Baka-Tsuki - User contributions [en]

Kara no Kyoukai:Chapter05 04

2009-04-13T12:25:06Z

222.145.114.106:

'''/4 Paradox Spiral''' 

That day, I was at the back alley where I first met Ryougi. 

Even in these daylight hours there's no one about, and not even the myriad noises of the streets can be heard. Exhaling clouds of vapor into the cold air ('''!'''), I was standing in that place from which the bloodstains of that time had neatly disappeared. 

Clickclickclickclick. 

October's drawing to an end too. It's approaching one month since I ran away casting aside home, work, and everything else in my life. 

However there's no sign that the police are looking for me. Not only that but on the TV news that I diligently go to check everyday at the mall, nothing about the murder I had committed was being said. I've been reading newspapers too whenever I felt like it, but as expected no such story appeared. 

That affair, it's in a whole different dimension from the street homicides going on right now. There's no doubt that it's the sort of thing that the TV audiences would lap up. So there's no way it would have been handled as a simple accident. 

"--- Impossible --- Could it be that they haven't discovered it yet?" 

Hearing my mumbling voice, I want to throw up the contents of my stomach. 

It's not as if it matters what happens to people like that but --- just thinking about what those bodies would look like after they had been left there for a month wraps me up in gloom. 

Should I go take a look --- no, that's not possible. I don't have the courage to do so, and there could be police watching the scene. 

In any case all I can do is keep a watch on the situation from outside like this. 

--- Just once. 

Just once is fine so if it was reported on TV as a crime, I could harden my mind and disappear from Ryougi's life. If Enjoh Tomoe becomes known to the world as a murderer it would be an inconvenience to Ryougi --- and I could leave this street with no regrets. 

"Damn it, what is up with that. You bastard called me---." 

Does that mean I can't leave Ryougi. 

Clickclickclickclick. 

The wind's picked up. I came walking out of the back alley as if I was being chased by the cold north wind. I was walking through the downtown area like that when I saw Ryougi at a far-off pedestrian crossing. A red jacket over a kimono - it couldn't be anyone but her. 

Looking at that figure from far away --- I spotted a familiar face. 

It's a guy from that night Ryougi and I first met, one of the ones who were the cause of that meeting. With practiced footsteps he's acting natural while he follows Ryougi. 

Click, clickclick, click. 

--- Hey, that's dangerous. 

Mixing into the crowd I stalk the guy stalking Ryougi. 

After stalking Ryougi for a long time the guy goes off somewhere. Shortly afterward, another guy from that time replaced him and continued to stalk Ryougi. 

It seems that they don't actually plan to do anything to Ryougi but simply stalk her. Even so --- for them their movements are too faultless and well-organized to be not suspicious. 

I kept watch on them for an hour, and then decided that I needed to know where the one that had gone off before had gone. Fortunately the one that fainted after eating Ryougi's high kick finishes his shadowing and starts to go back. 

When I hurried after him he -------- went into the alleyway that I had been in till just a little before. 

--- It's a trap. 

It's not for me to know what this is all for. But... this whole thing definitely has an ominous feeling to it. 

Stopping at the entrance of that string-like path leading into the back alley, I looked inwards. Wouldn't it be possible to find out what they are doing from here? 

Looking carefully, I see someone standing there. 

It's a wine-red long coat. 

That slim-figured shadow, is it a guy? His long hair is the color of gold, and even when I'm looking from a distance I can tell his is an annoying face that looks as if its owner is looking down on someone ---. 

But --- who is that guy? 

"□ □ □ □ □ □ ---." 

A fluent intonation flows past my ears. 

Surprised, I look back, but no one is there. 

When I quickly turned back around to look at the alley, the man in the coat had disappeared. 

A cold north wind blows through the street. 

Brrrr, my body's shivering. 

Hugging my body, which is still shaking oblivious to Enjou Tomoe's will, 
Resisting an urge to cry for no reason with all my might. 
I was feeling the end of autumn and the end of my existence. 

