Ore no Kanojo to Osananajimi ga Shuraba Sugiru

[Okashira]

I hope that you are not thinking on some heresy like removing sound effects such as ゴゴゴゴゴゴ..... , those are also "resource" since they reference artistic direction from "outside work". I'm actually partially guilty of this, and I plan to eventually re-check various parts on every chapter I did to mend that mistake.

I don't remove things. I edit them. GOGOGOGO refers to a dangerous atmosphere, right? What do you want it to be? Normally I do sfx like this: *cough*, *tension* or *BAM*.

Oh, that's removing. If it was just "normal sound effects", of couse the usual practice is to replace them, but when it comes to Jojo is completely different; leaving them there is for the sake of not detracting their charm. Jojo sound effects are as unique and characteristic as a the dragon balls in dragon ball. In fact they sell ice cubes in the shape of jojo sound effects, they are wide spread and recognizable--- And it goes to the point that fan translations and official adaptations of jojo leave them in their original form.

One thing that I'm worried when having more than one editor, is that this work has a lot of "keywords" that aren't necessarily used how they are supposed to (like "Fake"). Agreeing on keeping those keywords there and not, can be hard. Sometimes noticing them can be hard; and not keeping them makes me cry.

You mean catch-phrases? That's what project specific guidelines are for. I'll edit everything anyway, because Cloud asked me to. So once I've grasped the basics, I'll maybe leave a note or two there. Editors are supposed to act accordingly to those, if someone doesn't = switch it back and tell him to please keep the guidelines in mind. And I just saw, you got those guidelines basically. I read them, and I'll follow them. But the society thing is supposed to be shortened to SAMEFAG, as she uses a similar 2chan term in the LN, I think. I'll get back on that later. Maybe you already had it like that.

Jien-otsu should be left as jien-otsu since it's used as a name (also, to keep congruency with the other adaptations). Arguing that it should be changed because it has a meaning is in the lines of aiming to replace every "Natsukawa" by "Summer river"

EDIT4: To open the box of pandora again: Mayhem sounds odd to the English speaker. Fighting/Fight would fit better according to inaban, a J->E TL (American). It does lit. mean fighting scene, but the "scene" isn't that important. In the end it leads to fighting. I know that it's meant to be a more drastic, but mayhem's not good linguistically. As pretty much every site I've visited TLs it as "blabla fight too much", I think it's safe to say that official subs would go into that direction, too. As the people in the LN do exactly that: fighting, no blood-bath or similar things. They fight with each other, verbally. It also emphasis the fighting-spirit of the girls to win Eita over. Or like OreImo = Little sister, OreShura rings = Fights

"Fights too much" shouldn't even be considered since it disregards the "shuraba" from the title which is a keyword, keeping a special, defining keyword for those events is what is important. Pretty much every "site" that has 'fight too much' that I have seen was because they gathered data from when before any adaptation was being picked up by anyone. If it bothers you that much, keep it at shuraba.

[cloudii]

It seems like we have a lot of disagreements how to proceed with editing this project. Perhaps it might do us well to set up a chat conference sometime via IRC. There are free webclients if you don't have one on your computer.

The way I see it, this debate comes down to Liberalization vs. Literalization.

From working with Okashira this past year, I know and understand his perspective (the Literal side; or staying true to the original Japanese as much as possible). Yūji Yūji is an author that does likes to make a lot of nuances and references in his work. Among these, (like Oreshura mentions) he most commonly alludes to JOJO by using sound effects specifically used in the JOJO series (but may not be the regular sfx typically used).

There are also a significant number of terms that do not translate well without preserving the original meaning. Jien-Otsu is one such example. After all, it's supposed to express an abbreviation of the full club name that secretly means "play-acting" within it. The same goes with the many instances Okashira placed the hovering text over the main word. I'll give an example from V1C6:

... Masuzu was such a terrifying tactician.
A natural at Jien otsu!

(^Basically, Yuji Yuji uses the alternate meaning of the club name to say, "play-acting". He does similar things with the title, etc.)

From my perspective as the translator, I've stated before that I tend to err to the literal. For example, Japanese people have a tendency to address people in third-person, but I've kept it that way in my translations because personally I feel more comfortable sticking to Yuji Yuji's exact usage of nouns. In some occasions, translating "Chihuahead" (third person address that would be wrong in English) to "you" would involve a loss-of-detail, because the characters oftentimes make puns out of each others names and utilize nicknames that reflect inter-character relationships.

At the same time, I also understand Cautr's perspective and the perspective of English readers.

The more we insist on retaining the original japanese meaning, the more difficult it becomes to read our translation. Most English speakers don't know the Japanese sound effects (except for common ones like, "nyaa"), and it looks weird to see an entire line of "jiiiiiiiiijjiiiiiijiiiiijiiiiiiijiiiiiiijiiiiiijiiiiiii". It may make more sense to translate it as, *stare**stare**stare**stare**stare**stare**stare* but then we would technically lose the reference to JOJO(?).

tldr;

What's my perspective?

Originally, I was eagerly looking for an English-fluent editor because as a native-English speaker myself, I felt that there are still a fair amount of grammatical mistakes left over after TLC. At times the current Oreshura translation is a little clumsy and awkward to read, at least stylistically.

The goal was to have this second editor start from the beginning, and correct the language for fluency, correct the grammar (I'm a stickler for getting verb-tense agreement), correct idioms, and simply make the translation more natural to read for native-English speakers

I had no way to anticipate that cautr would be this dedicated in the editing process! C: (Which, by the way, is an extremely good thing. It's good to work over these issues and try to resolve them!)

From this point on, we'll have to work together to produce something we can agree on! This is my personal mission statement, and I hope we all can agree on this):

My final goal is to produce a translation that replicates the same impression on the English reader as it did for the Japanese audience, as much as possible. Replicating the impression means replicating the equivalent feeling, not necessarily the exact original Japanese terms used.

Last of all, I really have to thank you two (Okashira and Cautr) both for putting so much time into trying to work this out. I really couldn't be doing this without you! We all have our limitations (mine being a lack of skill ^^;), but hopefully we can work as a team to make this work.

