Ore no Nounai Sentakushi ga, Gakuen Love Come o Zenryoku...

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Ore no Nounai Sentakushi ga, Gakuen Love Come o Zenryoku...

Postby UltimateOTL » Fri Apr 12, 2013 12:13 am

This is the feedback thread for Ore no Nounai Sentakushi ga, Gakuen Love Come o Zenryoku de Jama Shiteiru

Brief introductions, I'm a longtime lurker and amateur C>E translator which I do OTOT (own time own target). I wouldn't have done this normally but I came across this novel by chance and I found it pretty interesting. Shared it with a friend and he found it interesting too, so he requested me to translate it. So I figured since I'm doing it anyway, I might as well share it here at the same time. However, as I'm still an amateur at translating, there might be some parts I might screw up, so put up with me regarding that. And as I'm also expecting that I'll be doing this solo, there'll be the speed of updating to put up with too, as I do have other commitments like work to attend to.

Also, for the time being what I'm putting up as the teaser is the raw translation. QC and localisation to make it sound smoother will come later.

The title for this novel is Ore no Nounai Sentakushi ga, Gakuen Love Come wo Zenryoku de Jyama Shiteiru AKA My Multi-Choice Ability is Completely Ruining my School Romantic Comedy. I used the Japanese title as the thread title instead as both are too long to fit in. This novel currently also has an anime adaptation in development, so I guess you can think of it as a spoiler of sorts until then.

Synopsis (Translated from the book):

{Make Your Choice}
A: Shout out loud while being half-naked from the top.
B: Shout out loud while being half-naked from the bottom.

Such options which are complete rubbish, broke out in school again today! My, Amakusa Kanade's [Absolute Options], is a tragic curse where choices will randomly appear in my head and won’t disappear until I pick one; this in turn causes me to perform weird actions all the time, leading to my being listed in the [Black Five] (Blacklisted Top 5).

However, in such a school life where girls look at me in contempt all the time, an option “A: a beautiful girl falls from the sky” appears in my brain—? Someone end this embarrassing school life of mine!

Meanwhile, here's a small excerpt that I did of chapter one (which isn't even halfway translated, lol). If this gets enough interest to get an actual project approved, I'll try my best to speed things up, but until then it'll probably be OTOT as usual.

Spoiler! :
Chapter One: The Bitter Daily Life of Amakusa Kanade

When people walk past a dropped H-book, what reaction would they have?
More than half of them would just glance at it. For most high schoolers, they would usually consider their dignity and therefore not pick it up, but their eyes would still scan it at full force. If the opened pages were showing something a little more, then all the more it’d make one’s heart racing.
But such a small happiness was quickly completely destroyed.

{Make Your Choice}
A: Press it to your face and sniff it.
B: Eat it.

Right now, these choices appeared in my head.
And I definitely have to pick one of the two. Such were the rules.
It’d be normal to get excited over seeing a H-book, but to get excited to the point of smelling it or even eating it, there had to be something wrong with your head. However, I… still went ahead and sniffed it.
It doesn’t make my heart race at all. I pressed it to my face to the point I could only see the skin colour anyway, so this was to be expected.
“Waa, what’s with that guy?”
“He’s sniffing a H-book, sicko!”
The elementary school kids started muttering among themselves as they walked past.
“Oh no, that pervert’s looking over here.”
“Haha, he’s definitely still a virgin! Vir—gin—!”
Then they ran off giggling.
“…… What am I doing this early in the morning.”
Depressed, I put the H-book back by the roadside.
[Absolute Options].
This phenomenon, just as the name I came up with says, has the effect of forcefully making me pick one option or the other.
This thing would appear on and off and there wouldn’t be any words or sounds.
You could picture it as, it is some sort of signal that is broadcast from God knows where, and it’d be sent into my brain directly which let me understand the options immediately.
In other words it ignores my five senses and it won’t disappear until I make a choice, even if I close my eyes or cover my ears.
“Ara, isn’t this Kanade-chan?”
I suddenly heard a rough voice from ahead.
I rose my head to see Gondou Daiko (49) standing in front of me like a wall. She’s a housewife living in the area, and her body weight is a traumatizing three-digit.
“Kanade-chan, going to school?”
“Y-Yeah, I am.”
She, who had just stepped out of a convenience store, shot clammy looks at me.
“Uhoho, you still look as cute as ever.”
A sudden chill went up my back.
Every time we met she would always greet me creepily like this.
She said that was because I looked exactly like her late husband when he was younger. Can you please not waste a miracle on something like this?
Because of this, I’d normally live with the safety of my virginity being threatened, which is no joke at all. I guess for now I’ll make use of school as an excuse to get away from her.
“T-thank you. I’m going to be late so—”

{Make Your Choice}
A: “Can you please hug me?”
B: “Follow your desires and enjoy yourself hugging me!”

…… are you serious?
The choices I’m given aren’t limited to actions, they can also force me to speak rubbish. And no matter how messed up the options are, once they appear I can only choose to follow them.
But what’s the difference between A and B?
“……Can you please hug me?”
I said these words with the volume of a mosquito flying, and the options in my head immediately disappeared, but at the same time Daiko-obasan’s eyes immediately shone like a predator that has spotted its prey.
“Kanade-chan, you finally……!”
Shit, I’m really in deep shit this time!
“Wait- wait a minute, that didn’t count——”
“I’m digging in!”
What are you planning to eat!
Huge chunks of meat rushed at me and wrapped around me immediately.
Isn’t her strength too big! I can almost feel my bones breaking!”
“Give up… I give up!”
But she totally ignored my pleas.

“Phew, thank you for the meal.”
Tens of seconds later, Daiko-obasan who had her fill(?) let me go, and walked away while laughing in satisfaction.
I forcefully grabbed hold of my trembling kneecaps and managed to prevent myself from falling down.
The Absolute Options can happen at any time, and it wouldn’t be surprising if it happened multiple times at one go, but it was too much to have a H-book pressed to my face and to get bear-hugged by Daiko-obasan early in the morning.
Badly traumatized, I walked to the junction and was preparing to cross the road——

{Make Your Choice}
A: A pretty girl falls from the sky.
B: Daiko-obasan falls from the sky.

