Baka-Tsuki - User contributions [en]

Kamisama no Memochou:Volume 1 Chapter 3

2014-04-14T22:34:48Z

Davinciko:

==Chapter 3==

During the winter break, I started to show up at Hanamaru Ramen Shop more often, because Ayaka was usually working there. Just staying at home is really boring, anyways.

At first, Ayaka was surprised every time she saw me.

“So you can go out even when you have nothing to do?”

What kind of person does she think I am?

Hanamaru Ramen Shop was always very free in the winter, there weren’t much customers in the morning. One reason is because it’s the new year period. On the other hand, it’s because there is a chance that the ramen shop is mistaken to be an ice cream shop.

That day, Hiro, Ayaka and I were tasting Min-san’s special hemp ice cream. As I had been tasting only salty ramen the whole day, my tongue felt much better when it came in contact with the sweet taste of the hemp and vanilla ice cream. The soup that Min-san makes is now much better than what she made before, but tasting them every day is still very painful.

“Did Toshi contact you after that?”

Facing Hiro’s inquiries, Ayaka bit her spoon, knitted her brows and shook her head.

“He didn’t even come home for the new year.”

Does Ayaka know that Toshi was addicted to drugs? From last year's end until this year, quite a few cases of violence occurred in the streets. I heard that the police couldn’t make head or tails of what the suspects said, as the drug addicts' addiction of the drug made them suffer when they were in custody. I watch the news every morning and night, and the name Shinozaki Toshi could be seen on the television screen each time, as he is missing right now.

Ayaka said: “ I think my brother is probably at Hakamizaka’s place.”

“Is that person Toshi’s girlfriend?”

“No, he’s a guy! I’m not sure, but I think he’s a university student or a researcher.”

It’s impossible for brother to have a girlfriend! Ayaka said seriously, which was out of character. Although it was pitiful for Toshi to be said that he could not have a girlfriend, but actually I have the same sentiments. Only Hiro gave a contrasting opinion.

“Really? His weak personality is actually quite suited for being a gigolo. I won’t be surprised even if he’s staying at some girl’s place right now. Actually, I’m more relieved if that's the case.”

“No doubt that it’ll be more reassuring if things are so…… But it’s impossible! Brother can’t wash his clothes and can’t cook.”

“Nonono, a gigolo doesn’t need to wash clothes or cook.”

“Is that so?”

“Although they’re sometimes misunderstood, the ones that could do housework are ‘househusbands’, not gigolos. Gigolos want women to feel: ‘This guy can’t live on without me!’ so the housework is handled by the women.”

This guy is completely useless.

“Wow, I can’t do it if it were me. I would probably feel embarrassed for that and give them a hand, finish the cooking and wait for them to come back or something like that.”

“That’s right, the job of a gigolo is to bring out the motherly instinct in a woman, a normal person isn’t competent enough to do all that.”

“That’s so wonderful of you!”

It’s not wonderful at all, what nonsense is Hiro spouting? He’s an incomparably useless scum! Although I was thinking that to myself, I was lazy to correct them, so I continued to eat my hemp ice cream.

“Have you ever thought about marriage?”

“Never!”

“Why is that?”

“Actually I have a person that I truly love in my heart, so I can’t marry other women.”

“But then is it okay for you to live together with them? Don’t you feel that you’re doing something wrong on the girls?”

“I feel that I’m wronging them as well, but I couldn’t change it, this is my lifestyle.”

“Go to hell!”

“That won’t do, Fujishima-kun, you spoke out the things that you are thinking about again.”

Ah, it’s true, but never mind.

“Did you guys just mention Hakamizaka?”

A voice came from behind us. I turned over my head, and saw a person wearing a square, fur hat like those worn by the Alaskan soldiers, and a plump waterproof outer coat used in the army. I only recognized after a while that that person was Major. The goggles-styled sunglasses completely covered up his eyes, making them seem as if they’re a part of his face.

“Ah! Mukai-san, it’s been a while, happy new year! What would you like to order today?”

“I’m on duty right now.”

“What about the Chinese Garlic set?”

“Hmmm…… Okay then!”

Why did Major order something so obediently? And also, what is the Chinese Garlic set?

It was like Major couldn’t handle Ayaka. Among the people that I know, only Ayaka calls Major by his name. Every time when I hear it, I thought to myself: Who is Mukai-san?

“Finally there’s some work to do! Min-san, one Chinese naengmyeon(Note: a type of noodles), with added garlic!”

Ayaka stood up and rushed into the kitchen. Eating naengmyeon in this cold weather? Major looked as if he has just swallowed a live toad, and sat down on the gas tank that Ayaka was sitting on just now.

Hiro asked Major: “Major, did you know the person called Haka-something?”

“I think there’s a person called Hakamizaka at the research centre of our school.”

Hiro and I were taken aback and looked at each other. Hiro leaned forward and continued:

“We’ve heard that Hakamizaka is the person who’s hanging out with Toshi lately.”

Major pressed his hand against his chin and thought for a while.

“Do you know him? Then try to make some inquiries!”

“No, I’ve just heard about his name. He’s really famous! They say that he doesn’t even show up at the research centre, but his PhD thesis went through. But they might just have the same name, right? Why would Toshi hang out with this kind of people?”

“Haka-something isn’t a name that every Tom, Dick and Harry has! Toshi didn’t contact us much lately.”

“But I’ve just went to the school once today, do you want me to go again? There’s professors and students everywhere!”

Of course there’s professors and students in a university! But Major is actually a university student! This point really surprised me.

“The professors just nag me to death whenever I show up.”

“Then just leave school earlier!”

“What are you talking about? For the sake of barely staying in school, I strive to get credits that are barely enough to pass, and then skip classes, maintaining the state of not going to the next level or graduating, waiting for eight years to pass then leave school automatically.”

“…… Don’t you want to graduate?” I actually asked him that.

“Am I still considered a NEET if I graduate normally from university? Don’t you know what the second E in NEET means?” Seeing you screaming blue murder about things like this, I’m having a headache too.

“Major goes to university for the sake of searching for information.”

“That’s because history books and military information is not cheap! Letting the school library buy it is the best plan. I just ask the library to buy books for me before I leave school, until the whole room is filled with the books that I want to read, and then the room would be called the Major room.”

Just buy it yourself if you want to read it! What a troublesome student.

“That’s right, let me tell you, the books that are in this time are about battle submarines that can emit signals!”

“Oh yeah, Major, didn’t you go to school because of Alice’s request?”

Major opened the bag and turned it upside down, and the papers inside fell out onto the crate that we used as a table.

“You guys want to see the photocopied information, huh? You’re holding that upside down.”

“I don’t understand this.”

“I, myself, don’t understand it as well.”

I went over to look at the papers that Hiro was holding, the color photocopied paper had a tall, red flower on it, and words were closely packed around the plant.

“You know that drugs are running rampant in the streets right now, right? This is what Yondaime requested Alice to investigate. I’ve heard that it isn’t anything good. Toshi wouldn’t be taking these, would he……”

I was taken aback, and thought of the pink pills that were used to block the twinkling lights of the Christmas decorations, which had wings of angels and two English letters on it. After taking the pills, he claimed that it was a legal medication that could make things ‘look as if they’re not moving’. What was its name again? What was it called? It was at the tip of my tongue, but I still couldn’t remember it.

“Ah, that is……”

“Mukai-san, sorry for the wait.”

Ayaka served Major his naengmyeon, interrupting my words. I swallowed back what I was about to say, because I didn’t want Ayaka to hear it. Hiro showed a confused expression and tilted his head. I hastily shook my head.

“What is it?” Ayaka came over to look, and I speedily snatched the paper from Hiro’s hands and turned it over.

“That’s so bad of you! What are you hiding, Fujishima-kun?”

“Nothing! Nothing at all.”

At this moment, a customer finally appeared in the shop. Ayaka hurriedly put on her apron and went to serve him, allowing me to heave a sigh of relief.

“What is it? What’s with you, Narumi?”

Just as I was about to answer, the blaring ringtone of ‘COLORADOBULLDOG’ rang in the shop. Major’s skinny body jumped almost a meter high, while Hiro hurriedly took out his phone, but Major was faster.

“I know that you’re here, so don’t talk rubbish with the others downstairs. Hurry up and get here! It’s urgent! And Hiro, hurry up and dive the car to the front, quick!”

Even I could hear Alice’s voice at the other side of the phone clearly, showing how painful Major’s ears are right now. As Major was about to answer her, she hung up.

“Alice is also in a bad mood today, huh?” Hiro raised his head and looked at the worn-out building behind him.

“Don’t you know? Every twenty nine days, Alice would get into a mentally unstable state for five days, this is the result of my detailed investigation so it can’t be wrong. As for the reason, I’m still not sure of that.”

Isn’t the reason obviously because of the girls’ period? But seeing Major triumphantly speaking of all that to Hiro, I couldn’t tell that to them.

“Every twenty nine days, so today is the second day.”

“I’ll go drive the car over here. What would be the matter, I wonder?”

Hiro left, leaving a silent Major. I tilted my head. Alice isn’t that scary, is she? She seemed like she’s in a bad mood everyday, anyways! After I said that, and was fiercely glared at by Major, whose eyes were hidden beneath the goggles.

Finally, Major said seriously:

“Do you know vice-admiral Jisaburo Ozawa? He’s the last Commander in Chief of Combined Fleet of the Japanese Navies.”

“Never heard of him.”

“Then don’t you know about the naval battle that occurred during the Second World War at Leyte Gulf, Phillipines? It is considered to be the largest naval battle in the world, and Vice-Admiral Ozawa used his team as bait to lure the enemy away , and successfully shifted the attention of the American forces away from Leyte.”

“Ah?”

“So we’re counting on you, Vice-Admiral Fujishima.” Who’s the vice-admiral? “Let’s meet at the Yakusuni Shrine!”

“Refused!”
<center>*</center>

In the end, I went with Major. As soon as I stepped into Alice’s room, I saw her curled in her blanket, looking as though she was going to cry.

“Mocha Bear’s ear has fallen off!”

A huge, tea-colored teddy bear was placed at the front of the bed. No matter how you look at it, it was larger than Alice, but that might be because she’s too petite. As Alice said, the thread holding together the bear’s right ear has burst, exposing the cotton that was hidden in the seams.

“Careful! Carefully place it into the box! Stuff it full of towels! Narumi, don’t touch the wound! What if you enlarge the wound!”

Following Alice’s directions that were full of yelling and crying, Major and I placed the hurt plushie into a big cardboard box stuffed full of rolled up towels in the seams of the box. The huge, wrapped up box is indeed a thing that couldn’t be handled by just a person.

