Seitokai no Ichizon: Volume 1 Chapter 3

“People grow through meeting and arguing with others!”

As always Kaichou puffed out her tiny chest and confidently stated some line she had gotten out of some book.

“What do you mean?”

I didn’t know what she was getting at so I asked. Squeek, squeek, Kaichou wrote today’s agenda on the white board and hit it shouting “This!”.

“Hmm… a radio broadcast?”

That was what was written on the board, but as it was still a little hard to understand all I could do was cock my head.

I looked to the side to see Chizuru-senpai and the Shiina sisters looking lost as well.

Kaichou puffed out her chest and continued to speak.

“Yes! We’re going to do a broadcast from the council room right now!”

“Ra-radio…”

The weak and shy Mafuyu-chan seemed to get a bad vibe and asked in a frightened tone.

“Hmm, you mean a radio broadcast? As in one where there’s music and talks…..”

“Yes, that radio.”

“…..Well, but, hmm…. Why are we doing it here? Mafuyu thinks that that’s something that the broadcasting club should do….”

Mafuyu-chan, you’re right. Everyone else thinks that too. But there just one, just one person with no common sense here.

“What are you saying! A student body council is a governing body! We have to do radio speeches like presidents from time to time!”

“Oh my, you know things like radio speeches. Aka-chan, yes, that’s good, good girl.”

Chizuru-senpai stroked Kaichou’s head as if she were treating a small child. Kaichou closed her eyes happily but shouted “Ah!” as she came back to her senses and pushed Chizuru-senpai’s hand away shouting “Ugaa!”

“I know things like radio speeches! Don’t treat me like a kid!”

“You’re right. Sorry Aka-chan.”

“Ju-just don’t forget.”

“Hmm, now I think about it, the quiz program yesterday had ‘radio speeches’ as its theme….. no, its nothing.”

“……..A-anyway! Radio speech!”

It seems that my guess was right. She must have watched the quiz program and people motivated.

But if Kaichou thinks of something, she never listens to anyone else. Minatsu let out a sigh next to me.

“Well, you’ll do it if we complain or not… but why radio? Isn’t it better to do it with a screen?”

“I thought that too but when I rushed into the broadcast club they said ‘This is all we can lend you right now…..’ while crying. So radio.”

As she said that Kaichou got everything ready. I don’t know if she made the broadcast club do it but it seemed that all the wires and things had already been prepared. Kaichou put a mic in front of each one of us.

….. poor broadcast club.

“E-everything is already set up….”

Mafuyu-chan became despondent. Hmm, well she never liked ‘sticking out’, poor girl.

Nobody was all that into it but just gave themselves up to the flow. Kaichou was the only one who was brimming full of energy and started talking.

“There’s a lot of radios that do voice actors. Even if a bunch of pretty girls come on and talk everyone’s so happy that they don’t’ know what to do.”

“Kaichou, are you looking down on the MC, voice actors, and the listeners?”

I threw a tsukomi. But Kaichou was still going ahead with it.

“If we just talk with cute voices all those stupid guys will come over to us.”

“Apologize! Apologize to all the males besides me right now!”

“Sugisaki really does come over… well, if five of us talk there’s no danger of there being any pauses, it’s fine, it’s fine. We can just talk like we always do.”

“Even if you say that…”

“Ah, Sugisaki shouldn’t talk much. Your existence isn’t good for the broadcast.”

“No way!”

Well, it’s not as if I don’t understand. If I act as I always do and say perverted things it’s sort of dangerous. Not that I’m going to stay quiet.

As we argued back and forth the preparations were complete. A laptop was running in the room, and it seemed that it was recording us. In other words this isn’t a live broadcast but a recorded one. That’s a relief. We can fix things up if anything bad happens.

Mafuyu-chan didn’t look too happy but it seemed as if she’d given up. She tapped the mic with an unmotivated expression.

Chizuru-senpai on the other hand coughed slightly going “Ahem” and was checking the state of her voice. Since she’d decided to do it, it seemed that she was going to do it properly. It was very like her.

Minatsu had her arms crossed and was relaxing on the chair. Not too surprising, she was always talking as the center of attention in class. There’s no way she’d get nervous with something like a school broadcast.

“Well, we’re starting!”

