Baka-Tsuki - User contributions [en]

User:Corti

2012-02-08T01:34:04Z

Corti: /* You can find me on... */

User:Corti

2012-02-08T01:33:53Z

Corti: /* Noob */

===You can find me on...===
AIM - CorticarteL 
IRC - Corti (lurking on Rizon is fun!) 
My House - 1237 K... no, nevermind. 

...

If all else fails, email me at [AIM sn]@live.com (though I'm probably ignoring you...) 

If you pick the last one, be prepared to wait for months for a response.

Talk:Ore no Imōto ga Konna ni Kawaii Wake ga Nai

2010-02-08T21:46:39Z

Corti: moar teasers

Synopsis from the forums done by [[User:kage_musha|kage_musha]]

A Alternate synopsis from the forums were:

My little sister Kirino is a girl with brown-hair and some pierce, what people usually call "a typical girl nowadays". It may sound strange coming from a sibling, but I say my sister is exceptionally pretty. She looks down upon his elder brother,me that is, though. Well, I don't care much about her attitude so we haven't had a proper conversation for some years now. My male friends often say that they envy me since I have a really pretty sister but I wanted to tell them that having a pretty sister won't bring you any good. (At least for me!)
But, one day I've stepped on this really big land mine concerning my sister's secret. I never thought that a day would come that I was asked for a "Life Consultation" from that little sister of mine---!

----
 
A fansubbing group called Himatsubushi is also doing this light novel as a side-project. They have two chapters out if anybody wants to try it.

[[User:Corti|Corti]] 21:46, 8 February 2010 (UTC)

Talk:Bungaku Shoujo:Volume2 Chapter1

2010-01-27T23:15:06Z

Corti: Forgot !

' "But don't you want to read foreign stories on their original language? If you can only see such a wonderful story that can move your heart like that only as alphabet is just too sad. That's why I learn English firmly. Also, France, Italy, Germany, and Chinese." '

For this part, are they talking about the language or the countries? (since English(language) and ALSO (countries) switches up the topics a bit...
Thanks (continuing editing lol) -SwiftStrike

----

"The tail of her black cat-like thin braid starts jumping around, she clings to the back of the chair while a rain of tears is starting to spill. " 
--At this point, you changed to using present-tense verbs from past-tense verbs, but then you change back to past tense. Which one should it be? 

"'Garden of Apples', 'Swing of Flowers' are just fine," 
--"'Garden of Apples' '''and''' 'Swing of Flowers' are just fine," 

"the stopwatch '''clicks out a sound'''." 
--"the stopwatch '''starts to tick'''." 

"After she '''brings''' the composition I had finished" 
--What? She's not taking it instead? 

"put it into her mouth, and she starts chewing it. " 
--"put it into her mouth, and starts chewing it. " 

"she '''deliciously''' eats the words" 
--Deliciously usually describes the subject in a way like "a deliciously-made dinner" where "dinner" would be the thing that is pleasing. For you to say that she "deliciously eats the words", it sounds like you're calling Tooko delicious. Are you? 

"on the '''paper''' and printed books all the while '''dripping''' happily with vast knowledge." 
--"on the '''papers''' and printed books all the while '''dripping''' happily with vast knowledge." 
--Dripping? 

"so much that I eat them, I'm just an ordinary 'Literature Girl'" 
--"so much that I eat them -- I'm just an ordinary 'Literature Girl'" 

"Tooko-senpai is exactly the good-old version of literature girl," 
--"Tooko-senpai is exactly like '''the''' good-old version of '''a''' literature girl," 

"an elegant young lady" 
--"an elegant''',''' young lady" 

"'''suited''' with a violet flower '''with her long thin braid which reaches''' her waist, " 
--"'''sporting''' a violet flower '''and long thin braids that reach''' her waist" 

"faultless slender figure" 
--"a faultless, slender figure" 

"and parts which is visible to the eye. " 
--Huh? 

"However, on the inside''',''' she is a glutton and chatterbox, brimming with curiosity, '''loves''' to push her neck into anything, a really troublesome senior. " 
--"However, on the inside she is a glutton and '''a''' chatterbox, brimming with curiosity, '''and who loves''' to push her neck into anything. '''A really troublesome senior indeed'''. " 

"Even though my chest tightened with expectations of a bittersweet story." 
--My chest tightened, expecting a bittersweet story. 

