Tsukumodo:Volume 2 Silence - Revision history

Frogwitch: Fixed typos

2021-12-27T11:54:06Z

Fixed typos

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:54, 27 December 2021
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	"Shut up already!!" the shopowner roared.		"Shut up already!!" the shopowner roared.

	Towako ~~Setsusu~~'s roar resounded through the building, but was drowned out by an even greater noise from outside, causing her roar <!-- does author use the same verb twice? I would change it to 'utterance' or something similar the second time. -ss --><!-- In the original it's a sentence construction that can't be adopted 1:1, so feel free to change it. -EEE -->to lose most of its impact.		Towako Settsu's roar resounded through the building, but was drowned out by an even greater noise from outside, causing her roar <!-- does author use the same verb twice? I would change it to 'utterance' or something similar the second time. -ss --><!-- In the original it's a sentence construction that can't be adopted 1:1, so feel free to change it. -EEE -->to lose most of its impact.

	Usually, her appearance was characterized by clear-cut eyebrows, self-confident eyes, and lustrous black hair that hung straight down to her waist. Today, however, her brows were wrinkled, her eyes were narrowed in a displeased fashion and her hair was a mess because she had been constantly mussing it up.		Usually, her appearance was characterized by clear-cut eyebrows, self-confident eyes, and lustrous black hair that hung straight down to her waist. Today, however, her brows were wrinkled, her eyes were narrowed in a displeased fashion and her hair was a mess because she had been constantly mussing it up.
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	Her pale hair reached the middle of her back and shone silver in the light, and her complexion was clear and pale. She was clad entirely in black: a frilly black shirt, long black skirt and black boots.		Her pale hair reached the middle of her back and shone silver in the light, and her complexion was clear and pale. She was clad entirely in black: a frilly black shirt, long black skirt and black boots.

	She was about a head shorter than I (an average male student), and so slender that she seemed she could be broken by a single embrace. She was sixteen and thus a year younger than I. She did look her age, but because of her demeanor, she seemed a little more mature. A smile as radiant as a blooming flower (as suggested by the meaning of her name) utterly failed to adorn her face; instead, she was completely expressionless as if to refute the saying "nomen est omen."<ref>Literally "Name is omen." Implies that a name is fitting for an object or person. Saki's name is written as 舞野咲, which can be translated as "Blossom of the dancing field." Also see [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nominative_determinism Nominative determinism]</ref>		She was about a head shorter than I (an average male student), and so slender that she seemed she could be broken by a single embrace. She was sixteen and thus a year younger than I. She did look her age, but because of her demeanor, she seemed a little more mature. A smile as radiant as a blooming flower (as suggested by the meaning of her name) utterly failed to adorn her face; instead, she was completely expressionless as if to refute the saying "nomen est omen."<ref>Literally "Name is omen." Implies that a name is fitting for an object or person. Saki's name is written as 舞野咲, which can be translated as "Blossom of the dancing field." Also see [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nominative_determinism Nominative determinism].</ref>

	That said, even Saki appeared a bit annoyed today.		That said, even Saki appeared a bit annoyed today.
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	"Eh?"		"Eh?"

	"Do yourself a favor and refrain from using it too often. I ''am'' loaning it to you of necessity, but that's all. This item is beyond your ability."<!--bit awk. ability...to master?open_item--grrarr-->		"Do yourself a favor and refrain from using it too often. I ''am'' loaning it to you out of necessity, but that's all. This item is beyond your ability."<!--bit awk. ability...to master?open_item--grrarr-->

	With those words, she left the room.		With those words, she left the room.
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	The next morning.		The next morning.

	In the end, we had ~~come~~ away empty-handed on the first day and badly needed to find a clue today.		In the end, we had gone away empty-handed on the first day and badly needed to find a clue today.

	When I left the room that I had been given, I was greeted by one hell of a noise.		When I left the room that I had been given, I was greeted by one hell of a noise.
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	"Yes."		"Yes."

