Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume2 Chapter4 - Revision history

Detalz at 05:29, 27 January 2014

2014-01-27T05:29:06Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 05:29, 27 January 2014
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	:::*Sure, why not. I don't think I'll have any trouble typing that out myself in future translations though.		:::*Sure, why not. I don't think I'll have any trouble typing that out myself in future translations though.
	:*I just noticed "horse wagon" didn't get changed. Was that intentional, or should it it be horse-drawn carriage?		:*I just noticed "horse wagon" didn't get changed. Was that intentional, or should it it be horse-drawn carriage?
			:*Changed.

	Since shortly before, he had relayed the signal that pressed them to ready themselves.		Since shortly before, he had relayed the signal that pressed them to ready themselves.

Cthaeh at 03:04, 27 January 2014

2014-01-27T03:04:16Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:04, 27 January 2014
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	:*Lol, it's not a problem to me. Just keep in mind that I may choose not to get back to the revisions until after I finish a chapter. Let loose on your edits. Alternative wordings/phrasings, choices in speech that you feel might better reflect a character/scenario, or might better suit a boy/girl etc, condensing certain sentences, etc. Don't worry too much about ending up altering sentence structures in your edits. If you overstep your bounds, I'll tell you. Thanks as always, and for catching those edits I always seem to skip over.....P.S. If you ever want to do edits a different way, I don't mind as well. I'm a bit confused why you haven't registered yourself as an editor for this series and To Aru Majutsu, considering the sheer workload you've committed...If you want, I could add you in there. Or is it that you prefer to remain unnamed? --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)		:*Lol, it's not a problem to me. Just keep in mind that I may choose not to get back to the revisions until after I finish a chapter. Let loose on your edits. Alternative wordings/phrasings, choices in speech that you feel might better reflect a character/scenario, or might better suit a boy/girl etc, condensing certain sentences, etc. Don't worry too much about ending up altering sentence structures in your edits. If you overstep your bounds, I'll tell you. Thanks as always, and for catching those edits I always seem to skip over.....P.S. If you ever want to do edits a different way, I don't mind as well. I'm a bit confused why you haven't registered yourself as an editor for this series and To Aru Majutsu, considering the sheer workload you've committed...If you want, I could add you in there. Or is it that you prefer to remain unnamed? --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)
	::*I'd also like to ask a question about part 3 for this chapter, where Orba tells Pashir to "Shut up." on the 8th line from the last. This response feels like it's missing something. Would use of an exclamation be better? Or maybe a more vulgar version? "Shut your trap." "Shut your trap!", "Shut your gob" "Shut the fuck up", "Shut your filthy mouth."...Play around with the commas and exclamations. I'm not sure which to use, since it is an outburst, but it's also somewhat contained. You may edit it yourself, if you feel you can fix it without further consultation. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)		::*I'd also like to ask a question about part 3 for this chapter, where Orba tells Pashir to "Shut up." on the 8th line from the last. This response feels like it's missing something. Would use of an exclamation be better? Or maybe a more vulgar version? "Shut your trap." "Shut your trap!", "Shut your gob" "Shut the fuck up", "Shut your filthy mouth."...Play around with the commas and exclamations. I'm not sure which to use, since it is an outburst, but it's also somewhat contained. You may edit it yourself, if you feel you can fix it without further consultation. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)
	::*For me, “shut your trap” or “shut your gob” are a little weaker or less vulgar than just plain “shut up”. The ones that I find most exclamation-like are “Shut up!” or “Shut the fuck up!” depending on the kind of language you want to use. In an attempt to add an idea, I’d say “Shut up you bastard!” would be somewhere in between those two. However, I’m one of the last people you should ask about ~~vulgarities~~, and I don’t think I’m any more confident on my exclamation creativity than you, so I won’t make a choice myself. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)		::*For me, “shut your trap” or “shut your gob” are a little weaker or less vulgar than just plain “shut up”. The ones that I find most exclamation-like are “Shut up!” or “Shut the fuck up!” depending on the kind of language you want to use. In an attempt to add an idea, I’d say “Shut up you bastard!” would be somewhere in between those two. However, I’m one of the last people you should ask about profanities, and I don’t think I’m any more confident on my exclamation creativity than you, so I won’t make a choice myself. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)
			:::*I noticed you used fuckin' in c5 (I didn't remember it being used previously). So as long as the translation is using that, then "Shut the fuck up!" or "Shut your fuckin' mouth!" are the ones I'd consider the strongest and most exclamation-like.
	:*From a reader’s perspective, I have a slight preference to wait until the chapter is complete. But it wouldn’t be much different for me to read/edit partwise if that helped you more. It sounds like it doesn’t matter to you much either way. The reason I haven’t added my name to the list is mainly due to apathy. If you think it would be useful or appropriate, then you can add my name. I just never thought there was enough value to justify the extra revision to the page. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)		:*From a reader’s perspective, I have a slight preference to wait until the chapter is complete. But it wouldn’t be much different for me to read/edit partwise if that helped you more. It sounds like it doesn’t matter to you much either way. The reason I haven’t added my name to the list is mainly due to apathy. If you think it would be useful or appropriate, then you can add my name. I just never thought there was enough value to justify the extra revision to the page. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)

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	::*So I should change any other instances of 'horse carriage' that I notice in the future to 'horse-drawn carriage'?		::*So I should change any other instances of 'horse carriage' that I notice in the future to 'horse-drawn carriage'?
	:::*Sure, why not. I don't think I'll have any trouble typing that out myself in future translations though.		:::*Sure, why not. I don't think I'll have any trouble typing that out myself in future translations though.
			:*I just noticed "horse wagon" didn't get changed. Was that intentional, or should it it be horse-drawn carriage?