<center>* * *</center>

Night fell, and I told Ryougi about the fact that she was being stalked. That the creeps from that night were actively keeping watch on her. ('''!''') 

But Ryougi's reply was brief as usual. 

"Oh, really?" 

So? She asks, with her flawlessly clear eyes. 

Even I lost my grip on reason this time around. 

"It's not something you go 'so?' to! It's not just those jerks watching you! Do you have any memories of a foreigner wearing a red coat?" 

"I don't have any delightful friends like that." 

That was it for Ryougi, and she didn't respond to this story any longer. 

What happened was that she lost interest. No matter what effect an incident will have on Ryougi Shiki, if Ryougi Shiki herself thinks it's unimportant, this brat will ignore it. Even if she was to be disgraced and treated like a murderer, she probably wouldn't care. Since what's important isn't what the world thinks, but how she feels. 

... Yeah, I was expecting her to be like that too, and I thought that Ryougi, for whom that was natural, was proudly lonely; but this time, at least, is an exception. 

Those creeps --- no, that guy is real. 

I and those jerks are either fake, or have no possibility of being an imitation. Unlike us, Ryougi has pure impulses. 

"Listen to me! This isn't somebody else's business. It involves none other than yourself! At least spare some thought for my worried mind!" 

My shouting may have annoyed her, as the kimono girl nimbly turned the gabuza ('''!''') on the bed around and looked up at me. 

At that time, I think I was wearing a very serious face. 

It isn't even because Ryougi is so preposterously unworried. The reason is a bit simpler. That is --- 

"Mm, it definitely is my business and not someone else's. But why are you worrying about my problem, Enjou?" 

Well, that's --- 

"Idiot, of course I'm worried. I don't want you to die. Because --- I've fallen for you." 

The taut air suddenly freezes. 

... I said it. I, who must leave soon, said what must not be said. 

Those words --- above everything else for myself, they were something that should not have been said. 

Ryougi's looking at me as if she's seeing something strange. 

A few seconds pass and the kimono girl bursts into laughter. 

"Hahaha, what are you saying, Enjoh?! You've fallen for me? Did that guy in the red coat hypnotize you or something? Try going through your memory, there will definitely be a weird noise mixed up in there!" 

Ryougi --- Shiki... laughs it off and will not face me. 

I don't know what proof she may have, but she definitely concluded that it couldn't be real. 

As for me, obviously --- I can't accept that. 

"It's not like that! I'm being sincere. Seeing you, for the first time I felt that a human was beautiful, and I thought I had finally found someone like me. You are real. If it's for you, I can do anything ---." 

Grabbing Ryougi's shoulders, I glare at Ryougi. 

Ryougi stopped laughing and turned around to look at me. 

"Hmm, is that so?" 

A dry tone. 

Ryougi's hand grabs my sleeve. All of a sudden, I spin lightly around as if I had become a piece of paper, and end up lying flat on the bed. 

Ryougi is on top of me, holding a knife ---. 

"Then, can you die for me?" 

The knife blade touches my neck. 

The light in Ryougi's eyes doesn't change much. 

Stabbing down the knife as usual, she will flippantly kill me. 

Ryougi isn't asking if I can die doing something for her. She's saying, I'm going to kill you for my enjoyment. That's what the question just then means. 

--- This girl can't feel affection except through something like that. 

Dying is scary. Even now, I'm so scared that I can't even tremble. But... this life of mine won't be long. Having killed someone, I'm bound to be caught by the police and never be able to return to this place again. In that case --- 

"All right. I'll die for you." 

I said it. 

Ryougi's eyes, they regain a humane light. 

"Do as you like, I haven't got long left anyway. Since I killed my parents. It will probably be an execution. If that's the case --- I think dying by your hand is better than the gallows." 

"You killed your parents?" 

With her knife pressed against my throat, Ryougi asks me again. I decided then to reveal the memories I had hidden, and tell the story just before I died. That was probably because I wanted to at least pretend to be at a confession at least once before I died. 