	"She was my very first fan." He put down the newspaper and gazed into the distance. "My father, you see, frowned on my ~~even~~ composing music as a pastime—telling me that I should use that time for studying. Thus, the mansion staff <!--my correction (implicitly) excludes non-staff - say, other family members - who might also have been spying on him...but I figure that's ok?-grrarr-->were constantly observing me and reported to him when they saw me composing. Mei, however, was the only one who didn't join in. Why, she even liked my music and asked me to play for her! She would even stand up for me when I had an argument with my father, and when I made the decision to move out, she insisted on following me because she feared that I couldn't do my own housework. I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for her," he said and added jokingly, "although I never told her that."		"She was my very first fan." He put down the newspaper and gazed into the distance. "My father, you see, even frowned on my composing music as a pastime—telling me that I should use that time for studying. Thus, the mansion staff <!--my correction (implicitly) excludes non-staff - say, other family members - who might also have been spying on him...but I figure that's ok?-grrarr-->were constantly observing me and reported to him when they saw me composing. Mei, however, was the only one who didn't join in. Why, she even liked my music and asked me to play for her! She would even stand up for me when I had an argument with my father, and when I made the decision to move out, she insisted on following me because she feared that I couldn't do my own housework. I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for her," he said and added jokingly, "although I never told her that."

	He quickly changed the subject. "By the way, where's Settsu-san?"		He quickly changed the subject. "By the way, where's Settsu-san?"
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	"I-I'm joking! Of course I'll give it back to you when you leave!"		"I-I'm joking! Of course I'll give it back to you when you leave!"

	"Of course you do. Once again, I have no intention whatsoever to let go of that mirror. But I do intend to go home tomorrow. Get your piece done by then."		"Of course you will. Once again, I have no intention whatsoever to let go of that mirror. But I do intend to go home tomorrow. Get your piece done by then."

	"I understand. I'm going downstairs for another round!"		"I understand. I'm going downstairs for another round!"
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	"Eh?"		"Eh?"

	"Um, you see, I was wondering what the living space of a music composer looks like. Maybe like a room in one of those trendy designer residences<ref>A type of apartment building that places more value on design than usability.</ref>?<!-- So a room in a trendy, modernist, overly stylized condo, where all the furniture looks cool but feels like torture devices... -grrarr --> Maybe there'll be eccentric designs all over the walls and doors?"<!--liberal edit open_item-grrarr-->		"Um, you see, I was wondering what the living space of a music composer looks like. Maybe like a room in one of those trendy designer residences?<ref>A type of apartment building that places more value on design than usability.</ref><!-- So a room in a trendy, modernist, overly stylized condo, where all the furniture looks cool but feels like torture devices... -grrarr --> Maybe there'll be eccentric designs all over the walls and doors?"<!--liberal edit open_item-grrarr-->

	"I wouldn't say it's anything special, though... Ah, perhaps you read that recently published interview," Mei-san interjected. "He only did that thing one time, long ago!"<!--"thing" isn't great, but it's a casual convo - I'm adding it to avoid grammatical ambiguity w/"that" being something else - eg, interview--grrarr-->		"I wouldn't say it's anything special, though... Ah, perhaps you read that recently published interview," Mei-san interjected. "He only did that thing one time, long ago!"<!--"thing" isn't great, but it's a casual convo - I'm adding it to avoid grammatical ambiguity w/"that" being something else - eg, interview--grrarr-->
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	"Do harm? To me?"		"Do harm? To me?"

	"'To <u>me</u>'? Is that what I said? But suit yourself. I'm not going repeat myself. If you really overheard it,<!--EEE: can you clarify?open_item-grrarr--> you shall live to regret it. I'm no fortune-teller, really, but this development was utterly predictable."		"'To <u>me</u>'? Is that what I said? But suit yourself. I'm not going to repeat myself. If you really overheard it,<!--EEE: can you clarify?open_item-grrarr--> you shall live to regret it. I'm no fortune-teller, really, but this development was utterly predictable."

	Towako-san turned around and left the room. Saki followed suit, but I didn't know whether to leave as well or not.		Towako-san turned around and left the room. Saki followed suit, but I didn't know whether to leave as well or not.
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	She came to and took a CD out of her pocket. It goes without saying that it was my composition.		She came to and took a CD out of her pocket. It goes without saying that it was my composition.

