Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by veritatis cupitor »

1. volume 12 prologue -
In the Tristain Magic Academy, it was customary for young nobles who commuted to eat there in the morning, at noon, and in the evening for three meals a day.

2. v12 p -
A week had passed since the day Henrietta requested Tiffania to be brought from Albion.
.....
.....
.....
With Henrietta acting as mediator, about one month was needed to take care of admissions so Tiffania could enlist in the first year class in this school. Soon a single rumor had become widespread among students in this academy.

3. v12 p -
Naturally, no one would be tricked by this lie, no doubt about it.
However, even a noble girl student would retreat if confronted by the chance Tiffania's white skin were to be sunburned.

4. v12 p -
Like a flickering faint blue-ish moonlight, that flickering did not suit her unbalanced body

5. v12 p -
Tiffania's body was covered by a Magic Academy uniform, but ten guys with their eye color changed

6. v12 p -
Tiffania was a smörgåsbord that if eaten could make themselves continue to devour it, or Tiffania was a piece of meat which someone’s hand reached for and cut to the last piece

7. v12 p -
“Guiche, please let the Windward hear your conclusion.”

8. v12 p -
That Tiffania lady's breasts, the true shape of those two round objects that make half of world's population insane, are magic weapons.

9. v12 p -
The defense squad of 3rd year students complained

10. v12 p -
Guiche's hand reached to the twin ragingly magical weapons
Won't 'two' be better than twin here?

11. v12 p -
The dining hall's atmosphere vanished as if sucked into a vacuum

12. v12 p -
Swing, a large amount of water attacks reached Saito's ears.
The sounds of raging water continued, after a while, the hall turned silent.

13. v12 p -
“That does not like it.”

14. v12 p -
Louise's magic, “The reason to stay in this world”. When I was under that influence, this kind of reality wouldn't make me feel joy. The encouragement from the flock of girls were like distant sounds. This could be a hallucination... But see, I'm a simple minded person...

15. v12 p -
Louise's state was quite burned, consequently she was holding his hand.

16. v12 p -
“...That's why I don't want it.”
.....
.....
.....
Their faces looking at each other, and with each other looking, their faces dyed red as they slipped into the bed.
.....
.....
.....
“...That's why I don't want to.”
The words just before that, “Because inside the ship” actually existed.
“Because inside the ship... I don't want to.”

17. v12 p -
Large fluid of tears transformed to small object spinning in his eyes, just like trifling with Saito on a whim.

18. v12 p -
Even so it would continue to be ignored

19. v12 p -
I won't forgive it if the other woman

20. v12 p -
After the confession of confusing, disconnected words that didn't make sense. Louise's right hand and left foot that moved simultaneously entered the room.

21. v12 p -
Why in this room there are three persons, without me noticing it this bed engraved a stream of characters for sleep. It has became a habit completely.

22. v12 p -
Louise's expectation could have exceeded even the soar of a fire dragon mountain.

23. v12 p -
Should we punish him with death?
There are many sentences here which are Louise's thoughts but are not in italic. Is it the same in the novel?
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by Shadowys »

1. 在特里斯汀魔法学院中学习的贵族子弟们,但凡涉及到早中晚三餐,按照习惯都会在这里吃。
Which can be translated as, In the Tristain Magic Academy, it was customary for young nobles to eat all three meals there.

