OLN: Weaver of Chaos (Completed)
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- Calculatrix
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
Ew. Not a lot of content in so many days.
Well, this part of Chapter 1 basically started the next arc. I can't wait to get to the climax...I have something very awesome planned, and hopefully it turns out the way I want it to. Weeeellll........now that I think about it, my 'very awesome plan' really shouldn't happen in this volume/arc. But, I'm still planning on showing off Akito's power, and some 'new' power as well...hehe.
-sigh- I'm playing so many games right now, and I'm basically right in the middle of important stuff inside those games...I've also been messing around, listening to the Yuki Yuki Yuki 10 hour video for about 2 hours, but hey...the more you listen to it the more you like it....(I have no idea why I even started to listening to it...)
Well, hopefully I can get more content out in the next release...cya later
Well, this part of Chapter 1 basically started the next arc. I can't wait to get to the climax...I have something very awesome planned, and hopefully it turns out the way I want it to. Weeeellll........now that I think about it, my 'very awesome plan' really shouldn't happen in this volume/arc. But, I'm still planning on showing off Akito's power, and some 'new' power as well...hehe.
-sigh- I'm playing so many games right now, and I'm basically right in the middle of important stuff inside those games...I've also been messing around, listening to the Yuki Yuki Yuki 10 hour video for about 2 hours, but hey...the more you listen to it the more you like it....(I have no idea why I even started to listening to it...)
Well, hopefully I can get more content out in the next release...cya later
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
- Calculatrix
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
Because there were too many characters on the other post, I'm posting Part 3 of Chapter 1 here.
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I'm back again...hopefully there is more content than last time. Of course, more cliche, 'heart-warming' scenes.......then shit gets serious.Enjoy:).
Chapter 1 Part 3:
----------------
I'm back again...hopefully there is more content than last time. Of course, more cliche, 'heart-warming' scenes.......then shit gets serious.Enjoy:).
Chapter 1 Part 3:
Spoiler! :
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
- gamerbaki
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
Mr. Author, I just finished reading the Volume 1 of your work, and as a fellow 1st Person Point of View (POV) writer, your story caught my interest and decided to read the entire story (although I have to copy your story to notepad then save it as a .txt file before transferring it to my old phone with a built-in e-book reader in order to read it after school and I guess, the effort of copying it didn't go to waste since it was an interesting story after all).
Anyway, let me tell you my reactions in your story:
1. Throughout the story, it is a smooth read where I am able to finish reading within a short time (I think, I read Volume 1 for about 3hrs). There were some minor typo errors (like spelling) in the story but it didn't affect the story that much, although you should consider a few more proof-reads.
2. I want to ask if your characters were written in a mixture of 1st and 3rd point of view or purely 1st POV or the other around?
I noticed that you have a minor problem within the flow of the story--namely the shifting point of views.
I noticed that on the scene with the Village Head, you are using "he," "Village Head," "Elders," "it" which were nouns/pronouns used on a 3rd person point of view (POV) sentence, while on Akito's POV you only used the pronoun "I." So I once thought that the story is a mixture of 1st person POV and a 3rd person POV which is still fine to me.
However, when you came to Akari's POV; you still addressed her as "I" despite that you refer the pronoun "I" to Akito.
For me, using these simple pronouns or even the name of characters in your narration can greatly affect the consistency of the story.
That's is the entire reason why I explained these stuff about POV's.
Anyway, instead of using "I" as an Akari-substitute, you can use her entire name at the beginning of your narration and then substitute it with "she" in your next sentence.
In that way, you can still maintain the balance of 1st and 3rd person POV.
3. I think your story is going fast, despite of what you had said in the introduction that it will be a slow paced story.
Although you don't have any problems in the narration itself, I do feel that the story skipped several times and there are times that even if the scene must be elaborated further, it happened to be set aside and instead focused yourself to the main events of the story.
If I simplify these sentences above, I will say, "The story is very short that I still crave for more even though the scene is over."
