[ch 6] General Translation Issues

[Da~Mike]

Some notes on the first section

I'm not skilled in English enough to edit the text itself, so I write down here differences or something I noticed comparing the original novel with the translation. (including two-bite characters)

The first sentence

As with yesterday, today I found yet another letter inside my shoe locker.
その懸念事項は封筒の形をして昨日に引き続き俺の下駄箱に入っていた。

Later, the third (?) paragraph

There, on a piece of paper with smilies symbols all over it, were written the following words.
I will be waiting for you in the club room during lunch break.
Mikuru-chan
印刷された少女キャラのイラストが微笑む便箋の真ん中に、
『昼休み、部室で待ってます みくる』

The fifth or sixth paragraph

I never want to go through such life-threatening situations again.
ほいさと出かけて行って、また生命の危機に直面するのは御免こうむりたい。

-59.143.134.204 01:46, 29 April 2006 (PDT)

Notes on the second section

Differences I noticed comparing the novel and translation. Some of them are very subtle.

After the fourth session, I was surrounded by Taniguchi, staring at me with meaningful eyes;...
四時限が終わるや俺は、休み時間の間から意味深な視線を送ってくる谷口に話しかけられたり一緒に弁当食べようと国木田が近寄ったり職員室に行って朝倉の引っ越し先を調べようとかハルヒが言い出す前に、弁当も持たずに教室から脱出した。部室まで早歩き。 (Kyon wasn't surrounded by Taniguchi or others)

The third paragraph

In three minutes, I arrived at the club room door. I knocked first.
"Please come in."
三分とかからず、俺は文芸部室の前に立つ。とりあえずノック。
「あ、はーい」

-59.143.134.204 02:04, 29 April 2006 (PDT) Next,

It was Asahina's voice, there was no doubt about it. Alright, I could relax and go in!
確かに朝比奈さんの声だった。間違いない。俺が朝比奈さんの声を聞き間違えるわけがない。どうやら本物だ。安心して、入る。 ("I cannot misunderstand her voice.")

She wore a white blouse and a black mini-skirt,...
白いブラウスと黒のミニタイトスカートをはいている髪の長いシルエット。 (A silouhette with long hair in a white blouse and...)

Next paragraph,

But why did she resemble Asahina so much?
しかしそれでもなお、彼女は朝比奈さんとウリ二つだった。何もかもが。

Later,

She looked surprised for a while, then smiled and winked her eyes, shaking her shoulders.
その人は可笑しそうに目を細めて肩を震わせた。 (she is not surprised in the original text)

Two paragraphs later,

Looking at the beauty standing ahead of me, I realized how beautiful she'd grown.
朝比奈さんが大人になったらこんな感じの美人になるだろうなというそのまんまな美人がここにいた。 (The beauty standing ahead of me was exactly the one that I would assume Asahina would be when she is grown up.)

-59.143.134.204 02:30, 29 April 2006 (PDT)

Though I was kinda forced into seeing her change when she dressed as a bunny girl a while ago,...
そんな際どい部分まで見ることが出来たのは、バニーガールのコスプレをしていた時と、不可抗力で着替えを覗いてしまった時くらいだが、 (Kyon had two kinds of situations he could have seen the birthmark)
While I was thinking the above,
俺がその旨を伝えると、 (When I told it to her,)

...and she blushed furiously.
それから急激に赤くなった。 (suddenly)

Right now I can believe anything.
今の俺はたいていのことは信じてしまえるような性格を獲得したので

"Yes, the me from the past......right now, she's sitting with her classmates having lunch in the classroom."
「はい。過去の……わたしから見れば過去のわたしは、現在教室でクラスメイトたちとお弁当中です」

"Does that Asahina know you're here?"
"No, after all, she is my past."
「そっちの朝比奈さんはあなたが来ていることを……」
「知りません。実際知りませんでしたし。だってそれ、わたしの過去だもの」(Asahina in the present time doesn't know another herself is here because the Asahina from the further future doesn't remember another herself was there then)

Several lines later,

I looked at the slightly taller Asahina.
俺は今や背丈のそう変わらない朝比奈さんを見つめた。 (Here the original expression is a bit ambiguous: does this mean the grown-up Asahina is nearly as tall as Kyon?)

No......it's more serious than that.
それではないんです。もっと……そうですね、 (The older Mikuru does not explicitly say Kyon will face a more serious situation)

A few lines later,

I used to wear this often.
よくこんなの着れたなあ、わたし。 ("How could I wear something like this?" or "I can't believe I could wear such a thing!" or the like?)

Three lines later,

Some people are just born to have costumes worn on them.
何を着ても似合う人というのはいるものだ。試しに訊いてみる。 (plus the last sentence.)

She said with a weak sigh.
鈴虫のため息のような声。 (suzumushi...a cricket?)

And after Asahina turned and shook her hair out, then gave a seductive smile, "No comment~." the section ends (two lines of blank in the original novel).

-59.143.134.204 03:12, 29 April 2006 (PDT)

I just wanted to say thanks (however belated -- though I believe in doing meaningless gestures if they're the right gestures.) for the valuable information you contributed. The only reason (as far as I can tell) nobody's acted upon it is probably because like me, they don't know enough Japanese to really be able to respond effectively. Hopefully someone more qualified than me can confirm these discrepancies.

I would like to note one thing I found amusing, (only knowing katakana, hiragana, and a pitiful smattering of kanji.) which is the "Mi-ni Ta-i-to Su-ka-a-to" (tight miniskirt; the tightness being omitted from the current translation.) -- It's good to see that the author has his priorities in the right place. And also that Kyoto Animation had theirs in the right place too, as they faithfully animated that aspect of his vision.

Your English is fine, by the way. And besides, the important thing is that it was easy to understand the meaning you were trying to get across.

--The naming game 16:39, 9 June 2006 (PDT)

RE: the line "Some people are just born to have costumes worn on them."

Phrasing sounds awkward - "Some people are just born to wear costumes" might be better.

--68.199.73.81 12:48, 12 June 2006 (PDT)



On Haruhi's mental state

The original text was "they create a see-saw conflict within her heart". I changed that to "they create cognitive dissonance", which is the formal psychological description for the phenomenon.

That's the only non-grammar/structure edit I made from 20% to 70%.

Eleutheria 09:39, 30 April 2006 (PDT)

If it was anyone else saying those lines, I'd think "cognitive dissonance" was a hopelessly overblown phrase for a high school student to use. But seeing as it is Koizumi speaking, I think that phrase strikes exactly the right note.

--Freak Of Nature 10:20, 30 April 2006 (PDT)


* Interesting, I admit this does sound better, although I can forsee problems that people will have trouble understanding the meaning, but i have to conceed that we shouldn't treat the readers that they are not intelligent to understand these scientific terms, and if not will look to discover what it means themselves.

But I do feel that if people do have complaints, then please voice them here, as i realise that it will be unfair to force people sought out meanings of words when we can easily provide some simple additional notes.

Onizuka-gto 10:21, 30 April 2006 (PDT)

PDF?

Is there any chance that we may see Haruhi in PDF format? It would be a lot easier to print... (of course, I fully intend to also buy the novels when they arrive in English (and they will...).
---------
Unlikely. This is a translation project by fans, to be taken down when copyright is exercised, not a e-book distribution thing. You can, of course, make your own pdf files with Adobe.

Eleutheria 15:35, 2 May 2006 (PDT)