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an Engrish speaker
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Post by an Engrish speaker »

No.1
roastedpekingduck wrote:I recalled that in the fantasy world those whom we had to visit automatically came to us while we were sitting around. We skipped various events that were supposed to happen, and only smashed up the demon lord's castle into pieces. It was like a story in which following chapter of the prologue was the epilogue. It was the failure that we didn't have even a single fight against the demon lord. If the things go the way as it is, we would repeat the same mistake. We must avoid that. We should be careful this time so much as to at least stand face to face with Mr. Big.

I was a tad confused with this sentence. "It was failure that we didn't have a single fight against the demon lord." Perhaps "We failed to have a single fight against the demon lord" will fit better? Also, I was a bit confused about "Mr. Big." Would "stand face to face with the big boss" perhaps be a bit better?
your suggestion, "We failed to have a single fight against the demon lord" feels a little far from the original meaning.
I originally wanted to mean:
"We even skipped a fight against the big boss. That was bad."
Do you have any appropriate alternative?

As for "Mr.Big", i also think "the big boss" is better. I didn't come up with a suitable word for that part and just picked up Mr.Big from my dictionary.
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No.2
roastedpekingduck wrote: I also changed some sentences after that.
This was the original:
"Maximum warp, Kyon! 'Schismatrix', thrust ahead, full!"
Giving a unique name to the ship, she commanded me and I carry out the order without protesting.

I changed it to this:
"Maximum warp, Kyon! 'Schismatrix', full speed ahead!"
Having given a unique name to the ship, she followed by giving me commands. I carried out the orders without protesting.

I added "following" to help with the flow of the sentence to help connect the "giving a unique name to the ship" and "she commanded me." I set off I carried out the orders because the phrase felt like a new sentence.
I don't know much about flows, but your suggestions sound better and appropriate. Thanks!!
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No.3
roastedpekingduck wrote: "Because her hunch is beyond just a hunch, entering the realm of undoubtable prophecy and I've been already made to know, so much as even the death wouldn't let me forget, that whenever we head to where she points, we inevitably end up bumping into something queer, whether or not we hope it."
Is there anyway to change that sentence? I understand it, but it seems like the thing could be split into several sentences. Unfortunately, it's quite easy to change the meaning of the sentence as well.
Alt.1
Because her hunch is beyond just a hunch, entering the realm of undoubtable prophecy. And because I've been already made to know, so much as even the death wouldn't let me forget, that whenever we head to where she points, we inevitably end up bumping into something queer, whether or not we hope it.
(closest to the original meaning.)

Alt.2
Because her hunch is beyond just a hunch, entering the realm of undoubtable prophecy. And I've been already made to know, so much as even the death wouldn't let me forget, that whenever we head to where she points, we inevitably end up bumping into something queer, whether or not we hope it.
(I eliminate 'because', but, as you can see on Alt.1, originally the 2nd sentence is also the reason for that he obediently carried out her order.)

Alt.3
Because I've been already made to know, so much as even the death wouldn't let me forget, that whenever we head somewhere according to her intuition, which is entering the realm of undoubtable prophecy, we inevitably end up bumping into something queer, whether or not we hope it.
(it's lengthy after all and little too far from the original)

Which should I take or leave it as it is?
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No.4
roastedpekingduck wrote: Final question for a bit...
"Funk. The screen is covered with the sight that I feel sick. I should depict it crooked swirling day-glo pattern or something like the bizarre logo on the SOS Brigade site. Anyway, this is as expected of warp. I'm rather impressed by the view, which looks way similar to the the warping scene of an animation I saw when I was a kid."

Funk? I'm not exactly sure what that part means.
I don't know much about mimetic words in English. I just picked up from Jp>En dictionary. originally, he wants to say the warp view makes him feel sick or bout of vomiting. I think "yuck" may be better in this case.

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No.5
I also have a question to ask you, readers:

my original translation:
To tell the truth, I don't know if we are really in space and I think this can be just a dream rather than actual universe. So I don't gaze into this sea of stars with starry eyes. This is likely rather because I've resigned to fight against this situation, than I've lost the kid in me.
(in this case that he has lost the kid in him is not the reason)

an anonymous reader changed the part a little:
To tell the truth, I don't know if we are really in space and I think this can be just a dream rather than actual universe. So I don't gaze into this sea of stars with starry eyes. This is likely rather because I've resigned to fight against this situation, as I have lost the kid in me.
(I think the part was changed to mean "that he has lost the kid in him is the reason")

I originally meant "This is likely because I've resigned myself to fight against this situation, rather than because (not becasue) I have lost the kid in me."
(because of my poor skill, I don't know sure if what i want to say is understood by you.)
I wanted to use a grammatical structure "rather A than B" for sentences with "because"

was the meaning actually changed, or just my misinterpretation?
Last edited by an Engrish speaker on Sun Jun 03, 2007 9:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
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roastedpekingduck
Astral Realm

Post by roastedpekingduck »

Thanks for your input. I'll be sure to edit the Sunday after my SAT.
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