ばか！バカ！　馬鹿ー月！

Most of us have seen a series of anime that left us to wonder what would happen if the circumstances or characters were tweaked a bit. This topic is devoted to those circumstances. The fun part is that you get to write your own spin-off or doujin short story about some of your favorite characters. Here is how it will be done. The previous poster will ask a question such as, "What if Sagara Sousuke was more normal and Chidori Kaname the war nut?" The writer will come up with a scenario for that to happen and go from there. The hope here is that the stories will be short, to the point, and funnier than funny. Anyone care to start with the question above?

What if Amuro goes into the Gundam for the very first time and there was no manual?

Amuro, seeing the devastation caused by the oncoming enemy forces, decided to seek shelter. Running for dear life, he spots a truck with a trailer attached to it. Deciding that with no better choice out on the open road, he dashes for going under the trailer. Suddenly, a stray shot blows a hole in the road behind the trailer, which is parked at a slant on the middle of the road. The trailer, which had been covered before now, has its tarp blown off of it, revealing a large humanoid machine.

The machine is instantly noticeable as it has peace signs, daisies, and a message that says, "I kill for peace" on the arm and side of the head. Not only this, the machine is painted like the rainbow and has more colors on it than a box of crayons. The body is notably male and quite chiseled. Ironically, the machine appears to have rocket lauchers, machine guns, lasers, and a giant sword - things that just say, "Man, I could blow up entire world here and teach them all for making fun of me. Mwahahahahaaa~!!!"

However, Amuro is too scared to notice most of this, all except for the peace signs, daisies, and rainbows. He falls in love with the machine instantly. For a moment, Amuro imagines himself in a field with the machine, running and frolicking around - that is, until he notices that the machine's footprints leave holes in the earth the size of a small crater. Snapping back to reality, Amuro decides to see if he can use the machine for cover instead. "Surely, a machine like this will not draw any attention," he thought.

Hopping onto the trailer, Amuro quickly scans where to get into the machine. It appears to be undamaged after the explosion that blew off the cover. Suddenly, the chest opens with a creepy, effeminate male voice saying, "Please get inside desu wa." Amuro, unphased, hops inside with the cockpit door closing and locking immediately. The chest cockpit is small, cramped, and hot. It is also grotesquely painted and has pink feathery controls and a purple gaudy seat. The voice returns saying, "Please start me."

"How?"

"Read the manual. It should be right at your feet."

"Umm...I do not see it."

"Well, now, turn to page 638, section 1.9.20.25, paragraph 16, sentence 3."

"Woah, woah, woah, woah!!! I said that I cannot find it."

"That is fine, honey. Instead, turn to page 1056, section 917365.07426.4625, paragraph N-132C, sentence 0."

"I said that there is no manual."

"Switching to Spanish."

"Hola," says the voice.

"Yeah, hi to you, too. Please switch back to English or Japanese or whatever language those horrible translators are going to put into my mouth. I mean, just because I have a physical defect where my mouth moves like Kermit the Frog's does not, DOES NOT, mean that they can make me say whatever the heck they want to! I have feelings, too! I am a human being!" *censored rant*

A half of an hour later, Amuro is finally calmed down, although the voice, which appears to be that of the onboard computer quietly sobs.

"My last lover, I mean, pilot, was like that, too." *heavily censored computer rant*

Another 26 episodes later, 5 minutes have passed, despite the computer's sad long rant of a tale that nobody cares about prattles on.

After finally finishing their diatribes, Amuro and the computer make up. The amazing thing is that despite all of this, Amuro is still alive with the attack going on outside. He decides to celebrate by singing bad disco to the computer. The computer is thrilled, but it then decides to start a karaoke contest for who can sing worse.

All of a sudden a missile flies into the machine and shakes Amuro around the cockpit.

"Oh, yeah. That is right. People are dying out there while I am doing disco in here in my nice little shelter. I think I will call it G*ndam. Screw them!" thought Amuro.

All of a sudden another missile flies into the machine and shakes Amuro around the cockpit again.

The computer cries, "Stop it! That tickles!"

Amuro, on the other hand, thinks, "Well, maybe I should do something."

Finally, a third missile hits.

"OKAY!!! FINE ALREADY!!! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! NOW EVERYONE DIES!!!"

The computer voice is heard, "Flower power mode."

Instantly, all of the weapons on the outside fall off of the "G*ndam" and the trailer onto the ground.

"Launching."

Amuro, too angry, fails to notice.

"Finding the guy who will most likely be the pilot's rival (although we will die immediately from having a crappy, n00b of a pilot)...Enemy found..."

Amuro soon snaps out of his rage as the machine jets off at high force, almost making Amuro's bones into jelly.

"G*ndam, stop this crazy thing!"

"I cannot do that, Amuro."

"I said stop! Wait! How do you know my name?!"

"I know everything about you, Amuro."

Amuro hears the head turning.

"Uh, did the head just do a 360?"

"Yes."