Major asked: “So it’ll be okay if we just bring this to Yondaime’s?”

“Tell him to fix it by tonight, this concerns my life!”

Alice said with tears in her eyes. Why would they hand it to Yondaime? How does this concern her life? Questions swirled around in my mind, but the atmosphere does not allow me to ask them.

“And here’s the information that you asked me to find.”

Alice took the transparent file from Major, read it as fast as if she’s reading manga, then extracted a portion of the photocopied papers and threw it at me.

“What are you spacing out for? Don’t you know what to do with this if I didn’t tell you to hand this to Yondaime as well?”

Major and I fled the room with the box containing Alice’s precious bear.

<center>*</center>

Hiro’s car was a dark blue, high classed imported car, and doesn’t seem to be something that could be owned by a nineteen year old guy.

“It’s because I’m the only one that has a car, although I didn’t buy it myself.”

He explained that it was a gift from his girlfriend, and it was from his ex-ex-ex-girlfriend. This guy would probably get a knife in his chest by a woman one day.

“But driving there is a suicidal action……” I looked at the other side of the railway, which had grand lights lighting up the night skies. There were three roads at the south side of the station, and there were always traffic jams there.

“Speaking of which, just bringing this box over there with this car also counts as a suicidal action, doesn’t it?”

I lowered my head and looked at the large box containing the plushie. Hiro had a point. Actually, we could just tie the box at the back of a motorbike and send it there, but Major said that he needed to go back to his school for awhile, and rode the motorbike away. It seemed like he wanted to investigate this Hakamizaka guy.

We stuffed the box into the backseat, used the safety belt to keep it still and went back to the front seat.

“Is that bear really that important?”

“Alice can’t sleep without it at night.”

“Ah?” Things got that bad, just because of that? “But why are we taking it to Yondaime?”

“Ah— about Yondaime, he looks fierce and all, but he has an interest in arts and crafts. He helped Alice to fix the plushie once before, and his skill is top notch. That was also the first time for me to see Yondaime sewing.”

“Who……”

The car soundlessly drove on the streets. The night view has become a river formed by streetlights.

“Who on Earth is that guy?”

“Have you ever heard of the Hirasaka-gumi?"

I do have a faint impression of the name, as it would come up between conversations in school.

“Are they a motorcycle gang?”

“Nono, they’re not a motorcycle gang. They’re just a gang formed from a bunch of kids who likes to fight or to follow the crowd in this district, a self-proclaimed yakuza gang. Yondaime is their leader.”

Hiro said in a casual manner. But even I, who just moved here, know of the existence of the Hirasaka-gumi, so shouldn’t they be quite a large organization?

“Is it because Yondaime is the forth generation of the organization that he is called Yondaime?”

“No, he’s the first leader of the Hirasaka-gumi. He founded Hirasaka-gumi, and so the only person who could control their members is him.”

“Eh? Then why is he called Yondaime?”

“Because he is the forth generation in his hometown, Kansai. It seemed that he ran away from home, and that place is where the true yakuza truly lies."

Whoa, really? Then why didn’t he just stay home and be their forth generation leader?

“He’ll get angry whenever someone calls him Yondaime, but Alice felt amused about that so she deliberately called him Yondaime. That ended up being his nickname between us.”

“You guys really went too far……”

I muttered to myself, and Hiro laughed while patting at the gear he was holding.

“He’s even worse than us! But nobody can beat her, no matter it is Yondaime or us, understand?”

I thought of the snow white skin that was like a Japanese doll, large eyes and long hair as black as molasses. I get what Hiro meant, as I couldn’t win against her.

“But you should refrain from mentioning this to other people, because Yondaime will kill you. Hirasaka-gumi is a self-proclaimed chivalrous organization, and are very adamant, so they won’t forgive those who misuse drugs.”

I remembered something.

“Hiro, do you remember what the drug is called?”

“Nope…… Ah, I’ve forgotten, it should be written on the information gathered by Major, shouldn’t it?”

I skimmed through the papers that we were supposed to give to Yondaime. The rather complicated chemical equations and content written in professional terms made my head spin. Repeating the same action, excitement, overly-alert, insomnia, rising blood pressure, sharp ears, slack pupils…… The side-effects of the drug were densely packed on the paper, telling people how dangerous it is to consume it, the name of the drug, which was the most important to me, was not written on it.

I hope that it's just my groundless fears.

<center>*</center>

The office of Hirasaka-gumi was situated at a somewhat dirty building, after driving on the slope that was at the left side of the main street in front of the station. The building was just beside the fork on the slope.

We parked the car at the parking lot and took out the box. We went on the cramped elevator that was making a noise like the painful panting of old men, up till the forth floor. As soon as we walked out of the elevator, we could see the long, straight signboard hung beside the metal door, and the words ‘Hirasaka-gumi” was solemnly written on it. A swallowtail butterfly-shaped logo of the gang was drawn in a round, black frame…… Wait, it shouldn’t be the logo of their gang, but the emblem of their organization. I was really freaked out, they aren’t really yakuzas, are they? But without even using the doorbell, Hiro straightaway opened the door and went in.

The door in the room was somewhat smaller than the doors in a classroom, and looked even smaller because of the cupboards arranged by the wall, the sofa at the center of the room and the tables. Four or five guys wearing black T-shirts were originally sitting down, but suddenly stood up at the same time.

“Second brother(Note: not sure about this), thanks for your hard work!”

“Thanks for your hard work!”

They saluted Hiro. I couldn’t help but take a step back, nearly dropping the box in the process. What is with this situation? Second brother?

The people wearing black T-shirts were quite young, at most they’re at the age when they’ve just graduated from high school. They had skin that was dyed into a dark color, bleached hair and had piercings in their ears. They looked just like ordinary young people who would gather at the streets of the street center every night. The only thing different with them is that there was an emblem printed on top of their T-shirts.

Hiro answered: “ Don’t call me that! I’ve said that loads of times, don’t call me second brother.”

“But you and Sou-san are just like brothers. Here, let me help you to take your stuff.”

While saying that, Yondaime’s bodyguard – Rocky placed the box onto the ground.

“Well, forget about it, I’ve dated quite a lot of girls before, so in some way, I’m a brother to Yondaime.” How does that count as being his brother?

“Hiro, you really don't want to live anymore, do you?”

Yondaime opened the door to the right and walked out. That day, he was wearing a purple vest, and you can see a tattoo of their emblem on his right shoulder.

“Aren’t you here to hand me an investigation report? What’s with this large box? It isn’t stuffed full of reports, is it?” Yondaime sat down on the chair behind the table and said lazily. Hiro shook his head and tore away the tape on the box.

“Nono, this is Alice’s request. Her doll’s ear dropped off and she wanted someone to fix it.”

Hearing Hiro’s words, Yondaime almost jumped up a few feet, just like a spring. He jumped over the table and leaped in front of me in a flash, pressed down the box that was about to be opened, and glared ferociously at Hiro.

“Don’t you know that? You can’t speak of that thing here!”

“Sou-san, what’s in the box?”

“Nothing! Carry the box to my car, and don’t look inside. If you look, I’ll beat you up until you forget about it!”

Yondaime’s imposing manner was just like a hurricane, and he threw the car keys to another man. “Yes, sir! I’ll go hone my manliness right away!” He picked up the keys and saluted. How could you even hone your manliness while moving a cardboard box anyway?

“This is ane-san’s stuff, so we should move it carefully.”

Ane-san would be Alice, right? Did they watch too many strange movies or something? The box was taken out by two guys wearing black T-shirts. Did we just do some meaningless labor? I raised my head and looked at Hiro. He was laughing sneakily. Oh~ So he deliberately moved it here to annoy Yondaime…… He told me not to tell anyone, but he himself wanted to tease Yondaime.

“You’ll have to fix it by tonight.”

“I know! I’ll send it there after I fix it.”

Anyhow, he’s still a yakuza boss, but he would actually spend the night fixing a doll for a pajamas-clad hikkikomori? It’s such a mystery, what the heck is with this situation? I looked at the people in the room, thinking that they would probably be very surprised if they know that, huh?

“Do you know it too? Hiro told you about that, didn’t he?”

Yondaime grabbed my shirt by the collar.

“Know what?”

“Know that thing! That!” At this moment, I suddenly felt like teasing him.

“Eh? Which matter do you mean by that?” “Don’t you know it? It’s my…… that!” “You keep mentioning that, but how would I know what’s that when you don’t say it clearly?” “Don’t play the fool! Idiot, how could I possibly say it out myself!” “Eh? But I’m not sure, so why don’t you just tell me the possible answers?” “Narumi, I know that you’re very amused right now, but Yondaime would be very distressed if you don’t stop talking!” “I’ll be the one distressed if I stop talking!” “Here’s the investigation report.”

Hiro handed Yondaime the transparent file, as though nothing happened just now. Yondaime tossed me to the floor and snatched the folder. “Hey! Get me the folder from the hospital.” Yondaime commanded. A man wearing a black T-shirt walked into the room and handed us a sea blue folder.

Returning to the other side of the table, Yondaime looked at the two folders with a serious expression on his face. Hiro went closer to have a look and asked:

“What’s this?”

“It’s the symptoms for the people who were hospitalized this month or so for taking drugs, we’re investigating that as well.”

“That’s quite patient of you…… Oh yeah, you could just compare it with Alice’s information.”

“Right…… Hmm, this guy is……” Yondaime’s finger moved along the information of the drug effects, and then pointed at the papers in the sea blue folder. “…… We guessed correctly. The effects of the drug is too long to be MDMA, while stimulants can’t be taken directly, and the patient is young too.”

“Is it Fix?”

Rocky the bodyguard asked while peeking at the side.

“We won’t know if we don’t ask. He’s at N Hospital, so let’s go!”

Yondaime’s words caused all of the black-shirts to stand up and put on jackets. It felt as though the atmosphere in the room changed completely like a light was suddenly turned on.

…… Fix?

The memory of that moment finally surfaced, the carving of the letters A.F at the bottom of an angel’s wings. Toshi have said that, angels would not have preferential treatment on humans.

“…… Angel Fix?”

Because of my mutterings, Yondaime fiercely turned around, scaring me until I couldn’t even straighten my back.

“Why do you know of Angel Fix?”

“Eh….. That, that’s because……”

Yondaime took hold of my collar, and Hiro answered for me with his face green:

“That day I was with Toshi…… That guy……”

“Hey, so the things that Toshi was holding on to were pills? Round ones, you sure?”

