The Joke of the Day 2: The Laughing Man

[chrnno]

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

[ainsoph9]

What do you get when you line three blondes up in a row?

A wind tunnel.

What do a smart blonde, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny all have in common?

They are not real.

[chrnno]

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.

“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

[Mystes]

Any good jokes left?

[ainsoph9]

What do you call three blondes standing in a row?

A wind tunnel.

[b0mb3r]

Any good jokes left?

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a “great” writer.

When asked to define “great” he said “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

[Mystes]

I found that on Internet:

Kissing the nun
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.

She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

[ainsoph9]

That reminds me of another joke somewhat similar. Anyhow...

[b0mb3r]

New dean

Listening to the commencement address by the new dean, Professor Papp turned to a woman sitting beside him.

“Can you believe that the trustees named someone so ugly to be our new dean?”

Stiffening, the woman said, “I beg your pardon, but do you know who I am?”

Turning to study her, the professor replied, “Can’t say I do.”

“I’ll have you know that I am that ugly man’s wife!”

Drawing himself erect, the professor shot back, “And do you know who I am?”

“I haven’t had the pleasure,” she said icily.

“Good,” he replied, “then my job’s still safe.”

[ainsoph9]

Here are enough daily jokes to go on for a while.

[Mystes]

Here are enough daily jokes to go on for a while.

No other people post one?

[ainsoph9]

Here is one I found yesterday:

Mrs Goldstein was playing a round of golf on a hot afternoon when she hit the ball right into the rough. She went to fetch it and where the ball had landed she found a frog in a trap.

"Please help me" the frog exclaimed, "If you let me out I'll grant you three wishes!"

Without wasting any time Mrs Goldstein releases the frog and waits for him to speak again.

"What I failed to tell you", the frog said, "is that whatever YOU wish for, Mr Goldstein will get 10 times better or more"

Mrs Goldstein is happy anyway and goes ahead with her first wish.

"I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world!" she demanded

"You do realise", said the frog, "that Mr Goldstein will become the most handsome man in the world and all women will flock to him."

However, Mrs Goldstein believes that if she is the most beautiful woman in the world, then he will only have eyes for her.
Next come her second wish:

"I wish I was the richest woman in the world!"

And so the frog tld her that Mr Goldstein will be 10 times richer than her. However Mrs Goldstein knew that as his wife whatever money belongs to him also belongs to her.

"And finally," the frog said, "you're last wish Mrs Goldstein?"

"I would like a mild heart attck!"

[Mystes]

That'S a bit sexist but:

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies." He responded.

"Oh! Are you killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked ..... "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

[ainsoph9]

Tell a joke. Please nothing offensive (i.e., racist, sexist, etc.).

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

[Rajikai]

It's a riddle, but it's somewhat of a joke riddle...

Two men are on a boat. Peat and Repeat. Peat jumps out, whose left on the boat?