Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance

[chancs]

You'll need someone to proof and edit, or KuroiHikari will cry buckets of blood.

Be my guest~.

Can you also paste the text in which you have doubt under the hidden note? This way, the others who have knowledge/experience in Chinese translations can help with it.

[Crowley Touma]

Is this good enough:

Spoiler! :

On Velsaria Eva's body was engraved a cursed seal.

All this time she used <skill name untranslated, assuming some kind healing spell>'s power, a demonstration of <Yunna?>'s strength, thus eliminating the cursed seal in her heart. But due to years of corruption, instant recovery is impossible.

It is unknown how many years it will take for her powers to recover.

Also, even when the effect of the cursed seal wears off, her crimes will not go clean.

Ellis and Kamito walked to the academy gate to see Velsaria off, now taken in custody by dozens of Spirit Knights.

Standing in front of the carriage, Velsaria had a very peaceful look.

Due to the cursed seal, it appears her energy was eroded little by little.

But the current her was no longer an icy knight, but more like a normal girl.

Velsaria lowered her head toward her sister and said: “... Ellis, I am sorry.”

“Please raise your head, onee-sama. I will always wait for you.”

Velsaria lightly nodded, then turned toward Kamito.

“I will leave my little sister with you, she is an idiot but she is very charming.”

“Ah, ah, I know.”

Ellis blushed, “Ka, Kamito? Onee-sama too?”


Patting Ellis lightly on the head, Velsaria got onto the carriage. “Ellis, I will wish you the best success for the Sword Dance.”

Kamito and Ellis waited at the carriage stop until the carriage vanished in the horizon.

“... Kamito, thank you, thank you for saving Onee-sama.”

Kamito shook his head, “It wasn't me, Ellis saved her.”

“...”

The two remained strangely silent for a long time.

“So, Kamito, in regard to the day before the <Valentia Holy Festival>.”

“Oh?”

Ellis produced a well wrapped box from under her clothes.

It was an extremely well made box wrapped in a ribbon.

“This is?”

Some phrases will surely need to be rechecked, as I did a bit of guestimate.

[ArchmageXin]

I will post the Chinese text as I go a long, but some of them are bit gibberish post-translated from Japanese.~

Also, that looks decent. You can replace my text on the wiki if you like.

I will continue to finish the epilogue (ETA complete in two days), then work on the previous chapters until V-3 is finished. Then I will probably leave the rest for someone else

[Crowley Touma]

I applied some of the changes to the wiki one, but could you please recheck the second paragraph? Its meaning really bugs me.
BTW, if the epilogue is incomplete, could you consider noting it on the translation page or on the main page?

[ArchmageXin]

I applied some of the changes to the wiki one, but could you please recheck the second paragraph? Its meaning really bugs me.
BTW, if the epilogue is incomplete, could you consider noting it on the translation page or on the main page?

I will do it when I get home

All this time she used <skill name untranslated, assuming some kind healing spell>'s power, a demonstration of <Yunna?>'s strength, thus eliminating the cursed seal in her heart. But due to years of corruption, instant recovery is impossible.

How bout this for those who are not stickler to the exact translation?

"As a testament to Yunna's prowess, the cursed seal was eliminated by the <healing wave>. But due to years of corruption, complete recovery is impossible."

[Crowley Touma]

How bout this for those who are not stickler to the exact translation?

"As a testament to Yunna's prowess, the cursed seal was eliminated by the <healing wave>. But due to years of corruption, complete recovery is impossible."

I would rather put this to:

As a testament of «Yunna»'s prowess, using the power of «Healing Wave», she erased the cursed seal in her heart. But due to years of corruption, instant recovery was impossible.

Is this close enough to the exact translation?

[ArchmageXin]

How bout this for those who are not stickler to the exact translation?

"As a testament to Yunna's prowess, the cursed seal was eliminated by the <healing wave>. But due to years of corruption, complete recovery is impossible."

I would rather put this to:

As a testament of «Yunna»'s prowess, using the power of «Healing Wave», she erased the cursed seal in her heart. But due to years of corruption, instant recovery was impossible.

Is this close enough to the exact translation?

It is close, the reason I decide to go loose is of several reasons:

1) The healing skill clearly have the word (sword) embedded in it, which somewhat make sense in certain eastern arts (I.E the sword that slice the seal off the heart), but it feels weird in English.

2) It was not corruption, but rather "accumulation". The line make sense in chinese, but not in English since it did not state what was accumulated.

3) Your translation is good, but I would replace "curse seal in her heart" to "cursed seal in Verlisa's heart", since unless the plot is different than I expected, Yunna shouldn't have a seal in her heart. However, since V's name was mentioned immediately in the sentence right before this, I think "The cursed seal was eliminated by the healing wave" would be better for the sentence flow (I.E avoid double mentioning Verslia's name twice so quickly).

[Crowley Touma]

It is close, the reason I decide to go loose is of several reasons:

1) The healing skill clearly have the word (sword) embedded in it, which somewhat make sense in certain eastern arts (I.E the sword that slice the seal off the heart), but it feels weird in English.

2) It was not corruption, but rather "accumulation". The line make sense in chinese, but not in English since it did not state what was accumulated.

3) Your translation is good, but I would replace "curse seal in her heart" to "cursed seal in Verlisa's heart", since unless the plot is different than I expected, Yunna shouldn't have a seal in her heart. However, since V's name was mentioned immediately in the sentence right before this, I think "The cursed seal was eliminated by the healing wave" would be better for the sentence flow (I.E avoid double mentioning Verslia's name twice so quickly).

1) I would suggest you to go to the STnBD Terminology thread, I'm sure pro translators will help you much better than me.
2) Same as 1, but I'll try my hand at this: "accretion", "accumulated corruption", "accrued corruption".
3) Repetition is not a problem in this context. Anyway, we can simply shift the blocks to our gain, like so: "She erased the cursed seal in her heart using the power of <healing skill>, a testament of <Yunna>'s prowess."
What do you say?
Sorry if I make you lose so much time on this, I'm a newbie at proofreading, I've never done it seriously.

[ArchmageXin]

“I am only...only giving it to you as a fellow knight, there is, there is absolutely no other meaning in this.”

Ellis turned her face away and pushed the chocolate forward.

“Ha Ha, thank you Elllis, you are still such a serious gift giver.” (a 4 word chinese adage was used here, which I am not familiar with the term)

Ellis pursed her lips, and mumbled, “No, there is absolutely nothing special in this.”

Several days later, team Scarlet earned the rights to participate in the <Spirit Sword Dance>. Because they defeated the #1 “Silent Fortress,” their team ranking was moved to #3.

The other two team were consisted of extremely strong upperclassmen <Le-ma-en>(? Anyone can of a name?), and team (including a lady sage?, or a extremely knowable team), <highly untranslatable name>, both earned the rights to participate in the <spirit sword dance> as well.

The ship that will take them to the battlefield will depart in one week.

The team decide to host a party in scarlet's room. On the table, there lies a HUGE cake. It is approximately the size of a wedding cake.

Kamito murmured with his eyes half closed “Do you ladies really plan to eat the entire cake?” (translator liberty: the “you” is plural in chinese, so I decided to add “ladies” to make it easier)

“We really don't have a choice, because of the <st Valentia festival>>, we have so much chocolate left over.”

Renselt frowned with an unhappy look, “Kamito-san, you, you are telling me you are not going to eat my cake?”

“You made this? You are really a high spec ojou-sama.” (High spec is actually in English)

Carol smiled and added, “The ojou sama's kitchen skill is also high class.” (The literal sentence added she also put her finger next to her mouth, not sure if it is good to word it)

“Carol also helped with the taste test.”

“Yes, everyday I can eat the lady's cake, I am so lucky!”


“Hum, Carol, you have to work hard everyday.”

She is really a skill-less maid.

Kamito suddenly felt a pair of soft chest-pressure on to his back. (anyone got a better translation for boobs on back? ), it is the shameless second princess.

“Ah, Kamito-san, Clare and I also helped!”

In the instant he heard Yunna helped, Kamito suddenly felt a murderous aura in the air. (note, it is actually literally translated as hateful aura)

“Ah not only the cake, you can eat me too!”

The devilish whisper instantly turned Kamito scarlet and he stammered: “What...what are you talking about?”

“Kamito, can you eat me too?”

“Est, do you know what you are saying??”

“Ka, Kamito, you, you traitor!” (literal translation is shapeshifter or chameleon)

[RAGE] [RAGE] [RAGE] [RAGE] [RAGE]

“Wait, wait Clare!, this is a misunderstanding!”

At this moment, the doorbell rang.

“I, I think Ellis is here.”

Kamito dashed toward the door like a man who saw death.

As he open the door, his eyes widen in shock.

“!”

Thus conclude approximately 66% of the text. Someone can clean this up and wiki it

薇尔莎莉雅·伊瓦的肉体，被咒装刻印侵蚀了。

虽然利用灭杀魔王之圣剑——缇露密努斯·艾斯特的力量，消去了刻在“心脏”上的咒装刻印，但由于数年的积累，一瞬喷出的诅咒却破坏了控制神威代谢的经脉。

等到她作为精灵使而复归，不知要花多少年的时间。

而且，即使咒装刻印被消除了，她的罪却并不会消失。

艾丽斯和神人来到了学院的门前，为正被精灵骑士护卫着移送帝都的薇尔莎莉雅送行。

乘着护送马车的她，带着安稳的表情。

由于咒装刻印的移植，可能精神也一点一点地受到了侵蚀。

不过现在的她，并不是有着冰一般美貌的骑士，而更像是一名普通的少女。

“——艾丽斯，对不起”

薇尔莎莉雅朝着艾丽斯低下了头。

“请抬起脸来，义姐大人。我会一直等待义姐大人的”

薇尔莎莉雅轻轻地点了点头，随后转向了神人的方向。

“我的妹妹就拜托你了。是个虽然笨拙但意外可爱的家伙呢”

“啊啊、我知道”

“神、神人！？义、义姐大人也是、说什么啊！”

艾丽斯满脸通红地叫道。

“艾丽斯，我会期待你在精灵剑舞祭上的活跃的哟”

轻轻地摸了摸艾丽斯的头，薇尔莎莉雅坐上了马车。

神人和艾丽斯并肩站在一起目送马车离去。

“——神人、谢谢你。拯救了义姐大人”

“救了她的是艾丽斯。并不是我”

神人静静地摇了摇头。

“”

忽然，出现了一阵奇妙的沉默。

“那个、神人有、有关前天的‘瓦连缇雅圣祭’”

“嗯？”

艾丽斯不知从哪里取出了一个小盒子。

是一个被漂亮地绑着缎带的盒子。

“这是？”

“只、只是认同了你为骑士团的伙伴而已哦。完、完全没有别、别的意思啊！”

把脸转向一边的艾丽斯，将巧克力递了过来。

“啊啊、谢谢你、艾丽斯。你还真是个注重礼仪的家伙呐”

“并、并不是义理才、才怪”

艾丽斯翘起嘴唇，扭捏地喃喃自语起来。

数天后，team·斯卡蕾特的精灵剑舞祭出场决定派对召开了。

由于击败了第一位的“静寂的要塞”，所以排名一下升到了第三位。

与同样排名上升的上级生强者“team·维瓦恩”以及拥有着樫之贤者的少女的“team·凯隆诺斯”一同，获得了精灵剑舞祭的参战资格。

向元素精灵界的会场出发的船，将在一周后起航。

派对决定在克蕾尔的房间里举行。

在桌上，放着巨大的巧克力蛋糕。

有着如同婚礼蛋糕一样巨大的尺寸。

“你、你们真的要把这东西全部吃光吗？”

神人半睁着眼呻吟道。

“不是没有办法吗。还不是因为瓦连缇雅圣祭的时候剩了不少巧克力嘛”

“神人同学、你、你是说不想吃我做的蛋糕吗？”

莉丝莱特不高心地翘起了嘴唇。

“这个是你做的吗你还真是high spec（高水准）的大小姐啊”

“大小姐的厨艺也是一流的唷”

把手放在嘴边的嘉洛尔微笑道。

“嘉洛尔也帮忙试了味道哟”

“是的，每天都能吃到大小姐的蛋糕，我真是太幸福了”

“嗯、嘉洛尔，你给我好好地工作啊”

这边却是低水准的女仆啊。

“啊拉、神人君，我和克蕾尔也帮忙了哦”

挤压——传来了胸部的柔软触感。

这次是不检点的第二王女大人。

“菲亚娜、你”

听到菲亚娜也帮了忙的瞬间，顿时产生了讨厌的预感。

“呵呵、不只是蛋糕，把我吃掉也可以唷？”

耳边的呼吸和细语，让神人一下子脸红起来。

“说、说什——”

“神人，把我吃掉也可以哦？”

“艾斯特，你知道这是什么意思才说的吗！？”

“~、神、神人、你、你你、你这个变态”

怒怒怒怒怒！

“等等、克蕾尔、这是误会啊——”

这时、叮铃，门铃响了起来。

“好、好像艾丽斯来了”

神人慌张地逃到门边。

一打开门——神人瞪大了眼睛。

“！”

[florza]

The one you couldn't translate was 'Demon Slaying Sword' or something, the long title of Est, followed by 'the power of Terminus Est' after the dash.

[ArchmageXin]

The one you couldn't translate was 'Demon Slaying Sword' or something, the long title of Est, followed by 'the power of Terminus Est' after the dash.

I made a edit in the wikis.

Also, I decide to do a bonus rush and completed the epilogue .

(see Wiki)

Which chapter should I do next?

[hikarikagayaku]

I haven't read it yet, but I guess "Yunna" at epilogue is refers to "Fianna"?
Also thanks for your hard work to transating this

[florza]

Code: Select all

'虽然利用灭杀魔王之圣剑——缇露密努斯·艾斯特的力量，消去了刻在“心脏”上的咒装刻印，但由于数年的积累，一瞬喷出的诅咒却破坏了控制神威代谢的经脉。'

Although they had used the Demon King Killing Sacred Sword (Demon Slayer) -- the power of Terminus Est, to erase the Cursed Armament Seal engraved upon her 'Heart', but due to the after effects of many years of usage, the curse that was expelled in one go had caused the channel responsible for kamui regeneration to be destroyed into pieces.

Think you need to retranslate most of it, or KuroiHikari would just overwrite everything when he's back.

[ArchmageXin]

Code: Select all

'虽然利用灭杀魔王之圣剑——缇露密努斯·艾斯特的力量，消去了刻在“心脏”上的咒装刻印，但由于数年的积累，一瞬喷出的诅咒却破坏了控制神威代谢的经脉。'

Although they had used the Demon King Killing Sacred Sword (Demon Slayer) -- the power of Terminus Est, to erase the Cursed Armament Seal engraved upon her 'Heart', but due to the after effects of many years of usage, the curse that was expelled in one go had caused the channel responsible for kamui regeneration to be destroyed into pieces.

Think you need to retranslate most of it, or KuroiHikari would just overwrite everything when he's back.

Most of it as the entire thing? Or just that passage? I edited your passage in. ~ Also, when is KuroHikari coming back? If he is the superior translator, I could just stop and let him do the work.

I haven't read it yet, but I guess "Yunna" at epilogue is refers to "Fianna"?

Yea, I don't know why my mind stop on Yunna for some reason~ that is what you get translating @ 10 PM.

Also, what was the two knights that follow Ellis around all the time?[/quote]

[ArchmageXin]

Minor update to V 3, Chapter 6.

I probably will only update so much each night now. Some of these chapters are really long~