Yondaime tightly held my collar, and pulled it until it almost couldn’t rise up higher. Being caught, I nodded fervently. Hiro took hold of Yondaime’s hand, trying to pull him away from me.

“Stop that! Do you want to kill him? What’s with the pills?”

Yondaime tossed me to the sofa, and I could only cough violently while keeping a hand on the floor for support. Yondaime’s voice sounded from above me.

“Didn’t Alice tell you anything? The way of selling Angel Fix was very special, and didn’t have any fixed way of selling them. The people who bought them crushed them into powder, and then sold them to other people that they know. It was like they didn’t even want to earn money, so we couldn’t find the source of the drug. The only thing that we are sure of is, the source of the drug is a person with the round pills.”

Yondaime stopped talking for a moment and looked at me.

“Is Toshi the person who directly bought the pills, or is he the person who’s selling them?”

Putting on the white coat that his lackeys handed him, Yondaime swiftly sent orders using a phone. Some of them went to the hospital while some of them went to search for Toshi. Yondaime and some of his lackeys stayed at the office while the others hastily walked out of it.

“Just go home, Narumi!”

Hiro pulled at the collar of my sports jacket, and only then did I woke up from my stupor.

“You guys aren’t looking for….. Toshi, are you?”

“I don’t even know where he is.”

“But……”

If I have noticed earlier……

“What are you dawdling there for? Hurry up and go home, don’t get in our way.”

Yondaime’s tone was harsh, so Hiro could only drag me out by the arms, but my legs didn’t move. Shouldn’t there be something that I can help with? Although I’m not really clear about Toshi’s problem, but the person who spoke to him last before he disappeared was me. There should be something that I can help with.

“There’s nothing that needs your help. Hurry up and scram. There’s already someone dead because of the drug.”

Yondaime answered sternly.

“But……”

It’s all my fault, if I caught hold of Toshi properly, all of this would be okay. If only I remembered the name of the drug earlier and discussed it with someone……

“Narumi……”

It looked as if Hiro, who was at my back, was going to say something, but was halted by Yondaime’s raised hand. I felt like I was going to be bitten to death by him, so I could only shut my mouth and lowered my head. The sound of the lackey’s footsteps disappeared from the door. I secretly raised my head again.

Yondaime was originally standing at the other side of the sofa, but his wolfish eyes suddenly appeared again before me. I suffered a heavy punch in the stomach, and could not help but to bend my back, saliva dripping out of my open jaw. Yondaime used the hand that he just punched me with to support me and harshly hurled me back to the sofa.

“If that was a knife, you’re already dead. Don’t be so cocky, kid. A normal person will only get in our way if they get hurt when taking part in an investigation, so you’d better get lost!”

After Yondaime walked out of the room, I leant against Hiro’s shoulders and stood up again.

<center>*</center>

The sun had already set by the time we returned to the ramen shop It was as though we could touch the cold air that was accumulated between the buildings. Only the surroundings of the curtains of ‘Hanamaru Ramen Shop’, which had streetlights shining on it, had some warmth there. I dumbfounded for a moment while looking at the lights.

Walking to the back door of the kitchen, the silhouette that was sitting on a pile of old tires was Tetsu-senpai, wearing a short-sleeved shirt. Holding a bowl, senpai turned around, and there were only the sounds of him eating ramen in the darkness.

“Where’s Hiro?”

“He’s parking his car.”

I sat down on the worn out tires, and stopped talking. Senpai finished the salt flavored ramen together with the soup, then took out a crumpled up pachinko magazine from his back.

Isn’t he going to ask about Toshi? Or did he already know but doesn’t care? Am I the only one who’s like an idiot that thinks that I’m involved in this matter?

“What is it?”

I don’t know if he just noticed my gaze, but Tetsu-senpai shifted his attention from the magazine to me.

“Do you already know about Toshi?”

“Yondaime called just now. Toshi is such an idiot.”

“You guys were…… friends, right?”

“We’re friends now, too, as long as he is willing to come.” Tetsu-senpai laughed after saying that.

Then, aren’t you worried of him?

The smile disappeared from senpai’s face, as though he noticed what I wanted to say.

“That guy didn’t come seek for our help, did he? We don’t even know where he is, so we could only stay out of this matter.”

But, I had this feeling – he might have sunk into a seriously helpless state, and that it’d be best if someone could hear his soundless voice. But at least I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t do anything.

“My eyes exist for the purpose of taking note of the number 7s that lie side by side, while looking for a kid that’s addicted to drugs is Yondaime’s job.”

After saying all that, he sank into his pachinko magazine again.

Was this guy really a boxer……?

I suddenly stood up, and went closer to Tetsu-senpai. Almost at the same moment that he raised his head from his magazine, I threw a punch at senpai’s stomach, and uttered a late sound. My fist was blocked by Tetsu-senpai’s large left hand.

“What are you doing?”

Tetsu-senpai didn’t sound angry at all. I shaked my head and squatted down.

“…… Tetsu-senpai, please teach me boxing.”

“Why do you want to learn how to box all for a sudden?”

“No particular reason.”

I know that I’m just a feeble kid, but I still feel depressed when I know this fact clearly. It can’t be helped, I couldn’t do anything in reality.

That’s right, I should tell Ayaka about what happened to Toshi. But how should I tell her that? While thinking, I looked for Ayaka from the kitchen to outside the shop, but I couldn’t see her anywhere.

“Min-san, where’s Ayaka?”

I poked my head into the kitchen backdoor and asked. Min-san answered without getting her eyes off her pot on the flames:

“She went home early just now. She looked like she’s very ill, did something happen to her?”

Went home early?

I looked at Tetsu-senpai’s face.

“She’s not here when I came.”

It couldn’t be because she already knew about Toshi taking drugs? It’s impossible. Then what could be the matter? Or did she eat the leftover hemp ice cream alone, and then had a stomachache?

I leant my back against the gas tank and squatted down. My mood right now was as though I’ve walking around the wrong place and then going to a dead end, then repeating the same situation again.

I lowered my head, and the phone in my pocket started to quiver.

“I’ve heard from Yondaime. But let’s not talk about how you forgot about such important information first. Where’s Ayaka? I couldn’t get to her phone.”

Am I imagining things? Alice’s voice sounded extremely cold.

“…… It looks like she went home early because she felt ill.”

“Went home early, huh? This is bad, she’s the only clue for contacting Toshi. The third semester starts tomorrow, right? If you see her in school tomorrow, tell her to call me immediately. Although I don’t really think the siblings are in contact……”

At that moment, I recalled the night that Toshi called Ayaka. He said that he was calling from Hakamizaka’s phone.

“Why didn’t you say so earlier? I’ve really had enough of your dim-wittedness, I really don’t know what to compare your brain to. Comparing to the speed that your brain processes, the speed that stalactites grow at could be considered quicker.”

Being cruelly chided, my whole body almost curled into a ball.

“When was that last call? Try to think of an exact time.”

“It should be…… Before seven. Why are you asking me about the time?”

“I could find out who they are just by checking the phone log. Since we can’t get to Toshi’s phone, we would have a breakthrough if we could just find out Hakamizaka’s way of contact.”

Checking the phone log? But how?

“But Ayaka said that there’s no number displayed.”

“So what? It’s just not displayed on Ayaka’s phone, but there would still be a record at the telecommunication center!”

How can you check such a thing? Isn’t that a crime?

“Aren’t you somewhat looking down on NEET detectives?

Alice hung up.

I stared at my cold phone for awhile. Which reminds me, I think she said that she’s a hacker or something like that. She could investigate my file even with Dr. Pepper in one hand, and humming a song through her nose, right? But shouldn’t it be impossible for her to investigate the records of the telecommunication center?

It’s useless if I worry. The only thing that I could do is to tell Ayaka about Toshi’s problem, at least telling her this is my duty. But how should I say it? Your brother is currently addicted to drugs so don’t go near to him, could I tell her something like this?

I don’t know. I don’t have the confidence to tell her about this.

<center>*</center>

On the day of the opening ceremony, Ayaka didn’t go to school. I was worried that she had a bad flu, but she didn’t answer the phone when I called. It couldn’t be helped. I could only take care of the garden and the plants alone, while ignoring the greenhouse.

Ayaka didn’t go to school the next day too. Looking for her at the ramen shop, she wasn’t there too.

“She doesn’t seem like a person who would be absent for no reason.” Min-san knitted her brows. As she was extremely busy serving and washing the dishes, I gave her a hand in washing up the dishes.

The day when I finally saw Ayaka was the fifth day of the new semester, a Friday. I immediately went to the rooftop after school, and saw a familiar silhouette. With a black armband on her left arm, Ayaka was watering the plants. I was taken aback when I saw Ayaka, who turned her head over. Obviously nothing changed for her, but she looked like someone else for a moment.

“I’m sorry for being absent without a reason.”

“Did you get flu?”

“Yeah, that’s right. It’s probably just flu.”

She gave me a faint smile, one that even I knew that it was fake.

“It seemed like you did the club activities properly when I’m not here.”

“I’m a club member, after all!”

“Thank you, Fujishima-kun.” Ayaka showed me a transparent smile that made people feel helpless. “But if you would put on the armband, I would be even happier.”

“No, that’s too embarrassing. Hey! Stop that!”

Ayaka took off her own armband and started to attack me, trying to put it on my left hand.

“You must wear it the whole day, that’s an order from the club president.”

Ayaka looked really happy that day. She taught me a lot of things, like how to prune, pick seeds, types of fertilizers and floriography, until I almost couldn’t remember them all. Seeing Ayaka like that, I couldn’t help but have an urge to ask her for a few times: “Did something happen to you?” I originally wanted to tell Ayaka about Toshi, but didn’t do so as I didn’t know how to tell that to her.

Finally, it was already sunset. The clock on the school building opposite to this building said that it was four forty-five. We sat side by side on the railings and looked at the evening sky.

“Do you have any siblings?”

Ayaka asked.

“A sister.”

“Really? How’s your relationship with her?”

“Not really good. Recently I kept going home late, so I kept getting scolded. But sister would always make dinner for me, so its still okay, I guess?”

“Your sister is the only one cooking? What about your parents?”

“My father is only home for about five days in a year, while my mother’s already dead.”

“Ah – sorry.”

“Why is it that whenever I answer that my mom is dead, everyone apologizes to me?” I said. “Why? I’m not even angry. Or is it only normal being angry now?”

“Hmmm…… Hmm?” Ayaka’s eyes wandered. “I don’t think you need to force yourself to get angry.”

“Really? I don’t know what they mean by normal.”

“You don’t need to feel that you have some kind of handicap!”

“That’s because your words made me feel handicapped.”

