Book 1 edits

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Re: Book 1, Chapter 3

Postby Nerevarine » Fri Aug 29, 2008 10:17 am

Ahhhhhh, finally did all of chapter 3! (man i am so slow!)

biggest complaint would be how the tense would change from past/present. And i am sooooo terrible with that. I tried keeping it uniform as much as i could but its going to need someone else who is better with that to go and fix it all up.

also, for some reason all the quotation marks were messed up.

ShadowZeroHeart wrote:
Nerevarine wrote:no chapter 3 isnt too bad, it was ch 4 i was talking about


Just tell me any faults you find!! =X i wanna know about ch 3!!



hehe, here you go

http://www.baka-tsuki.net/project/index.php?title=Kaze_no_Stigma%3AVolume1_Chapter3&diff=33335&oldid=32736

haha, but knowing me, i probably messed up some things that were never broken
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Hiyono » Fri Aug 29, 2008 3:15 pm

Hey Shadow, I know you don't bother reading the chapters, but using the raws and my admittedly poor Japanese, I've done a rather extensive edit of V1C6. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind taking a look to make sure I didn't change something incorrectly (everyone else is welcome too, of course)?
"There is always an easy solution to every problem - neat, plausible and wrong." H.L. Mencken (1971)
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Re: Book 1, Chapter 3

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Fri Aug 29, 2008 9:30 pm

Nerevarine wrote:biggest complaint would be how the tense would change from past/present. And i am sooooo terrible with that. I tried keeping it uniform as much as i could but its going to need someone else who is better with that to go and fix it all up.
haha, but knowing me, i probably messed up some things that were never broken


Okay firstly, sorry about the problems i gave you?
The quotations marks problems is thanks to my MS Word putting them wrong in the first place. I figured it was not a big deal and ignored them. =X sorry about that.

As for the constant change in tenses. IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, (if not it is just my poor english) it would be because i am translating it in the context that time is the "Present" during their actions, and their recollections of the past would be past. Therefore if an action is made as he was talking, and his speech is seen just above, i figured past tense would be used, whereas the next line, it is an action of "now" thus present tense... So perhaps that causes the things to be different, sorry about that... so should i stick to present or past tense?

Hiyono wrote:Hey Shadow, I know you don't bother reading the chapters, but using the raws and my admittedly poor Japanese, I've done a rather extensive edit of V1C6. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind taking a look to make sure I didn't change something incorrectly (everyone else is welcome too, of course)?


I do not mind, but if possible, try to tell me where it is changed? I mean, i wanna know if i mistranslated/left out certain parts... thus the edits...?
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Hiyono » Fri Aug 29, 2008 10:14 pm

@ Nerevarine:
Basically everything should be present tense. The appropriate time to use past tense is when the narrative speaks about either a past event or when describing something that has just happened in more detail. You can look at chapter 6 to see what I mean, if you'd like.

By the way, if you want to try and unify the edit style, I've taken to using Japanese terms as follows: first usage is italicized & includes a link to the Translator's notes, subsequent uses are unmarked. Even words that have been used in earlier chapters are still referenced on their first appearance in a given chapter. I felt this was an acceptable compromise between aiding readers in recognition and comprehension of these limited Japanese terms, and avoiding the clutter of excessive demarcation. You are free, of course, to choose whatever style you feel comfortable with.

@ Shadow:
Actually, I just realized what I asked. It's too much work :p Forget I asked.
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Fri Aug 29, 2008 11:23 pm

Hiyono wrote:@ Shadow:
Actually, I just realized what I asked. It's too much work :p Forget I asked.


Reading through...
The first part, i feel that it is technically correct. But i do not suggest using that much...

Yours:
The forest rustled with unease. Such were the sounds made by the forest inhabitants, which had run away with all their might upon feeling the immense youki. The bugs, which had no means of sensing the danger, were unable to withstand the abnormal pressure and disappeared without a trace. Even animals, unable to escape, had come in contact with the youki and had instantly perished. The sound of their corpses raining out of the trees and littering the forest floor could be heard. Though there were no external injuries, nonetheless they had all died instantly.

Mine:
The forest began rustling with unease, those are the sounds made by the living organisms that running away with all their might upon realizing the immense youki, even the bugs that has no way of sensing the danger were unable to withstand such an abnormal presence and disappeared without a trace.

