Editing Volumes 1 and 2

[Ephyon]

I’ve been going through the first two volumes touching up some stuff, but took care not to make any major changes. However there are a couple issues that are either too big to decide on my own or can’t figure out, so I thought it better to ask:

General:

Someone can PLEASE make up their mind over whatever the hell Kirche and Fouquet’s runic names are? Subtle Fever? Ardent? Subtle Heat? Gentle Flame? Not-quite-so-hot-open-fire? Crumbling Earth? Crumbling Dirt? Crunchy Crumbs?

Volume 1, Chapter 7

As I said before, trying to fully mask Fouquet’s gender in the prose through the whole chapter is down-right impossible without making it incredibly awkward. I’d like to just go through the script and use male pronoun following the “assume-male-if-unknown” custom.


Volume 2

Magic Guard/Magic Knights

The name of Wardes’ unit is inconsistent. Someone pick one.

Volume 2, Chapter 3

"Dependable familiar-san."
“Guiche-san?"

Okay, that just sticks like a sore thumb. Since it’s Henrietta and the whole setting is medieval, I think changing her form of address to the courtesy “master” (master Guiche, master Familiar) would be appropriate. For those who don’t know, it’s more or less a polite way to refer to an equal or lower, most famously used in Elizabethan-era materials. It’s basically an archaic “mister” and just sounds well with Henrietta’s manner of speech.

Volume 2, Chapter 5

Is there any point to still having the first chunk of the previous translation there?

Volume 2, Chapter 6

“The golems continually appeared and headed towards the kitchen, aiming and letting fly all their arrows at Guiche’s statues.”

I don’t get this. The Valkyrie golems ARE Guiche’s statues and he’s got a summon limit, not to mention all they are doing is carrying stuff from the kitchen to the bar. I’m guessing it’s the soldiers firing at the Valkyries, but the “continually” just baffles me.

Guiche’s “Allergy” spell.

This sounds… really random. Especially for a battle. I have no idea what the original was but it’d warrant checking it at least.

“Your Highness, this ship only has enough wind stones in store to travel the shortest distance to Albion.”

Since he’s talking to Wardes, either he’s being ironic, or the translator messed up the term. I’m guessing it should be another respectful form of address like “your lordship”.

[Darknemo2000]

Leave -san's and -sama's in peace. The mister, sir, master would look way way more freaky.

[Vaelis]

General:

Someone can PLEASE make up their mind over whatever the hell Kirche and Fouquet’s runic names are? Subtle Fever? Ardent? Subtle Heat? Gentle Flame? Not-quite-so-hot-open-fire? Crumbling Earth? Crumbling Dirt? Crunchy Crumbs?

My preferences:

Kirche the Ardent
Fouquet the Crumbling Dirt

Volume 2, Chapter 3

"Dependable familiar-san."
“Guiche-san?"

Don't touch this.

Volume 2, Chapter 5

Is there any point to still having the first chunk of the previous translation there?

Removed

But there was a strange part in chapter 5.
I've edited it and I've seen that one sentence wasn't translated: 才人は疲れた頭で、潮の満ち引きでも関係してるんだろうか、と思った。潮の干満は月の動きで決まるからなあ

Saito, worn-out, thought how it might be, however, related to the 満ち引き of the tide. The ebb and flood are regulated(?) by the movement of the moon.

Volume 2, Chapter 6

“The golems continually appeared and headed towards the kitchen, aiming and letting fly all their arrows at Guiche’s statues.”

I don’t get this. The Valkyrie golems ARE Guiche’s statues and he’s got a summon limit, not to mention all they are doing is carrying stuff from the kitchen to the bar. I’m guessing it’s the soldiers firing at the Valkyries, but the “continually” just baffles me.

Err yes it's totally wrong.
I've edited it.

Guiche’s “Allergy” spell.

I said it was "Valkyrie" spell... but it wasn't edited.
It's done.

“Your Highness, this ship only has enough wind stones in store to travel the shortest distance to Albion.”

Since he’s talking to Wardes, either he’s being ironic, or the translator messed up the term. I’m guessing it should be another respectful form of address like “your lordship”.

-> Your excellency

[Ephyon]

Don't touch this.

Oh? Can I ask why? Does it have any special significance?

満ち引き

I'm only vaguely making out this is supposed to be the cycle of the tides. The sentence seems logical, he's mistaking the moon's influence on the delayed departure as it being an effect on the tides instead of a sign of Albion's approach.

[ShadowZeroHeart]

Don't touch this.

Oh? Can I ask why? Does it have any special significance?

満ち引き

I'm only vaguely making out this is supposed to be the cycle of the tides. The sentence seems logical, he's mistaking the moon's influence on the delayed departure as it being an effect on the tides instead of a sign of Albion's approach.

I believe Vaelis meant to keep it as -san. This is afterall a JAPANESE light novel. Changing all the terms within would cause things to seem different. There are some parts that may be best kept at Japanese terms, so that would make it easier by keeping them all in Japanese terms.