Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

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ginbrix_013
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Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

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Spoiler! :
Prologue

“Get out of there!” I yelled this to the stationary girl under the falling tower. Huh? Tower how is it possible for a tower to fall? Anyway I run to her so that I can rescue her. I run as quick as I can almost that all of the adrenaline that I stock for years comes out rushing from my brain.

I stretched my hands so that I can reach her on time, then I witness that she has come right before my eyes. She stared at me with eyes that are searching for something then she smile. I thought myself what a cute smile in her face. She suddenly touches my face with those delicate and small hands. Honestly my heart skips a beat with just those actions.

After quite a long time she spoke to me. “I’ am still waiting for you, this is only an emergency but I’m happy very happy to see you.” And then she smiled. With this words my mind got confused I mean very confused because of the words “waiting” and why is she happy for seeing me?

When the hiding moon appeared on the night sky I’m totally mesmerized with her beauty. Long hair that looks like the deepest darkness I ever see in my life. Those pair of eyes painted in blue is like the endless ocean. Her figured is no doubt a masterpiece of god. Everything about her is exceptionally gorgeous.

Then she hugged me as if never wanting to let go of me even for a second. I felt a strange feeling being hugged by her, usually when someone hugged me especially the opposite sex I don’t feel any attraction or anything for me it is only a physical contact nothing more nothing less. After a quite sometimes she released me from her embraced then again focus at my face. Ah I look directly at those ocean blue eyes. Something in me starts to throb. I don’t know if it was my heart or my blood. But I like what I’m feeling right now it feels like I’m feeling stronger and stronger every minutes she touches me.

“I’ am going to be with you soon so wait for me.” With those words she averted her eyes away from me. I can see that she is blushing. Ah she’s so cute. With so much confusing stuff finally my brain started to function even for a bit. I forced out my voice “Who are you?” this is the only thing I can ask for now.

Feeling a little bit awkward she averted her eyes again then id the following “Who am I. My name… umm… that is… right I don’t have a name.” she started to panic. I’ am surprised with myself to comfort her even I still don’t know her very much. I place my hands on her shoulder that’s trembling. I gazed at those beautiful eyes then I said “How do you want me to call you?”

Still trembling she muttered in almost inaudible voice. “Please call me Yuuki, people call me that way.” I smile at her. Then I called up her name. “Yuuki” she slightly quivered but embraced me again but this time it is like embracing me as if her life depends on me. After a while I heard a familiar sound that’s very irritating. I tried to ignore it but I can’t stand it anymore.

“Rrrrrrrrrrriiiiiinnnnnnnnggggggg~~~~~”

“Hiyahhhhh.” I started to scratch my head while feeling strange a gazed around me there’s no falling tower and no girl that is embracing me.

“Huh. A dream???” sorry for that but this is the only thing that I can say after having that strange dream.


Chapter 1

I got up to bed still scratching my head to think is it really a dream? But some part of my brain says that it isn’t, it is so realistic for a dream. After I take a bath eat my breakfast until all the way to school it stills bugs me. This is the only time I feel so frustrated. I can’t take it anymore!!! I scream “AHHHH!!! Who are you!!!” after that I realized that I’ am in front of my shoe looker all of the attention of the crowd is now focused on me. They might think that I loosed some screws out of my brain and that makes me even more frustrated I quickly put on my shoes then run to the corridor leading to my classroom.

As soon as I arrived at my seat I put my bag on my desk and slump on it. Now I have no strength to go through the day. I breathe in and out to calm and gathered my remaining strength. Then somebody tapped my shoulder. I sighed. Because I already knew who is this person.

“Yo. Senri. Huh? You look so dispirited.”

Yep you hear it right my name is Senri. Senri Namikawa. Yeah, yeah I will tell you this, only this time. I ‘am not a normal human, you see not normal as in not normal. Why? It is simply I can summon different kinds of weapon from nothing. That quite a shock but believe me that is normal for me. I will talk you some detailed later but my power is call by my friends is “The Armament of Heaven”.

“Hey Kazu what’s up?” I replied with no heart on it.

“You’re the one who’s up to something and you’re asking me. I heard from a bunch of idiots that someone on the shoe looker began shouting saying. “Who are you?” to the world. Hahahaha. I can’t imagine you in that kind of attitude.” He replied laughing at me.

“That’s nothing I’m just daydreaming right there. I don’t know what happen to me.” I answer him without looking at him.

“Okay. Fine. I won’t dig in with that subject. Say Senri we’re going to the newly opened anime shop at the shopping district want to come?” he said with a smile on his face and I quickly response to him.

“We? Who is the other one?” I began to dig in my brain who could be the one who could get along with Kazu Nirikawa, especially an otaku that doesn’t care about other people and a member of S6.

I stared at him, a very questioning stare. He felt that his life is reducing bit by bit. Then he answers me with a startled expression. “Ah…yeah I forgot to pick my manga inside my shoe looker. Hahaha~” he leaves me with a dry laugh. I only smile while he leaves the room. I don’t care about his issue anymore what I’ am concerned is the girl in my dream.

