Book 1 edits

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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Fri Sep 05, 2008 5:08 am

Ayano's words are filled with scorn/despise, but Kazuma smiles without replying to her.

Rather than being considered as a "good guy" who acts by his emotions, being known as a miser makes him feel better several fold. Ayano's scorn does not affect him in any way.

"I leave it all to you."


Last line i cannot be 100% sure... but anyways this is the closest translation i can make for this part.

Sorry for having left out that last tiny bit =X had to rush to school...

Anyways, next would be chapter 5 and 6?
be as strict as possible, and feel free to point out any doubts/queries whatsoever.
will look forward to all that you point out =X
Good Job! Keep it up!
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Nerevarine » Fri Sep 05, 2008 2:34 pm

Yup, 5, then 6...untill i catch up with you, hehe

actually, i just read chapter 5 today for the first time and i must say...

Spoiler! :
Hyoue, whose face grew red with anger, gave a signal, about ten people, both males and females, came out. Kazuma looked at the daggers and clubs that they were holding without a care.

“No matter how many of such people from the Fuga clan come out…… Hey, old man, what did you do to these people?”

Unfocused pupils, staggered steps, these Jutsushis are obviously without consciousness.

“These people, they forgot the pride of the Fuga clan, and are dumb fools who were willingly to be slaves of the Kannagi. They should think about who they are, to try to persuade and stop me, so I took away their consciousness, and they are now puppets, hahahahaha……”

Hyoue used an ear-piercing voice to laugh. The looks of that obdurate old man, was ugly to the limit.

“So how about it, Kazuma? These people are loyal to the Kannagi, they are Jutsushis who are righteous and respectable! To you who is a follower of the Kannagi, you should not be able to kill them right? So tell me, what are you going to do------“

”Just like this.”

Kazuma stopped Hyoue’s self-speech, and cut off the Jutsushi’s heads all at the same time. As if it was a joke, ten heads flew up into the sky at the same time, and fell down onto the ground one by one.

“You……You Itsuki! Against innocent people who are merely being controlled…… Are you even human?”

”Don’t you keep talking about me. Did you think I am some hero of justice? Who cares whether they were controlled or blackmailed, whoever points a knife at me is my enemy. A little girl would be no exception.”

Hearing such a cold-blooded declaration, Hyoue was at a loss for words. And at this moment------

“Da……Damn!”

One man ran out of the human wall that decreased by half. His wife was killed by Kazuma just now, since his wife was unable to accept Hyoue’s ambitions, her consciousness was taken away. But, if the Kannagi is destroyed, she would be turned back to normal, and they could live on like they used to, no, even more happily than before.

“Woahhhhhhh!!”

The man released wind blades, but compared to Kazuma’s wind, they were small sized wind blades worthy of pity.

The control of the small sized wind blades were taken by Kazuma, and chopped off the casters head in return. The man’s head rolled on the floor, and eventually stopping by the side of his wife’s head.

No one in the area dared to move. That look of a person fully wrapped by north-most winds, bringing down heartless punishment, was just like a god of death descending upon the real world------

“Ah ah…… Speaking of which, how many people are left?”

”Wa……Wahhhhhhhh!”

That lazy speech was just like a signal, the Fuga clan began to lose control, and began running away in an unorganized manner.


really got me dissapointed... i mean...i guess i shoulda known it wouldve happened from foreshadowing of

Spoiler! :
In the end, the precautions were too late. The Fuuga clan disappeared without a trace, and is yet to be found, probably on their way to the sacred lands, or they might even have arrived!

He does not intend to let Fuuga clan’s ambitions to be fulfilled, even though one of the reasons is to save his cute brother, but Kazuma has decided long ago that “anyone that uses a human as a tribute must die”.

.------ Maybe not all the Fuuga clan participated with the revolt, so some way to take care of these people would be required then-----

Remembering the words of the clan chief, Kazuma shows an evil smile.

(Let me help you save some energy!)

Juugo should not require to ponder about what to do with the Fuuga clan I guess? This is because Kazuma has already decided on the death penalty for anyone in the clan.


but i mean....i dont know....its not just something i like...