Personally speaking, I envy Akito. He is overpowered at the beginning, he is famous at school even though it wasn't on purpose, he already have a harem at the beginning where one of them is her foster mother (my god! Every time a kissing is happened between the two, I can't help but to facepalm and ask myself, "What the hell am I reading right now?"). Honestly, every time I read a fan service with Akito, I slammed my fist on the floor while mumbling, "You cheater!"
I mean, he already has everything and if he can fully control the power of Chaos in him, all hell will break lose.
Sorry if I happened to rant a bit, maybe because I feel that your story is an effective story.
What I just wrote above were some of what I just noticed and some few things I know it could help in writing your story.
Lastly, I can only say to you is, "Good work. I'll be looking forward to your next volume so good luck!"
--gamerbaki
Anyway, let me tell you my reactions in your story:
1. Throughout the story, it is a smooth read where I am able to finish reading within a short time (I think, I read Volume 1 for about 3hrs). There were some minor typo errors (like spelling) in the story but it didn't affect the story that much, although you should consider a few more proof-reads.
2. I want to ask if your characters were written in a mixture of 1st and 3rd point of view or purely 1st POV or the other around?
I noticed that you have a minor problem within the flow of the story--namely the shifting point of views.
I noticed that on the scene with the Village Head, you are using "he," "Village Head," "Elders," "it" which were nouns/pronouns used on a 3rd person point of view (POV) sentence, while on Akito's POV you only used the pronoun "I." So I once thought that the story is a mixture of 1st person POV and a 3rd person POV which is still fine to me.
However, when you came to Akari's POV; you still addressed her as "I" despite that you refer the pronoun "I" to Akito.
For me, using these simple pronouns or even the name of characters in your narration can greatly affect the consistency of the story.
That's is the entire reason why I explained these stuff about POV's.
Anyway, instead of using "I" as an Akari-substitute, you can use her entire name at the beginning of your narration and then substitute it with "she" in your next sentence.
In that way, you can still maintain the balance of 1st and 3rd person POV.
3. I think your story is going fast, despite of what you had said in the introduction that it will be a slow paced story.
Although you don't have any problems in the narration itself, I do feel that the story skipped several times and there are times that even if the scene must be elaborated further, it happened to be set aside and instead focused yourself to the main events of the story.
If I simplify these sentences above, I will say, "The story is very short that I still crave for more even though the scene is over."
Personally speaking, I envy Akito. He is overpowered at the beginning, he is famous at school even though it wasn't on purpose, he already have a harem at the beginning where one of them is her foster mother (my god! Every time a kissing is happened between the two, I can't help but to facepalm and ask myself, "What the hell am I reading right now?"). Honestly, every time I read a fan service with Akito, I slammed my fist on the floor while mumbling, "You cheater!"
I mean, he already has everything and if he can fully control the power of Chaos in him, all hell will break lose.
Sorry if I happened to rant a bit, maybe because I feel that your story is an effective story.
What I just wrote above were some of what I just noticed and some few things I know it could help in writing your story.
Lastly, I can only say to you is, "Good work. I'll be looking forward to your next volume so good luck!"
--gamerbaki
Writer of Tales of Mysidia : Paradox Heroes.
If you have extra time, kindly go for my thread and have a taste of my story. Any comments are welcome.
Chance are, that I might be doing the same thing on yours ^_^V
If you have extra time, kindly go for my thread and have a taste of my story. Any comments are welcome.
Chance are, that I might be doing the same thing on yours ^_^V
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- Vice Commander Itsuki
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
Haha yeah, Akito sure is enviablegamerbaki wrote: Personally speaking, I envy Akito. He is overpowered at the beginning, he is famous at school even though it wasn't on purpose, he already have a harem at the beginning where one of them is her foster mother (my god! Every time a kissing is happened between the two, I can't help but to facepalm and ask myself, "What the hell am I reading right now?"). Honestly, every time I read a fan service with Akito, I slammed my fist on the floor while mumbling, "You cheater!"