Ayaka laughed dryly.

“That’s just a lie. As I don’t really know how talk to the others, actually I only wanted to talk to you.”

I felt Ayaka’s gaze on my face, but I couldn’t turn my face over.

“I didn’t go to school when I was in middle school, but just studied at home. After I went to high school, I just feel that…… feel that I should start over. Until about May or so, I passed my time at the rooftop during recess and after school. After that, I tried to chat with the others and avoid coming to the rooftop. But I still felt very lonely in my heart, and could only feel happy when I’m gardening.

Ayaka raised her head to look at the setting sun.

“One day, I came back to the rooftop because of despair, but I found that you were here.”

When did that happen, I wonder? Much earlier than when I noticed Ayaka, she had already knew who I was.

“That time I wanted to look for you and have a talk, but I didn’t have a chance. So I moved a few plants to the rooftop and pretended to stay at the rooftop because of club activities.”

I almost couldn’t breathe at this moment.

“I’m probably clumsier than you. Although you might not feel it, I’m really thankful to you. So, when spring comes –”

Ayaka stopped and gazed at the soil full of weeds.

When spring comes?

What on Earth was the matter? Ayaka’s really strange today. Saying all these things that make people feel uncomfortable, something DID happen, right? I must ask her about this.

But as I was about to speak, there was a sound that indicated that someone was opening the door to the rooftop.

A person wearing a pale green coat and unforgettably long hear appeared at the door. It was the consultant teacher for the Gardening Club – Sayuri-sensei (because everyone calls her by her name, I don’t know what teacher’s surname is) .

“Ah, both of you are here.”

Wearing high-heeled shoes, Sayuri-sensei ran unsteadily while waving at us.

“Shinozaki, did you take leave because of flu?”

“I’m okay already.”

Ayaka showed a nervous smile while saying.

“Really? Then that’s great. That’s right, you should clear the plants at the rooftop.”

Ayaka frowned and said: “Is there going to be any activities there?”

“The group photo for the graduation yearbook. I’ve heard that we would assemble at the rooftop, and the photo would be taken from above on a helicopter.”

Sayuri-sensei looked around the rooftop.

“But there’s so much weeds here, we can’t just have you to clearing them.”

As sensei have said, the weeds occupied the whole rooftop just by growing in the cracks in the floor.

She took out a tape measure and started to measure the size of the rooftop. There are about two hundred people or so graduating from our school (it’s actually rare for a school in this district to have so many people graduating). Would the rooftop be enough for that many people?

“That’s right, it’s already the season for graduation. Time really flies.”

After Sayuri-sensei left, Ayaka said in a lonely tone:

“But there’s no problem if Fujishima-kun is here. We’re going to recruit a lot of new members next year!”

Ayaka looked at the black armband on my arm, and I nodded silently.

Until much later, I still remembered what Ayaka said that time – what did that mean?

Does she mean that she’s okay if she’s with me?

Or – does she mean that it okay if it’s just me?

“So, Fujishima-kun……”

Ayaka hesitated, staring at my face. That was the first time, and the last time, that Ayaka hesitated when speaking to me. That was obviously an unusual situation, why didn’t I notice it? Why?

But Ayaka gave me, who was confused, a smile and shook her head.

“Sorry, there’s nothing.”

<center>*</center>

The club activities ended for that day. After that, we went to the ramen shop together. Ayaka was harshly scolded by Min-san for being absent without a reason, so she broke a pile of bowls due to being overactive.

When I was trying the abnormally bitter mocha ice cream, Tetsu-senpai, Major and Hiro appeared, which was quite early for them.

Hiro said: “We visited the hospital just now.”

“Visited the hospital?”

“One of the kids in Yondaime’s organization got stabbed. He found the source of the drug, but that guy had a knife and he started to crave for his drug.”

“Then……”

“Anyhow it’s fine if he’s okay. He was my kouhai, too.”

Tetsu-senpai sat on the ladder and sighed.

“Now Hirasaka-gumi is murderously searching in the streets, so if Toshi is also a drug dealer……”

Senpai sneaked a peek at Ayaka who was in the kitchen, lowered his volume and said:

“He’ll probably get caught soon.”

Major told us: “It looks like Hakamizaka really is a researcher from our school.” “Alice is on that trail, so we could probably catch him soon.”

I sneaked a peek at Ayaka too, thinking that I don’t need to force myself to tell her about Toshi seeing as we’ll find him soon. I consoled myself that way, and didn’t want Ayaka to worry on the other hand.

I just hope Toshi coincidentally got the drug from someone, and then was addicted.

“Good. Before Toshi comes back, let’s just teach Narumi first.”

“Let’s start from playing dices!”

Eh? How did things turn up like this?

But I could not refuse as I was surrounded by Tetsu-senpai, Hiro and Major. It was actually the first time that I was force to gamble money in a game of dice. In the end, senpai owed me about two hundred and seventy thousand yen. Senpai who lost all of his money said to me halfway: “Although I don’t have any money left, I’m still going to bet ten thousand!”, or “I can’t pay all that anyway, so I’ll add twenty thousand!” What a ridiculous person.

<center>*</center>

[[Image:Kamisama no memocho vol01 141.jpg|thumb|Ayaka hurriedly chased the bus, and waved at me.]]
On the way home, I walked to the busstop with Ayaka, but still couldn’t say anything. When we walked past the bridge, the bus coincidentally passed by us. Ayaka hurriedly chased the bus, and waved at me.

I could still remember clearly Ayaka’s face at that moment.

That was the last time that I saw Ayaka’s healthy smile.

<center>*</center>

In the cold air of the Tuesday morning, someone found Ayaka collapsed at the garden in front of the school building. The teachers and students from the sports clubs formed a wall of humans, surrounding the blood that was splattered on the cement ground. Ayaka’s upper body was collapsed on her garden that she tended to for ten months. She had a pale, green face and reddish black marks could be seen clearly below her open eyes, making her look like she’s in the battle clothes of the natives.

The girls turned their head around and threw up. Although the teachers were desperately shooing away the students, the crowd was still there. I also stood in the wall of humans, faintly hearing the sound of an ambulance getting closer.

I kept staring at Ayaka’s small body being moved to a stretcher, until the white car swallowed her up and left. The sound of the ambulance rang again. I rushed to the parking lot for bicycles, opened the lock like I was going to break it, got on my bike and rushed out.

I chased the ambulance that was rushing out to the road, the freezing wind scratched my ears, as if it’s going to cut my ear off.

I don’t really remember what happened after I reached the hospital. I remember the white walls of the corridors, the lit light on top of the door of the surgery room, stretchers going here and there, and the footsteps of the nurses.

Ayaka was sent directly to the ICU room straight after she went through surger, while I was kicked out of the hospital. A crowd wearing familiar uniforms was gathered at the entrance, even though it was so late.

“Fujishima, how is Ayaka?”

“Have the surgery finished?”

“Hey, is Ayaka okay? Hey!”

Surrounded by my classmates, I could only shake my head while looking at the floor. The noise was painful to my ears. I pushed away the people and ran away.

At the pitch black bicycle parking lot, my bike was so cold that it was as if it had frozen.

When I went home, I snuggled into my bed, imagining the moment when Ayaka crossed over the railings on the rooftop to jump of the building, but I couldn’t. What’s with this? What on Earth is with this? My tightly clenched hands started to tremble, and I started feeling nauseous. I fervently tried not to, and in the end I went into the realm when reality and dreams interlaced and slept.

<center>*</center>

The next morning, the television broadcasted the news of a female student suiciding by jumping off the rooftop of M High School. It seemed like they found her shoes arranged tidily by the railings, but didn’t find a will. When the screen showed the familiar school entrance and buildings, I rushed into the washroom and threw up, but only gastric acid came out.

“I’ll help you call the school for sick leave!”

My sister said to me, who closed myself in my room. It was only at these moments that my emotionless, stern sister with her sharp eyes made me feel a hint of gratitude. Finally, her voice saying “I’m going out” and there were footsteps walking out of the entrance. I’m the only one left in the house.

There’s only me left.

I recalled the day on the rooftop. Did I say anything wrong? Was Ayaka trying to say anything to me? Why didn’t she say it? Did I miss something? If I asked her, would she answer? Why didn’t I ask? Why? My phone rang for quite some time, but I pretended not to hear it. My mind kept replaying the few hours on that day at the rooftop.

The only thing that Ayaka left me was the armband of the Gardening Club, printed with an orange logo on it. It’s the armband that she wore on her arm that day. After I was forced to put it on, I to return it to her, and brought it back home straightaway.

Have Ayaka already planned to suicide at that moment?

I don’t get it.

When I suddenly felt like opening the curtains, it was already dark outside. As soon as I turned on the lights, the glass windows reflected the pitiful face of a young man.

That person was me.

With my back on the blue skies of the evening, I squatted down on the mat. It was like my body belonged to another person, as I couldn’t even feel a hint of coldness.

<center>*</center>

When I finally saw Ayaka, it was two days after that.

In the room that was colorless but exceptionally bright, Ayaka laid on the mattress. I thought that Ayaka would be surrounded by many types of tubes and unknown machine, making her seem like a scary pincushion; but there’s really just an IV hanging on her hand. I only recognized Ayaka’s face. Her hair were completely shaved off. Her tightly wrapped head laid on the pillow looked very small in comparison.

I sat on the round stool, looking at the pale eyelids that wouldn’t open again. At the other side of the bed, the doctor was explaining to Ayaka’s mother about the difference of a person in a vegetative state and brain death.

I thought to myself: What’s the difference?

Both could not talk or laugh, so what’s the difference?

Why didn’t anyone say anything to me, who’s present? I don’t get it. It’s probably because I came here early morning although it was already school time, so I was mistaken as her family? The doctor then started to explain the payment for euthanasia and life support system, but that might not be a doctor, but a merciless person from the insurance company. You all should just shut up. Why could you say these things in front of Ayaka as if nothing have happened?

Why did this happen on Ayaka?

Anger suddenly surged inside of me.

This is all someone’s fault, some person forced Ayaka to an impasse. What did God write in Ayaka’s page of His notebook? Although it was a dumb thought, but I couldn’t stop it. At a place that I don’t know of, even if someone is stabbed, shot, or ran over, I don’t care, but not about Ayaka.

I hugged my knees on the hard, round stool of the hospital, restraining the dumb thoughts that exploded in my heart.

After that, my classmates came to visit Ayaka for quite a few times. Compared with seeing Ayaka, they were even more surprised when they saw me. It seemed that they said stuff like cheer up, you can’t skip school or something like that, but I couldn’t really remember it.