……are you kidding me?
Didn’t Daiko-obasan just go back home… why again? Speaking of which, one of the rules to Absolute Options was something I experienced to the point I’m sick of it.
Once the options appear, the choices will become a reality no matter how unscientific it sounds.
Which means if I picked B, Daiko-obasan would undoubtedly fall onto my head. To get squashed by that thing, I’d definitely die, both in terms of physical and psychological.
So by elimination I had to pick A.
No way someone would just fall from the sky out of nowhere, right? I nervously looked up but didn’t see anything.
But just as I doubtfully returned my gaze to the front——
Something suddenly landed quickly in front of me.
I fell backwards and sat on the ground, too shocked to say anything. Even though I already had some form of mental preparation… but it actually came true! Something really fell from the sky!
However, my brain had a strong doubt in the next moment.
“What’s…… this?”
Because that person(?) was currently maintaining a human bridge position.
Let’s not panic first, I also know what I’m saying is ridiculous, for now I’ll describe what I’m seeing…… the person(?) that fell from the sky is currently in a human bridge position…… mn, it’s as good as not saying anything.
She wasn’t sprawled on the ground nor was she lying down, she didn’t even fall flat on the ground, yet she was doing a human bridge beautifully.
… Why is it like this?
Such an unreal scenario made me frozen on the spot for some time.
It was probably after ten over seconds, that human bridge organism suddenly collapsed.
This made me come back to my senses as well. The human bridge was too impactful so I forgot momentarily—— that person fell from the sky!
“A-Are you all right!”
I hurriedly leaned over and shook her a few times.
“Mn… Huumii?”
In the end that person made a weird sound like she just woke up.
“T-That’s a relief…”
She was indeed breathing, and as I patted my chest in relief, that person suddenly raised her head.
“Strange? Where… am I?”
She looked left and right, then her eyes met with mine.
I couldn’t help but gasp. That person had unusually fair skin, soft golden hair and round blue eyes, and was dressed in chocolate-coloured clothes that looked like something out of a fairy tale. What was most unnatural was her straight-out incredible beauty. It was so surreal I couldn’t react for a while.
And with a bright smile, this girl spoke to me.
“You’re Amakusa Kanade-san, right?”
I was shocked to hear her suddenly address me by my full name.
“Ah… yes, that’s me.”
Bewildered, I started searching my memory but just could not remember her.
“Erm… and you are?”
“Me, huh! My name is…… eh? My name is…… erm, what was it?”
“Egh… you’re asking me.”
The girl thought for a little, then clapped her hands once.
“I know, this should be mild amnesia!”
Oi, you shouldn’t be saying it so cheerfully.
“I guess the impact from when I fell down earlier must have been too big.”
Your human bridge from earlier was clearly perfect, you didn’t even hit your head, okay?
“Oh well, I’ll recall everything sooner or later anyway, I am Heizaemon who can stay calm and collected no matter what happens.”
Heizaemon, huh…… in this age there’s no one who’d say something like that, and it was even stranger to hear it coming out of someone who looked this Western.
“Ah, it’s fine if you call me ‘Heizaemon’ for now.”
Forgive me for refusing.
“Okay, let’s disregard names for now; I’ve got something really important to talk to you about.”
“Something important…… mn?”
The girl came up to me with a wide smile with no trace of wariness whatsoever, which I found incredulous. Strange, why does this give me a sense of déjà vu?
“Kanade-san, what’s wrong?”
I got it, it’s a dog.
This girl comes close to you of her own accord, and shows unconditional favour to you. In this sense the impression she gives is really similar to a dog. Because of this, I subconsciously patted her head.
Though I regretted it, not only did she not get angry, instead she smiled even more happily.
A lock of hair sprang upright from her fringe, and the moment I removed my hand, it went back down.
“Ah, that just now, it’ll go up by itself whenever I’m happy.”
It’s totally a tail…… She really is just like a dog.
A strong urge suddenly overwhelmed me and I naturally—— honest, I naturally stuck out my hand.
……She actually followed accordingly.
Again…… she’s completely a dog.
I suddenly heard a surprising sound. At first I thought it was some voice actress’ voice, but then it turned out to be from this girl’s stomach.
“I-I’m so hungry, I think my stomach’s about to switch places with my back.” (TL note: I’m guessing she means the external appearance, not the one inside)
Don’t make someone think about something that disgusting.
“You’re that hungry, huh…… ah, right, I should still have some left.”
I dug around a little in my bag, and quickly found what I was looking for.
The moment she saw that I was holding a piece of bite-sized chocolate, her face lit up.
“Ah, it’s chocolate!”
“Do you like chocolate?”
“I really like it!”
Her face was beaming. Even though real dogs can’t eat chocolate, but she only resembles one, she’s still a human after all…… she IS human, right?
“Here, for you.”
I tore off the wrapper and tossed it up into the air slightly. She immediately jumped up and caught the chocolate with her mouth.
“It’s so dewicious!”
She smiled happily again, and that lock of hair sprang up again like earlier…… she’s really interesting.
“Ah, let’s use this then.”
She said while clapping her hands after she swallowed the chocolate.
“Use what?”
“Ah? What do you mean?”
“Like I said, my name!”
“Er…… I still don’t quite get what you mean.”
“Kanade-san, do you like chocolate?”
“About this, since I have it in my bag, so of course I like it. I like sweet stuff in general.”
“Then let’s use Chocolate as my name.”
It’s too direct, this thought process.
“Wait, it’s probably not too good to use Chocolate, it’s chocolate, you know?”
“Real~ly~? Then…… let’s use the French pronunciation and change it to ‘Chocola’, how’s that!”
I’m not sure if it’ll feel more knowledgeable, but at least ‘Chocola’ sounds more like a name than ‘Chocolate’…… or I should say a dog’s name.
“Okay! It’s decided then!”
We’ll leave it at that then, as long as she herself likes it.
She seems to have only lost part of her memory, so maybe she might remember her real name if we talk for a little while. To better understand exactly how much does Chocola(?) remember, I began asking about her objectives first.
“Kanade-san, I’m here to take care of you!”
She didn’t even give any thought about it and said it with certainty.
“Ah? Take care of…… me?”
“Yes, even though there are some things I’m not too clear about, but this I’m absolutely certain of.”
Somehow…… this feels weird.
“I-I see. Then your home—— where did you come from?”
Her hand quickly pointed above her head.
“Hm? Do you mean from the north?”
From her looks she clearly wasn’t Asian, so she’d probably come from Russia or North Europe.
“Nope, from the sky.”
“The sky……?”
“That’s~ how it is!”
Erg…... she did technically fall from the sky……
“In other words, you came from the world in the sky to take care of me?”
“That’s~ right!”
Beaming, Chocola did a victory pose while a certain warmth in my heart was plummeting non-stop.
“W-What do you mean by that! Wait a minute!”
I don’t want to be so heartless either…… but you’re just too suspicious.
“I can definitely be of some help to you, so just give it a try and let me stay with you for a while!”
Chocola, for unknown reasons caught up while rubbing her hands.
“No need, I’m living perfectly fine right now.”
“Right now we’re giving away dishwashing liquid?”
“Are you selling newspapers?”
“And give you watermelons and tempura?”
“That’ll just give you a bad stomachache!”
“And apples and jam?”
“I refuse even if you offer me trumpets and guavas!”
“I’ll give you marriage certificates and divorce papers too?”
“You can’t give those two together!”
“I’ll give you land and title deeds too?”
“I’d love to have those!”
“Sorry, I was kidding.”
“I guessed as much!”
“I’ll give you Guri and Gura?” (TL: a children's book, apparently)
“I have it already! That kind of thing I naturally own it already!”
“I’ll give idiots and tests too?”
“Aren’t you missing something! You’ll just fail like that!”
“So, just chop here and buy this mouthpot.”
“Don’t randomly promote products!”
……Urgh, just what does she want exactly?
I decided to not associate with her any more and just walk away.
I ignored that cry that was obviously on purpose and continued on.
…… but I was afraid that she’d continue crying out if she saw I was still ignoring her, so I turned back to take a look; I saw her lying down on the ground in a purposely-fanciful manner looking at me.
In her mouth was also a handkerchief which she had gotten from God knows where…… it’s pissing me off a little.
“See you.”
“Hey! Please wait a minute! When you see a weak lady by collapsed by the roadside, you’d act cool and say ‘are you all right, baby~?’ if you’re a real man!”
In my mind the only type of guy who could say stuff like that are playboys.
“I’m telling you, I’m rushing for school right now, I don’t have time to play dumb with you.”
My tone naturally became blunt. Most likely because my brain had made the judgment that I don’t need to be polite towards this kind of thing.
“Don’t be so cold, I’ll obey whatever you say, just assign something to me!”
“Then please stay away from me.”
“Ah, what a pity, my powers are not enough to fulfill this wish.”
Are you a certain Shenron?
Shit…… just what should I do to get this alien off my back?
As I thought, something came into my line of sight and gradually got closer…… got it.
“Chocola, Chocola.”
“I’m here, what is it?”
I dug out the rest of “that” from my bag.
“Ah, it’s chocolate!”
“You want it?”
“Yes! Please give it to me!”
My hand that was holding the chocolate hovered around slightly above her head, and the short Chocola couldn’t get it no matter how she jumped. Next, I waited for the right time.
Okay, almost time. Even though I don’t like wasting food——
I still threw the chocolate into the back of the truck that just went past me.
“Ah! Chocolate, wait for me——!”
Chocola gave chase to the truck with light footsteps.
Even though the distance between them was getting bigger, she still didn’t give up the pursuit and she disappeared around the corner.
“Are you serious……”
I waited for a while and she still didn’t come back. I even thought this idea was a little dumb at first, I never thought she’d fall for it completely.
On the first day of summer after the Golden Week, the warm sunlight still had the feel of spring.
“Though as they say, lots of weird people in spring, it wouldn’t hurt to be extra careful.”
I continued on to school as I muttered to myself.

