Edit rollback, need translation check on Live A Live

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Smidge204
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Edit rollback, need translation check on Live A Live

Post by Smidge204 »

Someone recently changed a part of the translation for Live A Live. The IP address resolved to a *.jp domain so I'm fairly confident it was done by someone working from the original text.
Before wrote:Maybe. For those three third-year band members, Haruhi was like a saviour.

---

I mean what was Haruhi to the members of the SOS Brigade, the constant victims of Haruhi's ideas! Don't tell me you expect her to create "something good" from her ideas.
After wrote:Maybe. For those three third-year band members, coming across with her surely made the good result.

---

I mean what was Haruhi to the members of the SOS Brigade, who are most deeply involved in her! Can we expect "something good" by encountering with her?

Since it's the job of the editors to reduce "Engrish" I have rolled back the edit for now, but a second opinion would be nice. The difference doesn't appear to be significant, though... either way I think some grammar tweaking is in order.
=Smidge=
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an Engrish speaker
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Post by an Engrish speaker »

そうかもしれん。ハルヒとたまたま出くわしたことは、あの三年生バンドの人たちに
とっては確実にいい結果だったろう。

---

この学校で誰よりもハルヒに深入りしちまっているSOS団団員にとっては
どうなんだよ。あいつと出会ったことで、俺たちにもそれぞれ〝いい結果〟なんてのが
待っていたりしてくれてるのか?
This is the original Japanese text.
I think the author means: "Coming across with Haruhi, the three girl got 'something good.' Can we expect 'something good' ,who also met up with her and is closer to her ?"
My English may Engrish, but I hope you find out this informative. :D
the_naming_game
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Post by the_naming_game »

Here's my attempt at a translation, using "an Engrish speaker"'s hints.
I believe so. Accidentally meeting Haruhi, for that band of third-years, certainly had a positive outcome. (also note that it only says "third-years" -- no mention of three of them.)

What about the ones who are mixed up with Haruhi more than anyone else in this school, the SOS Dan members, huh? Because we met her, should we each also be expecting some some kind of "positive outcome"?
So there's definitely a need for that parallelism for Kyon to show his sarcasm.

Since I've only worked on reading, not writing Japanese, the following will definitely not go very well... corrections welcome.

an Engrish speaker:
ごめんなさい、私の日本語が下手ですが、頑張ります。私の英語を読めれば、それを読むの方がいい。
Sorry, my Japanese is not good, but I'll try my best. If you can read my English, it's better if you read that.

"an Engrish speaker"の校正してありがとう。自由にもっと校正してくさい。
"an Engrish speaker", thanks for your corrections. Please feel free to edit further.

baka-tsukiの英訳を読むのは英語を勉強するわけですか? だったら、私は逆なつもりです。日本の小説で日本語を勉強します。
Are you reading baka-tsuki's English translation in order to study English? If so, I'm doing the opposite. Studying Japanese using Japanese novels.

(edit: "私は逆なつもりです" used to be "私のつもりは逆です" ... I wonder if I'm making it worse...)
Baka-Tsuki, suki! Yuki, suki!
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Smidge204
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Post by Smidge204 »

Taking some hints from you two:

そうかもしれん is "Soukamoshiren" - Souka = 'is that so?' so I would guess this means something like: "So I guess that's how it is" (maybe?)

ハルヒ is Haruhi, of course.
たまたま is "accidentally"
出くわ is "happen to meet" or "come across"
三年生 is definately "third year student"
バンド is "Band" (Music group)
人たち is "people"
にとって is "as far as ... is concerned" or "regarding"
確実 is "certainty" or "reliability"
結果 is "consequence"
だったら is "if it's the case" (conjunction)

So I'll take a stab at it with my reverse-Engrish and translate it as follows:
I guess that's how it went. For those third-year band members, accidentally meeting Haruhi was certainly a good thing.
Second half:

学校 is "school"
で indicates location
誰 indicates a person or people
より is "from; out of; since; than; other than; more than"
ハルヒ is Haruhi
深入り is "deep into"
まって is "to wait"
SOS団団員 is "SOS Brigade members"
っては indicates "emotional closeness or annoyance with someone"
なんだ is "it is assured that ..." or "I can confidently say that ..."
Out of all the people in our school, I can confidently say that the SOS-Dan members are the ones most deeply involved with Haruhi.
There's one more part but I'm already exhausted doing this >.>
=Smidge=
the_naming_game
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Post by the_naming_game »

Here's where my break-down differs from yours:
そう /(adv) (1) so/really/seeming/(adj-na,suf) (2) (after masu stem and adj-stem) appearing that/seeming that/looking
like/having the appearance of/(P)/
かも知れない [かもしれない] /(exp) (uk) may/might/perhaps/may be/possibly/(P)/
So that's literally "sou [that's right] kamoshirenai [perhaps]" -- the "kamoshiren" is less formal, and sometimes rude, but I'm not really clear on the exact nuance ... I'm just spouting back what I heard somewhere.

に取って [にとって] /(exp) (uk) to/for/concerning/as far as ... is concerned/regarding/
深入り is "deep into" as you said, but used as a verb-suru
しちまって is a variation of してしまって meaning "doing unintentionally" -- this variation is supposedly "rough sounding"
( http://guidetojapanese.org/unintended.html )

Expressing this sense ... hm, well I tried to that by translating as "mixed up" but honestly, trying to cram all the meanings in a Japanese sentence into an English sentence, in an explicit way, ends up looking pretty Frankenstein.

(I tend to think of "しまった" as something like "shfilterssuckit, I screwed up" since it's literally "did something unintentionally")

Also, alc.co.jp example sentences for 結果 pretty much bear out that it definitely refers to a result, not a thing, which I believe would be 事 or perhaps 物? (I am starting to realize one has to speak/write in order to understand the subtleties of the language.)

By the way, your method of breaking down sentences reminds me of how I used to do it. (and still do, actually, except for the simpler ones, in my head, I just have "より" is "より" and "誰" is "誰" etc.) I think it's a pretty effective way of getting an initial feel for the language -- and for reasoning through when intuition breaks down. At least it kind of appeals to an analytical mind. Example sentences in parallel translation form, of course, are the holy grail. In combination, words do funny things...
Baka-Tsuki, suki! Yuki, suki!
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