Accel World

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Ushwood
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Re: Accel World

Post by Ushwood »

5-7
They locked eyes with each other, and as if having decided who would have the role of continuing to speak just with that, Kuroyukihime on his left directly faced Haruyuki and continued first.
and a bit later...
hen, Raker stood up from the sofa facing them, and went around the table to sit down to Haruyuki’s left.
So, which of the girls was really on his left and which on his right?
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Re: Accel World

Post by Eternal Dreamer »

Ushwood wrote:5-7
They locked eyes with each other, and as if having decided who would have the role of continuing to speak just with that, Kuroyukihime on his left directly faced Haruyuki and continued first.
and a bit later...
hen, Raker stood up from the sofa facing them, and went around the table to sit down to Haruyuki’s left.
So, which of the girls was really on his left and which on his right?
Sorry, Kuroyukihime is on the right.
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Re: Accel World

Post by ISS »

Vol 6 - Ch 1
Whichever agenda, if it was just one week ago, would have just been an over the cloud talk for the not yet level 5 Haruyuki.
But in Vol 5 - Ch 2 saying, that he reached 5 level already.
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Re: Accel World

Post by Xplorer30 »

Volume 6 begins on Sunday, June 16th, 2047. And one week ago, before June 9th, Haruyuki was still a level 4. Otherwise blame the author.
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Re: Accel World

Post by Ushwood »

5-8
The silver No.1 shuttle that the Nega Nebulas Team was riding was running along the left end of the course as before. To their left, about ten meters away, the Red Team machine driven by Blood Leopard was shining with vivid crimson sparks.
The second of these "lefts" is actually "right" :).
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Re: Accel World

Post by Eternal Dreamer »

Ushwood wrote:5-8
The silver No.1 shuttle that the Nega Nebulas Team was riding was running along the left end of the course as before. To their left, about ten meters away, the Red Team machine driven by Blood Leopard was shining with vivid crimson sparks.
The second of these "lefts" is actually "right" :).
Whoops, must have missed that. The kanji for left and right are easy to mistake if you rush through the text.
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Re: Accel World

Post by Intrepid »

Hello everyone! I'm the same Intrepid from several pages back, who had mistakenly thought that he made an account when he actually didn't, lol.

In any case, I would like to once again thank everyone who has worked on the Accel World project. As a longtime lurker, I am current with the translations. However, I have decided that I could be useful by helping to edit some chapters. I had noticed mistakes in the past that I didn't bother to bring attention to because I had yet to sign up for an account. In addition, while reading through Vol. 6, Chap. 6, I also found errors to correct.

Though TheUnbreakableSky was designated as the person to edit the chapter, I was hoping I could be of some help and do a preliminary edit, so to speak. I just figured that I could save some time and trouble by addressing the bulk of the chapter. If it's alright, I can post the corrections I have made so far. I'm already more than halfway through the chapter, and by the time someone reads this, I probably will be done with it. It's a fairly long list of things too, so I'm not sure if I should post it as one message, or spread it across several posts. In any case, thanks in advance.
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Re: Accel World

Post by Ushwood »

5-9
hen the portal on the top floor of the Sky Tree was opened at 5 PM on Wednesday, the first ones to visit the Hermes Cord hadn’t only been Haruyuki and Pard-san
It was 5:30 pm.
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Re: Accel World

Post by Eternal Dreamer »

Ushwood wrote:5-9
hen the portal on the top floor of the Sky Tree was opened at 5 PM on Wednesday, the first ones to visit the Hermes Cord hadn’t only been Haruyuki and Pard-san
It was 5:30 pm.
Hmm, must have missed that detail.
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Re: Accel World

Post by Intrepid »

