the Dragon God is going to punish the emperor, it seems like "his representative" would be better as "your representative " from a contextual sense. Or if the emperor was going to punish Zaat as the Dragon God's representative, then "will instead impose it on the emperor" should be changed to "will instead be imposed by the emperor".

			Orba watched as the situation once again turned into an uproar, and the emperor’s face seethed a bright red, while never removing his gaze from Zaat Quark, whose face showed a ghastly blue.
			*The current structure makes it seem like "the emperor's face" is what's "never removing his gaze", rather than the emperor himself. I also suggest making Orba's actions and the emperor's actions two separate sentences. So assuming it's the emperor, my suggested revision would be "... uproar. The emperor's face seethed a bright red and he kept his gaze on Zaat Quark"

Detalz at 00:17, 14 September 2013

2013-09-14T00:17:19Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:17, 14 September 2013
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	::*It's on pg. 68 in the middle of the page. I'm sure the author uses quotation marks here. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]]		::*It's on pg. 68 in the middle of the page. I'm sure the author uses quotation marks here. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]]
	:::Found it, but I don't think it is spoken. Full sentence: その後も、オルバは「初陣での活躍に有頂天になっている皇子」の振りをつづけた。 The brackets are used to emphasize that these are probably Fedom's orders, or maybe his own approach at playing a double. It's the オルバは「．．．」'''の振りをつづけた''' that convinces me of this. I'd translate it like: ''After that, Orba continued to act as 'a prince who had become excited for his activities in his first campaign'.'' --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 10:28, 11 September 2013 (CDT)		:::Found it, but I don't think it is spoken. Full sentence: その後も、オルバは「初陣での活躍に有頂天になっている皇子」の振りをつづけた。 The brackets are used to emphasize that these are probably Fedom's orders, or maybe his own approach at playing a double. It's the オルバは「．．．」'''の振りをつづけた''' that convinces me of this. I'd translate it like: ''After that, Orba continued to act as 'a prince who had become excited for his activities in his first campaign'.'' --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 10:28, 11 September 2013 (CDT)
			:::*Changed. Thanks for the help as usual.


