Mia to Shosetsu Cafe

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Maou-chan
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Mia to Shosetsu Cafe

Post by Maou-chan »

As everyone wouldn't know. I'm new upon everything around here. New at this site, new at making a forum post, and also new at writing stuffs like this, especially making such a series as this out of nowhere starting yesterday. Though my beliefs if people would see that I really loved most of the light novels translated in here, and even I don't know much about the Japanese much compared to others, I believed that I have this kind of determination to finish a difficult task I never attempted to try before.

For a lazy Filipino youth like me, attempting to write a light novel would raise some question if ever I would handle that task or not, or perhaps receiving a good reception or not. But when I actually finalized all the events happening in the first volume last night without much of a sleep, plus making the prologue part only by this morning, disregarding that English wasn't my mother language, why not to try finishing this one as well? I'm might also planning to post two to three volumes, but before that I think I must finished first a full-fledged novel before such wishful thinking will occur. Especially when I'm pretty much often, I guess.

Now, forget all those whines about my faults, and let's get to my series, shall we? Like what I said earlier, this is purely an original light novel made by me, though don't raise some sort of high expectation toward me. Yet promised to you that even my grammars, and negligence to regard "Mia" as "Mai", I would promise to you, those who would willingly want to read this forum topic, to finish a volume as much as possible in the best of my ability.

The series called Mia to Shosetsu Cafe, or in English: Mia and the Novel Cafe. Well, why Novel Cafe? I might have an answer or two to provide to you as spoiler, but since I didn't make the Chapter 1 yet right now, since I just started my writing only this morning. But I assured to you, this will turn out into a great series.

So the moment you'd been waiting for, the long Prologue. Composed of almost 2000 words without proofreading due to my excitement upon posting it to everyone at Baka-Tsuki. I'll be posting the other chapters of my [Volume 1] Series, so please be patience at me as much as possible as my college works were to be involved. Enjoy.

Note: Please be wary that there are two narrators here, so be cautious where the viewpoint will be shifted from one to other.
Spoiler! :
When you are either a mangaka or just a storyteller, the period where you could gather good materials upon your own series is by observing this school during afternoon.

Club activity is one of the materials that most school life stories have in common, though I pretty used up this idea on my previous work, and I don’t want my story this time to revolve around it.

That’s why, today, at my school rooftop, I secretly arrived here without further notice on my classmates below, sneaking those stalkers that might ruined this moment. I wanted to do my own work today, not by writing my manuscript like in my apartment, but thinking ideas while observing people from above for my newest story to featured out in my newest project I’m planning to make.

But days ago, in attempts that I could gather some information around this campus, I found nothing that could make an appeal to my readers, other than establishing a commune such a club in the first place. I see how BokuTomo became appealing to read, and its popularity soared higher right into its first year of publication. I really wanted to right something that is popular to people in all ages, you know…

To became popular, huh?

“Hey, isn’t that Yukinase Mia? Yukinase-san?”

I’d never thought upon that possibility on my four years of being a serialized author. Maybe a right marketing mindset is what I needed in order to recognize my work.

“Yes, you idiot! Don’t see that she got the most beautiful face upon this campus? With her long well-trimmed brown hair and well-proportioned body statistics likewise of a model, expect any student here in Hideaki High to be overwhelm by our beloved Yuki-sama.”

Being diligent in your work, finishing the job that have been provided to you, and providing a ‘decent’ work that could attract even few people that have the desire to read my blood and sweat novel wholeheartedly are things that my experience me realized how fulfilling being an author is. Thanks to some of the lessons of my literature club, as well as my habitual desire to write anything that came unto my mind before sleeping on my diary when I was little, anyone could imagine that I was doing very ‘decent’ upon my stories so far.

“And on top of that, she was alone this time, trying to wait unto the edge of this rooftop for someone who will take her away in the lifetime. Man, I wish I was the one who is her boyfriend right now…”

But is being ‘decent’ enough to become satisfied upon pursuing a career? Anyone would think upon honing their skills and capabilities so they could reach upon the peak of their dreams.

“Huh? You, with Yuki-sama? I’ll die a million times laughing at you when it happened to you right now. Such valor and fortune that she possessed right now, plus her charm and intelligence that anyone could envied with, how such a perfect being would pick an imbecile thing like you?”