[cloudii]

EDIT4: To open the box of pandora again: Mayhem sounds odd to the English speaker. Fighting/Fight would fit better according to inaban, a J->E TL (American). It does lit. mean fighting scene, but the "scene" isn't that important. In the end it leads to fighting. I know that it's meant to be a more drastic, but mayhem's not good linguistically. As pretty much every site I've visited TLs it as "blabla fight too much", I think it's safe to say that official subs would go into that direction, too. As the people in the LN do exactly that: fighting, no blood-bath or similar things. They fight with each other, verbally. It also emphasis the fighting-spirit of the girls to win Eita over. Or like OreImo = Little sister, OreShura rings = Fights

"Fights too much" shouldn't even be considered since it disregards the "shuraba" from the title which is a keyword, keeping a special, defining keyword for those events is what is important. Pretty much every "site" that has 'fight too much' that I have seen was because they gathered data from when before any adaptation was being picked up by anyone. If it bothers you that much, keep it at shuraba.

From what I understand, from listening to the Oreshura advance special (http://www.animeseason.com/ore-no-kanoj ... special-1/ see 15:11), "shuraba" has a very violent connotation. It's a very unusual term to apply to girls fighting over love. But I think Yuji Yuji intentionally used "shuraba" because it is unusual.

In English, it's okay to say two girls are fighting over a boy. It's normal, and it's understood that the fighting is figurative.

However, I'm pretty sure in Japanese, you wouldn't normally say two girls are Shuraba-ing over a boy. In japanese, Shuraba isn't supposed to have a mild figurative expression.

As a matter of fact, I think "shuraba's" closest translation is: "to make carnage" or "a scene of carnage". Normally we would say: "War is carnage" but we wouldn't say "A cat-fight (among girls) is carnage". But that's Yuji Yuji's point. |D

What's my point? I don't like "fighting" as the standard translation for "Shuraba", because it's not intense enough in connotation. It downplays the meaning of Shuraba and it's like converting "screaming" >>> "yelling". Furthermore, Yuji Yuji could have used a milder Japanese word like "fighting" or "competing" instead of Shuraba, but he didn't. That's because he wants the word to be extreme.

Here are my requirements for the translation of Shuraba:

• It must be intense in connotation (at the level of like, battleground or war).
• For the title, Shuraba should have an equivalent verb form. I would also like Shuraba to be contained within the title. Why? Well... Yuji Yuji ends volumes 1 and 2 with using the title of the series in a sentence.
• It's an unusual/unique word (optional; I don't think Shuraba is a very frequently used term)

PS:

It seems like you've been wondering why we've always used "mayhem"? I mostly used it to remain consistent with Larethian who started the project. I'm willing to change it, but whatever we choose, the Shuraba translation needs to be consistent across the entire project.

[Nurin]

I will be very short, and I won't take over the discussion or give some kind of translation to be used, but anyway, what I felt, and Cloud too for what I read from his post before, is that the author used Shuraba (修羅場) wanting to give a real unusual feel to the name, making it looks like, that it's not a normal fight, like Cloud said, if they only fight too much it would be used another simple word, but the first feeling that I had when I first saw the novels and it was what attracted me to read the novels, was the feeling of Carnage that the word 修羅場 gave me. That's the simple why I don't want to be changed into something as fight... Well, just my personal feelings...

[larethian]

'Fight' greatly undermines the word Shuraba and is totally unacceptable.
Don't mean any offense, one should first research the original etymology and the different ways and contexts that it's used in modern Japanese society before quoting J->E definitions. Thanks for your suggestion anyway; I'm sure all these posts took a lot of time.

I know mayhem is far from perfect so I don't mind having it changed to something else; in fact I don't really care much now, but 'fight' is definitely not acceptable. "Hell breaks loose between my girlfriend and childhood friend' is ten times better than 'fight too much', or even 'too much mayhem'. However, the problem with this really smooth and relatively accurate English TL, in fact metaphorically matching to the original Japanese metaphoric intent, is that you can't match the chapters' TL to the title, especially those chapters in volume 1.

[cautr]

'"Hell breaks loose between my girlfriend and childhood friend' However, the problem with this really smooth English TL is that you can't match the chapters' TL to the title, especially those chapters in volume 1.

That really does sound good. And it really would be a problem to match it with the chapter titles. "Childhood Friends Confession breaks Hell loose" sounds really forced. Which is a pity. Seeing how it is a catch-phrase, it can't be varied either. But if it's really that needed, to get the bloody part into the fighting, I'd prefer carnage over mayhem. There's not that much a difference then, but it sounds more natural to me. It's getting subjective then, though. Can't really think of a time, when I heard the word mayhem. Well, aside from law stuff, that is.

[larethian]

Well, actually, on 2nd thoughts, I don't really care about matching chapter titles to the series' title the way the author does it, and neither do I care about English semantics of mayhem or carnage. Reason being, I'm not taking ownership of this series and I can read it natively.
The main translator(s) should be the one(s) to decide whether he wants to go along with your suggestion.

[cautr]

The main translator(s) should be the one(s) to decide whether he wants to go along with your suggestion.

Well, our problem is that neither of us really got a satisfactory answer to the problem. And I'd be really curious how prof. would solve it. I think everyone appreciates every single thought about that problem. So you don't have to care, but you're very welcomed if you do.

EDIT: Would it work if we use "Hell breaks loose" where it applies and just "Hell" where not? TBH I'm too tired right now to comprehend it. Haha. Cautr out.

[cloudii]

The main translator(s) should be the one(s) to decide whether he wants to go along with your suggestion.

Well, our problem is that neither of us really got a satisfactory answer to the problem. And I'd be really curious how prof. would solve it. I think everyone appreciates every single thought about that problem. So you don't have to care, but you're very welcomed if you do.

EDIT: Would it work if we use "Hell breaks loose" where it applies and just "Hell" where not? TBH I'm too tired right now to comprehend it. Haha. Cautr out.

Lare-tan you're amazing! So godly. T__T; xD

Anyways, "Hell" wouldn't work for chapter titles. It would make OreShura sound depressing -fail-:

• Childhood Friend's Confession is Hell
• Highschool Life begins in Hell
• Confession from a Classmate ends in Hell

Well, actually, on 2nd thoughts, I don't really care about matching chapter titles to the series' title the way the author does it, and neither do I care about English semantics of mayhem or carnage. Reason being, I'm not taking ownership of this series and I can read it natively.
The main translator(s) should be the one(s) to decide whether he wants to go along with your suggestion.