- Calculatrix
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
Thank-you for the wonderful feedback, I've been waiting for someone to really give me a punch in the face. As this if my first story(OLN) that I'm actually trying to write, I'm pretty sure there will be mistakes and I will miss several of those mistakes. Thank-you so much for pointing out those mistakes, as it makes it easier on myself when I know the reader's thoughts on my story.gamerbaki wrote:Mr. Author, I just finished reading the Volume 1 of your work, and as a fellow 1st Person Point of View (POV) writer, your story caught my interest and decided to read the entire story (although I have to copy your story to notepad then save it as a .txt file before transferring it to my old phone with a built-in e-book reader in order to read it after school and I guess, the effort of copying it didn't go to waste since it was an interesting story after all).
Anyway, let me tell you my reactions in your story:
1. Throughout the story, it is a smooth read where I am able to finish reading within a short time (I think, I read Volume 1 for about 3hrs). There were some minor typo errors (like spelling) in the story but it didn't affect the story that much, although you should consider a few more proof-reads.
2. I want to ask if your characters were written in a mixture of 1st and 3rd point of view or purely 1st POV or the other around?
I noticed that you have a minor problem within the flow of the story--namely the shifting point of views.
I noticed that on the scene with the Village Head, you are using "he," "Village Head," "Elders," "it" which were nouns/pronouns used on a 3rd person point of view (POV) sentence, while on Akito's POV you only used the pronoun "I." So I once thought that the story is a mixture of 1st person POV and a 3rd person POV which is still fine to me.
However, when you came to Akari's POV; you still addressed her as "I" despite that you refer the pronoun "I" to Akito.
For me, using these simple pronouns or even the name of characters in your narration can greatly affect the consistency of the story.
That's is the entire reason why I explained these stuff about POV's.
Anyway, instead of using "I" as an Akari-substitute, you can use her entire name at the beginning of your narration and then substitute it with "she" in your next sentence.
In that way, you can still maintain the balance of 1st and 3rd person POV.
3. I think your story is going fast, despite of what you had said in the introduction that it will be a slow paced story.
Although you don't have any problems in the narration itself, I do feel that the story skipped several times and there are times that even if the scene must be elaborated further, it happened to be set aside and instead focused yourself to the main events of the story.
If I simplify these sentences above, I will say, "The story is very short that I still crave for more even though the scene is over."
Personally speaking, I envy Akito. He is overpowered at the beginning, he is famous at school even though it wasn't on purpose, he already have a harem at the beginning where one of them is her foster mother (my god! Every time a kissing is happened between the two, I can't help but to facepalm and ask myself, "What the hell am I reading right now?"). Honestly, every time I read a fan service with Akito, I slammed my fist on the floor while mumbling, "You cheater!"
I mean, he already has everything and if he can fully control the power of Chaos in him, all hell will break lose.
Sorry if I happened to rant a bit, maybe because I feel that your story is an effective story.
What I just wrote above were some of what I just noticed and some few things I know it could help in writing your story.
Lastly, I can only say to you is, "Good work. I'll be looking forward to your next volume so good luck!"
--gamerbaki
On the topic of Points of View, I had lots of trouble figuring out which POV I wanted to use(through out the whole story, tbh) and even now I am still some-what troubled by it. The scene where I started to give Akari's POV before the Arena match was troubling for me, b/c I did not know which POV to use and which one would be best. So, I just started to type and when I re-read Akari's scene I thought it was fine. Apparently it wasn't as good as I thought it was, and I'm grateful to you for pointing that out.
Considering Akito....oh man. Originally, before I started this story, I wanted this story to have more girls than there are right now. That quickly changed because of the fact that I don't have to ability to create and write so many characters in this story. Also, I think having more characters in the main group right now would be too much(fore-shadowing...?). After I figured out that I did NOT want Akito to have a huge harem(which is the reason why I will NOT make Kanade fall in love with him), I've always wanted a main protagonist to be supremely over-powered. Even if Akito is not THAT over-powered yet, I am planning to throw in some nice fight scenes which allow Akito to discover his new found powers after Kyouko was finally completely sacrificed(Devoured). I'm also planning to bring in some things that I did not originally plan to bring into the story, but now I'm starting to think differently...