6-6
Spoiler! :
However the color of the pleated skirt armor had a brightness of a deep dark red.
Needs a comma after “However”.
The eyes sockets, like her pleated skirt, carry crimson lens that give her both a pitiful yet imposing feeling.
The s can be removed from Eyes, and Lens can be changed to Lenses.
But the crucial part was in the color name, read as 《Ardor》in English, Haruyuki was unable to translate it immediately in his head.
The comma after English should be changed to a period.
Although it has a minor feeling of familiarity, it can be guaranteed that the word had not appeared in the middle school grade two English learning resources.
Is this collectively referring to all middle schools, or just to Haruyuki’s school? It sounds more natural to add a possessive, and it sounds like Haruyuki is drawing on his personal experience while saying this, so I think “middle school’s” sounds appropriate.
considering that asking this abruptly, would cause a loss in demeanor
The comma can be removed; it just needlessly breaks up the sentence.
Even though he stuttered from being overly shocked, Utai, not minding, nods her head.
Nodded sounds better here.
"Only during the period of 《Accelerate》, can I open my mouth and speak.
“Accelerate” sounds somewhat abrupt. Consider changing to “Acceleration”.
Black Lotus once mentioned that the depth of the quantum connection with the consciousness is different for everyone"
Within?
The unique design and the color combination, forces us to be reminded of something in the real world.
The comma can be removed here as well.
"on it was written "unlucky apprenticeship" when……
Capitalize On.
The direction of the cursor ——without a doubt—— was the "Enemy"'s location.
“Enemy’s”
Following that she disappears to the right.
Disappeared.
Following left in a spiral route to approach the enemy until they are within a 10 meter radius of themselves.
“Each other” sounds a little less confusing.
Haruyuki closed his eyes fiercely. Concentrated all his attention to his ears.
“fiercely and concentrated” A comma could also be added after fiercely, but that is up to personal preference.
Where was the difference, to truly tell the difference one would need to train specifically for it.
“Where was the difference? To truly tell the difference, one would need to train specifically for it.”
His eyes wouldn’t work, neither would his ears.
“work, and neither”
but the battle had just started so his special moves gauge was empty
Special move, though I guess this could also be personal preference.
The striker——although he wasn’t sure whether it was Bush Utan or Olive Glove, but they must have moved into an area 10 meters away from himself, they must have waited to give Silver Crow a surprise attack.
“The striker – though he wasn’t sure whether it was Bush Utan or Olive Glove, they must have moved into an area 10 meters away – must have waited to give Silver Crow a surprise attack.”
therefore the period in which he couldn’t fly was a disadvantage for him was understandable
“therefore the period in which he couldn’t fly was a disadvantage for him, that was understandable.”
If this was that person, who like Silver Crow was a close ranged, high movement type the black king Black Lotus what would she do? Of course not like this searching without a direction.
“If this was that person, who, like Silver Crow, was a close ranged, high movement type, what would Black Lotus, who was the black king, do? Of course not like this, searching without a direction.”
Although it wasn’t a great plan, but failing after trying is better than standing still and giving up on everything.
“It wasn’t a great plan, but failing after trying was better than standing still and giving up on everything.”
Rather than 《Fast》it was closer to an 《No excess action》type of movement.
Replace an with a.
Rather than reflecting the enemies attack straight on, but accepting the strength, redirecting the angle then releasing it again.
“Rather than reflecting the enemy’s attack straight on, but instead accepting the strength, redirecting the angle and then releasing it again.”
This technique wad what the black king referred to as《Soft Act》, which is the mentioned《Defensive counter-attack》.
“This technique was what the black king referred to as a《Soft Act》, which was the mentioned《Defensive counter-attack》.”
This was Haruyuki’s 《Accelerated sense》after concentrating till a certain point, but to have this feeling after relaxing and not moving was the first time.
“”till” needs to be changed to until.
The enemies attack that came after an undeterminable amount of time, was located not by Haruyuki’s sight or his hearing but by the tremors of the ground.
Enemy’s, and a comma can be added after hearing.
Spreading his right hand and turning around. The punch that came from the clumps of grass belonged to a body of glass green that blended into the environment a small duel avatar《Bush Utan》.
Put a comma after around, and after environment. Also, the letter a can be replaced with “the” for “the small duel avatar 《Bush Utan》.”
On the contrary, by trying to conform the enemy’s movement, becoming a part of the attacks movement to change the direction of the attack.
attack’s
The second attack came a lot faster than the previous, few seconds later, the vibrations came from behind. His right hand reacting faster than his sight faced backwards, and when he felt he had caught something began to draw an outwards circular trajectory.
“The second attack came a lot faster than the previous, and a few seconds later the vibrations came from behind. His right hand, reacting faster than his sight, faced backwards, and when he felt he had caught something, it began to draw an outwards circular trajectory.”
