Book 1 edits

General discussion related to this novel series

Moderators: Fringe Security Bureau, Senior Editors, Senior Translators, Alt. Language Translator/Editor, Executive Council, Project Translators, Project Editors

Re: Book 1, chapter 2

Postby Nerevarine » Sat Aug 23, 2008 10:37 am

Another one...

I'm not so sure about this part. (this is after Shingo and Takeya got chopped up, and after explaining how the wind spirits are like bees, before Ayano shows up)


All the wind spirits should obey Kazuma. [What belongs to Him] The covenant certainly reflected this kind of meaning. For example—— <!--Unclear, please check -->
“That’s impossible…”

Kazuma thinking of the worst-case scenario, weakly sighs saying.



it says "for example" and then....nothing....

Edit: also...right after that

Just thinking about it brought shivers not from cold, but it couldn’t be said to be good luck —— no matter what, Kazuma didn’t want to think that—— but right then it wasn't the best time to stop and think.


what is this about shivers not from the cold....but being from good luck? huh?

Edit 2: Ok last thing (this is towards the very end of the story, only a few lines up)

What he realized then was that the guilty person who killed Shingo and Takeya, no matter how you described it, was Kazuma, furthermore, apparently, he had also killed Oogami Masato.

(They want to enter into a complete war with the Kannagi clan? If that’s the case, it might be quite interesting, allowing people to get excited… then, how will it progress?)


this section actually isnt too bad. I just wanted to double check if the statement is to say Kazuma realized he is being set up, and whether it says that they want to enter a war with the Kannagi clan, or whether they want him to enter a war with them.
User avatar
Nerevarine
Astral Realm
 

Re: Book 1, chapter 2

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Sat Aug 23, 2008 5:56 pm

zzz... sorry, i went to sleep...
Anyways, it took me a while to find the portion, so here goes...

All the wind spirits should obey Kazuma's command, the spirits' contract with "that person", must contain this kind of law[rule]. But it happened......

"An exception."

As he imagines the worst case scenario, Kazuma gives off a powerless moan.


Seems a little unclear, i am guessing that it should be that the spirits' contract with "that person"[perhaps lord of wind spirits?] must contain the law/rule that they should obey the contractor Kazuma?

It makes one lose his enthusiasm[or drive etc?] just thinking about it. But perhaps this could be considered lucky------ Of course, Kazuma does not want to think this way at all, he now has no spare effort to indulge in thought.


Dont ask me why it may be lucky either. =X

From the looks of things now, the one who killed Shingo and Takeya has made me his scapegoat? If even the murder of Oogami Masato is blamed on me------ [or And if they think that i am the one who killed Oogami Masato as well------]

(Will this become an all-out war with the Kannagi? seems interesting, but the feeling that i am being toyed with by someone else sucks......

So then, what should i do next[or now]......)


I guess this is all, hope i answered all questions =X
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
User avatar
ShadowZeroHeart
Senior Project Translator
 
Posts: 3480
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:23 am
Location: Amidst the Shadows

Re: Book 1, chapter 2

Postby Hiyono » Sat Aug 23, 2008 6:25 pm

ShadowZeroHeart wrote:
All the wind spirits should obey Kazuma's command, the spirits' contract with "that person", must contain this kind of law[rule]. But it happened......

"An exception."

As he imagines the worst case scenario, Kazuma gives off a powerless moan.


Seems a little unclear, i am guessing that it should be that the spirits' contract with "that person"[perhaps lord of wind spirits?] must contain the law/rule that they should obey the contractor Kazuma?

It looks correct. It seems to be a "subtle" allusion to the fact that Kazuma is a Contractor.
"There is always an easy solution to every problem - neat, plausible and wrong." H.L. Mencken (1971)
User avatar
Hiyono
Shamisen Wordsmith
 
Posts: 312
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:55 am
Location: The Internets

Re: Book 1, chapter 2

Postby Nerevarine » Sun Aug 24, 2008 1:06 pm

Alright! Chapter 2 is finally all fixed, big thanks to Shadow for the retranslations.

O man, it was so hard to edit such a dysfunctional chapter, i never expected it to take so long on it.

But by no means is it perfect... it probably needs another pair of eyes to fine-tune it.

But anyways, ill take a look at chapter 3, and then its gonna be chapter 4 where we are gonna havta repeat this all over again.

Shadow, ill be countin' on ya!
User avatar
Nerevarine
Astral Realm
 

Re: Book 1, chapter 2

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Sun Aug 24, 2008 5:55 pm

Nerevarine wrote:Alright! Chapter 2 is finally all fixed, big thanks to Shadow for the retranslations.

O man, it was so hard to edit such a dysfunctional chapter, i never expected it to take so long on it.