The class was so boring so I nearly dozed off to dreamland but I fight it with all I got, well that doesn’t matter at all whether I sleep in the class or not, because I already know what are the lesson’s about. You are wondering why right. Well I’m quite a smart to be exact. With that the teacher’s doesn’t care about it honestly so they just leave me alone. Honestly even my classmate do the same some of them treat me as if I don’t exist, others just befriend me due to helping them with academic problem. But I can always rely on my fellow student just like me with not normal. I mean that ummm…. They are treated not normal like Kazu. He is an otaku to the root of his personality. But there are four still left with especially case and those are my dear friends and other calls us “S6” or Strange 6. We were treated differently except for Kazu he’s the most sociable among the S6 so he’s not that bad of an otaku.

I stretch my hands out and yawn. I looked at my mobile phone. It’s nearly time to go home. Another day of school ended without much happening. I grab my bag and headed out of the room then someone grab me by the collar. “Ehhh!” I couldn’t help but to be surprised I immediately look for who did grab me.

She was a girl with long brown colored hair in a ponytail she’s not that tall you can say that we’re almost the same height but this girl treated me as if I’ am a weakling or her underling. You see she’s the only one that treated me like ordinary person yet she’s not one of the abnormal beings in this school. She’s an exception with other students here she doesn’t care a thing about me and just do whatever she wants with me.

“What is it Asuna?” Her name is Asuna Sakagami. I replied with an unenergetic voice so that she can sense that I’m not interested in anything she brings out.

“Hey! Senri come with me for a minute.” She commanded me without any logical reason. Then she drags me into the corridor until we reach the stairs going to the rooftop. She just throws me to the wall. What an inconsiderate girl. Sigh.

Scratching my head Asuna stare at me with her eyes focusing onto mine. After a few second a tint of blush flustered on her face then she quickly averted her eyes. Huh? Why is she blushing? By any chance she’s in love with me? Then with a scowled on her face she said the following.

“Oi! Senri go to my house today I can’t understand our lesson and that hair bald freak is going to give us a long exam. So you better tutor me today.”

I ‘am lost at words not because of that, she’s like my other classmate that only comes to me wanting to be tutored but because my earlier thought is thrown at the window. Still I manage to contain my composure so that she will not notice me.

“Sigh you should be more attentive in class so that you won’t needed to be tutored. Sigh.” I answered her with half open eyes. Well I can’t keep up with her.

“I don’t want to be lectured by someone that only sleeps in class the entire time.” She counters me with pouting lips.

If this goes on I will lose to her in this argument and will only bring more stress to myself. So I give up. “Sigh. Alright I get it what time?” I answer without strength.

“Okay come to my house at six. I want it six sharp. Okay. You got that.”

I nod as if losing my soul. Why do I feel like despite for being not normal I ‘am treated like this? Honestly I can just ignored her and get on my track but you can say this is a token of gratitude for treating me normally. I’m losing every time I argue with her.

After that conversation we headed to our classroom where I left my bag. Then I a girl tap my back. Her name is Shiori Kirishima. She’s one of the S6. She’s the student council president in our school. Well she is my friend she quite reliable and she likes to help other but she don’t show any emotion as much as possible. I don’t know why she always wears her poker face ignoring that she quite a beauty too. She’s taller than me because her long legs. Her hair is only at shoulder length. Her especially ability is psycho telekinesis. She can make things move or she can violate physics and she can read minds but all of the members of S6 are immune to her for no particular reason, maybe it is because we have also especially ability. We call that as “Eye of Handcrafts”.

“We got a meeting today.” After she says that she completely leaves us. I ‘am used to her character so I nodded then I quickly glances at Asuna. “Umm… Asuna I will just see you later we got a meeting.” I bid farewell to Asuna for the time being because later I will go to her house to tutor her.

I follow the tracks of Shiori leading to the student council room. We used it as a base for the S6, nobody complaint about using it but to get things straight we help the student council as a cover up so that we can used it from time to time. I arrived at the student council room there are four people already waiting. They are the members of S6. When I notice we’re still one member short. Ahh. Yeah the ones missing is the most sociable thing within the S6 Kazu.

“Where’s Kazu?” I asked them.

“Don’t know. He still hangs out with those faired headed idiots.” The one who answer me is the most rebellious but quite reliable in the group. His name is Akira Narukami. His style is quite bizarre. He always has a pair of large headset hanging on his neck and his ability is to control fire or “Flame Blaze”. Actually he and Kazu are elemental users. He can manipulate fire while Kazu can control electricity “Lightning Rail” despite being both elemental user they have both different personality. Akira is a loner totally different from Kazu.

“Hey watch your mouth Aki-chan. I only turn my back for a while but now you’re badmouthing my idiotic friends. Hahahahaha.” Kazu barged into the room. But Shiori hammered her fist into Kazu’s head. He slumped on the floor because of the inertia from the fist of Shiori.