2.
依照安莉爱塔的命令,从阿尔比翁将蒂法尼亚带来已经过了大约一星期了。
这天也如往常一样,才人他们依照惯例在三年级学生用的餐桌上吃着早餐。
食堂那长长的餐桌,从食堂入口处竖着三排并列在那里。正面看右边的餐桌是三年级用的,正中间是二年级用,而右侧则是一年级学生用。
不过,她的人气还真厉害啊。
才人停下正在切肉的刀,轻声恍惚道。
什么?人气?
坐在他面前的基修,睁圆了眼睛反问着他。才人和基修的周围,照例是水精灵骑士队的队员聚集在那里。大白天就已经醉醺醺的他们把那喝得红红的眼睛转向基修和才人看去的方向。
在那里的是,有着金发与惹火的身体曲线的眩目妖精,微露些不知所措的样子。
那正是蒂法尼亚。
由安莉艾塔做中间人,虽然晚了一个月,但还是被编入了一年级的蒂法尼亚,在入学之后马上便独占了校内的话题。
Which could be translated as,
A week has passed since Tiffania was brought to the Academy from Albion under Henrietta's orders.
Today, as like any other, Saito and co. ate their breakfast at the table for third years as usual.
The three long dining tables were placed in parallel to each other, as seen from the entrance. The one on the far left was for the third years, while the middle one was for the second years, and the right was for the first years.
She's really popular, you know.
Saito mumbled lightly as he stopped cutting meat with the knife.
What? Popular?
Guiche, who was sitting in front of him, asked in back with his eyes wide open. Around Saito and Guiche, was the usual gang of the Knight Corps of the Water Spirit. Already drunk in broad daylight, all of them turned their eyes to look at the direction Saito and Guiche was looking at.
There was an elf there, with golden hair and a slender, charming figure, looking a little lost.
She is Tiffania.
With Henrietta acting as mediator, even though she was late by a month, Tiffania, who was still enlisted as a first year immediately became the topic of discussion for everyone.

3. 本来的话,这种理由是谁也不会相信的。
但是,蒂法尼亚的肌肤之白,即便是讨厌日晒的贵族女学生们也无法比拟。只要看到蒂法尼亚的肌肤,无论是谁都会认为她是不能抵抗阳光的。
Which could be translated as,
Normally, nobody would have believed this reason.
However, Tiffania's skin was so pale that no other noble girl in the school, even those who hated going out under the sun, could be compared to her. Everyone who saw her skin believed that she could not stand the sunlight.

4. 如同那散发出淡淡光辉的蓝月一样虚幻,与那虚幻不相符的超比例身材,从阿尔比翁来到这里的理由和她身为贵族的成长历程。
Which could be translated as,
She was a being as ethereal as the faint glow of the blue moon. A figure that betrayed any ethereality she had, her reason for coming here from Albion, and what she has gone through as a noble.

5. Not sure what 眼睛变色 "changing the color of the eyes" mean here. Probably just referring to them ogling her.
在身着魔法学院制服的蒂法尼亚周围,聚集着十几个眼睛变色的男学生,就像围绕的糖球的蚂蚁一样。
Standing around Tiffania, who was wearing the Academy Uniform, like ants around a sugar block, were around ten male students who were ogling her.

6. Whole paragraph to be retranslated. Likely the original translator misunderstood the passage.
他们只要蒂法尼亚喝一口茶,就马上代为斟满,只要蒂法尼亚吃一口前菜,他们便马上把自己的菜端过来,蒂法尼亚刚把手伸向肉菜,他们就马上把那切好分过去,就是这种样子。

Immediately after Tiffania took a sip of her tea, they would pour it full. Immediately after Tiffania took a bite of her meal, they would give theirs to her. Immediately after Tiffania stretched to take a portion of something, they would deliver it to her, cut and served. Something like that.

7. 基修,你的结论就说来让我风上听听吧。
Which could be translated as,
Now then, I, the Windward shall listen to your conclusion, Guiche.

8. 那附着在蒂法尼亚小姐胸部的两个半球型物体,是能让世界上一半人为之疯狂的,魔法兵器。
The two hemispherical objects on Miss Tiffania's breasts are, in fact, magical weapons that can make more than half of the world's population mad over it.

9. 一年级学生中没有一个敢反抗既是三年级又是近卫队的基修和马利寇尔奴
Not one of the first years were brave enough to resist Guiche and Malicorne, who were not only third years, but also part of the defense squad.