Now, Akito's and Takane's relationship. Their relationship is some-what...hard to explain. For me, it's easy to understand because I'm the one who created them, but for the readers that is most likely a different story. Anyways, since Takane is a VoidWeaver, she has always been alone. Her parents didn't like her, and she had no friends. However, he made it to the top through her will to not give up. Considering that Void is able to 'devour' anything it touches(Including Chaos[Well...for now anyways hehe]), she easily over-powered anyone that stood in her way. After Akito had obtained the Crystal of Chaos(most recent chapter), Takane found him unconscious on the side of the round next to a forest which surrounds the mountains. Takane trained Akito, and raised him like her own son. However, Takane always longed for someone to be 'close' with, so she basically raised Akito into a man that she wanted to be with. Kind of confusing....but it's really the only way I can describe their relationship.
Now on to the point where my story seems too short. To be honest, I thought the first volume is longer than I expected it to be. I did want to finish volume one with Akito almost completely controlling his Sword of Chaos, which I'm pretty sure I achieved.
...The ecchi scenes. I myself have always been a big fan of the genre 'ecchi'. I've seen many ecchi anime, as well as some hentai. Yes, I said it, I have watched hentai. However, it does help me in some cases. Most of the time while writing the ecchi scenes in this story, I've wondered to myself if I'm going too far. An example of this is the scene where Akari confessed to Akito and then they did some stuff. Personally, I don't think I went too far, and I think I could've gone farther. However, I have to think of the people reading my story, because I'm pretty sure MOST(if not all) of the readers do not like the 'ecchi' genre as much as I do. Also, I think I may have written those scenes with a fast pace. I'm pretty sure I could've(and should've) made those scenes slower, however, I feel some-what conflicted. I do want to take them slower and have more detail, but I'm afraid that I will go too far and I'll get reported or something. I'm not that good at describing women's bodies, but I'll be sure to read and watch several ecchi-themed LN's, manga, and anime. Next time I'll try to take the scene to a slower pace......and yes there will be a next time.
I would like to thank-you again for the wonderful feedback, as I will(HOPEFULLY) remember it while I continue to type this story. Honestly, I still have a lot going on IRL, but some-how I still find time to write my story(every other day).
I would also like to thank-you for at least commenting your thoughts on my story. It helps greatly and gives me even more motivation to keep writing it. I'm planning on writing at least 3-5 volumes, but it might end sooner. I guess I'll(and we'll) have to find out. Cya next time when I post the first part of the next chapter.
Also, considering the fact that my dad is forcing me to do something I don't want to do for the rest of my summer vacation, I will not have as much as I did to write my story unfortunately. Seriously, I freaking hate it. Oh well.
Note(Sort of a spoiler, so if you don't want anything 'spoiled', don't read this.
Spoiler! :
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
- gamerbaki
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
Haha, is that so?
Then it all make sense to me now.
Although I can tolerate ecchi scenes (because I'm a man), the fact that Akito already have everything well, is something very enviable maybe for others as well.
But like what I said in my earlier statement, I'll be looking forward not only on the next volume but also until the end of your work, although I hope that your story will be a bit longer than what you had planned.
I will be reading your next volume once you completely finished it or at least, reach its halfway mark.
Once again, good luck on continuing your story.
--gamerbaki
Then it all make sense to me now.
Although I can tolerate ecchi scenes (because I'm a man), the fact that Akito already have everything well, is something very enviable maybe for others as well.
But like what I said in my earlier statement, I'll be looking forward not only on the next volume but also until the end of your work, although I hope that your story will be a bit longer than what you had planned.
I will be reading your next volume once you completely finished it or at least, reach its halfway mark.