Unfortunately, I will continue to be an idealist and see if I can prod a translation we like that matches the Series Title AND the Chapter Titles. If we seriously can't, then we'll talk about that later.

Now here goes another suggestion: havoc

Too Much Havoc between My Girlfriend and Childhood Friend! (or My Girlfriend and Childhood Friend are in Too Much Havoc!) (or Havoc Breaks Loose between my Girlfriend and Childhood friend)

• Childhood Friend's Confession is Havoc
• Highschool Life begins in Havoc
• Confession from a Classmate ends in Havoc

Synonyms of Carnage: slaughter, massacre, mass murder, butchery, bloodbath, bloodletting, gore; holocaust, pogrom, ethnic cleansing.

Synonyms of Mayhem: chaos, disorder, havoc, bedlam, pandemonium, tumult, uproar, turmoil, commotion, all hell broken loose, maelstrom, trouble, disturbance, confusion, riot, anarchy, violence, insanity, madness; informal madhouse.

Synonyms of Fighting: brawl, fracas, melee, rumpus, skirmish, sparring match, struggle, scuffle, altercation, clash, disturbance; fisticuffs; informal scrap, set-to, donnybrook. battle, engagement, clash, conflict, struggle; war, campaign, crusade, action, hostilities.

Synonyms of slaughter: carnage, bloodshed, bloodletting, bloodbath.

And carnage so we can see it for effects: carnage

Too Much Carnage between My Girlfriend and Childhood Friend! (or My Girlfriend and Childhood Friend make too Much Carnage!)

• Childhood Friend's Confession is Carnage
• Highschool Life begins in Carnage
• Confession from a Classmate ends in Carnage

And then Battlefield because that's what the anime/wiki uses: Battlefield

There's a Battlefield Between My Girlfriend and Childhood Friend!

• Childhood Friend's Confession is a Battlefield
• Highschool Life begins in a Battlefield
• Confession from a Classmate ends in a Battlefield

[cautr]

• Childhood Friend's Confession is Hell
• Highschool Life begins in Hell
• Confession from a Classmate ends in Hell

Actually: Childhood Friend's Confession Hell (no is), Highschool Life begins with Hell breaking loose, Confession from a Classmate leads to Hell breaking loose.

Rather like that, less depressing.

Well, actually, on 2nd thoughts, I don't really care about matching chapter titles to the series' title the way the author does it, and neither do I care about English semantics of mayhem or carnage. Reason being, I'm not taking ownership of this series and I can read it natively.
The main translator(s) should be the one(s) to decide whether he wants to go along with your suggestion.

Now here goes another suggestion: havoc

I like that one even more than carnage, but less than hell. Hell sounds more exaggerated and therefore funny, you know. I'd use this as: Childhood Friend's Confession Havoc, High School Life begins in Havoc, ...well, same as you.

And lastly: Childhood Friend's Confession Carnage, High School Life begins in... rest as you. Battlefield's a no-no IMO.

EDIT: I finished editing #0 of vol1. The probably most crucial thing I did was replacing the bold text with normal Jap. quotes and the Jap quotes with apostrophes. I believe the bold text was supposed to be striking, and as bold text is never used in a novel, except for titles/headlines, I used the Jap. quotes as a compromise (they'd be wrong, too, if I'd be consequent). That's my thinking behind that. There was nothing else, which was crucial IMO. I know that you like it as pure as possible, Okashira. So I did my best to keep that in mind. I hope you like it. Or at least are cool with it. If not we should settle down on something else. If you're wondering why some stuff in the quotes is italic, why other is not, that's due to those lines being actual "sentences" while other stuff is just single words or terms. Just did it for outline's sake. If it's too confusing, that can of course be undone. Um, yeah, that's it.

[inaban]

'Fight' greatly undermines the word Shuraba and is totally unacceptable.
Don't mean any offense, one should first research the original etymology and the different ways and contexts that it's used in modern Japanese society before quoting J->E definitions. Thanks for your suggestion anyway; I'm sure all these posts took a lot of time.

I know mayhem is far from perfect so I don't mind having it changed to something else; in fact I don't really care much now, but 'fight' is definitely not acceptable. "Hell breaks loose between my girlfriend and childhood friend' is ten times better than 'fight too much', or even 'too much mayhem'. However, the problem with this really smooth and relatively accurate English TL, in fact metaphorically matching to the original Japanese metaphoric intent, is that you can't match the chapters' TL to the title, especially those chapters in volume 1.

Yea even when I wrote that I understood fight was a bit underwhelming when compared to the actual word, it's just that mayhem seemed a bit much. The battlefield and hell points sounded nice too, much better than fight probably. But in the end it's up to the T/L to decide what to do, hope my previous post didn't come off in the wrong way, just wanted to help out ^^

[cloudii]

The only thing that makes me slightly hesitant about using "Hell Breaks Out" is that it's a little unwieldy to use consistently in general translation. Yuji Yuji uses the word "Shuraba" in the middle of sentences sometimes (ex: "A story of me getting caught up in a place where Shuraba reigns." from V1C0)

I'd preferably like to have a single word translation term that I can fall back to in general.

EDIT: I finished editing #0 of vol1. The probably most crucial thing I did was replacing the bold text with normal Jap. quotes and the Jap quotes with apostrophes. I believe the bold text was supposed to be striking, and as bold text is never used in a novel, except for titles/headlines, I used the Jap. quotes as a compromise (they'd be wrong, too, if I'd be consequent). That's my thinking behind that. There was nothing else, which was crucial IMO. I know that you like it as pure as possible, Okashira. So I did my best to keep that in mind. I hope you like it. Or at least are cool with it. If not we should settle down on something else. If you're wondering why some stuff in the quotes is italic, why other is not, that's due to those lines being actual "sentences" while other stuff is just single words or terms. Just did it for outline's sake. If it's too confusing, that can of course be undone. Um, yeah, that's it.