I wouldn't have care if they were
Spoiler! :
people that he killed if they were badguys (actually i woulda preferred that).....but they didnt have any control of their actions....
I dont know...i dont really care if hes not a "superhero type good guy" who dosnt
Spoiler! :
kill


i wouldnt have even cared if he was the one who
Spoiler! :
killed shingo and takeya... but the Fuuga guys had no choice but to die...


i know the whole "lets make him a badass"

but... cmon

even the psycho Rail Tracer guy from Baccano! who rams people on the rail tracks going 80 mph slowly slicing and dicing their bodyparts, skinning people alive, and dumping people in acid baths has better morals than this guy

Edited for emphasis!

hmmmm...i wonder f i shoulda made this a new topic seeing as it has nothing to do with edits and is more of a discussion....o well
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Fri Sep 05, 2008 7:19 pm

If you ask me. I like the way he does things.
Plain, simple.
If he cares about every other person around him, he is the next one to die.
That is why there is the saying, good people die young.
He cannot save everyone... He blames himself that he cannot save Tsui-Ling...
So he does ANYTHING to save those he care from then on.

He is reminded of Tsui-Ling by the Fuuga's doing... thus he hates them all.
It was the simplest and most efficient way to stop all resistance.
If you ask me, the bad guy should release his control over Ren then =X
Then Ren will see how his brother brutely murder everyone, and Kazuma has a new enemy to take care of, the kind and merciful Ren!

Besides, if he didnt do this, Book 2 makes slightly less sense.

Anyways, so far no big problems? @@
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Nerevarine » Sat Sep 06, 2008 11:42 am

ShadowZeroHeart wrote:If you ask me. I like the way he does things.
Plain, simple.
If he cares about every other person around him, he is the next one to die.
That is why there is the saying, good people die young.
He cannot save everyone... He blames himself that he cannot save Tsui-Ling...
So he does ANYTHING to save those he care from then on.

He is reminded of Tsui-Ling by the Fuuga's doing... thus he hates them all.
It was the simplest and most efficient way to stop all resistance.
If you ask me, the bad guy should release his control over Ren then =X
Then Ren will see how his brother brutely murder everyone, and Kazuma has a new enemy to take care of, the kind and merciful Ren!

Besides, if he didnt do this, Book 2 makes slightly less sense.

Anyways, so far no big problems? @@


well...i tried to keep everything in spoilers for other unsuspecting readers...but o well...

its fine if he cant save everyone...but he dosnt have to kill innocent people, which IS what they were

but i mean...he could have just as easily blown them away with wind...or he could have disabled them...he didnt have to kill them

and i thought Ren did see him do it

By now, the Fuga clan is but no more. But to Kazuma, the real problem begins only now.

“Bro……Brother, you really overdid it! There was no need to kill those people who were controlled, was there!?”

Kazuma had to comfort Ren, who was gleaming with tears and interrogating Kazuma.

“Oh? Is……Is that so?”

By Kazuma’s standards, what he did already had Ren’s feelings in mind, and prevented unnecessary killings……

“Lets…… Lets put this aside for now, lets take care of that old man first!”



and yeah...i did find something wierd while perusing this chapter

“However, it is just for today…… If it weren’t for a time like this, I would never……”

She tries her best to rebut, but Kazuma does not reply, his presence earlier seemed to have vanished without a trace, as though that was just a dream, Kazuma relaxed his whole body, and fiddles with his cigarette in a lazy posture. Ayano thinks to herself, just like a poisonous bug.

(------What a mean person.)


is that right?

and if it is....what exactly does that mean?

ive never heard of a description like that....and i cant even imagine what it would be like

Edit: wait wait! ah, i think i get it now....Ayano is callling Kazuma a poisonous bug in her mind....

haha, i thought it was saying she was thinking to herself, which is "just like a poisonous bug."

ah well...i guess i might have to reword it so someone like me dosnt make that mistake


Edit 2: OK! starting editing sequence...
and i found something...the word "quickly" dosnt make much sense
Even though it is impossible not to notice, Kazuma does not even look at Ayano. He shakes his leg comfortably, and is reading a magazine he bought from a stall quickly.


i thinkk the word is supposed to be "quietly", as in "and is quitely reading a magazine hebought from a stall"

Edit 3: AH! after thinking about it some more... it most likely meant he was reading at a fast pace

i dont know if it means he can just read fast or if he is just glancing through... but im going to change the word to skimming as in:
Even though it is impossible not to notice her, Kazuma does not even look at Ayano. He shakes his leg comfortably as he skims through a magazine he bought from a stall.