Once again, good luck on continuing your story.
--gamerbaki
Writer of Tales of Mysidia : Paradox Heroes.
If you have extra time, kindly go for my thread and have a taste of my story. Any comments are welcome.
Chance are, that I might be doing the same thing on yours ^_^V
If you have extra time, kindly go for my thread and have a taste of my story. Any comments are welcome.
Chance are, that I might be doing the same thing on yours ^_^V
- Calculatrix
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
Genres: Action, Romance, Ecchi, Magic(Super power?), Mature.
RESERVED FOR VOLUME 2 CHAPTER 2
Chapter 2
Part 1
Part 2:
Part 3:
RESERVED FOR VOLUME 2 CHAPTER 2
Chapter 2
Part 1
Spoiler! :
Spoiler! :
Spoiler! :
Last edited by Calculatrix on Fri Nov 21, 2014 3:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
- Calculatrix
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
I completed part 1 of Chapter 2 faster than I thought. Another ecchi scene, and this time it's quite long. I think most of the readers will think I'm weird, but I'm just writing how I want the story to be like, while also including some of my own 'likes'. Just saying:). The introduction to the action scene is near the end of the Part, so if you don't like ecchi scenes just skip through the ecchi, or you could read it(which I would prefer you to do).
I also think that I'm making Akito too...'soft'. So, the next action scene will hopefully bring back his ruthlessness(if it was ever there to begin with.)
Here's a note: Whenever I use the word 'freaking', think of the word F***ing. I only use freaking b/c the f-word is censored.
I also think that I'm making Akito too...'soft'. So, the next action scene will hopefully bring back his ruthlessness(if it was ever there to begin with.)
Here's a note: Whenever I use the word 'freaking', think of the word F***ing. I only use freaking b/c the f-word is censored.
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
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- Astral Realm
Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
Um, hello people. This is Calculatrix.
For some reason, whenever I logged into my account, I could never get out of my User Control Panel. Everything I did was not successful. However, that's not the only reason why this story has not be updated in a while. I have LOTS of real life stuff going on, and I barely have any time to relax. Aside from that, I've also started another story(basically just clearing my mind) which I will continue and probably post in Creative Works. I am fairly confident in my new story, but that doesn't mean that I will drop Weaver of Chaos.
Because of all of this, I've barely written the first....fourth of the next part. It feels like I am getting rushed with my RL work, and I'm pretty sure I'm not even getting enough sleep.
I will try to resolve the problem with my original account, so hopefully I will be able to get back to Calculatrix. If not, well...then I guess I'll be using this one.
Thanks again for the people who have read my story. I'm planning on focusing more on the action aspect rather than the ecchi and romance from now on. There are still many secrets....and much more power than Akito will be able to wield. Hopefully I can get that far into my story.
Till next..........cya.
For some reason, whenever I logged into my account, I could never get out of my User Control Panel. Everything I did was not successful. However, that's not the only reason why this story has not be updated in a while. I have LOTS of real life stuff going on, and I barely have any time to relax. Aside from that, I've also started another story(basically just clearing my mind) which I will continue and probably post in Creative Works. I am fairly confident in my new story, but that doesn't mean that I will drop Weaver of Chaos.
Because of all of this, I've barely written the first....fourth of the next part. It feels like I am getting rushed with my RL work, and I'm pretty sure I'm not even getting enough sleep.
I will try to resolve the problem with my original account, so hopefully I will be able to get back to Calculatrix. If not, well...then I guess I'll be using this one.
Thanks again for the people who have read my story. I'm planning on focusing more on the action aspect rather than the ecchi and romance from now on. There are still many secrets....and much more power than Akito will be able to wield. Hopefully I can get that far into my story.
Till next..........cya.
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- Vice Commander Itsuki
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
Ok no worries.
I hope you manage to resolve your account problems.
I hope you manage to resolve your account problems.