	I had ordered Mei to filch the CD under some pretext and cut a hole in the bag. Of course there had ~~been~~ never been any need to deliver the CD. I could have just sent the file via e-mail.		I had ordered Mei to filch the CD under some pretext and cut a hole in the bag. Of course there had never been any need to deliver the CD. I could have just sent the file via e-mail.

	The entire delivery had been a scam I'd arranged to obtain the "Mirror of Serenity."		The entire delivery had been a scam I'd arranged to obtain the "Mirror of Serenity."
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	It was then that I remembered.		It was then that I remembered.

	Finally, after ~~all~~ so long, I remembered.		Finally, after so long, I remembered.

	I recalled the circumstances of my first slump, which occurred shortly after I had left home.		I recalled the circumstances of my first slump, which occurred shortly after I had left home.

EusthEnoptEron at 18:24, 18 September 2014

2014-09-18T18:24:34Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:24, 18 September 2014
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	"As I said, something curious..."		"As I said, something curious..."

	"You don't want 'something'. You want 'a thing'."<!-- I really want to change this to "You don't want 'something'. You want 'some thing'." EEE, is this closer or further away from the source text? -s_s -->		"You don't want 'something.' You want 'some thing.'"<!-- I really want to change this to "You don't want 'something'. You want 'some thing'." EEE, is this closer or further away from the source text? -s_s -->

	"Huh?"		"Huh?"

	"If you want ~~'something'~~, you will walk away empty-handed. ~~It must~~ be a specific ~~thing that you want~~."		"If you don't know what you want, you will always walk away empty-handed. You ought to be specific."

	Perhaps she was teasing me with word play, or perhaps she had seen through my intention of not buying anything and wanted to chase me out. I was already feeling fairly irritable, so even this slight provocation managed to annoy me.		Perhaps she was teasing me with word play, or perhaps she had seen through my intention of not buying anything and wanted to chase me out. I was already feeling fairly irritable, so even this slight provocation managed to annoy me.
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	She gave me a slightly troubled glance. I was ashamed of acting so childish. I should have named some article she was likely to have or just left.		She gave me a slightly troubled glance. I was ashamed of acting so childish. I should have named some article she was likely to have or just left.

	"~~Sorry -~~ I'm afraid that's not ~~available~~ here."		"I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid that you will not find it here."

	"Certainly. I'm sorry, ~~t..~~."		"Certainly. I'm sorry, too. You wouldn't—"

	"~~It is in~~ our 'sister shop'!"		"You will have to go to our sister shop."

	I doubted my ears—but was angry an instant later.		I doubted my ears—but was angry an instant later.
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	It hadn't ''become unhearable''; rather, it had ''vanished''. In addition, all the other sounds around me — the people and traffic outside, the television in the living room, and so on —had also vanished.		It hadn't ''become unhearable''; rather, it had ''vanished''. In addition, all the other sounds around me — the people and traffic outside, the television in the living room, and so on —had also vanished.

	"~~<span style="color: white">What's going on?</span>~~"		"                     "

	I ''tried'' to ask, ''What's going on?'' but my voice could not be heard.		I ''tried'' to ask, ''What's going on?'' but my voice could not be heard.
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	...the sound of a fist.		...the sound of a fist.

	In truth, I wanted to defend ~~myself-to~~ tell her that I couldn't hear her ~~either-but~~ the pain whirling around my head kept me from saying anything for a few moments.		In truth, I wanted to defend myself—to tell her that I couldn't hear her either—but the pain whirling around my head kept me from saying anything for a few moments.

	"...That thing really shuts out all sound, huh?"		"...That thing really shuts out all sound, huh?"

	"That's what I've been telling you. ~~Any sound vanishes from~~ the ~~region it reflects. The~~ sounds from outside are ~~completely~~ deflected, and ~~no sound~~ can be produced ~~within the area of reflection~~. In short, it creates a zone of complete silence."		"That's what I've been telling you. Everything that is reflected in this mirror turns entirely soundless; the sounds from outside the reflected area are deflected and the sounds from inside can't be produced to begin with. In short, it creates a zone of complete silence."

