Baka-Tsuki - User contributions [en]

User talk:Aorii

2014-01-30T03:29:46Z

24.107.64.117:

==Rinkan no Madoushi==
So far its leaning towards a seinen fantasy story with a female protagonist. :) [[User:Stellarroze|Stellarroze]] 14:29, 9 April 2012 (CDT)

can you please do black bullet??--[[Special:Contributions/101.99.160.176|101.99.160.176]] 05:42, 6 December 2012 (CST)

==Daybreak on Hyperion==
I like your story, keep up the good work, would love to read more. In the last chapter it got a bit confusing tho, first Keade got shot and then sends a message via telepathy. What has happened in between? How did the other mage get on the roof, and so on ? [[Special:Contributions/93.223.35.150|93.223.35.150]] 04:38, 4 January 2014 (CST)

Thanks. As for what happened, Ariadne implied at the beginning of her part (section 5) that Kaede was faking the unconsciousness. Being the airborne one, she had no problem receiving direct line-of-sight telepathy from Kaede. Because of how fragmented the fight is in ch11, the continuously switching POVs makes it bit hard to read. Sorry about that ^^ - Aorii

I got all that, but what I really meant was that you usually get a little character recap here. Like she got shot, struggeled against the pain, activated some runes to dull the pain, heard foot steps, assessed it was best to play dead for the time being, and stab the mage prick that came, with her magic sword later when the time was right. :) Jumps are good and all but if too much is implied it's a bit confusing. Interesting story line, keep it up :) [[Special:Contributions/93.223.35.150|93.223.35.150]] 11:47, 4 January 2014 (CST)

Thanks for the good idea. I added an extra scene (#5, start with "Trying to monitor the situation"). Couldn't go too far with the time overlap since excess repetitiveness lowers tension and dulls the action overall, but hope this clarify and helps the transition o/ - Aorii

Well done, now the story line is smother than before. Action scenes with character development is a must :) [[Special:Contributions/93.223.35.150|93.223.35.150]] 15:46, 5 January 2014 (CST)

Great job! I really have enjoyed what you have written so far and look forward to reading more. Keep up the good work. :) [[User:Starwarscards|Starwarscards]] ([[User talk:Starwarscards|talk]]) 21:15, 29 January 2014 (CST)

I picked an early chapter (3) to read to see if I’d like the story, and I just got sucked in. Not only did I read the first 2 I skipped, but I ended up reading for the rest of the night. The next night too. I just read the latest chapter (I was re-reading a couple of parts and noticed you posted it). Your characters are interesting and slowly changing(as any good characters should), and the world seems like it has some depth. I especially liked some of the details on the different types of magic , how they worked, and their strengths and weaknesses. My only gripe is that there is no more for me to read right now :) Keep up the good work! -- 21:26, 29 January 2014 (CST)

User talk:Aorii

2014-01-30T03:26:26Z

24.107.64.117: /* Daybreak on Hyperion */