Translation - Help

[Misogi]

Hello! this is my first try at translating something and I would like someone with more experience to help me
the following text is from Kaze no Stigma Ignition 1 page 89:

静かな口調に、反論を許さぬ気迫を込めて言い渡した. 抜く手も見せずに突きつけた炎の剣炎雷覇の切っ先が、『手ぇ抜いてっと刺すぞコラ』と雄弁に語っている。
(She) ordered him with a quiet tone, inserting enough spirit/drive not to permit objection. Enraiha the flame sword was trusted forward (to quick for the naked eye to see) (seemingly speaking on behalf of Ayano:) Hey, if you slack off I'm gonna freaking stab you!

the words between parentheses are inferred from context or I didn't found a better phrase. Also, I wonder if swore words are appropriate here to convey the meaning and the character's personality - obviously she is rough around the edges
If you have a better translation please write it and please point out my mistakes

[ShadowZeroHeart]

Her calm tone, shows a clear determination that does not allow any refute. The tip of the sword of flames----Enraiha appearing out of empty space before their eyes, as if saying: "If you dare to slack, I will stab right in."

That is from the Chinese translation

静かな口調に、反論を許さぬ気迫を込めて言い渡した. 抜く手も見せずに突きつけた炎の剣炎雷覇の切っ先が、『手ぇ抜いてっと刺すぞコラ』と雄弁に語っている。
(She) ordered him with a quiet tone, inserting enough spirit/drive not to permit objection. Enraiha the flame sword was trusted forward (to quick for the naked eye to see) (seemingly speaking on behalf of Ayano:) Hey, if you slack off I'm gonna freaking stab you!

Combining the two...

Her silent/calm tone bears enough spirit to not permit objection. The flame sword Enraiha bursts/thrusts out from her hand, tip first, as if hinting "If you dare to slack, I will stab you this instant."

But there might be some mistakes on my side, we always follow Japanese versions more closely, and I can't read Japanese. Sorry, this is as much as I can do...

Swore words are allowed, just keep them according to the character's personality. I try to avoid them wherever possible though.

[KuroiHikari]

静かな口調に、反論を許さぬ気迫を込めて言い渡した. 抜く手も見せずに突きつけた炎の剣炎雷覇の切っ先が、『手ぇ抜いてっと刺すぞコラ』と雄弁に語っている。

In a peaceful/quiet tone, she put in vigor, which denied objections, and announced. Without even showing her hand/move, flame sword Enraiha was thrust, and its tip was telling oratorically, "If you ease up, I'll stab you."

Or (this one kind of force the phrases to be in one sentence.):
The tip of the flame sword Enraiha, which was thrust without even showing her hand/move (or you can use: was thrust swiftly), was telling oratorically, "If you ease up, I'll stab you."

I don't know the context, so some words might not be the most suitable.

[Ayame]

thank you guys! I'm really happy you replied!

[ShadowZeroHeart]

静かな口調に、反論を許さぬ気迫を込めて言い渡した. 抜く手も見せずに突きつけた炎の剣炎雷覇の切っ先が、『手ぇ抜いてっと刺すぞコラ』と雄弁に語っている。

In a peaceful/quiet tone, she put in vigor, which denied objections, and announced. Without even showing her hand/move, flame sword Enraiha was thrust, and its tip was telling oratorically, "If you ease up, I'll stab you."

Or (this one kind of force the phrases to be in one sentence.):
The tip of the flame sword Enraiha, which was thrust without even showing her hand/move (or you can use: was thrust swiftly), was telling oratorically, "If you ease up, I'll stab you."

I don't know the context, so some words might not be the most suitable.

The Enraiha is a divine weapon that is kept within Ayano's body. So it is possible to thrust out from her hand, literally, without any motion.

[Ayame]

Ok, help me with this if you can:

風に乗せて声を運ぶ、呼霊法と呼ばれる術法である. - this is from KnS Ignition 1 PAGE 101

My translation is: Wind caring the voice placed on it, a technique referred as the CODAMA technique (or literal translation - calling the spirits technique)

this sounds bad even to me, please give me a better alternative

[ShadowZeroHeart]

Ok, help me with this if you can:

風に乗せて声を運ぶ、呼霊法と呼ばれる術法である. - this is from KnS Ignition 1 PAGE 101

My translation is: Wind caring the voice placed on it, a technique referred as the CODAMA technique (or literal translation - calling the spirits technique)

this sounds bad even to me, please give me a better alternative

This is a type of skill/technique that carries one's voice along with the wind called "Spiritual calling/CODAMA".

