[Ch 1] I had to make HUGE edits, with frequent reference...

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onizuka-gto
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[Ch 1] I had to make HUGE edits, with frequent reference...

Post by onizuka-gto »

I had to make HUGE edits, with frequent reference to the original Japanese text.


About Mikuru:

"But I know she has a devilishly sexy body in contrast to her angelic face, a girl with the looks to kill."

I have no idea where this came from. The text just says that her small body and face suit her, but Kyon knows that she's really glamorous (guramarasu). I'm all for capturing the original spirit of the text, but this may be taking it a bit too far.

Is "glamorous" supposed to be in contrast the the "angelic" descriptions in the previous sentances? That has been lost in your edits. I've not changed anything for now, but perhaps you (or someone else with a copy of the novel) could take another look at it?
--BlckKnght 01:48, 6 May 2006 (PDT)


Next paragraph about the nurse outfit, I inserted Mikuru's name which was missing from the translation, clearing up ambiguity. “This kind of matter doesn’t need any reason.”

「ねーよ、んなもん」 is pretty hard to translate. Perhaps "Do you really need a reason?" can capture Kyon's secret longing for sexy Mikuru. Please give input.

I interpreted that sentance in the original version to be a quote from Haruhi, answering the question directly. Is that not the case? If it is, I'm not sure if Kyon's feelings are relevant, but perhaps my initial understanding was wrong (I do not have the original novels, nor could I read them if I did).
--BlckKnght 01:43, 6 May 2006 (PDT)

Next paragraph. Mikuru: 「そそ、そんなぁ~」

The next sentence is completely missing:

半泣きになりつつ生真面目に言いつけを守っているのだった。

I'm not sure how to translate this. "with tears in her eyes" is the best I can come up with.

Next paragraph. "audience" is not mentioned. Rather, the text simply uses "fulfilling requests", which is simpler.

I made a few small changes in this section, just to clear up the tenses and make things flow better. It does have the effect of making Kyon's maid fetish a little bit less explicit. Please feel free to change back if I've strayed too far from the original meaning.
--BlckKnght 01:43, 6 May 2006 (PDT)

Also, before "Yes, that would be good", another sentence is missing. 悩ましく恥じらいながら。 Not sure how to translate this. Perhaps ”While being both sexy and embarassed"?


Interesting how the chapter suddenly starts using paragraphing. I have cancelled all of the indents as per every other chapter.


"But our speculations is inaccurate, as the arrow that Haruhi shoots goes through the wall where the target board is and flew away. "

The arrow is used as a metaphor for Kyon's speculation, not an actual arrow that Haruhi shot.
Eleutheria 00:41, 6 May 2006 (PDT)(Mood: Unhappy)

Wow... All these points you mentioned do appear to be a relative nightmare!

I'll be brief on what I think should be done to tackle these issues:

* First Paragragh

Anyone who knows something about Japanese culture will know what Koshien is to the baseball zealots of Japan (and that's quite a lot of zealots mind you!). However, to prevent others from getting confused (who may not be as familiar with Japanese culture as some of us are), a translation note should be added to inform them that it is both a stadium and the nickname for the national baseball tournament for schools in Japan. Regarding the choice of "captain" over "representative", every baseball team has a captain (as most sports do) and seing as how Haruhi intuitively self-appoints herself as the leader of anything the SOS Brigade does (and based on the anime which covered this chapter), captain should be the obvious choice.

* About Mikuru

I personally dislike interpretations that stray too far from the original meaning. While it is true that most of us have already conceived a mental idea of the character Mikuru as the "buxom angel in distress", if the source material states (especially in katakana) that Kyon thought Mikuru to be "glamorous", then I think it should be translated that way.

* "This kind of matter doesn’t need any reason."

That particular phrase (「ねーよ、んなもん」) is definitely not Kyon's. What gives this sentence away is the use of "ねーよ" which is approximately "wa - yo". The "wa" is almost exclusively reserved for female speakers and the combination of "wa" and "yo" is even more so. You could appropriately compare this to "desu - yo", which is often pronounced by female speakers as "desshou", which means something of the lines of "Don't you think?".

In my opinion, Haruhi's response should be something like this: "It is! Don't you think?"