	Since shortly before, he had relayed the signal that pressed them to ready themselves.		Since shortly before, he had relayed the signal that pressed them to ready themselves.
	*‘Since shortly before’ didn’t seem to fit (‘since’ implying continuous or ongoing mismatching with the one-time event of ‘relayed the signal’). I would suggest ‘A short while ago, he had…”		*‘Since shortly before’ didn’t seem to fit (‘since’ implying continuous or ongoing mismatching with the one-time event of ‘relayed the signal’). I would suggest ‘A short while ago, he had…”

Cthaeh at 02:40, 16 January 2014

2014-01-16T02:40:49Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:40, 16 January 2014
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	:*Lol, it's not a problem to me. Just keep in mind that I may choose not to get back to the revisions until after I finish a chapter. Let loose on your edits. Alternative wordings/phrasings, choices in speech that you feel might better reflect a character/scenario, or might better suit a boy/girl etc, condensing certain sentences, etc. Don't worry too much about ending up altering sentence structures in your edits. If you overstep your bounds, I'll tell you. Thanks as always, and for catching those edits I always seem to skip over.....P.S. If you ever want to do edits a different way, I don't mind as well. I'm a bit confused why you haven't registered yourself as an editor for this series and To Aru Majutsu, considering the sheer workload you've committed...If you want, I could add you in there. Or is it that you prefer to remain unnamed? --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)		:*Lol, it's not a problem to me. Just keep in mind that I may choose not to get back to the revisions until after I finish a chapter. Let loose on your edits. Alternative wordings/phrasings, choices in speech that you feel might better reflect a character/scenario, or might better suit a boy/girl etc, condensing certain sentences, etc. Don't worry too much about ending up altering sentence structures in your edits. If you overstep your bounds, I'll tell you. Thanks as always, and for catching those edits I always seem to skip over.....P.S. If you ever want to do edits a different way, I don't mind as well. I'm a bit confused why you haven't registered yourself as an editor for this series and To Aru Majutsu, considering the sheer workload you've committed...If you want, I could add you in there. Or is it that you prefer to remain unnamed? --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)
	::*I'd also like to ask a question about part 3 for this chapter, where Orba tells Pashir to "Shut up." on the 8th line from the last. This response feels like it's missing something. Would use of an exclamation be better? Or maybe a more vulgar version? "Shut your trap." "Shut your trap!", "Shut your gob" "Shut the fuck up", "Shut your filthy mouth."...Play around with the commas and exclamations. I'm not sure which to use, since it is an outburst, but it's also somewhat contained. You may edit it yourself, if you feel you can fix it without further consultation. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)		::*I'd also like to ask a question about part 3 for this chapter, where Orba tells Pashir to "Shut up." on the 8th line from the last. This response feels like it's missing something. Would use of an exclamation be better? Or maybe a more vulgar version? "Shut your trap." "Shut your trap!", "Shut your gob" "Shut the fuck up", "Shut your filthy mouth."...Play around with the commas and exclamations. I'm not sure which to use, since it is an outburst, but it's also somewhat contained. You may edit it yourself, if you feel you can fix it without further consultation. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)
	::*For me, “shut your trap” or “shut your ~~mouth”~~ are a little weaker or less vulgar than just plain “shut up”. The ones that I find most exclamation-like are “Shut up!” or “Shut the fuck up!” depending on the kind of language you want to use. In an attempt to add an idea, I’d say “Shut up you bastard!” would be somewhere in between those two. However, I’m one of the last people you should ask about vulgarities, and I don’t think I’m any more confident on my exclamation creativity than you, so I won’t make a choice myself. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)		::*For me, “shut your trap” or “shut your gob” are a little weaker or less vulgar than just plain “shut up”. The ones that I find most exclamation-like are “Shut up!” or “Shut the fuck up!” depending on the kind of language you want to use. In an attempt to add an idea, I’d say “Shut up you bastard!” would be somewhere in between those two. However, I’m one of the last people you should ask about vulgarities, and I don’t think I’m any more confident on my exclamation creativity than you, so I won’t make a choice myself. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)
	:*From a reader’s perspective, I have a slight preference to wait until the chapter is complete. But it wouldn’t be much different for me to read/edit partwise if that helped you more. It sounds like it doesn’t matter to you much either way. The reason I haven’t added my name to the list is mainly due to apathy. If you think it would be useful or appropriate, then you can add my name. I just never thought there was enough value to justify the extra revision to the page. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)		:*From a reader’s perspective, I have a slight preference to wait until the chapter is complete. But it wouldn’t be much different for me to read/edit partwise if that helped you more. It sounds like it doesn’t matter to you much either way. The reason I haven’t added my name to the list is mainly due to apathy. If you think it would be useful or appropriate, then you can add my name. I just never thought there was enough value to justify the extra revision to the page. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)