Although the enemy had tried to forcibly correct the fist’s direction, but in the end it made his left foot lose balance, Haruyuki reflexively placed his left hand over Utan’s left fist, placing it on his shoulders.
Remove "but" after the first comma, and add "and" in front of Haruyuki.
Accompanying a short shout with all he’s got. Utan flew higher than before and flipped a few times in the air before falling back into the clumps of grass.
Replace the period with a comma.
Originally thinking that he would submerge again, but this time he only took a few steps back, and pointed at Haruyuki.
“Haruyuki originally thought he would…”
“To think you’d use such a unique defense technique!”
Defensive.
Although he understood Kuroyukihim’s 《Soft Act》, but in theory throwing and grappling skills were ineffective.
Kuroyukihime, and remove “but” after the comma.
aside from Shinomiya Utai who was watching Haruyuki from a distance——《Ardor Maiden》and the close by moving yet hasn’t appeared 《Olive Glove》, there were a few figures of duel observers.
“…and the nearby, yet still hidden Olive Glove,…” sounds a little less choppy.
By being able to dig a crater this deep with one hit, demonstrated the abnormal power, if he had accepted the attack just now,
Remove “By” at the beginning, and remove the comma after “hit”. Also, change the comma after “power” to a period.
The special gauge had not decreased at all, putting it another way had never increased much.
“The special gauge had not decreased at all. To put it another way, it had never increased much.”
But, then why. A rule of learning the incarnate system was that it was forbidden to use it in normal battles. Also, what was the meaning behind the black eye on his chest.
Question marks needed.
With the same skill, Utan brandishes his right fist.
Brandished.
Shaking his head furiously and evading, but the corner of his face was scratched by a finger.
Remove the “but” after the comma.
Looking down at the left arm that had lost its wrist, the face that had a scar releasing light blue sparks of Haruyuki, Utan slowly pulled back his right fist, and then raised his left fist.
Umm, is it saying that sparks are coming from a scar on Haruyuki’s face? If so. perhaps “Haruyuki’s face released light blue sparks from its scar”. A period should be placed at the end of that as well.
With a murky sound from the vibrations the third attack came.
“With a murky sound, the vibrations from the third attack came.”
In the place where Haruyuki was 0.1 seconds ago was pierced by Utan’s fist. As he watched the terrifying scene, Haruyuki desperately tried to pull some distance rising quickly upwards.
“The space where Haruyuki was 0.1 seconds ago was pierced by Utan’s fist.” Also, “by” should be added after distance.
Unsure of the situation. No, perhaps unable to accept the truth. The mouth beneath the mask, spoke.
Sounds too choppy with the periods. Perhaps “Unsure of the situation – No, perhaps unable to accept the truth, the mouth beneath the mask spoke.”
Sha, Sha, weaving through the grass stepping closer Bush Utan stopped in front of Haruyuki, his face with a massive grin.
Comma after closer.
The four powers of the incarnate system——‘shooting range’ ‘movement’ ‘strength’ ‘defense’ the spread of these four power, in theory only the powers that are attributed to the duel avatar can be attained,
“The four powers of the incarnate system——‘shooting range’, ‘movement’, ‘strength’, and ‘defense’. The spread of these four powers, in theory, are attributed only to the corresponding color of the duel avatar,…”
Strong as Yuniko was even she had to admit that she couldn’t use the types that were direct opposites of her own 《Power》and《Defense》these two types.
I’m pretty sure “These two types” is referring to Range and Movement, but it’s sort of confusing as is, so perhaps it could be changed to something like “The two types Utan currently had.”, or something similar?
The opponent he was facing Utan lowered both his strong arms to his side,
Commas around Utan, though at this point it is fairly obvious that Utan is Haruyuki’s opponent, so I question why Reki felt the need to clarify that here. The sentence would be just fine if it started at Utan.
once you install them into the Neuro-Linker, you will be able to full-dive into a virtual environment suited for patient teaching.
Capitalize once.
furthermore, incarnate originally wasn’t a power you could grasp simply by installing a program.
Incarnation.
Then, from whom did he get it? Unless……, unless its.
It’s.
“……no. to big bro Ash this matter……is still a secret.
Capitalize to.
first you have to face the《Scars of the Heart》……
Capitalize first.
the burst linker who was speaking in an cheerful tone a few minutes ago spoke in a hoarse voice.
A cheerful tone.
There no need to partner with someone!
There’s.
《Olive Glove》once this battle is over I’ll settle the outcome between us, we’ll see whose 《IS Mode》between us is stronger! Where are you Olive! Watch carefully how I finish this guy!”
“Olive Glove, once this battle is over, I’ll settle the outcome between us, and we’ll see whose IS Mode between the two of us is stronger! Where are you Olive!? Watch carefully as I finish this guy!”
As such, what would the situation with having to confront Shinomiya Utai be like, it shouldn’t be a total defeat too right……
Replace the comma with a semicolon, or place a question mark after "like" and start a new sentence.
Turning in a hurry, like in fear of something and stretched out his right hand.
Turning in a hurry, as if afraid of something, he stretched out his right hand.”