I'm just going to point out that you left some bold text... idk if you did that intentionally?

So to be honest, I didn't pay attention to the types of quotes Yuji Yuji used until very recently... so I'm not entirely clear if we've consistently done bold for double japanese quotes. I'm going to show you where the quotes lie on my Chinese source. Single quotes are bold. Double quotes are bold and underlined:

Spoiler! :

— In my case, even though they are flowers, they are more like flower sparks!

It was during the afterschool hours in early June, right after the seasonal change of clothing.
I was standing on the rooftop of the darkening school premise.
Before me was a girl in the same grade as me.
Harusaki Chiwa.
I've been hanging out with her since first grade. In other words, she's the so-called childhood friend.
High school year one. Age 15.
Her short stature only reached up to my shoulders. Two flicks of long hair on both sides were fastened with ribbons, which made it resemble the ears of a dog. Her big, round eyes were, for some reason, innocent-looking like those of a puppy. Her skirt, with some evidence of it still being new remaining, fluttered in the wind.
Tiny.
Cute.
But deplorable.
First, her eyes were deplorable.
Attached to an inverse triangular shape, they were bloodshot. It seemed like she could kill with her gaze. Those upturned eyes were glaring at me, as I stood facing her.
Also, the air around her was deplorable.
Her veins were showing on her temples. Haah, haah, she panted like a beast. Her violent aura was as much as to say, 'I just stabbed a person. It won't make a difference if I make it two now. Aah? Nii-chan'.
No matter how I looked at it, she was too tensed up.
That tensed up Chiwa pointed her tiny finger towards me,

"I-I'm going to co-confesshyu!"

"..."
Right at the beginning this fella had stuttered.
"Even when I talk about confessing, I'm not talking about 'I actually failed!' or 'The person who ate the shortcake was me!'."
Who would actually take the trouble to call me up to the rooftop to talk about these things?
"The confession I'm talking about i-is a l-love confession."
I heaved a large sigh.
As I squinted my eyes due to the rays of the setting sun, I calmed myself.
"I got it. Let me hear your feelings."
"Y-Yesh!"
'Suuhaa, suuhaa' , Chiwa took a few deep breaths.
"...Can you wait for a while?"
"What now?"
"Wait for a while, just wait for a while."
Chiwa went to the entrance of the rooftop to retrieve the belongings she had left there.
What she took out from the leather bag, was a Shinai[2].
By the way, Chiwa was not a member of the Kendo[3] Club. While she did Kendo until ninth grade, she didn't carry on in high school[4].
Yet, she adopted a middle-stance with the Shinai she had brought for some reason.
"Alright, I'm set!"
"No, you aren't?!"
"But, I feel calmer like this."
Indeed, her nervousness had left her.
Her expression had also become relaxed.
"Hnnnnn! Somehow, I can feel my tension swelling up! Prepare yourself!"
"Hey, isn't this a confession? A love confession, right?!"
My body sensed danger and I backed off.
"That's right, it's a confession. Ki-eeeeee!"
In a splendid manner, Chiwa shuffled her feet forward and closed in.
"W-Wait, wait! What kind of girl would brandish a Shinai while confessing?!"
"Don't sweat it. Even my sensei from before once said, 'don't fuss too much over the form' ."
Of course I would fuss over it! It's my life here!
"B-but, didn't you give up on the sword? Aren't you going to walk the path of romance? Didn't you say that you wanted to have a love life like those in shoujo manga[5]?!"
I desperately tried to persuade her.
To think that a love confession could be this dangerous...
"...I got it."
Chiwa lowered her Shinai.
"Sorry. Let's redo it. I'll get it right this time."
Chiwa stiffened herself and looked up at me.
Her black eyes were gooey-looking like those of a puppy.
Her soft-looking hair fluttered in the wind.
Her small hands grasped her skirt and then released it nervously.
...Uhn, high quality indeed.
From her appearance, it was quite unbelievable that she had no boyfriend up until now.
"Erm, hey. Ei-kun[6]..."
Ei-kun.
That's how Chiwa addresses me, Kidou Eita.
'It's embarrassing, so please stop' , I've told her that umpteen times, but she never did stop, even until today.
"Ei-kun, I can still remember the time when you were in fourth grade... while carrying your lunch to the classroom, you fell and got smeared with curry, and as a result, you got the nickname ｢Careless Indian｣."
"...Aah."
Hahaha.
That was a good old 'story that was still funny today' to bring up between the two of us.
"I know that in fifth grade, when you couldn't hold it in any longer, you dashed into the women's toilet, and consequently, for the entire second term, you were called ｢Women's Toilet Overdrive｣."
"Gufu..."
I clutched my stomach and my knees buckled to the ground.
Th-That nickname... is unbecoming for a joke you know, Chiwa.
"And during summer vacation in sixth grade, you hid the pornbook, 'Doppyun Serenade'[7], which you picked up from under the bridge, in a puppy's kennel."
"Please stoooooooooop! I beg you, forgive meeeeeeeeeee!"
I'm already.
I'm already on the verge of tears.
Dug out.
My dark history has been dug out...
"I really love the Ei-kun who did all this."
"Stop lying?!"
What kind of maniac hobbies do you have?
With a seemingly perplexed look, Chiwa said,
"What do you mean by lying? I really..."
"What are you planning to do by exposing my past? Is there a confession that deals out such a blow of mental damage?"
"But the manga said that this would go well! ｢This fella can actually remember all these things to such an extent!｣, ｢Because, I've been always watching you ☆｣, it said."
No...
While I don't know the contents of that manga, words like 'women's toilet' and 'Doppyun Serenade' shouldn't appear in it.
"Anyway, it's a love confession, right? You should be praising my strengths, right? Such as, ｢You're always studying earnestly｣. Or like ｢You scored the highest in the recent mid-terms｣."
Hm, Chiwa folded her arms and looked away.
"Because that's all boring."
"What do you mean by boring! Isn't it the duty of a student to study?!"
"I preferred the idiot Ei-kun in middle school, though."
"I even took such great pains to become your practicing partner, so what's with that attitude?!"
"What's with that belittling look?! Even when you're younger than me!"
"Only by three months and ten days! How long are you going to act like a big sister, this ｢Deplorable chiwawa[8]｣!"
And at that moment.