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	Here are the romanizations of the terms I came across in the chapter I'm not too sure about.		Here are the romanizations of the terms I came across in the chapter I'm not too sure about.
	:ガイザー Geyser (dragon species)		:ガイザー Geyser (dragon species)
	:マ・ドゥーク – Ma ~~Duke~~ (dragon species)		:マ・ドゥーク – Ma'Duk [Changed] (dragon species)
	:* Like I said in the forums, 'Duke' might be confusing, so I'd consider Dhouk/Douk/Dook/Dhook, whatever, as long as it's sorta phonetically the same. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]]		:* Like I said in the forums, 'Duke' might be confusing, so I'd consider Dhouk/Douk/Dook/Dhook, whatever, as long as it's sorta phonetically the same. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]]
	:ノウェ・サウザンテス – Noue Salzantes		:ノウェ・サウザンテス – Noue Salzantes
	:* There's a guy in Drakengard 2 with the same name and it's romanized Nowe; but probably with an emphasis on 'we'. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]]		:* There's a guy in Drakengard 2 with the same name and it's romanized Nowe; but probably with an emphasis on 'we'. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]]
	:* Also, I think Sozantes (or Souzantes, but the 'u' may be unnecessary here) is closer to the original. Salzantes would be サルザンテス, I think.--[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]]		:* Also, I think Sozantes (or Souzantes, but the 'u' may be unnecessary here) is closer to the original. Salzantes would be サルザンテス, I think.--[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]]
			::*Isn't サウ read as (Sau)? In which case, the english equivalent sounds most similar to the 'sou' in sour, or "sow," "sao," "sal," with which I chose the last option. Besides the l at the end of a word, ル is rarely used to emulate 'L' sounds that don't equate "Loo" or "Lu" in sounds in beginning/middle of words in my opinion. And somehow, I'm finding Nowe to not match his last name, so I'll probably stick with Noue.
	:『豪腕』パーシル– Strong-armed Pashir		:『豪腕』パーシル– Strong-armed Pashir
	:旦那さま – my(the) master		:旦那さま – my(the) master
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	:::*Hermann uses this to address Fedom, and was briefly used in Chapter 2 of the first volume. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]]		:::*Hermann uses this to address Fedom, and was briefly used in Chapter 2 of the first volume. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]]
	:::In that case 'master' probably suits best, as Hermann doesn't really speak in an overly respectful tone towards Fedom, who doesn't seem to mind. Considering 旦那 can be used towards people not of noble birth, I believe it's a less respectful form of speech than 'my lord', but of course, it still depends on the context. If you believe 'my lord' or 'my liege' fits better in a given situation, you should go with that - there's no definite rule. Besides, I sometimes use 'your highness' instead of 'prince' because constantly using 'prince' to address someone sounds a bit strange in English. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 10:33, 11 September 2013 (CDT)		:::In that case 'master' probably suits best, as Hermann doesn't really speak in an overly respectful tone towards Fedom, who doesn't seem to mind. Considering 旦那 can be used towards people not of noble birth, I believe it's a less respectful form of speech than 'my lord', but of course, it still depends on the context. If you believe 'my lord' or 'my liege' fits better in a given situation, you should go with that - there's no definite rule. Besides, I sometimes use 'your highness' instead of 'prince' because constantly using 'prince' to address someone sounds a bit strange in English. --[[User:Dohma\|Dohma]] ([[User talk:Dohma\|talk]]) 10:33, 11 September 2013 (CDT)
			::*Yea, I'm beginning to think more variation needs to be adjusted towards translation of these titular nouns. Though in my viewpoint, 'liege' accomodates a relationship of trust/loyalty whereas 'master' accomodates a relationship based on status alone(or in the most extremes, complete servitude). As a short background on Hermann's history, he was picked up and provided for by Fedom. So in this case, I don't exactly feel him calling Fedom 'master' is appropriate. Or maybe we'll somehow think of an alternative title along the way and go with that one. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 07:38, 27 November 2013
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	:*What do you think of "His Highness accomplished his first campaign in stride"?		:*What do you think of "His Highness accomplished his first campaign in stride"?
	::*It seems good. For seem reason, I probably wouldn't pair accomplish and campaign, I feel like you can participate in a campaign, but not accomplish them. But I'm never really sure when things are just my own personal word sense.		::*It seems good. For seem reason, I probably wouldn't pair accomplish and campaign, I feel like you can participate in a campaign, but not accomplish them. But I'm never really sure when things are just my own personal word sense.
			:::*No, I agree on that, but we'll have to make do with some awkwardness. And readers should more of less get the bigger picture anyway~
	*Also in the second sentence, I thought "when" would fit better than "once".		*Also in the second sentence, I thought "when" would fit better than "once".
	:*CaM		:*CaM
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	:*Elder is a general term, though different from what was used in Part 1 so it is in needed of review. The raws use 年長者, which refers to an "experienced" person (age/profession), and though adult isn't wrong, it might not be the best term. Any luck thinking of another term or does you verdict still lie with 'adult'?		:*Elder is a general term, though different from what was used in Part 1 so it is in needed of review. The raws use 年長者, which refers to an "experienced" person (age/profession), and though adult isn't wrong, it might not be the best term. Any luck thinking of another term or does you verdict still lie with 'adult'?
	::*"those with experience"? I probably like that better than adult (I didn't like adult much).		::*"those with experience"? I probably like that better than adult (I didn't like adult much).
			:::*Why'd I pick 'elders' over 'elderly' anyway...Well, I did a bit more searching and I'm leaning towards 'old-timer' right now.
	*In the second sentence, the "this" isn't referring to anything specifically, which is a little strange. I interpreted it as something like "At least some level of competence is expected of the prince". My interpretation of the sentence also changed "is to be expected" to "is expected", but those have to different meanings.		*In the second sentence, the "this" isn't referring to anything specifically, which is a little strange. I interpreted it as something like "At least some level of competence is expected of the prince". My interpretation of the sentence also changed "is to be expected" to "is expected", but those have to different meanings.
	:*This is very broad here, and refers to "acting so bashfully that even the elders would feel they would lose face" is just what I'd expect from the 'prince'(sarcastic emphasis)		:*This is very broad here, and refers to "acting so bashfully that even the elders would feel they would lose face" is just what I'd expect from the 'prince'(sarcastic emphasis). Changed "the prince" to "our"