The high school that I study in is called the Seikou Private Academy, where a single cohort has as many as fifteen classes in total. Therefore in order to cater to such a large number of students, the campus grounds are naturally much larger as compared to regular high schools.
With that said, the school gate is quite a distance from the main building. I cut across the field with a black face, caused by the physical and mental trauma from being forced to stick a H-book onto my face, bear-hugged by Daiko Obasan, and having to deal with a dog-like alien organism.
It took me a few minutes to finally reach the main building. Fortunately Class 2-1 was just by the staircase on the second floor, so I only need to climb a flight of stairs before I can take a rest.
I opened the classroom door and naturally greeted my classmates.
When I walked to my seat, my gaze fell onto a girl sitting by the window.
Yukihira Furano.
Even if she didn’t do anything and just stood there, she’d give off a presence so surreal it was as though even the temperature around her was different. Just like her name, her hair colour was white, and it shone like fresh snow under the sunlight that came in through the window.
“Hi, morning, Yukihira.”
She, who turned her head, had proportionate facial features, yet had an inexplicable sense of being inorganic.
Yukihira replied without even twitching an eyebrow:
“Morning, you abject maggot.”
To think the first thing she said was an abusive remark.
For most cases, people would mostly think that they had heard wrongly, but she’s Yukihira Furano. If you back off only from this, you have no right to chat with her.
“Mn, the weather’s great today.”
“That’s right, you abject maggot.”
“It’s on days like this that makes you feel like skipping classes to go out and play.”
“Ara, I didn’t think you had a rebellious side to you, you abject maggot.”
“Oh yeah, what day is it today?”
“It’s Monday. What’s wrong, you abject maggot?”
“Don’t you know what’s called changing the topic!”
Yukihira plainly said to me who had burst out:
“Ah, sorry, are you mad? I was just trying to make jokes on bugs.”
“Bug… jokes? What’s that?”
Never heard of that before.
“Actually this morning, the fortune for today on TV said that it’d be possible to meet with a disaster related to bugs. But even though I won’t go as far as to be superstitious about such things, no matter what you’ll still care about it a little, right?”
“Hm, then?”
“So I thought of using it as a joke topic to laugh it all off.”
“What an amazing thought process……”
“You know me, I’m a rebellious girl who doesn’t give in to fate. I’ll reject it to the death if I’m faced with something I can’t accept.”
“Well this…… I don’t think it’ll be that exaggerated.”
“Oh yes, if Amakusa-kun wants to hear them, I can also say other bug-related jokes too?”
“Nope, I don’t really need to though.”
“Oh yes, if Amakusa-kun wants to hear them, I can also say other bug-related jokes too?”
Looks like she really wants to say it. If I don’t follow her will, I’m afraid this will be never-ending.
“Okay, let’s hear it then.”
“Yukihira, are you home?”
“HEY! Listen to me, Mushu. Today I ignored a stupid classmate!” (TL: bug (虫) and ignore (無視) are both pronounced ‘mushi’ in Japanese)
That was insanely cold.
“Oh yes, not only was that the wordplay on ‘bug’ and ‘ignore’, I even added a small change ‘mushu’, do you like it?”
“…… Not particularly.”
To even explain her own cold joke, just how thick-skinned is she?
“Then how do you want me to answer to George, whose opportunity I stole from!”
“Who’s that!”
This Yukihira Furano is normally honest and reserved, but sometimes she plays dumb or suddenly has strong reactions, so it’s really hard for people to grasp which is the real her.
“Ara, what are you thinking of, Amakusa-kun? You’ve got a face that says you have a strong urge to rush out of school to attack little girls.”
“…… Just what kind of face is that.”
“Then, why do you have a face of a villager that keeps repeating ‘this here’ll be your first village’ at the village entrance?”
“Eh, there shouldn’t be any common points between those two?”
“Then, why do you have a face of a villager that keeps repeating ‘Haa…... Haa…… have you seen any little girls passing by?’ at the village entrance?”
“You’re just forcing it now!”
…… I can’t take it anymore, bickering with a person like this would only tire me out. Just as I gave up conversation and turned away from Yukihira——

{Make Your Choice}
A: “Hey, let me touch your chest for a little bit, just a little bit."
B: “Hey, touch my chest for a little bit, just a little bit."

……Mn, there’s something wrong, right? There’s definitely something wrong here, right?
Under normal circumstances, if someone was to make such perverted choices, they’d reject it no matter what, and of course I was no exception at first…… Yes, only at first.
Once the Absolute Options appear, if I choose to ignore it and not pick anything, my head will hurt really, really badly. Just like that.
I’m not kidding here. At first it’ll be a slight pain, but with each passing minute, this pain will just keep escalating as though someone was pinching my brain more and more tightly, and finally it’ll become pain beyond imagination.
That kind of feeling could probably only be described as, your skull remains intact and only your brain is being scooped out. Not even that girl whose face has a character flaw could do something like that.
To summarise, I cannot fight it. It’s useless, so don’t even think about it.
To me, just pick one choice when the Absolute Options appear. It’s something as natural as humans breathing or dogs being unable to speak.
That’s why——
“Hey, touch my chest for a little bit, just a little bit."
Once I said this, Yukihira’s eyebrow twitched a little.
“……Amakusa-kun, what are you saying?”
It’s no wonder she asked. Anyone who heard it would doubt their own ears.
“It’s nothing, it’s just——”
“Could it be that you want me to touch your ‘Paiotsu’?” (TL: it’s something like a codeword for ‘oppai’ AKA boobs/chest)
“……Ah? What are you saying?”
In the end I asked the exact same thing. This guy…… she just said ‘Paiotsu’?
“I asked you, earlier did you ask me to touch your ‘Paiotsu’?”
“Eh…… I did say something similar, but ‘Paiotsu’——”
“Don’t tell me what you said wasn’t ‘Paiotsu’? Strange, I clearly heard ‘Paiotsu’, a term such as ‘Paiotsu’ is something I wouldn’t ever mishear…… I understand, are you possibly hiding the fact that you said ‘Paiotsu’ out of embarrassment? But I think that this term ‘Paiotsu’ doesn’t have anything to be embarrassed about. Speaking of ‘Paiotsu’——”
“It’s clear that you just want to say it!”
“I don’t deny it. But everyone will have one of those times where they just want to keep saying ‘Paiotsu’, right?”
“Like hell they will!”
“Why the hell not!”
“What are YOU getting angry for!”
…… Luckily Yukihira is a weird person as well, that’s why nothing serious happened. If this kind of options were to appear for other girls, I’d probably get into big trouble.
Truth be told, last year I had a pretty painful experience, as I was forced to do all sorts of unspeakable things in front of the girls in class…… oh no, my tears are almost welling out, better not go think about it.
In any case, other than using me for entertainment, I really can’t find any other reason for the existence of this ‘Absolute Options’.
If I were to put this into galgame terms, all this gave me would be choices leading to Bad Ends, which caused me to never have had any chance at love for the past year.
It’s not like I want to be the school idol or anything, I just wish that I could have proper conversations (no fear or contempt) with girls……
Speaking of which, the number of times the options have appeared has been higher than normal, and all their contents are enough to vomit blood, so I should just go back to my seat and sit down quietly.
But just as I quickly walked past Yukihira’s side——

{Make Your Choice}
A: “Hey, let me touch your ‘Paiotsu’ for a little bit, just a little bit."
B: “Hey, touch my ‘Paiotsu’ for a little bit, just a little bit."