Edit 4: ok so here the exclamation point and the next line is contradictory

“Who…… Who would be happy! Just the fact that I am being with you makes me feel unhappy to the max!”

”Is that so!”

Rebutting the agitated Ayano, Kazuma replied faintly, as though nothing had happened and took out a cigarette from a hidden pocket in his jacket.


so im going to take out the exclamation mark and just makeit a period
also...i think "lightly" wuld be a better word...because faintly alludes to him speaking weakly, as if hes scared or oppressed

Edit 5: white isnt really a good word for this situation

Ayano furiously stared once more at Kazuma, who began to produce more smoke. And what is even more detestable, is that smoke went through the kekkai and began to taint her surroundings white.


"white" alludes to pureness and cleanlyness, so im going to change it to smoggy, but it might also be good to just take it out altogether

Edit 6:
After throwing down that sentence, Ayano dashed out. As she was running, she pulled out Enraiha, and shot a fireball to show her might.

“I told you, that won’t work!”

Kazuma grumbled in shock.

Ryuuya quietly stood before the approaching fireball. The scorching flames attacked Ryuuya, who did not take any defensive actions at all, staying motionless.


i dont think shock is the right word....so im going to change it into agitation.

just telling ya for confirmation.
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Sat Sep 06, 2008 6:01 pm

Nerevarine wrote:but i mean...he could have just as easily blown them away with wind...or he could have disabled them...he didnt have to kill them

and i thought Ren did see him do it

and yeah...i did find something wierd while perusing this chapter

“However, it is just for today…… If it weren’t for a time like this, I would never……”

She tries her best to rebut, but Kazuma does not reply, his presence earlier seemed to have vanished without a trace, as though that was just a dream, Kazuma relaxed his whole body, and fiddles with his cigarette in a lazy posture. Ayano thinks to herself, just like a poisonous bug.

(------What a mean person.)


is that right?

and if it is....what exactly does that mean?

ive never heard of a description like that....and i cant even imagine what it would be like

Edit: wait wait! ah, i think i get it now....Ayano is callling Kazuma a poisonous bug in her mind....

haha, i thought it was saying she was thinking to herself, which is "just like a poisonous bug."

ah well...i guess i might have to reword it so someone like me dosnt make that mistake


Edit 2: OK! starting editing sequence...
and i found something...the word "quickly" dosnt make much sense
Even though it is impossible not to notice, Kazuma does not even look at Ayano. He shakes his leg comfortably, and is reading a magazine he bought from a stall quickly.


i thinkk the word is supposed to be "quietly", as in "and is quitely reading a magazine hebought from a stall"

Edit 3: AH! after thinking about it some more... it most likely meant he was reading at a fast pace

i dont know if it means he can just read fast or if he is just glancing through... but im going to change the word to skimming as in:
Even though it is impossible not to notice her, Kazuma does not even look at Ayano. He shakes his leg comfortably as he skims through a magazine he bought from a stall.


Edit 4: ok so here the exclamation point and the next line is contradictory

“Who…… Who would be happy! Just the fact that I am being with you makes me feel unhappy to the max!”

”Is that so!”

Rebutting the agitated Ayano, Kazuma replied faintly, as though nothing had happened and took out a cigarette from a hidden pocket in his jacket.


so im going to take out the exclamation mark and just makeit a period
also...i think "lightly" wuld be a better word...because faintly alludes to him speaking weakly, as if hes scared or oppressed

Edit 5: white isnt really a good word for this situation

Ayano furiously stared once more at Kazuma, who began to produce more smoke. And what is even more detestable, is that smoke went through the kekkai and began to taint her surroundings white.


"white" alludes to pureness and cleanlyness, so im going to change it to smoggy, but it might also be good to just take it out altogether

Edit 6:
After throwing down that sentence, Ayano dashed out. As she was running, she pulled out Enraiha, and shot a fireball to show her might.