10. 基修无言地把手,对着蒂法尼亚的两个猛烈魔法兵器,也就是胸部伸了过去。
Yes, I think two will be better here.

11. 当到达一个食堂所看不到的死角的时候,便听到水柱炸开的声音。随后,基修的叫声在回响着。
By the time they reached a corner, unseen by the crowd in the dining hall, the sound of the waterspout bursting open could be heard. Soon after, Guiche's yells echoed through the air.

12. 才人听到大量翻滚着的水流袭击基修的声音。
Saito heard the sound of a huge torrent assaulting Guiche.

13. 才人大人您真的是很威风啊
没你说得那么好啦
Saito-sama, you looked so cool just now.
No, no, it's nothing.

14. 因为露易丝的魔法,自己脑中有为了留在这里的理由的时候,并没有什么功夫像现在这样享受现状。即使感到女孩子们的声援,但那也是像在遥远的地方回响一样,就是这样的感觉。虽然这没准是错觉。因为我呢,是很单纯的啦。
Due to Louise's magic, whenever I've thought of the reason why I am staying in this world, I don't really have the opportunity to enjoy it like now. The encouragement from the flock of girls were like distant sounds. This could be a hallucination... But see, I'm a simple minded person...

15. 才人自己感觉露易丝当时也正充满激情,所以才把手伸了出去。
He only did it because he felt that Louise was also filled with passion. (Not sure if lust would be a better word here)

16.
所以,不要
so, I don't want to.

The last part,
而在这半句之前,实际上是存在着因为在船里的这另一半的。
因为在船里所以,不要
Before this sentence was another sentence, "because we're in a ship".
"Because we're in a ship, so, I don't want to."

17. 大眼睛不停的转着,心血来潮了,就拨弄才人一下的样子简直和猫一模一样。
Her large eyes, round and round, made him excited. Her way of flirting with Saito looked exactly like that of a cat.

18. 即使这样你还是继续无视于它的话
Even in this case if you continued to ignore it,

19. 那他绝对会和其他女孩子那个
He wouldn't do that with other girls,

20. 在说完这不知道是忏悔还是妄想的言语后,露易丝手脚一顺边的走回自己的房间。
After this strange and delusional confession, Louise woodenly walked back to her room.

21. 不知为何,生活在这房间里的三人,像这样川字形睡觉的这种事,已经完全变成他们的习惯了。
Unbeknownst to the three person living in this room, sleeping together like three parallel logs, have already became something normal.

22. 那是远远超出露易丝预想,如同已经越过火龙山脉一般的话语。
That was some words that were leagues out of Louise's expectation, something that have soared past the fire dragon mountain. (No idea why the author used this analogy)

23. Two sentences to be retranslated.
执行死刑。
一般这种事都会被执行死刑的。

Death sentence.
Normally this would be deserving of a death sentence.

In Japanese and Chinese, normally thoughts are written in normal characters. But for English it could be done in italics for clarity, I think.
Winter's the time of the year,
when the cold chill the skin,
from the very within,
but you grasped my hand,
your eyes shedding a frozen tear.
Our eyes met,
and warmth filled the air.
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by veritatis cupitor »

I'd like to bother you about few edits again. In the 4th edit, 2nd sentence doesn't seem very clear/complete to me.
A figure that betrayed any ethereality she had, her reason for coming here from Albion, and what she has gone through as a noble.
In the 14th edit, 1st sentence -
Due to Louise's magic, whenever I've thought of the reason why I am staying in this world, I don't really have the opportunity to enjoy it like now.

volume 12 prologue -
However, he knew... once in a while she peeked his way with glittering eyes. With those same glittering eyes, once in a while Louise boisterously used her fork on her plate.
Is it really glittering eyes

v12 p -
Now, now. Now is the time to finish what have left, on that ship.

In the 16th edit -
Their faces looking at each other, and with each other looking, their faces dyed red as they slipped into the bed.