“Hey. Enough with that, we are all in here right now so let’s begin our meeting. Shiori-san, please proceed.” The one that interrupt Shiori and Kazu while reading a thick book with leaving his eyes on it, I guess it’s about a medical disease was Ezekiel Niwa. As you can see, he’s a bookworm and he is the most intelligent among the S6 and probably in school but he is and total loner in his class I think that we’re the only ones that can talk to him normally.

Ezekiel’s power is referred to “Tactical Alliance”. He can see a glimpse of the future and he link our consciousness altogether for emergency purposes but he says that linking consciousness required a lot of concentration and the side effects is really troublesome for him. He gets a severe headache for using it so we only use it when we’re in a pinch.

Shiori steps forward to the podium and started talking. “The school will accept a transfer student.”

“Hey hey hey. What thing does a transfer student matter to us S6?” Another S6 member interrupts Shiori. Her name is Raira Fumisuki. Well she’s very athletic and she’s the captain of the women track and field team. Not so unusual for her special ability she has a super strong physical strength but she never uses her strength on the field. She said she only uses it to save others. She has a pure heart. She decided herself to call her ability as “Stronghold of Justice”. I think she wants to be a hero someday that will save lives of people.

Shiori glare at her and said the following word emotionlessly. “It concern us, from my investigation she is also an abnormal entity. For which she also make trouble surrounding her and based on the documents she will be in the same class with Senri-kun (even though Shiori said that Senri will be classmate with the transfer student but Senri and Kazu are also classmate.).” After she finishes her explanation she focuses on me.

“Her name is Miyuuki Hanabishi. She from the prestigious all female school and she is night class student. Well a night class student means that she is highly skilled and smart. But what I’ am worried is that whenever mourning arrived she just disappears in my surveillance. Which quite strange all of you know one of my additional skills is to see through any humans which I have contact with. All of them didn’t see where she goes from school.” Shiori explain the circumstances regarding the new transfer student that will be my classmate.

“So I think that her existence is bizarre and she suddenly wanted to transfer to our school which doesn’t have anything special compare to an all-female school that treated the excellent student to the fullest. So I want to warn you to be careful on handing her, especially you Senri-kun.” She said in an emotionless tone again while shifting her gaze to everyone and until my name is call she stare at me.

“So in other words you want us to be cautious with that transfer student? Hey. Shiori-chan can’t you just read her mind so that we can be in ease?” Kazu said in a tone that’s quite irritating.

“I have done that many times but I can’t read her thoughts. I think she has ability like ours or perhaps her entire being is strange itself. That’s why I want you to be cautious in front of her.” Shiori replied with a stern expression.

“Again. Be careful on handling the new transfer student Miyuuki Hanabishi. Is it clear? Meeting adjourned.” Shiori ended the meeting with those parting words to us.

When I ‘am about to leave the student council room Kazu block my way out.

“Hey Sen-chan regarding our early discussion are you going with us to the anime shop I’m talking about? I’ll introduce you to some friends of mine. Hahahaha! That will sure be fun. Come on.” He said while hanging his arm in my shoulder with his arms.

“No. I think I will pass I got some appointment to attend later, so, next time then.” I quickly separate from him. I don’t want to be a distraction on him when he is going out with his friends those who are normal.

I ‘am walking idly through the corridor as if Shiori’s words are nothing meant to me. But to be sure I will keep distance with the new transfer student in my class. But for now I will just go with my life. As soon as I get myself inside of the classroom someone was there. She’s sleeping onto my desk. She is Asuna. I wonder why she is there and why not on her own desk.

I think I will play a prank on her so that I can be equal to her and give her stress. Here’s the situation I will pretend that she has entered a parallel world for which we are lovers and will go out right now. Hahahaha just thinking that I can feel my victory towards her.

“Hey! Asuna, wake up. Where going out on a date now so wipe out your drool.” I said this while tapping her shoulder. I can almost see what her reaction is. It’s something like “What the hell are you saying” with a blushed face. I’m so there.

“Ahh? Senri, you took so long. Where are we going on our date?” she just stare at me absentminded.

!!! It’s totally different from what I imagined but I will not lose to her I’ll just pretend and then pull my tsukkomi at her.

She whispered to my ears. “Hey. Senri where are we going? I know a place where we can be together alone.” These words send chilled to my spine and I’m sure my face is crimson now. When I look at her she’s holding her laughter. As soon as she notices I ‘am looking at her she burst out “Buhahahahahahaha!!!”. Ahh. Damn it I thought I can play a prank on her but now’s the prank is on me. I really am a loser when I’m with her.

“Hahahaha! Senri you should see what face you are wearing right now. Even you maybe a member of S6 you are still a teen like me. Hahahaha.” She said while holding her stomach.” Anyway let’s go now the school is close for today. You need to tutor me until I know all the answers to the test tomorrow and ahh as a punishment for playing a trick on me that does not entertaining you will have to buy me some ice cream.” And with that we stormed of the school grounds.

It’s already 5:48 we got entangled with the shoppers in the convenient store where I buy Asuna and I some ice cream for snacks. Why do I have to buy ice cream I’m the one that is helping her, so why? We are in the way going to Asuna’s house but we are a still in the shopping district of the city.

