Book 1 edits

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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Hibari » Mon Sep 01, 2008 2:17 am

BTW who translated the volume in the first place?
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Mon Sep 01, 2008 2:34 am

Hibari wrote:BTW who translated the volume in the first place?


I believe it is translated by
(from B-T KnS main page)
ACTIVE

ShadowZeroHeart
INACTIVE

The naming game
erehwon
Kwok


So that is all that helped to translate the volume?
Is there any problems?
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Hibari » Mon Sep 01, 2008 4:49 am

Nah I just wanted to clarify some things with the translator before I took a step in editing but seeing that the 2 are inactive might as well start editing it "carefully". :P
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Mon Sep 01, 2008 6:04 am

Hibari wrote:Nah I just wanted to clarify some things with the translator before I took a step in editing but seeing that the 2 are inactive might as well start editing it "carefully". :P


I am the only current translator, so you can just ask me ^^

Hiyono may be able to help too, with japanese raws and an understanding of japanese
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1, Chapter 4

Postby Nerevarine » Mon Sep 01, 2008 2:35 pm

ShadowZeroHeart wrote:
As if time is frozen, for a few seconds no one moved. Within the tranquil space, only the clear sound of a walking stick hitting against the stone steps could be heard.


It is not a metaphor... Juugo/Jugo is walking out with his walking stick(his leg injured, remember?) and thus the sound. Yes, it is silent and the sound can be heard... but it is not a bamboo, but walking stick? not exactly a stone but the stone stairs/steps?

Edit: P.S. to Hiyono
I am not sure about the conversion from Eastern style to Western style... It just dont seem right to me...
Firstly, it would seem like a re-telling of the story.
Secondly, when you read a story of a foreign language, you would read it for its style and culture too...
You may think it would please the western readers, but if you ask me, western works would be much better at that, so that would instead make one ponder why they should even read it? They can just grab an english novel and it would be better. That would mean that only people who are fans of the series would be interested to read.

So personally i dont support the idea =X
But this is but a personal opinion.



As for the whole bamboo stick---->walking stick....i believe that is something that was changed from the Jap to Chinese Raws
as in....the water filled bamboo stick is something that is used in a "traditional" Japanese home (btw thanks GTO for the explanation) and it was changed into the walking stick in the Chinese Raws for chinese readers...
it would be like (as GTO said),changing the idiom too "You could have heard a pin drop"

Hiyono, or anyone else, could ya confirm with the Jap Raws for me? thankz

and also...i would agree with Shadow, in that we should keep the text close to the style and language of the Jap raws...

i dont mind if you change the words used or sentence structure...or even changing the order of the lines or passages....so long as you try to keep as close to the author's meaning as you can

Edit: o, another retranslation plz

“It’s like this, the detailed situation isn’t really clear, without doubt still alive is not a mistake. The reason (to still being alive) I think besides the criminal only Ten (天) would know. Came especially to tell you, and are there any leads to who did it?”

“No, not yet, but thank you very much for bring that information.”

Seems like Juugo thought of something, facial expression became very serious. The man standing beside — — within Kazuma memories seems like Juugo side or close by — — to him told him something.



What is this about Ten? huh? and the introduction to Jugo's helper is very flawed

o and, the passage is when talking about whther Ren is still alive. This is a little before the thumbs-down picture of Kazuma, and when Kazuma tells the result of what happened to Genma

Edit 2- one more for today

In result, just like that, Kazuma returns to where 4 years ago the birth place where he treaded every day.


This is the line right before section 2
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Re: Book 1, Chapter 4

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Mon Sep 01, 2008 5:01 pm

Nerevarine wrote:Edit: o, another retranslation plz

“It’s like this, the detailed situation isn’t really clear, without doubt still alive is not a mistake. The reason (to still being alive) I think besides the criminal only Ten (天) would know. Came especially to tell you, and are there any leads to who did it?”

“No, not yet, but thank you very much for bring that information.”

Seems like Juugo thought of something, facial expression became very serious. The man standing beside — — within Kazuma memories seems like Juugo side or close by — — to him told him something.