Cthaeh at 02:39, 16 January 2014

2014-01-16T02:39:10Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:39, 16 January 2014
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	:*Lol, it's not a problem to me. Just keep in mind that I may choose not to get back to the revisions until after I finish a chapter. Let loose on your edits. Alternative wordings/phrasings, choices in speech that you feel might better reflect a character/scenario, or might better suit a boy/girl etc, condensing certain sentences, etc. Don't worry too much about ending up altering sentence structures in your edits. If you overstep your bounds, I'll tell you. Thanks as always, and for catching those edits I always seem to skip over.....P.S. If you ever want to do edits a different way, I don't mind as well. I'm a bit confused why you haven't registered yourself as an editor for this series and To Aru Majutsu, considering the sheer workload you've committed...If you want, I could add you in there. Or is it that you prefer to remain unnamed? --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)		:*Lol, it's not a problem to me. Just keep in mind that I may choose not to get back to the revisions until after I finish a chapter. Let loose on your edits. Alternative wordings/phrasings, choices in speech that you feel might better reflect a character/scenario, or might better suit a boy/girl etc, condensing certain sentences, etc. Don't worry too much about ending up altering sentence structures in your edits. If you overstep your bounds, I'll tell you. Thanks as always, and for catching those edits I always seem to skip over.....P.S. If you ever want to do edits a different way, I don't mind as well. I'm a bit confused why you haven't registered yourself as an editor for this series and To Aru Majutsu, considering the sheer workload you've committed...If you want, I could add you in there. Or is it that you prefer to remain unnamed? --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)
	::*I'd also like to ask a question about part 3 for this chapter, where Orba tells Pashir to "Shut up." on the 8th line from the last. This response feels like it's missing something. Would use of an exclamation be better? Or maybe a more vulgar version? "Shut your trap." "Shut your trap!", "Shut your gob" "Shut the fuck up", "Shut your filthy mouth."...Play around with the commas and exclamations. I'm not sure which to use, since it is an outburst, but it's also somewhat contained. You may edit it yourself, if you feel you can fix it without further consultation. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)		::*I'd also like to ask a question about part 3 for this chapter, where Orba tells Pashir to "Shut up." on the 8th line from the last. This response feels like it's missing something. Would use of an exclamation be better? Or maybe a more vulgar version? "Shut your trap." "Shut your trap!", "Shut your gob" "Shut the fuck up", "Shut your filthy mouth."...Play around with the commas and exclamations. I'm not sure which to use, since it is an outburst, but it's also somewhat contained. You may edit it yourself, if you feel you can fix it without further consultation. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)
			::*For me, “shut your trap” or “shut your mouth” are a little weaker or less vulgar than just plain “shut up”. The ones that I find most exclamation-like are “Shut up!” or “Shut the fuck up!” depending on the kind of language you want to use. In an attempt to add an idea, I’d say “Shut up you bastard!” would be somewhere in between those two. However, I’m one of the last people you should ask about vulgarities, and I don’t think I’m any more confident on my exclamation creativity than you, so I won’t make a choice myself. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)
			:*From a reader’s perspective, I have a slight preference to wait until the chapter is complete. But it wouldn’t be much different for me to read/edit partwise if that helped you more. It sounds like it doesn’t matter to you much either way. The reason I haven’t added my name to the list is mainly due to apathy. If you think it would be useful or appropriate, then you can add my name. I just never thought there was enough value to justify the extra revision to the page. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)

Detalz at 01:43, 16 January 2014

2014-01-16T01:43:21Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:43, 16 January 2014
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	*The original and above proposed revision still sound a little strange to me (I think just because the word ‘harvest’ is uncommon in this situation). To alleviate that unfamiliarity, I might add in “harvested useful information” in the above suggested revision. Or another possible revision from the original is “He had gleaned a few nuggets/gems in the…” (though I’m not entirely sure why I don’t think appending 'of useful information' is necessary in this second suggestion). Though both my suggestions are likely a larger divergence from the original JP. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:31, 27 December 2013 (CST)		*The original and above proposed revision still sound a little strange to me (I think just because the word ‘harvest’ is uncommon in this situation). To alleviate that unfamiliarity, I might add in “harvested useful information” in the above suggested revision. Or another possible revision from the original is “He had gleaned a few nuggets/gems in the…” (though I’m not entirely sure why I don’t think appending 'of useful information' is necessary in this second suggestion). Though both my suggestions are likely a larger divergence from the original JP. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:31, 27 December 2013 (CST)
			:Yea, I gave up trying to have my translations bear any semblance to the original. I'm not opposed to using proverbs, but your suggestion with the nuggets seem a bit sudden and forced when I read it. ::'Harvest from' seems to work fine for me, not as a standalone sentence, but as a sentence that it is eventually followed by a explanatory passage. But it's cases like this where you and I hold differing opinions that a third opinion is always welcome.....I'm actually a bit hesitant on this revision, which was why I didn't touch it. I guess I'll go with 'harvest from' in the meantime. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)