"Yeah. I killed my parents. Because they were bad parents, they borrowed money behind my back and went around having fun. I couldn't handle cleaning up their mess so, time after time --- so that I wouldn't screw up and have it end at attempted murder --- I wildly stabbed them in the gut with a kitchen knife. Our house doesn't even have heating. That night was cold too, right? My breath was steaming white, but a human's intestines were warm. Steam coming from a human's stomach, that was a sight that you might see once in your life! 

Heh heh, rats --- everything was paralyzed and I became an idiot. I hadn't put the knife down, and my hands kept digging into those guts. Eventually, it got to the stage where you couldn't tell whether I had stabbed them to kill them or to dig into their guts, and you could no longer tell that those things had once been human." 

Shall I cry? I thought that, but the tears wouldn't come. 

Instead, I felt strangely refreshed. By the fact that I had killed those awful parents and was really free. 

"--- Tomoe. You... why did you kill them?" asks the girl in front of my eyes. 

I think. Why did I kill them? Did I hate them? Or were they annoying? No, it wasn't such a clean emotion. 

In that case, was I --- afraid? 

"I... was afraid. I had --- a dream. 

I come home from work and go to bed. Shortly afterward, I hear my mom and dad arguing in the room beside mine, and the door opens. My father's covered in blood and my mother is standing there. Just like that, she stabs me to death, then cuts her own throat and dies. 

At first I thought, I'm going to die like this, but it wasn't like that. When I woke up in the morning, no such thing had happened. I must have had dreams like that because I definitely wanted to kill my parents but couldn't. Also --- I had that dream every day. Every, single, day, that dream repeated itself. I call it a dream, but every day? I couldn't stand it anymore. I... was more afraid of the night, when I got murdered. I didn't want to have dreams like that anymore. So --- all that happened was that I killed them before I was murdered, in order that I might never have a dream like that again." 

Yeah, that night. My mother, who opened the door because she had something to talk about, I stabbed her over and over again with the knife I had hidden. In my dreams, I lost count of the number of times I had been killed. I tried my hardest to kill her, as if I was pouring out all the frustration that had been building up inside of me until now. 

I'm free. There's no reason for me to be chained down by such awful parents, or such unpleasant dreams. 

Damn it, what a befouled freedom. 

"--- You are an idiot." 

Ryougi speaks solemnly. Her cold tone conversely makes me feel refreshed. 

It really did. I'm stupid, so I couldn't think of any other way to run away, but I don't regret it. Even if I'm bound to be caught by the police, I will still feel better that I did in those nightmare-filled days. 

... But, one little thing. It's something I realized as I told my story. 

Until now, I've lived thinking that only I was important. Even supposing such a person was serious, to say that they've fallen for someone isn't something they could do. ... They don't have the right to do that. It's natural that Ryougi would just laugh it off. Still ... the fact that I want to protect this girl at least is real. It's the only real thing to this false me. But in the hands of a dirty murderer like me, even that thought becomes polluted. --- If I had any regrets, that is what I regret most right now. 

The moment I understood that. The fever that had been driving me towards a violent outburst rapidly cooled off, like an old TV that has been replaced and thrown out. 

"Still ---." 

I... don't regret that murder. 

Tomoe is saying in my head that the murder was not something he should have done. 

Ryougi is looking at me with a far-off look in her eyes. An unblinking stare, as if it's piercing the heart of Enjoh Tomoe's being. 

"--- A drastic error. Enduring was your forte, but in the end, you chose the painful path. When we first met, you weren't you. Having lost your future, did the empty you want to die like just before?" 

... The girl who tried to kill me for a change of mood ('''!)'''. 
... The girl who I thought I would be happy to be killed by. 
The two throw the question at me. 

... Let's see. 

That night, I was handling myself recklessly. I thought it perfectly fine to beat someone to death, and on the other hand, I thought it would be perfectly fine to be beaten to death. But... I didn't want to die. At the time, yeah... it was simply that living had become exhausting. I hated myself, a fake living without any goals in life. This self of mine that thought it wanted to die but couldn't even kill itself was so loathsome that I couldn't take it. 

