Alright, sorry for the delay. T-Yesterday was unexpectedly hectic.
erehwon:
帰参 【きさん】 (n,vs) returning to the service of one's master; ED
帰参、そして――
Returning to Serve the/one's ____, and Then―
Without context, it is vague. The meaning "master" is clear here, but the nature of the master would help the title. Is it a master like "master of the house"? Or is it a shogun? Etc. "Master" alone has certain connotations like "I serve my Master, Sauron" etc. And thus, I pass on the translation burden on to someone else!
Chapter 4: 帰参、そして―― R-?
(Word it as you will; you know as much as I do now.)
Chapter 6: 決戦 Decisive Battle
----
頼通 Yorimichi
(賴通 - father of Juuga)
慎吾 Shingo
(You were correct)
大神武哉 Oogami Takeya
(this is nitpicky, but since we're doing "Yuuki Shingo" then Ogami -> Oogami)
Jumpyshoes:
(By the way, thanks for allowing me to batch process these.)
Just in order to help you interpret parts that sound strange --
(1) Japanese ->
(2) thought ->
(3) rearrange thought for English ->
(4) English
Most of my mistakes will be from
(1) to
(2), and then
(2) to
(3) --
- most things that don't make sense are because I didn't understand the Japanese fully.
- most things that sound awkward are because I didn't want to drastically rearrange the thought for English.
So if you see something strange like "...between that presence, and Sakamoto and Shinji." it's because "Sakamoto and Shinji" was actually in the original text -- I will rarely add something that wasn't in the original text, though I might leave things out. Some expressions are just hard to translate. Like "cut something and send it flying" and "cut something and split it" -- which I will translate to simply to just "slice" and so on, most of the time.
I'm not saying you shouldn't change things like that
(in that particular case, it was probably the best thing to do -- there probably wasn't any good way to have "Sakamoto and Shinji" in that sentence. And honestly, I can't say with any confidence what the difference in feel would be between "坂本と真治" and something like ... maybe "他の二人", "あの二人", or ...), but just saying that for the most part, you can assume that most of the awkwardness is an artifact of something in the Japanese, filtered incompletely through my
(attempted) translation.
So that may or may not help interpretation... moving on --
----
And then, with the face of someone who has been completely made a fool of, he asked Kazuma.
そして、馬鹿にしきった顔つき
で和麻
に問う。
Shinji is the one whose face is that of one being made a fool of. Consider the context: he has just accepted a bad-faith offer. From the start, Kazuma has not liked Sakamoto, and he refused the offer.
Japanese-wise, this is actually not a tricky sentence at all, except for the "馬鹿にしきった" construction that some people may not have seen. So anyone with a few months of Japanese, or hey, even a few days or a few hours, if it's targetted information, can confirm the basic "who is doing what to who, and in what manner."
----
"sucking your finger" -- this is explained
here, in the translator notes.... which haven't been migrated to the wiki yet, thus the confusion, I suppose.
As for whether or not it is a complete sentence. Dialogue. Complete sentences? Not always, you know!
- "Hmmph, coward, sucking your finger." is very similar to
- "You idiot, just standing there and taking it, huh?" and
- "Hey, you over there, riding the red bike. Lunch money, now."
----
note: "youngest child of the branch family" = insult.
"Model example, eh. Didn't you
(just) say that? Just like the youngest child of the branch family."
「手本、ね。言うじゃないか。分家の末っ子ごときが」
My first interpretation was:
"It's just like the youngest child of the branch family to say something like that."
But upon looking closer, I see that it's an inverted sentence structure, in fragments. So the better interpretation is:
"Model example, eh. Isn't it someone like you, the youngest child of the branch family, who's saying that?"
Except Japanese allows a lot more freedom in phrase ordering, so the actual breakdown is, in broken English:
"Model example, eh. Isn't that who's saying that? Someone like you, the youngest child of the branch family."
Note how the 3rd sentence really feels like it should come before the 2nd. Yet in Japanese, this is the correct positioning. I have this aversion to switching sentences around in translation, but anyway... I leave it to the editors now.
----
"10 seconds"
和麻に遅れること十秒以上、妖気が黒く凝り出すに至って、ようやく慎治も気づいた。
Slower than Kazuma by over 10 seconds, the unearthly presence had materialized into something black, before Shinji, too, gradually began to notice.
erehwon has the right interpretation. Shinji is 10 seconds slow. Perhaps this for a reword: "He was slower than Kazuma by over 10 seconds — the unearthly presence had materialized into something black, before Shinji, too, gradually began to notice." Or switch "he" and "Shinji" --
But in any case, English isn't that comfortable cramming too many concepts into a single sentence. There really are quite a few in this sentence. "10 seconds slower", "gradually", "began to notice", "Shinji, too"; and it doesn't quite make sense, because "Shinji, too, gradually began to notice" generally implies that Kazuma was the first one who "gradually began to notice" and then Shinji later ALSO "gradually began to notice".
Am I making sense here? Basically, if you want to remove all the ambiguity in the English, you end up with a monster of a sentence.
"The unearthly presence had materialized into something black, before Shinji also began to notice, but in contrast, he did so gradually, and he was over 10 seconds slower than Kazuma."
The black thing is starting to form but it has not yet "materialized" until it says so -- it was not visible before that. It was merely in the process of coming together. This is what Kazuma sensed. So perhaps you can reword the "tied its focus" to "directed its focus" to make it clear that it's not there yet.
----
"It wasn't an easy business, that that kind of irresponsible agency person could survive."
To quote myself from earlier in the thread: "
[TODO: what are they called? "agent" is a little vague.]"
Anyway, simplifying that sentence:
"It wasn't an easy business, such that an irresponsible agency person could survive."
The basic meaning being:
"It's a tough business. Irresponsible people wouldn't be able to survive in it."
random
Do I sense an Oni-TGM fanfiction in the works?