	==Suggested sentences for revision==		==Suggested sentences for revision==
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	I applied some edits that were marked as CaM but seemingly overlooked. The above revision suggested by Tasear was never implemented; and I added further suggestions to it, so I didn’t apply the change myself. Also, it doesn’t relate to this chapter, but woud it be more helpful to you for me to edit and comment on your translations (ch5) as you post part-by-part, or once the chapter is complete? --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 19:32, 14 January 2014 (CST)		I applied some edits that were marked as CaM but seemingly overlooked. The above revision suggested by Tasear was never implemented; and I added further suggestions to it, so I didn’t apply the change myself. Also, it doesn’t relate to this chapter, but woud it be more helpful to you for me to edit and comment on your translations (ch5) as you post part-by-part, or once the chapter is complete? --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 19:32, 14 January 2014 (CST)
			:*Lol, it's not a problem to me. Just keep in mind that I may choose not to get back to the revisions until after I finish a chapter. Let loose on your edits. Alternative wordings/phrasings, choices in speech that you feel might better reflect a character/scenario, or might better suit a boy/girl etc, condensing certain sentences, etc. Don't worry too much about ending up altering sentence structures in your edits. If you overstep your bounds, I'll tell you. Thanks as always, and for catching those edits I always seem to skip over.....P.S. If you ever want to do edits a different way, I don't mind as well. I'm a bit confused why you haven't registered yourself as an editor for this series and To Aru Majutsu, considering the sheer workload you've committed...If you want, I could add you in there. Or is it that you prefer to remain unnamed? --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)
			::*I'd also like to ask a question about part 3 for this chapter, where Orba tells Pashir to "Shut up." on the 8th line from the last. This response feels like it's missing something. Would use of an exclamation be better? Or maybe a more vulgar version? "Shut your trap." "Shut your trap!", "Shut your gob" "Shut the fuck up", "Shut your filthy mouth."...Play around with the commas and exclamations. I'm not sure which to use, since it is an outburst, but it's also somewhat contained. You may edit it yourself, if you feel you can fix it without further consultation. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)


	This is something that I’ve typically done in my edits, but it occurs often enough that I’ll bring it up to ask if you agree. There are fairly often sentences constructed of the form “[noun], [alternate name of noun] [verb]”. I typically add a comma to change them to “[noun], [alternate name of noun], [verb]”. An example of this would be “at the time the previous empress, Lana-sama was alive” changed to “at the time the previous empress, Lana-sama, was alive” (though I haven’t actually changed this example in the text yet). I believe this is an actual rule, but I wanted to check if you agree?		This is something that I’ve typically done in my edits, but it occurs often enough that I’ll bring it up to ask if you agree. There are fairly often sentences constructed of the form “[noun], [alternate name of noun] [verb]”. I typically add a comma to change them to “[noun], [alternate name of noun], [verb]”. An example of this would be “at the time the previous empress, Lana-sama was alive” changed to “at the time the previous empress, Lana-sama, was alive” (though I haven’t actually changed this example in the text yet). I believe this is an actual rule, but I wanted to check if you agree?

Cthaeh at 01:32, 15 January 2014

2014-01-15T01:32:52Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:32, 15 January 2014
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	Done with edits for chapter 4. Suggested revisions and questions below. Thanks for your translations as always. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:31, 27 December 2013 (CST)		Done with edits for chapter 4. Suggested revisions and questions below. Thanks for your translations as always. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:31, 27 December 2013 (CST)

			I applied some edits that were marked as CaM but seemingly overlooked. The above revision suggested by Tasear was never implemented; and I added further suggestions to it, so I didn’t apply the change myself. Also, it doesn’t relate to this chapter, but woud it be more helpful to you for me to edit and comment on your translations (ch5) as you post part-by-part, or once the chapter is complete? --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 19:32, 14 January 2014 (CST)

	This is something that I’ve typically done in my edits, but it occurs often enough that I’ll bring it up to ask if you agree. There are fairly often sentences constructed of the form “[noun], [alternate name of noun] [verb]”. I typically add a comma to change them to “[noun], [alternate name of noun], [verb]”. An example of this would be “at the time the previous empress, Lana-sama was alive” changed to “at the time the previous empress, Lana-sama, was alive” (though I haven’t actually changed this example in the text yet). I believe this is an actual rule, but I wanted to check if you agree?		This is something that I’ve typically done in my edits, but it occurs often enough that I’ll bring it up to ask if you agree. There are fairly often sentences constructed of the form “[noun], [alternate name of noun] [verb]”. I typically add a comma to change them to “[noun], [alternate name of noun], [verb]”. An example of this would be “at the time the previous empress, Lana-sama was alive” changed to “at the time the previous empress, Lana-sama, was alive” (though I haven’t actually changed this example in the text yet). I believe this is an actual rule, but I wanted to check if you agree?

Cthaeh at 02:07, 9 January 2014

2014-01-09T02:07:13Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:07, 9 January 2014
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	::::Because he had only appeared in public before the citizens a mere two times in the past year, there were even rumours that he had been poisoned to death( despite those two appearances).		::::Because he had only appeared in public before the citizens a mere two times in the past year, there were even rumours that he had been poisoned to death( despite those two appearances).
	::::*Sorry, my explanation led to a misunderstanding. The grand duke only appearing those two times was insufficient to act as a deterrent for the rumours(which I misleadingly described as 'spurring on' the rumours). The dots connecting these two points indicate contrast rather than correlation, so I will be rewording it to "Despite his public appearances before the public if not only a measly two times in the past year, there existed rumours that he might even have been poisoned to death." Though looking at the other proposed sentences, they're all starting to look the same.		::::*Sorry, my explanation led to a misunderstanding. The grand duke only appearing those two times was insufficient to act as a deterrent for the rumours(which I misleadingly described as 'spurring on' the rumours). The dots connecting these two points indicate contrast rather than correlation, so I will be rewording it to "Despite his public appearances before the public if not only a measly two times in the past year, there existed rumours that he might even have been poisoned to death." Though looking at the other proposed sentences, they're all starting to look the same.
			:::::*I don't think you intended the double use of 'public'; also the phrase 'if not only' isn't something I'd use. And at this point I think I'm going in a circle and coming back to my original comment (where I suggest removing 'mere'/'measly'). So if we're starting to loop around, I'll leave it at that and you can make your final decision.

