Can't translate this in English that well

[kuroi_shinigami]

The original sentence was

耳元に届く声。それからわずかにかかった吐息が、の体をびっくんっと弾ませる。

I translated it into

The voice that directly reach close to her ears. The small sigh that she felt from that make Cecilia body bounced.

Can anybody translate it better since I somehow feels like the English feels a little different than the original sentences, although I can't quite put my finger on what's the mistake.

[larethian]

my version without knowing what's going on :

His voice just beside her ear. The breath from that, slightly brushing against her, made her body jump in surprise.

びっくん is giseigo for surprise. I'll keep that in the trans, since otherwise her body movement could be speculated to be from feeling tickled or repulsed (some random possibilities since I don't know what's going )

[kuroi_shinigami]

Ah, yeah. That's much better. I was a little confused on what to use to translate かかった too, but brush is good for a sigh XD. Thanks. It's easy to understand the meaning. Not too so to translate it into another non-native language ><.

[kuroi_shinigami]

Sorry to double post, anyone have any idea how to translate 反省文 in English? I know what it means, it's an essay you have to write to show that you regret doing something wrong, usually as a punishment by teachers, but I can't find the write english word for it ><.

[rpapo]

This is not something traditionally done in the English speaking world, at least not in the past generation or two. The closest thing that comes to mind is the "Punishment Essay", something that is used to force people to think about just what they did wrong. It's effectiveness is debated amongst law-enforcement authorities, especially since the kind of people they are trying to use it with are generally not all that literate or eloquent...

This isn't something used by colleges or universities here.

[larethian]

Sorry to double post, anyone have any idea how to translate 反省文 in English? I know what it means, it's an essay you have to write to show that you regret doing something wrong, usually as a punishment by teachers, but I can't find the write english word for it ><.

No Japanese translator worth his salt will doubt that you know what it means.

I'll just translate it to "reflection essay" and put a translator note, since this is unique to Japan (and maybe China and Korea?)

[Darklor]

Isnt it like those punishment "essays" in the Harry Potter series?

[kuroi_shinigami]

One more question XD. What's the ばばっと onomatopoeia means in English? The original verb for it in the passage was ばばっと手を向ける.

[rpapo]

"Like a baby", "in a childlike manner", perhaps?

I say that because we find "ぼぼ (n) baby; doll; nyan-nyan(cat); " in the WWWJDICT, and I discovered the other day a reference in an book on Japanese grammar that implied strongly that the っと suffix can have a meaning "in an xxxx manner", where the xxxx is found in the base word.

I am trying to get feedback from Jim Breen about that manner of reading. I suspect that the っと suffix has multiple uses.

[larethian]

One more question XD. What's the ばばっと onomatopoeia means in English? The original verb for it in the passage was ばばっと手を向ける.

firstly, are you sure there is an "を"?
もしあれば、誰に手を向ける？なんのために？「ばば」は擬声語なんって見えないけど。「ば」ってインパクトの音が二回したかもしれない。ちなみに、ご存知かもしれないが、「手向ける(たむける)」は別の意味ですけど。

[kuroi_shinigami]

ちゃんと対象の者がいるです。手向けるじゃない、手を指すことです。私も「ばば」はイムパクトのためと思うですけど、なんか定かにできず、ここで皆を聞くことになります。

[Doraneko]

もしかしたら「ぱぱっと」なのでは？

例の文の出た段落もちゃんと読んでみたいな
全体の流れを掴んでおかないと特定の部分を英訳するなんて無理だし

[kuroi_shinigami]

そうだよね。じゃあ、例の文は

”山田先生がそう言ってばばっと手を向ける先には、セシリアと俺がいた"

ほかの部分はちゃんと掴むできるけど、なんか”ばばっと”の擬声語部分だけはよく分かりません。

[Doraneko]

そうだよね。じゃあ、例の文は

”山田先生がそう言ってばばっと手を向ける先には、セシリアと俺がいた"

ほかの部分はちゃんと掴むできるけど、なんか”ばばっと”の擬声語部分だけはよく分かりません。

一応賞賛の拍手にも少し見えるかもしれないが、これだけで言い切れないな。そもそもあの山田先生が一体何を言ったかさえも分からないし。

前に言ったとおり、例の文の出た段落か、例のページのスキャンをうｐしてもらえば助かるけど。


EDIT:

辛うじてソース特定作業終了。ＩＳ第６巻のページ143だな。

やはり素早い動作を表す、副詞の「ぱぱっと」のほうが通じるね。文の流れを見ればその場合は手を叩いたりするのが可笑しいし。もしかしたら印刷ミスなのでは？

[kuroi_shinigami]

私はそう思わないけど、まあ、よく理解できないからその可能性もあるかもしれない。これは読むの時から印象だけですけど、私はなんかその山田先生は派手に手をほかの二人に指すと思う。何ていうか、テレビクイズ番組参加者は舞台に入る時紹介するM.C.の仕業に似ている。まあ、これはあくまでただ推測だけ、私はたぶん大間違ったかもしれない。Doranekoーさんはどう思う？