There seems to be something falling from above, and it was the corpses of the animals that came in contact with the youki and were unable to escape in time, resulting in instant death, though there were no external wounds, they are no longer able to move anymore.


Firstly, i would think using the word "Even" on the bugs would be more appropriate. As they cannot feel the danger, yet they still know to run off. "Even animals, unable to escape" is not such a good choice on the other hand, "Animals that are unable to escape in time" would be better, since those that sensed the danger earlier got away?

Thus, the start would be the sounds made by those running away. I noticed i missed a word in my translation. It should be
"the sounds made by the living organisms that are running away" and to have "had run away" would mean they are no longer there, in this case, would have no sound instead?

The reason i would think your translation for this part is inappropriate, would be because it is a passage made after you knew what happened. Whereas in the novel, it is happening. Thus first, they notice "something" falling from the sky, and then Kazuma and gang realizes it is the corpses of animals.

The next part would be about Ayano being in fear of Ryuuga
Yours:
"An immense fear had gripped Ayano’s soul."
Mine:
"Afraid, just completely afraid, an immense fear consumed Ayano’s soul."
This is correct, but the repetition of the afraid/fear is to emphasis on how afraid she truly is, by the author i believe?

Similar for the case of
Yours
"Ayano had inherited Enraiha at the age of twelve, when she was still young. It might have been a mistake"
mine
"At the age of twelve, no, to inherit the Enraiha when she is still young may have been a mistake."
In this case, i believe the author means to show that even though she is too young at twelve, however even thirteen or now may be too young for her to inherit Enraiha.

And, about the fight... Darn, teach me how to do that kind of translation >"<
This part might require changing though...
The wind blades and his claws reach Kazuma at the same time.

This would mean that Kazuma is hurt by them? but they are still striking at him when the next parts happened.

Ryuuya, who is still trapped on the ground, looses a silent roar.

Is this term correct? My english is bad, i only know of letting something loose... but looses a silent roar... not sure? @@ check for me?

From there, gathering power which goes past his knees straight to his waist, and from the waist to his shoulders, like a spiral, and continues to become stronger as it continued to be transmitted.

The power grows stronger in a spiral manner as it is being transmitted through his body... is the meaning still there?

An immense ki is released from his body through his palm, dense enough that it feels as if it could pierce through the enemy.

Maybe use "as if it could indeed pierce through the enemy."? to put a stronger feel that he feels rather certain it can do real damage?

Though her eyes burn with murder

Is this a correct way of putting it?

He can only pray, since he does not possess the power to participate in their battle.

My text has power in quotations, as in "power"

Ren turns in shock, and looks where there shouldn't be anyone.

Ren turns back in shock? or he looks back where there shouldnt be anyone, as in my text he turned to his back.
And in Hyoue's speech following immediately, God is in quotations too.

Flames emerge from Ren’s body. In order to prevent the enemy from moving behind him, he begins to search for Hyoue with a body wrapped in flame.

(I can’t find his presence!)

Perhaps But-------- or However------- can be added inbetween? according to my text that is...

As an En-jutsushi, Ren was still inexperienced, and was unable to handle the jutsu that the experienced Fuu-jutsushi Hyoue was using to conceal himself.

Should this be present tense instead?

In response to Ren’s scream, everywhere around, fires explode into existence.

In my text, it has the meaning of Fire spirits making their appearance, or manifesting in response?

cooling his and and calming his madness in an instant.

Mistake on you part? hoho

Yours:
Hyoue holds no doubts of his control of the situation. He might even think that this is not a fight, but a hunt, just a cat toying with a mouse before the kill. This is the weak point Ren grasped for.

Mine:
He replies calmly. Hyoue has never doubted the situation that is beneficial to him, he may be thinking that he is not fighting, but hunting! Ren grasped at this weak spot.

Not sure if Hyoue is intending to kill Ren, as he wants to revive his god? so that last part of a metaphor...

To be continued......
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Sat Aug 30, 2008 1:08 am

Spoiler! :
Indeed, in terms of detection capability, En-jutsushi were far inferior to Fuu-jutsushi. Unlike fire, air was everywhere. One of the necessary conditions for a human to survive, and the one that occupies the most space, is air. The difference in amount of space occupied directly affects the amount of information obtainable.

Should be entirely present tense for this part? you used past tense at the start...?

theurgy later is in quotations in my text?