	and Eric profused in the arts of war		and Eric profused in the arts of war
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	::*OK, I guess carnal can just mean bodily, but it very often refers to bodily in the sexual sense. 'desire for bloodshed' or similar seems better to me.		::*OK, I guess carnal can just mean bodily, but it very often refers to bodily in the sexual sense. 'desire for bloodshed' or similar seems better to me.
	:::*I meant to use carnal to refer to an 'insatiable appetite(for blood)' and was unaware that it was commonly used to refer to sexual activities. Thus, I propose two alternatives: 1) 'carnal fervour for blood' for clarification, or 2) 'murderous frenzy'. If you think either works, I'll go with 'desire for bloodshed' but I personally think it looks ugly.		:::*I meant to use carnal to refer to an 'insatiable appetite(for blood)' and was unaware that it was commonly used to refer to sexual activities. Thus, I propose two alternatives: 1) 'carnal fervour for blood' for clarification, or 2) 'murderous frenzy'. If you think either works, I'll go with 'desire for bloodshed' but I personally think it looks ugly.
			::::*1 or 2 seem fine to me. The association of 'carnal' to it's sexual meaning is so strong for me that I probably wouldn't use it unless I wanted at least some of that association, but saying "for blood" should make it clear enough that it's perfectly fine. Also, I'm not sure it would fit here, but "bloodlust" is a pretty common phrase (1 and 2 are still fine).

	He had not spared her a single glance and left her there when he saved her from the dragon, and to add insult, he offered his hand to that foreign princess of all things, when she was one step away from striking her a blow that would humiliate her beyond redemption.		He had not spared her a single glance and left her there when he saved her from the dragon, and to add insult, he offered his hand to that foreign princess of all things, when she was one step away from striking her a blow that would humiliate her beyond redemption.
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	::*Shhh... The 'al' key is right next to the 'e' key on my keyboard; it's a custom one.		::*Shhh... The 'al' key is right next to the 'e' key on my keyboard; it's a custom one.
	:::*How interesting...ly suspicious. If you don't mind me asking, what was it that made you want to customize your keyboard? It seems like a pain to relearn all the keys' positions.		:::*How interesting...ly suspicious. If you don't mind me asking, what was it that made you want to customize your keyboard? It seems like a pain to relearn all the keys' positions.
			::::*Um...Umm... I have to type 'al' alot in work, so I got rid of my 'w' key. Who likes 'w' anyways.

	Orba did not return to the palace this night and requested the supervisor of the camp to sleep in the same room as the slaves.		Orba did not return to the palace this night and requested the supervisor of the camp to sleep in the same room as the slaves.