In the end, the only person in the ward was me. Only me and Ayaka’s empty shell were left. The winter sunlight that passed through the curtains were slow and weak.

I couldn’t take it, so I dragged my stiff body and ran out of the hospital, went home, and closed myself in my room.

<center>*</center>

On the following two or three days, I didn’t even go out of my room.

I didn’t feel like going to the hospital anymore, as I didn’t want to see my classmates, and I felt sad when I saw Ayaka.

My sister knocked on the door and said: “ You’ve skipped school for about a week now, huh?” I silently shook my head. Even though she couldn’t see my expression, she still placed a big bowl of porridge in front of the door and went to work.

I didn’t even touch it, and left the porridge to cool. It was not until noon that I opened the window that I didn’t open for three days, and breathed in the outside air. My lungs and throat were burning, giving out white fumes so clear that you could even catch it with your hands. The sunny sky was so dazzling that even my eyes started to hurt.

The last moments that I went through with Ayaka on the roof, was also a sunny day like this.

Seeing the fact that I would turn out like this, I felt perplexed too. It was just someone other than me doing suicide, it was just someone other than me who wouldn’t smile or open their mouth again, that’s all.

The me three months before would probably laugh at me right now, huh? Or -

The doorbell suddenly rang, scaring me into hiding below the windows. At the moment when I froze, the doorbell rang twice, thrice, and then a whole lot more. The sharp sound of the electric doorbell pierced my eardrums. Who was that? Why did they do that? Was that a child playing a prank?

The sounds of the doorbell finally stopped, and the sounds of an exhaust engine started. I peeked at the road outside the windows, and saw a skinny silhouette donning clothes for camouflage driving away a motorbike, and disappeared at the corner.

It was Major.

Why did Major come to my house?

I ran down the stairs and opened the door to the entrance. There was a black box on the doorstep, and familiar words were written on it in white – Hanamaru. With trembling hands, I picked up the box, tore away the tape and opened it.

White fumes rushed out. In the whitish solids – dry ice, there were two round, transparent plastic cup, and there were ice cream sprinkled with chocolate powder on top on it.

Tiramisu.

‘Give me a pull.’

I moved the box to the kitchen and sat down on the floor. I took out a cup and ate a mouthful of the ice cream. Swallowing food was abnormally hard, I choked on my second mouthful of ice cream. The ice cream that was cold, sweet and painful.

After finishing the two ice creams, I stared at the dry ice in the box until they finished subliming and disappeared. The weight and coldness on my knees finally disappeared after a long, long time.

When I took a bath, I felt that my whole body have been refreshed.

Finally, it was five in the evening. After I dried myself and walked out of the door.

<center>*</center>

I just didn’t go to the ramen shop for a week, but everything seemed to have changed. The shop was full of customers, there were even people holding bowls on the chairs outside and on beer crates. It’s just the usual view of the ramen shop, but Ayaka was not there.

Min-san looked at me, who was standing at the entrance, for a moment. The office workers who were chewing dumplings while reading the sports news were also staring at me.

Min-san said: “You’ve finished the two ice creams?” I nodded.

“Is that so? One of them was for Ayaka.”

Min-san’s words pierced my heart.

I left the bright entrance of the shop and went to the backdoor of the kitchen, but only saw Tetsu-senpai’s silhouette in the darkness. Senpai was sitting on the second step of the stairs, and was reading a magazine about pachinko machines. I didn’t even know what to say, so I could only remain silent, listening to the sounds of people ordering food and the sounds of cutlery colliding.

Tetsu-senpai finally stood up. I was surprised, and hurriedly straightened my back.

“Narumi, you wanted me to teach you boxing, right?”

“….. Eh? Oh, Yeah…… That’s right.”

“I owe you two hundred thousand, so I’ll teach you for free, a two years course.”

“Senpai……”

“Stand up, and take off your coat.”

Tetsu-senpai’s words were hard to oppose. I stood up and took off my coat.

“Why did you want to learn boxing?”

I stared blankly at Tetsu-senpai, then lowered my head and looked at my coarse hands.

“…… It’s because I wanted to, become stronger……”

“Hmm, so what’s the fastest way to become stronger?”

“Eh? Isn’t it practice?”

“No, the correct answer is……”

Tetsu-senpai took out two rolls of bandages out of the bag beside him.

“Put on the bandages.”

“Eh?”

“The difference between a boxer and ordinary people is not being strong or weak, but they couldn’t hit other people meaninglessly. When you hit other people, your fists would hurt, and the other party would hurt too. When you think that the other person would hurt too, you couldn’t hit them anymore. Put on the bandages.”

Tetsu-senpai wrapped up both of my fists firmly with bandages. My clenched fists didn’t even feel like it’s my own. After that, senpai took out a punching bag and wore it on his hands.

“Come! Punch me! Anywhere is okay.”

I lowered my head and started to hesitate. I was unable to raise my fists.

“Just start! Sometimes, it’s better for people to look for something to hit. Don’t think of anything, just start!”

I raised my head and saw senpai smiling.

“I will accept your weak, powerless punches.”

My shoulders trembled, and a viscous liquid rose from the upper part of my waist to my flanks. If I just stood there without moving, I would probably just scream without a reason, so I flung out my tightly clenched fists.

[[Image:Kamisama no memocho vol01 153.jpg|thumb|Right, left, right, I continuously hit Tetsu-senpai’s large silhouette.]]
My outstretched right fist made a ‘dong’ sound, and was absorbed by the boxing gloves. A numbing pain was transmitted to my elbows and shoulders. I didn’t care, and lashed out with my left fist. Colliding with the punching gloves as soon as I straightened my hands, the pain could be felt even from my teeth. Right, left, right, I continuously hit Tetsu-senpai’s large silhouette. Even though I gave punched a lot, the tightly held boxing gloves would receive my fists, reflecting the attack back to my body. It hurts. When you hit people, your own self would feel pain. It’s a simple and persuasive fact. Did Ayaka feel pain at that moment too? Or did she have no time to feel pain? Sweat trickled into my eyes, blurring my vision. I could only hear my rapid breathing and the sound of me hitting the punching gloves. This is a real sound that belonged to me, and real pain.

I don’t know how long I’ve practiced, but before I knew it, I stood with my back bent, panting while holding the worn tires. As I worked out suddenly, my ears rang and my chest hurt. Sweat flowed from my forehead to my chin.

At moment, I finally knew why I came to the ramen shop – for Ayaka, and for myself.

I raised my head, and saw Tetsu-senpai looking relaxed.

“Do you want practice some more?”

I shook my head.

“Thank….. you, that’s…… all for today.”

I took off the bandages and handed it back to senpai, my body still burning. That’s quite natural, it’s because I’m still alive. Ayaka might not feel this heat any more, but at least I could still stand up with my own two feet.

“I’ll go look for Alice.”

<center>*</center>

The room was dimly lit because of the tens of monitors in the room. Alice was sitting on the bedside. It might be because of her black, luscious hair, but it made her silhouette look just like a vase, and the vase was filled with stars in the galaxy.

“This is the way that I express my sadness, because I do not know of any other way.”

Alice said with her back against me. In the darkness, the speed of Alice hammering on the keyboard was rapid, and the sound was like the rapid-fire sound of an automatic rifle used in a war that was at the other side of the Earth.

“I’ve checked Ayaka’s medical records, but actually I know that I didn’t have to do that. The one who understands the most that Ayaka could not recover ever again, would probably be you, who had seen it with your own eyes.”

Could not—recover.

Is that true? Although the doctors have said, Ayaka would probably need to lie on the bed all her life, passing her days in a vegetative state.

“But you still came to to look for me. I’ve actually though that you’d close yourself in your room, or have already attempted suicide.”

“Is that so?”

I sat down in front of the bed. Alice stopped typing on the keyboard and turned around. The colorful pajamas looked like it was the color of mercury due to the rays of light by the monitor, while the eyes looked as though they would crumble if you just touch it, and were emitting a weak ray of light.

“…… You wouldn’t even get angry if I said that.”

“Eh?”

“No, nothing, it’s my bad.”

I think I’ve heard something incredible, Alice actually apologized to me.

“I have no reason to get angry. If nobody cares about me, then I would probably turn out like you have said.”

“Really? Then you should be thankful to the shopkeeper who’s so good at making ice creams.”

I nodded my head.

“Speak your request!”

“Alice, you’re a detective, right?”

“I’m not an ordinary detective, but a NEET detective!”

“One who could search the whole world without taking a step out of the room, and find out the truth?”

“It is as you have said.” Alice showed her sad eyes, smiling self-mockingly.

Of course I don’t believe her exaggerated promotions, but I don’t have any other people to turn to.

“Then……” I swallowed, “I would like to request you to investigate something for me.”

I spoke of it myself, but it sounded somewhat funny.

At that moment, I was stared at by Alice’s large, deep eyes, and experienced the pain of a stopped breathing. The young girl said with a faint voice:

“What do you wish to know?”

“Why did Ayaka…… turn out like that?”

Alice drooped her long eyelashes, looking as if she’s thinking, and also looked like she was listening to a sound that she couldn’t hear.

“…… Do you still remember what I’ve said before? A detective is the representative of the deceased, looking for lost words from their graves, hurting the living for the sake of protecting the honour of the deceased, and condemning the dead for the sake of consoling the living.”

“I remember.”

Alice opened her eyes.

“Then I’ll ask you once again, my investigation might expose what Ayaka wanted to hide, or even destroy your ignorant but peaceful life. Do you still want to know even so?”

Even so—

Even so, I--

“I still want to know.”

Alice gave a huge sigh.

“I understand, then I accept your request. You don’t need to pay me, because I, too, wish to know the answer.”

I widened my eyes.

“…… Eh?”

“I’ve already figured out what you want to know, although all of this is too late……”

“The- then……”

Alice’s sharp voice interrupted my words.

“Things are already clear, you don’t need to ponder why Ayaka wanted to die, the thing that I wish to know of is not this.”

“What are you talking abo……”

“What I wish to know is, ‘Why did Ayaka choose to die at school’.”

I was momentarily dumbstruck, and couldn’t understand what Alice wanted to say.

“The day before she committed suicide was Monday, and Ayaka didn’t go to school, you know of this too. But according to witnesses, Ayaka went to school after school finished for some reason, and didn’t go back home. On Monday night, Ayaka had already hid herself on the rooftop, then waited until morning to commit suicide from the rooftop. Do you understand? Ayaka didn’t just impulsively ran to the school rooftop to commit suicide, but had chosen to commit suicide at the school rooftop from the start. Why did she do so?”

I felt a chill across my back.