…… Enough. What’s with the options changing accordingly to the topic.
But regardless of whatever complaints I have in my heart, I still didn’t have any right to reject it.
“Hey, touch my ‘Paiotsu’ for a little bit, just a little bit."
After hearing it, Yukihira said expressionlessly:
“I’m sorry, but I refuse to speak to someone with such a vulgar mouth.”
“Are you honestly saying that with that face!”
“It’s precisely this face. This face that will link anything to ‘Paiotsu’ no matter what conversation topic.”
“Does your dictionary not have the word ‘coherence’!”
“My dictionary only has the word ‘Paiotsu’.”
“Then go ‘Paiotsu’ for the rest of your life!”
“Amakusa-kun, did you honestly take that joke for real?”
I grabbed my head in frustration. I can’t do it any more…… I’m really no match for her. I who was exhausted to the point of collapsing even before homeroom started, left Yukihira who hadn’t had enough of playing the fool and sat down at my seat while sighing.
And then I subconsciously looked out of the window.
“…… Hm?”
There was a human face.
I jumped up in shock.
“Oh, it’s Amacchi. Morning!”
That person opened the window from the other side with a big grin.
And then with one foot on the windowsill, she jumped into the classroom with a action hero-esque shout.
Her beautiful black waist-length hair flew about as she landed.
“You…… why would you come in from there?”
Everyone in class was looking at her—— Yuuouji Ouka as she announced with a thumbs-up:
“Haha, because the counselor was guarding the school entrance, so I, the genius, thought that I could still climb up and come in through the window!”
What ‘I, the genius’…… even if it’s not high enough to cause anything serious if you fell, but what person over the age of ten would still climb in through the window to the classroom. (TL: Natsume Kyousuke)
I took a glance at the girl in front of me. Her black hair was glossy, her body was slender and delicate, and her features resembled that of a rich lady.
However, the moment she opens her mouth, she’d become like a noisy elementary schoolkid, her expressions would change rapidly, and her actions would be completely unpredictable.
Even if it was something hard to imagine, like climbing windows, Yuuouji would just say ‘Hmm, let’s try it out’ and then do it.
“Oyo, Amacchi. You look tired, what’s wrong?”
Without any shyness, she brought her face close to mine while observing my expression.
Though I wish she’d understand that there should be some distance between girls and guys, but I think that’s probably impossible.
“It’s nothing. It’s just that quite a bit happened in the morning…… oh yeah, what’s with that thing on your back?”
Yuuouji’s bag was round and large to the point I really want to ask if she ran away from home.
“Oh, good question. Hahaha, I didn’t come in through the main gate because I wanted to smuggle this in!”
Chuckling, she put down her bag as though she’d been looking forward to it. Seriously, her physical aptitude’s too good, to be able to climb up the window while carrying a bag that size……
“Look, look, these are all experimental products from my family.”
She displayed the contents of her bag all around the floor, and almost every one of them had a ‘UOG’ logo printed on it.
Until now, I still cannot believe that she is the daughter of the world-renowned enterprise UOG.
UOG is tied extremely closely to people’s lives, with products ranging from food, apparel, cosmetics, electronics, books and stationery and whatnot, to the point that it’s almost impossible to find a shop that doesn’t stock products from UOG.
“All these were scrapped during the planning period. The people from the development department asked me to collect opinions of young people to take as reference for future products.”
Yuuouji’s words attracted the rest of the class’ attention. Even if these were failed products, they were from UOG, which was at the top of the trend. Naturally it would get people’s interest.
“Ouka-chan, what’s that?”
As the rest of the class were discussing about the various products in their hands, one female student asked while pointing at a venomous-looking phial.
“Oh, that was developed for middle-aged women who have entered the burnout period, something like an energy drink for women. I heard it boosts female hormones.”
I don’t think you should be getting opinions from high school students for that kind of thing……
“Strange, the effects are clearly great, production cost is low too, I wonder why they took this off during the proposal meeting.”
“Hmm—— I wonder why?”
I picked the phial up, turned it around and looked at the exquisite label.
[B***h Z].
“Hm…… first of all the name’s already out.”
“This morning I experimented on my mum, I added just a little into her breakfast, in the end she began panting really hard and even asked me if I wanted a little sister.”
“Just what did you do to the UOG president’s wife!”
Her mother, Yuuouji Kyouka, was an extremely famous idol singer twenty years ago.
She took a route different from the other teenage idols, and made use of both her looks and intelligence to rise up to stardom in one shot.
After she married Yuuouji Ouma, the most popular man in the corporate world, she withdrew herself from showbiz and never showed herself to media since then. Only recently did she return to be in charge of commentary on the news or similar shows. The impression I had of her was that of a cool beauty.
Back to topic, Yuuouji using her biological mother as a human experiment and turning her into a dog in heat was just too…… To think THAT Yuuouji Kyouka gave birth to such a daughter, it’s just too unbelievable.
The mystery of the Yuuouji family aside, it was clear that the proposal for ‘B***h Z’ was scrapped not just because of the extremely poor naming sense. If this kind of messed-up drug were to go into the market, the moral principles of Japan’s society would be destroyed.
Let’s just look at the other products. My eyes got drawn towards a product that was exuding a strong aura of presence. Its exterior was designed like a miniature printing machine, with a stack of paper the size of a dollar note in between it.
“Yuuouji, what’s this?”
“Oh, that’s a children’s toy called ‘Note Printing-kun’, with that you can design your own notes.”
I see. The piece of paper had designs of people and animals printed on it, with a large ‘Banknote’ in the middle. I pressed my thumb to the edge of the stack and began flipping through it.
“Whoa, these are pretty detailed…… Hm? Why’s there a real banknote here?”
A ten-thousand yen banknote appeared from within the stack, and no matter how I look at it, it didn’t look like a fake.
“Hahaha, because this product had too much potential, so I tried making one to see, in the end it’s exactly like the real thing!”
“The cops will visit your doorstep!”
Out, this product is completely out.
“Really, is there nothing that’s more normal…… oh, it’s ‘Sweets of Life’.”
‘Sweets of Life’ were the longest-lasting products of UOG’s confectionery brand ‘YUOHJI’. There were three in a pack, had various changes and all had ‘~Chapter’ as the theme.
For example——
[Love Chapter: crush flavor, confession flavor, mutual feelings flavor.]
Respectively they’re the sourness of pining for the other person, the spiciness of your heart beating madly, and sweetness that can melt your heart. Even if this series gives people mixed feelings and not everyone likes the flavors, but it still has enough supporters, the price is cheap and it has its own market alongside the other ‘Animal Sweet’ series, which is also very popular.
“Ah, this one they scrapped quite a lot too, it really gave them a shock.”
Yuuouji grabbed a handful of sweets and dropped them in my hands.
[Playboy Chapter: “I accidentally cheated on two people” flavor, “I accidentally let the two of them meet” flavor, “I accidentally got stabbed” flavor.]
“What’s that last one acting cute for! It’s hard to laugh, you know!”
[Middle Aged Chapter: “Being stuck in the middle” flavor, “I got retrenched” flavor, “Dying in the streets at 50” flavor.”
“Too tragic!”
[World After Death Chapter: “Souvenirs from Hades” flavor, “Futile Effort” flavor, “One-way trip to Hell” flavor.]
“Who the hell would buy this kind of thing!”
[NEET Chapter: “Just What” flavor, “Will I become” flavor, “After I grow old” flavor.]
“Like hell I know!”
[You Get Another Pack If You Win Chapter: “Did I win” flavor, “I didn’t win” flavor, you’re an idiot if you’re reading this~]
“Are you playing me!”
All these have no relation to flavours whatsoever.
“These are your important products after all, they’re too much even if they’ve been scrapped…… Hm?”
I swept my eyes across trying to find a decent product, and I saw Yukihira squatting in the corner, staring hard at ‘Note Printing-kun’ that was in her hands…… the expression in her eyes is a little scary.
“Yukihira, what’s wrong with you?”
“Ah, Amakusa-kun, if this toy were to fall into the wrong hands, it’d definitely cause harm to the society. Anyone with good intentions would know to take responsibility and keep it in a secure place.”
“Well…… I guess that’s true.”
Speaking of which, I think we should just destroy this on the spot.
“Eh, me? I can’t do it, really. Eh? You say only I can do it? I-It can’t be helped then, since you put it that way, I’ll give it a try then.”
“What are you doing a one-man show for! No one’s asking you to do that!”
She went ‘Tch’, this fellow actually went ‘tch’.
While Yukihira stood up with a poker face, Yuuouji let out her voice.
“Ah, it’s Furanocchi! Mor~ning!”
Yukihira replied with a light voice:
“Morning, you abject maggot.”
Are you still doing it!
“Hm? Maggots? Ah, right, speaking of maggots——”
After Yuuouji finished speaking, she stuck her hand deep into her bag and began rummaging for something. Still, I think this is the first time in my life I’ve heard someone say ‘speaking of maggots’.
“Here, we have something like this too. Well~~ what a coincidence. Eat it and see, Furanocchi.”
The dark gray packaging that was passed to Yukihira had printed on it——
[Animal Sweets: Maggot Flavor.]
A miracle has appeared!!!!!!
“I see, I guess that’s what it meant by a disaster related to bugs…… The person who thought this up should just die.”
Yukihira accepted it without batting an eyelid while uttering something vicious. Well, it’s not like I don’t understand how she feels. But what the hell is this ‘maggot flavor’, this wouldn’t even need any consideration when scrapping it, right?
Yukihira then proceeded to open the packaging, ate the sweet, sucked on it a little and then said with a serious face:
“It really does taste like maggots.”
“What an alarming reflection!”
“Maybe if you added a dash of cricket piss, maybe it’d taste more fragrant.”
“Like hell it will! Why are you talking as though it’s sesame oil!”
After jabbing at Yukihira, I turned my eyes to Yuuouji.
“But seriously…… is that really edible?”
“Relax, relax, even for strawberry or honeydew-flavoured sweets, they don’t actually contain strawberry or honeydew, right? Here, Amacchi, you try it too!”
“I-Is that so……”
…… How do I say this, this thing’s not half bad, it’s definitely not that bad. But I can only use ‘extremely ambiguous’ to describe it.
“What exactly is this made of?”
Yuuouji took a look at the ingredient list on the packaging.
“Wait a moment. For this, the ingredient is…… ah, extract of live maggots.”
Seeing that I immediately spat out the sweet, Yuuouji did a victory pose saying:
“Amacchi, if you pick it up within three seconds you can still eat it!”
“That’s not the problem here!”
“Gee, silly Amacchi. I was just joking with you earlier, don’t take it so seriously. How would they actually use maggot extract~”
Hearing Yuuouji’s words, Yukihira lightly clapped her hands.
“Wah, your bug joke was excellent.”
“Seriously, enough with that!”
Ugh…… I honestly couldn’t tell if Yuuouji was lying or not, so I had to check it for myself.
“Give me that for awhile.”
I took the packaging from Yuuouji and looked at it.
“Due to various circumstances, we are unable to reveal the ingredients list.”
Who are you scaring!
“Y-Yukihira, do you really feel nothing at all?”
I directed my question to Yukihira, who was the first to eat the sweet.
“Ara, Amakusa-kun, you’re not being manly by being so particular about this kind of thing.”
“Seriously, how old are you!”
“Besides, don’t you know that it’s bad manners to spit out something that people offered you?”
“You’re in no position to talk about me when you’re covering your own mouth with a handkerchief, Yukihira-san!”
“This is called embarrassment.”
“Don’t you have a better excuse!”
“Hahaha, okay, that’s enough, you two. In this world they even add maggots into cheese, so this is nothing.”
“Does that mean that this thing really has maggot inside!”
I shouted until my voice felt a little hoarse. From the time I left home until now, I have no idea how many times I’ve shouted.
“…… As expected, something’s bound to happen when these three are together.”
I hear someone mutter this from somewhere. The only thing that included Yukihira, Yuuouji and I in one, could only be ‘that’.
“Damn it, I refuse to admit it…… I refuse to be included in that list.”
“Nahaha. Amacchi, just stop trying to save face and admit that you’re one of the [Black Five].”
Yuuouji affectionately patted me on the shoulder while saying that forbidden phrase.
This Seikou Private Academy would conduct a popularity poll at the start and end of every semester. Simply put, it’s like a campus beauty pageant, where by using the voting system; the Top Five is picked from the entire school year of forty-five classes.
Because of the large numbers, the Top Five are naturally topnotch good looking guys and girls, and because of the news club and the broadcasting club’s constant advertising, they’re well known throughout the entire school.
And of course, behind the light, there’s a forbidden name list that’s called the Dark Rankings.
On the list are names of people who have looks, but have behaviors or personalities that give people a bad impression. This list is comprised of the top five guys and the top five girls, which is also a list for ‘The Person I Don’t Want to Date The Most’.
And the [Black Five] is the disgraceful title given to these ten people.
Because Yukihira’s personality is that bad, so she looks like she doesn’t mind it at all, and Yuuouji is bad in her own way, and naturally she doesn’t care either.
But as a normal person, I can’t just let this slide.
“No, it’s not like this…… I’m different from these two; I’m a normal high school student.”
But no matter how I complain about it, the moment that this title is given, I still have to wait for another half a year to get rid of this title.
The latest ranking was picked in March during the previous semester, and in May, the new term, if you take away the third year who’s already graduated, the number of people with the title of [Black Five] is still nine.
And one-third of that number is in this class 2-1.
And if you include the fact that this class doesn’t have anyone in the actual list, it wouldn’t be too much to say that this class was cursed.
However, I don’t see why I should take one-third of the responsibility.
“If Amacchi doesn’t talk, you actually look pretty cool!”
“Egh, you’re the last person in this class I want to hear that from……”
I’m not going to deny it, from an optimistic point of view; my looks would belong to the ‘not bad’ category. During my middle school days I also received lots of love letters, so it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say I was popular.
But in March last year when I was about to begin my high school life, everything changed completely.
That’s right; this accursed [Absolute Options] befell me without any warning and constantly forced me to do some insane things…… this caused me to be unable to get rid of the title of [Black Five] even until now, where it’s May and I’m in my second year.