Kaichou shouted and pressed a bunch of switches.

Whew, well nothing for it. If we’re doing it, might as well give it a shot.

ON AIR

Kaichou: "Sakurano Kurimu's! ALL NIGHT ANY WHERE ANY TIME BROADCAST!"

Sugisaki: "What a wide broadcasting range!"

~OPENING BGM~

Kaichou: "Let's begin. Sakurano Kurimu's ALL NIGHT ANY WHERE ANY TIME BROADCAST."

Chizuru: "It's not really being broadcast at night."

Kaichou: "This program is solely brought to you by the Fujimi Fantasia Bunko."

Minatsu: "What is wrong with Fujimi Fantasia Bunko......This investment is such a waste of money......"

Kaichou: "Though they're the sole sponsor, but they don't have to do anything since they're not paying us any money to be on air, and since all the equipment and broadcast overhead costs are zero."

Mafuyu: "Then why are they the sponsors......"

Kaichou: "It sounds nicer like this. Hmm, we really do sound like a real radio programme right now."

Mafuyu: "......Hmm. Whatever makes you happy."

Kaichou: "Hey, Mafuyu-chan! You have to be more enthusiastic! What the audience desires is the lively conversation of teenage girls!"

Mafuyu: "Is, Is that so......"

Kaichou: "Yes. That's true with all male listeners."

Sugisaki: "Hey hey hey hey! Why must you belittle our audience in such a way? Are you trying to pick a fight with the student population?"

Kaichou: "There will only be an audience if there's a radio host."

Sugisaki: "Shouldn't it be the other way round!"

Minatsu: "Oh oh, Ken made an extremely correct point! That's great! That's the power of live radio broadcasts!"

Kaichou: "......You're right. Sugisaki, I made a mistake."

Sugisaki: "It's good that you've admitted your mistake, so......"

Kaichou: "That's right. But it'll still be to our benefit to exude some form of feminine charm. Mm, I am so mature."

Sugisaki: "I say, you can't say such things on air!"

Kaichou: "On to the 'letters from listeners' segment!"

Sugisaki: "You dare ignore me?! We're having a radio broadcast and you reject having an exchange of verbal communication?!"

Chizuru: "This is Aka-chan's style."

Sugisaki: "Why do you only speak at such moments! Show more leadership!"

Chizuru: ".................."

Sugisaki: "Don't keep quiet during a radio broadcast!"

Kaichou: "Alright, for our first letter."

Sugisaki: "So you place emphasis on the continuation of the show and not on constructive discussion!"

Kaichou: " 'Good eebening~, members of the student council!' Mm, Good eebening~!"

Sugisaki: "Eh? What's with that embarrassing greeting!? Is that the norm!?

Female student council members: "Good eebening!"

Sugisaki: "Is this some kind of telepathic network that I'm not part off?!"

Kaichou: " 'I've always been a listener of ALL NIGHT ANY TIME' Thank you for your support."

Sugisaki: "It's a lie! This is our first broadcast!"

Kaichou: "The right chronology of time is merely a small blip on our radar, Sugisaki. It's always been like that on this show."

Sugisaki: "No wonder it's called 'ANY TIME'!"

Kaichou: "Oh, and I forgot to mention that this is a live broadcast. But there shouldn't be a lot of people tuning in right now, so we'll broadcast this again tomorrow during the lunch break."

Sugisaki: "No wonder there are letters coming in! Please pay attention to the first letter!"

Kaichou: "Yes, yes. I shall now continue to read the letter. 'Umm, I have a question for everyone, would you be happy to receive a confession of love? I'm in love right now, but I don't know how to confess my feelings. Kuri-neechan, please give me some suggestions' "

Sugisaki: "You've been referred to as 'Kuri-neechan' even though you're a loli!"

Kaichou: "About your question.....It sure isn't an easy one. But coming from the extremely experienced Sakurano Kurimu---"

Sugisaki: "Even though she's never even held hands with a guy before......"

Kaichou: "I think that a normal confession would do."

Sugisaki: "She made an extremely patronising suggestion-----!"

Kaichou: "Chizuru, what do you think?"

Chizuru: "About this......just do whatever you feel like doing. It's none of my business."

Sugisaki: "What an inhumane radio host!"