* Next paragraph. Mikuru: 「そそ、そんなぁ~」(by the way, this is read as "Ee, sonnaa~")

半泣きになりつつ生真面目に言いつけを守っているのだった。 -> this sentence is a nightmare to me... I can extract bits like "half-crying" and something along the lines "something seriously" and "protected". Based on Mikuru's line though (which would translate roughly to "Whaaat? No way...", I would interpret that she's in her typical "sympathy-magnet" mode where she's crying and looking dreadfully pitiful, inviting Kyon to come and protect/save her.

The help of a translator would be much appreciated for this one.

* Also, before "Yes, that would be good", another sentence is missing. 悩ましく恥じらいながら。

Since that sentence is in fact describing the manner by which Mikuru is saying what's she's saying, I think we should interpret it as the manner by which she said "Yes, that would be good" (if that's the right sentence...). e.g. "Yes, that would be good" Mikuru murmured shyly, yet seductively.

* "But our speculations is inaccurate, as the arrow that Haruhi shoots goes through the wall where the target board is and flew away. "

Lastly, this sentence is somewhat confusing... Simply put, I can hardly understand the point of it without the explanation of what the arrow is meant to be. Currently, it appears that the speculation is Haruhi's and the point of making a reference to a target board and going through it isn't very clear.

I think it may require a bit of structural upheaval for it to be less ambiguous.

Hope that helps.

--Da~Mike 19:03, 6 May 2006 (GMT)
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Tizmi
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Re: [Ch 1] I had to make HUGE edits, with frequent reference

Post by Tizmi »


* "This kind of matter doesn’t need any reason."

That particular phrase (「ねーよ、んなもん」) is definitely not Kyon's. What gives this sentence away is the use of "ねーよ" which is approximately "wa - yo". The "wa" is almost exclusively reserved for female speakers and the combination of "wa" and "yo" is even more so. You could appropriately compare this to "desu - yo", which is often pronounced by female speakers as "desshou", which means something of the lines of "Don't you think?".

In my opinion, Haruhi's response should be something like this: "It is! Don't you think?"

--Da~Mike 19:03, 6 May 2006 (GMT)
Um, I'm a lowly newbie here, and can probably count the number of kanji I can read without taking my socks off...but isn't ね read as 'ne'? :?
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Tanuki
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Re: [Ch 1] I had to make HUGE edits, with frequent reference

Post by Tanuki »

onizuka-gto wrote:
...

半泣きになりつつ生真面目に言いつけを守っているのだった。 -> this sentence is a nightmare to me... I can extract bits like "half-crying" and something along the lines "something seriously" and "protected". Based on Mikuru's line though (which would translate roughly to "Whaaat? No way...", I would interpret that she's in her typical "sympathy-magnet" mode where she's crying and looking dreadfully pitiful, inviting Kyon to come and protect/save her.

The help of a translator would be much appreciated for this one.

...

--Da~Mike 19:03, 6 May 2006 (GMT)
The sense that I get out of this is roughly "while half crying was guarding the seriously spoken [something]"

Not having the original and/or the context it's hard to say more.
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SubordinateFive
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Post by SubordinateFive »

Tizmi wrote:...but isn't ね read as 'ne'?
Yuki wrote:Sou. (Yes.)
In Da~Mike's defense, however, "ne" and "wa" do look very similar in hiragana. And it doesn't change the truth of his statement--"ne-yo" is reserved for female speakers just like "wa-yo" is.
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LyricalAura
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Post by LyricalAura »

SubordinateFive wrote:In Da~Mike's defense, however, "ne" and "wa" do look very similar in hiragana. And it doesn't change the truth of his statement--"ne-yo" is reserved for female speakers just like "wa-yo" is.
"ne yo" isn't reserved for anyone, because it isn't a valid sequence of particles. These only appear together as "yo ne", which is gender-neutral and to my knowledge cannot be used as a complete clause.

However, "nee yo" is a fairly common male colloquial form of "nai yo" (see Isami's "arienee" from Noein). Converted to slightly less colloquial speech, the quoted phrase is "Nai yo, sonna mono" which is literally "There's no such thing."
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Post by velocity7 »

Typical lines:

Kyon: ねえーよ!
Haruhi: そんなことないわ!

Just thought I'd throw that in. ;)
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