	"But you can't do anything in such a place!"		"But you can't do anything in such a place!"
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	"But... it seems to be rather urgent..."		"But... it seems to be rather urgent..."

	"I said later!"		"I said later!" I yelled as I slammed the door shut with deliberate vigor, only to end up getting annoyed at the noise I produced.

	I ~~deliberately~~ slammed the door shut~~. Even that sound resounded in my ears~~.

	I was craving complete silence.		I was craving complete silence.

EusthEnoptEron at 16:16, 1 September 2014

2014-09-01T16:16:35Z

Idiffer at 12:57, 20 June 2014

2014-06-20T12:57:27Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:57, 20 June 2014
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	"It was her fate. You couldn't do anything about it," Towako-san said in response to her death.		"It was her fate. You couldn't do anything about it," Towako-san said in response to her death.

	I don't know if she being honest, or if she was just trying to make me feel better.		I don't know if she was being honest, or if she was just trying to make me feel better.

	It may sound naïve, but if that was fate, then I wanted to change it.		It may sound naïve, but if that was fate, then I wanted to change it.

WorldCon: 'discomfit" is an uncommon word.

2014-05-23T01:33:51Z

'discomfit" is an uncommon word.

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:33, 23 May 2014
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	Depending on your purpose, your preference might change.		Depending on your purpose, your preference might change.

	But even if it suits your purpose, a place that is ''too'' silent will ~~discomfit~~ you and a place that is ''too'' lively will annoy you.		But even if it suits your purpose, a place that is ''too'' silent will make you uneasy and a place that is ''too'' lively will annoy you.

	Be it silence or liveliness, it's all a matter of degree.		Be it silence or liveliness, it's all a matter of degree.

Senile seinen at 19:03, 31 December 2012

2012-12-31T19:03:34Z

Senile seinen at 17:30, 31 December 2012

2012-12-31T17:30:01Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:30, 31 December 2012
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	"As I said, something curious..."		"As I said, something curious..."

	"You don't want 'something'. You want 'a thing'."		"You don't want 'something'. You want 'a thing'."<!-- I really want to change this to "You don't want 'something'. You want 'some thing'." EEE, is this closer or further away from the source text? -s_s -->

	"Huh?"		"Huh?"

EusthEnoptEron at 13:42, 7 December 2012

2012-12-07T13:42:09Z

Show changes

EusthEnoptEron at 00:47, 26 November 2012

2012-11-26T00:47:14Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:47, 26 November 2012
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	But she didn't even smile.		But she didn't even smile.

	"What's with that gloomy face? Didn't you agree with me that if I owned it, the mirror would be in better hands?		"What's with that gloomy face? Didn't you agree with me that if I owned it, the mirror would be in better hands?"

	"...Yes."		"...Yes."

EusthEnoptEron at 00:45, 26 November 2012

2012-11-26T00:45:59Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:45, 26 November 2012
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	"That's not what I mean. I meant to ask what you've been doing down here alone, but as I see that you are making excuses, I suppose you did that intentionally?" <!-- good edit. I formalized the usage some more because Saki is displeased. I'm going to knock off here with edits of edits for tonight -ss -->		"That's not what I mean. I meant to ask what you've been doing down here alone, but as I see that you are making excuses, I suppose you did that intentionally?" <!-- good edit. I formalized the usage some more because Saki is displeased. I'm going to knock off here with edits of edits for tonight -ss -->

	""E-Excuse me, Maino-san. I didn't mean to cling to your boyfriend! It was an accident, so please don't get angry with him!"		"E-Excuse me, Maino-san. I didn't mean to cling to your boyfriend! It was an accident, so please don't get angry with him!"

	After falling silent for a while, Saki replied without changing her expression by saying "he's not my boyfriend."		After falling silent for a while, Saki replied without changing her expression by saying "he's not my boyfriend."