Kaichou: "Mafuyu-chan, what about you?"

Mafuyu: "Eh? Erm, about this......Hmm......Mafuyu......Doesn't know what to do."

Sugisaki: "She actually said that she 'doesn't know what to do'!"

Kaichou: "Minatsu?"

Minatsu: "Sacrifice yourself even if you don't succeed!" (Chinese/Japanese saying. Basically means to sacrifice one's life in order to achieve a noble purpose, even if one doesn't succeed.)

Sugisaki: "Please be more sensitive to the feelings of our audience!"

Kaichou: "On to our next letter. 'Your sister is in my hands. If you want her back, then you'll have to wire money to the bank account written below------'......Hmm? Huh? This letter isn't addressed to our radio show. Hey, background crew, concentrate on your work!......Well, on we go to the next letter."

Sugisaki: "You just ignored it? Do you seriously think that you can just ignore the contents of that letter?"

Kaichou: "Good evening, members of the student council' Good evening!"

Female student council members: "Good evening!"

Sugisaki: "I say, why is it that this is the only thing that everyone does in perfect synchronization?! When did you guys discuss this?!"

Kaichou: " 'Kiri-neechan. What should I do, I urgently need money......This is because my sister's been kidnapped, my parents are already trying to raise money, but it's still extremely hard......What should I do.' "

Sugisaki: "What a tragedy! You should have contacted the police if you had the time to write this letter! And this letter is obviously related to the previous one!"

Kaichou: "Hmm......Right, I know what to do. The Fujimi Fantasia Bunko will send the 'ransom' to the writer of this letter, 'family of the victim'! Please wait patiently."

Sugisaki: "Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!? You're preparing the ransom! And you even promised the ransom without consulting our sponsors! Would this be alright!"

Kaichou: "Everything depends on what Fujimi Fantasia Bunko decides to do."

Sugisaki: "Why do you have that smug look on your face!"

Kaichou: "Alright, it's time for a song break. Please enjoy this new single that I recently recorded, <<Your sister's not coming back>>."

Sugisaki: "Be more sensitive to the situation---------------------!"

♪ <Your sister’s not coming back> Full version play ♪

Kaichou: “The song you just heard was the hit single <Your sister’s not coming back>. We hope you’ll enjoy their debut single <Your brother is just a pile of bones>~”

Sugisaki: “What sort of a messed up past do you have?!”

Kaichou: “Well then this time it’s the regular sketch the Shiina sister’s <Sisters Yuriyuri♪>”

Sugisaki: “....... ….. Th-that I sort of want to listen to.”

Mafuyu: “Senpai!? Please go against this properly!”

Minatsu: “Yeah! I’ve never heard of this before!”

Kaichou: “This corner is the popular corner where the Shiina sisters act out an embarrassing yuri scene that our listeners have sent~”

Sugisaki: “So it’s set as a popular corner…. Not that I’m anyone to say but is it okay for our students to be like this?”

Kaichou: “I don’t like it… but, right, come one, come on. If you do this the listeners should be happy.”

Sugisaki: “I told you not to say things like that on air!”

Kaichou: “Minatsu and Mafuyu-chan, it’s all on you! Here, the script.”

Mafuyu: “Uu, uuu… do we really have to?”

Minastu: “Uwa, what is this! You expect us to read this!?”

Kaichou: “Hey, Minatsu! Don’t run away! You have to do this to be a true vice president!”

Sugisaki: “I don’t think it has anything to do with being a vice president…..”

Minatsu: “…Then I have no choice”

Sugisaki: “Why are you nodding!?”

Mufuyu: “Mafuyu… is ready too.”

Sugisaki: “Why!?”

Chizuru: “Huu…. Yes, you two are really the Shiina sisters.”

Sugisaki: “Why are you just talking like you just remembered about this in such a weird spot senpai!?”

Kaichou: “Then let’s go~”

♪ Mellow BGM ♪

“Mafuyu…. I, can’t…..”

“Aah, Nee-san….. uun! Ha, haa….”

“Mafuyu… so pretty. Mafuyu….”

“Nee…..san….. Uuun!”

Sugisaki: “Waitwaitwaitwaaait! Personally I’m enjoying this but it’s not at a level where we can broadcast in the school!”