[Ayame]

That sounds so much better, thank you very much!
next comes is a pretty difficult sentence in my opinion :

全身ががたがたと震えているが、それだけで済ませているあたり、一般人としては驚嘆すべき精神力だと言えるだろう。 - same volume page 109
My translation is: Just because of that, her entire body shivers rattled, almost letting it all end, but as for a civilian maybe admiration for her emotional strength should be expressed.

I fell like the sentence doesn't fit together very well so if anyone has suggestions please let me know.

[ShadowZeroHeart]

That sounds so much better, thank you very much!
next comes is a pretty difficult sentence in my opinion :

全身ががたがたと震えているが、それだけで済ませているあたり、一般人としては驚嘆すべき精神力だと言えるだろう。 - same volume page 109
My translation is: Just because of that, her entire body shivers rattled, almost letting it all end, but as for a civilian maybe admiration for her emotional strength should be expressed.

I fell like the sentence doesn't fit together very well so if anyone has suggestions please let me know.

Though she is trembling/her entire body is shivering, but for an ordinary person/simple civilian to not collapse under such a situation, her mental strength is really commendable/respectable/astonishing.

Your translations are fine, with a good understanding. It is just expressing it back in English. Try to use terms you are more familiar with, and not follow the grammar of the Japanese text to closely. It has to be understood by the English population in the end.

P.S. I am not sure how others did it, but when I do translations, I first read and understand the sentence, then portray the exact meaning into English, keeping as much information as possible.

[KuroiHikari]

The Enraiha is a divine weapon that is kept within Ayano's body. So it is possible to thrust out from her hand, literally, without any motion.

I see, but 抜く手 is like the sword drawing move/skill/action

That sounds so much better, thank you very much!
next comes is a pretty difficult sentence in my opinion :

全身ががたがたと震えているが、それだけで済ませているあたり、一般人としては驚嘆すべき精神力だと言えるだろう。 - same volume page 109
My translation is: Just because of that, her entire body shivers rattled, almost letting it all end, but as for a civilian maybe admiration for her emotional strength should be expressed.

I fell like the sentence doesn't fit together very well so if anyone has suggestions please let me know.

Her whole body was rattling, but it ended with only that (or she got through it with only that),

it could be said that she has a emotional strength that should be admired for an ordinary person.

I can't better link the two parts because I'm not familiar with the usage of あたり in this sentence.

[ShadowZeroHeart]

The Enraiha is a divine weapon that is kept within Ayano's body. So it is possible to thrust out from her hand, literally, without any motion.

I see, but 抜く手 is like the sword drawing move/skill/action

That sounds so much better, thank you very much!
next comes is a pretty difficult sentence in my opinion :

全身ががたがたと震えているが、それだけで済ませているあたり、一般人としては驚嘆すべき精神力だと言えるだろう。 - same volume page 109
My translation is: Just because of that, her entire body shivers rattled, almost letting it all end, but as for a civilian maybe admiration for her emotional strength should be expressed.

I fell like the sentence doesn't fit together very well so if anyone has suggestions please let me know.

Her whole body was rattling, but it ended with only that (or she got through it with only that),

it could be said that she has a emotional strength that should be admired for an ordinary person.

I can't better link the two parts because I'm not familiar with the usage of あたり in this sentence.

It is best to follow KuroiHikari's suggestions... as I have noticed that some terms and sayings differ in the Chinese text.

As for the Enraiha drawing part... I am not exactly sure how you draw a sword from inside your body, so I can't give any clear suggestions or ideas on that... Sorry.

[Ayame]

Hello! How would you translate the following phrase

「納得のいく説明をしてもらえるんでしょうね?」

返答次第ではただではおかない、という気迫を込めて、綾乃は詰問した。 - from Ignition 1 page 123

this phrase is really difficult for me. Can you help me?

[KuroiHikari]

Hmm, a few lines before will help, but I'll try.

"How many convincing explanations can I have you make?"

Filled with vigor that said he wouldn't get off lightly depending on his answer, Ayano demanded.

[Ayame]

thanks! It shed light in the darkness.

[Ayame]

this one is also difficult. is the second part some sort of expression or something because I can't make it out

皆殺しにすりゃ済むような気もするが、出すもん出すんなら付き合ってやらないことない。
please help me