Are you really sure about the 19th edit, I mean the following sentences hint that he would do anyone!

v12 p -
Despite that to your master you're, re-reaching your hand out.
Can I use this instead - Despite that, you're re-reaching your hand out to your master.

v12 p -
At this rate Louise's anger reached its peak, she barely kept her sanity, and then a chilling exposure covered Louise.
Nevertheless, the thing is just a thing, she can't show that face of anger.
Because Louise's pride which was more solid than diamond wouldn't permit it.
Suppressing the anger with her last power, Louise was trembling, shivering, and her face turned blue. Meanwhile, Saito made the comment, “My goodness.”
But the fact instead was the complete opposite. The way Saito was behaving indicated he did not notice at all.
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by Shadowys »

It was supposed to be connected to the next sentence, which should start with "These three reasons are...", which could be edited for clarity.

This sentence is pretty vague, but I think the author was supposed to write that whenever Saito thought of the reason he stayed in that world, his powers are awakened to protect Louise, and this happens normally in battles, so he can't enjoy it. But now he has garnered the girls' attention, he thinks that this is also another reason he's staying in that world.

The original for this sentence is 可是,他明白自己不时被人斜眼看着。有时露易丝一边看着自己,一边用叉子哐啷哐啷的捅着盘子。
Which could be translated as, However, he knew that someone kept leering at him. Sometimes Louise looked at him while using her fork to stab at her plate.

The original was much cuter :
快看快看。
那只小猫已经快受不了了。
Which could be translated as,
Look, look.
The kitten couldn't take it much longer.

For the 16th edit, original was 两个人对视着,都红着脸钻到床上。
Both of them looked at each other before slipping into bed, their faces dyed red.

For the 19th edit, it's my mistake lol I missed a word and it should be translated as, He would absolutely do that with other girls.

Original for that is 真是的,你就,就那,那么想对主人出手吗
I think it's better to use your edit.

Original for this passage,
露易丝的愤怒达到了前所未有的顶点,终于,她觉悟了。随后,一种什么冰冷的东西将她包了起来。
但,事情只是事情,所以不能将愤怒表现出来。
这是自尊比钻石还硬的露易丝所不能容许的。
拼命压抑住自己的怒火,青着脸,时而抽动着身体的露易丝,如此评价才人做得到的话你就继续。
但因为露易丝在实际态度上表现的完全相反,所以得意忘形的才人并没有察觉到。

Which should be translated as,
At this point Louise's rage reached its absolute peak. Finally, she came to a realization. After that, something cold enveloped her heart.
However, this is just something normal, so she shall not show her anger.
This is something that Louise, her pride tougher than diamond, would not permit.
Suppressing her anger as much as she could, Louise commented to Saito, with a trembling body and contorted face, that he could continue if he could do it.
However since Louise expressed the opposite reaction, Saito remained gleefully ignorant of her anger.
Winter's the time of the year,
when the cold chill the skin,
from the very within,
but you grasped my hand,
your eyes shedding a frozen tear.
Our eyes met,
and warmth filled the air.
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by veritatis cupitor »

volume 12 story 1 chapter 1 -
I wonder what she could of done in that place? When she returned, her gaze was downward

v12 s1 c1 -
I don't know this kind of familiar of anymore

v12 s1 c1 -
It's understandable if they want to talk with her, but wasn't it she had too many stalkers? It's tolerable if they want visits to her room even during the night, but certainly she wants time to be alone.

v12 s1 c1 -
Saito has became a familiar with it, but the treatment that girl received, what is it?
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by Shadowys »

1. Original, along with the next sentence, 她到底去什么地方做了些什么?回来的时候眼圈黑黑的,但因为她那么气势汹汹的都没能问。
Which could be translated as, I wonder what was she doing there? She always had heavy eyebags when she came back, but I didn't manage to ask her about it due to the fierce expression on her face.