"That should be enough, both of you."

A girl stepped out from the shadow of the water tank.
Her long silver hair danced in the wind.
She gazed at us with her clear, blue eyes.
Her skin was white like powdered snow, and her lips were lustrous looking like cherries.
With foreign blood mixed in, this fairy-like beauty— if Chiwa could be considered 'ordinarily cute', then this fella could be called 'incredibly beautiful'. A princess who hogged many treasures which many girls would be unable to lay their hands on, no matter how much they wished for them.
My classmate Natsukawa Masuzu.
Fuu, she breathed out as she tilted her head,
"Is it really impossible for Eita-kun to be the practicing partner of a love confession, I wonder?"
"That's why I said that right from the beginning, didn't I?!"
— And so, well.
In short, the series of confessions just now were all a 'play'.
The conceited Chiwa who loved to act tough and has a muscle-filled brain, was now practicing for the sake of becoming a 'Super Popular' girl with a love life like those found in shoujo manga. Training. Learning through an experience.
And I was pulled into the role of the partner for this special training arranged by Masuzu.
If I am going into the details of how things had gotten so complicated bit by bit—
"What a shame, Harusaki-san. Even after I went to such great lengths to lend you my boyfriend."
Masuzu winked as she clung onto my right arm.
*Biki*, veins popped out from Chiwa's temples,
Oreshura v01 015.jpg

"Th-that's my bad, Natsukawa Masuzu. What's so good about Ei-kun, I totally don't get it!"
That's right.
It's unbelievable, but this incredibly beautiful girl, Masuzu, is my girlfriend.
...Well, she's not just any 'girlfriend', though.
But that's kept secret from Chiwa.
"If you can't comprehend the charm of Eita-kun, then your dream of becoming super popular will just remain a dream, you know?"
While giving a sidelong glance to Chiwa, Masuzu pressed against me even closer.
"O-oi! Don't get so close to me, it's stifling."
"You're as shy as always. I also like that about you."
This...
Don't get ahead of yourself, Masuzu.
I'll definitely not yield to the allure of a woman.
Your hair doesn't smell good!
Your breath against my ear doesn't feel ticklish!
Not to mention that your soft and squishy bulges are not tooouching my arm!
Uwah.
Oooh.

"Ei~-ku~n?"

I returned to my senses from my brief and momentary reverie.
Biting her lower lip, Chiwa glared at me with her upturned eyes.
Scary...
Who was it? Who was the one who gave this fella the nickname, 'Chiwawa'?
She's a Tosa[9] however you look at it, right?
"Don't you— don't you— don't you dare to make out in front of me!"
"But, we're a lovey-dovey couple. A lovey-dovey couple. A lovey-dovey couple."
Why did you say it three times?!
"Hm. It's not good to lie, Natsukawa Masuzu. Lovey-dovey? Where? Ei-kun is breaking out in cold sweat, isn't he? No matter how you look at it, he's being pressured, right?!"
"No, the main cause behind my cold sweat is the pressure of the rage you're emitting."
...But I didn't say that.
Life is precious.
"Oh. Isn't this modesty part of Eita-kuns charm? You're still a child though, so you wouldn't be able to understand."
With her eyes shining mischievously, Masuzu enthusiastically entwined her arms around mine.
Chiwa's face became increasingly more drawn.
"A-Aren't you the one with a strange preference?"
"Oh. I don't want to hear that kind of comment from a person who still likes to wear teddy bear panties even though she's already a first-year."
No, no.
The last time when Chiwa wore such panties was when she was in fourth grade, you know.
There's no way she's still wearing—
"W-W-W-W-What's wrong with that?!"
*waai*
She self-destructed—
"Because I like teddy bears..."
Seeing the tearful eyes of Chiwa, '｢Oh dear｣, Masuzu began to shake her head,
"As much as you may like them, you can't attract the attention of gentlemen with them, you know?"
"I-I've never thought of attracting them with my panties! Besides, I'm not a pervert!"
"Nope. As a lady, to ensure that we are always ready when our beloved invites us to spend the night together, we must constantly have our best lingerie on us."
"In that case, teddies will do just fine! They're cute, right?!"
"That will only be forgivable if you are an elementary school student. Just as one would expect, a high school student has to battle it out with ｢black｣. Right? Eita-kun?"
"Eh?"
She directed that at me?
"Eita-kun, what you love is the black color that can bring out the sexiness of an adult, right?"
"Teddies are cute right? It suits me, right?"
Masuzu's smiling face, Chiwa's teary eyes; both of them sidled up to me.
I scratched my temple,
"No, if my lover was either of you, regardless of your lingerie, I would pass."
"Aah?"
"Huh?"
"...Nothing."
I kept quiet after I felt their glares fixated on me with intimidating eyes.
It's only during times like these that they're totally in sync, huh?
"Jeez Eita-kun, you're surprisingly curt today, aren't you? You should just act like always, going 'Masuzu-chan's opanchu,[10] I wonder what today's will be like. Yahoo!' while you roll around on the ground, you know?"
"I've never done anything like that before!"
"E-Ei-kun, you always do that kind of thing?!"
"Like I said, I don't!"
"The perpetrator denies it."
"Who are you calling a perpetrator?! Even as a joke, is that something you would say to your boyfriend?!"
"...I'm sorry."
Masuzu apologized meekly.
"Those wicked words were not what I truly meant. It's a bad habit I picked up— so to speak, a folly of my youth."
"What's that?"
Masuzu spoke as she lowered her eyes.
"When I was in middle school, there was a time when I aspired to be like a character from a certain manga. A beauty with a wicked tongue and an air of bewitching sexual appeal that floated around her. Wanting to become someone like that, I mimicked her mannerisms and way of speaking. And that still remains in me."
"...Hahaa. I see."
Well, it's not like I don't understand.
I also, a long time ago, had aspired to be like the nihilistic antagonist of a shounen manga[11] and had mimicked his way of speaking and rude actions. Even though I was really a squib who can't even litter.
"Therefore, there is really no deeper meaning behind my wicked words. So just let them pass without taking them too seriously, OK, Mr. Half-Price Bento[12]?"
"What's with that nickname?!"
"It means you are someone who goes for foodstuffs that are on the verge of expiring."
"Seems like there's an incredibly deep meaning to it!"
How can I let that pass without taking it seriously?
It's impossible no matter how tolerant one is...
"Ei-kun. What in the world do you like about this woman? Don't tell me you're a masochist?"
Asked Chiwa with her eyes watery.
"Well? I really... have no idea myself..."
I gazed into the distant setting sun, and I could only leave my body to the raging wind.
"It's really simple, Harusaki-san."
Masuzu grinned.
"What Eita-kun really wants is just my body."
"I beg you, stop talking alreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

— This is, well, something like that.
A story of me getting caught up in a place where mayhem reigns.