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:16, 1 September 2014
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	After I opened my eyes, I saw someone in the periphery of my vision<!--I’d use corner of my eye, but “eyes” appears right before that in this sentence. Feel free to rework-grr-->, causing me to fall from my chair in surprise.		After I opened my eyes, I saw someone in the periphery of my vision<!--I’d use corner of my eye, but “eyes” appears right before that in this sentence. Feel free to rework-grr-->, causing me to fall from my chair in surprise.

	It was ~~Setsutsu~~-san. I hadn't noticed her entrance at all.		It was Settsu-san. I hadn't noticed her entrance at all.

	She approached the mirror and quietly turned it over.		She approached the mirror and quietly turned it over.
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	I had almost given up. Had I not learned about the Mirror of Serenity by chance, I would have given up. I could only think of the mirror as a gift from above.		I had almost given up. Had I not learned about the Mirror of Serenity by chance, I would have given up. I could only think of the mirror as a gift from above.

	Without looking at me, ~~Setsutsu~~-san asked "What's your first impression of the mirror?" At the same time, she was tracing the border of the face-down mirror with her finger.		Without looking at me, Settsu-san asked "What's your first impression of the mirror?" At the same time, she was tracing the border of the face-down mirror with her finger.

	"It's fantastic! I can't believe it's possible to shut out useless noise to such an extent.<!--bit awk still-grrarr--> If I have this mirror, I can dive smoothly into my world of sound."		"It's fantastic! I can't believe it's possible to shut out useless noise to such an extent.<!--bit awk still-grrarr--> If I have this mirror, I can dive smoothly into my world of sound."
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	"I see. In other words, if I had locked the door and you hadn't been able to enter, I may have pulled an all-nighter without even noticing?"		"I see. In other words, if I had locked the door and you hadn't been able to enter, I may have pulled an all-nighter without even noticing?"

	~~Setsutsu~~-san smirked at my joke, but it wasn't at all a favorable smile.		Settsu-san smirked at my joke, but it wasn't at all a favorable smile.

	"I do hope it wouldn't get graver than that."		"I do hope it wouldn't get graver than that."
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	"She was my very first fan." He put down the newspaper and gazed into the distance. "My father, you see, frowned on my even composing music as a pastime—telling me that I should use that time for studying. Thus, the mansion staff <!--my correction (implicitly) excludes non-staff - say, other family members - who might also have been spying on him...but I figure that's ok?-grrarr-->were constantly observing me and reported to him when they saw me composing. Mei, however, was the only one who didn't join in. Why, she even liked my music and asked me to play for her! She would even stand up for me when I had an argument with my father, and when I made the decision to move out, she insisted on following me because she feared that I couldn't do my own housework. I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for her," he said and added jokingly, "although I never told her that."		"She was my very first fan." He put down the newspaper and gazed into the distance. "My father, you see, frowned on my even composing music as a pastime—telling me that I should use that time for studying. Thus, the mansion staff <!--my correction (implicitly) excludes non-staff - say, other family members - who might also have been spying on him...but I figure that's ok?-grrarr-->were constantly observing me and reported to him when they saw me composing. Mei, however, was the only one who didn't join in. Why, she even liked my music and asked me to play for her! She would even stand up for me when I had an argument with my father, and when I made the decision to move out, she insisted on following me because she feared that I couldn't do my own housework. I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for her," he said and added jokingly, "although I never told her that."

	He quickly changed the subject. "By the way, where's ~~Setsutsu~~-san?"		He quickly changed the subject. "By the way, where's Settsu-san?"

	"Still asleep, I guess? She's not a morning person."		"Still asleep, I guess? She's not a morning person."
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	Without a doubt, that mirror was responsible for my remarkable progress.		Without a doubt, that mirror was responsible for my remarkable progress.

	However, ~~Setsutsu~~-san planned on retrieving the mirror once I was done.<!-- slight reword perhaps? he's already done, but she doesn't know that. He's deliberately misleading her in this instance. -grrarr-->		However, Settsu-san planned on retrieving the mirror once I was done.<!-- slight reword perhaps? he's already done, but she doesn't know that. He's deliberately misleading her in this instance. -grrarr-->

	I knew all too well that the mirror wasn't mine. I had merely borrowed it from the staff of that antique store.		I knew all too well that the mirror wasn't mine. I had merely borrowed it from the staff of that antique store.
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	How could I become the rightful owner of that mirror?		How could I become the rightful owner of that mirror?