- Yumeha_Minakami01
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
I feel your pain of not getting any sleep man. Anyways, we hope that you find fix our account soon. I'll wait for your updates on this story.
"The worst part about being strong is that no one asks you if you're okay." - Accelerator
Please check out my work if you like: OLN:The Lady Voltigeur
Please check out my work if you like: OLN:The Lady Voltigeur
- gamerbaki
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
Are you sure you already done everything?
I'm suggesting to read carefully the text there.
Actually, not until two days ago, my account was been in a situation same as you.
The site itself charged this account as a well-known spammer.
Then I try to follow everything in that User Control Panel, including changing password.
Fortunately, I was able to rescue this account from ban although my password right now is a mixture of uppercase and lowercase letters and numbers that even I myself can't enter that password fast.
Try my suggestion if you think you're trapped in that Control Panel
I'm suggesting to read carefully the text there.
Actually, not until two days ago, my account was been in a situation same as you.
The site itself charged this account as a well-known spammer.
Then I try to follow everything in that User Control Panel, including changing password.
Fortunately, I was able to rescue this account from ban although my password right now is a mixture of uppercase and lowercase letters and numbers that even I myself can't enter that password fast.
Try my suggestion if you think you're trapped in that Control Panel
Writer of Tales of Mysidia : Paradox Heroes.
If you have extra time, kindly go for my thread and have a taste of my story. Any comments are welcome.
Chance are, that I might be doing the same thing on yours ^_^V
If you have extra time, kindly go for my thread and have a taste of my story. Any comments are welcome.
Chance are, that I might be doing the same thing on yours ^_^V
- Calculatrix
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
No way, I actually got to log in. I can't believe it was so dang simple -facedesk-
It has been a loooooooong time since I posted on here, and I'm sad to say that I have made no progress on Weaver of Chaos. I actually typed a good paragraph today actually haha.
Seriously though. It's been like what...3 months or something? Well I finally have more time to write this story, and oh my goodness, this section has changed. Last time I looked my thread only had like 800 views I think? Up to 1.1k? Dunno..oh well.
After all this time, I took the time to re-read my whole story. Aaaand it definitely feels like I rushed it. A lot. I never meant to make the story progress so fast
Well, I guess that's just how it is. I'm going to try to finish this story with the amount of imagination and actual storyline I have left in me. Good thing I still remember how I want to end it haha.
I don't know when I will post the next part to the story, if I ever will.
Just wanted to say I'm back:D.
It has been a loooooooong time since I posted on here, and I'm sad to say that I have made no progress on Weaver of Chaos. I actually typed a good paragraph today actually haha.
Seriously though. It's been like what...3 months or something? Well I finally have more time to write this story, and oh my goodness, this section has changed. Last time I looked my thread only had like 800 views I think? Up to 1.1k? Dunno..oh well.
After all this time, I took the time to re-read my whole story. Aaaand it definitely feels like I rushed it. A lot. I never meant to make the story progress so fast
Well, I guess that's just how it is. I'm going to try to finish this story with the amount of imagination and actual storyline I have left in me. Good thing I still remember how I want to end it haha.
I don't know when I will post the next part to the story, if I ever will.
Just wanted to say I'm back:D.
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"
- gamerbaki
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
Okay!
Looks like that I'll be looking forward now to the end of Akito's OP harem
Anyway, welcome back!
Looks like that I'll be looking forward now to the end of Akito's OP harem
Anyway, welcome back!
Writer of Tales of Mysidia : Paradox Heroes.
If you have extra time, kindly go for my thread and have a taste of my story. Any comments are welcome.
Chance are, that I might be doing the same thing on yours ^_^V
If you have extra time, kindly go for my thread and have a taste of my story. Any comments are welcome.
Chance are, that I might be doing the same thing on yours ^_^V
- Calculatrix
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Re: OLN: Weaver of Chaos
I just updated the story, even if it's just a little bit. Hopefully I'll be able to write more soon. -thumbs up-
Author of "Weaver of Chaos" and "Code : Reality"