2. The original dialogue : 算了。当我没有你这样的使魔!
Which could be translated as, Fine. You are not my familiar anymore!

3. I think it's not they, but Saito. Original:
就算想跟她说说话,也因为围着她的人太多而没法说。虽然晚上可以去宿舍房间找她,但她也会有想一个人独处的时候吧。
Which could be translated as,
Even he wanted to have a talk with her, but there was always a crowd around her. Even though he could find her in her room during the night, but she would also like some time alone, wouldn't she?

4. Whole paragraph seems to be mistranslated.
而且,不管怎么说蒂法尼亚的秘密也太多了。也有部分自己想着那些秘密不能为人所知,有意识的控制接触她的原因。立下奇功从平民升格为贵族的才人,在这里好赖也算个名人。要是和她太亲近的话,会让人产生,这女孩儿到底是什么人物?的疑问。
Which could be translated as,
Anyway, it could not be denied that Tiffania holds too much secrets on her hands. Some of the secrets cannot be known to the public, and that's why he's restraining himself from contacting her too much. Saito, who had risen in ranks from a commoner to a noble, is still quite the famous person here. If he were to be too close to her, it would prompt people around them to raise the question, "what's this girl's background".
Winter's the time of the year,
when the cold chill the skin,
from the very within,
but you grasped my hand,
your eyes shedding a frozen tear.
Our eyes met,
and warmth filled the air.
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by veritatis cupitor »

volume 12 s1 c1 -
“Why did you ignore me during the day? ?”
There are some comments about this in the edit page. So I thought about checking this line too.

Volume12 Story1 Chapter2 -
Just the other day, the guys that were chasing after Tiffania now had worshipped Beatrice like a god.

v12 s1 c2 -
Thinking about the question, she had only just arrived here.

v12 s1 c2 -
Since this is like a fantasy world, it’s even moreso likely to happen, but it seems to be that bullying has no connection to what world you are on.

v12 s1 c2 -
“Well, well. Nice to meet you, Guldenhorf-san.”

v12 s1 c2 -
Being the same time as all of the indecent flirting, Saito barely recalled that talk

v12 s1 c2 -
“Unnecessary! Of course! After all, we brought her here!”
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by Shadowys »

1. Apparently the the rest of the dialogue was commented out.
为什么白天你要无视我~~~~~。不如说你最近一直都是这样样子~~~~~。这是怎么回事啊~~~~~
Which could be translated as, Why did you ignore me during the day? ? You have been ignoring me for a while now, what the heck is going on?

2. 刚刚围绕在蒂法尼亚周围的少年们,前几天还像崇拜天神一样的崇拜着她。
Which could be translated as, Just the other day, the guys who were previously crowding around Tiffania turned to worship Beatrice like she was their goddess.

3. Original :虽然保有疑问,但因为自己毕竟新来的,
Which could be translated as, Even though she had questions of her own,she had just arrived here.

4. Original line : 我本以为,在这幻想世界中是不会有这种事存在的,但看来,欺负女孩子和所处的世界没有关系啊。
He had once thought that, there shouldn't be that happening in this fantasy world, but as it seems, bullying among girls has no connection to what world you're on.

5. This line is mistranslated along with the previous line. These two lines should be referring to Tiffania.
尽管如此,她也不想让对方不高兴。她拼命笑着,说道
啊,原来是这样啊。请多关照。库尔汀侯尔弗
Even so, she didn't want to upset her. While maintaining her smile, she said,
"Oh, is that so. Nice to meet you, Guldenhorf-san"

6. The original was, 说是很下流还被他们搭讪过。不过那时候自己完全没有留意,是吗,那时候就已经在了吗。
They talked about how indecent they were, and how some of them came to flirt with them. But Saito didn't notice them at that time. So they were already present during that time, eh?