Asuna bend forward to see my face and asked. “Senri what’s the meeting about earlier? Got some part time job again with the S6?” Oh yeah I forgot to tell you that we the S6 are making some money with our special ability but there are conditions and apparently only Shiori and Ezekiel are the only ones that knows our clients name and face because they are the one that meet with them. So the rest are just on standby when there are no jobs for us.

“Um… I just receive a warning. About a certain student that will attend our school starting tomorrow Shiori say that she is another weird person just like us. But I don’t care about her because she will be just discarded like us though.” I say this to Asuna while still facing forward.

“Ahh! The new transfer student I hear she’s so pretty and she attend some al girls school before she transferred to our school. What about her? Is she a vampire in disguise or a witch that hide from the witch hunter? Hahaha. I guess you guys are just thinking too much. But it’s rare that the S6 are being careful on handling a girl.” She’s provoking me well I cannot deny that Shiori and Ezekiel are thinking too much about her.

It’s been two hours that passed before me and Asuna finishes her ‘Review Session’. Well was not really a slow learner I think you can call her as a person that doesn’t listen to the other people unless she accept you as a reliable person so I can’t really reject her from seeking help from me.

Asuna gives me the ice cream that I buy in the convenient store along the way. Asuna said it’s a fine for the prank I play to her. Well can’t argue with that. I play a prank but didn’t enjoy it so much for that.

After I say my goodbye to Asuna I immediately have gone home. Asuna’s trying to make me eat in her house but I thought that I may be a nuisance in their dining table with her family and when I don’t eat in my house my older sister will whack me with her staff. You see my sister is a practitioner of magic but she don’t want to be called as a witch and then say “Where can you see a witch as hot as me!” I can admit that my sister has a good appearance but you can say she is not very attractive I guess we are born that we have something not to attract attention as much as possible.

I’ am now crossing the road there is an old and worn out mansion with a creepy feeling of it, but this kind of scenery is ordinary for me because I always cross this road but now I felt extremely hostile aura coming out from it.

I’ am hesitating weather to go or make a call first to Shiori (there is an unwritten rule that we S6 do we contact Shiori to report all the things that is odd). But I abandon that thought and make my way to the old mansion. As I go further into the mansion a thick black fog is emerging from the doors, window and everything that gas can escape to.

In case of emergency I must summon even a little weapon that can help me escape in case anything happen. First I summon the weapon. I summon a little dagger but this is still unusable. It looks like a piece of black metal and it’s very heavy but you can hold it with a single hand. Next I must chant the spell that can undo and release its true power. The stronger the weapon the longer the spell I have to chant but this dagger is only a speed type weapon. Well it all depends on the weapon’s characteristic and caliber weather it is a power type, speed type and defense type and special type. Now I use a speed type weapon in order to escape any sudden attack.

“Echoz ri Lomios VI ostro” the dagger began shining. The crude black metal becomes a polish weapon it is adorned with precious gems and I feel that it is very light. I swing it several times, my body movements began to accelerate this is the effect of the weapon I summon.

I slowly move in the mansion. There is no light seeping through the window pane all through the mansion. This mansion is long abandoned but kept its sleek structure there no cracks on it, but there are vines creeping out on its wall outside that gives the worn out feeling of the mansion.

I have gone onto the inner part of the mansion I can say the that the inner part of it is made for accepting guest and throwing parties, because it is so spacious.

A very odd feeling creep into me, I tighten the grip of the dagger. I survey my surrounding searching where the odd sensation is coming from. Then I saw a door with a black aura emanating from its edges. I must report this first to Shiori. I took out my cellphone in my pocket and dial Shiori’s number before completely connecting the called the darkness quickly expand in an unbelievable rate even with the help of my dagger I can’t get out of the mansion in moreover to escape from this blinding darkness that swallowing me.

With that in mind I release the magic on the dagger and then I summon another weapon. Now it is a scythe it is also a speed type weapon but it has a medium range heavy attack so that I can fend for myself in case fight may happen to defend myself. At first it is also a crude black metal that’s weighs twice its size. I began the incantation.

“Diatira Medos re Yonde ros Kirtog ig Brasdes Humidoroske Mitolorca” this kind of weapon that has an especial characteristic has longer incantations. But this I can fend for myself even I’ am faced with a stronger opponent and if this not enough I can summon another type of weapon while using it. I can say that this scythe is my favorite among the medium level weapons so I’m quite confident in handling it.

After I finish my incantation I open my eyes. I’ am shocked for what I’ am seeing. I was not inside the old mansion nor swallowed by the blinding darkness but I’ am in a castle. The castles have a medieval style; it has high walls surrounding it in the middle of the castle a tower twice the height of the walls.

An extreme nostalgic feeling attack me, shaking me into my core and insane feeling of de javu. I remember it now. This is my dream on the morning.

Boom!!!!!!

“Huh!”