On the hand that was as thick as a tree branch was a layer or light.
Of.
Bush Utan’s health had over eighty percent left. Silver Crow had practically been reduced to half,
Silver Crow’s.
and his duel partner Shinomiya Utai——《Ardor Maiden》’s health gauge, was the same as when the battle started, it hadn’t decreased at all.
The comma after health gauge can be removed.
meaning Ardor Maiden should’ve also suffered a pre-emptive incarnate attack.. In fact Olive was about the use the long ranged attack that Utan had used《Dark Shoot》.that skill naturally couldn’t have been the first incarnate attack.
Delete one of the periods of the first sentence. Comma after “In fact”, and “Olive was about to use”. “That” should be capitalized and spaced from the period.
Forgetting to breath,
Breathe.
The delicate left hand, held an object that was not there initially.
Remove the comma.
A thin long wooden stick that was at a length close to her body height, the top and the bottom had a soothing curvature, the two curvatures were joined together by an extremely thin bowstring. It was a——long bow.
Personal opinion, but this sentence seems to be designed with suspense in mind, only revealing that she is holding a bow at the very end. Saying “Bowstring” at that point kills the reveal of the bow immediately following it, so perhaps just referring to the bowstring as a string for this line, and then refer to it as a bowstring for the rest of the chapter.
Utai’s mesmerising graceful action pulled the bowstrings.
More than one bowstring?
The moment the flaming was pulled out it melted into the air and disappeared,
Flaming arrow.
Ardor Maiden having reached Haruyuki and Utan, held the long bow with both hands at level,
Comma after maiden.
She shook her head, as if the unscratched victory was mistake.
A mistake.
Lifting her head, with a harsh staring at Utan, Utai asked in an overwhelming tone on voice.
Of voice.
“Bush Utan, Who was it that gave you this plug-in?”
Make the w lowercase.
The grass green color duel avatar compelled by coercion, went back a step, two steps.
“The grass green colored duel avatar, compelled by coercion, went back a step, two steps.”
“no, I can’t……say……I promised, not to leak the information……”
Capitalize no.
In the past Kuroyukihi and Fuuko had mentioned,
Kuroyukihime.
Utai like urging him lightly nodded her head.
“Utai, urging him lightly, nodded her head.”
The eyeball on his chest, suddenly opened fully, a shifty red light throbbing intensely.
The comma after chest can be removed.
As if the eye an object had interfered with Utan’s mental state.
“As if the eyes were an object that had interfered with Utan’s mental state.”
Utan who was wriggling and constantly had words, suddenly lifted his body up.
“Utan, who was wriggling while saying such things, suddenly lifted his body up.”
From both his eyes and his chest the three locations, dark red light like a thin spear shot out.
“From the three location on his body, both of his eyes and his chest, a dark red light, like a thin spear, shot out.”
“This power belongs to me, my 《IS Mode》, if you want to steal it……then have a taste of this first”
Exclamation mark or period at the end?
Since it originates from within you, a mimicry of yourself”
Needs a period.
In a flash, the balance maintained till now was broken.
Until.
Probably not to escape, rather to use the long ranged black light attack that dropped Haruyuki to perform a sneak attack.
“Probably not to escape, but rather to use the long ranged black light attack that dropped Haruyuki to perform a sneak attack.”
And that’s because the enemy could also use mind power to retaliate”
Period?
“Kuu-san, just once is enough, block Utan’s attack for me. My incarnate skill, requires a lot of time to activate”
“Kuu-san, just once is enough. Block Utan’s attack for me. My incarnate skill requires a lot of time to activate.
Above the softly curved white armor were detailed sketched eye brows.
Comma after detailed.
whilst cold some other. Leaving no traces of the original mask.
“whilst cold some other, leaving no traces of the original mask.”
Moving the burning wooden stick like object into her right hand, and pointed it forwards.
“Utai moved the burning wooden stick like object into her right hand, and pointed it forwards.”
Why turn the bow in her hand into a fan!
!? may be better here.
Although there was an impulse to vent, but to prevent Utai from losing concentration he left it aside.
This could be changed in two ways:
- “Although there was an impulse to vent, to prevent Utai from losing concentration, he left it aside.”
- “There was an impulse to vent, but to prevent Utai from losing concentration, he left it aside.”
To find the location of the shot will be few times harder than the location of a fist attack.
“To find the location of the shot will be a few times harder than the location of a fist attack.”
Looking towards the black beam aiming at Ardor Maiden fro the back-right direction,
From.
Along with a ear piercing impact sound, the laser deviated from its path. Barely missing Utai’s shoulder and disappeared towards the twilight sky.
Along with an ear piercing impact sound, the laser deviated from its path, barely missing Utai’s shoulder, and disappeared towards the twilight sky.
He has seen such a thing before in the past.
Had.
It dropped below 30% in the blink of an eye, as though the flames itself was burning the gauge away.”
“as though the flames themselves were burning the gauge away.”
Last edited by Intrepid on Mon Dec 30, 2013 7:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Intrepid
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Re: Accel World

