Generic Translated Content, Feedback Appreciated

[YoakeNoHikari]

There's really no real context needed, just a aesthetic way of saying: 現実世界.

There's a Harmonic World, and a Reality World, and parallelism is the only real reason why I want an adjectival form.

[jonathanasdf]

But real is an adjective.... http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/real

The Harmonic World, and the Real World, seems good to me. Is there some nuance to Real World specific to Horizon that I might be missing?

[YoakeNoHikari]

Not really.

I know that 'real' is an adjective, but...Whatever, should be fine. Thanks for the help.

[larethian]

LOL @ Hikari & Jonathan's nitpicking exchange

Jonathan, your point about the ambiguity of "attended high school" is good. Kudos to that.
(EDIT: I didn't realize your highlighting, forget my previous edit)

[Teh_ping]

Guys (and gal), please stop scaring our prospect. Give a general outline of what to improve on, but do not nitpick at every single detail. Wait until the prospect is seasoned enough before going deeper into the details.

[larethian]

so Hazue, will you be working on Mahouka, or something else?

[Mystes]

Just a question: Can Hikaru be written with the kanji of 'light'?

[Doraneko]

Just a question: Can Hikaru be written with the kanji of 'light'?

The following are all pronounced as Hika(ru). But in most cases you will just stick to 光.
光 / 晃 / 晄 / 暉 / 炯 / 烱 / 煕 / 熈 / 爍 / 皓 / 耿 / 熙

[Hazue]

thx all translator senpais for the help, though i'm not sure i can absorb everything i had learned.

so Hazue, will you be working on Mahouka, or something else?

gimme some time, i'm attempting to translate otaria. after translate 1 page or 2, i will let you guys check my work, then only i will decide which one to work on.

[larethian]

Sure. I actually find Otaria much easier to translate to English than Mahouka.

Or do you have other stuff you might be interested in? There are actually some other great series that are quite easy to translate. Of course, your interest is more important.

[Hazue]

Sure. I actually find Otaria much easier to translate to English than Mahouka.

Or do you have other stuff you might be interested in? There are actually some other great series that are quite easy to translate. Of course, your interest is more important.

oh really? i think otaria is quite easy enough for me but if there're any easier one i will be glad to try reading it and see if the story interest me


and btw here's my translation for "Omae wo otaku ni shite yaru kara, ore wo Riajuu ni shite kure!" vol 1, page 1.

Spoiler! :

"Tina, sang this song for oni-chan so Tina hope oni-chan will listen to tina sings"
in the television, a 2D bishoujo said this cute dialogue in embarassment.
right after the dialogue ended, music with light-hearted rhythm started to play
"hey, when will this thing gets interesting?"
twisting her hair while looked bored, the bishoujo beside me watched the video with the edge of her eyes.
"you're the one who requested to watch this, so don't play with your hair and watch this seriously! if you don't then you will missed the important scene you know!"
since a while ago, the television screen had been displaying an anime for around 15 minutes.
"such... anime about a child's singing, dancing, could there really be any important scene coming up? "
saying so, the bishoujo continued messing her hair while looked fatigued...... if only she would listen to me.
eyebrow with too much volume that seems unreal, overused of make-up powder, bright twisted hair and flashy nail.
a woman known as 'girl', is over there. for one who think outlook is everything, the little girl in the moving screen known as Transforming Idol Anime "lovely idol tinkle☆Tina" is something out of her interest.(having hard time finding words for 向け)
(for the end of the 3rd last line, と言えば聞こえはいい, i actually don't really get what it means in this case, so i doubt i had translate it correctly. this part alone took me almost 30min, if not i would be able to translate 1 page in around 45 minutes)

here's the original jap text for those who doesn't have the raw

Spoiler! :

「ティナ、大好きなお兄ちゃんのためにこの歌を歌うから聞いて欲しいのっ！」

テレビ画面の中では、二次元の美少女が頬を赤らめて可愛らしい台詞を言う。台詞の後すぐに、軽快なリズムの歌が始まった。

在电视机里，二次元的美少女满脸通红地说出这可爱的对白.