Kaichou: “Y-yeah… you’re right. This was a little too much.”

Mafuyu: “Eeeeehhhhh!? After you made us do this much!”

Minatsu: “That’s not right! If you guys react like that it’s really embarrassing!”

Chizuru: “…. The Shiina sister’s relationship isn’t fit to air. You two should go do this in a more private place.”

Minatsu: “Don’t say things that might create misunderstandings! We don’t do this in private!”

Mafuyu: “Y-yes! Please believe us listeners!”

Chizuru: “…. You’re right. Yes, that’s how we’ll have to say it here. I’m sorry for making such a rash statement you two.”

Shiina sisters: [STOP IIIIITTT!]

Kaichou: “Well, well the next corner! Sugisaki Ken’s <If you want to hit anyone hit me!>”

Sugisaki: “What sort of a corner is that!?”

Kaichou: “In this corner people who are so angry that they want to hit somebody can take out their anger on Sugisaki.”

Sugisaki: “How about my rights!?”

Kaichou: “It’s the responsibility of the student council to take care of fights between students. So if there’s a fight just contact Sugisaki, year 2 class B…..”

Sugisaki: “Doooooon’t!!!!”

Kaichou: “Well it can’t be helped… there doesn’t seem to be anybody who wants to either, we’ll pass this corner today.”

Sugisaki: “Why is my corner like this…..”

Kaichou: “Then my corner is next! <Fan letters to Sakurano Kurimu>!”

Sugisaki: “It’s outright discrimination! The difference between the corners is huge!”

Kaichou: “A letter from an anonymous listener. Ahem <Sakurano Kurimu-san, whenever I see your beautiful grace my heart always race…..>”

Sugisaki: “That’s a love letter, not a fan letter! Who is it! Who’s trying to lay hands on my girl! You’ve got some nerve! Come on! I’ll take you… aakk?”

Kaichou: “Wh-what are you saying!?”

Sugisaki: “Well there’s some guy sending love letters to my girl…”

Kaichou: “I’m not your girl! Don’t say stupid things while broadcasting!”

Sugisaki: “I’m sorry. I just lost it. But I’m not going to regret my actions.”

Kaichou: “Why are you so cocky?”

Sugisaki: “Uu… but please, don’t be too hard. I… a corner where people send letters to Kaichou makes me too jealous that I can’t stand it.”

Kaichou: “Uu….”

Minatsu: “…. I don’t really care but you two should stop playing and continue the program.”

Kaichou: “Wh-who was playing!? Stop saying stupid stuff Minatsu! Ah, now I feel all strange…. …. Well the next corner….”

Mafuyu: “Ah, after all that she decided not to read the letters like Sugisaki-senpai wanted.”

Kaichou: “Uuu…. A-anyway, next! <School 5ㆍ7ㆍ5>!”

Sugisaki: “It’s just a normal corner all of a sudden.”

Kaichou: “Yeah, I ran out of ideas.”

Sugisaki: “She just said it!”

Kaichou: “This corner is where we read fun and strange 5ㆍ7ㆍ5 poems with our school as the theme.”

Sugisaki: “It’s so normal that it feels dangerous.”

Kaichou: “Ahem, well let’s start. A 5ㆍ7ㆍ5 from anonymous.”

[Burn hot in hellfire

Up in flames and turn to ash

Sugisaki Ken]

Kaichou: “…. It’s a very good poem. I can almost see it.”

Sugisaki: “…..”

Kaichou: “Hmm? Hmm… Sugisaki? I know it’s strange for me to say this but aren’t you going to say something?”

Sugisaki: “No… ….. I’m sorry. I’m actually feeling a very real danger to my body, so I’m speechless.”

Kaichou: “Ah….”

Minatsu: “…..It’s gone a little over the line this time.”

Mafuyu: “Mafuyu is worried too.”

Chizuru: “Hmm, but Key-kun is in a situation like that. It’s bad enough that he’s in a place where the prettiest girls in the school are, but he’s saying things like he’ll ‘conquer’ us and make a ‘harem’… so, it’s all his fault?”

Sugisaki: “Uuu… ha! Do you think I care! This is my harem! If anyone has a problem I’ll meet them face to face! So!”

Kaichou: “So?”

Sugisaki: “Please don’t set me on fire. I don’t want to die.”