"For you to write a slowly degrading story about a boy who jumps into an automatic washing machine, and '''reached''' the apple garden at the end of the world, '''then''' an apple tree with a human face shrieking while he is swinging on the flower-swing is just.." 
--"For you to write a slowly degrading story about a boy who jumps into an automatic washing machine,
'''reaching''' the apple garden at the end of the world, '''only to find''' an apple tree with a human face shrieking while he is swinging on the flower-swing is just.." 

"Uu, when I thought of tasting the delicious fresh cream of apple pie, instead of apples''',''' '''it's''' actually stuffed with red hot boiled noodles, and instead of sprinkles of cinnamon powder, it '''taste''' like '''the''' blend of seven spices." 
--"Uu, when I thought of tasting the delicious''',''' fresh cream of '''an''' apple pie, instead of apples it '''was''' actually stuffed with '''red-hot''' boiled noodles, and instead of sprinkles of cinnamon powder, it '''tasted''' like '''it was sprinkled with a''' blend of seven spices." 

"Apparently the stimulation of freshly severed head of apple is '''quite''' strong that her nose is still dripping. " 
--"Apparently''',''' the stimulation of freshly severed '''head of apple''' is '''so''' strong that her nose is still dripping. " 

"I don't have blonde hair nor blue eyes, I'm not even wearing a fluttering blouse!" 
--"I don't have blonde hair nor blue eyes -- I'm not even wearing a fluttering blouse!" 

"I want to eat '''short collection stories of Aiken.'''" 
--Is that the name of a collection? If not, an "a" should go in front. 

"I want to eat 'A Necklace of Raindrops'''',''' I want to eat 'There's Some Sky in this Pie'''',''' I want to eat 'The Three Travelers'''',''' I want to eat them''',''' I want to eat them''',''' I want to eat them———!" 
--"I want to eat 'A Necklace of Raindrops'''';''' I want to eat 'There's Some Sky in this Pie'''';''' I want to eat 'The Three Travelers''''--''' I want to eat them''';''' I want to eat them''';''' I want to eat them———!" 

"While still being amazed I said to her" 
--"While still being amazed, I said to her" 

"and how they told the '''other''' about the story of their vacation" 
--"and how they told the '''others''' about the story of their vacation" 

"And then''',''' her face become bright again and '''starts to talks''' with full spirit. " 
--"And then her face become bright again''',''' and '''she started''' to '''talk''' with full spirit. 

"a story about '''appearing children''' are charming like the ginger '''cookie''' their mother baked." 
--"a story about '''children appearing who '''are charming like the ginger '''cookies''' their mother baked." 

"she blissfully '''muttered'''" 
--"Muttered" seems to be a sort of low and hidden way of speaking, as if the speaker didn't really want to speak, or be heard. Tooko doesn't really seem like this at this point. Maybe something like "quipped" or "exclaimed" would work better. 

"She always '''looked''' so happy whenever she talks about food." 
--""She always '''looks''' so happy whenever she talks about food."" 

"Her face turns with extreme bliss as she turns the book page." 
--"Her face filled with extreme bliss as she turned the pages." 

--[[User:Corti|Corti]] 23:10, 27 January 2010 (UTC) (Geh... '''Still''' not finished!)

Talk:Bungaku Shoujo:Volume2 Chapter1

2010-01-27T23:10:58Z

Corti:

' "But don't you want to read foreign stories on their original language? If you can only see such a wonderful story that can move your heart like that only as alphabet is just too sad. That's why I learn English firmly. Also, France, Italy, Germany, and Chinese." '

For this part, are they talking about the language or the countries? (since English(language) and ALSO (countries) switches up the topics a bit...
Thanks (continuing editing lol) -SwiftStrike

----

"The tail of her black cat-like thin braid starts jumping around, she clings to the back of the chair while a rain of tears is starting to spill. "
--At this point, you changed to using present-tense verbs from past-tense verbs, but then you change back to past tense. Which one should it be?

"'Garden of Apples', 'Swing of Flowers' are just fine,"
--"'Garden of Apples' '''and''' 'Swing of Flowers' are just fine,"

"the stopwatch '''clicks out a sound'''."
--"the stopwatch '''starts to tick'''."

"After she '''brings''' the composition I had finished"
--What? She's not taking it instead?