What is this about Ten? huh? and the introduction to Jugo's helper is very flawed

o and, the passage is when talking about whther Ren is still alive. This is a little before the thumbs-down picture of Kazuma, and when Kazuma tells the result of what happened to Genma

Edit 2- one more for today

In result, just like that, Kazuma returns to where 4 years ago the birth place where he treaded every day.


This is the line right before section 2

About the bamboo thing, i do know of it... But i am not sure if that is what the text used... Really need to refer to the japanese text for it...

Nerevarine, i had been warned once not to use the term "Jap" as it is offensive to the Japanese, so use Jpn or Japanese, okay? >"<

Try telling me at least which chapter if not which part the extract is from? ^^"

Spoiler! :
(Ah, no way out, after all losing the initiative was my fault.)

“— — Ren was seized. A guy using wind, probably a colleague of the person that killed your people.”

“You’re joking! You were the one who killed Shinji and Shingo!”

Kazuma at this time finally encountered the Yuuki family head.

(Other people’s deaths besides the death of his sons are ignored?)

In that instance, suddenly realize his impulsive interruption, no matter what couldn’t be restrained. Then became silent because basically he as a speaker didn’t have any value as an opponent.

“He was seized?”

Juugo also ignored Yuuki’s words questioned Kazuma, in this case was he killed.

“It’s like this, the detailed situation isn’t really clear, without doubt still alive is not a mistake. The reason (to still being alive) I think besides the criminal only Ten (天) would know. Came especially to tell you, and are there any leads to who did it?”

“No, not yet, but thank you very much for bring that information.”

Seems like Juugo thought of something, facial expression became very serious. The man standing beside — — within Kazuma memories seems like Juugo side or close by — — to him told him something.


Spoiler! :
"------ Ren has been abducted. By someone who can use the wind, the murderer that killed your comrades, is probably his accomplice."

"Quit joking! You are the one who killed Shinji and Shingo!"

Kazuma recognises for the first time, that this man is the Soushu of the Yuuki family.

(It doesnt matter who dies as long as its not your sons?)

For an instant, he had an urge to say that, but he managed to keep it to himself, and considered the man to be unworthy for him to speak to.

"He was abducted[or seized by previous translator]?"

Juugo ignores Yuuki's words too, and asks Kazuma back..

"They did not kill him?"

"That is right. I am not too sure about the details, but i can confirm that he is still alive. I believe that if we know the reason for abducting him, we should be able to lock onto the criminal's identity, so i came here specially to inform you guys. Or to say, you already know who did it?"

"No, we do not know yet. But thank you for your information."

Juugo seems to have thought of something, his face shows a bitter expression. He says something to the man standing at the side, Kazuma tries hard to remember, and recalls that this is a man trusted by Juugo."


The "Ten" I believe would be Heaven. Only heaven knows, to be short, no one knows... May be from the Japanese text too. Someone will have to confirm that? However the meanings are different. Someone will need to verify the Japanese texts to be sure of anything...

Spoiler! :
And so, after four years, Kazuma finally returned to the home/house/place/family where he was born.
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1, Chapter 4

Postby Nerevarine » Mon Sep 01, 2008 5:12 pm

O well, maybe you havnt been noticing...

But i have been changing my topic names pertaining to which chapter i am talking about. heh

o and....well i never meant anything offensive about it....ever
its just...that im lazy and i try to use any accronym i can :P
but yeah...i guess ill use olympic style JP now :P

and thanks much for the retranslations
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Re: Book 1, Chapter 4

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Mon Sep 01, 2008 6:09 pm

Nerevarine wrote:O well, maybe you havnt been noticing...

But i have been changing my topic names pertaining to which chapter i am talking about. heh

o and....well i never meant anything offensive about it....ever
its just...that im lazy and i try to use any accronym i can :P
but yeah...i guess ill use olympic style JP now :P

and thanks much for the retranslations

Sorry, didnt notice, especially since i did it just before setting off for sch =X
Almost late, at least now i made it to class just in time hehez
You are welcome, no worries, its part of my job... i think?
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1, Chapter 4

Postby Nerevarine » Tue Sep 02, 2008 6:02 pm

Ah, got another one for you :)

Then leaving Japan, that wasn’t done as choice for one’s survival.

Was afraid, when pronounced as a useless unneeded person, and in order to accomplish such things parents were like monsters such as youma.