In summary:
The double quotes are used for quotes within quotes. They are not used as a point of added emphasis. As a result, there's no reason to use apostrophe for single quotes, and Japanese quotes for double quotes.

For all practicality, the quotes are used either for emphasis or to mark a quote within within someone's speech or narrative.

Here's my suggestion:
-Use japanese quotes for very long sub-quotes that break up the sentence. I personally prefer this because the apostrophes get very confusing... especially when there's a lot of sub-thoughts within a quote.
-Use italics to mark the short quotes that are used for emphasis (if you really dislike bold that much), plus the apostrophes. For example: Chihuahua is a 'deplorable' childhood friend.

Maybe something like this? (The bold is still here for now so you can spot the changes easily):

Spoiler! :

— In my case, even though they are flowers, they are more like 'flower sparks'!

It was during the afterschool hours in early June, right after the seasonal change of clothing.
I was standing on the rooftop of the darkening school premise.
Before me was a girl in the same grade as me.
Harusaki Chiwa.
I've been hanging out with her since first grade. In other words, she's the so-called 'childhood friend'.
High school year one. Age 15.
Her short stature only reached up to my shoulders. Two flicks of long hair on both sides were fastened with ribbons, which made it resemble the ears of a dog. Her big, round eyes were, for some reason, innocent-looking like those of a puppy. Her skirt, with some evidence of it still being new remaining, fluttered in the wind.
Tiny.
Cute.
But 'deplorable'.
First, her eyes were deplorable.
Attached to an inverse triangular shape, they were bloodshot. It seemed like she could kill with her gaze. Those upturned eyes were glaring at me, as I stood facing her.
Also, the air around her was deplorable.
Her veins were showing on her temples. ｢Haah, haah｣, she panted like a beast. Her violent aura was as much as to say, ｢I just stabbed a person. It won't make a difference if I make it two now. Aah? Nii-chan｣.
No matter how I looked at it, she was too tensed up.
That tensed up Chiwa pointed her tiny finger towards me,

"I-I'm going to co-confesshyu!"

"..."
Right at the beginning this fella had stuttered.
"Even when I talk about confessing, I'm not talking about ｢I actually failed!｣ or ｢The person who ate the shortcake was me!｣."
Who would actually take the trouble to call me up to the rooftop to talk about these things?
"The confession I'm talking about i-is a l-love confession."
I heaved a large sigh.
As I squinted my eyes due to the rays of the setting sun, I calmed myself.
"I got it. Let me hear your feelings."
"Y-Yesh!"
'Suuhaa, suuhaa' , Chiwa took a few deep breaths.
"...Can you wait for a while?"
"What now?"
"Wait for a while, just wait for a while."
Chiwa went to the entrance of the rooftop to retrieve the belongings she had left there.
What she took out from the leather bag, was a Shinai[2].
By the way, Chiwa was not a member of the Kendo[3] Club. While she did Kendo until ninth grade, she didn't carry on in high school[4].
Yet, she adopted a middle-stance with the Shinai she had brought for some reason.
"Alright, I'm set!"
"No, you aren't?!"
"But, I feel calmer like this."
Indeed, her nervousness had left her.
Her expression had also become relaxed.
"Hnnnnn! Somehow, I can feel my tension swelling up! Prepare yourself!"
"Hey, isn't this a confession? A love confession, right?!"
My body sensed danger and I backed off.
"That's right, it's a confession. Ki-eeeeee!"
In a splendid manner, Chiwa shuffled her feet forward and closed in.
"W-Wait, wait! What kind of girl would brandish a Shinai while confessing?!"
"Don't sweat it. Even my sensei from before once said, 'don't fuss too much over the form' ."
Of course I would fuss over it! It's my life here!
"B-but, didn't you give up on the sword? Aren't you going to walk the path of romance? Didn't you say that you wanted to have a ｢love life like those in shoujo manga｣[5]?!"
I desperately tried to persuade her.
To think that a love confession could be this dangerous...
"...I got it."
Chiwa lowered her Shinai.
"Sorry. Let's redo it. I'll get it right this time."
Chiwa stiffened herself and looked up at me.
Her black eyes were gooey-looking like those of a puppy.
Her soft-looking hair fluttered in the wind.
Her small hands grasped her skirt and then released it nervously.
...Uhn, high quality indeed.
From her appearance, it was quite unbelievable that she had no boyfriend up until now.
"Erm, hey. Ei-kun[6]..."
Ei-kun.
That's how Chiwa addresses me, Kidou Eita.
'It's embarrassing, so please stop' , I've told her that umpteen times, but she never did stop, even until today.
"Ei-kun, I can still remember the time when you were in fourth grade... while carrying your lunch to the classroom, you fell and got smeared with curry, and as a result, you got the nickname 'Careless Indian'."
"...Aah."
Hahaha.
That was ｢a good old 'story that was still funny today｣ to bring up between the two of us.
"I know that in fifth grade, when you couldn't hold it in any longer, you dashed into the women's toilet, and consequently, for the entire second term, you were called 'Women's Toilet Overdrive'."
"Gufu..."
I clutched my stomach and my knees buckled to the ground.
Th-That nickname... is unbecoming for a joke you know, Chiwa.
"And during summer vacation in sixth grade, you hid the pornbook, ｢Doppyun Serenade｣[7], which you picked up from under the bridge, in a puppy's kennel."
"Please stoooooooooop! I beg you, forgive meeeeeeeeeee!"
I'm already.
I'm already on the verge of tears.
Dug out.
My dark history has been dug out...
"I really love the Ei-kun who did all this."
"Stop lying?!"
What kind of maniac hobbies do you have?
With a seemingly perplexed look, Chiwa said,
"What do you mean by lying? I really..."
"What are you planning to do by exposing my past? Is there a confession that deals out such a blow of mental damage?"
"But the manga said that this would go well! ｢This fella can actually remember all these things to such an extent!｣, ｢Because, I've been always watching you ☆｣, it said."
No...
While I don't know the contents of that manga, words like 'women's toilet' and 'Doppyun Serenade' shouldn't appear in it.
"Anyway, it's a love confession, right? You should be praising my strengths, right? Such as, ｢You're always studying earnestly｣. Or like ｢You scored the highest in the recent mid-terms｣."
Hm, Chiwa folded her arms and looked away.
"Because that's all boring."
"What do you mean by boring! Isn't it the duty of a student to study?!"
"I preferred the idiot Ei-kun in middle school, though."
"I even took such great pains to become your practicing partner, so what's with that attitude?!"
"What's with that belittling look?! Even when you're younger than me!"
"Only by three months and ten days! How long are you going to act like a big sister, this 'Deplorable chiwawa'[8]!"
And at that moment.