"put it into her mouth, and she starts chewing it. "
--"put it into her mouth, and starts chewing it. "

"she '''deliciously''' eats the words"
--Deliciously usually describes the subject in a way like "a deliciously-made dinner" where "dinner" would be the thing that is pleasing. For you to say that she "deliciously eats the words", it sounds like you're calling Tooko delicious. Are you?

"on the '''paper''' and printed books all the while '''dripping''' happily with vast knowledge."
--"on the '''papers''' and printed books all the while '''dripping''' happily with vast knowledge."
--Dripping?

"so much that I eat them, I'm just an ordinary 'Literature Girl'"
--"so much that I eat them -- I'm just an ordinary 'Literature Girl'"

"Tooko-senpai is exactly the good-old version of literature girl,"
--"Tooko-senpai is exactly like '''the''' good-old version of '''a''' literature girl,"

"an elegant young lady"
--"an elegant''',''' young lady"

"'''suited''' with a violet flower '''with her long thin braid which reaches''' her waist, "
--"'''sporting''' a violet flower '''and long thin braids that reach''' her waist"

"faultless slender figure"
--"a faultless, slender figure"

"and parts which is visible to the eye. "
--Huh?

"However, on the inside''',''' she is a glutton and chatterbox, brimming with curiosity, '''loves''' to push her neck into anything, a really troublesome senior. "
--"However, on the inside she is a glutton and '''a''' chatterbox, brimming with curiosity, '''and who loves''' to push her neck into anything. '''A really troublesome senior indeed'''. "

"Even though my chest tightened with expectations of a bittersweet story."
--My chest tightened, expecting a bittersweet story.

"For you to write a slowly degrading story about a boy who jumps into an automatic washing machine, and '''reached''' the apple garden at the end of the world, '''then''' an apple tree with a human face shrieking while he is swinging on the flower-swing is just.."
--"For you to write a slowly degrading story about a boy who jumps into an automatic washing machine, '''reaching''' the apple garden at the end of the world, '''only to find''' an apple tree with a human face shrieking while he is swinging on the flower-swing is just.."

"Uu, when I thought of tasting the delicious fresh cream of apple pie, instead of apples''',''' '''it's''' actually stuffed with red hot boiled noodles, and instead of sprinkles of cinnamon powder, it '''taste''' like '''the''' blend of seven spices."
--"Uu, when I thought of tasting the delicious''',''' fresh cream of '''an''' apple pie, instead of apples it '''was''' actually stuffed with '''red-hot''' boiled noodles, and instead of sprinkles of cinnamon powder, it '''tasted''' like '''it was sprinkled with a''' blend of seven spices."

"Apparently the stimulation of freshly severed head of apple is '''quite''' strong that her nose is still dripping. "
--"Apparently''',''' the stimulation of freshly severed '''head of apple''' is '''so''' strong that her nose is still dripping. "

"I don't have blonde hair nor blue eyes, I'm not even wearing a fluttering blouse!"
--"I don't have blonde hair nor blue eyes -- I'm not even wearing a fluttering blouse!"

"I want to eat '''short collection stories of Aiken.'''"
--Is that the name of a collection? If not, an "a" should go in front.

"I want to eat 'A Necklace of Raindrops'''',''' I want to eat 'There's Some Sky in this Pie'''',''' I want to eat 'The Three Travelers'''',''' I want to eat them''',''' I want to eat them''',''' I want to eat them———!"
--"I want to eat 'A Necklace of Raindrops'''';''' I want to eat 'There's Some Sky in this Pie'''';''' I want to eat 'The Three Travelers''''--''' I want to eat them''';''' I want to eat them''';''' I want to eat them———!"

"While still being amazed I said to her"
--"While still being amazed, I said to her"

"and how they told the '''other''' about the story of their vacation"
--"and how they told the '''others''' about the story of their vacation"

"And then''',''' her face become bright again and '''starts to talks''' with full spirit. "
--"And then her face become bright again''',''' and '''she started''' to '''talk''' with full spirit.

"a story about '''appearing children''' are charming like the ginger '''cookie''' their mother baked."
--"a story about '''children appearing who '''are charming like the ginger '''cookies''' their mother baked."

"she blissfully '''muttered'''"
--"Muttered" seems to be a sort of low and hidden way of speaking, as if the speaker didn't really want to speak, or be heard. Tooko doesn't really seem like this at this point. Maybe something like "quipped" or "exclaimed" would work better.

