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Smidge204
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Missing paragraphs

Post by Smidge204 »

Akiha discovered two missing paragraphs while proofreading the prologue. They are as follows:
Page 35-36 wrote:俺はケーブルの先端《せんたん》をプラプラと振《ふ》る。正しく察してくれた三年生にしてまだ現役の部長氏は、快く延長コードのソケットを貸してくれた。ハルヒによるコンピ研SOS団第二支部化は着実に進行しているようで何よりだ。どこかで歯止めをかけないと、地球の全大陸が砂漠化《きぱくか》するより先に人類総SOS団員化が成し遂《と》げられるかもしれん。いくらなんでもホモ・サピエンスはそこまで馬鹿《ぼか》になってないと信じたい。
Page 38 wrote:それか新学期早々、新一年生の女子たちから下駄箱《げたぼこ》にラブリーな封筒《ふうとう》を投げ込まれて困惑《こんわく》しているんだとしたら、俺の同情する余地はシャミセンの抜《め》け毛ほどに無用のものとなるぜ。なにしろ古泉は黙《だま》って立っていたら問答無用で異性の目を引きそうなッラをハルヒと並んでしていやがるからな。
Anyone care to take a stab at them? Akiha also mentioned several mistranslations, which you can probably find on one of his note pages.

=Smidge=
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deskoh91
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Post by deskoh91 »

I feel really embarrassed when there are so many mistakes in translation... :oops:

oh, my book version isnt japanese, so I will have to leave this to other translators with knowledge of japanese I guess.
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Smidge204
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Post by Smidge204 »

This is sort of expected, when using two different (and somewhat esoteric) languages. Your translation can't possibly be any better than the version you're translating, after all.

This is why we proofread and have multiple people work together on it 8)
=Smidge=
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Post by onizuka-gto »

Smidge204 wrote: This is why we proofread and have multiple people work together on it 8)
=Smidge=
...yet it only takes one language otaku perfectionist to bind them all.... :roll:
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akiha
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Post by akiha »

phew. I managed to translate them. I'm unsure about the validity of the structure of them.
see also my guideline of translation, and feel free to edit them!
Sadly my motivation isn't enough to add the gist. :roll: I hope you don't misunderstand meanings.

the missing paragraph in page 35-36
Actually, the paragraph seems to have been partially translated. :?
This should be inserted between "... earthlings like you and me." and "I connected the plug to the socket ..."

Current translation:
I swung the connector of the extension cable while thinking about the fact that this third year president actually allowed us to borrow their power source just because of this.

My translation:
I swung the connector of cable. Noticing this, the third year president willingly handed me the socket of a cable extension. The project conducted by Haruhi that Computer Research Society is swallowed by SOS brigade as a branch office of that is successfully gradually developping. If we don't put a brake on it, perphaps she'll finally attain the "All Human Is Member of SOS Brigade" Project in the future before desertification spread out all the world. I trust Homo sapiens aren't foolish to allow the project to be carried out.

The following words is translated literaly. I wonder this is idiomatic wordings.
  • ホモ・サピエンス -> Homo sapiens
the missing paragraph in page 38
This should be inserted between "...for you would be as free as me." and “Kyon, start playing...”
My translation:
Or in case Koizumi already was confused with some love letters in shoe box from first grade girls at the very begging of the new semester, my sympathy would bocome as unnecessary as molts of Shamisen. After all, he has as good a face as Haruhi, because of which, if they stood silently, they would unconditionally attract notice from people who is in the oppsite sex.
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Smidge204
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Post by Smidge204 »

"Homo Sapiens" is a scientific term for the humans species.

deskoh91 is working from the Chinese version, if I'm not mistaken, so it's possible most of this was lost going from Janpanese -> Chinese.