The reason that she chose to die at school. Choosing…… the place that she’d die?

“I don’t understand. I don’t understand why Ayaka wanted to die at school, but I must know. So I need your help, as the person who’s the closest with Ayaka these two months is you.”

“Me……? Why? Why do you want to know about this?”

Alice raised one side of her brows with her eyes widened, looking like she’s angry or mystified.

“Why? Why do I want to know about this? You’re asking me this question? You who wanted to know why Ayaka committed suicide, actually asked me this question?”

“Ah……”

“Just like you, I must know the reason for why Ayaka committed suicide, because I should be able to prevent her from doing that. If I knew about this earlier, knowing much more, I could prevent Ayaka from committing suicide. It’s my fault that Ayaka turned out like that. Even if things have already happened, I must know about that still, although it’s already too late. If I don’t do that, I will, I will……”

Alice made a sound as if she was forced into a corner and said repeatedly. I suppressed the emotions accumulated at my chest. What are the emotions that the young girl in front of me showed me? Nostalgia, pain and helplessness.

"Are you willing to help me? Let’s just make it as the payment for your request."

Alice looked at me like a drowning person clutching at a straw, the faint rays of light, the stars in the glass, now looked as if they were going to shatter.

The hands stretched towards my hand—

And I took hold of it.

“I understand, so I’ll be your assistant, right?”

Alice heard my answer, and a surprised expression surfaced on her face.

The cold fingers.

The wet eyes filled with darkness.

All of them melted in a warm smile.

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| Back to [[Kamisama no Memochou:Volume 1 Chapter 2|Chapter 2]]
| Return to [[Kamisama no Memochou|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Kamisama no Memochou:Volume 1 Chapter 4|Chapter 4]]
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</noinclude>

Kamisama no Memochou:Volume 1 Chapter 2

2014-04-14T22:21:44Z

Davinciko: /* Chapter 2 */

==Chapter 2==

However, I was still a member of the Gardening Club after a week when December began; that was because Ayaka captured me after school every day for club activities. Why must she keep bothering me? I don't even know, and I thought my head was going to burst open.

As I did not have any knowledge about gardening, I still had to stick to the railings while blankly looking at the streets as usual. That day, the brilliant blue skies trailed across the horizon. There were only two or three clouds in the skies like stickers stuck onto the sky, dazzling anyone who dared to stare at it for a long period of time.

I had always wanted to ask Ayaka: "Why did you say all that on the day when we were on the way home from the ramen shop?" However, since I could not think of a suitable question to ask, I could only continue looking at the view opposite to the railings.

“Seriously, you should really give me a hand!”

Ayaka said while puffing out her cheeks and holding a pair of scissors used for pruning.

“…… I don’t even know what to do, and the flowers have already been watered.”

“Then help me use the ampoule on the trees, one for each plant.”

Ayaka handed the ampoule fertilizer to me. The ampoule was like a small bottle of soy sauce that comes with a sumptuous bento, just that there weren't soy sauce inside, but a yellowish-green liquid.

“Opening an ampoule is quite hard! If the opening is too big, the fertilizer would spill out too quickly; the ones that I open are actually done with professional-level skill.”

Ayaka said triumphantly while using her scissors to cut off a little of the the tip of the ampoule.

“I’ll be in charge of cutting, while you just stick them into the pot.”

“I hate work.”

I mumbled complaints while turning the ampoule over to stick it into the pot.

“You probably don’t hate work, just that you can’t imagine yourself working!”

“Hime-sama, why are you so sharp about these things?” I got flustered and accidentally blurted out honorifics.

“Because my brother has said similar things before. He said that he doesn’t know why we must work if we want to live, so he left school halfway through high school. He didn’t even find a job, and just went here and there without an objective.”

Don’t know why we have to work if we want to live… Indeed, I feel so too. If such a day would come upon me, would I really accept the fact that I need to work in order to continue living? Or would I become one of the guys behind Hanamaru Ramen?

I shuddered, denying the horrendous imagination of my future, and shifted my attention to sticking the ampoules into the pots. It was already past flowering season; many dry leaves and branches could be found lying on the ground. Now is the time to prepare for the next flowering season.

“If I misunderstood, I apologize now to you first. But I think that you and my brother probably have an illness that is worse than hating work.”

“Eh?” So this is an illness?

“For instance, some people hate to eat carrots or celery when they are little, but they eat them as adults! But if I tell you to eat boots or diamonds, that can’t be achieved for eternity. This isn’t a problem of liking or hating: they cannot be eaten even as an adult.”

“Do you mean to say: ‘I cannot imagine myself eating carrots or celery,’ huh?”

“Exactly.”

“Your analogy makes me feel down.”

“Cheer up!” Ayaka patted my back. Oh please, the person who made me feel down was you in the first place!

“The people at ‘Hanamaru’ seems to like Fujishima-kun a lot, probably because you guys give off the same aura! Tetsu-senpai told me to take you there again.”

“I had already decided to never go there again.” If I continue to go, I would definitely become one of them sooner or later.

“Please go! Everyone’s waiting for you!”

Which quality in me do they admire? I almost never spoke to others willingly, so my social skills are quite poor!

“You are not as introverted as an armadillidium like you thought!”

“Really?” I didn’t say that I’m like an armadillidium.

“That’s right, and you keep talking to yourself.”

I accidentally stuck the ampoule onto my shoes.

“Do…… Do I often talk to myself?”

“Oh yes, I think that’s why you could communicate with them. Are you okay? You look terrible!”

I probably couldn’t function anymore.

“But if you don’t speak your mind, nobody would understand you!”

“I always forget how to communicate.” I answered randomly. But when I think about it, things are indeed so. Ayaka stared at me for awhile, and sighed.

“Then you should practice! Right?”

<center>*</center>

In the end, I still couldn't refuse her, and could only follow Ayaka to the ramen shop. That day, there wasn’t anyone behind "Hanamaru’s" kitchen door. Although it was already evening, there weren’t any customers there.

“So you’re here again, Narumi?”

A surprised expression appeared on Min-san’s face, and she said so while cutting cabbages, glaring at me as well. As I saw before this, she wore a vest while her breast was covered up with a sarashi, her appearance looked as if people could easily take advantage of her.

“Forget it, I thought that you would turn out like that the last time we met.”

“Turn out how?”

“It’s still not too late!” Min-san said just that. What does she mean by not too late?

“If you just practice your communication skills, you probably would not become a NEET.”

After saying that, Ayaka went into the kitchen and put on an apron. I sighed, and sat down on a gas tank. Say whatever you want!

“Oh yeah, do you want to work part time here too, Fujishima-kun?”

Min-san replied immediately: “Narumi looks like he doesn’t know how to do anything, the shop doesn’t need these type of people.”

Discouraged, I took a spoon and stirred my coffee ice cream. Min-san took a bowl and poked her head out of the kitchen.

“That’s right, there’s still something that you can do.”

“What is it?”

“Take this to Alice.”

It was Japanese styled Dan Dan Noodles filled with vegetables, but this time, some noodles could be seen in the sea of vegetables.

“The last time you delivered it, Alice ate them all. Before that, she usually doesn’t finish them, so please help today too. If there’s anything left in the bowl, I’ll beat you up!”

<center>*</center>

“What is this? I ordered Dan Dan Noodles, but without noodles, carrots, mushrooms or meat.”

Alice puffed out her cheeks, eyeing the food in the bowl in displeasure.

That day, the air-conditioning in the detective agency was still very cold, but Alice was just wearing pajamas with teddy bears on it. Won’t she be cold like this?

“But there are obviously noodles, meat and other stuff in it! Please tell me a reason for me to eat this.”

“Min-san is worried that you will have malnutrition.”

“Oh, so there’s a standard for malnutrition? Then please enlighten me about this standard of yours. Let me make this clear, having lived for over ten years on only Dr. Pepper, I will not listen to unreasonable excuses, and don’t try to use a bad excuse to convince me. I will eliminate your arguments completely.”

I sighed. Although I wasn’t sure if Alice was a detective or not, but this little girl really had a lot to say. I’ve already known that I couldn’t convince her, so I quickly used the secret technique that Min-san taught me.

“Min-san said that you can’t have ice cream if you don’t finish them.”

Alice’s froze, and her lips started to tremble.

“…… So-so despicable…… According to Act 222 of the penal code, this can already be count as a threat, and violates the Competition law for refusing to sell as well.”

The teary-eyed Alice waved her hands, listing out one suspicious law after another. As I found it interesting, I watched Alice’s actions silently temporarily.

She probably gave up, huh? Alice picked up her chopsticks while pouting.

“Get me some Dr. Pepper! Three cans of them!”

“Do you want to drink them after eating?”

“I want to eat while drinking! How can carrots and meat be eaten directly?”

Alice, who was holding a dark red can in one hand while eating Dan Dan Noodles teary-eyed, was really worth watching.

“Stop scrutinizing me!”

Alice swiftly finished her first can of Dr. Pepper, picked up the empty can and threw it at me, while I could only hold in my laughter while turning my back on her. But Alice really is a picky eater! Is she really from Earth?

“What do you do when eating nutrition lunch at school? Didn’t you get scolded?”

I suddenly thought about that and asked Alice.

Alice was silent for awhile, and then she answered me:

“I have never been to a school.”

“Eh?”

"Although I know what a nutrition lunch is, I have never entered any educational institutions from birth.”

I didn’t think that Alice had a normal life, but I never would have thought that she haven’t even went to primary school.

“According to Tetsu, the NEETs who haven’t even graduated from primary school are on the highest level of them all. Hmph, I am completely uninterested in these rankings.”

Even so, I have this faint feeling that if Alice went to school like other people do, she would think that a normal life is very uninteresting as well.

“No such thing, I will not look down on normal things.”

I was startled and turned my head over. It looks like I accidentally spoke my inner thoughts again.

“I was really determined to finish primary school and middle school. Even though I hate ignorance, it is completely irrelevant to normalcy. Going to school is an experience that I never had, and that is also my regret. But when people who are the same age as me are going for mandatory education, what do you think I was doing?”

Alice paused to put a piece of noodle in her mouth, soured her face and gulped it down with some Dr. Pepper. It looks like she is asking for my opinion.

“Learning how to be a good wife?”

Alice nearly spat the food out of her mouth.

“…… Your sense of humor is indeed perplexing, it’s no wonder that you are excluded from other people. I pity you very much.”

I’m now pitied, but what Alice said was the truth.

“So what’s the correct answer?”

“Eh? Ah, the answer is as you see——opening windows in the network world, observing the limited and twisted world.”