"She always '''looked''' so happy whenever she talks about food."
--""She always '''looks''' so happy whenever she talks about food.""

"Her face turns with extreme bliss as she turns the book page."
--"Her face filled with extreme bliss as she turned the pages."

--[[User:Corti|Corti]] 23:10, 27 January 2010 (UTC) (Geh... '''Still''' not finished!)

Talk:Bungaku Shoujo:Volume1 Epilogue

2010-01-26T03:09:31Z

Corti: Some edits, and a few questions.

"Dasai wrote many wonderful stories; you can’t die until '''you''' read them all." 
--"Dasai wrote many wonderful stories; you can’t die until '''you've''' read them all. 

"but my tears wouldn’t '''stopp''' coming out." 
--"but my tears wouldn’t '''stop''' coming out." 

"my expression must have resembled a monkey in the zoo, or like a '''new born''' baby, '''both''' look appallingly silly!" 
--"my expression must have resembled a monkey in the zoo, or like a '''new-born''' baby, '''both of which''' look appallingly silly! 

"But instead I reached out my own hand and held the hands of those two people. " 
--"But instead''',''' I reached out my own hand and held the hands of those two people." 

"Then I got stiffly scolded for playing around." 
--"Then''',''' I got stiffly scolded for playing around." 

"The rumours about me almost immediately spread throughout my school." 
--"Rumours about me spread almost instantly throughout my school." 

"Thanks to that I became infamous overnight." 
--"Thanks''',''' to that I became infamous overnight." 

"No matter whether it’s school or society, this rule will probably hold." 
--"It doesn't matter whether it's school, or society - this rule will probably still hold true." 

"It is hard for '''a man''' to change." 
--"It's hard for '''people''' to change." 

"'''From now on''' I will still wear a clown mask and live by lying to the world." 
--It says "From now on..." even though she's already been wearing a mask? 

"But I don’t feel ashamed about it anymore." 
--"However, I'm no longer ashamed of it." 

"I too think that we should put some distance between us." 
--"I too''',''' think that we should put some distance between us." 

"In the future, if someone '''can see''' through my clown mask, I plan on puffing up my chest, and answering with laughter- ‘Yes, you are totally correct. You have sharp eyes!’" 
--"In the future, if someone '''sees''' through my clown mask I plan on puffing up my chest, and answering with laughter- ‘Yes, you are totally correct. You have sharp eyes!’" 

"Another week has passed since we saved Takeda-san on the '''roof top'''." 
--"Another week has passed since we saved Takeda-san on the '''rooftop'''." 

"“Oh yeah, Konoha-senpai mentioned about used to be a girl?” " 
--"“Oh yeah, Konoha-senpai mentioned about '''how [he/you]''' used to be a girl?”"
 
"“On the roof you said you used to be a mysterious bishoujo." 
--"“On the roof, you said you used to be a mysterious bishoujo." 

"I am very curious, '''what’s that'''?” 
--"I am very curious, '''what did she mean'''?” 

"It’s possible this is a real expression of Takeda-san that she never showed others before. " 
--"It’s possible this is a real expression of Takeda-san''''s''' that she never showed others before. " 

"“Eheh, I will treat them as my '''treasure'''.” " 
--"“Eheh, I will treat them as my '''treasures'''.” " 
 
"The thing that was brushing '''against is''' not a cat tail; '''it’s''' one of '''the braids of Tooko-senpai'''. " 
"The thing that was brushing '''against my neck was''' not a cat tail; '''it was''' one of '''Tooko-senpai's braids'''. " 
 
"I don’t know when but Tooko-senpai had come back from the library" 
--"I don’t know when''',''' but Tooko-senpai had come back from the library" 

"She looked at the book with a '''lost in thought''' expression." 
--"She looked at the book with a '''"lost in thought"''' expression." 

"Even when I grabbed her braids she didn’t even notice." 
---"Even when I grabbed her braids''',''' she didn’t even notice." 

