[ch 5] General Translation Issues

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[ch 5] General Translation Issues

Postby Da~Mike » Tue Aug 08, 2006 12:43 pm

General

EDIT: And meanwhile Kinny fixes some of the issues. Oh well, the fact that they got fixed is what matters I guess, it's just that it means I wasted my time doing this.

Just pointing out some things that definitely aren't mere editing issues. There are many more spots where I question the way you've put it in English, but atleast those more or less agree with what was said in the novel.

Correction sentences will be fairly literal. They're mostly meant to give you an idea about what you got wrong.

--Cruzz 09:31, 23 April 2006 (PDT)


Hello Cruzz

nice to see you helping out, dispite your decline of joining this project (^o^)/

on the other hand you seem to ruffle some of our translators feathers.

^^;

While we have to generally agree with Kinny's points as he has mentioned in the Animesuki novel thread, please continue to help us.

Perhaps you can inform us in the talk page in the future, or even on the [format_guide|Unified Format Guideline] discussion page?

Unfortunately as Thelastguardian mentioned, we must inform him or all major translation contributions before hand.

thanks!

Onizuka-gto 10:14, 23 April 2006 (PDT)

Shrug, I just don't have any interest in promising to do anything, doesn't mean I won't try to meddle with the project if I find the time. As for ruffling feathers, that's more or less a necessary evil.

I'm not planning on directly editing any of the translations, I'll just post my comments on the respective talk pages. Do I need to get a special permission to do that?

--Cruzz 10:43, 23 April 2006 (PDT)

My feathers don't ruffle easily, and they're not ruffled now. As for your corrections, I agree with some of them. I don't claim perfection. However, I question the correctness of all your corrections -- specifically, the global warming remark, which I believe you've gotten wrong.

Kinny's edits and your remarks have also moved a couple of the sentences away from what is actually said. Specifically, the passage that now reads (after your correction and Kinny's edit):


All of the other three members of the SOS Brigade have told me that Suzumiya wasn't ordinary. Has global warming heated their brains so much that they short-circuited?


In the book, clearly says that Suzumiya "isn't human", 人間じゃない -- not that she "wasn't ordinary". It is my opinion that the passage out to read:


All of the other three members of the SOS Brigade have told me that Suzumiya isn't human.



The whole global warming sentence is a mess, but I can't really see any good reason not to let Kinny's version stand, since it more or less projects the same message as the other versions -- that is, that Kyon questions the sanity of all three other ordinary members of the SOS-dan. So let's leave it at that.

--Freak Of Nature 13:13, 23 April 2006 (PDT)

Kinny's version has nothing to do with mine, he actually posted his while I was writing this stuff I think. You might also notice that my version also said she wasn't human. As far as I can see there's not much need for interpretation in these sentences.

--Cruzz 13:41, 23 April 2006 (PDT)

Haruhi, whom I'd parted with

ハルヒは二日前に駅前で別れたときまったく変化のない仏頂面で唇を突き出していた。最近マシな顏になったと思っていたのに、また元に戻っちまった。

×Haruhi, whom I'd parted with in front of the station, two days previously, twisted her face into a sour look, pouting. Lately, she'd been making this face a lot, and I was still waiting for it to turn back.

○Haruhi twisted her face into a sour look just like the one she had when I parted with her in front of the station two days ago. I had been thinking that lately she had been making more preferrable faces, but now she was back to the way she had been before that again.

Haruhi gave me a sideways scowl....

ハルヒは斜め上を睨み、俺は前を向き、岡部教師がやって来てホームルームが始まった。

×Haruhi gave me a sideways scowl (I used to be suitable), then Okabe-sensei arrived and homeroom class started.

○Haruhi started glaring at [a point at] an upward angle , I faced forwards, then Okabe-sensei arrived and homeroom class started.

Thus, as I have described, ...

だから俺は、一足先に部室に来ていた古泉一樹にこのように言った。

×Thus, as I have described, I arrive one step ahead of Koizumi Itsuki.

○So I said this to Koizumi Itsuki who had arrived in the room a step ahead of me.

Oh, you too? You're the second ...

「おや、お前も、と言うからにはすでにお二方からアプローチを受けているようですね」

×"Oh, you too? You're the second person to approach me about that, you know."

○"Oh, seeing as you're saying "you too", I guess you were already approached by the other two."

Koizumi and I went to the cafeteria,...

古泉が俺を伴って訪れた先は食堂の屋外テーブルだった。途中で自販機のコーヒーを買って俺に手渡し、丸いテーブルに男二人でつくのもアレだけども、この際仕方がない。

×Koizumi and I went to the cafeteria, where we found a table outside. Buying coffee at the vending machine midway, we took it with us to the round table, just two guys sitting together, nothing unusual.

○The place Koizumi took me was one of the outdoor tables of the cafeteria. He bought a coffee from a vending machine on the way there and handed it to me. Two guys sitting at a round table like this is what it is, but it can't be helped in this situation.

Suzumiya is no ordinary person,...

「涼宮がただ者ではないってことくらいか」「それなら話は簡単です。その通りなのでね」

×"Suzumiya is no ordinary person, is that about it?"

×"If you want to put it that simply. That's exactly right."

○"Enough to know that Suzumiya is no ordinary person."

○"In that case, explaining will be easy. That's exactly right you see."

Was this some kind of joke?...

それは何かの冗談なのか? SOS団に揃った三人が三人とも涼宮を人間じゃないみたいなことを言い出すとは、地球温暖化のせいで熱気にあてられてるんじゃねえのか。

×Was this some kind of joke? So far, all three of the other three members of the SOS Brigade had suggested that Suzumiya wasn't human. It wasn't like blaming global warming for the heat, was it?

○"Is this some kind of joke? All three of the SOS-dan members suggesting stuff like Suzumiya not being human, aren't you just suffering from a fever caused by global warming?" /(aren't you just feverish because of global warming)

I'd really rather you didn't repeat what you just said.

「先に言わないで欲しいな」

×"I'd really rather you didn't repeat what you just said."

○"I'd appreciate it if you didn't say it before me"
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