「ねぇ、これいつ面白くなんの？」

退屈そうに自分の髪を指に巻きつけながら、俺の隣の美少女は目の端で流れる映像を見ていた

「お前が見ようって言ったんだから、髪いじってねえで真面目に見ろよ！ちゃんと見てないと大事なシーン見落とすぞ！」

テレビ画面には先ほどから、アニメの映像が流れ続けてまだ約十五分。

「こんな、子供が歌って踊ってるだけのアニメに大事なシーンなんてあるわけぇ？」

言いがなら、だるそうに髪をいじる美少女……と言えば聞こえはいい。毛量のありすぎる人工的なまつげに、濃すぎるメイク、明るい巻き髪に派手なネイル。

ギャルという人種の女が、そこにいた。その外見の全てが、今テレビ画面に流れいる幼女向け変身アイドルアニメ『ラブリーアイドルてぃんくる☆てぃな』にそぐわないものだった。

i know i had made some mistaken in past perfect tense, or something like that. please pardon me if the grammar error wasn't too serious.
and, i would like to ask all the experienced translators in BT, how do you translate when you see words with 'そう' behind? like "退屈そう". any other better words other than 'looks bored'?

[Doraneko]

その外見の全てが、今テレビ画面に流れいる幼女向け変身アイドルアニメ『ラブリーアイドルてぃんくる☆てぃな』にそぐわないものだった。
For one who think outlook is everything, the little girl in the moving screen known as Transforming Idol Anime "lovely idol tinkle☆Tina" is something out of her interest.

1) その外見の全てが ≠ For one who "think" outlook is everything
Note the particles. They are の and が instead of は/が and で.


2) 画面に流れ（て？）いる ≠ moving screen
Note the particle. It is に instead of は/が.


3) 幼女向け ≠ the little girl in (whatever)

Spoiler! :

広辞苑：

むけ【向け・平】
（他動詞「向く」の連用形）
（1）討って従わせること。万葉集(18)「まつろへの―のまにまに」
（2）（他の語の下に付けて）あて先・行先を示す語。「万人―の本」「欧州―の品」

ジーニアス和英：

―むけ［―向け］
for
［前］…のために［の］
初心者向けの本 a book for beginners (＝a beginners' book)
彼は子供向けに沢山の物語を書いた He wrote a lot of stories for children.
全国向けテレビ演説 a nation(-)wide television address

4) そぐわない ≠ out of interest.

Spoiler! :

広辞苑：

そぐ・う　ソグフ
〔自五〕（多く打消を伴って使う）似合う。そっくりつりあう。続猿蓑「蒲公英（たんぽぽ）や葉には―・はぬ花ざかり」（圃〓）。「その場に―・わない言動」

ＷＷＷＪＤＩＣ：

そぐわない (adj-i) (See そぐう) unsuitable; not matching; out of character [Edit][Ex][L][G][GI][S][A][JW]
君の服装は場所にそぐわない。 Your dress is unsuitable for the occasion.[Amend]

何が幼女アニメにそぐわない?
例の美少女の好み？それとも彼女の外見？



As for your question on 聞こえがいい...

Spoiler! :

広辞苑：

きこえ【聞え】
（1）音や声が耳に入ること。また、その度合。「―の良くないラジオ」
（2）〔言〕（sonority）音声学で、音声の聞き取りやすさの度合。
（3）うわさ。とりざた。評判。源氏物語(桐壺)「御かたちすぐれ給へる―、高くおはします」。「名人の―が高い」
（4）世間の人に聞かれた時の体裁。外聞。浄瑠璃、鑓の権三重帷子「師匠の聟と申せば―もよし」。「世間の―が悪い」

WWWJDIC:

聞こえ 【きこえ】 (n) reputation; fame; renown

Weblio英和対訳辞書：

聞こえがいい
sound nice [decent, respectable]

Being personally handicapped in English, I'd rather leave the discussion on translation choices and English writing to the others. But at the very least, I think your readers' impression will improve substantially if you refrain from sparing the minimum effort in using proper capitalizations.


