Sword Art Online

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Tap
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Tap »

Ushwood wrote:11-5
The terrible impact assailed his right cheek and Eugeo was helplessly blown away, collapsing onto the practice arena's floorboards, back first.
"Eugeo!"
Kirito helped him get up straight away, but even that didn't register in his consciousness as Eugeo opened his two eyes wide, dumbfounded.
a bit later...
They lost that radiance overflowing with curiosity when she still lived at Rulid Village, and Eugeo felt nothing but a mere cold gaze concentrated on him as he lay collapsed on the floor.
and a bit more...
Helped up by Kirito, Eugeo chased behind Alice in silence.
It's technically accurate... But the first could be changed to "Kirito helped him up straight away", kindda like an incomplete action... I guess.
Ushwood wrote:11 - interlude 3
That was just like the heart of the Milky Way, densely packed with galaxies of stars......
The Milky Way is a galaxy itself, it can't be packed "with galaxies of stars".
"That was just like the heart of a galaxy, densely packed with stars"
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Ushwood
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Ushwood »

11=6
You're the odd one, Kirito, being able to sleep and snore away ever since the night we got thrown in jail."
And a bit later...
We were thrown into this underground jail yesterday afternoon
Tap
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Tap »

"You're the odd one, Kirito, being able to sleep and snore away ever since the evening we got thrown in jail."?
It's more or less accurate.
Maybe because Kirito only slept at night and stayed awake the rest of afternoon/evening?

(Wow, the RU side is getting pretty chaotic just because the editor delayed the release of the v12 TL by a few days.)
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Re: Sword Art Online

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11-6
I put out my right arm and shook the chain dangling powerlessly from the metal ring. There was still a length of at least one mel, twenty cen, no, one meter, twenty centimeters, and it was magnificently severed.
A bit further...
Looking at me as I slowly shook the chain with a length of one or two meters held in my right hand, Eugeo gave a worried whisper.
Tap, I guess you mistook 1.2 m for 1-2 m...

Same part.
I believed that the keys to remove the metal rings fitted on our right wrists were among them, but without any mood to disrupt the jailer's sleep and fight for that reason, I took a step back and muttered.
And then...
We softly parted from the window and set our feet upon the spiral staircase
Kirito already "parted from the window" if he took a step back previously.

Same chapter, next part.
Upon hearing that stifled whisper, strong feelings thoroughly filled up even my chest, and I raised up Eugeo's face with my hand still placed on his head.
and a bit further...
Eugeo finally raised his face at my nonchalant words and showed his usual smile, as though to express the thought "my, my".
I suppose the first time Kirito "tried to raise up Eugeo's face" or "raised up Eugeo's face a bit"...
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Tap »

Ushwood wrote:
Looking at me as I slowly shook the chain with a length of one or two meters held in my right hand, Eugeo gave a worried whisper.
Tap, I guess you mistook 1.2 m for 1-2 m...
Yep.
"1.2".
Ushwood wrote:
I believed that the keys to remove the metal rings fitted on our right wrists were among them, but without any mood to disrupt the jailer's sleep and fight for that reason, I took a step back and muttered.
And then...
We softly parted from the window and set our feet upon the spiral staircase
Kirito already "parted from the window" if he took a step back previously.
It's accurate.
Don't take it too literally, "parted from ___" doesn't just mean exactly "going out of contact with ___", more like "getting out of the area where ___ is".
Ushwood wrote:
Upon hearing that stifled whisper, strong feelings thoroughly filled up even my chest, and I raised up Eugeo's face with my hand still placed on his head.
and a bit further...
Eugeo finally raised his face at my nonchalant words and showed his usual smile, as though to express the thought "my, my".
I suppose the first time Kirito "tried to raise up Eugeo's face" or "raised up Eugeo's face a bit"...
Second time on his own accord, I guess.
Kirito probably removed his hand and Eugeo probably lowered his head back somewhere in between.
"finally lifted his head" might sound more natural, though.
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Ushwood »

