Burakura / ブラクラ

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Do you wish to see this novel - 'Burakura' - transl-..er...written and hosted here?

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シローさん
Astral Realm

Burakura / ブラクラ

Post by シローさん »

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Hello folks. I've been working over the last couple of weeks pounding out the final concepts and story planning for my own original light novel. I know there's but a single original project here, so I hope to change that! :)

Title: Burakura / ブラクラ (from the 2ch term of the same name)
Author & Illustrations: yours truly (:
Story:
Spoiler! :
After failing his first year of university, Masao is sent to live with his uncle Eisaku- a relative he never met. A year later, Eisaku - who turns out to be a reclusive NEET - leaves Masao a note to tell him he was going out. Moments later, a knock at the door arises. Masao is greeted by a young, short-teal haired girl who pleads him for his help to fight 'invaders'. Believing it as a religious hoax, he slams the door shut in her face.

Later that night, he is approached by a man in front of a convinience store who takes a pill and turns into a gut wrenching creature. The teal haired girl appears, this time transforming into a 3rd of meter tall robot. After a short yet sweet fight, the girl introduces herself as Sesame.

Japanese government agents soon begin to poke around Eisaku's apartment, at which point Sesame reveals that Eisaku develops and deals a drug known as 'Beta' - which turns its user into a gut-wrenching creature known as a Browser. Sesame works for an agency that destroys the Browsers. She is known as a Crasher.

Between fighting off other Browsers, and competing with other Crashers, Masao and Sesame attempt to discover what Eisaku's motives are and where he disappeared to.
Preview: http://www.mediafire.com/?wwe54wriel9m56v
I took the liberty of uploading the prologue for you folks. I can upload more should you guys want to read more. I'll be the first to admit that chapters can be short, but there are plenty of them planned.

Oh and for those of you who don't want to download the pdf (and miss out on the cover art I designed ;_;...</3):
Spoiler! :
Even at night, when everybody seemed to wake up in that town, a young man simply walks alone.
People passed him as he kept his eyes glued to his mobile phone. Occasionally, he would look around to make sure he wasn’t lost. He would exchange glances with many people walking the street at night, nodding as they passed.

Whatever face this young man made – it was hard to put a name to it. It was a cross between apathetic and thinking too hard.

The reason for his seemingly puzzled look was that he was meeting a man he had never met before. He had no idea what hair colour he had, or what style his hair was. Maybe he was tall and thin, but he could be a little short and chubby too. The only thing he had to go on was a name, and the text messages they had exchanged.

「EISAKU IWASAKI」
>>There’s a restaurant named Roman beside the police station downtown.
>>We’ll meet there.

「ME」
>>Um…
>>How will I know it’s you?

From across the street, he noticed a bright green neon-lit sign that screamed ‘Roman’.

“This place seems kind of cheap…” he thought to himself as he crossed the street. The menu had been taped all over the restaurant’s front window. Next to each item were the English names written in red marker.

He immediately took interest in the menu, raising his eyes into the restaurant’s interior every so often. It wasn’t empty, but the staff didn’t seem to be terribly rushed either. His idea to pick out his best option from the older men sitting alone didn’t seem to work. As he got a better look into the restaurant, he had noticed there were about four or five old men sitting alone eating.

“Now that I think about it, he never mentioned if he had kids or a wife…” he said to himself.

With a deep sign, he pushed open the door and was immediately greeted by the young woman at the bar. He gave her a half-hearted smile, standing by the door and looking around the restaurant. The few people whom he made eye contact with immediately turned away.

After five minutes, he decided to sit at the bar.

“He probably didn’t even show up,” he thought, ordering a beer from the young woman.

The loud music – or rather, the very faint sound of loud music that resonated from headphones – started to bug him. To his left, a man in a dark grey pullover sweater and a pair of very light jeans had his head on the bar, either mumbling the words to the song he was listening to, or talking to himself.

As much as it annoyed him, he turned back to the drink he was given, without so much as a word.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about him,” the bartender – Kaede, as her nametag bore – mentioned, “His wife should be around any minute to take him home.”
Surely enough, by the time the young man had finished his beer, the man’s wife had come and helped him out of the restaurant.

“I don’t believe I’ve seen you around here before,” Kaede the bartender said to him, who just shrugged as he took a sip from his second drink, “Waiting on a hot date or something?”

“It’s nothing like that,” another drink finished. “Though I am waiting on someone I haven’t met before.”

“So, a blind date then?”

“Blind roommate, I guess,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m waiting on my uncle. His name’s… uh –”

He pulled out his cellphone, his uncle’s name escaping him.

“– Eisaku Iwasaki. ”

The middle age man sitting to his left said with his glass raised. He was pretty skinny, and his clothes definitely gave off the attempting to look youthful visage. But from his face, it was clear this man was in his 40s.

“Let’s give this our best from today on, Masao!”

Masao nodded, tapping his empty glass against Eisaku’s.
Last edited by シローさん on Fri Jun 17, 2011 9:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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TheGiftedMonkey
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Re: Burakura / ブラクラ

Post by TheGiftedMonkey »

Slight inconsistency in your spoiler. You use Teal when first describing her hair color, and then Cyan in another line.

Sounds interesting. If I get the time I'll browse through it. Good to see people getting into writing their own stuff. Just please try and steer clear of the super-cliche things. :P

As for hosting, that's up to the Wiki staff to decide. Good luck with your project. 8)
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ShadowZeroHeart
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Re: Burakura / ブラクラ

Post by ShadowZeroHeart »

There is actually more than one, but most died off almost instantly... Original novels i mean, u can try searching the threads out. That aside, the prologue hardly speaks of anything, nor is it attractive enough to keep readers tuned in.

Reading the prologue, I find it hard to comprehend the first line:
Even at night, when everybody seemed to wake up in that town, a young man simply walks alone.
Do you just mean early evening or something? Because at night, people would usually sleep, and not wake up? I can't understand this line.

Lastly, no offense, but its a personal question, you dont have to answer it if you dont wanna. but are you a Japanese or lives in Japan? Because if not, it might be easier to work with names and regions that you are more familiar with. You don't have to base it in Japan. I am saying this because your English seems quite good, so I am wondering if you are just borrowing the Japan context in the story. Because it is also possible to place the story somewhere you can imagine and understand more easily, and make it good still. Also helps to show your own unique characteristics in your story, giving it a more "original" feel.
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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シローさん
Astral Realm

Re: Burakura / ブラクラ

Post by シローさん »

ShadowZeroHeart wrote:Do you just mean early evening or something? Because at night, people would usually sleep, and not wake up? I can't understand this line.
Ah, yeah I should get the 1st chapter up to clarify that (will do after work tomorrow though ;_;). Masao makes a point about how the city he's in seems more alive during the night rather than during the day.
ShadowZeroHeart wrote:Lastly, no offense, but its a personal question, you dont have to answer it if you dont wanna. but are you a Japanese or lives in Japan? Because if not, it might be easier to work with names and regions that you are more familiar with. You don't have to base it in Japan. I am saying this because your English seems quite good, so I am wondering if you are just borrowing the Japan context in the story.
I visited Chiba for 2 weeks during the summer last year, so I'm basing a lot of the setting off that. Aside from that, I just felt the story would work better in Japan.
TheGiftedMonkey wrote:Slight inconsistency in your spoiler. You use Teal when first describing her hair color, and then Cyan in another line.
Ack, fixed. My bad, thanks! :D
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