“I told you, that won’t work!”

Kazuma grumbled in shock.

Ryuuya quietly stood before the approaching fireball. The scorching flames attacked Ryuuya, who did not take any defensive actions at all, staying motionless.


i dont think shock is the right word....so im going to change it into agitation.

just telling ya for confirmation.


Sorry, forgot some details from the chapters... haha must be from too much novels...

Yes, ayano thinks kazuma is a poisonous bug

yes, it is skimmed through... i dont read magazines much... so that phrase didnt come into mind... thanks for pointing that out

edit 4, instead of "is that so?" it can also be "Oh Really!" in a joking manner, thus the difference in tone, sorry about this, once more.

My chinese text used white, as in color, not description...
unless there is another word for the color white... smoggy is a description of a place being covered in smoke, but not the color... so... i dunno...
besides, white smoke comes out as one breaths in winter... the smoker gives off white smoke... they work too... so...?

last part!
shocked or surprised... due to i believe, Kazuma's surprise/shock that Ayano is that dumb to use such attacks? ^^"



LOLz, did not know i had so many mistakes, thanks for reading and pointing them out ^^ hopefully i wont make such mistakes again
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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ShadowZeroHeart
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Posts: 3480
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:23 am
Location: Amidst the Shadows

Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Nerevarine » Sun Sep 07, 2008 1:50 pm

lolz, u totally skipped this part of when i said

Nerevarine wrote:well...i tried to keep everything in spoilers for other unsuspecting readers...but o well...

its fine if he cant save everyone...but he dosnt have to kill innocent people, which IS what they were

but i mean...he could have just as easily blown them away with wind...or he could have disabled them...he didnt have to kill them

and i thought Ren did see him do it

By now, the Fuga clan is but no more. But to Kazuma, the real problem begins only now.

“Bro……Brother, you really overdid it! There was no need to kill those people who were controlled, was there!?”

Kazuma had to comfort Ren, who was gleaming with tears and interrogating Kazuma.

“Oh? Is……Is that so?”

By Kazuma’s standards, what he did already had Ren’s feelings in mind, and prevented unnecessary killings……

“Lets…… Lets put this aside for now, lets take care of that old man first!”



o and hehe, dont worry, there were many many more mistakes....just im only posting the ones im not too sure of, or i need confirmation on

and as for the "white", i understand the situation where the chinese raws use the word meaning the color white,
but in english the situation where the sentence is "began to taint her surroundings white", "white" directly refers to the action "to taint", as in your tainting(or polluting, or corrupting) with white, which is a contradictory statement.

one way i can change it is this:
And what is even more detestable, is that smoke went through the kekkai and began to taint her surroundings with white fumes.

where white can describe the color, and fumes can correlate to taint

want confirmation though

and thanks for clearing everything up

Edit: o, and congratz on making 500 posts
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Sun Sep 07, 2008 6:36 pm

LOLz, i did not skip it ^^

ShadowZeroHeart wrote:Sorry, forgot some details from the chapters... haha must be from too much novels...


I forgot the details of that particular scene =X and for now i dont intend to re-read it... afterall, some red eyes are looking at me, coz i am one chapter behind time...
(the red eyes look blazing, scary, and a third in something like a black pendent by her chest giving off a fiery glow, and she appears to be wearing a black big shirt, and a long, sharp and pointy something that i am afraid to see directly...)
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
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Posts: 3480
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:23 am
Location: Amidst the Shadows

Re: Book 1 edits

Postby Hibari » Sat Sep 27, 2008 1:30 am

I finally finished editing chapter 1 of the fist book.
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Re: Book 1 edits

Postby ShadowZeroHeart » Sat Sep 27, 2008 1:35 am

Thank you for helping out ^^
God!!
You need not forgive me.
For those I love,
The violence brought about by sinful men
Shall now be used once more.
If you were created to save this world,
If there is a single shred of hope left for the future of mankind,
I am very sorry, but, please begone!
User avatar
ShadowZeroHeart
Senior Project Translator
 
Posts: 3480
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 12:23 am
Location: Amidst the Shadows

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