A sudden explosion erupts inside the castle. By reflexes I run inside the castle. Because of the scythe that I summon I quickly sped up to the inner part of the castle. I saw nothing other than destruction of the castle. Crumbled walls, broken glass, cracked pillars all of the parts of the room is completely destroyed and inside the room two figures were fund.

I grasp my breath; one of the shadows is the girl I have in my dreams. “Yuuki”. And the other figure is something not a human. It has a muscular body of a human and its head hung onto those long necks his arms and legs are something from animals, making into a monstrous being. They set forth for attacking each other.

I don’t know don’t what will I do but my body began to throb. As if pumping my blood twice it used to be. I closed in the war zone. My weapon clash with the monsters body but the monster blocked it. I widen my distance with the monster. Then the girl approaches me with swift and fast movements.

“Hey! What are you doing?” she asks me with her stance still on the attack position.

“I-i’m just helping you.” I say it in a confused and embarrassing way.

“Hehe. You seems like you have a gate artifacts with you. This is going to be interesting.” She said while still laughing.

“Yeah this might be.” I agree without thinking and I don’t know what a gate artifact is.

The monster charged into us. We split up to confused the enemy, the monster chased the girl I grab this chance and launched the heavy attack of the scythe. I focused my power in the tip of the scythe. I closed in and slash the enemy’s back. The monster roared in pain.
The girl doesn’t the make chance to slip, she quickly approaches the monster and give a powerful blow by her bare hand on the monster’s midsection. The monster moaned. I made a hoop to widen the distance of the monster and me and I close my eyes and concentrate on my scythe, I’ am beginning to feel the power that is stored in the scythe. When I open my eyes the scythe was shining. I positioned in a dash move. I began to swing the scythe if somebody sees me they will say that I and swing a dangerous weapon with no direction but the scythe made the cut path in my head and then I struck the blade in the ground behind me. I clearly see where should I cut and slash. I’ am still far away from the enemy which is busy dealing with the girl.

“Hey it’s my turn. Move!” I shout at the girl.

The girl just nod at me. Then she moves away from the monster. The scythe now shines blindingly engulfing me into its ray, then the light merge with the scythe. I initiate my attack. I run in the monster’s direction head on. When I was midway I begin my attack the light in the scythe scattered and headed into the monster’s body piercing it. This time I was sure the monster will be dead. There is still some light in the scythe. It’s enough to cut the monster’s head. I approach the monster and swing my scythe on its neck cutting the head on its body.

After I slashed the monster’s head I leap off the corpse and make my way to the girl and I also release the scythe. But right after I release my weapon the monster’s corpse began to move and it hammered its huge fist in my back. I flew a great distant from where I was standing after I got hit by the monster. When I open my eyes after I stop from the punch all I can see is dust flying everywhere. Man. That was a nasty punch if the punch go straight right into my spinal cord I would be paralyzed.

My body is aching and my vision turned red I touch my head and confirmed that I have a serious wound. If this keeps on I will die from blood loss and from all this nasty wounds. After that attack of the headless monster the girl delivered a clean hit but that’s not enough to defeat the monster, she uses the rebound force to fly to me.

“Ahh! Damn it! Say. Are you okay?” she asked me with concerned.

I only replied with groan and moans, but that enough to answer the question.

The girl stares at me. Her eyes were like a bottomless void with no emotion and then she said. “At this rate you’re going to die. I can say that you will only live for a day even you can get out of this dimension. But you help me in fighting this monster. I will propose a deal. I will restore your life and give you a great power but you must protect me at all cost. Will you take or die?”

I just stare at her confirming if she’s saying was true or not. But I don’t see a single trace of doubt in her eyes. I cannot deny it that my wound is very bad. I, myself is also convinced that I will die sooner with this wounds on me. But what bugs me is that she can lengthen my life. What the hell is she?

I have so much more thing I want to do with my life so I will not die in a place like this no matter what happens to me I want to live on if it’s protecting her I will do it in order to live.

I gather all of my remaining strength. I say my decision.

“I— i--- want to live.”

Then the girl embraces me. She brings her face in my shoulder. The next thing that happens was unexpected. In my neck there is a dull pain that’s piercing me. I move my gaze to her and I saw that she’s drinking my blood. Her eyes are colored red. She’s a vampire but as soon as I understand the situation my senses is fading. All I can feel is the piercing of her teeth in my neck slurping on my blood.

The next thing that I feel is the soft lips pressed on mine but this is not a kiss something is being push to my mouth. The liquid sipped through my throat. It tasted a little sweet but it also taste weird. I don’t know what is she forcing me to drink but the next thing happen was very surprising I felt my body is raging with power and felt that my blood is throbbing rapidly as if they want to gust out from my body. I felt very powerful. I stand up and I see the girl’s face I can see there are traces of blood in her beautiful face but what surprised me is that there is also a wound in her hand it looks like see bit herself. I touch the corners of my mouth to confirm my thought. I see there is blood in my lips that is gusting in my mouth I guess she give me some blood of her.

The girl’s still kissed me or should I say that she still gives me her blood. But the blood doesn’t taste like blood at all. The blood tasted sweet and it is filling my body. What is happening to my body?

Then my body began to move on its own. I faced the monster. I am surprised on how the monster reattaches his head so quickly. I raise my right hand and summon a big gauntlet. This gauntlet is normally hard for me to use because it has a very long spell to chant for me and I will let me be open to the opponent’s attack. But this time I don’t feel any of that. It felt that the spell is shortened.

I begin to chant my spell but the monster rush to me. I dodge it. But the monster is too persistent I’ am having a tough time for casting my spell for the gauntlet. Then girl suddenly appear besides me and said.

“I will distract the monsters so get your weapon working.”

Then she suddenly disappear and the next thing happen are sparks flying from the direction of the monster I guess that the girl is pushing the monster with some heavy blows. I used this chance to complete my spell.

“Jianus Sen de Kiarion totihjou Mistojisol N’eriu rilovu Ganruhe kishfuin Lemmuas” I finishes the spell. I’m surprised on why the spell is shortened. The gauntlet turned from crude black into shining jet black with some shining gems on its knuckles. This gauntlet is a power type weapon. Meaning my movements are only normal but my power is increasing many times.

I charge in but what surprise me was that the gauntlet didn’t slow me down. In other words I didn’t lose my speed when I was wielding my scythe. With this I got in the battlefield in no time. I raise my fist with the gauntlet to block the attack of the monster that is headed for the girl’s body. We jump out of the monster’s reach and the girl talked.

“You seems to be quite skilled in using different kinds of weapons I’ am glad I chose you to be my servant.” After she said that she smiles at me. I cannot deny that her smile was beautiful.

“Okay time to kill this monster. Are you ready?” the girl exclaim at me with a larger smile on her face. Now I know what kind of person this girl is. She’s the one that goes on the battlefield and enjoy the fight with strong opponents.

I just nodded.

“I will make an opening so that you can attack it directly so just stay still.” The girl gives me the orders.

I just raise my hand as a sign of agreement, and gather the force welling inside my body into that arm with the gauntlet. The gauntlet gives off a vivid bluish light and wraps my whole right arm.

While I’ am working on preparing my attack the girl rush to the monster soon after their attacks collide. The girl uses her legs to disable the monster’s movement by targeting its legs. While the monster just swirling around trying to catch the girl. The girl makes three strikes on the monster’s leg. The monster is writhing in agony because of the consecutive strikes on its legs making it unable to unleashed heavy blow towards the girl.

But the monster grabbed her at her feet. The monster throws the girl into the hard wall. The girl moans in agony. I rush to her side but before rushing I make sure that the monster is not looking at our position I guess that the attacks of the girl made a big damage onto the monster’s body. So it is attending to its body.

“Are you okay?” I hastily said to the girl.

“Yes. I’ am fine. It’s just a scratch.” The girl said but i know that her condition is not fine because of the impact of the wall and the blood sipping out of her body.

Suddenly the monsters roar. It almost makes my ear blow. The monster goes forth on our direction then my gauntlet shine elusively ever than before. I made my stance on clashing with the monster.

“I will make sure that after this you’re going to be a file of meat in the ground.” I shouted this on top of my lungs as I advance to the monster’s position. Now I’ am aiming for the monster’s body. I rush for the monster’s position. The gauntlet shines even brighter, as if reflecting my vigor to kill the monster.

I raised my right arm with the gauntlet aiming for the monster’s body and I’m keeping my left hand for defense. The monster is the first to unleash his fist towards me, but I already anticipated it so I came up with the counter measure for it. I jumped up. I was surprised with my movement I really felt like a feather. The height of my jump is doubled that I used to so I jumped too much but I dodge the monster’s attack so that doesn’t mean much.

I slowly descend from the air. The monster’s body is below me its mouth is wide open as if trying to swallow me. But the gauntlet I held is on its fullest power. I can unleash its attack head on. I dived to the monster. As a battle cry for the gauntlet I shouted its attack.

“WOLFISH FANG”

Quite similar to what it actually do. All of the air surrounding it is used to as a solid drill to pierce everything that stands against it.

In a split second the monster body is pierce by my attack, but the chain is not yet finish. My left leg slip and made a circular motion enabling me to face the monster quickly. Then the gauntlet shine, but the color is now different from before. Now the gauntlet is painted with a semitransparent redness. I again shout the attack chain’s name.

“LONE WOLF OF THE CRIMSON”

It is an attack that will first pierce the enemy and then deliver a heavy blow that will rendered the enemy into a state where all the nerve in the body will be destroyed resulting to the body being paralyzed. I don’t use this attack because the damage is too big for the receiver and I can’t make such attack to a person.

I deliver the blow on the monster’s abdomen. The monster’s body shook and flew five meters away from me this attack really gives me the chilled even if I practice it sometimes.

I let myself near the monster’s body which is now lying in the floor. I’ am checking it if it’s still alive. But I guess that the monster is no more.

“Hey. Is the monster dead now?” I can only ask the girl because I really don’t know how to differentiate the living and dead monster by a glance and I don’t want to make the same mistake earlier. So I ask the girl.

“Don’t worry you have done a good job for your first day as my servant.” The girl said with smiling sheepishly.
I just shrugged my shoulder.

“Okay now let’s proceed with the final phase. I will let you have the gate artifact because of the good work you show to your master.” The girl walks towards my direction and grab my hand. Ahh. I suddenly feel something strange with my heart as if every time this girl touches me my heart will pump twice it used to.

With both our hands in midair she released some kind of runes from our hands while chanting some spell that I don’t even know the meaning, the runes began to take shape and surround the monster’s body and then something came out of the dead body. I can’t believe what I’ am seeing now. The runes became a sphere, a metal sphere. If I’ am correct this kind of metal did not exist in our world. This kind of metal is the same metal that my weapons are made of.

“Now let me make you an appropriate weapon for a servant.” The girl said while tilting her head. As if thinking something complicated.

Then the metal sphere morphed into a jelly state. Continuously it turned into a sword. To be more precise it turned into a very big sword broadsword. More importantly there is something that protrudes on its hilt, a chain. This kind of weapon that has some accessory normally has some special effects on how this weapon can be used.

After the metal sphere turned into a sword it began moving towards our direction. Then the sword halt right in front of our hand. The girl nodded and separates her hand from my hand. Then the sword move towards my hand and the next thing happen is very surprising. The sword merges with my hand and shine but it only last for a second, and then the chain is now became a bracelet in my left hand and the sword turned small as if a pendant for the chain in my hand.

“Okay the ritual is now complete. Now what is your name, my servant?” Then stare at me after she had asked my name.

Once again I was sucked by those bottomless eyes but I still answered her with a stuttering voice.

“N-namikawa Senri.”

It may sound pathetic but I just can’t avert me eyes from her and be astounded by her. Man I don’t really understand myself when I faced her even if in my dream or in reality. But again I myself was as strange as well. Oh!!! Wait a minute ‘dream’? Right she is in my dream last night but her characteristic is different from my dream. How can I ask her?

If I just ask her like “Hey do you appear in my dream last night?” I would be ignored if I do that. How about if I keep talking to her I think I can squeeze out some information regarding the dream moreover regarding the matters that just happen now.

“Hey! What is that mons---“

I was just midway on finishing my sentence when my head hurts and my vision turned black and I began on coughing blood. What on earth is happening? I felt that some but is gusting of my head. If I remember, this is where the wound that I receive from the monster that is lying lifeless in the ground. Does the wound open again hey wait the girl bite me and give me her blood and according to the legend when a human is bitten by a vampire he/she will turned into a vampire too and have the capabilities of a vampire. One of the capabilities of vampire is regeneration, so why am I now bleeding again.

I turned to look to the girl. I was a bit of expecting that she will be at least show some worry but what I saw was different. She looked at me with eyes like a mad scientist observing his lab rat while injecting some of his formula. Without even averting her eyes she said the following to me.

“That’s odd you should be fully healed by our contract but why you are still injured. This is really odd.”

The girl walked towards me while cocking her head. I can’t understand what had she said. Only quite a bit of what she said is registered to my mind. That I’ am an odd ball.

I’ am slowly slipping into dream world meaning I’m losing my consciousness. What will happen to me? Will I die here in this unknown place with the monster I just killed?
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Re: Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

Post by Rajikai »

I'm sorry, but I couldn't finish reading it. I read as far as i could tolerate, but I am a man with little patience. Overall what I read was seemed mainstream (according to Bakuman), but that matters little. What I'm trying to say is that it's alright. Good. Nice. But the reason I couldn't go far was because of the incorrect choices of word, the way you worded the sentence, or incorrect grammar.

If I could offer a suggestion, I would say reread what you wrote, and you might find a way to make it better. Your choice.
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Re: Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

Post by ShadowZeroHeart »

Read like 80% of it or so...

Too inconsistent... While you mention some of the personalities of the people, their words do not follow their personalities or portrays it well. In the beginning, the girl said "I have no name", but later, she said "people call me that way", you probably meant that she is something like a deity, people know of her, but she is no friend to anyone? If so, the name must have a proper origin, like a title or nickname. In the beginning, the protagonist said
usually when someone hugged me especially the opposite sex I don’t feel any attraction or anything for me it is only a physical contact nothing more nothing less.
but later on, his interactions with an opposite gender shows he is NOT used to interaction with the opposite gender,
She whispered to my ears. “Hey. Senri where are we going? I know a place where we can be together alone.” These words send chilled to my spine and I’m sure my face is crimson now. When I look at her she’s holding her laughter. As soon as she notices I ‘am looking at her she burst out “Buhahahahahahaha!!!”. Ahh. Damn it I thought I can play a prank on her but now’s the prank is on me. I really am a loser when I’m with her. "
This clearly defies your own story/setting.

Lack of details... The world view is not explained at all. Too many ideas left in the mist. Do anyone and everyone have powers? or just the S6? Some of the members seem to have multiple abilities, which is very strange in any story(Tactical Alliance, future sight + telepathy),(Eye of Handcrafts - psychokinesis, mind reading that does not work on certain fixed individuals? Weird isnt it?) . Is this setting in the real world, or an alternate world that you created? Judging from the starting and some of the descriptions, I am led to believe it is in the real world that we are in, if so, people having powers are weird, and unexplained.

Sort out your thoughts, organize your ideas and everything, start all over. Currently it is quite similar to some of the recent stories, so how you write it is going to be important.

(Shana's famous line "You are dead" changed to "you are about to die", fighting in an alternate realm is similar too? Pact to be given life is similar to some other stories like Highschool DxD. People with special powers, some of it bear resemblance to a novel called mekuru mekuru crisis. I get the feeling you read baka to test, Haruhi and all, since the names are a little... I suggest you give the names some thought, and probably use names that might do you more good.)
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

Post by Rajikai »

Though I mostly agree with zero, I do have some stuff to say. These are added from what zero of course said. First thing is addressed to Zero. Technically, I think he meant it as hugs aren't a form of attraction to the protagonist. Though hugs do not simulate him, there are other forms that might get him stiff. Example, imagining something occurring between one another in an isolated location.

Now towards Gin. I thought think it's good to use words one is not comfortable with. From what I observed, I assume you are the age of 13-16 years, or you might currently be in middle or highschool (freshman maybe). Your form of writing is lacking, and seems as if tried to hard. From what Zero quoted,

These words send chilled to my spine and I’m sure my face is crimson now.

I picked this line for a few reason. Not trying to be mean or picky.
Send ---> Sent
chilled ---> chills
to my spine ---> down my spine

Though your way isn't all wrong, but the way I placed might be better. To correct yours, it would be something like.
Chilled ---> Chills

That's about it for the first part. the other part of this sentence could be something like
Crimson --->Flushed Red; Red; completely red

Sometimes the simpler stuff are better suited. Try to keep it easy, and allow it to flow.
So lets see it in my version

These words sent chills down my spine, and I’m sure my face is flushed red.

Though it might not be the best option, it still is an improvement. Don't let this get down. I know that rereading something sucks, but it's a must. Hands type faster then thoughts could process so sometimes it seems right, but of course we are humans and make mistakes.

Sorry for my rantings, but I hope this will do well.
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Re: Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

Post by ShadowZeroHeart »

Rajikai wrote:Though I mostly agree with zero, I do have some stuff to say. These are added from what zero of course said. First thing is addressed to Zero. Technically, I think he meant it as hugs aren't a form of attraction to the protagonist. Though hugs do not simulate him, there are other forms that might get him stiff. Example, imagining something occurring between one another in an isolated location.
I was just hinting that the previous area seems to say that he gets along well with the opposite gender, but later on, it shows that he does not interact with the opposite gender much, especially to fail to even handle a simple tease from a friend close to him and that he should know well by now. There should at least be consistency in such actions/thoughts, especially for the protagonist. But yes, I agree with what you said, just that it is hard to point it out or to understand it that well given the amount of content that is currently available. Both of us may or may not be right/wrong, it takes more content for us to determine it really.
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

Post by Rajikai »

I'm sorry for being vague, but I was actually agreeing with you. What I wanted to point out was that he might have thought. Since technically, what was written somewhat correlates, but on the other hand. You get the point...

Though I'm really curious on the writer's viewpoint. I thought he would've said something by now.

Really looking forward to when he comes back and corrects this so I could correctly review it. :)
I bet you feel the same way.

On the off note, your a writer as well?
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Re: Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

Post by ShadowZeroHeart »

No, I am not a writer... Though it seems interesting to, I can't really find the time, and I do intend to do more translations when I am free. Even if I do try writing, it would be as a hobby, not as a job like some...

As for whether I feel the same about correctly reviewing it, I would actually vote for a bit more into the story, as it helps us get a better understanding and grasp of the entire story, so it could even make the story more understandable. But until then, it leaves us with too little to have a good review of this, it is even hard to tell whether the idea in the story has any real potential at this point in time.

P.S. so are you a writer then?
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

Post by Rajikai »

Na... I don't have writing as a job, but rather as a hobby. I enjoy it, but I'm not good enough to... Publish anything. I'm a bit lazy so I don't write that much, but I'm trying to turn that around.

About this story... I doubt it will be continued. Just a hunch...
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Re: Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

Post by ginbrix_013 »

sorry for that wrong word and grammar this is only my first novel so constructive criticism is good.thank you all... thak you raji and zero
Last edited by ginbrix_013 on Fri Jan 13, 2012 8:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

Post by Rajikai »

You beat my hunch.. I officially classified you as a willing writer (hobby). If you need any help, don't feel bad for hitting me up with PM's
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Re: Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

Post by ginbrix_013 »

i'll ask help and ideas for this novels thank you.
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Re: Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

Post by ginbrix_013 »

Rajikai wrote:If you need any help, don't feel bad for hitting me up with PM's
Spoiler! :
how to use the pm.system i'am new in this forum..
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Re: Original Novel:Sweet Blood Serenade

Post by Rajikai »

Seems like you found it...
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