Ren raises his palm to release a fireball. The divine power of purification slices through...

Empty space. Just empty space.


From my text, i believe the author is meaning the power slices through the air
Just the air.
But however the word used was more of hollowness and such, thus it would be
"slices through empty space.
----- just empty space."?

As his kekkai is pierced by the rain of fire like so much paper, Hyoue gives off a pitiful scream.

Should it not be just "like paper"?

Spoiler! :
A black shape, still roughly discernible as human, rolls just in front of Ren. No matter how you look at it, it was just so much charcoal, and yet it still moved somehow.

How about:
A black shape rolls in front of Ren. It is still roughly discernible as a human. No matter how you look at it, it looks just like charcoal, yet it still moves somehow.
? i think it should be in present tense? not too sure...

Spoiler! :
nothing more need be said. Because the Kannagi flames are purifying flames. A divine power bestowed for the destruction of inhuman monsters like you!”

need to be said? and it is a dash behind the flames? to explain the purifying flames i believe.

When Ren makes the declaration for Hyoue's death, should it be simply say? or announce? or a word more powerful?

2.
Kazuma spits in disgust. but he is just over-anxious?

Spoiler! :
The instant he realizes what that gesture signifies, Kazuma sprints forward as fast as possible. Hugging Ayano's head to his chest, he forcefully slams her back onto the floor.

Not possible to be done ^^" if he hugs Ayano to his chest, he cannot slam her onto the floor?
my translation was
Spoiler! :
The instant he realizes the reason he made such a movement, Kazuma sprints out as fast as he can. Grabbing the head of Ayano, who was just about to get up, and violently smashes it onto the floor.

how did it change that much? ^^"

Spoiler! :
As she turn head, as instructed by Kazuma, the scene revealing itself before her eyes leaves her at a loss for words.

she is stunned, or dumbstruck?

Spoiler! :
Ayano gazes at Kazuma, struck with awe, but that flippant look of his betrays no sign of his magnificent power.

Funny sentence, "shows no sign" should be what you meant?

Spoiler! :
Without Kazuma to cover for her, Ayano is forced into a one-sided defense. Unable to even think about retaliating, every thought, every action is devoted to dodging the incoming claws and blades of wind - to survival

the "to survival" part is not in my chinese text... is it in your japanese text?

Spoiler! :
A pitch black wind smashes into Ayano like a hammer.

the winds FORMS a hammer to smash into Ayano. like how Kazuma's wind can form fists on others.

Spoiler! :
Ayano turns pleadingly to Kazuma, desperate for help, and for a short-lived moment, she felt certain she had seen a smirk travel across his face.

its not a short-lived moment in my text, nor was she certain, but she DID see it?

Some thoughts in my text are not in brackets. but you inserted brackets... does it matter much?

Spoiler! :
There was simply no way she would accept, or even tolerate, that she, the wielder of Enraiha, was believed to be useless.

She is not "believed" to be useless, she IS useless...

Spoiler! :
"'Buy me some time'? Don’t joke around. I will finish him off myself, and you can just stand there until you die of boredom!”

No, he wont die of boredom

Spoiler! :
Ayano raises Enraiha, and begins to gather ki. The flame that had always burned golden begins to flare red. This crimson flame continues to amass upon Enraiha.

It is a slower process ^^" thus the more words to describe as it turns red. At the same time, it is a new power, let it come out more slowly and create a slightly better impact? ^^" no one would notice this new power if you dont show it... this is Crimson Flames, like Genma's Azure Flames.

Spoiler! :
Trapped in scorching plasma, Ryuuya had become nothing more than a piece of meat, having lost all signs of his previous appearance.

(He shouldn't have the power to resist anymore...but what is this youki?!)

From my text, the bracketed area is not her thought.

Spoiler! :
Ayano felt whole-heartedly ashamed of herself.

How about Ayano felt ashamed of herself from the bottom of her heart?

Spoiler! :
"To surround the entire mountain with his winds? And such a massive amount of spirits, how did..."

these winds i presume? if you mean his winds... people may think it is Ryuuga's winds ~.~


3
Spoiler! :
Hyoue's wind blades cut deeply into Ren's arms.

In case you forgot, Hyoue was left as a black charcoal earlier? that is why he is in his demonized form now. If you dont say that, no one would know? ^^"

Spoiler! :
Faced with this proud and majestic vision, even Hyoue, who undoubtedly holds the advantage, cannot help but be wary.