However, my abnormality can only be caused by this [Absolute Options].
Amakusa Kanade has an ordinary personality unlike Yukihira or Yuuouji who have a few screws loose. Yes, if not for [Absolute Options] ——

{Make Your Choice}
A: Remove your top and shout like some Japanese hero.
B: Remove your pants and shout like an Amazon warrior.

Are you kidding!
Why did it come out now! Will it kill you to look at the situation! Also, what kind of stereotyping is ‘Amazon warrior = naked below’?
…… Fine, I know resisting is futile, just do it like usual, right? I’ll just choose, it’s not like I’m not going to choose anyway. It’s fine if I just pick one right?
I picked option A, and my hands went to my shirt buttons and I began taking it off hesitantly.
“Uwaa, take a look at that.”
The tragic thing is, girls would no longer go red and scream, instead they would only watch my ‘performance’ while thinking ‘Amakusa’s gone weird again’.
I’ve only been in this new class a month, and they already think that I’m some weirdo who might suddenly strip at any time……
I forcefully shook off my sorrow and successfully(?) took off my shirt. How’s that, you damn options?
The headache that represented “NO” hit me, so it looks like I definitely have to complete the ‘shout like some Japanese hero’ part.
“Gahaha, behold my soul of manliness——!!”
Having given up on myself, I yelled out in a loud and majestic voice.
The pain in my head also slowly dissipated with that…… Oi, that’s it?
The classroom’s front door opened at the worst possible timing, and the teacher walked in.
I, who was still doing a victory pose while shirtless, exchanged looks with her.
“You…… What the hell are you doing?”
The form teacher of class 2-1, Douraku Utage had the physique and the cute face of an elementary schoolkid, yet her actions were extremely violent. In Seikou Private Academy where the school spirit was tepid and mild, she who had a rebellious aura was just like a ferocious beast in the midst of a group of rabbits.
“Sensei, there’s a good reason behind this……”
“Hmm~ let’s hear it then.”
“Er…… I was forced.”
“By who?”
“…… another person, in my brain.”
She’s not going to let me off, she’s definitely not going to let me off with this!
“Come here for a bit.”
Utage-sensei beckoned me over with her tiny hand.
“Kneel down.”
“Er, can you let me put on my shirt first——”
“Shut up.”
The moment I bent my knees, her hand instantly grabbed the back of my neck.
“I’m going to give you special counseling, follow me.”
“It hurts, Sensei it really hurts!”
After asking the class representative to take attendance, Utage-sensei pulled me towards the door. Just where does she get this strength from!
Unable to resist, I was dragged out into the corridor half-naked.

I'll leave it until here, feel free to critic/comment on the translation thus far.
Last edited by UltimateOTL on Thu Apr 18, 2013 6:16 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby larethian » Fri Apr 12, 2013 12:58 am

While the title doesn't sound very awe-inspiring at first glance, the contents certainly sound very interesting, funny, and unique. Though I wonder how far can the author take it to? :D
It certainly piqued my curiosity I'd say :D
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby UltimateOTL » Fri Apr 12, 2013 6:08 am

It actually gets pretty hilarious later on, but if I say any more I'd be giving out spoilers already.

Also, even though there are 3 or 4 volumes out in total, I've only ever seen the first volume translated into Chinese (which also only surfaced like yesterday I think). So going by speed I'd say it'd take another few months before everything comes up.
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby shichinanatsu » Fri Apr 12, 2013 6:53 pm

found it.. 8)

same sentiments as larethian, and reading as far as the jap wiki's concerned, it looks to be an over-the-top hilarious version of TWGOK.. :lol:

non-sequitur.. how come LNs get to poke so much fun at VNs? :?
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby Code-Zero » Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:34 pm

Lol, this LN seems really fun to read.
But having to sniff that in public......
I wont be able to endure that embarrassment....
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby UltimateOTL » Thu Apr 18, 2013 12:32 am

I just finished part 2 of chapter 1. This is going to take a while.

Incidentally there're supposed to be illustrations but I'm not going to add them because I'm lazy.
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby Azyrion » Thu Apr 18, 2013 3:31 am

omg this LN is hilarious! I will definitely add this to my watch list if this would become an official project. Thanks Ultimate for bringing this to my attention!
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby UltimateOTL » Thu Apr 18, 2013 7:41 pm

Just a note, because I noticed that a minor part got censored by the system, I made some changes so that while it's still censored, the meaning is still roughly retained.

Still no QC for now because I'm lazy and I have the rest of the novel to finish up. Feel free to point out any mistakes or whatnot if you see them though, those I'll change when I get the time.
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby UltimateOTL » Mon Apr 29, 2013 2:28 am

Updating the third part. Fourth part's shorter so it might be done faster than others.
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby UltimateOTL » Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:54 am

Here's part 3 since there's a word limit.