	War was originally one of the sword-slaves from the Tarkas company. He had participated in the battle at Zaim Fortress and remained amongst the eighty sword-slaves, of which sixty-two had offered their service into the Imperial Guards. The remaining were more than adequately rewarded by being set free. Amongst them was the giant gladiator, Gilliam. War was also one of those who had become free.		War was originally one of the sword-slaves from the Tarkas company. He had participated in the battle at Zaim Fortress and remained amongst the eighty sword-slaves, of which sixty-two had offered their service into the Imperial Guards. The remaining were more than adequately rewarded by being set free. Amongst them was the giant gladiator, Gilliam. War was also one of those who had become free.
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	We would like to express gratitude from our hearts for Mephius’ assistance.		We would like to express gratitude from our hearts for Mephius’ assistance.
	*Suggested change to "from the bottom of our hearts". (I'm assuming that expression is the same in British English).		*Suggested change to "from the bottom of our hearts". (I'm assuming that expression is the same in British English).
	:*Woops. Losing grip of what's an idiom and what isn't.		:*Woops. Losing grip of what's an idiom and what isn't. ---Actually scratch that, changing to "our heartfelt gratitude"

	You can be rest assured of the stagnant state of affairs.		You can be rest assured of the stagnant state of affairs.
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	:*Context is meant to be negative. That the 'stagnant' state of affairs might threaten political affairs and result in an increased likelihood for war. Can't imagine using the other adjectives.		:*Context is meant to be negative. That the 'stagnant' state of affairs might threaten political affairs and result in an increased likelihood for war. Can't imagine using the other adjectives.
	::*The "you can be rest assured" implied the context was positive to me, which is why I made those suggestions. Having it clarified for me, I now interpret that pairing of a positive phrase with a negative adjective as sarcasm/cynicism.		::*The "you can be rest assured" implied the context was positive to me, which is why I made those suggestions. Having it clarified for me, I now interpret that pairing of a positive phrase with a negative adjective as sarcasm/cynicism.
			:::*Not so much as cynicism. It's more of 'he admits it, but he's trying to ease her fears' type of comment. I should try to read some more English books to remember how stories are written in english...it's been so long.

	“No matter where she is, she never was a person to sit down quietly and do nothing from the start.”		“No matter where she is, she never was a person to sit down quietly and do nothing from the start.”
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	And in a strained laugh mixed with grief, her grandfather had said, “same as always,” with an openhearted laugh.		And in a strained laugh mixed with grief, her grandfather had said, “same as always,” with an openhearted laugh.
	*His laughter is described as both strained and openhearted, which I feel like is an oxymoron. Maybe the openhearted laugh is at the end of comment, and the strained is at the start?		*His laughter is described as both strained and openhearted, which I feel like is an oxymoron. Maybe the openhearted laugh is at the end of comment, and the strained is at the start?
	:*First part refers to the previous ~~setnence~~. changed: ["start," he mentoned with a strained laugh mixed with grief. Then with an openhearted laugh, "same as always," he said.]		:*First part refers to the previous sentence. changed: ["start," he mentoned with a strained laugh mixed with grief. Then with an openhearted laugh, "same as always," he said.]