But by no means is it perfect... it probably needs another pair of eyes to fine-tune it.

But anyways, ill take a look at chapter 3, and then its gonna be chapter 4 where we are gonna havta repeat this all over again.

Shadow, ill be countin' on ya!


Is chapter three that bad too? >"<
Please point out every minor error you find there =X
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
User avatar
ShadowZeroHeart
Senior Project Translator
 
Posts: 3480
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:23 am
Location: Amidst the Shadows

Re: Book 1, chapter 2

Postby Nerevarine » Mon Aug 25, 2008 1:57 pm

no chapter 3 isnt too bad, it was ch 4 i was talking about
User avatar
Nerevarine
Astral Realm
 

Re: Book 1, chapter 2

Postby Hiyono » Mon Aug 25, 2008 3:52 pm

By the way, I pulled some of the honorifics from the manga (couldn't find the novel raws :/), so if you see any that need to be made, feel free to enact the following changes:
Ren -> Ayano: Nee-sama
Ren -> Kazuma: Nii-sama
Ayano -> Juugo: Otou-sama

The manga starts after Ryuuya is already defeated, so if anyone knows how Ren/Kazuma address their father, feel free to add it.

Btw, I should add that going over the earlier chapters is a tremendous undertaking, you should be proud Image
"There is always an easy solution to every problem - neat, plausible and wrong." H.L. Mencken (1971)
User avatar
Hiyono
Shamisen Wordsmith
 
Posts: 312
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2008 12:55 am
Location: The Internets

Re: Book 1, chapter 2

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Mon Aug 25, 2008 4:07 pm

Nerevarine wrote:no chapter 3 isnt too bad, it was ch 4 i was talking about


Just tell me any faults you find!! =X i wanna know about ch 3!!

Hiyono wrote:By the way, I pulled some of the honorifics from the manga (couldn't find the novel raws :/), so if you see any that need to be made, feel free to enact the following changes:
Ren -> Ayano: Nee-sama
Ren -> Kazuma: Nii-sama
Ayano -> Juugo: Otou-sama

The manga starts after Ryuuya is already defeated, so if anyone knows how Ren/Kazuma address their father, feel free to add it.

Btw, I should add that going over the earlier chapters is a tremendous undertaking, you should be proud Image


I didnt know there was a manga for KnS @@ anyways, thx for the addresses, ^^ is shall see how to use them. And yes, i agree, it is troublesome and tiring to go through all the texts, great job Nerevarine!
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
User avatar
ShadowZeroHeart
Senior Project Translator
 
Posts: 3480
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:23 am
Location: Amidst the Shadows

Re: Book 1, Chapter 3

Postby Nerevarine » Thu Aug 28, 2008 3:59 pm

Just because of the huge amount of time i spent researching the name and artists of the song.

I have decided to specifically point out that i have changed Kazuma's ringtone.

from:

“Duuuuuuuuuuu-----“ [feel free to put in some other expression for a phone ringing ~.~ or input your favorite or some funny ringtone here, actual text sounds something like dulululululu~]

Staring at constantly ringing hand phone, he curses himself, why did I forget to set it to voice mailbox. Even with that said, he cannot just switch his phone off now.

“Duuuuuuuuuuu-----“

The monotone ringing continues, Kazuma did not pick up the phone, instead he begins to think of the people who knows his number one by one, trying to avoid reality.

“Duuuuuuuuuuu-----“

”Ahhh! It’s so noisy!”



to-

“Bure Bure Bure Bure ”
[feel free to put in some other expression for a phone ringing ~.~ or input your favorite or some funny ringtone here, actual text sounds something like dulululululu~] [Ed: I have decided that Kazuma’s ringtone would be Hito Toshite Jiku ga Bureteiru, from Ootsuki Kenji feat. Nonaka Ai & Inoue Marina & Kobayashi Yuu & Sawashiro Miyuki & Shintani Ryouko, also known as the second OP from the anime series Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. It translates to “twist twist twist twist”]

Staring at constantly ringing hand phone, he curses himself. Why did I forget to set it to voice mailbox. Even with that said, Kazuma cannot just turn his phone off now.

“Bure Bure Bure Bure”

The monotonous ringing continues. Kazuma did not pick up the phone; instead he began to think of the people who know his number one by one, trying to avoid reality.

“Bure Bure Bure Bure”

“Ahhh! It’s too noisy!”

User avatar
Nerevarine
Astral Realm
 

Re: Book 1, Chapter 3

Postby onizuka-gto » Thu Aug 28, 2008 5:03 pm

Nerevarine wrote:Just because of the huge amount of time i spent researching the name and artists of the song.