Spoiler! :
After that, I arrived at the counseling room.
The petite Utage-sensei sat on the chair as though she was sitting on a throne, and said irritably:
“Strange, why haven’t you put your shirt back on yet?”
“That’s because you didn’t give me the time to do so!”
“Oi. If you’ve got something to confess, spit it out. I don’t have time for this.”
She completely ignored the question she just asked, and propped her legs onto the table.
“No wait, at least investigate a little——or rather, you should know the reason why, right?”
“Heheh, so what kind of choices were they this time?”
…… As expected.
Utage-sensei is the only person who knows about [Absolute Options], and this isn’t without evidence to back it up.
“That’s to, either expose the top half or the bottom half of my body……”
“…… And that’s why you chose to take off your shirt? How useless, you don’t have a sense of humour at all.”
“There’s no way I can use humour to smoke through exposing my thing!”
“It’s not like there’ll be any problems anyway, you’ll just get kicked out of school at most.”
“There’s a big problem right there!”
“Have you ever heard of the phrase ‘watching from the sidelines’?”
“What sidelines, it’s just right in front of you! It’s your class’s student, you know!”
Ugh…… not just the students around me, why is it that even the teacher’s a weirdo.
“Please be a little more serious—— eh, Sensei?”
Utage-sensei suddenly stopped her joking attitude and her face darkened.
Then she slowly said in a low voice:
“Looks like…… it’s still nothing good, as usual.”
That’s right, truth be told, this teacher in front of me who looked like a child, was a past victim of [Absolute Options].
Apparently [Absolute Options] can be passed on from person to person, after it left Utage-sensei, it passed through countless other people before it was my turn to bear the brunt of it. Even if I asked her why it was passed on to me, or what I should do to get rid of it, she’d just be vague about it and say ‘now’s not the time’ or ‘stop annoying me’ and keep dragging it until now.
Utage-sensei quickly kept her expression of being deep in thought, and went back to her usual irritated attitude.
“Okay, you can get lost now. I only brought you here for show anyway, since I couldn’t leave you in that situation by yourself. In any case, I’ll try to clean up your messes as much as I can, just look out for yourself.”
Even if I have any dissatisfaction over her keeping something from me, but the fact that the only person who understood my situation from last year until now was also my form teacher really helped a lot.
If it wasn’t for Utage-sensei resolving all those issues for me, I’d probably be suspended from school or even expelled, but I’m not saying I’m okay with things staying like this, either.
“Ah, right, there’s something I want to ask.”
The topic about the options reminded me of the mysterious organism that fell from the sky called ‘Chocola’.
Even though I have no idea if it’s linked to [Absolute Options], but as a former victim, Utage-sensei might know something.
“Today on the way to school, there was a strange but beautiful girl who fell from the sky——”
Utage-sensei suddenly looked at me with faraway eyes and patted me on the shoulder.
“It’s been difficult for you…… so you finally can’t tell the difference between 2D and 3D?”
“Nonono, you’ve got it all wrong.”
True, if someone else were to say that to me, I’d think he was daydreaming, but a fact is still a fact.
“Eh? Didn’t you just recently say ‘I just have to conquer the same girl a hundred times then she can come out of the screen to be my bride, uhihihi’? Did you forget how ecstatic you were when you said that?”
“Since when! There’s something wrong with your memory!”
“Strange, was it a hundred and one times then?”
“That’s not the problem here, okay!”
“So it’s ‘Fuhihihi, you’re— mine—’?”
“Why are you focusing on that! In the first place all that was just something you made up!”
I was already suspecting her qualifications as a teacher since last year. No matter how you look at it, she’s not someone fit to stand in front of the teacher’s podium.
“What’s with you, why are you staring at me…… don’t tell me you——”
Utage-sensei took an exaggerated step back.
“You intend to do something to me while no one else is around?”
“Like hell I will, what the hell are you saying suddenly?”
“It’s very suspicious considering you’re running around half-naked in broad daylight.”
“That’s because you didn’t give me time to put my shirt back on!”
“Don’t come near me, you pedophile.”
“Who’s a pedophile, just think of how old you are!”
“I’m only twelve, and you still say you’re not a pedophile?”
“Don’t tell that kind of elementary grade lie!”
“You’re damn annoying; can you shut up and stop yelling? That, what was it, you……”
“…… Sensei, you didn’t forget my name, did you?”
“Are you an idiot? Don’t look down on your teacher, that kind of thing’s impossible. Er, Ama…… Ama…… Ama……”
“I was already in your class since last year!”
“Okay, okay, sorry, sorry, I was just kidding, Amakasu.”
“You were clearly guessing!”
“What's with this (lol)-like feeling!” (TL: sorry, it got me at this line. Original line was 何で(笑)みたいな感じだ!, suggestions appreciated)
I can’t take it; she’s completely taking me for a ride.
“Right, didn’t I say earlier to stop wasting time? Spit out whatever you have to say.”
“Wait, no matter how you think about it, the one who was delaying me was you……”
Complaints aside, I quickly went back to the topic.
“It was about that beautiful girl earlier——”
“I know, it was the girl~ of~ your~ dreams~ who fell from the sky.”
Ugh…… this is pissing me off.
“She dropped down after I completed one of the [Absolute Options] ——”
“What did you say?”
Her face changed.
“…… I see.”
She had that look of being deep in thought from earlier, and muttered.
“Judging by your reaction, do you know something?”
Utage-sensei didn’t deny it.
“So-so. But for this kind of thing, it’s best if I don’t say anything.”
Even though her words weren’t straightforward, the expression in her eyes was solemn.
“But if I were to say anything, I’d say that you’ve met the conditions to get rid of your [Absolute Options].”
“Eh? What does that mean——”
The bell for the first lesson interrupted my words.
“Class is starting, go back to class.”
“But Sensei, I still have a lot to ask.”
“Right now that’s all I can tell you.”
“Eh, but——”
To me, as long it was related to [Absolute Options], any kind of information would be very important.
“You’re annoying. Keep talking and I’ll castrate your uvula.”
“To use ‘castrate’ would be a little weird…… erm, what message are you typing?”
“Mm~ you’re talking about this? I’m just texting Yukihira telling her to burn your shirt if you don’t go back to the classroom in one minute.”
“Stop making jokes like that!”
Wait, if you think about it, a normal person wouldn’t follow as instructed if told to do this, but the other person’s Yukihira, so it’s hard not to worry…… no, that might be a little exaggerated…… no wait, she might just really do it.
“Mm, sent. Listen up, if you tell a teacher, I’ll butcher you.”
“Then who’s this in front of me!”
“Still not leaving? You only have fifty seconds left, you know?”
I immediately burst out the door and ran at full speed in the corridor…… with my two nipples exposed.

Just what connections does [Absolute Options] have with Chocola who’s of unknown origin? Utage-sensei’s words just kept going around in my head, which caused me to be unable to pay attention in class.
The situation didn’t change at lunch either, when I had lunch with a few male classmates, whatever was said went in one ear and went out the other.
The speakers at the top of the blackboard sounded, which interrupted my train of thought.
『Good afternoon everyone, once again it’s time for ‘Seikou Rest Stop’!』
This programme is done by the broadcasting club; you can tell they put a lot of effort into it as every week there’ll be different topics and different hosts.
Okay, it’s not like racking my head over this is going to get me anywhere, so let’s go for a change in mood and listen to the broadcast.
『For Monday’s programme we have ‘Museum of Poison’ where we invite famous people and interrogate them. 』
The female host said in a lively voice.
『Today, we’ve invited two very well-known people from class 2-1! Let’s welcome Yuuouji Ouka-san and Yukihira Furano-san! 』
『Yaaho~ good afternoon everyone, I’m Yuuouji Ouka~ Panpakapa—n~~ 』 (TL: must be her personal fanfare)
『Good afternoon, this is Yukihira Furano. 』
Yuuouji was high as usual, while Yukihira somehow felt a little like Mori Shinichi. These two together in a broadcasting room…… I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
『As everyone knows, these two regretfully made it into the ‘Black Five’ at the end of the last semester. Can the two of you please share what kind of unhealthy feelings you had when you found out you made it into the ranks? 』
The first thing that came out of the host’s mouth was such a rude question. However this is also to be expected, as the main selling point of this topic was to listen to how this poison-tongued girl with a sadistic streak openly asked questions that normally people wouldn’t ask.
『Okay~ Erm, how do I say this— oh, what happens if I press this? 』
『Hey, hold it, please don’t touch anything! 』
Kata— the sound of the host hurriedly standing up was heard through the speakers.
『Eh, but didn’t you just say not to touch any of the equipment while the broadcast was going on? 』
『D-Doesn’t that mean you did it knowingly! If I said so, why’d you still do it? 』
『Wasn’t that a hint to make me go touch it? 』
This isn’t some comedy variety show!
As expected of Yuuouji, she’s still so riotous even on a radio broadcast that can be heard by teachers and students around the school.
『Okay, back to topic. Yukihira-san, can you please share? 』
The moment the topic was targeted at her, Yukihira started talking as though she was doing a one-man show:
『Ara, you know, that’s, how do I say this? Personally I don’t feel anything about it; it’s mostly the people around me who are kicking up the fuss. I don’t exclude the option of giving up this title, but then if I did this I’d be letting down everyone who voted for me…… how embarrassing, let’s put it like this. 』
Why a thanksgiving speech!
『Erm…… 』
The host was momentarily lost for words and didn’t know how to react. If it were me, I’d probably have retreated by now, but it seemed as though she was used to this kind of thing, so she gave a cough before continuing the show as though nothing happened.
『Now, the two of you, please say something to the audience as people listed in the ‘Black Five’. I highly doubt there’ll be anything juicy though. 』
Using provocative words to make the guests say heartfelt words or gossip-worthy material was something this host used constantly.
But Yuuouji seemed like she didn’t mind at all.
『Hmm~ I don’t know what to say though~ “But I reject!!”, How’s that? 』
You’re using it wrongly! Also, the one being rejected is you!
As for Yukihira towards this question——
『Six months down the road, I wonder how many people will be able to achieve this level? 』
What are you being proud for!
『…… I see, as expected, you two really have some unique personalities. 』
The host, as though displeased at their unwavering attitude, said and changed the topic while having a hint of anger.
『Oh yes, there should be another ‘Black Five’ in your class right? He’s called Amakusa Kanade-san right? 』
My hand that was moving my chopsticks instantly froze. I completely didn’t expect them to shift the topic to me.
『That’s right, he’s actually pretty good looking, but his brain’s a little regrettable, he’s not quite suited to appear in public. 』
You’re the last person I ever want to hear that from!
『Ahaha, today he even stripped in class suddenly. 』
Egh, true, I did strip today…… but Yuuouji-san, was there a need to say it out?
『Stripping in class…… Is Amakusa-san an exhibitionist? 』
『Eh? I don’t think so; I think he did it on the spur of the moment. 』
Doesn’t that make me an exhibitionist!
『He’s already something who cannot live without mosaics. 』
Don’t talk about someone as though he’s some kind of poisonous bug!
『As his classmate, I truly am worried for him. 』
If you’re really worried about me then shut your trap!
『Ah, why don’t we just invite Amacchi to the show next week? 』
Yuuouji…… why would you even think until that extent?
『Since Yuuouji-san introduced to us such an interesting person, let’s invite Amakusa-san who sounds like human scum to the show next week. 』
The host immediately agreed, and even insulted me while she was at it.
『Okay, we’ll call him immediately to make an appointment with him. 』
Given the norm, this radio broadcast would ask the guests of the week to introduce some friends just like a certain afternoon show, but normally this kind of thing they’d notify the other party first, right?
As I thought about things, my phone suddenly vibrated. How come she knows my number……?
『Good afternoon, is this Amakusa Kanade-san? 』
As much as I didn’t want to, I had no choice but to pick up given the situation and the radio host’s voice came out through the receiver.
“Haa…… Yes, that’s me.”
It looks like she set it to hands-free mode, as my melancholic voice came out through the speakers at the same time. In other words, whatever I say from now on will be heard by the entire school body.
『Are you listening to our broadcast now? 』
“Eh, I guess.”
It’ll be fine. Just observe the situation and politely reject her and it’ll be okay.
『I heard that Amakusa-san is a big pervert who will suddenly strip at times, I’d like to ask why you’d do something that sick and disgusting~ 』
Ugh, this is really making me angry. But I’ve got to endure it, calm down; if I get angry here I’d only be falling right for her trap. For now I’ll bring out my courtesy and answer her politely——

{Make Your Choice}
A: “Uhehehe, actually I even want to take off my pants.”
B: “Guhehehe, what colour are your panties today?”