Not wary, but retreat slightly?

Spoiler! :
The wind surrounding Ryuuya releases the frenzied spirits before absorbing them, further increasing its power.

this sentence doesnt make sense. the meaning is that the frenzied spirits that Ryuuya releases are taken in/absorbed by the wind surrounding him and gaining more power.

Spoiler! :
This was the end of Ryuuya, no, the end of the unnamed youma who had founded the Fuuga clan.

shocked the kannagi, not founded the fuuga...

Spoiler! :
"After all he almost single-handedly handed Ryuuya defeat. I think I can forgive him one or two rude lines!" Ayano thinks generously.

no quotations or brackets in my text... and use brackets for thoughts instead of quotations?

Spoiler! :
She kneels down beside him.

Sits, not kneels

Spoiler! :
"...Yep. That's right."

Though outwardly he answers without hesitation, Ayano didn't miss a brief shift in his gaze.

There is an obvious hesitation already?

Spoiler! :
His poker face is flawless, but it is already too late.

His reply is flawless, not face

Spoiler! :
Ayano flops down on top of him, grabbing him by his collar, as if ready to strangle him. Kazuma can offer no resistance, and he remains spread-eagled on the floor.

not by collar, by neck... she does intend to strangle him

Spoiler! :
the throbbing in her chest is undeniable.

cannot be stopped, not undeniable...

Spoiler! :
"Even if you are a little girl with neither breasts nor sensuality, other people might misunderstand!"

definitely not sensuality, maybe not feminine or something, but definitely not sensuality!

Spoiler! :
Recognizing the ones approaching as Kazuma and Ayano, Ren cries out with joy, as he tries to run towards them, but his body, weak from injury, does not allow him to do so.

And tiredness? he just finished and won his first battle, cut him some slack! let him be tired! hes not Kazuma u know!

Spoiler! :
"It burned up," Ayano immediately replies, as Kazuma eyes her with suspicion.

very cold eyes, and very cold in quotations. in my text that is... cold eyes later too, just no more quotations.

Finally over...
Some comments...
tense problems? i would say.
Either the texts are different, or your translation is much more of the western novel style. Thus losing some eastern style within the text.
You are translating by passage/paragraph. Whereas mine would be by sentence. The meaning is retained, but there are some differences here and there.
More readable, yet some meanings are changed. Not all that bad, but these are what i think are more serious?
Hope you dont mind my comments...
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Hibari » Sat Aug 30, 2008 4:41 am

Question regarding chapter 1...

"Don't paint the walls of a Japanese house in such wild colors!"

A structure painful to the eyes——he didn't want to call that a house——that when seen made Kazuma look begging up to the sky.

Is the client's house really painted in such wild colors?!?
As far as I remember mansion was just like an regular mansion.

Just wondering...
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Sat Aug 30, 2008 10:08 am

Hibari wrote:Question regarding chapter 1...

"Don't paint the walls of a Japanese house in such wild colors!"

A structure painful to the eyes——he didn't want to call that a house——that when seen made Kazuma look begging up to the sky.

Is the client's house really painted in such wild colors?!?
As far as I remember mansion was just like an regular mansion.

Just wondering...


Actual term should be residence.

This could probably be considered the place of origin of Japan's Westernization movement. The first gaslight was lit here; ice cream was sold here first. You would expect it to be a stylish, refined town with a distinguished history.

My text is slightly different here, at the end... the meaning is more of...
This could probably be considered the place of origin of Japan's Westernization movement. The first gaslight was lit here; ice cream was sold here first. A town that is stylish, refined and with a distinguished history.

And no it is not a breach of contract, more of "But this is really overdoing it..." or "But this is really too much..."

As for the rest, i am not gonna read through everything...
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Hiyono » Sat Aug 30, 2008 10:42 am

ShadowZeroHeart wrote:Finally over...
Some comments...
[...]
Hope you don't mind my comments...

Haha, you actually did it! Cool. On the contrary, I much appreciate them :) Remember, I'm not a translator, I'm an editor. I rely on you!
ShadowZeroHeart wrote:tense problems? i would say.