Alice’s gaze fell on the black machines that covered up the whole wall behind her.

“…… Every day?”

“The ‘every day’ that I meant is worse than you imagine. My life consisted of only saving information into my body, and washing away my helplessness by drinking Dr. Pepper. I kept searching for the meaning of my existence. Do you know this? On Earth, a child dies because of poverty every 3.6 seconds, and actually all of this is ''‘my fault’''.”

“…… Ah?”

I couldn’t help but exclaim in surprise. What nonsense is she spouting?

“This is purely a hypothetical problem. Listen, if I have enough resources and ways to produce food, I can save the starving children. I am not worried about poverty, and I am not a holy person. I repeat, this is purely a hypothetical problem. If I have enough power, I can save the children who are gradually dying, so the death of the children is due to the fact that I do not have enough power to save them. Similarly, when a plane is kept hostage by terrorists and hits a building, it is because I do not have the power to stop it; The harm that is caused due to earthquakes or tsunamis is because I do not have the power to predict them.”

Purely a hypothetical problem.

But in that case, wouldn’t that mean everything that happened is Alice’s fault?

“That is how I passed my days, using my time to confirm my helplessness. To be exact, it should be about eight years or so, huh? I want to know what a powerless person like me can do for this world, for instance, to do something for the people who died hopelessly, or I cannot do anything for them at all.”

Using eight years. It's just too stupid.

“Because I felt some limitations, I ran away from home. I sealed myself in a new fortress, and continued to open windows in this world. Hehe, actually I’m now in pursuit by my family, so I have no choice but to open a window in the real world.”

Alice laugh self-deprecatingly, and looked at the countless cubical monitors at the right side of her bed. Although the monitors were small, I could not see what it was. It was not until the curtains of ‘Hanamura’ appeared on the monitor that I realized that it was the view of the surroundings of the building. There were six live videos that were taken from surveillance cameras, including the space between this building and the next, and also their interiors.

“Being pursued…..?

“As the people in my family aren’t stupid, they probably know where I am hiding already. This is just as a precaution for them from using unorthodox methods to look for me! I ran away from home, running away from my helplessness and from the world that is gradually lost because of my powerlessness…… But even so I couldn’t find the answer to that, so……”

I looked at Alice’s face, taken aback.

This girl is serious, although I thought that the things that she said was just a joke.

“So I chose to become a detective.”

“…… Sorry, your words confuse me, I don’t get it.”

“You don’t understand? In this world, there are only two jobs that can help those who are dead or have lost something, a novelist and a detective: A novelist can revive them in their dreams, detectives can dig out the real message from their graves. This is what leaders of a religion, a politician, a burial agency or the firefighters can’t do.”

I could not say anything that moment. Alice lowered her head in loneliness, using her chopsticks to swirl the food in her bowl.

“But sometimes I still feel somewhat queasy. A detective can only take action on things that have already been lost, right? They cannot solve the things that have not happened, or dig a grave that has not been made yet. So for people who might be hurt in the future, I am still powerless.”

After that, Alice became silent and shifted her attention to the food left in her bowl. Ashamed, I turned away from her yet again. The sound of Alice chewing the cabbage sounded sorrowful, for some reason.

After a very long time, Alice finally cleared away the food in the bowl. I silently handed her the vanilla ice cream that I kept hidden for some time, but Alice just placed it on the table, not even touching it, but raised her head to look at my face.

“Eh…… Is there something wrong?”

“Nothing, I just felt inconceivable, to why I would tell you so much.”

I felt mystified too, never had I thought that Alice would tell me so much about herself, making me feel a bit worried about the future of this pajamas clad girl—— even though I am absolutely not qualified to be worried for other people.

“You can just tell me what you think! I don’t mind.”

“Okay.” Although I hesitated, I still spoke my mind honestly, because I know how hurtful a white lie can be. “What you said was too abstract, I have absolutely no idea what you said.”

I thought Alice would throw a second empty can at me, but instead she laughed out loud. Alice, with her long, black hair that has become unruly, said while wiping away the tears at the corner of her eyes:

“What an interesting fellow you are. Just listening to Ayaka’s description of you, I thought that you were a hopeless person! It seems that it is not so.”

“Ayaka…… said something about me to you?”

“Hmph, so you mind? That’s surprising. I thought you have absolutely no interest in other people.”

Alice started to laugh mischievously.

“Of course I don’t mind.” I couldn’t help but retort.

“Really? Then I don’t have any reason to tell you.”

I bit my lower lip, finding that I was starting to get restless. Of course I mind how Ayaka sees me. As if she had seen through my thoughts, Alice finally answered.

“…… Ayaka said that you are similar to Toshi.”

“Toshi? Who is that?”

“He’s Ayaka’s brother! He’s also a drop out who always hangs out with Tetsu and the others, but he’s not here lately. Which reminds me, useless, doesn’t speak when he’s in a bad mood, always talking to himself and always giving trouble to Ayaka, these qualities of his are extremely similar to you.”

What Alice said is really too over. When I thought about the situation when Ayaka was describing her brother, a complicated feeling came upon me. So it was because Ayaka was worried of me, who is similar to her brother, which compelled her to invite me into the Gardening Club? I couldn’t help but think that the things that I think about is quite silly.

“You don’t need to worry, you’re not that much alike, and also you’re not a NEET.” Alice said to me, who was silent. “Toshi is not as stubborn as you, at least……”

Alice suddenly stopped talking, her eyes glued to the monitor beside her bed.

“…… Is something the matter?”

“Well, speak of the devil. Here’s Toshi.”

“Eh?”

“Why did he come out from inside?”

Following Alice’s lead, I stared at the monitor, which was showing a skinny silhouette at the third box from the right. The surroundings of the gas tanks that could be seen at the bottom left corner of the screen was filmed from above, where the NEETs like to gather. The silhouette wearing a dark blue hoodie was standing at the gap between the buildings, not even moving an inch.

“Narumi, go catch that fellow for me. He probably just wants to go back like this.”

“Why……”

“Because Ayaka is worried about him. Don’t ask anymore, just hurry!”

<center>*</center>
When I walked down the ladder, the silhouette was walking further into the gap with his back to me. I pushed away the hill of garbage bags while running towards him.

“Hey!”

The silhouette donning a sports jacket shook for a moment, and then turned his head over. He had a thin, pale face, and had a nervous expression behind his spectacles that wandered here and there. It was obvious that he was Ayaka’s brother, as their eyes were identical. Seeing as he was so nervous, I, who originally wanted to talk to him, could not think of anything to say.

“Onii-chan?”

Ayaka’s voice rang in the alley. I turned around, and saw Ayaka, who was wearing an apron, poke half of her body out of the kitchen.

Ayaka’s brother —— Toshi sighed, as if he has given up on something.

“You could just give us a call before you come here.”

“My phone service has been cancelled, because I didn’t pay up.”

Ayaka dragged Toshi out of the gap between the buildings, and stealthily took some cash out of her wallet and handed it to him. Whoa, there’s actually such a useless brother, I could only pretend not to see anything.

Toshi, who went back to the ramen shop, sat on the ladders and said towards the kitchen: “Min-san, give me an ice cream! I’m parched.” Min-san, who walked out of the kitchen, knitted her brows, peered at Toshi and said: “You probably ate some strange stuff again, didn’t’ you? If you eat cold things you’ll throw up.” She returned to the kitchen after saying that.

Ayaka said: “ Onii-chan, wait for me awhile, I’ll make something hot for you to eat.” And she returned to the kitchen after saying that too.

Toshi smacked his lips, and then took out a small plastic bag out of his pockets, broke the pills in the plastic bag into half, crushed them, swallowed it down without even a drink of water, and then stared at me after he finished eating the medicine.

“Ayaka told me about you some time ago, so you’re in the same club?”

Toshi finally said to me, and I nodded a bit nervously.

“Oh really, so you’re Narumi.”

I thought to myself, what did Ayaka say to Toshi?

“She’s very dumb, being together with her is hard, isn’t it?”

I shook my head. Toshi looked at the winter sky that was full of clouds and gave a hollow laugh, his laughter felt like someone using a cold metal stick to scratch his back.

After that our conversation came to a stop. Toshi hunched his back, and then stuck his hands into the pockets of his sports jacket. His eyes wandered while starting to shake his legs. I secretly observed Toshi from the side.

Is he really that similar to me?

I dunno, maybe it really is that similar? He was older than me by about one or two years, but his skin looked dry, coarse and pale. No wonder Ayaka would be worried about him.

“Oh? How rare for you to turn up here!”

A voice suddenly sounded behind us. I turned my head around, and saw Tetsu-senpai wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt as usual, Hiro-san was wearing a leather jacket, while Major wore what seemed like clothes for the Siberian garrisons. The three walked into the gap between the buildings together.

“Toshi, what were you doing before this?”

“Nothing, I’m just busy with a lot of things.”

Facing Tetsu-senpai’s questions, Toshi averted his gaze and answered mysteriously.

Tetsu-senpai looked at me and then looked at Toshi, and said:” Narumi’s here again! That way, the three drop outs are all here, NEETs who graduated from middle school are truly the best!”

“I haven’t dropped out yet, don’t group me together with you guys!”

My objections were completely ignored.

“It’s because Tetsu-san say things like this, NEETs-in-waiting would increase! We can’t wait until he drops out, we must figure out a way for him to drop out willingly!” “The one who graduated from high school, you’re too noisy! Wanna have a fight?” Major and Tetsu-senpai started to argue for some reason.

“It’s rare that Toshi is here, since we haven’t gone to the arcade for a long time, lets go together!” Hiro-san suggested. “I learnt a new chain technique, and can use a new killer technique, so I can defeat Toshi now!”

“Eh, I don’t want to, aiyo!”

Toshi was unwilling to go, but his arms were held by Tetsu-senpai, and was forced to stand up.

“Will you come with us, Narumi?”

“To where?” Ayaka flew out of the kitchen in a hurry.

Hiro-san smiled and said: “The arcade.”

“Is Onii-chan going too?”

“Let’s go quickly!”

As if he found the situation hassling, Toshi looked at Ayaka for a moment and then quickly walked to the main streets.

<center>*</center>

**I was brought to the arcade at the shopping center of the station. The first floor was filled with crane games and sticker making machines, while half of the second floor was occupied by large music game machines, online games and racing games. The older games were all squeezed in a corner.

Toshi was really good in fighting games, Tetsu-senpai and Hiro-san challenged him in turn, but still couldn’t defeat him.