7. 竟说是多管闲事!这是当然该做的!她不是我们带回来的吗!
Which could be translated as, How dare you say that it's unnecessary! This is what we're supposed to! Weren't us the ones who brought her here!
Winter's the time of the year,
when the cold chill the skin,
from the very within,
but you grasped my hand,
your eyes shedding a frozen tear.
Our eyes met,
and warmth filled the air.
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by veritatis cupitor »

Are you sure about 2nd edit. From the context it seems more like this -
The guys who were previously worshiping Beatrice like she was their goddess were now crowding around Tiffania.

volume 12 story 1 chapter 3 -
It was about a skill called ‘wringing out your tea napkin.’

v12 s1 c3 -
She had greatly underestimated this level of treatment

v12 s1 c3 -
At that earlier statement, some progress was being made!

volume 12 story 1 chapter 4 -
It wouldn’t have been strange if she were to be hung from this atmosphere

v12 s1 c4 -
No matter how you think of it still!
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by Shadowys »

Upon revision, yes indeed the characters should be reversed.

1. The original for that particular phrase is 茶巾绞, to which I can't really find a similar phrase for it. It refers to using a napkin to wrap tea leaves so it can be used to filter it, so it is literally wringing out your tea napkin, but in this case I think it's more appropriate to use ‘chakinshibori’ instead and write a note for it.
http://ejje.weblio.jp/sentence/content/ ... E%E7%B5%9E

The next line though, was referring to bullying Tiffania.
那是把裙子下摆拉上来,绑在头上的技法。
Which could be translated as, That is, pulling her skirt tails up and tying it up above her head like a bun.

2. 自己本来认为他们会接受自己的。
Which could be translated as, She'd thought that they would accept her.

3. 而且刚刚她所说的,是多么真实啊!
Which could be translated as, And as for what she'd said just now, how truthful that was!

4. 当就算马上把她吊起来也不奇怪的空气要笼罩到这里的时候
Which could be translated as, It was such an atmosphere that even if she were to be hung right there and now, it wouldn't be strange.

5. 可是,可是啊!不管怎么想也!
I think a comma (and a couple of full stops) is also needed here.
“But…but still! No matter how you think of it, this is...!”
Winter's the time of the year,
when the cold chill the skin,
from the very within,
but you grasped my hand,
your eyes shedding a frozen tear.
Our eyes met,
and warmth filled the air.
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by veritatis cupitor »

1. volume 12 story 2 chapter 1 -
The only thing could help.

2 . volume 12 story 2 chapter 2 -
Noo, that’s not it! It’s because I’m so popular!

3 . v12 s2 c2 -
I read fairy tales come to a child, and looks like a beautiful fairy.
She was like fairy from children books long time ago.

4 . v12 s2 c2 - Comment in edit section about what to use - jealously or inf. comp. -
with my head filled with inferiority complex towards Tiffania

5 . v12 s2 c2 - what unit is this? May be it should be included in guideline.
Diameter of one Santo

6 . v12 s2 c2 -
“A peep” girls shouted loudly while running to grab their clothes.
Shouldn't it be peeper? or peep here refers to sound?

7 . v12 s2 c2 -
At that time, Saito, who was lagging behind, was still at the hole
It seems he should be in the hole.

8 . v12 s2 c2 -
When Tabitha excited you are on the verge of losing your humanity

9. v13 c1 -
Julio’s attitude towards his retainer seemed to be overly familiar. This kind of relationship between a retainer and servant
Shouldn't it be master rather than retainer?

10 . v13 c1 -
Henrietta was hit with the divine glow and promptly blacked out.
Did she lose consciousness?

11. v13 c2 -
Practice with the Knights of the Water Spirit.
This sentence is incomplete. Perhaps it should be attached to previous sentence.

12 . v13 c2 -
I did not summon him to jeer at other girls
jeer or leer?
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by Shadowys »

1. This has to be retranslated along with the next line,
都已经那样救过你了。
都已经说了那么多喜欢你了。
Didn't I save you so many times before?
Didn't I say that I loved you so many times before?