	How could I open ~~Setsutsu~~-san's <!--EEE: is this right?-grr-->eyes?		How could I open Settsu-san's <!--EEE: is this right?-grr-->eyes?

	Just... how?		Just... how?
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	We turned toward the voice that came from the entrance. It was Towako-san, followed by Saki and Mei-san, who was trying to stop them.<!--contextually clear, but grammatically ambiguous -grrarr-->		We turned toward the voice that came from the entrance. It was Towako-san, followed by Saki and Mei-san, who was trying to stop them.<!--contextually clear, but grammatically ambiguous -grrarr-->

	"~~Setsutsu~~-san, listen, he lost..."		"Settsu-san, listen, he lost..."

	"Stop right there. I'm not here to listen to your cheap cock-and-bull story." She walked to my side and poked me in the head. "Jeez, don't be such a sap."		"Stop right there. I'm not here to listen to your cheap cock-and-bull story." She walked to my side and poked me in the head. "Jeez, don't be such a sap."
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	''Because this mirror is going to hurt both of you—''		''Because this mirror is going to hurt both of you—''

	I recalled ~~Setsutsu~~-san's words.		I recalled Settsu-san's words.

	I had not understood their meaning. I had only thought of myself.		I had not understood their meaning. I had only thought of myself.

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:03, 31 December 2012
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	"Welcome," someone said to me.		"Welcome," someone said to me.

	Behind the counter sat a charming woman clad in black. She looked a little younger than I did, but her languorous air gave her a somewhat mature and mysterious aura.		Behind the counter sat a charming woman clad in black. She looked a little younger than I did, but her languorous air gave her a somewhat mature and mysterious aura.<!-- for my edification in order to get her 'voice' right - this is Saki, isn't it? -s_s -->

	"Are you looking for something specific?"		"Are you looking for something specific?"
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	"It can be mine if I go to that sister shop? Then please, by all means, tell me where it is. ''If'' I can really find complete silence there, that is."		"It can be mine if I go to that sister shop? Then please, by all means, tell me where it is. ''If'' I can really find complete silence there, that is."

	"A Relic that can create a room of complete silence by warding off all sound...That is, the Mirror of Serenity."		"A Relic that can create a room of complete silence by warding off all sound...That is...the Mirror of Serenity."

	"Relic? The Mirror of Serenity?"		"Relic? The Mirror of Serenity?"

	"~~Mind you,~~ by 'Relic' I don't mean antiques or objects of art. 'Relic' is the word we use for tools with special capabilities created by mighty ancients or magicians, or for objects that have absorbed their owner's grudge or natural spiritual powers."		"Note that by 'Relic' I don't mean antiques or art objects <!-- if she says 'objets d'art' then we'll just insert that here -->. 'Relic' is the word we use for tools with special capabilities created by mighty ancients or magicians, or for objects that have absorbed their owner's grudge or natural spiritual powers."

	"A relic is something like a stone that brings ill luck, or a cursed voodoo doll or a triple mirror that shows how you are going to die. You've probably heard of many of them, and the Mirror of Serenity is one. But we don't currently have it here!"		"A relic is something like a stone that brings ill luck, or a cursed voodoo doll or a triple mirror that shows how you are going to die. You've probably heard of many of them, and the Mirror of Serenity is one. But we don't currently have it here!"
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	"You said it can be had in your sister shop, right?"		"You said it can be had in your sister shop, right?"

	My heart was pounding in my chest~~<!--ss, might I also suggest "pounding?" -grrarr--><!-- sure. EEE: pick one -ss -->~~, and at that moment, I felt ~~as if~~ the loudest sound in the world was the beating of my own heart.		My heart was pounding in my chest, and at that moment, I felt that the loudest sound in the world was the beating of my own heart.

	"If I go there, will I get my hands on the Mirror of Serenity?"		"If I go there, will I get my hands on the Mirror of Serenity?"