P.S. Are you translating from Chinese, or using Chinese translations as reference?

[Hazue]

その外見の全てが、今テレビ画面に流れいる幼女向け変身アイドルアニメ『ラブリーアイドルてぃんくる☆てぃな』にそぐわないものだった。
For one who think outlook is everything, the little girl in the moving screen known as Transforming Idol Anime "lovely idol tinkle☆Tina" is something out of her interest.

1) その外見の全てが ≠ For one who "think" outlook is everything
Note the particles. They are の and が instead of は/が and で.


2) 画面に流れ（て？）いる ≠ moving screen
Note the particle. It is に instead of は/が.


3) 幼女向け ≠ the little girl in (whatever)

Spoiler! :

広辞苑：

むけ【向け・平】
（他動詞「向く」の連用形）
（1）討って従わせること。万葉集(18)「まつろへの―のまにまに」
（2）（他の語の下に付けて）あて先・行先を示す語。「万人―の本」「欧州―の品」

ジーニアス和英：

―むけ［―向け］
for
［前］…のために［の］
初心者向けの本 a book for beginners (＝a beginners' book)
彼は子供向けに沢山の物語を書いた He wrote a lot of stories for children.
全国向けテレビ演説 a nation(-)wide television address

4) そぐわない ≠ out of interest.

Spoiler! :

広辞苑：

そぐ・う　ソグフ
〔自五〕（多く打消を伴って使う）似合う。そっくりつりあう。続猿蓑「蒲公英（たんぽぽ）や葉には―・はぬ花ざかり」（圃〓）。「その場に―・わない言動」

ＷＷＷＪＤＩＣ：

そぐわない (adj-i) (See そぐう) unsuitable; not matching; out of character [Edit][Ex][L][G][GI][S][A][JW]
君の服装は場所にそぐわない。 Your dress is unsuitable for the occasion.[Amend]

何が幼女アニメにそぐわない?
例の美少女の好み？それとも彼女の外見？



As for your question on 聞こえがいい...

Spoiler! :

広辞苑：

きこえ【聞え】
（1）音や声が耳に入ること。また、その度合。「―の良くないラジオ」
（2）〔言〕（sonority）音声学で、音声の聞き取りやすさの度合。
（3）うわさ。とりざた。評判。源氏物語(桐壺)「御かたちすぐれ給へる―、高くおはします」。「名人の―が高い」
（4）世間の人に聞かれた時の体裁。外聞。浄瑠璃、鑓の権三重帷子「師匠の聟と申せば―もよし」。「世間の―が悪い」

WWWJDIC:

聞こえ 【きこえ】 (n) reputation; fame; renown

Weblio英和対訳辞書：

聞こえがいい
sound nice [decent, respectable]

Being personally handicapped in English, I'd rather leave the discussion on translation choices and English writing to the others. But at the very least, I think your readers' impression will improve substantially if you refrain from sparing the minimum effort in using proper capitalizations.


P.S. Are you translating from Chinese, or using Chinese translations as reference?

i'm translating directly from jap. i'm a chinese myself so the way i learn jap contains some chinese's style of understanding and remembering jap words/verb.
hmm.... i'm kinda bad when the sentence has a combination of の and が, は/が and で, and so on. and guide on this?
and also, can you translate "と言えば聞こえはいい" for me?

thanks for the help

[larethian]

Sure. I actually find Otaria much easier to translate to English than Mahouka.

Or do you have other stuff you might be interested in? There are actually some other great series that are quite easy to translate. Of course, your interest is more important.

oh really? i think otaria is quite easy enough for me but if there're any easier one i will be glad to try reading it and see if the story interest me


and btw here's my translation for "Omae wo otaku ni shite yaru kara, ore wo Riajuu ni shite kure!" vol 1, page 1.