Thanks for pointing them out. Some of them were conscious decisions, but some were just accidents. I'll differentiate later.
ShadowZeroHeart wrote:Either the texts are different, or your translation is much more of the western novel style. Thus losing some eastern style within the text.

You're correct. I decided upon a rather liberal editing style. This was actually a conscious decision I made after quite a bit of thinking.
As I went through the text, I noticed several things. One, English is a much more visually expressive and vivid language than Japanese, whereas Japanese is very expressive auditorily, and full of subtle nuance. Take for example, the question I posted in the Lingua Franca Lexicon forum. Even a "simple" phrase like "sou ka" has such varied meaning. The difficulty lay in trying to reconcile the two.

In some cases, there were simply no English equivalents for their Eastern counterparts, in which case I tried the best I could, losing some of that "Eastern style" along the way, if I deemed necessary. I know I've been saying on these forums that accuracy comes first and it really does, but reading through Chapter 6 reminded me of another "first" - enjoyment. The read should be enjoyable, and where I felt I could opt for the latter without sacrificing too much of the former, I did.

In any case, our audience is primarily Western. Those Eastern dogs don't need any help to read this :p
ShadowZeroHeart wrote:You are translating by passage/paragraph. Whereas mine would be by sentence. The meaning is retained, but there are some differences here and there.
More readable, yet some meanings are changed.

Yes, it's the style of Japanese/Chinese to write in sentences, but I'm simply more comfortable with the paragraph. The paragraph exists to frame an idea with details - logically (in the sense of logical progression of ideas), it's a smart and intuitive design. Maybe it's because I'm a native English speaker?
As for changed meanings, some of those were simply because I didn't bother to retranslate anything that didn't appear to be a problem in the source text. I simply don't have the ability or the time, and so I opted to only go over certain areas that I thought seemed odd or ambiguous. This approach inevitably let some things slip through the cracks, which is why I requested you help me go over the chapter ;)
ShadowZeroHeart wrote:Not all that bad, but these are what i think are more serious?

I don't have the time at the moment, but I'll get around to either responding to or fixing all of those. Thanks, your comments are very much appreciated.

Unrelated comment: Going over this chapter, I was struck by the difference in writing styles of the three main light novels I read here on B-T (KnS, TD, & ZnT). The Kaze no Stigma author has a very descriptive style, ToraDora's author aims for light-hearted, entertaining dialogue, and Zero no Tsukaima's author tries to balance light humor and true character depth. Truly fascinating :)
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Vaelis » Sat Aug 30, 2008 11:10 am

Err why did you change all the narration into present tense?
Past tense was perfectly fine.

Hiyono wrote:@ Nerevarine:
Basically everything should be present tense. The appropriate time to use past tense is when the narrative speaks about either a past event or when describing something that has just happened in more detail. You can look at chapter 6 to see what I mean, if you'd like.

No. In general past tense is also used for the rest (but if it's true that we can use present tense in this case but personally I don't like it at all)
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Re: Book 1, Chapter 3

Postby Nerevarine » Sat Aug 30, 2008 11:16 am

ShadowZeroHeart wrote:Okay firstly, sorry about the problems i gave you?
The quotations marks problems is thanks to my MS Word putting them wrong in the first place. I figured it was not a big deal and ignored them. =X sorry about that.

As for the constant change in tenses. IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, (if not it is just my poor english) it would be because i am translating it in the context that time is the "Present" during their actions, and their recollections of the past would be past. Therefore if an action is made as he was talking, and his speech is seen just above, i figured past tense would be used, whereas the next line, it is an action of "now" thus present tense... So perhaps that causes the things to be different, sorry about that... so should i stick to present or past tense?


no no wait, it wasnt you

some guy cam in, (i dont know who, its an ip address) and changed all of chapter 2 from present to past tense, which i guess i got used too

however, in this chapter he didnt change all the words...just some random ones at the begining and middle of the chapter....which got me all messed up....

and yeah...i realize the sense of now is present and when talking about the past, use past...which was how i tried to fix it....

but....like i said...im pretty bad at it so i dont think i got it all right....

(but, shadow, dont think im complaining about u, i appreciate all the work you do with KnS)
and...i think you should stick too whatever style your using right now
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Re: Book 1, Chapter 4

Postby Nerevarine » Sat Aug 30, 2008 4:35 pm

Alright! time for chapter four.

already have something for u shadow

Kazuma can’t not deny that kind of thinking, whether ignored, whether bullied, this place also had protected him before. When before entering society, before relying on one’s own effort to survive, protecting him during his childhood.