2. Original : 这还真是,值得考虑啊!太受欢迎这种事!
Which could be translated as, Ah, isn't this nice! Being so popular!

3. The sentence may be a mistake. From "Tiffania was almost..." to "...She was like fairy from children books long time ago" in the next line.
Original: 仿佛就像看到自己儿时在书中读过的美丽妖精,从里面走出来一样。
Which could be translated as, Tiffania looked like a fairy from one of the books she had read as a child, just as if she appeared straight out of the illustrations.

4. Inferiority complex would be the correct one here. 自卑 is the word used.

5. I can't seem to find a reference for this. The nearest length descripion I could find was allubon, which was used in V16C3 to describe the size of Saito's estate. I seem to have met this word somewhere else, but I can't find it for now, maybe someone else could help?

6. ' There's a peeping tom', may be much natural here, instead of a peep, IMO. The girls were referring to the action though. Original : 有人偷窥!

7. Yup, 'in' should be used instead of 'at'

8. Original :要是对塔巴莎兴奋了,那就不是人了啊,才人。
Which could be translated as, Saito, if you're excited at Tabitha's body, you're not human anymore.

9. Original : 根本没有对自己主人这种态度的家臣
It should be 'master' here.

10. No. Original : 安莉艾塔在这神圣光辉的照耀下,身不由己的跪了下去。
Under this blinding holy radiance, Henrietta could not help but went down on her knees.

11. Original: 听到苛尔贝尔的话,才人心中浮现出在中庭里做着服务活动的同伴们的身影。虽然他们傻傻的,思想简单,还很单纯,但却是能为了帮助自己,正面挑战那些恐怖的龙骑士。
There isn't the mention of this sentence in the original. It could be deleted.

12. 勾引 is the word used in the original, which means seduce, though leer is also good to use here.
Winter's the time of the year,
when the cold chill the skin,
from the very within,
but you grasped my hand,
your eyes shedding a frozen tear.
Our eyes met,
and warmth filled the air.
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by veritatis cupitor »

1. volume 13 chapter 1 -
When you listen to the priests of Romalia, their smooth words make you want to swoon.
Is this Henrietta's words, thoughts or just the writer giving information?

2 . volume 13 chapter 3 -
making use of the empire union force at the double
Shouldn't it be 'on the double'?

3 . v13 c3 -
Cheers boiled up loudly again next to a kind of complain that was inspired and exhausted who said,

4 . v13 c3 -
Mr Colbert who was trying to move the Ostland with Kirche glued to him
Just few sentence after this we have -
"By the way, where is Colbert-sensei?" Louise asked Kirche.
"I don't remember seeing him when we took off."
Is something missing here?

5 . v13 c3 -
I have to take on Saito's decision

6 . v13 c3 -
If I were to not see them again I would not be able to answer

7 . v13 c3 -
A raging Louise rose from her slumber with an explosion that blew away every one of the rude boys.

8 . v13 c3 -
Normally I fall asleep soundly and lay

9 . v13 c3 -
I was already prepared for this even from the time I left Westwood village. I wanted to see so many things;

10 . v13 c4 -
Unfortunately, because everyone was saying things out from the bottom of their, which they wouldn't have otherwise dared to talk about.

11 . v13 c4 -
His face was a combination of a handsome one but with long black hair

12 . v13 c4 -
Though the Ondine Knights may not know of Louise's background, on the other hand, they Do know of the potential lethal damages she is capable of.
I wanted to change it to -
Though the Ondine Knights did not know of Louise's background, they knew of the potential lethal damages she was capable of.

13 . v13 c4 -
Looking across the room, he realized the copper golems were already down to one left, Guiche taking a step back with every blow of Carlo's.
Copper or bronze?

14 . v13 c4 -
leaving Guiche holding a fake rose dropping its petals and with a long blade

15 . v13 c4 -
You guys were so insisting to fight
Can I use determined instead of insisting?