	“Even as she lived alone in my estate, in the coming day, the princess would be up to her usual mischief,		“Even as she lived alone in my estate, in the coming day, the princess would be up to her usual mischief,
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	Vileena muttered, as her lips moved to form nothing less of a smile.		Vileena muttered, as her lips moved to form nothing less of a smile.
	*I'm not sure what "nothing less of a smile" means. "Nothing less than a smile" would be a more typical expression, but I'm not sure if that really fits here either.		*I'm not sure what "nothing less of a smile" means. "Nothing less than a smile" would be a more typical expression, but I'm not sure if that really fits here either.
	:*equiv: nothing short of a smile		:*equiv: nothing short of a smile/a smile so endearing that it could not be mistaken for something else

	It had been nowhere to the extent of years, but thoughts of how she had come to be so far away began to be made anew.		It had been nowhere to the extent of years, but thoughts of how she had come to be so far away began to be made anew.
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	:*'if not even once' = i want to do it preferably more than once. 'even if only once' = satisfied with doing it once.		:*'if not even once' = i want to do it preferably more than once. 'even if only once' = satisfied with doing it once.
	::*I intepret 'even if only once' = would prefer more than once, but desperate enough to work towards even it if only once. "if not even once" only got 26 google hits (compared to 2x10^8), so while I could be wrong that my suggestion has the correct meaning, I do think the original should be reworded. But if I'm wrong / peculiar in my interpretation of my first suggestion, I won't be much help in finding another.		::*I intepret 'even if only once' = would prefer more than once, but desperate enough to work towards even it if only once. "if not even once" only got 26 google hits (compared to 2x10^8), so while I could be wrong that my suggestion has the correct meaning, I do think the original should be reworded. But if I'm wrong / peculiar in my interpretation of my first suggestion, I won't be much help in finding another.
			:::*Oh, I don't deny "even if only once" being much more commonly used today. The two connotate very similarly meanings, but usage has changed over the times. Let me clarify. Both mean "want to do ___ more than once." However, 'if not even once' means "I would go within my means to do it a second time" while 'even if only once' means "I really want to try it once but I'll stifle my desire after that once in satisfaction(to a certain extent). The latter implies a certain sense of modesty much more commonly expected to be expressed in today's times, while the former implies a "I want it, I'll get it(because I can)" type of sentence. At least that's how I feel.

	Their rally from the start was entirely settled, and it soon became obvious the other sword dances were inferior to theirs.		Their rally from the start was entirely settled, and it soon became obvious the other sword dances were inferior to theirs.
	*I'm not sure what the first part means. My guess was something like "Their rally had a perfect rhythm from the start".		*I'm not sure what the first part means. My guess was something like "Their rally had a perfect rhythm from the start".
	:*They finished the "warm-up" rally, and actually proceeded to beginning the real sword dance.		:*They finished the "warm-up" rally, and actually proceeded to beginning the real sword dance. I'll reword this as well.

	Shique commenced his attack, pretending to have switched to defence, he swept towards Pashir’s feet.		Shique commenced his attack, pretending to have switched to defence, he swept towards Pashir’s feet.
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	:*I'm guessing 'accumulated in years' still sounds weird? I (personally) find the first suggestion weird, and the second too liberal. Rather than wisdom, I think they meant experience, which is redundant when mentioned with years, isn't it?		:*I'm guessing 'accumulated in years' still sounds weird? I (personally) find the first suggestion weird, and the second too liberal. Rather than wisdom, I think they meant experience, which is redundant when mentioned with years, isn't it?
	::*It does to me, but if it sounds fine to you as is then just skip this one.		::*It does to me, but if it sounds fine to you as is then just skip this one.
			:::*I consulted a friend and he also thinks its fine. Thanks for pointing it out though.

	Orba offered War a cup of wine. War respectfully picked it up, and as he waited for War to drain the contents,		Orba offered War a cup of wine. War respectfully picked it up, and as he waited for War to drain the contents,
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	:::-but one of his/Bane's subordinates somehow grew dissatisfied his treatment and voiced his...		:::-but one of his/Bane's subordinates somehow grew dissatisfied his treatment and voiced his...
	:::-but one of his/Bane's subordinates, somehow dissatisfied with his treatment, voiced his...		:::-but one of his/Bane's subordinates, somehow dissatisfied with his treatment, voiced his...
			:::*going with this

	I may not look it, but I make a good listener and, without a single look of displeasure or reluctance, listened to his complaints and left a rather favourable impression.		I may not look it, but I make a good listener and, without a single look of displeasure or reluctance, listened to his complaints and left a rather favourable impression.