Going to a place where their hands cannot touch. Although he also understands, they wouldn’t pursue him, but his body could not accept this reality.



just the bolded part, did they really try to label his parents as youma? heh

this is during the flashback with Kazuma and his mother, in section 2, before the whole 'why pursure power' thingy
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Tue Sep 02, 2008 9:36 pm

The reason he left Japan, is not because of a firm determination to live on independently and alone.

It was that he was afraid. Afraid that his parents would really say to him, through their mouths "I dont need useless things/people", and then look upon him as though he is a monster even more terrifying than a Youma.

He hopes to hide at a place where they cannot find him, even though his rational thoughts are clear, that they will not send people after him, but his body does not seem to be able to understand that.


No, he did not call his parents youma, but he is afraid that his parents look at him as though he is one... since he is a disgrace, a useless and shameful piece of thing to them...

Pitiful, isnt he?
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1, Chapter 4

Postby Nerevarine » Wed Sep 03, 2008 1:46 pm

ShadowZeroHeart wrote:No, he did not call his parents youma, but he is afraid that his parents look at him as though he is one... since he is a disgrace, a useless and shameful piece of thing to them...

Pitiful, isnt he?


to take it from the text

"like a useless pronoun"

wow i thought that was a great description

Edit: ok, i could have pieced something together in order to make a flowing interpretation of the translated author's words

but....someone kept writing on the editing page to check the Raws soo.....


Although he really will like praised him from his heart, but first it not viable without washing away the suspicions, everything starts from now.'''! <!--Unclear, please check Japanese raws--> '''

“…What…”

“Is it not enough? Why do it until such a degree in order to pursue power?”

But, contrary to Juugo’s thoughts, it appears that Kazuma with regards to his current power is still not satisfied. Is it still like that kind of greedy unrelenting pursuit of power, carry some fraction of criticism. '''! <!--Unclear, please check Japanese raws--> '''


although we dont have the JP raws to convey from exactly, shadow will do :P

also, this section is....in part 2, after the whole, mother-Kazuma flashback, about 6-7 lines down from my last request.

Edit 2-

another one


— — why do you pursue power?

(Don’t know!)

There aren’t any reasons, and there aren’t any motives. Only to possess abilities; power instep with the wind spirits, an ability in the Kannagi clan that definitely will not bloom nor produce fruit.

— — Why do you pursue power?



what does this have to do with the Kannagi clan?
...


This is like 7-8 lines before the section 3 break.

-Edit 3:
weee another one, wow alot today

Even just listening to such will certainly producing unrest. Vomiting things that are already eaten, maybe there is some expectation. Juugo in past being《father》supporting《son》, although don’t know until what degree. '''!<!--Someone that can read Japanese, should double check.-->'''

“Ah, alright”

Kazuma calmly smiled, hiding the until today still bleeding wound.


this is right before the section 3 break

Edit 4: this can taken many different ways... i need something more stable

Kazuma tightly clenches his fists; the pain from the fingernails breaking skin brings him back to reality.

(Forget it! Now only is also fine!)



this is in section 3, exactly right before Ayano comes

Edit 5: alright! lets get some more in here

No matter how strong is the will, it will not transform into real power if you don’t use this world’s medium for guidance. No matter how strong is the curse, only with this, people will certainly not die.



what does this have to do with a curse, huh?

This part is where Ayano goes psyco and charges Kazuma, with the description of how Kazuma dosnt have the time to accumulate enough wind for a kekkai shieldy thing to block it.
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:02 am

Oh my god...
Dear Nerevarine...
I know you are really hardworking...
but please lighten your workload on thursday?
I have a tight schedule in sch on thurs and friday >"<
Or else you might need to wait a bit for me to reply...
Anyways... Here goes nothing...

Am translating a bit more than you asked... since it may be relevant...
Juugo holds/hugs his head without a word. This woman who always does things her way since a long time ago, I can't believe she is so cruel...... [referring to Kazuma's mother, abandoning Kazuma]

"Oh well, don't be bothered by it. It is all in the past anyway."

"...... You have become strong, Kazuma."

Juugo says, with deep meanings to it. Towards the return of the boy who was equivalent to the descriptive phrase "useless" four years ago as a independent and reliable man, with a great power and a strong mental strength that can govern over this power, Juugo feels happy about it.