"Oh sh--"

Before Amuro knows it, his would-be rival has sliced through the machine with his sword, killing Amuro instantly. However, his opponent does not have the last laugh, as the machine's auto-destruct triggers the "Kiss-my-butt-goodbye mode." Everything vanishes with the would-be rival cursing Amuro and screaming like a little girl, his last thoughts being, "I wish I was in that machine."

Next question: what if Shinji's father decided to be an overprotective, doting father halfway through the series?

Father: Shiji, I've decided I need to be a good, loving father who respects my son's feelings and isn't going to force him to pilot a giant mecha-thing to save the world. You can go home now.
Shinji: angst
.
. Ten minutes later
.
Shinji: end angst
*Shinji leaves*

Several days later:
The earth is destroyed.
The end.


New:
What if Higurashi no Naku Koro ni were a magical girl show?

Everyone: *claws throat and dies*
Rika: pipiru piru piru pipiru pi~
Everyone: *comes back to life*
Hanyuu: Nyaa~

Repeat until Rika dies due to exhaustion but revives in a new world right after

What if the entire cast of Lova Hina switched genders?

Since Keitaro was born a girl, she now has the name "Kei."

8:00 pm at the police station. Kei is standing at a desk filling out lots of forms.

Officer: "So tell me, how did you wind up in this mess?"

Kei: "Well, I thought I was going to an all-girls dorm to help my grandma manage the place. She did not tell me that it was all-boys dorm instead. Before I knew it, I was surrounded by bishounen. The thing was that I did not have a problem helping out, but I did not know that they would all, um, you know, be so into the whole playing field, if you get what I mean. I just thought that they were nice at first. Then came the roses, the missing things, the calls in the middle of the night, the times they would hit me for walking into the room at a bad time (I still have the marks you know), the times when they decide to find out my secrets, the times they invented crazy games, and all of that stuff. I was scared stiff. I wanted just to study to go to Toudai. They would not leave me alone. So, I decided to leave and go home to study. It did not end. In fact, it got worse. They stalked me and sent crazy letters. Before I knew it, I was beaten up and a broken woman inside. I finally decided to come here."

Officer: "That is good that you came, but be more careful in the future. These kinds of guys think that they can do whatever they please. Unfortunately, ma'am, we are going to need have you identify them. I mean, they are so bloodied up from your act of 'self-defense' that we do not know who is who."

Kei: "That is fine, officer. Just let me finish signing the restraining order here with the lawsuits for $1 million a piece as well as the criminal charges. There we go."

Officer: "Good. Everything is in order here. Also, ma'am, we will need to confiscate your stun gun, pepper spray, baseball bat, AK-47, tank, kendou sword, pet turtle, broken alcohol bottle, and various other items for evidence in the case."

Kei dumps a pile of stuff the size of full-size refrigerator onto the desk and leaves.

What if Konata of Lucky Star was a tsundere as well as Kagami?

Konata: I am so glad I am in a different class from you! I can't stand being with you all the time!

Kagami: For once we agree on something!

Side-story: Konata then starts gaming on H-games heavily, as she doesnt spend time with Kagami, unless Kagami finds her. But Kagami never does, with her pride and all, and sheds tears of loneliness at night, while waiting for Konata to find her.

And so, the two starts to distant away, and both forgets each other in time to come...

As to whether Konata eventually commits certain crimes without Kagami's supervision, that is up to you to decide...



That is a joke, dun treat this post as a count, but

"What if this thread is shifted to Commune instead? Because this doesnt belong to anime section I think...? Any objections? If not I might shift it soon."

As for the next post, ignore my previous reply and answer that previous question for Lucky star again... this post might be deleted in due time.

If this topic moved to the "Commune" section, a space-time continuum anomaly would occur, causing all of the universe to be destroyed.

Actually, I do not care where it goes.

What if the cast of Slayers starred in "Animal House?"

What if we replace every whussy, indecisive male lead in harem school setting with 90's action heroes?

Example:

Bruce Willis in ANYTHING!

Every japanese person stops reading manga/watching anime and japan becomes a third world country after suffering a huge economic blow.

What if Goku didn't bump his head as a small child in Dragonball and became evil like Vegeta?

Then Dragonball Z would have been a 13 Episode anime and not an over-bloated franchise.

(As you can see, I dislike DBZ with a passion)

What if America didn't become a superpower?

Everyone would speak Russian and swear allegiance to our glorious wiki-communist leaders of course!

What if the foibles of the current world economy did not exist?

Then the rich would steal from the poor, and throughout the world there would be Robin Hoods raining hell onto pretty much everything.

What if Republicans and Democrats actually worked together?

The USA would lose all sense of restraint, declare war on the world and cause the extinction of humanity.

What if Germany had won WWI?

The Treaty of Versailles would never been written, and WWII and the Holocaust most likely would never have occurred, at least on the European side of things. Much of the borders in Africa and the Middle East would probably be different. The British Empire would also most likely still exist on a larger scale.

What if bands in anime series like K-On! were real?