First draft revision. I took some liberties with the wording (breaking my own rule, really) and this is what I came up with.
akiha wrote:I swung the end of the extension cable around. Noticing this, the third year president willingly handed me the socket of their extension cable. Haruhi's project to assimilate the Computer Research Society into the SOS brigade as a branch office has so far been successful and is gradually developing. If we don't put a stop to it, perphaps she'll finally attain the "All Humans are Members of the SOS Brigade" project in the future before desertification spreads throughout the world. I trust Homo Sapiens aren't foolish enough to allow that project to be carried out.
The sentence in italics is giving me some trouble. It sort of makes sense but not really... the word "attain" suggests the completion of the project, but for some reason I think "begin" would fit better here? Any opinions?
akiha wrote:If Koizumi already was confused with some love letters in his shoe locker from first grade girls at the very begging of the new semester, my sympathy would become as unnecessary as molts of Shamisen. After all, he has as good a face as Haruhi, and if they stood silently they would unconditionally attract attention from people of the oppsite sex.

Lastly...

*sets Oni on fire*

=Smidge=
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Post by TheGiftedMonkey »

I think attain works perfectly fine in that sentence. Would sound better if you put "attain her goal of" too.

Lolz @ more Kyon/Koizumi gayness.
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akiha
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Post by akiha »

thanks, Smidge204
I added supplemental text from implications in Japanese to minimize the leap in logic.

I swung the end of the extension cable around. Noticing this, the third year president willingly handed me the socket of their extension cable. Haruhi's project to assimilate the Computer Research Society into the SOS brigade as a branch office has so far been successful and is gradually developing. If we don't put a stop to it, the project will grow into the "All Humans are Members of the SOS Brigade" project to the full extent, and perphaps she'll finally attain it in the future before desertification spreads throughout the world. I trust Homo Sapiens aren't foolish enough to allow that project to be carried out.
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deskoh91
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Post by deskoh91 »

Smidge204 wrote:"Homo Sapiens" is a scientific term for the humans species.

deskoh91 is working from the Chinese version, if I'm not mistaken, so it's possible most of this was lost going from Japanese -> Chinese.

..

=Smidge=
you are right about this. I am working from the unofficial mainland chinese copy, mainly because the official taiwanese chinese version isnt out yet (will probably take a year judging from Volume 8 ). hope you all wont mind.
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Post by TheGiftedMonkey »

Not at all seeing as it'll be many years before they even get that far in English releases. :D So even a general idea of the story is good enough for me.
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akiha
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Post by akiha »

Time passed... Is it almost time to add these missing parts to the page? :roll:
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pxstg
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Post by pxstg »

Well, I was going to make a rephrasal, but I think smidge's look pretty good as they are. I'm just going to make a few tiny changes and add them to the prologue.
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akiha
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Post by akiha »

pxstg wrote:Well, I was going to make a rephrasal, but I think smidge's look pretty good as they are. I'm just going to make a few tiny changes and add them to the prologue.
Good job!
Here is an evolution of my Engrish :roll: I want to show off the result of my cool program called edit_history. :roll: Programming is very exciting!!

Code: Select all

akiha     : I swung the connector of cable.                         Noticing this, the third year president willingly handed me the socket
smidge    : I swung the end       of the    extension cable around. Noticing this, the third year president willingly handed me the socket
akiha2    : I swung the end       of the    extension cable around. Noticing this, the third year president willingly handed me the socket
pxstg     : I swung the end       of the    extension cable around. Noticing this, the third year president willingly handed me the socket
typo      : I swung the end       of the    extension cable around. Noticing this, the third year president willingly handed me the socket


akiha     : of a     cable     extension. The      project conducted by         Haruhi that Computer Research Society is   swallowed by SOS brigade as a
smidge    : of their extension cable.     Haruhi's project to        assimilate the         Computer Research Society into the          SOS brigade as a
akiha2    : of their extension cable.     Haruhi's project to        assimilate the         Computer Research Society into the          SOS brigade as a
pxstg     : of their extension cable.     Haruhi's project to        assimilate the         Computer Research Society into the          SOS brigade as a
typo      : of their extension cable.     Haruhi's project to        assimilate the         Computer Research Society into the          SOS brigade as a


