Talk:Rakuin no Monshou:Volume2 Chapter7 - Revision history

Cthaeh at 00:31, 27 March 2014

2014-03-27T00:31:39Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:31, 27 March 2014
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	*It seemed like it should be "Whose deed is this?" or keeping 'on', something like "On whose command is this?"		*It seemed like it should be "Whose deed is this?" or keeping 'on', something like "On whose command is this?"
	:*Well, I don't really have my way with words, but the raws used a word that could be translated as 'deed' or 'doing' here. It's different from command/order in this context, in that it implies this was done out of the soldier's own will, but that they were lead by someone. The 'on' adds on the difference in questioning not only the people present, and suspecting related outsiders.		:*Well, I don't really have my way with words, but the raws used a word that could be translated as 'deed' or 'doing' here. It's different from command/order in this context, in that it implies this was done out of the soldier's own will, but that they were lead by someone. The 'on' adds on the difference in questioning not only the people present, and suspecting related outsiders.
			::*I guess for me the "on" just seems out of place, though it obviously doesn't mean it's that way for everyone.

	He was dissatisfied with the emperor from the beginning and pretended to be a loyal retainer that would one day do this.		He was dissatisfied with the emperor from the beginning and pretended to be a loyal retainer that would one day do this.
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	*I normally don't like splitting up things into individual lines, but in this case I'd open the idea of splitting off the third sentence to it's own line. Or alternatively, merging the first two sentences like "... circumstances, even as the ... open fire?" The reason is that I think the first two sentences are supposed to be connected. But when I read through the first time I associated the second sentence with the third, and was confused how the two related. Then again, this kind of suggestions is based on my personal reading experience, so I'm not sure how necessary it is.		*I normally don't like splitting up things into individual lines, but in this case I'd open the idea of splitting off the third sentence to it's own line. Or alternatively, merging the first two sentences like "... circumstances, even as the ... open fire?" The reason is that I think the first two sentences are supposed to be connected. But when I read through the first time I associated the second sentence with the third, and was confused how the two related. Then again, this kind of suggestions is based on my personal reading experience, so I'm not sure how necessary it is.
	:*I was a bit lost on how I should word this too. It's better to connect it with the first sentence. Changed to: "Why was it that even at times like these, even as the roar of the wind whooshed past them and the airships they ''passed'' continued to open fire, they could give priority to their own circumstances?" As a side note, do you have an alternative way of expressing the highlighted 'pass'? It's bad style to use the same verb twice in a sentence.		:*I was a bit lost on how I should word this too. It's better to connect it with the first sentence. Changed to: "Why was it that even at times like these, even as the roar of the wind whooshed past them and the airships they ''passed'' continued to open fire, they could give priority to their own circumstances?" As a side note, do you have an alternative way of expressing the highlighted 'pass'? It's bad style to use the same verb twice in a sentence.
			::*Possible replacements for the passed (I wouldn't say any are perfect): left behind, overtook, outpaced. I think you could also resolve by replacing the first instance with "wind whooshed by them" or similar.

	“The life granted unto by His Majesty, is it? Or could it possibly be from Lord Simon? That man speaks his true mind too much. Be that as it may, I would never have imagined you would see even up to the slave’s rebellion—”		“The life granted unto by His Majesty, is it? Or could it possibly be from Lord Simon? That man speaks his true mind too much. Be that as it may, I would never have imagined you would see even up to the slave’s rebellion—”
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	*"Back to man's hand" seemed a little strange. Something like "back to a sane man's hand" would be a little more natural, I think. Then again, perhaps the current wording is referring to the fact that the emperor is considered a union between the dragon god and man, and therefore the current situation doesn't count as being in "man's hand"?		*"Back to man's hand" seemed a little strange. Something like "back to a sane man's hand" would be a little more natural, I think. Then again, perhaps the current wording is referring to the fact that the emperor is considered a union between the dragon god and man, and therefore the current situation doesn't count as being in "man's hand"?
	:*'Man's hand' was my old version of 'the people's hand.' Can be changed if you think it's better. It's more of 'stop the emperor from ruling the entire empire himself.'		:*'Man's hand' was my old version of 'the people's hand.' Can be changed if you think it's better. It's more of 'stop the emperor from ruling the entire empire himself.'
			::*I do think "the people's hand" is clearer.

	But he was a prince who sometimes took bold incentives with ingenuity that riled his foes.		But he was a prince who sometimes took bold incentives with ingenuity that riled his foes.