Kaichou: “…. Sugisaki is kneeling and crying on a radio broadcast….. well we’ll go on to the next one. This… is anonymous too. Ahem.”

[I don’t have money

So I just went anywhere

And kidnapped a kid]

Sugisaki: “It’s the culpriiiiiiiitttt!!!!”

Kaichou: “Hmm? What? What’s happening?”

Sugisaki: “No, I mean the kidnapping. More than that, the address! Is it on there!?”

Kaichou: “No, but there’s a post script saying ‘I asked for a whole 20,000 yen(200 US dollars). Yay!’”

Sugisaki: “20,000 Yen! It’s way too little for the price of the little sister of one of our students! Why can’t the parents prepare that much money!?”

Kaichou: “Why are you asking me. And Sugisaki, there are lots of people who aren’t well off.”

Sugisaki: “Tha-that’s right but! … well it feels like this case is not really a big deal.”

Kaichou: “I knew that since the beginning. Well, let’s just go on with the radio.”

Sugisaki: “…. The kidnapping feels like it’ll get solved during the recording, I mean broadcast.”

Kaichou: “Well this is the last 5ㆍ7ㆍ5. Ahem.”

[The student council

Please do your work properly

We’re tired of you guys]

Sugisaki: “It’s a realistic reaction of the studeeeeents!!!”

Kaichou: “There’re so mean.”

Sugisaki: “No… I know I’m not in a position to say this, but I can see what they mean.”

Minatsu: “Yeah, me too.”

Mafuyu: “Mafuyu understands as well.”

Kaichou: “What! We’re doing our work properly!”

Chizuru: “And we do a lot that we shouldn’t be doing.”

Kaichou: “I don’t like this! This corner finish!”

Sugisaki: “I’m telling you that you have to fix that attitude!”

Kaichou: “Well then… should we go over to free talk now?”

Sugisaki: “It was pretty much free talk already….”

Minatsue: “Oh, Kaichou. I think we got a mail.”

Kaichou: “Hmm? What is it? What is it?”

Mafuyu: “Hmm… well it says [That kidnapping thing about my sister, it’s all been dealt with]. Everything’s okay!”

Sugisaki: “Oh, it’s all over. That’s a relief.”

Chizuru: “….che.”

Sugisaki: “Chizuru-senpai, we all just heard to tut very loudly.”

Chizuru: “What could you be talking about?”

Sugisaki: “It’s amazing how you lie even while we’re recording&broadcasting!”

Chizuru: “But it really got solved very easily. What sort of person was the kidnapper?”

Mafuyu: “Hmm…. It’s hard to know, but it seems that the little sister took care of the kidnapper. The culprit is in critical condition.”

Sugisaki: “Culprit who only asked for 20,000 yeeeeen!!!!”

Mafuyu: “The little sister was just playing with the kidnapper. But she just heard this broadcast and realized that she was being held ransom so she beat the kidnapper up……”

Sugisaki: “It’s because of us!?”

Minatsu: “I wonder why he only asked for 20,000…..”

Mafuyu: “Hmm, and on the mail, hmm, the kidnapper said [I just wanted to pay back the 20,000 that I borrowed from this kid’s sister…… argh!] and collapsed.”

Sugisaki: “What the hell is thaaaaat!! Is the source of evil the older sister! The listener!”

Mafuyu: “The end of the mail from the listener says [Evil will always fail! Ahahaha!]”

Sugisaki: “The listeners of this broadcast aren’t normal!”

Minatsu: “Hey, it all ended well right?”

Sugisaki: “… after this is done I’m going to pay the culprit a visit. I hope he’s okay….”

Kaichou: “A-ahem! Hmm…. There were a lot of things that happened but it’s time to finish this program.”

Sugisaki: “Whew, at last… there were too many things despite it being short….”

Kaichou: “And to end we’ll have [Chizuru’s horoscope for the day]. Well then everyone, until next week.”

♪ Mysterious BGM ♪

Chizuru: “Chizuru’s horoscope for the day. To the Leos in our school. You’ll be involved in something that feels like it’ll be from a [Believe it or not] show. If you see the producers for [believe it or not] please run away as fast as you can.

Your lucky color is <the color of death>. It could be black, red, etc, I’ll leave that to your imagination.

