ばか！バカ！　馬鹿ー月！

I've done a major edit of volume 2 chapter 3 section 1.

Passive voice was changed to active.
Present tense was changed to past tense.
Subordinate clauses within sentences were rearranged to remove unnecessary commas.
Sentences with more than one subject ("run-on" sentences) were divided into separate sentences.
Contractions used in dialog to make it sound more natural (e.g. "I am" --> "I'm")
Sound effects set in italics.

"Ticket stand [actual text: 剪票口]" changed to "turnstiles" for the automated ticket gates at the entrance of train stations.

"Stacked echo" changed to "reverberated." 多重回音 per Google is "Multi- Heavy Times Sound" implying Shuuji is being battered by the echoes hammering on his ears, but doing so would be re-writing the translation.

Where possible I changed "goo piece" to "globule" or "blob."

Please review.


Daffyd ap Morgen

Seems well done

But English is not even my first language so I am not sure... anyway thanks for editing

Ok, I decided to check a little, almost everything was well done, and a few minor mistakes where corrected (Iinstinctively) ^_^;

Tumour is a less common term, but is still well done

I am not sure of a few things myself, since I am not all that good in english

The girl raised her head to look at the boy, and used a determined tone to reply. As if to pacify the displeased girl, the boy gave a light smile.

“That's the way. You can do it.”

The short, neatly-cut golden hair waved lightly to follow her nodding motion.

I think that should be:
The short, neatly-cut golden hair waved lightly, to follow his nodding motion

But I am not sure myself o.o

The girl looked at the smiling angel (self-proclaimed) with puzzled eyes. However, she did not reject his extended hand.

The girl looked at the smiling (self-proclaimed) angel with puzzled eyes. However, she did not reject his extended hand.

That's all I could do cya

Chaoswind wrote:

The girl raised her head to look at the boy, and used a determined tone to reply. As if to pacify the displeased girl, the boy gave a light smile.

“That's the way. You can do it.”

The short, neatly-cut golden hair waved lightly to follow her nodding motion.

I think that should be:
The short, neatly-cut golden hair waved lightly, to follow his nodding motion

But I am not sure myself o.o

The girl looked at the smiling angel (self-proclaimed) with puzzled eyes. However, she did not reject his extended hand.

The girl looked at the smiling (self-proclaimed) angel with puzzled eyes. However, she did not reject his extended hand.

That's all I could do cya

Yes, it is the golden-haired "angel" who is nodding.

The self-proclaimed can be added anywhere but i guess it is slightly better in front?

Well I am talking for myself as I am not a pro at writing, but when you use () to underline something or to take it out of context, is still better to place it somewhere that even if you where to read the whole sentence it wouldn't lose its sense

god is 2 AM and I am thrashed, so I don't know if that is understandable to lets make an example

The girl looked at the smiling angel (self-proclaimed) with puzzled eyes. However, she did not reject his extended hand.
would be read like this
The girl looked at the smiling angel self-proclaimed with puzzled eyes. However, she did not reject his extended hand.

On the other hand this
The girl looked at the smiling (self-proclaimed) angel with puzzled eyes. However, she did not reject his extended hand.
would be read like this
The girl looked at the smiling self-proclaimed angel with puzzled eyes. However, she did not reject his extended hand.

(self-proclaimed) is used in here to point out something, he is not an angel (or hasn't show any reason to be called as such) yet the girl believes he is an angel...

I hope that made sense...

I AM OUT

By the way, with a sudden influx of editors, i guess i should point this out.

I do not check all the edits made on wiki, it is illogical if i have to check it every month or so to see how much editing is done ^^" so please if you have any comments or any queries please post in the forums to highlight to me. I do not read the wiki much.