Hope to be protected, although this is weakness and escapism.

Kazuma recalls 4 years ago when he abandoned weakness although agrees to this truth, but that made him very unhappy. !


mostly that last part

this part of the chapter is after kazuma enters the Kannagi grounds, after he takes down the 10 guards, and is later attacked by 30 practitioners, it is during the time when he starts thinking about his childhood being there, before the practitioners start thinking of kamikazeing Kazuma, and before Jugo and Kazuma meet.

Edit:
btw, i dont want this to be retranslated but...

Seems like the time has stopped, in many seconds, nobody moved, in such tranquil space, (one) can only hear sounds of the bamboo hitting the stone.


what exactly is that called, or the meaning of it...i see it alot in anime
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Re: Book 1, Chapter 4

Postby onizuka-gto » Sat Aug 30, 2008 5:24 pm

Nerevarine wrote:
Seems like the time has stopped, in many seconds, nobody moved, in such tranquil space, (one) can only hear sounds of the bamboo hitting the stone.


what exactly is that called, or the meaning of it...i see it alot in anime



The equivalent English quote I believe is the saying "You Could Have Heard A Pin Drop"

As it was so quite, such a stillness, that you could only hear the water filled bamboo stick that is common (in media anyway) of a traditional household back garden pond feature.

a bit like you would find a gnome, frog or water fountain at a typical back garden pond, where if it was so quiet i could hear the trickling of the water.
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Re: Book 1, Chapter 4

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Sat Aug 30, 2008 6:57 pm

Nerevarine wrote:Alright! time for chapter four.

already have something for u shadow

Kazuma can’t not deny that kind of thinking, whether ignored, whether bullied, this place also had protected him before. When before entering society, before relying on one’s own effort to survive, protecting him during his childhood.

Hope to be protected, although this is weakness and escapism.

Kazuma recalls 4 years ago when he abandoned weakness although agrees to this truth, but that made him very unhappy. !


mostly that last part

this part of the chapter is after kazuma enters the Kannagi grounds, after he takes down the 10 guards, and is later attacked by 30 practitioners, it is during the time when he starts thinking about his childhood being there, before the practitioners start thinking of kamikazeing Kazuma, and before Jugo and Kazuma meet.

Edit:
btw, i dont want this to be retranslated but...

Seems like the time has stopped, in many seconds, nobody moved, in such tranquil space, (one) can only hear sounds of the bamboo hitting the stone.


what exactly is that called, or the meaning of it...i see it alot in anime


Kazuma cannot do anything but admit this thought [or forced to admit it?]. Even if he was looked down upon, bullied, he was still able to be protected here. From society, from the responsibilities/duty of living alone, he who was still a child back then was protected.

To yearn for someone to protect him. That is weakness, a type of escape[from reality?].

Even though Kazuma admits that the weakness, which he should have already abandoned since four years ago, still lingers within him, but this is something that makes him feel very unhappy about.


And sorry, i am going to retranslate it nonetheless... why? just check this out...

As if time is frozen, for a few seconds no one moved. Within the tranquil space, only the clear sound of a walking stick hitting against the stone steps could be heard.


It is not a metaphor... Juugo/Jugo is walking out with his walking stick(his leg injured, remember?) and thus the sound. Yes, it is silent and the sound can be heard... but it is not a bamboo, but walking stick? not exactly a stone but the stone stairs/steps?

Edit: P.S. to Hiyono
I am not sure about the conversion from Eastern style to Western style... It just dont seem right to me...
Firstly, it would seem like a re-telling of the story.
Secondly, when you read a story of a foreign language, you would read it for its style and culture too...
You may think it would please the western readers, but if you ask me, western works would be much better at that, so that would instead make one ponder why they should even read it? They can just grab an english novel and it would be better. That would mean that only people who are fans of the series would be interested to read.

So personally i dont support the idea =X
But this is but a personal opinion.
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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ShadowZeroHeart
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Hiyono » Sat Aug 30, 2008 9:03 pm

Mm. Makes sense. Guess I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow :p
"There is always an easy solution to every problem - neat, plausible and wrong." H.L. Mencken (1971)
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Hiyono
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