16 . v13 c4 -
Displeased and that sort.
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by Shadowys »

1. This is rather something from the writer, and has been mistranslated.
她平静的说出这让罗马利亚的神官们听到会当场倒地的话语。
She calmly said something that would make the priests from Romalia faint immediately if they've heard it.

2. Yes, it should be 'on the double' here.

3. Original:
队员们再次欢呼起来。
基修催促着他旁边让人觉得已经疲惫不堪的才人。
Which could be translated as,
The troops cheered again.
Guiche prodded Saito, who was already tired beyond his limit.

4. Rather, it is a mistranslation of this sentence: " Leaning against..."
靠着船舷远远看着他们的是本次被护卫对象的露易丝,以及为了和苛尔贝尔一起行动追着他登上『东方』号的库尔凯,还能看到那蓝发娇小的塔巴莎。
Leaning against the cabin wall and looking at them from afar were Louise, the person they were supposed to escort, Colbert, along with Kirche who followed him all the way to the Ostland, and the petite blue-haired girl, Tabitha.

5. This chapter should be flagged as MTL. It's somewhat mistranslated. I will have it reviewed with the current higher-ups.
Original : 自己必须报答才人的那觉悟。
She should do something in return for Saito.

6. Original : 果再也不能和这样的家人相会,自己一定会受不了的。
If she couldn't meet her family again like this, she would not be able to take it.

7. 狂怒的露易丝用爆发把这群无礼的家伙和墙一起轰了出去。
Louise, in a fit of rage, used Explosion to blast these unruly guys out along with the wall.

8. Original 平时的话,自己只要一躺在上面就能马上睡着,但今天不行。
Which could be translated as, Normally, she would have fallen asleep the instant she laid down on the bed, but she couldn't do it today.

9. Original :
这,在自己离开西木村的时候已经有觉悟了。
想看各种各样的东西。
This, was something she had already thought through when she left Westwood village.
She wanted to see all kinds of things.

10. Original : 不过所有人口中都在说着充声势的话,因此谁也没有听到才人的自语。
Which could be translated as, However, as everyone was saying while being full of themselves, nobody heard Saito's monologue.

11. Original : 那相貌和说是美男子的温和男人有一头长长的黑发。
Which could be translated as, The gentle man, who looked like a bishounen, had a head of long dark hair.

12. Yes, your revision is much better. Original :水精灵骑士队员们并不知道露易丝是虚无的背负者。不过,他们知道露易丝那爆发的威力。

13. Original : 瓦尔基里已被打得只剩一个的基修正在遭到加尔罗的猛攻下不断后退。
The author used Valkyrie here, I think.
Guiche, who was down to his last Valkyrie, was rapidly retreating under Carlo's aggression.

14. Original full sentence, 加尔罗很轻松的对付着只剩一个瓦尔基里,手中握着施有刃的光秃秃玫瑰假花的基修。
It was easy for Carlos to take on Guiche, who only had one Valkyrie, his hands holding a fake rose with no petals and a blade extended from the rose.
This sentence could use some work on the blade part. I think it's a sword with a rose at the tip of the handle.

15. Original : 我总觉得你们做法这么强硬
Here it means that their attitude were rough, so it may be translated as, You guys were so insistent on fighting

16. 不满之类的。不满之类的。
Being displeased and that sort of stuff.
Winter's the time of the year,
when the cold chill the skin,
from the very within,
but you grasped my hand,
your eyes shedding a frozen tear.
Our eyes met,
and warmth filled the air.
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Re: Zero no Tsukaima translation and editing discussion

Post by Arcorann »

Shadowys wrote: 22. 那是远远超出露易丝预想,如同已经越过火龙山脉一般的话语。
That was some words that were leagues out of Louise's expectation, something that have soared past the fire dragon mountain. (No idea why the author used this analogy)
The mountains are mentioned in Volume 1 as Flame's place of origin, and are visited in Volume 18.

By the way, if you want Japanese raws for any of these lines, let me know.
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