"That should be enough, both of you."

A girl stepped out from the shadow of the water tank.
Her long silver hair danced in the wind.
She gazed at us with her clear, blue eyes.
Her skin was white like powdered snow, and her lips were lustrous looking like cherries.
With foreign blood mixed in, this fairy-like beauty— if Chiwa could be considered 'ordinarily cute', then this fella could be called 'incredibly beautiful'. A princess who hogged many treasures which many girls would be unable to lay their hands on, no matter how much they wished for them.
My classmate Natsukawa Masuzu.
Fuu, she breathed out as she tilted her head,
"Is it really impossible for Eita-kun to be the practicing partner of a love confession, I wonder?"
"That's why I said that right from the beginning, didn't I?!"
— And so, well.
In short, the series of confessions just now were all a 'play'.
The conceited Chiwa who loved to act tough and has a muscle-filled brain, was now practicing for the sake of becoming a 'Super Popular' girl with a love life like those found in shoujo manga. Training. Learning through an experience.
And I was pulled into the role of the partner for this special training arranged by Masuzu.
If I am going into the details of how things had gotten so complicated bit by bit—
"What a shame, Harusaki-san. Even after I went to such great lengths to lend you my boyfriend."
Masuzu winked as she clung onto my right arm.
*Biki*, veins popped out from Chiwa's temples,
Oreshura v01 015.jpg

"Th-that's my bad, Natsukawa Masuzu. What's so good about Ei-kun, I totally don't get it!"
That's right.
It's unbelievable, but this incredibly beautiful girl, Masuzu, is my girlfriend.
...Well, she's not just any 'girlfriend', though.
But that's kept secret from Chiwa.
"If you can't comprehend the charm of Eita-kun, then your dream of becoming super popular will just remain a dream, you know?"
While giving a sidelong glance to Chiwa, Masuzu pressed against me even closer.
"O-oi! Don't get so close to me, it's stifling."
"You're as shy as always. I also like that about you."
This...
Don't get ahead of yourself, Masuzu.
I'll definitely not yield to the allure of a woman.
Your hair doesn't smell good!
Your breath against my ear doesn't feel ticklish!
Not to mention that your soft and squishy bulges are not tooouching my arm!
Uwah.
Oooh.

"Ei~-ku~n?"

I returned to my senses from my brief and momentary reverie.
Biting her lower lip, Chiwa glared at me with her upturned eyes.
Scary...
Who was it? Who was the one who gave this fella the nickname, 'Chiwawa'?
She's a Tosa[9] however you look at it, right?
"Don't you— don't you— don't you dare to make out in front of me!"
"But, we're a lovey-dovey couple. A lovey-dovey couple. A lovey-dovey couple."
Why did you say it three times?!
"Hm. It's not good to lie, Natsukawa Masuzu. Lovey-dovey? Where? Ei-kun is breaking out in cold sweat, isn't he? No matter how you look at it, he's being pressured, right?!"
"No, the main cause behind my cold sweat is the pressure of the rage you're emitting."
...But I didn't say that.
Life is precious.
"Oh. Isn't this modesty part of Eita-kuns charm? You're still a child though, so you wouldn't be able to understand."
With her eyes shining mischievously, Masuzu enthusiastically entwined her arms around mine.
Chiwa's face became increasingly more drawn.
"A-Aren't you the one with a strange preference?"
"Oh. I don't want to hear that kind of comment from a person who still likes to wear teddy bear panties even though she's already a first-year."
No, no.
The last time when Chiwa wore such panties was when she was in fourth grade, you know.
There's no way she's still wearing—
"W-W-W-W-What's wrong with that?!"
*waai*
She self-destructed—
"Because I like teddy bears..."
Seeing the tearful eyes of Chiwa, '｢Oh dear｣, Masuzu began to shake her head,
"As much as you may like them, you can't attract the attention of gentlemen with them, you know?"
"I-I've never thought of attracting them with my panties! Besides, I'm not a pervert!"
"Nope. As a lady, to ensure that we are always ready when our beloved invites us to spend the night together, we must constantly have our best lingerie on us."
"In that case, teddies will do just fine! They're cute, right?!"
"That will only be forgivable if you are an elementary school student. Just as one would expect, a high school student has to battle it out with 'black'｣. Right? Eita-kun?"
"Eh?"
She directed that at me?
"Eita-kun, what you love is the black color that can bring out the sexiness of an adult, right?"
"Teddies are cute right? It suits me, right?"
Masuzu's smiling face, Chiwa's teary eyes; both of them sidled up to me.
I scratched my temple,
"No, if my lover was either of you, regardless of your lingerie, I would pass."
"Aah?"
"Huh?"
"...Nothing."
I kept quiet after I felt their glares fixated on me with intimidating eyes.
It's only during times like these that they're totally in sync, huh?
"Jeez Eita-kun, you're surprisingly curt today, aren't you? You should just act like always, going ｢Masuzu-chan's opanchu,[10] I wonder what today's will be like. Yahoo!｣ while you roll around on the ground, you know?"
"I've never done anything like that before!"
"E-Ei-kun, you always do that kind of thing?!"
"Like I said, I don't!"
"The perpetrator denies it."
"Who are you calling a perpetrator?! Even as a joke, is that something you would say to your boyfriend?!"
"...I'm sorry."
Masuzu apologized meekly.
"Those wicked words were not what I truly meant. It's a bad habit I picked up— so to speak, a folly of my youth."
"What's that?"
Masuzu spoke as she lowered her eyes.
"When I was in middle school, there was a time when I aspired to be like a character from a certain manga. A beauty with a wicked tongue and an air of bewitching sexual appeal that floated around her. Wanting to become someone like that, I mimicked her mannerisms and way of speaking. And that still remains in me."
"...Hahaa. I see."
Well, it's not like I don't understand.
I also, a long time ago, had aspired to be like the nihilistic antagonist of a shounen manga[11] and had mimicked his way of speaking and rude actions. Even though I was really a squib who can't even litter.
"Therefore, there is really no deeper meaning behind my wicked words. So just let them pass without taking them too seriously, OK, Mr. Half-Price Bento[12]?"
"What's with that nickname?!"
"It means you are someone who goes for foodstuffs that are on the verge of expiring."
"Seems like there's an incredibly deep meaning to it!"
How can I let that pass without taking it seriously?
It's impossible no matter how tolerant one is...
"Ei-kun. What in the world do you like about this woman? Don't tell me you're a masochist?"
Asked Chiwa with her eyes watery.
"Well? I really... have no idea myself..."
I gazed into the distant setting sun, and I could only leave my body to the raging wind.
"It's really simple, Harusaki-san."
Masuzu grinned.
"What Eita-kun really wants is just my body."
"I beg you, stop talking alreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