11-6
The next gate immediately showed itself. The plaza that served as the flying dragon's landing zone was ahead. I do recall having seen that bench and small fountain, but I couldn't be sure if there was a map of the entire rose garden. No, it's a plaza, so it's definitely there; let it be there.
The moment I passed through another gate slightly smaller than the first while praying thus, a familiar, weak, prickling pain ran through the roots of my bangs.
And later...
Taking two steps forward and passing through the gate to the plaza, I unwrapped the iron chain from my right hand and gently gripped it.
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Ushwood »

11-interlude
A large quantity of the drug succinylcholine was injected into him and he even went into cardiac arrest for an hour.
一時 here is not "an hour", it's "short amount of time". An hour without blood circulation is just too long. According to 10-2, "the doctor told her that as Kazuto's heart stopped for more than 5 minutes, it was possible that he could have sustained some damage to the brain." If it was an hour, the doctor would use other words.
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Tap »

Ushwood wrote:The moment I passed through another gate slightly smaller than the first while praying thus, a familiar, weak, prickling pain ran through the roots of my bangs.
"The moment I was about to pass through another gate slightly smaller than the first..."
Ushwood wrote:11-interlude
A large quantity of the drug succinylcholine was injected into him and he even went into cardiac arrest for an hour.
一時 here is not "an hour", it's "short amount of time". An hour without blood circulation is just too long. According to 10-2, "the doctor told her that as Kazuto's heart stopped for more than 5 minutes, it was possible that he could have sustained some damage to the brain." If it was an hour, the doctor would use other words.
Ah, oops.
"...he even went into cardiac arrest for a while."
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Ushwood »

11-6
Hahaha, a little trick like that has no effect on this Frost Scale Whip. In its full control state, its reach can extend up to five mel while splitting into a maximum of seven
Fifteen?

P.S. Tap, will you make all those corrections yourself, or you want me to do them?

P.P.S. Looked it up in the raws. It's fifty mel :shock:. Such a good whip he has...
Last edited by Ushwood on Mon May 13, 2013 12:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Cryum
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Cryum »

Volume 11 Chapter 5
They should recognize Asuna as Rinko's assistant, whom she disguised herself as at the start.
If it's "at the start" and not "from the start", does that mean that she isn't wearing the disguise anymore? Didn't some researchers already see Asuna with the disguise on?
If you got sick of the world, and made it better to gain some peace of mind, would you be selfish or selfless?
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Ushwood »

Cryum wrote:
Volume 11 Chapter 5
They should recognize Asuna as Rinko's assistant, whom she disguised herself as at the start.
If it's "at the start" and not "from the start", does that mean that she isn't wearing the disguise anymore? Didn't some researchers already see Asuna with the disguise on?
Judging by the illustrations, she doesn't.
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Tap »

Ushwood wrote:11-6
Hahaha, a little trick like that has no effect on this Frost Scale Whip. In its full control state, its reach can extend up to five mel while splitting into a maximum of seven
Fifteen?

P.S. Tap, will you make all those corrections yourself, or you want me to do them?

P.P.S. Looked it up in the raws. It's fifty mel :shock:. Such a good whip he has...
Yeah, fifty.
Go ahead and change them, I don't wanna bother, ahaha.
Cryum wrote:
Volume 11 Chapter 5
They should recognize Asuna as Rinko's assistant, whom she disguised herself as at the start.
If it's "at the start" and not "from the start", does that mean that she isn't wearing the disguise anymore? Didn't some researchers already see Asuna with the disguise on?
I guess they stopped caring since she already got on (+ her relationship to affected parties).
She's only going to be there for a few days, anyway.
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Cryum »

For people designing military technology, these guys are kinda lax.....lol. Then again, they have that Higa guy, and they've already leaked way too much info to Kirito(A.L.I.C.E.), so it kinda makes sense.
If you got sick of the world, and made it better to gain some peace of mind, would you be selfish or selfless?
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Ushwood »

Tap wrote: Go ahead and change them, I don't wanna bother, ahaha.
Did that.
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Re: Sword Art Online

Post by Ushwood »

11-6
"I can spare you forgiveness no longer, for your deplorable attempts at soliciting a venerable integrity knight into depravity!
"Oi, scoot hither!"
Just curious: are they really speaking in these styles? Very cumbersome and complicated for the knight and informal (slang, maybe?) for Cardinal?
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