Even now, when I've confessed all my sins to Ryougi like this, I don't want to die. --- But nevertheless, humans will ultimately die. For me it will just be a little quicker, a little shabbier, and less meaningful than another person's. 

... Is that it? That's probably what I couldn't stand. 

A worthless, stale death. 

If I'm going to die like that, I would rather --- 

"--- dying for you, it seems much more real so I prefer it." 

"No thanks. A life like yours, I don't need it." 

The knife drops. 

Like a cat that's lost interest in its prey, Ryougi distances herself from me. Is she going out somewhere? Ryougi picks up her leather jacket and prepares to go out. 

I can only watch her. 

"Hey, Enjou. Where's your house?" 

Ryougi's voice is cold like the time when I first met her. 

... My family went from rent to rent. We were chased around either because after half a year we wouldn't be able to pay the rent, or the harassment of the debt collectors would be too much to take. I hated that --- I hated it from when I was young, so I envied a normal household. 

"What are you going to do with the answer? It's number 405 in some mansion." 

"I'm not talking about that. I mean the home you want to return to. If you don't know, that's that." 

Ryougi opens the door. 

As she went out, the girl spoke without even looking back. 

"Well, I'm going. If you feel like it you can use this place again." 

Ryougi disappears. 

Finding myself left behind alone, this place seemed to become so bleak that it looked like the only colors were white and black. 

While I looked at the room that had become totally black and white, the room where I had stayed for a month with my rusty mind, I decided to leave.

Kara no Kyoukai:Chapter05 03

2009-04-13T11:09:19Z

222.145.114.106:

'''/3 Paradox Spiral''' 

Close to a week has passed since I started staying in Ryougi's room. 

With both me and Ryougi going out during the day, a strange state of affairs continues where we only see each other when we go to sleep at night. Even so it was inconvenient not knowing each other's names after a week or so had passed, so we told each other our names. 

Her name is Ryougi Shiki. Surprisingly enough she really is a high school student. I don't know anything more than that. 

Ryougi calls me Enjou. Maybe because of that, I call Ryougi Shiki Ryougi. Ryougi herself dislikes being called by her family name, but I can't bring myself to call her Shiki. 

The reason is simple. Quite simply, I don't have that strong a resolve. I don't want to become friendlier than necessary with someone I will one day part from forever. If I come to call her Shiki, it will definitely become more difficult to leave this girl. I thought that such a relationship would only be a hindrance to someone like me, who might be caught at any time by the police. 

<center>* * *</center>

"Enjou, don't you have a girl?" 

On a night no different from any other, sitting on the bed with the gabuza ('''!''') on, Ryougi threw an unexpected question at me without any warning. 

Ryougi's questions, they always begin abruptly like this. 

"A girl... Well, if I had one I wouldn't come rolling into a place like this." 

"Oh. You look like you would be popular." 

"Hearing such an empty compliment doesn't make me happy at all. I'm sick of girls anyway." 

"--- Oho, how come?" 

Ryougi must have felt some interest in the story as she pushed her head out towards me rolling around on the floor. From my position lying right beside the bed it looks like only the head is popping out and it's somehow cute. 

"Are you gay?" 

... What I said before, forget it. That this brat could be cute, I must have briefly been out of mind. 

"There's no particular reason. To put it simply, it was just annoying. I tried dating for real, and it wasn't very fun." 

I never really liked those of the opposite sex. There was a time in high school when I went out with a girl for 3 months, but that isn't a sweet memory and I think all we did was fight a lot. 

Before I knew it I was haltingly telling her about my recollections. 

"It wasn't that I wanted very much. But she wanted too much from me. At first I thought 'well I guess that's how it goes' and I put up with it." 

Yeah. I bought her anything she wanted and if she wanted to be fancy I paid for it. Probably, there wasn't an instance when I couldn't meet her high expectations. 

She was happy every time, but on the other hand I was cooling off towards her. Sex wasn't as great as everyone thought either. 

... It felt like Ryougi was listening properly to my soliloquy. 

"After a while I started getting sick of her. It's not just the surrounding environment. Time, money, even emotions, it felt like a waste to give them to her. I did kind of like her, but satisfying your sexual appetite is something you can do alone ('''!''') 
--- If I was a normal student, I would have had too much time on my hands. But I didn't have any free time. The more time I spent with her the less sleep I got. For someone like me without even a minute to spare something like a girlfriend was an impossibility from the start." 

However I didn't try to break up. 

She looked happy, and I didn't want to put her in tears by issuing an absolute statement like 'let's break up'. ... I didn't want to inflict any wounds, and I didn't like receiving a wound either. 

"But you still broke up. How did you dump her?" 

"You know, stop treating me like some criminal. I was the one that got dumped. She told me suddenly after we did everything to do at a hotel. That 'you never looked at me. You just looked at my body and never saw my mind'. Honestly speaking it was a bit of a shock." 

As I told the story's conclusion with a shrug, Ryougi rudely burst into laughter. 

"Amazing, you don't look at my mind! Haha, you got caught by some fussy woman, didn't ya Enjou!" 

The springs in the bed creak in protest. This brat, she's rolling around on top of the bed laughing. 

"What, was there something strange about my story? It's my bitter memories of youth you know." 

I get angry and bolt upright. Ryougi then stopped laughing and stared at me. 

"It's weird. The only thing humans can see is the outward appearance. But that girl said that you who only looked at that wasn't needed, to say that you don't like someone because they can't see something invisible like the mind, that kind of girl isn't normal. Not being normal means you are abnormal. See, it's funny. That girl, if she wanted you to see her mind she could have written a letter. Enjoh, you did well to break up with that girl." 

Coldly making fun of me, Ryougi lay back on the bed. 

Like a cat she stared at me blankly from that position, then Ryougi opened her mouth as if it was difficult for her to say what followed. 

"... Well, it's not something for me to say, but. If you speak out loud about an uneasiness that 'cannot be seen' it becomes a lie. I can't know myself but love is believing in something. The blindness of love, isn't that it's meaning?" 

It's something I heard from another though, Ryougi added and fell asleep. 

Ending the conversation as usual in an abrupt manner like splitting bamboo, I also went to bed with a troubled mind. 

Turning off the light, I though as I fell into sleep. I'm a complete dunderhead when it comes to those people that I have feelings for called 'women' but, I think that if it was this girl there wouldn't be any such unilateral demands. No, if it was Ryougi, wouldn't I be able to take even such annoying things with a smile on my face? 

<center>* * *</center>

A night of the second week. 

When I opened the door with my key and went inside Ryougi was already asleep. ... As if she thinks of me as some sort of cat she doesn't show any signs of waking up even when she hears me rambling around. 

But today that's fortunate. 

Hiding my pummeled cheek, I plonk myself down on the floor. 

Ticktickticktick. 

The bedside clock goes around. Both the hands are pointing to the 12. 

... For some reason, I hate clock faces. Digital displays are my preference. A feeling comes to me that there's no place for me inside the spinning clock and I get afraid. 

"Ow." 

My bruised leg suddenly throbbed with pain and I screamed before I could stop myself. 

Ryougi is sleeping like the dead. There's no signs that she will wake up. 

That profile of her face, I unthinkingly stared at it. 

--- In the two weeks that we've lived together, I've come to know only one thing. 

This girl, really is a doll. 

She's always asleep on the bed like a corpse. This girl doesn't wake up in the morning; instead she is resurrected from death to life when she has something to do. 

At first I thought it was to go to school, but I don't think that's the reason. Because whenever she receives a phone call from somewhere, Ryougi regains her vitality. 

It goes without saying that I sense that the subject matter of those calls is suspicious. 

However, Ryougi is waiting for that. In its absence, this girl remains here like some doll. 

Ticktickticktick. 

That image was too beautiful. There was nothing as inconsequential as sadness. Ryougi delights only in the things she must do and comes back to life. 

This is perfection without fault. For the first time, I met the 'genuine item' that I had concluded I would never see. That which I had believed was like that. That which I wanted to be. That pure strength, which took no notice of what others did as long as you had yourself. 

"--- Shiki." 

From my mouth, Ryougi's name leaked out. 

Quieter than a whisper, an utterance that was like an expelled breath. 

But Ryougi's eyes snapped wide open. 

"--- What the, you're bruised all over again?"

As soon as she opened her eyes, Ryougi wrinkled her brow. 

"I couldn't help it. The other side kept provoking me for no reason." 

I tell it as it was. While coming back today, I got tangled up with two people I didn't know and we beat each other up. Of course I laid them out, but I'm also unskilled at fighting and get a lot of wounds. 

"You did something, didn't you? To be so weak even with that. Do you like being hit?" 

Ryougi says as she sits up on the bed. 

You did something, does that mean something like martial arts or judo? 

"Don't draw any unquantified conclusions. I don't know anything about martial arts. Although if it's just fighting, I can do it as well as the next guy." 

"Oh? I definitely thought you would, since you used your palm when fighting. --- Then how did you know to use the palm of your hand?" 

Ah, I should have guessed. Now that I think about it I was once congratulated about that. When hitting someone, a person who hasn't trained his fist will just hurt his hand, and after a few hits their own bones get damaged. So it's better for half-baked amateurs like me to use our palms to hit with. No, there are martial arts where the palm is more effective instead. 

Of course, I don't know anything like that. 

"Your palm is harder. Doesn't everyone use their palms to crush cans? There probably aren't many who would do it with their fists." 

"That's because it's easier with the palm of you hand."

Although Ryougi replied coldly, it seemed like she was admiring me in truth. 

She cautiously looks at my face. Getting embarrassed by her scrutiny, I struggled and kept talking. 

"So what did you do some of, Ryougi? Aikido?" 

"Aikido is just for fun. There's only one thing I've done since I was young." 

"Since you were young, eh. I thought you were strong. It was you who let loose a high kick at the back of a fleeing opponent's head. I thought how you acted was different. It was because of that. So do you have anything like a finishing move?" 

I ask the lamest questions. But Ryougi goes mmm, and falls into serious thought. 

"I suppose I have something along those lines. I train with taking down everything using that as my premise, so if you call it a finishing move, it is one. But we aren't of that school. And it's originally a self-created style as well."(This part could be reworked).

The thing you train is your mindset, Ryougi adds. 

"You remake your body. From your breathing to the placement of your feet, awareness, thoughts, to be able to remake all of them for combat. Even the way of using your muscles changes, so it might feel like you become a different person. 
I suppose tensing your body and mind as a fight starts and while you are fighting is the foundation of all martial arts. However, we followed only that too much, and as a result our path went too far." 

In response to this dialogue that seemed to scorn oneself, I couldn't do anything but cock my head. 

"What, if you are strong then that's that. There wont be any instances where you go around getting bashed up like me. And you finished off those three guys in an instant. That'ss an incredible self-created style right there." 

When I speak, remembering that refreshing instant of when I met this girl, Ryougi seems a bit surprised. 

"That's different. I only copied what I had seen. More than that, there's never been an instance where I've used our house's school of fighting." 

She nonchalantly spat out that frightening statement, then Ryougi collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep. 

<center>* * *</center>

... Steam is rising from somewhere. 

Sheek, sheek, and a noise that seems like something from a picture book can be heard. 

There's no light, and the room is dark. 

This place... is hot. 

Only the sound of the burning iron plate and that magma-like light were my unique supports. 

On the walls around me, huge bottles are lined up neatly. 

There are long, thin cords scattered all over the floor. 

There's no one. 

Only the sound of steam, and the noise of the water boiling. .............................. It was night, and I suddenly opened my eyes. 

Because, I had a bad dream. 

Ticktickticktick. 

The clock said it was still 3 AM, dawn; there was still a while to go before it was time to wake up. 

When I turned to look at the bed, Ryougi wasn't there. ... As it so happens, that girl occasionally takes walks at night. Even so, to go and wander about at dawn when even the vegetation is asleep... 

Should I go out and greet her? --- Although I knew that not getting involved in each other's private lives under any circumstances was an unspoken condition for using this place as an abode, I had that thought. 

I hesitated for a while then thought, fine, and got straight up. 

No matter how strong she is, it doesn't change the fact that Ryougi is a girl of the same age as me. On top of that, her appearance is more than enough for those idiots who go around in packs at night to fall for her. 

Just when I made up my mind and went out into the corridor, the front door opened noiselessly to admit the girl in her normal attire of a red jacket over a kimono. 

As expected, Ryougi closes the door without making a sound. 

"What, you've come back?" 

I felt like I had taken a blow for some reason, and that remark popped out of my mouth. 

A glance, and Ryougi turned to look at me ---. 

At that instant, I thought that I was going to be killed. 

The lights are off and the corridor is dark. In that darkness, only Ryougi's eyes are shining with a blue light. 

I can't do anything. Can't breath, can't think properly, I can only stand there like a post. 

"--- you too, won't do." 

I heard a noise. When I regained my wits, Ryougi had breezed past me and angrily thrown her leather jacket on the bed as if she was in a temper. 

Ryougi sat down on the bed, then leaned back on the wall to stare at the ceiling. 

Withstanding the chill that still ran down my back, I came back into the room, and sat down on the floor. 

A period of silence passes that makes me wonder if we won't drift off to sleep. 

Suddenly, the girl started talking. 

"I... went out to kill a person." 

Those words, how am I supposed to respond to them? All I could do was go, oh is that so?, and nod. 

"But it was all for nothing. Since I couldn't find anyone I wanted to kill today either. A moment ago, when you were in the corridor, I thought I might be satisfied if it was you, but as expected it wasn't to be. Even if I did it, there's no meaning to it." 

"... I thought I was totally dead." 

I speak honestly, and Ryougi replies, that's why it wouldn't work. 

"I want to feel that I'm alive. But there's no meaning to just killing people. I am wandering around at night without even an objective. That's no different from being a ghost. Someday --- I will meaninglessly kill someone." 

It may seem like Ryougi is speaking to Enjou Tomoe, but in fact she isn't talking to anyone. ... She's as blank as a drug addict suffering from withdrawal symptoms. 

The sort of thing had never happened until now. The Ryougi from around that time when I first met her may have wandered about at night, but there had never been an instance when she returned with such murderous intent. 

"Oi, what's wrong with you, Ryougi? It's unlike you. Wake up!" 

Funnily enough --- I was grabbing onto her shoulder, which I hadn't even brushed against before. 

I can't believe it. That this, the shoulder of the girl who seemed so detached... was so, slender. 

"... My mind's fine. I had this kind of feeling during summer too. At that time as well ---." 

As if she remembered something unpleasant, Ryougi stopped talking. 

I take my hand off Ryougi and come down from the bed. 

Ryougi gives up leaning on the wall and lies back on the bed. 

"Hey, Ryougi." 

I try calling her name, but there's no response. That brat said it before. That the mind is something that cannot be seen. Therefore, a problem that is invisible is something that must never be confessed to another person. 

That's right --- Ryougi is a loner. 

I am also like that, but I at least have a few friends that I meet casually for a change of mood. 

That's me, but this girl probably doesn't have any such person. Since this girl, who is perfect even in the smallest details unlike me, doesn't have the need for something like that. 

"--- Hey, Ryougi. Do you have any friends?" 

I tried not to look at the girl's face and asked the question with my back facing the bed. Ryougi thought briefly, and then replied, I have one. 

"What? You have one? You? A friend?" 