Hmm…

“So you’re picking a fight toward me now? I don’t care if you’re a fangirl of our dear Yukinase-san, but better watch out your mouth around here. Do you want to screwed up so badly?”

“Yeah!”

“She only belongs to Yukinase Mia Fan Club, so step outta here!”

Them again? How they manage to track me down this time?

“So a loser always remain a loser here. I could figure out how its club members are composed by number of morons and airheads who didn’t know how to properly communicate a girl at this school in a polite manner.”

“Step out to Yuki-sama once and for all. She wouldn’t considering any losers from your club anyway.”

“Our infamous Yuki-sama All-Girls Society would be the only one that our superior goddess of perfection could notice with!”

Now they ruined again my afternoon. That’s why I’m still ‘decent’ right now at work; there’s many room for distractions anywhere that loses my attention on the task I needed to finish. It’s better to leave this place now.

“What? Yuki-sama is leaving the rooftop now! Run!”

“Shit! I don’t want her to get angry at us again! I cursed that day when Yukinase-san get angry at us!”

0 ------ o ------ o

*yawn*

I’ll be expecting a good sleep on Thursdays afternoon. It is one thing I consider a treasure that needed to be cherish, but still different to attain.

“Prepared now, guys! Yukinase-san is now approaching at this classroom!”

It’s still a week after midterms, but it is unusual for most of my classmate to become cooperative at each other in these circumstances. Such way, in another viewpoint, to ruin my blissful sleep in this room.

“Kyaah! It’s Yuki-sama! I cannot believe unto my eyes!”

I really appreciated that most students here in Hideaki High are so unique you could see them stating the obvious out of nowhere, but please, not upon this day where I could only find in peace alone.

“Yukinase-san…” “Yuki-sama…”

“Welcome back at this room!”

What kind of scenario is this, a secluded elite private academy? Bowing to her like an emperor sure is a everyday feast to a Hideakian culture nowadays. I took the pleasure of going out at this school early except for this day for me not be influenced by this illness of teenagers nowadays. But such occurrences sure is pleasant, if these people were not 3D.

“Hey Nishima, why are you still here in this class?”

It is natural for me to hate some loyal fans of her when they ruined my nap, even I don’t do anything provoking to piss them so hard every period breaks at school. As if my presence to them is an object of hate and disgust.

“And how you could you not pay respect to our dear Yuki-sama every time she arrived in here?”

Usually, I don’t response on this half-baked whines in which I think I have no gains in the end. But for waking me up in my very short nap, in which every second counts, pissing me off is one thing I don’t want for them to receive right at this moment.

“Yuki-sama, huh? What a baseless stuff for people like you who didn’t know how to treat the right person properly.”
Without thinking, I went overboard over that time. And now I recognized all of those praises and yells from outside to their beloved idol were to reduce to a silent and stares toward me, I think that today would be the final day where I could sleep peacefully on my Thursday afternoon here in Hideaki.

“Nishima Mamoru…”

“That no-good classmate of Yuki-sama.”

“If he wasn’t the principal's favorite, I would kill him somewhere… no, even slaughter him into pieces and burn him afterwards until no sign on his ashes would remain upon this world.”

“Yeah! I’ll agree with that!” “Me too!”

Well done, Mamoru, for making yourself this school No. 1 enemy. What a hassle. When I hated this 3D world for countless reasons, the world itself also hated me.

As much as I’m awake at that time due to my stupidity, I looked unaffected unto their criticism since I’m used to it, and then I left my sit on the far edge of the room suddenly. I like this spot closer to the window ,which gives me upon a good ventilation good for sleeping: not so cold but not so hot either. But due to my today’s mistake, finding a good spot to sleep is hard now, though since I’m very anemic when I lacked sleep due to my night-shift works.

Like I said earlier, I wouldn’t fail upon their simple threats that might looked intimidating, but lack promises and initiation. But only that afternoon, I felt one threat that was more powerful than the other, halting my movement upon leaving this room with numerous crowd outside.

“Nishima Mamoru, isn’t it? I heard that you kneel down at our principal before you admitted at this school, right?”

The infamous Yukinase Mia has spoken unto me for the first time, with the succession of cheers from our devoted classmates who rarely know about how the true nature of this girl was. That was obviously a lie, yet a strong force held back to me at that moment I received those words, trying to provoke me to start an argument to her with such deliberation to speak to her equally with might.

“For a person with high merits to be interested to me, I know that you know that you’re wasting your time now speaking to me. Because sorry about this, but I don’t feel arguing about you about stuff that you hear elsewhere without reason.”
I’ve expected more boos here. But I knew that our little chat won’t end easily as she showed some of her usual stance by crossing her arms before continuing.

“Getting full upon yourself this time. Being arrogant and prideful at the same time. I could understand why no one at our school dares to befriend someone at the likes of your intolerable behavior.” What a pain in the ass that we were doing a drama theater here, ad-libbed, with people taking for granted to enjoy this development, while me in frustration on finding ways how to get out at this situation. Quickly as possible.

“So does you.”

“Huh?”

I never desired to reveal this to her, but right now sleeping is my main priority than speaking to anyone right now. If anyone knew how hard for me to skip indulgence of slumber in times like this. I’m blaming this mainly to the recession this place offered to us now.

“Wanting to be alone because no one meets your standards now,” I sighed as if I could see towards her, “Isn’t you and I are pretty much the same toward the start, where in order to become satisfied upon our current affairs, we went so far upon something far ahead than what we expected to be.”

“What are you trying to say to…”

“I know your secrets, Yukinase. Watch every words you say against me, or else…” Well, I do know only one so far, though it was enough for me to make her shut her mouth against me when I am still at this school, right at this time when I’m still your typical high school student.

“What secrets… To mention my name in such manner as… Hey you, are you planning to leave the fight now?”

“I give up now. You win. Now please, if you might find me unpleasant not bowing at you,” I’ve do what I say otherwise without any hesitation into my heart, “I’m leaving this place now.”

I silently left that room afterwards, ignoring those who got some guts to follow me around. But all of them gave up unto me when I left the school, and probably do some sort of bad rumors and grudges upon my back without giving it much thought. But they I know that they wouldn’t do that far towards me, because I was in my grandfather’s brother school, such authority that made me lucky to live toward the present unto this school.

But one thought came unto my mind.

Yukinase Mia. The popular girl in our class. And the secret that I never thought that matched towards her.

She’s also an otaku, just like me. Though not an obsessed type, but still considered as knowledgeable and fearful when you dealt her with stuffs, especially the ones coming across the trend right now.

But just like me, she used another identity to cover up herself. Though that other identity…

…is something that only I could see the privilege unto it.

“I never expected that seeing her in Shosetsu Café at Akihabara would become handy for me sometimes.”
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Mystes
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Re: Mia to Shosetsu Cafe

Post by Mystes »

The things I want to point out:

-When there's a monologue, maybe you should use the ()
-Please indicate who's talking, since it can be confusing atsome times.
-What does 'infamous' exactly mean?
-Physical description would be great.

Overall, I loved the first part, but try to not go in thesame kind of storyas Nogisaka Himitsu, OK?
Kira0802

#campione at rizon for some #campione discussions~~ And other stuffs.
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Maou-chan
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Re: Mia to Shosetsu Cafe

Post by Maou-chan »

kira0802 wrote:The things I want to point out:

-When there's a monologue, maybe you should use the ()
-Please indicate who's talking, since it can be confusing atsome times.
-What does 'infamous' exactly mean?
-Physical description would be great.

Overall, I loved the first part, but try to not go in thesame kind of storyas Nogisaka Himitsu, OK?
Yeah, I really keep that in mind. Though thanks for complimenting my crappy first, at least.
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b0mb3r
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Re: Mia to Shosetsu Cafe

Post by b0mb3r »

While I am not an expert here I hope I can point out a few things:

- I got confused who was talking. The suppose "page breaker" lead me to believe we are reading the same character's thought until the argument.

- Is good you are using a mix of both people's comment of who they think the characters are by dialogue. You can apply further by how describing how "disgusting" the male looks are through other's eyes too. You sort of describe the female character but is still very vague.

My impression is personal and not at all direct at you. School setting and popular girl troupes are just so cliche to me. Maybe is overdone or I just never had a "popular" girl in my high school days but I do think is over extragerated at times. But this is the most important lesson I can give you.

Cliches are cliches but execution is most important. Like what your character said, we all have the same beginning, is how well you portray the progression and journey of your story. I admire your passion and I wish you good effort on your diligences.
.
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baka baka baka
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Mystes
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Re: Mia to Shosetsu Cafe

Post by Mystes »

I think b0mb3r is right. I know it's difficult, but try to find a 'third exit', and don't just choose between two options. Try to think out all possible characteristics, and make a mix of them. Though it needs to be harmonious.
Kira0802

#campione at rizon for some #campione discussions~~ And other stuffs.
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Guest
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Re: Mia to Shosetsu Cafe

Post by Guest »

b0mb3r wrote:While I am not an expert here I hope I can point out a few things:

- I got confused who was talking. The suppose "page breaker" lead me to believe we are reading the same character's thought until the argument.

- Is good you are using a mix of both people's comment of who they think the characters are by dialogue. You can apply further by how describing how "disgusting" the male looks are through other's eyes too. You sort of describe the female character but is still very vague.

My impression is personal and not at all direct at you. School setting and popular girl troupes are just so cliche to me. Maybe is overdone or I just never had a "popular" girl in my high school days but I do think is over extragerated at times. But this is the most important lesson I can give you.

Cliches are cliches but execution is most important. Like what your character said, we all have the same beginning, is how well you portray the progression and journey of your story. I admire your passion and I wish you good effort on your diligences.
Yeah, I'd admitted that I lacked how my "prologue" goes toward the end, but even so...

But this is how my "prologue" should turned out to be. I got some twists unto my next chapters, and I'm using this part as a sort of introduction towards this light novel. What I wanted to achieve here is how the two characters had gone into a situation from the start, since understanding it (even vaguely) would give you the idea how the life of these two goes "inside" this school. Think all the aspect I've written there at my beginning as a sort of foreshadowing technique, since I hadn't started a chapter here yet.

Though, about the "page breaker", this wouldn't ever again on my next chapter since there's now a specific narrator who got his job to provide a story under 10k words per chapter. About school life cliches, its inevitable for people to hate those kind of genre, though much of my hope that there are some who would consider liking it.

I am still in the beginning, though with the advices I received with you, I really appreciated how those would help me shaped on how should this series must turned out to be, so does the one writing it. My passion that driven me to finish a volume series goes onto the inspiration I gathered toward being an active reader of this site (and maybe, personal experience), and I really wanted to implement the things that I learned here, so other readers like me could also learn upon my work, too.
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Maou-chan
Astral Realm

Re: Mia to Shosetsu Cafe

Post by Maou-chan »

b0mb3r wrote:While I am not an expert here I hope I can point out a few things:

- I got confused who was talking. The suppose "page breaker" lead me to believe we are reading the same character's thought until the argument.

- Is good you are using a mix of both people's comment of who they think the characters are by dialogue. You can apply further by how describing how "disgusting" the male looks are through other's eyes too. You sort of describe the female character but is still very vague.

My impression is personal and not at all direct at you. School setting and popular girl troupes are just so cliche to me. Maybe is overdone or I just never had a "popular" girl in my high school days but I do think is over extragerated at times. But this is the most important lesson I can give you.

Cliches are cliches but execution is most important. Like what your character said, we all have the same beginning, is how well you portray the progression and journey of your story. I admire your passion and I wish you good effort on your diligences.
Yeah, I'd admitted that I lacked how my "prologue" goes toward the end, but even so...

But this is how my "prologue" should turned out to be. I got some twists unto my next chapters, and I'm using this part as a sort of introduction towards this light novel. What I wanted to achieve here is how the two characters had gone into a situation from the start, since understanding it (even vaguely) would give you the idea how the life of these two goes "inside" this school. Think all the aspect I've written there at my beginning as a sort of foreshadowing technique, since I hadn't started a chapter here yet.

Though, about the "page breaker", this wouldn't ever again on my next chapter since there's now a specific narrator who got his job to provide a story under 10k words per chapter. About school life cliches, its inevitable for people to hate those kind of genre, though much of my hope that there are some who would consider liking it.

I am still in the beginning, though with the advices I received with you, I really appreciated how those would help me shaped on how should this series must turned out to be, so does the one writing it. My passion that driven me to finish a volume series goes onto the inspiration I gathered toward being an active reader of this site (and maybe, personal experience), and I really wanted to implement the things that I learned here, so other readers like me could also learn upon my work, too.
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