Detalz at 04:19, 25 March 2014

2014-03-25T04:19:45Z

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Cthaeh: suggested revisions

2014-03-24T03:22:23Z

suggested revisions

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 I made most of my edits to chapter 7, but haven't done the comments yet, so those will follow in a week or so. After that, the only other thing that could be done is the Eng version of the color illustrations, if you wanted to. In this chapter, I made a terminology related change of Colyne to Klein based on the spelling used previously, since he didn't have an entry on the terminology page. Some names I noticed weren't on the terminology page: Odyne Lorgo, Klein Isphan, and Gary Lynwood.  Though it may simply be the case that all of the names won't make it onto that page since there are so many in the story.  --[[User:Cthaeh|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh|talk]]) 20:03, 16 March 2014 (CDT)
 :*Yep, thanks for the time to make the edits as always. I'm a crappy proofreader(especially when checking my own writing), so I really appreciate it. And the British spell check as well =). As for the terms, yea I decided to change some of them, but have already integrated the changes throughout the volume. I'll add them at a later date. As for Volume Illustrations...they're not important. *Ahem*(wait until Dohma bashes my translations first)*cough*.
 And that was a good volume. I wasn't intending to edit this chapter today, but couldn't stop reading after finishing chapter 6.  Thanks for translating, and for putting extra effort in on the quality (both by yourself and when dredging through my walls of text).  --[[User:Cthaeh|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh|talk]]) 20:03, 16 March 2014 (CDT)

Detalz at 02:00, 18 March 2014

2014-03-18T02:00:57Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:00, 18 March 2014
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	I made most of my edits to chapter 7, but haven't done the comments yet, so those will follow in a week or so. After that, the only other thing that could be done is the Eng version of the color illustrations, if you wanted to. In this chapter, I made a terminology related change of Colyne to Klein based on the spelling used previously, since he didn't have an entry on the terminology page. Some names I noticed weren't on the terminology page: Odyne Lorgo, Klein Isphan, and Gary Lynwood. Though it may simply be the case that all of the names won't make it onto that page since there are so many in the story. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:03, 16 March 2014 (CDT)		I made most of my edits to chapter 7, but haven't done the comments yet, so those will follow in a week or so. After that, the only other thing that could be done is the Eng version of the color illustrations, if you wanted to. In this chapter, I made a terminology related change of Colyne to Klein based on the spelling used previously, since he didn't have an entry on the terminology page. Some names I noticed weren't on the terminology page: Odyne Lorgo, Klein Isphan, and Gary Lynwood. Though it may simply be the case that all of the names won't make it onto that page since there are so many in the story. --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:03, 16 March 2014 (CDT)
			:Yep, thanks for the time to make the edits as always. I'm a crappy proofreader(especially when checking my own writing), so I really appreciate it. And the British spell check as well =). As for the terms, yea I decided to change some of them, but have already integrated the changes throughout the volume. I'll add them at a later date. As for Volume Illustrations...they're not important. Ahem(wait until Dohma bashes my translations first)cough*.

	And that was a good volume. I wasn't intending to edit this chapter today, but couldn't stop reading after finishing chapter 6. Thanks for translating, and for putting extra effort in on the quality (both by yourself and when dredging through my walls of text). --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:03, 16 March 2014 (CDT)		And that was a good volume. I wasn't intending to edit this chapter today, but couldn't stop reading after finishing chapter 6. Thanks for translating, and for putting extra effort in on the quality (both by yourself and when dredging through my walls of text). --[[User:Cthaeh\|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh\|talk]]) 20:03, 16 March 2014 (CDT)

Cthaeh: ty

2014-03-17T01:03:31Z

New page

I made most of my edits to chapter 7, but haven't done the comments yet, so those will follow in a week or so. After that, the only other thing that could be done is the Eng version of the color illustrations, if you wanted to. In this chapter, I made a terminology related change of Colyne to Klein based on the spelling used previously, since he didn't have an entry on the terminology page. Some names I noticed weren't on the terminology page: Odyne Lorgo, Klein Isphan, and Gary Lynwood. Though it may simply be the case that all of the names won't make it onto that page since there are so many in the story. --[[User:Cthaeh|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh|talk]]) 20:03, 16 March 2014 (CDT)

And that was a good volume. I wasn't intending to edit this chapter today, but couldn't stop reading after finishing chapter 6. Thanks for translating, and for putting extra effort in on the quality (both by yourself and when dredging through my walls of text). --[[User:Cthaeh|Cthaeh]] ([[User talk:Cthaeh|talk]]) 20:03, 16 March 2014 (CDT)