Original Light Novel: Mahou Monogatari No Bear

[vkwokuh]

Hi all. This is vkwok. I'm new to the forums and I love to write. I thought I'd try my hand in making light novels. I'm not sure how much different it'll be from my usual style, but we'll just have to wait and see. I will be posting the chapters of my light novels in a new blog and posting the links here on this thread. You can find them in the Spoilers box. If you're interested, look forward to some comedy, action, maybe some drama, and a lot of supernatural! Just a note, but there might be language and themes that make this story more appropriate for fourteen and up. If you think the story's good, don't be afraid to share it with everyone you know!

Summary:

Spoiler! :

Satoru Yasabou is infamously easygoing. So easygoing, in fact, that he puts up to being pushed around and made their errand boy, having him do all their chores for them, with a smile. However, Satoru is, in fact, a sorcerer from a powerful clan. He ran away after a falling out with his family two years ago and now seeks to lead a peaceful life as owner, manager, and housekeeper of a boarding house. But that's going to be hard when two girls show up in his class, one being his younger half-sister, and the other a former fiance! Follow along as he navigates through the changes in his life with them around, and see what supernatural messes they wind up in.

Old Chapters here:

Spoiler! :

Chapter 1
http://vkwokuholn.blogspot.com/2014/10/ ... ter-1.html


Chapter 2
http://vkwokuholn.blogspot.com/2014/10/ ... ter-2.html

Chapter 3
http://vkwokuholn.blogspot.com/2014/11/ ... ter-3.html


Chapter 4
http://vkwokuholn.blogspot.com/2014/11/ ... ter-4.html


Chapter 5
http://vkwokuholn.blogspot.com/2014/11/ ... ter-5.html

Chapter 6
http://vkwokuholn.blogspot.com/2014/11/ ... ter-6.html

Chapter 7
http://vkwokuholn.blogspot.com/2014/12/ ... ter-7.html

Chapter 8
http://vkwokuholn.blogspot.com/2015/01/ ... pter-8.htm

Chapter 9
http://vkwokuholn.blogspot.com/2015/01/ ... ter-9.html

(Latest Chapter!)

Spoiler! :

Chapter 10: http://vkwokuholn.blogspot.com/2015/03/ ... er-10.html

4/5/2015 Edit: Updated Link to Chapter 10. Find it under "Latest Chapter!"

[vkwokuh]

Okay, so i decided to just put all the links into one reply box, the first one. So you can all easily find all the chapters in one place. Enjoy!

[vkwokuh]

Just updated the first post box with CHapter 3

[gamerbaki]

The first three chapters are a smooth-read (as for me who is not that expert in English), maybe because the writer is a native English speaker just as your nationality says.

Although the chapters are relatively short (I managed to finished reading the first 3 chapters in one sitting), they still manage to tell the events clearly, although I am still thinking if the story is going fast or something.

By the way, did you already finished writing this story or you are going to write it on the spot?
I once check your site out of curiosity and discovered that you are writing stories aside from this one on BT.

That makes you one hell of a busy man, I say.

Anyway, I'll wait for the next release of chapters.

--gamerbaki

[vkwokuh]

Yes, Gamerbaki. I am writing it on the spot. I'm working on the next chapter right now. Thanks for your comment, and I"m glad you enjoyed the chapter so far. I intend to get the next chapter out as soon as possible. Look forward to it!

[vkwokuh]

Chapter 4 is out. Just check out the first post.

[vkwokuh]

Chapter 5 is released! Find the link in the spoiler box in the first post.

[vkwokuh]

Chapter 6 is out. Check out the link in the first post!

[vkwokuh]

Chapter 7 is out! Check the first post for the link in the spoilers.

[Calculatrix]

I read the first chapter, and it was written very well. I could not find any mistakes, which is a first as well as a blessing, and I thought that that is very appealing.

The two things that I personally do not like about your story is how you include Japanese honorifics and, every so often, emoticons. I understand that, by adding Japanese honorifics, it adds to the setting and clearly shows me that you know how to use them. Which is not bad, I just personally do not enjoy reading stories that have honorifics. However, there are exceptions to that, as there are many, if not all(seriously) of the translated Light Novels on BT have them. Honestly, I can not really remember. The emoticons, for me anyway, are completely unnecessary because I am able to picture how the characters react, as well as their facial expressions, from the few words that have been given to describe the character's(s') expression.

Now, I am not saying to stop writing like this, because I can tell that this is how you personally write and I have no right to stop you. I would not want to stop you anyways, because you can write it however you want.

I definitely did not think that the first chapter was bad, but I didn't really enjoy it either. I have this bookmarked for a later read, and from gamerbaki's comment, I can tell that it picks up as the story continues. Well, I'm pretty sure almost every story is like that, so I find it pretty normal. Anyway, good luck and most of all have fun writing.

[vkwokuh]

Thanks, Calculatrix. I really appreciate your review of my story. I've already begun stopping using emotes, though that's mostly unconscious. I'm also planning to write another light novel alongside Mahou Monogatari No Bear, even though I already have close to five other writing projects ongoing right now. You can find out about those in the Links page of the blog my stories are in. If you'd like, you can check it out as well when it comes out. Though, it'll probably be a while before that happens. Maybe a few weeks . . .

[vkwokuh]

FINALLY GOT THE LATEST CHAPTER OUT! Sorry for the long wait. Chapter 8 is released on my blog. Just scroll through the first post until you find the Chapter 8 Spoiler!

[vkwokuh]

Hey, just posted Chapter 9 at last. Find it in the first post. Hope you enjoy it. Happy reading everyone!

[vkwokuh]

Hey, finally finished the latest chapter of Mahou Monogatari No Bear, renamed to Mahou Monogatari no Teddy Bear. Check it out at the first post. Any constructive reviews is appreciated.