Spoiler! :

"Tina, sang this song for oni-chan so Tina hope oni-chan will listen to tina sings"
in the television, a 2D bishoujo said this cute dialogue in embarassment.
right after the dialogue ended, music with light-hearted rhythm started to play
"hey, when will this thing gets interesting?"
twisting her hair while looked bored, the bishoujo beside me watched the video with the edge of her eyes.
"you're the one who requested to watch this, so don't play with your hair and watch this seriously! if you don't then you will missed the important scene you know!"
since a while ago, the television screen had been displaying an anime for around 15 minutes.
"such... anime about a child's singing, dancing, could there really be any important scene coming up? "
saying so, the bishoujo continued messing her hair while looked fatigued...... if only she would listen to me.
eyebrow with too much volume that seems unreal, overused of make-up powder, bright twisted hair and flashy nail.
a woman known as 'girl', is over there. for one who think outlook is everything, the little girl in the moving screen known as Transforming Idol Anime "lovely idol tinkle☆Tina" is something out of her interest.(having hard time finding words for 向け)
(for the end of the 3rd last line, と言えば聞こえはいい, i actually don't really get what it means in this case, so i doubt i had translate it correctly. this part alone took me almost 30min, if not i would be able to translate 1 page in around 45 minutes)

here's the original jap text for those who doesn't have the raw

Spoiler! :

「ティナ、大好きなお兄ちゃんのためにこの歌を歌うから聞いて欲しいのっ！」

テレビ画面の中では、二次元の美少女が頬を赤らめて可愛らしい台詞を言う。台詞の後すぐに、軽快なリズムの歌が始まった。

在电视机里，二次元的美少女满脸通红地说出这可爱的对白.

「ねぇ、これいつ面白くなんの？」

退屈そうに自分の髪を指に巻きつけながら、俺の隣の美少女は目の端で流れる映像を見ていた

「お前が見ようって言ったんだから、髪いじってねえで真面目に見ろよ！ちゃんと見てないと大事なシーン見落とすぞ！」

テレビ画面には先ほどから、アニメの映像が流れ続けてまだ約十五分。

「こんな、子供が歌って踊ってるだけのアニメに大事なシーンなんてあるわけぇ？」

言いがなら、だるそうに髪をいじる美少女……と言えば聞こえはいい。毛量のありすぎる人工的なまつげに、濃すぎるメイク、明るい巻き髪に派手なネイル。

ギャルという人種の女が、そこにいた。その外見の全てが、今テレビ画面に流れいる幼女向け変身アイドルアニメ『ラブリーアイドルてぃんくる☆てぃな』にそぐわないものだった。

i know i had made some mistaken in past perfect tense, or something like that. please pardon me if the grammar error wasn't too serious.
and, i would like to ask all the experienced translators in BT, how do you translate when you see words with 'そう' behind? like "退屈そう". any other better words other than 'looks bored'?

Hazue, Denyuuden and Itsuten are the easiest to translate. Denyuuden's setting grows to awestruck levels towards the end and has awesome characters and badass protag, albeit emo at times though. Itsuten gets big as well and ends with a twist in each volume after volume 5, which makes me feel dumbstruck at the turn of events. They both deal with the theme of "overcoming fate and insanity" but presented in different ways.

And you do know that I've already translated that part? See my translation here: http://www.baka-tsuki.org/project/index ... _Chapter_1

And I merely transliberated テレビ画面に流れいる as TV screen. (and I just spotted a mistake of mine lol)

[Hazue]

Hazue, Denyuuden and Itsuten are the easiest to translate. Denyuuden's setting grows to awestruck levels towards the end and has awesome characters and badass protag, albeit emo at times though. Itsuten gets big as well and ends with a twist in each volume after volume 5, which makes me feel dumbstruck at the turn of events. They both deal with the theme of "overcoming fate and insanity" but presented in different ways.

is denyuuden, 'densetsu no yuusha no densetsu'? and itsuten 'itsuka tenma no kuro usagi'?

And you do know that I've already translated that part? See my translation here: http://www.baka-tsuki.org/project/index ... _Chapter_1

And I merely transliberated テレビ画面に流れいる as TV screen. (and I just spotted a mistake of mine lol)

O.O so と言えば聞こえはいい is translated as "though it sounds good if I call her one".
i really have very, very long way to go.
anyone here can give me tuition wwww