— This is, well, something like that.
A story of me getting caught up in a place where mayhem reigns.

[cautr]

Well, that's certainly right with the double-quotes and I will change that tomorrow. After I read I was like "Well, those don't seem striking, they're just to use something different for within direct speech!" and there you go. Yes bold text just doesn't belong into text. Italic is commonly used for emphasis. I don't know where a whole sentence'd need emphasis, but I may come to this. For the Jap. quotes on quotes within speech: I see the point, and I first did it like this, then I was like 'holy crap there's double-lined-quotes!' and did it like that. Well, to be changed tomorrow, first (or second) thing in the morning. I'll keep it consistent like that from there on.

EDIT: Oh well, corrected it right away... I'm really satisfied with the composition at it is, I hope so you are. What do you guys say to URL shortening? So that the headline of Chapter 0'd be OreShura: Volume 1 Chapter 0, I won't bother doing it, if you don't like it, cause it's irreversible. Among other things I do it for wiki-intern linking. Try n find a link in the dropdown-menu with that lengthy name.

Also, cloud, the one word you're looking for would be Hell in that case. If you used it several times in a non-dark context as hell breaks loose, it doesn't draw the dark image in the readers mind anymore, I think.

[cloudii]

EDIT: Oh well, corrected it right away... I'm really satisfied with the composition at it is, I hope so you are. What do you guys say to URL shortening? So that the headline of Chapter 0'd be OreShura: Volume 1 Chapter 0, I won't bother doing it, if you don't like it, cause it's irreversible. Among other things I do it for wiki-intern linking. Try n find a link in the dropdown-menu with that lengthy name.

Also, cloud, the one word you're looking for would be Hell in that case. If you used it several times in a non-dark context as hell breaks loose, it doesn't draw the dark image in the readers mind anymore, I think.

I sure hope you felt the composition of chapter 0 was satisfactory. xDDD I edited it once already before you got to it so.... I hope my language ability is decent. So yes, I am very satisfied with Chapter 0. The sloppy grammar and so forth should start picking up after Chapter 5. A lot of random passerby's have corrected many small mistakes, but I'm I sure there's plenty more for you edit.

I don't mind URL shortening. However, quick question: is there a way to preserve the history of edits from these pages? I'd like to keep Larethian's original translation and the history of edits prior to the move if possible. Is that do-able?

Also, cloud, the one word you're looking for would be Hell in that case. If you used it several times in a non-dark context as hell breaks loose, it doesn't draw the dark image in the readers mind anymore, I think.

Let's wait and see what Okashira thinks. xD Personally, I'm not the biggest fan of using "Hell" without "breaking loose". But maybe that's me being overzealously demanding and self-absorbed. |D Maybe it's more accurate to say I'm looking for a word that, as soon as you say it, you know (instantly) that the original japanese is "Shuraba" (and hence is a reference to the title). Thus, when we translate:

(Moreover, this was fundamentally the route to Shuraba!) to (Moreover, this was fundamentally the route to Hell!) --from V1C4

Ideally, we'd want it so that the reader can tell that Yuji is making an allusion to the title, and not just using "hell" as a figure of speech.

~wahhhh~ idk. From now on, whatever words we come up with have to pass the following tests:

Code: Select all

-My Girlfriend and Childhood Friend SHURABA Too Much
-Highschool Life begins in SHURABA
-It's the Epilogue yet it's Merciless SHURABA
-A story of me getting caught up in a place where SHURABA reigns!
-Moreover, this was fundamentally the route to SHURABA!
-After this month's SHURABA, I had already given up.

[cautr]

I sure hope you felt the composition of chapter 0 was satisfactory. xDDD I edited it once already before you got to it so.... I hope my language ability is decent. So yes, I am very satisfied with Chapter 0. The sloppy grammar and so forth should start picking up after Chapter 5. A lot of random passerby's have corrected many small mistakes, but I'm I sure there's plenty more for you edit.

Ah, no. I meant the optic of the text. I'm sure that the text wasn't as raw as it gets. Just meant that the format's now pretty likeable, IMO.

I don't mind URL shortening. However, quick question: is there a way to preserve the history of edits from these pages? I'd like to keep Larethian's original translation and the history of edits prior to the move if possible. Is that do-able?

That happens automatically. The page with everything it's got gets 'moved'.

The test sounds fair, I'll give it some thought later.

EDIT: Was havoc disregarded now? Still like it.