Detalz at 03:42, 8 January 2014

2014-01-08T03:42:15Z

Cthaeh at 03:12, 7 January 2014

2014-01-07T03:12:18Z

Show changes

Detalz at 01:36, 7 January 2014

2014-01-07T01:36:31Z

Show changes

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:40, 16 January 2014
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	:*Lol, it's not a problem to me. Just keep in mind that I may choose not to get back to the revisions until after I finish a chapter. Let loose on your edits. Alternative wordings/phrasings, choices in speech that you feel might better reflect a character/scenario, or might better suit a boy/girl etc, condensing certain sentences, etc. Don't worry too much about ending up altering sentence structures in your edits. If you overstep your bounds, I'll tell you. Thanks as always, and for catching those edits I always seem to skip over.....P.S. If you ever want to do edits a different way, I don't mind as well. I'm a bit confused why you haven't registered yourself as an editor for this series and To Aru Majutsu, considering the sheer workload you've committed...If you want, I could add you in there. Or is it that you prefer to remain unnamed? --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)		:*Lol, it's not a problem to me. Just keep in mind that I may choose not to get back to the revisions until after I finish a chapter. Let loose on your edits. Alternative wordings/phrasings, choices in speech that you feel might better reflect a character/scenario, or might better suit a boy/girl etc, condensing certain sentences, etc. Don't worry too much about ending up altering sentence structures in your edits. If you overstep your bounds, I'll tell you. Thanks as always, and for catching those edits I always seem to skip over.....P.S. If you ever want to do edits a different way, I don't mind as well. I'm a bit confused why you haven't registered yourself as an editor for this series and To Aru Majutsu, considering the sheer workload you've committed...If you want, I could add you in there. Or is it that you prefer to remain unnamed? --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)
	::*I'd also like to ask a question about part 3 for this chapter, where Orba tells Pashir to "Shut up." on the 8th line from the last. This response feels like it's missing something. Would use of an exclamation be better? Or maybe a more vulgar version? "Shut your trap." "Shut your trap!", "Shut your gob" "Shut the fuck up", "Shut your filthy mouth."...Play around with the commas and exclamations. I'm not sure which to use, since it is an outburst, but it's also somewhat contained. You may edit it yourself, if you feel you can fix it without further consultation. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)		::*I'd also like to ask a question about part 3 for this chapter, where Orba tells Pashir to "Shut up." on the 8th line from the last. This response feels like it's missing something. Would use of an exclamation be better? Or maybe a more vulgar version? "Shut your trap." "Shut your trap!", "Shut your gob" "Shut the fuck up", "Shut your filthy mouth."...Play around with the commas and exclamations. I'm not sure which to use, since it is an outburst, but it's also somewhat contained. You may edit it yourself, if you feel you can fix it without further consultation. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)
	::*For me, “shut your trap” or “shut your ~~mouth”~~ are a little weaker or less vulgar than just plain “shut up”. The ones that I find most exclamation-like are “Shut up!” or “Shut the fuck up!” depending on the kind of language you want to use. In an attempt to add an idea, I’d say “Shut up you bastard!” would be somewhere in between those two. However, I’m one of the last people you should ask about vulgarities, and I don’t think I’m any more confident on my exclamation creativity than you, so I won’t make a choice myself. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)		::*For me, “shut your trap” or “shut your gob” are a little weaker or less vulgar than just plain “shut up”. The ones that I find most exclamation-like are “Shut up!” or “Shut the fuck up!” depending on the kind of language you want to use. In an attempt to add an idea, I’d say “Shut up you bastard!” would be somewhere in between those two. However, I’m one of the last people you should ask about vulgarities, and I don’t think I’m any more confident on my exclamation creativity than you, so I won’t make a choice myself. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)
	:*From a reader’s perspective, I have a slight preference to wait until the chapter is complete. But it wouldn’t be much different for me to read/edit partwise if that helped you more. It sounds like it doesn’t matter to you much either way. The reason I haven’t added my name to the list is mainly due to apathy. If you think it would be useful or appropriate, then you can add my name. I just never thought there was enough value to justify the extra revision to the page. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)		:*From a reader’s perspective, I have a slight preference to wait until the chapter is complete. But it wouldn’t be much different for me to read/edit partwise if that helped you more. It sounds like it doesn’t matter to you much either way. The reason I haven’t added my name to the list is mainly due to apathy. If you think it would be useful or appropriate, then you can add my name. I just never thought there was enough value to justify the extra revision to the page. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:39, 16 January 2014
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	:*Lol, it's not a problem to me. Just keep in mind that I may choose not to get back to the revisions until after I finish a chapter. Let loose on your edits. Alternative wordings/phrasings, choices in speech that you feel might better reflect a character/scenario, or might better suit a boy/girl etc, condensing certain sentences, etc. Don't worry too much about ending up altering sentence structures in your edits. If you overstep your bounds, I'll tell you. Thanks as always, and for catching those edits I always seem to skip over.....P.S. If you ever want to do edits a different way, I don't mind as well. I'm a bit confused why you haven't registered yourself as an editor for this series and To Aru Majutsu, considering the sheer workload you've committed...If you want, I could add you in there. Or is it that you prefer to remain unnamed? --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)		:*Lol, it's not a problem to me. Just keep in mind that I may choose not to get back to the revisions until after I finish a chapter. Let loose on your edits. Alternative wordings/phrasings, choices in speech that you feel might better reflect a character/scenario, or might better suit a boy/girl etc, condensing certain sentences, etc. Don't worry too much about ending up altering sentence structures in your edits. If you overstep your bounds, I'll tell you. Thanks as always, and for catching those edits I always seem to skip over.....P.S. If you ever want to do edits a different way, I don't mind as well. I'm a bit confused why you haven't registered yourself as an editor for this series and To Aru Majutsu, considering the sheer workload you've committed...If you want, I could add you in there. Or is it that you prefer to remain unnamed? --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)
	::*I'd also like to ask a question about part 3 for this chapter, where Orba tells Pashir to "Shut up." on the 8th line from the last. This response feels like it's missing something. Would use of an exclamation be better? Or maybe a more vulgar version? "Shut your trap." "Shut your trap!", "Shut your gob" "Shut the fuck up", "Shut your filthy mouth."...Play around with the commas and exclamations. I'm not sure which to use, since it is an outburst, but it's also somewhat contained. You may edit it yourself, if you feel you can fix it without further consultation. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)		::*I'd also like to ask a question about part 3 for this chapter, where Orba tells Pashir to "Shut up." on the 8th line from the last. This response feels like it's missing something. Would use of an exclamation be better? Or maybe a more vulgar version? "Shut your trap." "Shut your trap!", "Shut your gob" "Shut the fuck up", "Shut your filthy mouth."...Play around with the commas and exclamations. I'm not sure which to use, since it is an outburst, but it's also somewhat contained. You may edit it yourself, if you feel you can fix it without further consultation. --[[User:Detalz\|Detalz]] ([[User talk:Detalz\|talk]]) 19:43, 15 January 2014 (CST)
			::*For me, “shut your trap” or “shut your mouth” are a little weaker or less vulgar than just plain “shut up”. The ones that I find most exclamation-like are “Shut up!” or “Shut the fuck up!” depending on the kind of language you want to use. In an attempt to add an idea, I’d say “Shut up you bastard!” would be somewhere in between those two. However, I’m one of the last people you should ask about vulgarities, and I don’t think I’m any more confident on my exclamation creativity than you, so I won’t make a choice myself. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)
			:*From a reader’s perspective, I have a slight preference to wait until the chapter is complete. But it wouldn’t be much different for me to read/edit partwise if that helped you more. It sounds like it doesn’t matter to you much either way. The reason I haven’t added my name to the list is mainly due to apathy. If you think it would be useful or appropriate, then you can add my name. I just never thought there was enough value to justify the extra revision to the page. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:39, 15 January 2014 (CST)

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:42, 8 January 2014
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	:*A simple sentence break should do the trick here. I'll keep note in the future to further modify these run-ons to an acceptable English equivalent. Changed to "...Tauran fortress cities. After this, Simon brought up Zaat's name seemingly by chance." Or would 'Simon seemingly brought up Zaat's name by chance' work better?		:*A simple sentence break should do the trick here. I'll keep note in the future to further modify these run-ons to an acceptable English equivalent. Changed to "...Tauran fortress cities. After this, Simon brought up Zaat's name seemingly by chance." Or would 'Simon seemingly brought up Zaat's name by chance' work better?
	::*I like the first a little better.		::*I like the first a little better.
			:*Ok.