akiha     : branch office of  that                         is successfully gradually developping. If we don't put a brake on it,
smidge    : branch office has so   far been successful and is              gradually developing.  If we don't put a stop  to it,
akiha2    : branch office has so   far been successful and is              gradually developing.  If we don't put a stop  to it,
pxstg     : branch office has so   far been successful and is              gradually developing.  If we don't put a stop  to it,
typo      : branch office has so   far been successful and is              gradually developing.  If we don't put a stop  to it,


akiha     : perphaps she'll  finally attain      the "All Human  Is  Member  of     SOS Brigade" Project                      
smidge    : perphaps she'll  finally attain      the "All Humans are Members of the SOS Brigade" project                      
akiha2    : the      project will    grow   into the "All Humans are Members of the SOS Brigade" project  to the full extent, and
pxstg     : the      project will    grow   into the "All Humans are Members of the SOS Brigade" project,                     and
typo      : the      project will    grow   into the "All Humans are Members of the SOS Brigade" project,                     and


akiha     :                                     in the future before desertification spread  out        all the world. I trust Homo sapiens aren't
smidge    :                                     in the future before desertification spreads throughout     the world. I trust Homo Sapiens aren't
akiha2    : perphaps she'll finally attain   it in the future before desertification spreads throughout     the world. I trust Homo Sapiens aren't
pxstg     : she      might  even    complete it               before desertification spreads throughout     the world. I trust Homo Sapiens aren't
typo      : she      might  even    complete it               before desertification spreads throughout     the world. I trust Homo Sapiens aren't


akiha     : foolish        to allow the  project      to be carried out. Or in case Koizumi already was         confused with
smidge    : foolish enough to allow that project      to be carried out. If         Koizumi already was         confused with
akiha2    : foolish enough to allow that project      to be carried out. If         Koizumi already was         confused with
pxstg     : foolish enough to allow such a       plan to be carried out. If         Koizumi         was already confused with
typo      : foolish enough to allow such a       plan to be carried out. If         Koizumi         was already confused with


akiha     : some love letters in     shoe box    from first grade girls at the very begging   of the new semester, my
smidge    : some love letters in his shoe locker from first grade girls at the very begging   of the new semester, my
akiha2    : some love letters in his shoe locker from first grade girls at the very begging   of the new semester, my
pxstg     : some love letters in his shoe locker from first grade girls at the very beggining of the new semester, my
typo      : some love letters in his shoe locker from first grade girls at the very beginning of the new semester, my


akiha     : sympathy would bocome as unnecessary as molts      of     Shamisen. After all, he has as good a face as Haruhi, because
smidge    : sympathy would become as unnecessary as molts      of     Shamisen. After all, he has as good a face as Haruhi, and
akiha2    : sympathy would become as unnecessary as molts      of     Shamisen. After all, he has as good a face as Haruhi, and
pxstg     : sympathy would become as unnecessary as Shamisen's molts.           After all, he has as good a face as Haruhi, and
typo      : sympathy would become as unnecessary as Shamisen's molts.           After all, he has as good a face as Haruhi, and


akiha     : of which, if they stood silently, they would unconditionally attract notice    from people who is in the oppsite  sex.
smidge    :           if they stood silently  they would unconditionally attract attention from people of        the oppsite  sex.
akiha2    :           if they stood silently  they would unconditionally attract attention from people of        the oppsite  sex.
pxstg     :           if they stood silently,      would unconditionally attract attention from people of        the opposite sex.
typo      :           if they stood silently,      would unconditionally attract attention from people of        the opposite sex.
Edit: In some platform, this isn't rendered in fixed font.... But this following link to a paragraph on baka-tsuki's wiki works in that way..
http://baka-tsuki.net/project/index.php ... it_history
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pxstg
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Post by pxstg »

Cool, you can really see the process of editorial selection at work in the evolution over time. :lol:
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