…… Can I go home?
But I still had to say it. I had to pick one of the two.
“Uhehehe, actually I even want to take off my pants.”
I finished that line with extreme difficulty, and my tears were on the verge of falling. Naturally, what I said was broadcasted throughout the entire school in its entirety.
Now all my hopes are pinned on the radio host’s reaction. I can only pray that she thought I was joking and say something that’ll help me get out of this——
『…… Okay, now let’s ask our two guests what everyone is really dying to hear. 』
She actually pretended not to hear it!
“Wait just a moment——!”
But no matter how loud I yelled, she had already hung up.
“…… Amakusa, as usual you’re amazing.”
Hearing my friends’ voices, my awareness was brought back to the classroom and I looked around me. The guys were either smiling wryly or had burst in laughter, while the girls looked as though they had seen a ghost.
Looks like to them, the top is still fine, but when it came to the lower half it wasn’t something they could just laugh off.
“No, this is a misunderstanding……”
As I stretched out my hand as I tried to explain, they actually all turned around at the same time like an extremely well-trained army.
“Hahaha…… there’s no god in this world……”
After saying something slightly dangerous, my whole body sprawled out on my table.
“I’ve had enough had enough had enough ahhhh that’s right this must be a dream I must have had an accident this is all just a dream that the me in hospital is having but it feels so real ahhhh right maybe this is a parallel world just like in manga otherwise someone as normal as me would never say weird things to get dirty looks from girls uhuhuhuhu——”
Words automatically flowed out of my mouth like some kind of curse, and it covered over the still-ongoing radio broadcast, preventing me from hearing another word from the broadcast. My consciousness collapsed and sank into the ocean also known as ‘escaping from reality’.

『Hm…… I see…… I get it. 』
I returned to reality after a few minutes, and the first thing I heard was the host’s weak voice.
『T-Then, due to time constraints, we’ll end things here…… 』
You could tell she was thinking “I really want to finish this fast” from her tired voice. I really want to know what happened during my ‘trip’ that even this poison-tongued radio host couldn’t stand Yuuouji’s and Yukihira’s tag-team combo.
『Ah? But I’m just about to reach the funny part about my house’s John growing a pustule on its butt…… 』
Were you talking about something that boring!
Following a regretful Yuuouji, Yukihira said seriously:
『Lastly I have a suggestion, would you like to hear it? 』
『S-Sure, what is it? 』
The host asked back warily.
『As the starting point, I think that it’s time you threw away your current character setup. 』
It’s yet another weird sentence from this girl’s mouth.
『…… Hah? Erm…… I don’t think I quite get what you mean. 』
『I know being poison-tongued is your selling point, but the audience is just about sick of it. Honestly, there’s no fresh appeal. 』
Yukihira’s voice lacked any form of intonation as usual, but it sounded like there were some feelings mixed in…… Is she angry?
『Also, today you said some things about the lack of growth in my breasts…… You even said it three times. 』
Something like that happened while I was daydreaming?
True, you couldn’t even say that Yukihira had anything there, and that was already being nice to her…… She must really mind it a lot.
『Egh, that’s true, but I only targeted you to make some jokes and get the listeners to laugh…… 』
『Jokes? I’m sorry, but I couldn’t laugh at that at all, and I have a strong sense of humour. 』
How’s your sense of humour strong……
『In any case, I hope you don’t think that you can safely go back without making fun of other people’s ‘Paiotsu’. 』
Somehow it sounded like there was another meaning to it…… Also, ‘Paiotsu’, please pull yourself together.
『I’m going into the main topic. In order to break this never-changing situation, I’ve already thought of a plan for you. The title—— “The Sow MC’s Moe Pig Paradise”. 』
What the hell is that……and the definition of a ‘Moe Pig’ ——may vary from people, this is solely what I think—— is a derogatory term used on male otaku who’s extremely into those bishoujo in anime and manga.
『It’s a slightly erotic proposal where you degrade yourself to a female pig who completely listens to the masters (listeners) and fulfill their every request. 』
Stop messing around; this is a school broadcast, not some late night radio station.
『Eh, this is broadcast in school, so how can we do something like that? 』
The host had a similar reaction to mine. Any normal person would react like this.
『You seem to be misunderstanding something. Things have already been decided long ago, you sow. 』
And thus the host was suddenly degraded to a sow.
『Now, let’s re-educate this foolish bad-mouthed host to a real female pig. 』
Clatter, the sound of someone getting up from a chair was heard.
『E-Erm, Yukihira-san, can you please not look so scary? 』
The host was completely in fear and her trademark poison tongue disappeared without a trace.
『Y-Yuuouji-san, can you please help to persuade her— wait, she’s asleep!? 』
『Kukaaa— 』
Are you serious……just how laid-back do you have to be fall asleep in a live broadcast? And it’s only been a minute or so after she wanted to tell that story about John and the pustule on his ass?
『Fuahhh…… Eh? Has the broadcast ended? 』
『Ara, you’ve woken up at a good time, Yuuouji-san. Can you help me capture that sow over there? 』
『Hm? What situation is this, hei! 』
『Eh? When did you get behind me!? No, let me go! 』
The host seems to have been captured. Yuuouji’s physical ability isn’t just for show, so a normal high school girl has no hope of escaping.
『—Wai, ahhn! Yuuouji-san, what are you doing! 』
『Eh? I just wanted to give you a massage to help you relax, since you’re so scared. 』
『I don’t need something like that, just hurry up and let me go…… ah, wait! Please stop! Ahhh! 』
The host’s moans was suddenly heard over the speakers, and the guys who weren’t paying attention to the broadcast earlier all stopped what they were doing to listen.
『Take this, side attack! 』
『No, wai— that’s…… No way, why does it feel so good…… Ahhn! 』
This……is so erotic. This isn’t something that should be on a school broadcast, but I still have to say this…… Yuuouji, keep at it!
『Whoa, it’s rare to find someone this sensitive~ ahahaha, this is fun! 』
Yuuouji was having too much fun and couldn’t stop.
『Ah……Stop…… Stop! 』
『It’s useless, you sow. This room is completely sealed off from the outside, so no one will come save you no matter how you cry or scream. 』
Just which villain are you……