Post by Intrepid »

Ah, I completely forgot that I could have used spoiler tags. Thanks, I'll definitely use that from now on.
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Re: Accel World

Post by theUnbreakableSky »

Nice to know that you're working on V6.6 Intrepid.

What I have been working on lately however is a complete retranslation of V6.6. Heikichi's Chinese wasn't that great and every few sentences there's some that are oddly phrased. It would make better sense if you have access to the source material, which I assume is not the case...

You can carry on editing, but when I'm done I'll put up a retranslated V6.6 on my blog first, before I put it on BT.
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Re: Accel World

Post by Intrepid »

No problem; I'll just wait for your retranslation before bothering with anymore editing on 6-6 then. I appreciate yours and Heikichi's efforts in translating Volume 6, and despite the errors I found while reading 6-6, I was still able to understand and enjoy it greatly, so I am in no way trying to be discouraging towards Heikichi; he did a great job, and most of the time, it was simply a matter of a single (missing) comma affecting the flow of a sentence.

And yeah, not only do I not have access to the source material, I don't understand Chinese or Japanese (though I am trying to learn Japanese), so I can't be of any help there. I just consider my English to be very good, so editing is something I feel I could be useful for.

Sword Art Online and Accel World are my favorite series, and if it wasn't for everyone here, I would not have been able to enjoy it or know what happens past the anime. For the longest time, I just read the chapters and lurked here without ever saying as much as a thank you (not out of selfishness, just never bothering to sign up for an account), so I ended up getting to reap the benefits while others went to the trouble of translating. Though it isn't much, I hope being able to edit when possible will be helpful in someway. I eagerly await the rest of Volume 6, and I definitely don't mind editing it as it becomes available.

That's enough from me though. Thanks again TUS, and keep up the great work!
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Re: Accel World

Post by Ushwood »

5-10
It instantly condensed into the form of a Qatar thrusting sword used by Middle Eastern warriors
Didn't find any weapon with this name. I suspect this is Katar dagger (just maybe longer than a normal dagger should be).
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Re: Accel World

Post by Eternal Dreamer »

Ushwood wrote:5-10
It instantly condensed into the form of a Qatar thrusting sword used by Middle Eastern warriors
Didn't find any weapon with this name. I suspect this is Katar dagger (just maybe longer than a normal dagger should be).
Hmm, you're probably right.
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