Talk:Rokujouma no Shinryakusha!?: Volume 4 Chapter 4

2016-01-30T19:50:26Z

Comma phile: Suggested Minor Edits

Just an anon here who finds this series charming and hasn't done any editing on this site...I'd suggest the following edits (based only on reading the translated text and mainly involving comma usage):

Current text:
In fact, Koutarou who was speaking his lines in monotone was holding her back.

Edit:
In fact, Koutarou, who was speaking his lines in monotone, was holding her back.

Current text:
Two of them were the club president and Sanae, who had seen them practice before, and Kiriha, who understood the subtleties of a person's feelings.

Edit:
Three of them were the club president, Sanae, who had seen them practice before, and Kiriha, who understood the subtleties of a person's feelings.

Current text:
Kenji who had changed into a jersey after getting his outfit stolen by Koutarou nodded his head.

Edit:
Kenji, who had changed into a jersey after getting his outfit stolen by Koutarou, nodded his head.

Current text:
Yurika was wearing brown tights and a horse's hind legs as looked up at the stage and let out a sigh of relief.

Edit:
Yurika was wearing brown tights and a horse's hind legs as she looked up at the stage and let out a sigh of relief.

Current text:
A pure-white princess, who may have been delicate and fleeting, but at the same time held a strong will.

Edit:
A pure-white princess who may have been delicate and fleeting, but at the same time held a strong will.

Current text:
However, soon after they stopped again.

Edit:
However, soon after, they stopped again.

Current text:
At that moment, Kiriha who was helping out raised her hand.

Edit:
At that moment, Kiriha, who was helping out, raised her hand.

Current text:
Looking at Harumi who was having troubles, he couldn't help but feel that he was bullying her.

Edit:
Looking at Harumi, who was having troubles, he couldn't help but feel that he was bullying her.

Current text:
Hearing that surprised Koutarou. He was certain that Kenji or Theia would be opposed to it, but surprisingly enough they had both agreed.

Edit:
Hearing that surprised Koutarou. He was certain that Kenji or Theia would be opposed to it, but, surprisingly enough, they had both agreed.

Current text:
“That's right. Sakuraba-san doesn't want to do it with anyone but you, so in that case we'll just have to use you.”

Edit:
“That's right. Sakuraba-san doesn't want to do it with anyone but you, so we'll just have to use you.”

Current text:
“Oh, so you were aware of your terrible acting, Koutarou. In that case this'll be quick.”

Edit:
“Oh, so you were aware of your terrible acting, Koutarou. In that case, this'll be quick.”

Current text:
Theia's began sparkling.

Edit:
Theia's eyes began sparkling.

Current text:
The owner of that glance was amazed that Theia would hold a play on what could be called Forthorthe's soul in a backwater planet like this, and more importantly with these kinds of neanderthals.

Edit:
The owner of that glance was amazed that Theia would hold a play on what could be called Forthorthe's soul in a backwater planet like this, and, more importantly, with these kinds of neanderthals.

Current text:
The girl laughed once more before taking her eyes of Theia and turning around.

Edit:
The girl laughed once more before taking her eyes off of Theia and turning around.

Current text:
The only thing that remained was laughter, and that laughing voice was horribly cruel and desolate.

Edit:
The only thing that remained was laughter and a laughing voice that was horribly cruel and desolate.

Any comments on the edits? Again, I haven't done any work on this site (or elsewhere) and my changes are all based on the english text, so I'm putting this on the talk page.

Baka-Tsuki - User contributions [en]

Talk:Rokujouma no Shinryakusha!?: Volume 4 Chapter 4