『Hii…… Hii…… Phew…… 』
After over ten seconds of re-education(?), the female host was already unable to speak.
Yukihira, as though satisfied, coldly said:
『I didn’t think you’d cry out so nicely on the first time. Keep it up, you female pig. 』
I daresay with certainty, there won’t be a next time.
『Hahaha, think we overdid it? Her body’s gone completely limp. I wonder if there’s any energy-boosters…… seems not, we still have [B***h Z], you want to drink it? 』
Stop itttttttttttt!
『Looks like the broadcast can’t go on any more. It can’t be helped, allow me to end it on her behalf. 』
Yukihira’s one-man show aired over the speakers.
『To all listeners, this broadcast has come to an end, the new show “The Sow MC’s Moe Pig Paradise” will begin airing next week together with the special feature “Yukihira Furano’s Why Don’t Female Pigs with Paiotsu of B and Above Die”. Ladies who fulfill the criteria, please wash your ‘Paiotsu’ and wait— 』
Her voice was suddenly cut off, and was quickly but unnaturally followed by some classical music.
…… This would most likely be categorized as a broadcasting mishap.
This is bad, this is extremely bad. It’s because of things like this that class 2-1 is regarded as the most misfortunate class of the school.
A few classmates were staring at me as though saying “Aren’t you one of them, take care of this”.
You’re wrong, you’re all wrong. I used to be one of you guys too; it’s just that this accursed [Absolute Options] set me on a slightly diverged path. The real me is a normal-as-any male high school student.
And yet, they could never hear the screams from the deepest parts of my heart. Under a slightly awkward atmosphere, I shoved the rest of my lunch into my mouth, but I already lost all mood to savour it.
Yuuouji and Yukihira returned to the classroom just as lunch break ended.
“Yaho~! I’m back!”
“How incredulous.”
I heard they both got called to the teacher’s lounge to be lectured.
Yukihira said audaciously with no trace of remorse:
“Strange, what happened to this country’s freedom of speech?”
“Don’t expect freedom of speech after scolding someone a female pig!”
“That was just a pig joke.”
“For what are you so insistent on these joke series!”
“That was just a plag joke.”
“Why are you saying it like it’s a black joke!”
“Because ‘black pig joke’ is too long and hard to pronounce.”
“That kind of thing doesn’t matter!”
“The backstage crew was even going ‘buu, buu’ at the back.”
“Don’t purposely make others out to be just like pigs!”
After I finished rebutting at Yukihira, Yuuouji pulled on the sleeves of my shirt.
“Amacchi, Amacchi, look at this!”
In her hands were a few photos.
“I printed these on the spot after taking them with my digital camera!”
The first photo was a standard pose, with the radio host in the middle, while Yuuouji and Yukihira were by her two sides. It was a little worrying to see the host’s eyes weren’t focused at all.
After you pulled something like that, you still dared to drag her in for a photograph, huh……
Following next was the second photograph.
“Yuuouji…… what’s with this one?”
The radio host had a blank look and her two legs were spread like the letter M. It was already a pretty bad situation even if you couldn’t see underneath her skirt from that angle.
“Mn, she became like this after I made her drink [B*t*h Z].”
“For goodness’ sake, that’s purely an aphrodisiac!”
Followed by the third photograph.
What’s this? Four people who looked like the backstage crew were lined up in a row and their faces were ashen.
“Yuuouji, and this is?”
“Yep, that’s the photo after I gave them [Sweets of Life: World after Death Chapter].”
“Immediately fire whoever’s making those things!”
“Alright, alright, I’ve still got something to inform you!”
Yuuouji raised her hand up high like an overconfident elementary school kid with an urge to express herself.
“Okay, go ahead.”
I went with her wishes.
“Well, I only said those experimental products were made by the researchers in order to prevent people from making judgment beforehand. Actually……”
Strange, it’s rare to see Yuuouji mince her words.
“Everything was made by me!”
“So it was you!”

Even though it wasn’t the first day I knew them, but today I once again felt deeply—
Yukihira Furano and Yuuouji Ouka.
It’s clear they deserved to be thrown into the “Black Five”.

As I reached my doorstep, I couldn’t help but to let out a sigh. So tired…… today was especially tiring. Besides the complete BS from [Absolute Options], I still had to deal with the troublesome Yukihira-Yuuouji combo. It’s just too exhausting.
And yet, people who’d meet me at the door with a ‘Welcome back’ don’t exist behind this door.
My mum moved overseas with my dad who got transferred over, and I’m now the only one left in the Amakusa household. In other words, it’s also known as ‘The Galgame Situation’ in urban legends.
In any case, I opened the door with the thought ‘I don’t feel like cooking”, just like a married wife would think.
……Someone’s in my home.
……Correction, someone’s sleeping in my home.
That’s right, sleeping, and soundly at that. There was someone in the corridor sleeping soundly.
This is ridiculous…… just what’s going on exactly. When was this? When was I hit with Medapani? (TL: it’s a spell from Dragon Quest)
But no matter how my brain was in a mess, my body moved on its own; I crouched down and shook that person forcefully.
That person rubbed her eyes and slowly got up, and looked at me sleepily.
“Fumii…… who are you?”
“That should be my question!”
Even though I said that, I already knew who she was. Soft golden hair, petite body build, a lazy voice…… hundred percent that it was that organism called Chocola from this morning.
“Ah, isn’t this Kanade-san? Welcome home!”
“Eh, ah, I’m back…… like hell I am!”
Her smile was too natural and innocent, which caused me to reply back normally.
Chill out, don’t think about solving everything at once and let’s do this one at a time.
“Firstly…… First off. How did you get into my house?”
Before I ask about her motives, I want to know first how she got past this physical barrier. The key I used to open the door was still in my pocket, and the spare key was also at home.
Chocola only replied while smiling:
“I used a special mold then I asked a locksmith to make a key for me.”
……This is completely a crime.
“Kanade-san, what’s wrong? Your complexion looks pretty poor, you know?”
“That’s because I’m in shock! I’m shocked by your actions!”
I get it; she’s just an illegal trespasser. I shouldn’t be wasting time with her; I need to chase her out immediately. Just as I decided on this and reached out—

“My mission, is to help you remove the [Curse].”

I froze on the spot.
“When you say curse, are you referring to the [Absolute Options]?”
I immediately started thinking in this direction. As expected, she nodded her head.
Is it true…… Utage-sensei did mention that I already met the requirements to get rid of the [Absolute Options]……
“Okay, let’s continue this discussion inside, come on in.”
“No, wait, why are YOU the one saying that ……”
This is suspicious…… too suspicious. However, since there’s a possibility of getting rid of the [Absolute Options], I shouldn’t be in too much of a rush to chase her out.
“Come, let’s go.”
I followed Chocola, who had an atmosphere of going on an excursion around her, into the living room.
“……What’s this?”
The perfect room temperature. The aromatic fragrance of red tea which tickled your nostrils. Cute an detailed handmade cookies. All these came together to create the perfect comfort zone.
“I was thinking that it was about time that Kanade-san came home, so I prepared all these and waited for you.”
If this were to come out of my wife’s mouth, I have no idea how blissful I’d feel; yet when you hear it from a stranger of unknown origins, it’d give you the chills instead.
“Here here, don’t stand on ceremony and help yourself.”
“No, like I said, why are YOU the one saying that……”
She pushed me to the sofa to sit down, and she began pouring the warm red tea.
“How’s the taste?”
“Mm, it’s pretty good.”
Chocola broke into a wide smile, and the dog’s tail on her head stood up high.
“I thought as much, this tea is actually pretty high quality!”
No, I was the one who bought it, of course I know.
Chocola then handed me the plate full of cookies.
“How’s the taste?”
“Mm, it’s pretty delicious.”
She broke into another wide smile.
“I thought as much, a lot of effort was actually put into this!”
No, I was the one who baked it, of course I know.
“All of this doesn’t matter…… let’s hurry and get to the main topic.”
I made gestures for her to sit down on the sofa opposite.
“Okay, what is it?”
After waiting for Chocola to take her seat, I opened my mouth to ask:
“I’ll get to the point then…… You know how to get rid of the [Absolute Options]?”
“I know!”
She nodded immediately.
No way…… I can really get rid of [Absolute Options]? I can finally be rid of this curse that’s made me suffer for a year?
“Please, tell me quickly!”
I couldn’t suppress the excitement in me and stood up unconsciously.
“Kanade-san, please calm down. To put it more accurately, the one who knows how to remove it isn’t me.”
“Then who is it?”
Faced with my question, Chocola, maintaining her own pace, said:
“It’s God.”

Intermission: Another Possibility 1

That’s right, at that time I was really shocked.
He suddenly turned to Y-Hira-san and said “Hey, let me touch your chest for a little bit, just a little bit.".
Anyone would be shocked to hear that.
Of course the entire classroom was in total silence, and do you know what happened after that? He said it one more time. “Hey, let me touch your chest for a little bit, just a little bit."
When I first knew him, he’d always do something strange suddenly…… don’t tell me, people who become musicians really have a different sense from us all?
But things didn’t end just like that. Ever since that day, he became unusually persistent about girls’ breasts…… now that I think about it, maybe “Karnadial Kanade” was born at that moment when he began sexually harassing Y-hira-san.
Ah, you want me to describe his behavior in detail? Sure, there’s so many it’s impossible to count. For example, in the classroom he suddenly took off his top—

The above excerpt was an interview of newcomer singer Karnadial Kanade’s high school classmate, conducted to commemorate his megahit debut single “Kirameki☆New Memorial”.
As the content afterwards was too vulgar, it was not used.

TL Note: original song title was きらめき☆乳メモリアル, it was a wordplay on both the word ‘tit’ in Japanese, and the word ‘new’ in English.
Last edited by UltimateOTL on Mon May 13, 2013 10:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby Alazyguy » Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:39 pm

Finally saw this novel here too bad isn't started yet and great translation
This series is getting an anime here is the official website
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby Wawv » Wed May 01, 2013 1:34 am

This is hilarious, thanks for translating it !
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby UltimateOTL » Thu May 09, 2013 10:57 pm

I'm done with Chapter one. Progress is slow but at least it's moving steadily.

Also, not sure if I get a page now or not. Do I get one?
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby Misogi » Fri May 10, 2013 1:33 am

Well, you have to create it, by yourself or by asking someone to do it.
Twitter : @MisogID
Sans plume, ni sanité (Without feathers nor sanity), a blog reeking of sickness. Wipe your minds before entering.
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Supreme Lord Temporal
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Re: 俺の脳内選択肢が、学園ラブコメを全力で邪魔している (JP Title)

Postby UltimateOTL » Fri May 10, 2013 7:55 am

Not sure if I want to have a page put up, actually. As I mentioned, this is done purely out of my own personal interest and leisure so I will definitely take my time on this (and I'm a lazy guy IRL).

Though having a page would be neater, of course.
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