Oh, this is a matter of personal preference I suppose. Its your translation work, If you feel thats the way you want it structured then by all means keep it that way.
As a reader, I would have preferred it to be structured differently, because thats my preconceived norm as to what a novel should be like. Both structures are pretty much the same, in maybe the same way the word tomato can be pronounced differently and still be the same word. Yet somehow, I feel like pushing for a bit of a change towards my direction, and since its an open discussion, I hope you don't take it as an insult and sulk in a corner.
Overall, the current structure works fine for the majority. The few parts I do want to change are mostly in the spoken dialogue, because sometimes there is a conflict with the flow of dialogue in my mind when I read the translation. My arguement is that combining the speaker with the dialogue creates a bit more of a cohesion in the flow of the novel. Perhaps it is my unfamiliarity with the way Japanese novels are written that makes me want to change it so much. For example, in the latest Volume 2 Chapter 6, near the intro:
“……Finally……”
Those red lips give off an agitated voice of happiness.
“This moment has finally arrived……”
“I don’t know which moment it is you are referring to, but it is indeed time to settle things.”
Kazuma nods, saying this meaningful line.
“I don’t really care------ But must you kill “that person”?”
“Ahh, you mean “this person”?”
Misao lowers her head to look at her father’s head that she is hugging.
It is a bit difficult to tell who is speaking in my opinion, the way it is currently written. Going from one quote to another, I had to stop to make sure I understood who was saying which line. I had to slow down my reading a sec to process who was saying which line, which was slightly detracting from the suspense of the story for me. I felt it would flow better if it was, maybe written as:
“Finally...” Those red lips give off an agitated voice of happiness. “This moment has finally arrived...”
“I don’t know which moment it is you are referring to, but it is indeed time to settle things,” Kazuma nods, saying this meaningful line. “I don’t really care------ but must you kill “that person”?”
“Ahh, you mean “this person”?” Misao lowers her head to look at her father’s head that she is hugging.
I don't want to make long and hard to read 5-6 line paragraphs. I just want to condense some of the dialogue, grouping 3-4 lines of spoken dialogue together and bundling it into one. I hope I've conveyed why and how I want to make the changes, and I'll grant that our opions may differ. If you're still not convinced by my argument, I'd be more than willing to put up a poll to see how others feel. After all, this is a community and I wouldn't want to impose a minority perspective on the majority.