Even though he gives Kazuma his blessings from the bottom of his heart, but what is most important at this point in time, would be to clear Kazuma's name. Everything will begin from here.

"......I cannot agree with that."

"Is it still not enough like this? Why do you desire power so much?"

Opposite to what Juugo had expected, Kazuma does not seem that satisfied with his power,Juugo questions Kazuma, who believes that he still does not possess enough power, in a tone that carries some kind of criticism.


Re: Edit 2-
This is the second time the question is repeated right? the second out of the three that comes together?

------ Why seek power?

(How the hell would i know?) [How would I know? may be more suitable, but i just wanted to show Kazuma is a badass =X]

There is no reason, no purpose, just plainly because he has talent in this area. The telergy/sensitivity to synchronise himself with the wind spirits is an ability that will definitely not blossom[or get developed] in the Kannagi family.



------ Why seek power?


The reason "bloom nor produce fruit." is used in the translation earlier is because it is an idiom. Like a flower blossoming/blooming and bearing fruit. Meaning that there is no growth or advanced development.

Re: -Edit 3:
Once again, a bit more in front...
Juugo does not know much about Kazuma's past, he can only imagine what the meaning of that unfulfilled promise represents, imagining the pain from that unhealed wound.[or wound yet to recover?]

"Oh yeah, when this matter is resolved, lets find a day and go have a drink together! At a shop/bar/place you like."

Even so, I[Juugo] can at least be a listener to his[Kazuma] complaints/unhappiness! If he can spit out all the unhappiness/grumblings/complaints accumulated[or piled up] within his heart, maybe he will feel slightly better! Juugo hopes that he can help his "son" as a "father". Even if it is something very insignificant.

"......Hmm...... Alright."

Kazuma hides the scar/wound that is bleeding up to this day, and gives a gentle smile.


Re: Edit 4:
Kazuma tightly clenches his fists, the pain from him letting his fingernails dig into his flesh, pulls him back into reality.

(Forget about this! Even if it is just for this moment......!)

First part is good, may even be better than my translation... Second part can also be "Just for this moment......!"
But i think "Even if" would make it sound more emotional?

Re: Edit 5:
No matter how strong the will may be, if there is no spirits, which is a medium to convey/transmit the will to the world, it is but a power that cannot become a reality. No matter how much one can try to curse another, but it is impossible to kill that person merely by "curse" alone.


It is to illustrate that just a simple thought is meaningless if it is but a thought. Thus the curse part...

Okay! thats it for now, i am gonna work on my homework somemore later... check back later, take cares ^^
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1, Chapter 4

Postby Nerevarine » Thu Sep 04, 2008 9:02 am

Hehe, i guess i had a bit more time yesterday

and anyways thanks for the retranslations, but you know.... dont feel pressured to respond back immediately with all that i ask

take your time, i dont mind waiting, your life is more important than my constant nagging for retranslations (or so i say :P)

Edit: another day, another retranslation request

"Let’s continue, please ignore that idiot daughter."

Kazuma sits down at that spot and doesn’t move, then acts calmly and says. The ossicles are numb until now; to keep standing isn’t a very easy matter. (Note: Ossicles or three ear bones are found in the ear.

“…No, Ayano only doesn’t know what going on, let her listen it will be easier for me.”


the translation states that he says that statement....but as their are no quotation marks... i cant tell if its something that he actually says to Juugo.

also...with the third line, it seems as if Kazuma did say smthing to Juugo...but the way it is said is missleading

btw this is after Ayano shows up...during the whole, Juugo's lv 68 commanding shout, section 3

Edit 2:
In order to send away such thing, to come in contact with place of origin of the seal, certainly without a Kannagi main family member would be impossible

“But, if the fire is a hindrance then you can directly blow it away, even if it is a Samadhi Flame, if I can do it, probably that guy also can.”

“The seal is inside the fire.”

Juugo again repeated what was just said, as if testing Kazuma.

“Then it is… hey, isn’t that?”

“That’s right, the fire is sealing that god, if the fire is blown away, the sealed god’s form will also disappear, so without those protected by the fire, removing the seal is impossible.”