I have decided to specifically point out that i have changed Kazuma's ringtone.

from:

“Duuuuuuuuuuu-----“ [feel free to put in some other expression for a phone ringing ~.~ or input your favorite or some funny ringtone here, actual text sounds something like dulululululu~]

Staring at constantly ringing hand phone, he curses himself, why did I forget to set it to voice mailbox. Even with that said, he cannot just switch his phone off now.

“Duuuuuuuuuuu-----“

The monotone ringing continues, Kazuma did not pick up the phone, instead he begins to think of the people who knows his number one by one, trying to avoid reality.

“Duuuuuuuuuuu-----“

”Ahhh! It’s so noisy!”



to-

“Bure Bure Bure Bure ”
[feel free to put in some other expression for a phone ringing ~.~ or input your favorite or some funny ringtone here, actual text sounds something like dulululululu~] [Ed: I have decided that Kazuma’s ringtone would be Hito Toshite Jiku ga Bureteiru, from Ootsuki Kenji feat. Nonaka Ai & Inoue Marina & Kobayashi Yuu & Sawashiro Miyuki & Shintani Ryouko, also known as the second OP from the anime series Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. It translates to “twist twist twist twist”]

Staring at constantly ringing hand phone, he curses himself. Why did I forget to set it to voice mailbox. Even with that said, Kazuma cannot just turn his phone off now.

“Bure Bure Bure Bure”

The monotonous ringing continues. Kazuma did not pick up the phone; instead he began to think of the people who know his number one by one, trying to avoid reality.

“Bure Bure Bure Bure”

“Ahhh! It’s too noisy!”




woah. does those script notes not hidden?

if not, i think it's best to hide them, it doesn't look that great when you got comments litter all over the script when you're reading it.

either hide it for only editors to read or put it on the discussion page linked back to it.
"Please note, we have added a consequence for failure.Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official test record, followed by death. Good luck."

@Onizukademongto
User avatar
onizuka-gto
Editor-in-Chief
 
Posts: 4840
Joined: Wed May 10, 2006 9:02 pm
Location: N.E.E.T Federation

Re: Book 1, Chapter 3

Postby Nerevarine » Thu Aug 28, 2008 5:33 pm

Yeah, the comments were not hidden in the original tranlation, so i left it like that

I dont know if it was intentional or not (its only a few, and they are mostly parts where the translator changed the original text to something else, and was letting the reader know what the author really wrote as a comparason)

personally, i liked the comments as is, even as a reader, which was why i never changed them
Last edited by Nerevarine on Fri Aug 29, 2008 10:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Nerevarine
Astral Realm
 

Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Thu Aug 28, 2008 7:08 pm

Nerevarine wrote:Yeah, the comments were not hidden in the original tranlation, so i left it like that

I dont know if it was intentional or not (its only a few, and they are mostly parts where the translator changed the original text to something else, and was letting the reader know what the author really wrote as a comparason)

personally, i liked the comments as is, even as a reader, which was why i never changed them

Thank you for that comment.

It was actually for the editor who may be more proficient in the language than me to make changes. It was meant to be removed when the editor thinks it is good enough. But i guess it is okay too?

It is the least i could do for my lack of vocab and poor language.

Anyways, i am bad at sound/name translations, thus i left that note for people to choose their own ringtone. that is all ^^
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
User avatar
ShadowZeroHeart
Senior Project Translator
 
Posts: 3480
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:23 am
Location: Amidst the Shadows

Re: Book 1, Chapter 3

Postby Nerevarine » Thu Aug 28, 2008 7:15 pm

Well uhhh...you can remove them if you want

but uhh.....i like them....so uhh....ill just leave them as is...
Last edited by Nerevarine on Fri Aug 29, 2008 10:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Nerevarine
Astral Realm
 

Re: Book 1 edits

Postby onizuka-gto » Fri Aug 29, 2008 5:42 am

officially, it's advised that you at leased move the notes to the end of the script.

This is more or less presentation, it cleans the script layout and organise the notes for the chapter.

Now i'll do it myself, but don't have the time right now.

so i'll just leave it there for now.

but please, notes should be organised and not just dumped all over the script, it looks scruffy and not very nice.

:roll:
"Please note, we have added a consequence for failure.Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official test record, followed by death. Good luck."

@Onizukademongto
User avatar
onizuka-gto
Editor-in-Chief
 
Posts: 4840
Joined: Wed May 10, 2006 9:02 pm
Location: N.E.E.T Federation

Re: Book 1, Chapter 3

Postby Nerevarine » Fri Aug 29, 2008 5:59 am

onizuka-gto wrote: it looks scruffy and not very nice.


personal opinion^

but yeah, whatever....i do know that im in the minority
User avatar
Nerevarine
Astral Realm
 

PreviousNext

Return to Kaze no Stigma

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron