please help...

Project of creative fiction that can be related to light novels or of an original nature.

Moderators: Fringe Security Bureau, Senior Editors, Senior Translators, Alt. Language Translator/Editor, Executive Council, Project Translators, Project Editors

Post Reply
User avatar
cenatu
Kyonist
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2010 11:26 am
Favourite Light Novel:

please help...

Post by cenatu »

ok guys i came up with another story. i'll pitch it here. this would be considered the first part of the first chapter. its not finished cuz its like 1:30 in the morning and i need to sleep. so i'll put it here and hopefully i'll have some feedback tomorrow. thanks, minna-san!
Spoiler! :
It was a time of war and magic. It was a time of darkness and hopelessness. It was a time many call The Blackened Æon. Our story starts at a small encampment in the Realm of Dragons. A trail of smoke still arises from a nonexistent fire next to a small stream in a clearing in the woods.
“Hey Toko! Get back here!” a man shouted into the woods.
He was a large bald man with a muscly figure and long beard. Symbolic tattoos adorned his entire body. He wore a thick set of armor as black as night. He had one eye open, the other was tightly shut.
“Shut up, old man,” a female voice yelled back, “I've got to pee! And don’t call me that. I've told you a million times. Call me Fire!”
“That girl will be the death of me…” the man muttered under his breath, “Always running off without telling me. And in enemy territory no less! And I’ll call you what I will. I found you with naught but a name and a blanket. The blanket is long since gone, but the name remains.” He said in a louder voice.
“I heard that, Særd! A lady needs privacy sometimes. We’re not like you oafish men, going into bars all the time just to punch each other's lights out! And it is my name. Should I not have freedom with it?”
“Did you not start a bar fight just two nights ago? How many of us ‘oafs’ did you knock out then? Hmm…? Was it seven…?”
“Nine, and don’t you forget it. You’re thinking of last week at The Open Wineskin. Filthy place…” There were footsteps on branches as she emerged from the forest.
She was a natural beauty. Long, raven black hair hung down her back to the middle of her thighs. Her skin was alabaster white. She had long, thin fingers clad in a pair of leather gloves. Her only flaw was the eye patch over her right eye. Her left eye was a brilliant orange, like a freshly washed pumpkin. Her name was Toko Firerain. She wore a pair of leather leggings and a light tunic.
“Hey, Særd, gimme some of that meat.”
“Excuse me, Særd, could I please have some meat?” the man called Særd said as though talking to a youngster. “And stop frowning. It'll make you wrinkle. At least that’s what the ladies say. Also, take off that stupid eye patch. You look like an idiot. You're a dark elf. Deal with it.”
“Hey! This helps me avoid any unnecessary attention. People don’t like our kind. That’s why you found me in the first place. My tribe didn’t want me. So they threw me away. That’s how people operate. Once people see my eye, they won’t like me, and they’ll try to kill me. Then I’ll kill them in order to get away. This eye causes me nothing but trouble! I should just rip it out and let it be over with!” she yelled into the air.
“Shh… To-Fire. Calm down. It’s okay. Nobody would hurt you or try to kill you. They’d have to get through me first. You know you're like a daughter to me. Id protect you with my life if I had to.” Særd said in a soothing voice.
“That’s easy for you to say! You opted out of the whole thing and got rid of your heritage!” she yelled. “You didn’t want it, so you threw it away.”
“Hush, girl!” Særd boomed. Toko Firerain winced. “you know nothing of what happened!”
i realize its not much to go by, but do what you can with what i gave. there will be moar to follow.
thanks...
Image
If you notice this notice, you'll notice this notice is not worth noticing.
Post Reply

Return to “Creative works”