	“After that, the house arrest was immediately called off. His majesty was flaring up at the time, but I myself did not take it to heart. That is why I was free of ease.		“After that, the house arrest was immediately called off. His majesty was flaring up at the time, but I myself did not take it to heart. That is why I was free of ease.
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	:*Strangely, this setting implied that they played one game, and ''before'' they finished, he stood up. That's why a few lines later, Oubary said "Let us continue this some other time."		:*Strangely, this setting implied that they played one game, and ''before'' they finished, he stood up. That's why a few lines later, Oubary said "Let us continue this some other time."
	::*I guess "played" implies to me that they finished their game (completed the 'play' action). I would probably personally word it as "and were playing a single bout" in that case.		::*I guess "played" implies to me that they finished their game (completed the 'play' action). I would probably personally word it as "and were playing a single bout" in that case.
			:::*.....How did I not notice that. Corrected(Ok, I'll do it tomorrow. Probably.)

	Ever since the wedding between Prince Gil and Princess Vileena had been decided, relations between Garbera and Ende approached a state of tension.		Ever since the wedding between Prince Gil and Princess Vileena had been decided, relations between Garbera and Ende approached a state of tension.
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	::*I find it strange that the sentence represents what I see as two different concepts. #1 there were rumors despite him appearing two times; and #2 the rumors arose because he appeared only two times. In one case the two appearance are expected to be a force against the the rumors (but ineffective), in the other they are a source of the rumors. While those aren't inherently exclusive, I find it strange to combine them into a single sentence. I'll put down the following revision. It's probably too large of a change, but it may help confer my thoughts or give you ideas. I like it best without the ending bit in parenthesis, but if I were forced to put both concepts #1 and #2 in, then that's how I'd do it (so that they're very separate).		::*I find it strange that the sentence represents what I see as two different concepts. #1 there were rumors despite him appearing two times; and #2 the rumors arose because he appeared only two times. In one case the two appearance are expected to be a force against the the rumors (but ineffective), in the other they are a source of the rumors. While those aren't inherently exclusive, I find it strange to combine them into a single sentence. I'll put down the following revision. It's probably too large of a change, but it may help confer my thoughts or give you ideas. I like it best without the ending bit in parenthesis, but if I were forced to put both concepts #1 and #2 in, then that's how I'd do it (so that they're very separate).
	::::Because he had only appeared in public before the citizens a mere two times in the past year, there were even rumours that he had been poisoned to death( despite those two appearances).		::::Because he had only appeared in public before the citizens a mere two times in the past year, there were even rumours that he had been poisoned to death( despite those two appearances).
			::::*Sorry, my explanation led to a misunderstanding. The grand duke only appearing those two times was insufficient to act as a deterrent for the rumours(which I misleadingly described as 'spurring on' the rumours). The dots connecting these two points indicate contrast rather than correlation, so I will be rewording it to "Despite his public appearances before the public if not only a measly two times in the past year, there existed rumours that he might even have been poisoned to death." Though looking at the other proposed sentences, they're all starting to look the same.

	and Eric profused in the arts of war		and Eric profused in the arts of war
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	(After Zaat had read the letter from Noue) // ''That cursed Noue. I cannot stomach that man.'' // '''Zaat had mentioned before that a couple of days ago,''' Guhl Mephius secretly met with a messenger from Ende. It was held in absolute secrecy, but Noue had in some way, through his informational network, grasped the contents of that meeting.		(After Zaat had read the letter from Noue) // ''That cursed Noue. I cannot stomach that man.'' // '''Zaat had mentioned before that a couple of days ago,''' Guhl Mephius secretly met with a messenger from Ende. It was held in absolute secrecy, but Noue had in some way, through his informational network, grasped the contents of that meeting.
	*I’m a bit confused on the bolded portion. When it says Zaat ‘had mentioned before’, is that referring to a conversation Zaat had with another character? Or is a strange style of referring to previous monologue or narration (from Zaat’s perspective)? If it’s the former, then my only suggestion is to move ‘a couple of days ago’ to the end of the sentence and remove the comma. If it’s the latter, then I’ll come back with more discussion or suggestions.		*I’m a bit confused on the bolded portion. When it says Zaat ‘had mentioned before’, is that referring to a conversation Zaat had with another character? Or is a strange style of referring to previous monologue or narration (from Zaat’s perspective)? If it’s the former, then my only suggestion is to move ‘a couple of days ago’ to the end of the sentence and remove the comma. If it’s the latter, then I’ll come back with more discussion or suggestions.
	:*Zaat had mentioned it to Fedom in Chapter 1. Changed to		:*Zaat had mentioned it to Fedom in Chapter 1. Changed to "Zaat had mentioned it a couple of days ago,"
	"Zaat had mentioned it a couple of days ago,"

