Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby denormative » Wed Apr 24, 2013 3:00 pm

zzhk wrote:Ask Denormative, he's the one who uploaded the pictures and created the page.

Image? What image? *innocentwhistle*

Removed the not-a-link since it was only a fancy title page, no images, just pretty text.
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby ID not in use » Thu Apr 25, 2013 11:19 am

Could someone please check this passage in Vol 13, chap 4, part 3:

In possession of a fifteen-meter wingspan, the giant divine eagle spread its wings with great intensity of vigor.

cause it makes no sense.

Thanks
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby Kadi » Thu Apr 25, 2013 11:30 am

Without checking Japanese... "The giant divine eagle vigorously spread its wings spanning 15 meters." or maybe "The giant eagle spread its 15 meters spanning wings with great vigor." ... someone change it for me? My internet kills me right now...
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby ID not in use » Thu Apr 25, 2013 11:46 am

Kadi wrote:Without checking Japanese... "The giant divine eagle vigorously spread its wings spanning 15 meters." or maybe "The giant eagle spread its 15 meters spanning wings with great vigor." ... someone change it for me? My internet kills me right now...


How about, "The giant divine eagle vigorously spread its 15 meter wingspan."

Or "The divine giant eagle vigorously spread its 15 meter wingspan."

So is it a divine giant eagle or a giant divine eagle?
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby zzhk » Thu Apr 25, 2013 2:46 pm

A wingspan is simply a measurement, not something that you spread.

What is so difficult to understand about a bird spreading its wings, which happen to have a wingspan of 15m?

Besides, this is clearly a style issue rather than an error. Please direct your comments to the actual editing thread.

P.S. If you want "Giant Eagle," go visit the supermarket chain in Pennsylvania.
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby ID not in use » Thu Apr 25, 2013 3:47 pm

I understand what the thrust of the sentence is.

This part in particular:
"...spread its wings with great intensity of vigor"
Is the one that makes no sense to me.
Had it simply said: "...spreads its wings with great intensity. "
That would be fine.
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby yxpoh1989 » Sun Apr 28, 2013 12:46 am

"Erica aside, I never knew that Mariya had a rather stubborn side to her."
"M-Me, do I really seem stubborn to you?"
From Volume 13 Chapter 4 Part 1

I believe it shouldn't be stubborn as the word used here is 逞しい, which is closer or literally strong.
Well, Reliable might be one but the context, here, is with regards to being able to eat despite the possible hygiene problem.

My English vocabulary is rather limited and not as good, therefore, I can't give more possibilities. Oh.. but looking at the thesaurus(LOL!),
Tough, sturdy seem like good words that can replace 逞しい.

"What an idiot you are, Godou. That's because in order to interact with someone like Godou, even Yuri must surely harbor tenacious stubbornness somewhere in the depths of her heart. It is something one would acquire and develop after dealing with you for so long."
For this, the original is
"バカね。護堂みたいな人と付き合えるんだから、祐理だって心の奥底に筋金入りの逞しさがあるに決まっている。それか、あなたといっしょにいることで鍛えられたのよ。”,
My translation would be:
"What an idiot you are. Since she is associating with you, Yuuri surely possess die-hard tenacious in the depths of her heart. Plus, that tenacious has been developed due to Yuri being by your side."

Apologies if my attempt sucks...

Please do check. Thanks.
Kanji:我は言霊の技を以て、世に義を顕す。これらの呪文は強力にして雄弁なり。強力にして勝利をもたらし、強力にして癒しをもたらす。
Romanji: Ware wa kotodama no waza wo motte, yo ni gi wo arawasu. Korera no jumon wa kyouryoku ni shite youben nari. Kyouryoku nishite shouri wo motarashi, kyouryoku nishite iyashi wo motarasu.
The 7th King, Kusanagi Godou's Incantation of the 10th Incarnation, "Warrior",
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby zzhk » Mon Apr 29, 2013 2:45 am

Going by dictionary definitions:
逞しい
読み方:たくましい
(1)
文法情報 (形容詞)(かな表記が多い)
対訳 burly; strong; sturdy

(2)
文法情報 (かな表記が多い)
対訳 indomitable; indefatigable; strong-willed; resolute; bold

(3)
文法情報 (かな表記が多い)
対訳 robust (vitality, appetite, economic growth, etc.); strong

Clearly, the Chinese translator was going by the "strong-willed" meaning in choosing the equivalent of stubborn.
The "depths of the heart" description also supports the idea of it being mental rather than physical strength.

Anyway, I'll leave the decision to someone more familiar with Japanese usage, such as Kadi.
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby yxpoh1989 » Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:42 am

zzhk wrote:Going by dictionary definitions:
.........
Clearly, the Chinese translator was going by the "strong-willed" meaning in choosing the equivalent of stubborn.

The "depths of the heart" description also supports the idea of it being mental rather than physical strength.

Anyway, I'll leave the decision to someone more familiar with Japanese usage, such as Kadi.


Okay I overlooked that.. learnt something... but in that case, I would prefer strong-willed than stubborn though..
As stubborn sounds a bit negative in terms of being used to comment... or at least that how i feel :P

On a side note: what's that dictionary you used to acquire those meanings?
Kanji:我は言霊の技を以て、世に義を顕す。これらの呪文は強力にして雄弁なり。強力にして勝利をもたらし、強力にして癒しをもたらす。
Romanji: Ware wa kotodama no waza wo motte, yo ni gi wo arawasu. Korera no jumon wa kyouryoku ni shite youben nari. Kyouryoku nishite shouri wo motarashi, kyouryoku nishite iyashi wo motarasu.
The 7th King, Kusanagi Godou's Incantation of the 10th Incarnation, "Warrior",
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby Kadi » Tue Apr 30, 2013 2:43 am

But my grasp of the details of Japanese isn't that much better, either.... Oh, well. Among the dictionary choices, I prefer strong-willed or resolute. For that instance in particular, I'd go with strong-willed and use "will as strong as iron" or "iron will" in Erica's reply... It doesn't feel quite right overall, but it's the best I can come up with on the spot.
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby zzhk » Tue Apr 30, 2013 3:15 am

Fixed.

yxpoh1989, try this: http://ejje.weblio.jp/
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby yxpoh1989 » Tue Apr 30, 2013 9:02 am

Orh.. Thanks for the link :)
Still have so much to learn :oops:
Kanji:我は言霊の技を以て、世に義を顕す。これらの呪文は強力にして雄弁なり。強力にして勝利をもたらし、強力にして癒しをもたらす。
Romanji: Ware wa kotodama no waza wo motte, yo ni gi wo arawasu. Korera no jumon wa kyouryoku ni shite youben nari. Kyouryoku nishite shouri wo motarashi, kyouryoku nishite iyashi wo motarasu.
The 7th King, Kusanagi Godou's Incantation of the 10th Incarnation, "Warrior",
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby Just another Guest » Tue Jun 18, 2013 10:57 am

This is (probably) the right place to say what I'm about to say. My apologies if it is not.

Before that, I would like to express my appreciation for all the hard work you people have done. Because of you, I can enjoy these great light novels. I can't speak (or, rather, read) Japanese yet myself, although I will be starting my studies on Japanese once autumn rolls around. After that, I might even buy the actual novels and compare it to these translations and use it to help my studies...

But I am sidetracking before even starting with the actual business.

Anyway, while reading, I noticed, to my pleasant surprise, that unlike in many professional-made texts, such as some books and many, many video games, you have not completely butchered the Early Modern English grammar. However, there WERE still some mistakes. In the first volume, I believe I spotted a few minor ones, which I can't remember off the top of my head since it's been a couple of days. In the second one it wasn't even used much, if at all, since gods weren't really present in it.

In the third one, however, it became much more obvious. One simple mistake was repeated many, many times. Here's an example of that mistake:
"Hey, boy, runnest! Makest haste and escapest!"

In these cases, the -(e)st should not be there at all, since the three verbs in which it is present in that quote are all in imperative form. In other words, they are 'commands'. It should simply be: "Hey, boy, run! Make haste and escape!" The -(e)st is dropped in subjunctive and imperative moods.
Since that person does tell people to do things a lot, it isn't an easy-to-ignore issue.

There are a couple other issues, but none as glaring as that one, at least for now. I'm still in the middle of the third volume.

But still, as said, your usage of Early Modern English is still much, much better than in many other places.



As a last note, I may be properly joining this community myself one day. Since my knowledge of Japanese is still rather limited, particularly when it comes to reading, I cannot truly help with translation, but I could do some quality checking, like in cases like this.
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby zzhk » Tue Jun 18, 2013 2:22 pm

The -(e)st is dropped in subjunctive and imperative moods.


Yeah, I did wonder about that but in my admittedly brief research, I couldn't find that particular rule explicitly stated so I just went with the general principle that imperatives follow 2nd person or 1st person(plural) forms depending on who is being commanded.

Do you know of any detailed internet resources on Early Modern English grammar?
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Re: Campione! Error Reporting and Clarification

Postby Faiir » Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:09 am

Hello,

some suggested changes in vol.4:

Chapter 1, Part 1:
From: "The degree of scariness in Yuri's eyes was increasingly steadily."
to: "The degree of scariness in Yuri's eyes was increasing steadily."

From: "Even in countries that favored the slow food culture, would also sometimes make use of frozen foodstuffs as ingredients"
to: "Even countries that favored the slow food culture, would sometimes make use of frozen foodstuffs as ingredients"

Chapter 1, Part 2:
From: "Previously, she could control her emotions so well, yet nowadays she seemed to regard Erica with an air of malice."
to: "She could control her emotions so well previously, yet nowadays she seemed to regard Erica with an air of malice."

From: "Godou, who was suddenly cast aside, had a sudden urge to use the power he held as a 'King'. As a devil king, a Campione, to make Gantz take back his previous words."
to: "Godou, who was suddenly cast aside, had a sudden urge to use the power he held as a 'King' - as a devil king, a Campione - to make Gantz take back his previous words."
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