I dont really understand what the author is saying, is that if you "blow" away the flame that is the seal for the god...that the god itself will dissapear? (as in it dosn't exist anymore) or is it that if you "blow" the seal to another location, that the god will be taken (while being still sealed) to the new location....or is it something completely different?

this is located in section 3, after the whole explaining of the origins of the Kannagi and Fuuga clan, before the whole Ayano hatin on Kazuma

Edit 3: haha, another one!

The calm and direct explanation really quieted the two Kannagi.

Brainwashing and possessing, there are many methods as desired. Although the strength of the Kannagi clan resides in the lineage, but it isn’t practical such as the body, even when losing conscious, or possesses by youma, the spirits will still protect Ren’s body.

“If we don’t hurry, then if the seal is released, there would be no way back. Before this we must rescue Ren.”



this statement could be taken many different ways...

they said that the spirits could protect his body...but does that mean from harm or from possessing effects. should it actually say his soul? because if he is to lose consciousness...then wouldnt that leave his body free for manipulation... then how would they make Ren do stuff or how would the spirits protect it..... and even if they could protect his body...what is the point of mentioning that if he is manipulated anyways...and if his body is protected yet his soul is susceptible(sp) to manipulation....that seems backwards to me.....

...bah...

anyways, this part is after saying how the rebellion from a slaves point of view is a justice....and right before Kazuma said, "please work hard!" and the whole how this is unrelated to Kazuma arguement.

Edit 4: might be the last one

Ayano’s words were full of despite. Kazuma only grinned without replying.

Used to think that he was a《good person》, that would moved by people dear to him, but in conclusion describing him as a miser will be much better. Of course Ayano’s despite for Kazuma is unnoticed by Kazuma himself.

“Then, please.”

“Ah, leave it to me.”


i need to know what the subject is that this statement is reffering too. Is it Ayano or people in general?

This is like 10-11 lines from the end of the chapter
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:34 pm

"Let us leave your idiotic daugther at one side and continue the talk."

He puts up a calm front to say, and then he sits at where he is. To continue standing when the inner ear that is in charge of balance is still paralyzed/numb is not an easy thing to do.

"...... No, Ayano should know this too. Letting her hear it together saves a lot of trouble."


There is a bigger term for that inner ear, but now it is 7am, my brother is sleeping 1m away, and i need to set off for sch in 30mins, so i shall leave that alone.=X

To avoid that flame, and reach where the seal is, indeed only a the direct bloodline of the Kannagi can do so!

"But, if it is just a fire, just disperse/blow it off. Even if it is a Samadhi Flame, I can do it too. They probably can too!"

"The seal lies within the flame."

Juugo as if testing Kazuma, repeats himself once more.

"That is..... Hey now, could it be?" [or use Hey now, dont tell me?"]

"That is right, what seals their God is the flame itself. If the flame is blown off, their God will disappear with the seal. So for anyone who is not blessed with the protection of the fire spirits, it is impossible to remove/unseal/dispel/break the seal."


The author means,the God is within the flame, which is the seal. Consider it like the flame is your light novel volume, God is the text inside. You can cut and throw away the book, then you SHOULD NOT be able to read your novel volume anymore, since they are gone with it too.

P.S. Dont ask me what happens if it does get blown out, i mean, if their god will be blown out, as in dead, why not? but no matter, the ending for it is still not much different...

Against the calm analysis by Kazuma, both the Kannagi father and daughter quietens down.

Brainwashing, possessing his body etc, the methods that can be used is countless. The power of the Kannagi resides in their blood, as long as their body is still there, even if they lost consciousness or get possessed by a youma, the spirits will still continue to protect Ren's body.

"...... We better hurry. If the seal is broken, everything will be lost. Before this happens, we must save Ren."


Yes, someone can take control of their minds, and the spirits still will protect the body. It is like that the other party must find some way to trick the spirits into thinking it is still Ren?

P.S. A dumb but funny question... Does this mean that Kannagis cannot have their bodies cremated? So how do they bury their bodies? I mean, no conscienceness yet still protected hehez
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Nerevarine » Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:42 pm

ack! you forgot one!

noooooo....he already left....now i have to wait untill tomorrow to implement all my edits! :P
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