In complete opposition to the surprised me, Ryougi calmly said, yes, and nodded. 

"In that case, the story's simple. When you feel down, it doesn't matter if it's pointless, just try hanging out with them. Just changing the scenery will ease your mind. Forgetting things like your problems and talking about insignificant things will make you feel better." 

"--- I don't have one right now. That creep's gone far away." 

I became unable to say anything at her words. Because Ryougi's voice sounded so lonely. 

Maybe that was just my opinion, as Ryougi started to slam the bed with her fists as she worked herself up into a rage. 

"That creep just does freely does whatever on a whim! Coming over to our house whenever the fancy strikes and giving me nothing but a phone number. Getting sick for a month in summer, too -- Why do I have to be anxious about a creep like that?!" 

Phwock, phwock, there were some violent sounds. 

This time I really can't trust my eyes. 

The indomitable Ryougi is waving her arms and legs around on the bed and throwing a tantrum. 

No, the reality might not be something so simple. She could be stabbing the pillow with her knife. Whatever it was, the sound is changing from a whacking noise to a ripping noise. 

I was afraid to check out the situation, so I didn't turn around to look at Ryougi. 

She continued to cause a commotion for a time, then Ryougi went quiet. 

In any case, I envy that friend or whatever who can drive Ryougi so crazy. 

I found I wanted to know more about that person. 

"Hey, Ryougi." 

"---." 

As if she's still upset, Ryougi doesn't answer. I ignore the silence and continue. 

"That person you said is a friend. What's your relationship with them? A friend from high school?" 

"--- Yeah, he's a high school friend, but he's like a poet." 

What's 'like a poet'? If their age is similar, if he's a guy or a girl, I decide to leave for another day. There's not much point to me knowing anyhow. 

"Okay, so your wandering around at night, is that person the cause?" 

Ryougi thinks briefly. 

"Nah. Walking at night is my hobby, and my murder impulse is mine alone. No one else is involved. The problem is mine, so I know what kind of state I'm in right now. ... Hmm, in short, I'm so unbalanced right now that I make even you feel uneasy around me." 

Ryougi speaks serenely, as if describing someone else's affairs. 

"Uneasy --- I'm not particularly uneasy." 

"When you told me that you felt like you were going to be murdered by me?" 

A pretty voice comes flying at my throat. 

... A feeling like a cold snake coiling itself around my neck comes to me. Very briefly, I questioned if the thing rolling around behind me was really human. 

"See, you thought that again now as well. But that's a misplaced uneasiness. The reason I kill is because I can't feel that I'm alive. You can't be a target." 

... What does that mean? Is Ryougi saying that even if she kills me --- Enjou Tomoe, she won't enjoy it? 

"But --- okay. You still need to find another place to stay, Enjou. I only can't feel that I'm alive --- but Ryougi Shiki definitely likes to kill." 

Abruptly, Ryougi murmurs that, as if confessing something. 

The subdued tone of her voice. That voice that seems about to break, as if laying bare the troubles of her heart. ... Damn it. A woman who is already far away seems even further off. 

With that, I realized. That as much as I feared this girl --- no, I was even more strongly attracted to her. 

"--- Idiot, where in the world is that kind of thing?" 

At any rate, I continue the conversation because I want to refute Ryougi's words. 

"All it is is that your heart's uneasy. Quickly call in that friend or whatever of yours and let out everything, even if you don't feel like it. Friends are there for that reason; if you don't you drift far off from each other ---." 

Pouring out everything in my heart up to that point I cut off my words. In the same way as Ryougi did before, swept up by my emotions, I talked as I liked and only realized after the fact that I did something wrong. 

"--- That's all I'm trying to say. Good night." 

I spat out those words as if chewing bugs, and lay down to sleep. 

Ryougi said something, but I ignore and decide to sleep. 

Tonight, I'm not confident of being able to speak any further normally with Ryougi. 

The reason is simple. I pricked my heart with the words I had poured out. 

Yeah, no matter what I do. 

That friend's role will never come around to me.