Shouldn't this line be in a bold font?—Then devour them. Devour them and turn them into power. Other people are unnecessary. Break them. Destroy them. I am the incarnation of catastrophe. I am the symbol of fear. I—am «Chrome Disaster»!!
Oops, must have missed that one. I just corrected it myself.Ushwood wrote:5-10Shouldn't this line be in a bold font?—Then devour them. Devour them and turn them into power. Other people are unnecessary. Break them. Destroy them. I am the incarnation of catastrophe. I am the symbol of fear. I—am «Chrome Disaster»!!
Probably it's about KYH and should be "her".During last year’s autumn, Cyan Pile’s attack and the chance for Silver Crow’s birth visited him.
I'm currently retranslating chapter 6 since compared to the first six parts, the phrasing is not good enough to just leave it as that. After I finish that, I'll probably start chapter 7 (since I haven't heard from Heikichi lately too).Soxar wrote:Hi, just made this account to tell everyone that's currently working on this, thank you for all your hard work.
I also don't want to seem rude or anything, but what's the current status on all the other chapters of volume6 that are not currently translated?
Ok.Their forms were different, but their armor colors and the auras of darkness in which they were clad as well as their insane fighting styles were commonly shared. Inside the images, as if aroused by something the knights wielded their swords, using their claws to tear away and their teeth to pierce.
Commas after Clad, Styles, and Something.
Go ahead. Take out the comma while you're at it.The design was reassuring, but there was no ill omen in it.
Not saying this is wrong, but the usage of the word But would imply that the latter half of the sentence would be contradictory to the former half. However, both pieces of information in the sentence are positive, so wouldn't And be a more appropriate connector?
Ok.Once, «someone» in the distant, distant past who succeeded in penetrating the Imperial Palace had procured this Destiny.
Commas after Past and Palace.
Ok.At the same time, the «Future Prediction Function» used to slaughter easily the formidable enemy «Rust Jigsaw» would not exist...
After looking at this for awhile, I suppose it's fine, but I feel "easily slaughter" would flow better. Personal preference I suppose.
I'd accept "Immediately after the wall opposite him crumbled, a large silhouette appeared from within while he was breaking into pieces.Immediately after, while breaking into pieces the wall opposite him crumbled, and a large silhouette appeared from within.
Comma after Pieces.
Deserves to be.“…You still don’t understand, Haru. That I’m…not a human that deserves to been talked about in that way.
-Deserves to have been
-Deserves to be
Ok.He had been unable to say those worlds until now because he was afraid that when their conversation was over, Takumu would stood up, bid him farewell, and leave the room—
Stand up.
Use single quote marks then.“I might have been prejudiced though…before the very first instance of the lyrics “If you will grant my wish now, I want wings,” I always had the feeling that…the line “Though I know it won’t be granted” was before it. That was too much like my own real feelings…I was never able to bring myself to like that song.”
When repeating lines that others have said, or are repeated from books or other works, usually single quotations ('word') are used around those portions to differentiate from the rest of the character's dialogue. Consider changing the quotation marks around the song lyrics.
Ok.His voiced abruptly quivered at the end of the sentence; below his tightly closed eyelids, transparent drops flowed smoothly once again.
Voice.
Both are okay to me here.“…Yesterday night, I received the Kit from «Magenta Scissor» in the Setagaya area.
Last night.
You're an American, or did you learn American English?In short, that programmed possessed the ability to interfere with humans’ consciousnesses—with their very souls.
Program.
I'd put 'programme' since I was taught in British English, so either form is acceptable here.
It takes learning to know when to use literal and direct translations, or inference translating.Dreamer, where did you take that from? It was April 10th.2010 December 15th, Kawahara Reki
がんばっていろいろ調べ たり畏友А山先生にお話を伺ったりしようと思います。 in the original. Is it some "Ayama-sensei"? But, strange writing...my good friend Professor A-san
Looks like HIMA is a female: viewtopic.php?f=59&t=4530&p=176427&hilit=hima#p176427the illustrator HIMA-san, who I made a lot of trouble for by firing non-stop difficult requests at him as usual
The А山先生 would, yes, translate literally as Ayama, but in order to keep the idea of anonymity that he is trying to convey here, I would suggest either just leaving it as "Professor A" or as "Professor A-yama".Ushwood wrote:5 - afterword.Dreamer, where did you take that from? It was April 10th.2010 December 15th, Kawahara Reki
がんばっていろいろ調べ たり畏友А山先生にお話を伺ったりしようと思います。 in the original. Is it some "Ayama-sensei"? But, strange writing...my good friend Professor A-san
Looks like HIMA is a female: viewtopic.php?f=59&t=4530&p=176427&hilit=hima#p176427the illustrator HIMA-san, who I made a lot of trouble for by firing non-stop difficult requests at him as usual
I feel that comma is important because there is a natural pause between the two clauses, and it also helps to make the sentence not sound so abrupt. However, while looking up coordinating conjunctions, I found that the comma can be omitted as you have done is the sentence is fairly short. I suppose I'll just remove the comma then.theUnbreakableSky wrote:Go ahead. Take out the comma while you're at it.The design was reassuring, but there was no ill omen in it.
Not saying this is wrong, but the usage of the word But would imply that the latter half of the sentence would be contradictory to the former half. However, both pieces of information in the sentence are positive, so wouldn't And be a more appropriate connector?
I thought the wall was breaking into pieces, not he [Haruyuki/Taku]. It was because the wall was breaking into pieces that it crumbled. After it crumbled, a silhouette appeared where the wall was. Might I suggest "Immediately after, the wall opposite him broke into pieces and crumbled, and a large silhouette appeared from within."?theUnbreakableSky wrote:I'd accept "Immediately after the wall opposite him crumbled, a large silhouette appeared from within while he was breaking into pieces.Immediately after, while breaking into pieces the wall opposite him crumbled, and a large silhouette appeared from within.
Comma after Pieces.
I wans't aware that I had the authority to make edits to the chapter itself? I thought I was just supposed to bring attention to things so that people who are trusted to make the edits could do so. I'm a new member, so I didn't think I had the ability to make the edits to the chapter myself. Also, it seems my login for the Baka-Tsuki forums won't work for the main site/wiki, so is there something I'm missing, or do I need to make another account?theUnbreakableSky wrote:Use single quote marks then.“I might have been prejudiced though…before the very first instance of the lyrics “If you will grant my wish now, I want wings,” I always had the feeling that…the line “Though I know it won’t be granted” was before it. That was too much like my own real feelings…I was never able to bring myself to like that song.”
When repeating lines that others have said, or are repeated from books or other works, usually single quotations ('word') are used around those portions to differentiate from the rest of the character's dialogue. Consider changing the quotation marks around the song lyrics.
Yes, I am an American. However, I am just fine with either spelling. I wouldn't want there to be any bias in my choosing to stick with the American spelling, so I decided to look it up myself to be sure, and I found this:theUnbreakableSky wrote:You're an American, or did you learn American English?In short, that programmed possessed the ability to interfere with humans’ consciousnesses—with their very souls.
Program.
I'm assuming that this is a rhetorical question, which is why there is no question mark. However, immediately before this quote, Taku told Chiyuri that Citron Call could not be used to reverse his ISS, so I would assume that Chiyuri asking why that is in this quote would be a legitimate question expecting a response, so a question mark should be there, IMO.“Wh…why, Taku! Why don’t you hit Magenta Scissor back with it with cash on delivery!”