"Our distance was so close that if I leaned backward just a bit I could kiss her. " 
--""Our distance was so close that if I leaned backward just a bit''',''' I could kiss her. " 

"Now that she was in this '''trance state''', anything I say would be ignored. " 
--"Now that she was in this '''trance-like state''', anything I say would be ignored. " 

"The ears of the bungaku shoujo cannot hear '''any words''' anymore. " 
--"The ears of the bungaku shoujo cannot hear '''words''' anymore. " 

"As I savor the violet sweet scent of Tooko-senpai, as I feel her bodily warmth, as I let her soft braids brush against my neck, together in this room, dyed by the sunset, we read Takeda-san’s report together. " 
--"As I savored Tooko-senpai's violet sweet scent, as I felt her body warmth, as I let her soft braids brush against my neck, in this room dyed by the sunset, we read TAkeda-san's report together." 

"When the faint golden sunset turned '''into crimson red''', we finally finished reading. " 
--"When the faint golden sunset turned '''crimson red''', we finally finished reading. " 

"Then she realized that my face was red and my body was frozen stiff, '''she quickly backed away from me.''' " 
--"Then she realized my face was red and my body was frozen stiff, '''and quickly backed away from me.''' " 

"By reflex she jerked backward. " 
--"She reflexively jerked backwards." 

"“Then, here it is for you to enjoy, milady.” " 
--“Then here it is for you to enjoy, milady.” 

"Her fair skin, uniform, and her braids, they were all shaded with a lonesome sunset color. " 
--"Her fair skin, her uniform, her braids, they were all shaded with a lonesome sunset color. " 

"Wouldn’t it be great if she could be somewhere laughing as well. " 
-- Is this a question? 

"Even if we can never meet again, as long as she, under this '''sunset sky''', can smile somewhere… " 
--"Even if we can never meet again, as long as she, under this '''sunset-lit sky''', can smile somewhere… " 

"I laid open the '''binded''' genkoo yoshi and started writing. " 
--"I laid open the '''bound''' genkoo yoshi and started writing. " 

"I too continued on writing on the draft paper. " 
-- Is he calling his short story a draft, or is that another name for genkoo yoshi? 

"Would there be the day, when I would hold a pen again for a novel?" 
--"Will there be a day when I will once again hold a pen for a novel?" 

"What would I write about- Right now I do not know. " 
--"What would I write about... Right now, I don't know. " 

There are a number of times where Konoha is thinking to himself, and the tense changes out of nowhere. Should it be in present, or past tense?

Also, and this is just a minor thing, but people do not normally speak so formally. By formally, I'm talking about the lack of contractions. They're not '''wrong''', but it sounds a lot more relaxed if "I will" was turned into "I'll" or "I am" into "I'm".

--[[User:Corti|Corti]] 03:09, 26 January 2010 (UTC)
(Come yell at me if I messed up.)

User talk:Corti

2010-01-19T02:36:56Z

Corti: New page: ===Apparently...=== ...you can yell at me here too. Who knew? I sure didn't. Once again, yell at me if I make a mistake.

===Apparently...===
...you can yell at me here too. Who knew? I sure didn't. Once again, yell at me if I make a mistake.

User:Corti

2010-01-19T02:24:52Z

Corti:

===Noob===
I'm new to editing, so if I make a mistake please go yell at me.

===You can find me on...===
AIM - CorticarteL 
IRC - Corti (lurking on Rizon is fun!) 
My House - 1237 K... no, nevermind. 

...

If all else fails, email me at [AIM sn]@live.com (though I'm probably ignoring you...) 

If you pick the last one, be prepared to wait for months for a response.

User:Corti

2010-01-19T02:24:12Z

Corti:

==Noob==
I'm new to editing, so if I make a mistake please go yell at me.

==You can find me on...==
AIM - CorticarteL 
IRC - Corti (lurking on Rizon is fun!) 
My House - 1237 K... no, nevermind. 

...

If all else fails, email me at [AIM sn]@live.com (though I'm probably ignoring you...) 

If you pick the last one, be prepared to wait for months for a response.

User:Corti

2010-01-19T02:17:04Z

Corti: New page: I'm completely new to editing, so if I make a mistake please go yell at me. You can find me on... AIM - CorticarteL IRC - Corti (lurking on Rizon is fun!) My House - 1237 K... no, neverm...

I'm completely new to editing, so if I make a mistake please go yell at me.

You can find me on...
AIM - CorticarteL
IRC - Corti (lurking on Rizon is fun!)
My House - 1237 K... no, nevermind.

...

If all else fails, email me at [AIM sn]@live.com (though I'm probably ignoring you...)

If you pick the last one, be prepared to wait for months for a response.