Your lucky item is the <Nuke>. If you always carry it around that’s even better. If you’re Metal Gear that might be possible.

And one last word of advice.

Don’t die.

And that was Chizuru’s horoscope for the day.”

Sugisaki: “That’s scary! All the Leos in the school are going to be shaking with fear the whole day!”

Chizuru: “We’ll see you next week. …. Except the Leos.”

Sugisaki: “Leooooooooo!!!”

♪ Ending theme <Your brother is just a pile of bones> ♪

“Today’s broadcast was really popular!”

It was afterschool on the day that we broadcasted the recording, and Kaichou was looking extremely pleased with herself in the council room. Chizuru senpai was smiling as well.

But the Shiina sisters and I were all stretched out on the desk.

I asked Minatsu quietly so that Kaichou couldn’t hear.

“(Hey, Minatsu… did it seem popular?)”

“(No, the kids eating dropped their chopsticks and said they didn’t feel hungry anymore.)”

“(Why does Kaichou think it’s popular?)”

“(Maybe their class pretended to like it because they were worried about Kaichou and Chizuru-senpai.)”

“(Ah, could be…)”

As we were making sense of the situation, Kaichou looked our way. We both froze.

“How about your class you two? Everyone liked it, right!?”

“Ahh….”

How could we tell the truth to such innocence. Minatsu looked the other way. I smiled a little awkwardly.

“Y-yes… it was really popular.”

“Right!”

God no. It’ll be a problem if she gets overconfident.

“Yes, it was really popular. It was as popular as the job ‘accountant’ in an elementary school.”

“Is that really popular?”

Kaichou cocked her head. … Yes, it was a nice save. Minatsu said “Good job!” and congratulated me.

But Kaichou turned her attention to Mafuyu.

“It was popular in Mafuyu-chan’s class too right?”

“Eh.”

Mufuyu tensed up. … Ah, was her class the same as ours.

Mufuyu-chan gave an extremely, extremely awkward smile and answered.

“Y-yes. It was. It was as popular as ‘upside-down Buzzy Beetles’ in Super M○rio Bros.”

“Is that really popular!?”

Mafuyu-chan evaded the question nice(?)ly. ….. she didn’t lie. No we didn’t lie.

But Kaichou was saying ‘Of course, of course!’ and seemed pleased. …. This didn’t look good… we might…

“Then we’ll have to do another one!”

[……..]

Everyone except Kaichou –even Chizuru-senpai, let out a huge sigh. Chizuru-senpai must have had some fun but doing it two, three times must be a little hard for her too.

We all started a small discussion through eye contact.

(What do we do? Kaichou’s going to do it again.)

(It’s odd that Aka-chan is so bent on something. I thought she’d be happy with doing it once. The fact that our classmates politely pretended to like it has become a problem.)

(Hey, what are we gonna do…. I don’t want to do any more.)

(Mafuyu can’t do more either……)

Everyone was lost in thought. Kaichou excitedly started making plans by herself.

With nothing for it, I offered a compromise.

“Kaichou.”

“Hm? What, Sugisaki?”

“You know, don’t you think these sort of things are fun only if you do them time to time?”

“Hmm? What are you saying?”

“Well, even if we do another one it might be better to do it after a little time has passed….”

Kaichou thought about it. I glanced at everyone else in that short time and everyone put their thumbs up as an expression of ‘good!’. Kaichou is a person who goes along easily with trends. If enough time passes she’ll most probably just forget.

“You’re right! Our broadcasts rely on quality!”

“Y-yes.”

Although the quality was appallingly low.

“Okay Sugiskai! We’ll do the next one in…. a month!”

“Okay.”

And so, it was decided that we won’t be doing that dangerous broadcast for at least another month.

We’ll be safe for a week at….

“Then let’s make a promotional video for the student council! I’ve prepared all the stuff!”

A video camera appeared on the table with a thud.

…..

[What?]

At this unexpected surprise, we all froze.

Only Kaichou was smiling happily.

“This is going to be the real start~”

[…]

………………… [Nooooooooooooooo--------!!!]

We all go dragged into a huge catastrophe even though none of us were Leos.

Back to Chapter 2

Return to Seitokai no Ichizon

Forward to Chapter 4