	That, and the matter of Ryucown’s attempted assassination of the royal family, could also well possibly be brought up and Vileena be made to return to her country.		That, and the matter of Ryucown’s attempted assassination of the royal family, could also well possibly be brought up and Vileena be made to return to her country.
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	Waiting in the horse wagon Zaat Quark faced were the group of soldiers under his command—leaders of the Blue Archery Division.		Waiting in the horse wagon Zaat Quark faced were the group of soldiers under his command—leaders of the Blue Archery Division.
	*The way I read this sentence was that Zaat Quark was facing a horse wagon, and the horse wagon contained a group of soldiers. That seemed a little strange, is that correct? Also, I typically think of a ‘wagon’ as low class or for transporting freight. If he is traveling in it, I would more commonly picture a ‘horse-drawn carriage’ (or you’ve used ‘horse carriage’ elsewhere). But I don’t actually know if that’s right here.		*The way I read this sentence was that Zaat Quark was facing a horse wagon, and the horse wagon contained a group of soldiers. That seemed a little strange, is that correct? Also, I typically think of a ‘wagon’ as low class or for transporting freight. If he is traveling in it, I would more commonly picture a ‘horse-drawn carriage’ (or you’ve used ‘horse carriage’ elsewhere). But I don’t actually know if that’s right here.
	:*So that was what was missing....I always though horse carriage was somewhat lacking. Horse-drawn carriage it is.Thanks.		:*So that was what was missing....I always though horse carriage was somewhat lacking. Horse-drawn carriage it is. Thanks.
	::*So I should change any other instances of 'horse carriage' that I notice in the future to 'horse-drawn carriage'?		::*So I should change any other instances of 'horse carriage' that I notice in the future to 'horse-drawn carriage'?
			:::*Sure, why not. I don't think I'll have any trouble typing that out myself in future translations though.

	Since shortly before, he had relayed the signal that pressed them to ready themselves.		Since shortly before, he had relayed the signal that pressed them to ready themselves.
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	:*It refers to a morning routine, except it covers a slightly longer span of time until near noon. Here's my definition: the things a person goes about in a typical morning day		:*It refers to a morning routine, except it covers a slightly longer span of time until near noon. Here's my definition: the things a person goes about in a typical morning day
	::*I guess I typically think of a 'bout' as a match, or an short exchange as in a fight. Maybe just different word association.		::*I guess I typically think of a 'bout' as a match, or an short exchange as in a fight. Maybe just different word association.
			:::*Yea, bout has several different meanings. It's meaning here refers to 'an interval of time', but I'm sure you already looked it up by now.

	The former prince Gil might have refrained from speaking himself out.		The former prince Gil might have refrained from speaking himself out.
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	:*Er, you meant 'proceeded for' ''didn't'' fit very well? The verb used here meant "as they were making their way towards', 'as they were heading towards', 'as they were in the process of advancing towards', with a end destination in mind. Though the nuance seems to imply they were going there to siege the fortress, I don't think there's a need to deliberately word it out. Take your pick(out of yours or mine)! They all sound the same to me lol.		:*Er, you meant 'proceeded for' ''didn't'' fit very well? The verb used here meant "as they were making their way towards', 'as they were heading towards', 'as they were in the process of advancing towards', with a end destination in mind. Though the nuance seems to imply they were going there to siege the fortress, I don't think there's a need to deliberately word it out. Take your pick(out of yours or mine)! They all sound the same to me lol.
	::*(Yes about the "didn't"). Can I tweak one of yours and say "as they were advancing towards".		::*(Yes about the "didn't"). Can I tweak one of yours and say "as they were advancing towards".
			:::*Ok, I'll be using that then.

	Having exceeded his emotional threshold, Orba angrily ran rampant with his words. <nowiki><!--This sentence might have to be simplified a bit since it might ruin the mood--></nowiki>		Having exceeded his emotional threshold, Orba angrily ran rampant with his words. <nowiki><!--This sentence might have to be simplified a bit since it might ruin the mood--></nowiki>
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	:*Er, I think you understood carnal fervour wrong(or I just chose the wrong words here). Carnal fervour is supposed to mean 'a strong desire to see bloodshed'. I suppose it could use some rewording.		:*Er, I think you understood carnal fervour wrong(or I just chose the wrong words here). Carnal fervour is supposed to mean 'a strong desire to see bloodshed'. I suppose it could use some rewording.
	::*OK, I guess carnal can just mean bodily, but it very often refers to bodily in the sexual sense. 'desire for bloodshed' or similar seems better to me.		::*OK, I guess carnal can just mean bodily, but it very often refers to bodily in the sexual sense. 'desire for bloodshed' or similar seems better to me.
			:::*I meant to use carnal to refer to an 'insatiable appetite(for blood)' and was unaware that it was commonly used to refer to sexual activities. Thus, I propose two alternatives: 1) 'carnal fervour for blood' for clarification, or 2) 'murderous frenzy'. If you think either works, I'll go with 'desire for bloodshed' but I personally think it looks ugly.

	He had not spared her a single glance and left her there when he saved her from the dragon, and to add insult, he offered his hand to that foreign princess of all things, when she was one step away from striking her a blow that would humiliate her beyond redemption.		He had not spared her a single glance and left her there when he saved her from the dragon, and to add insult, he offered his hand to that foreign princess of all things, when she was one step away from striking her a blow that would humiliate her beyond redemption.
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	:*Lol. Anime. CaM. And yes, a 'two for one' is a 'two versus one'		:*Lol. Anime. CaM. And yes, a 'two for one' is a 'two versus one'
	::*Shhh... The 'al' key is right next to the 'e' key on my keyboard; it's a custom one.		::*Shhh... The 'al' key is right next to the 'e' key on my keyboard; it's a custom one.
			:::*How interesting...ly suspicious. If you don't mind me asking, what was it that made you want to customize your keyboard? It seems like a pain to relearn all the keys' positions.

	Orba did not return to the palace this night and requested the supervisor of the camp to sleep in the same room as the slaves.		Orba did not return to the palace this night and requested the supervisor of the camp to sleep in the same room as the slaves.