Major dragged Toshi to a Gundam fighting machine and challenged him with brimming confidence, but was also completely defeated. Toshi, who was controlling Sac II, had superhuman-like senses, making people think that he had another pair of eyes behind his back. Toshi did not want to play at the start, but his eyes became somewhat eerie after winning a few matches, and he also made strange noises. Having a six time winning streak while playing with Major, I originally thought that Toshi would again make the annoying laugh again, but his face suddenly turned green, said ‘I’m going to the washroom for awhile’, and left his game that was playing halfway.

“…… That guy, seems like he’s in trouble again.” Tetsu-senpai said worriedly.

“In trouble?”

“He once bought legal medicine from the Internet before. (Note: Legal medicine- drugs. Is not legal at all, and is said to be legal by the sellers who are doing promotions)”

I recalled the pills that Toshi swallowed just now, would that be the legal medicine that Tetsu-senpai said? I started to get a bit worried.

“I’ll go check out Toshi’s condition.”

Toshi walked out of the washroom with a sickly expression on his face, the corner of his lips were wet, and smelled somewhat sour. He probably threw up.

Toshi said: “I’ll go outside to get some fresh air.” I was still worried, so I followed him out.

Under the setting sun, the road was full of cars, Bing Crosby’s Christmas song and the red green lights of the decoration could be seen and heard in the sidewalk that was full of people. Toshi sat down on the stone steps outside the arcade, and drank the Fanta carbonated water that he bought from the automatic vendor. Toshi’s eyes wandered again, making people feel queasy.

“…… Are you okay?”

“They look as if they’re not moving.”

“Eh?”

“The people look as if they’re not moving. It’s true, I can even see the movement of a dot. Even if I close my eyes, and just listen to the noise, I could win.”

After saying that, he laughed, giving no thought to the people walking around.

“Do you always hang out with Tetsu and the guys?”

Toshi said while having hiccups.

“No…… I only came to know them recently.”

“But you look like you’re very close to them.”

Toshi laughed again. Do I look like I’m very close to them?

“…… It was because I often skip school to go to the arcades, then I gradually became closer to them. They taught me a lot of things, so why don’t you go play fighting games too! I can teach you the next time.”

I felt a bit shy, and dropped my gaze to look at my knees. If I can play like this everyday, even if I’m kicked out of school, even if I become a NEET, then —— it isn’t really a bad thing.

“Toshi, would you still come to ‘Hanamaru’ after this?”

“Eh? Ah….. Hmmm, yes, right, I’ve already……”

Facing my questions, Toshi looked like he was looking far away.

“Forgot, because I didn’t meet them for quite a long time already……”

Toshi suddenly stopped talking, and started to cough violently. After he stopped coughing, he was still breathing heavily, his hunched back rocking up and down. I didn’t know what to do, and can only rub his back covered by the sports jacket.

Toshi used his trembling hands to take out a plastic bag from his pockets, this time he swallowed a pill with a gulp of Fanta. I tried to stop him, but it was too late. The carbonated drink spilled onto Toshi’s jeans, but he doesn’t seem to mind. The people passing by stared at us.

Toshi’s body finally stopped trembling.

“…… Angel Fix.”

“What is that?”

“This! Great name, isn’t it!? It brings you to heaven.”

Toshi pressed the remaining two pills left in the bag to my face. I could see a picture of wings and the letters A.F engraved on the small pink pills.

“Do you want it? I could sell it to you for a discount.”

“No thanks…… That isn’t normal medication, is it?”

“That doesn’t matter. It isn’t a drug, the others are just making a big fuss out of nothing, this is just a legal medication.”

I swallowed my saliva in anguish.

“Why? This type of medicine……”

“You ask me why? You, you……” What Toshi is saying started to get muddled up. “Why do you think humans live in this world?”

I don’t know what Toshi meant by suddenly saying this, so I could only remain silent.

“In a human’s brain, there is a type of thing called the compensation nervous system, which is what we call the A10 nervous system. When we eat tasty stuff, we are praised by other people or have bought something that we want, the system would synthesize neurotransmitters, and change it into signals so that we would have a blissful feeling. In contrast, schizophrenia or depression is usually caused by a decrease in dopamine. In short, no matter how hard we try to pursue happiness, if the brain does not synthesize neurotransmitters properly, we would not feel happy, so the reason we continue to live is to stimulate the A10 nervous system.”

I didn't say anything, but only stared at Toshi’s face. I could see that Toshi was not focused on me anymore, does he know who he is talking to? It was as if he was a different person from the Toshi just now, and has become very garrulous.

“That is why, we could just depend on medication! It’s straightforward, easy and you could feel pleasure straightaway. You don’t need to work hard to earn money, and don’t need to look for girls to marry, we can achieve the same results just depending on the medication. But The process is not the same, no pain and not time-consuming. Medication is perfect. For instance, people like me, kicked out of high school, fired at work, has only graduated from middle school and could not find any work, but I don’t really feel like looking for a job anyway. Only angels would not look down on me, that’s what this is all about.”

Toshi raised the plastic bag containing the pink pills to cover the glaring streetlights in the night. I couldn’t help but take hold of his shoulders and start to shake him.

“I’m alright, it hurts, stop shaking me.”

I’m alright, I’m alright, as if following a beat for a song, Toshi kept repeating this sentence.

“That’s right, I have something to ask you, did you see some yakuzas that are about the same age as us at the ramen shop recently?”

“…… Do you mean Yondaime?”

I told Toshi about Yondaime visiting Alice’s room.

“What the heck, so you even know about Yondaime and Alice! That’s good, I just wanted to know about this thing. Hahaha, you’ve completely become one of them now!”

Toshi strolled towards the sidewalk, laughing maniacally at the night skies. The people passing by knitted their brows and walked far away from us, forming a space shaped like a half circle.

“Does Ayaka get along with the others?”

I nodded.

“Isn’t she somewhat lonesome at school?”

"Although she’s a bit eccentric, Ayaka isn’t the same as me, she can happily talk to our classmates naturally."

“Is that so? Why is that, I wonder? She once refused to go to school when she was in middle school, why is that? When did she become a normal person again? And she even wanted to drag me to school too. I just couldn’t do it, it’s not that I like not going to school. She flew into a temper when I said that I wanted to drop out, really, nagging me should have its limits.”

After listening to this, I, who was sitting down, froze. While laughing boisterously, Toshi walked into the crowd, going towards the main road. Seeing Toshi disappear in the sea of people, I could only stare at the view in a daze.

In the din of the crowd, Toshi’s scary, screeching laughter could still be heard. I hastily stood up, pushing away the crowd and went after him. This is not good. Although I don’t know why, I felt that a problem is going to arise.

The people nearby also seemed to sense what I have felt from the laughter. Toshi walked unsteadily on the road, and a circular space formed beside him, as if he was wearing a large, invisible float. The crowd stopped moving, causing me to be unable to get close to Toshi.

It was like Toshi was enclosed in an inexplicable membrane, springing towards the zebra crossing while the lights were yellow. The yellow light changed to red in a flash, and the drivers started sounding their horn at Toshi. He unsteadily walked to the other side of the zebra crossings while laughing, and I, who was standing at the other side, could not do anything but keep my eyes on him.

The crowd who was waiting for the light to change to green made a small noise, but Toshi’s silhouette vanished in only a moment in the impatient horns and the cars that were passing the junction. As soon as Toshi’s silhouette disappeared, everyone seemed to have forgot about the scary laughter. The people in this city is very tolerant of oddballs, because things will be endless if they care about each and every one of them.

Even so, a man kept staring at Toshi with a smile on his face, until Toshi vanished. The man was very young, and was waiting for the lights to change by my side. He donned a high class Kashmir wool coat, has thin cheeks, and had a pair of frameless glasses on his face with a sharp chin.

Our gazes locked for a moment, and that was enough for me to shiver. I don’t know why, but I could feel that there is something hidden deep in his eyes that makes me feel queasy.

Music rang from the pockets of the man’s coat, it was a steady sound of a plucking guitar. He took out his phone and answered it: “Hello…… Yes, I’ve found Shinozaki, I’ll go back as soon as I pick him up. Hmm? Keep the distillation locked up first, and wait for me to go back.. Continue to put them in separate packs, you know that our stocks aren’t enough, don’t you? That’s right, yeah……”

The voice that could never be forgotten even though it is only heard once, gave people an unpleasant feeling like thorns. The man started to walk while talking on the phone, while I was pushed by the people at the back, and nearly fell down on the streets.I hurriedly caught hold of the railings at the side of the sidewalk. The traffic light changed to green when I didn’t notice, so the crowd rushed out to the zebra crossings.

But I could not move. The man’s words left an unforgettable impression on me, causing my legs to tremble, unable to move even one step.

The man indeed said: “Shinozaki.” Does he know Toshi? But who on Earth is he?

A bad premonition flashed across my mind.

“Hey! Where’s Toshi? Where has he gone?”

A voice spoke to me, who was standing at the end of the street, not knowing what to do. Turning my head to the voice, Tetsu-senpai, Hiro-san and Major were all there.

“…… I don’t know where he ran off to.”

I finally said. After telling them about Toshi’s condition, a dumbfounded expression appeared on Tetsu-senpai’s face, and he scratched his head.

“Don’t go crazy on the streets after taking drugs, that idiot……”

Major said: “Should we go find him?”

Hiro-san shook his phone: “But I can’t get to his phone!”

Almost at the same time, the three looked at the street that was full of people. It was impossible to look for anyone on this street. Even so, Tetsu-senpai lightly patted my head.

“Narumi, you go back to ‘Hanamaru’ first and deal with Ayaka.”

“B- But……”

“Don’t make her feel too worried. We’ll go look for Toshi.”

I didn’t even have enough time to answer him, then the three vanished in the crowd, looking for Toshi.

<center>*</center>
After returning to the ramen shop, I found that the shop was pitch dark, and there was not even one customer, while Ayaka could not be seen anywhere as well. Min-san was stirring the butter in a large bowl.

“I told Ayaka, since there’s no customers today, she could go home first. But she said that Toshi might come back, so she’s waiting upstairs.”

“Upstairs as in Alice’s agency?”

“Yeah.”

Ayaka sat on the mattress of the agency, and she let Alice sit on her thighs, combing Alice’s long hair.

“Is Onii-chan gone already? Where is he?”

“Ayaka, it hurts, you’ve pulled my hair.” Alice moved her neck in protest.

“Ah, so sorry.”

Ayaka wasn’t really tall, but in comparison you could see that Alice was very petite, almost like a real doll.

“Did Onii-chan say where he lives right now?”

“…… I’m not really sure.”

I couldn’t answer her properly. Getting delirious after taking drugs, and then disappearing, it was really hard to tell people about this kind of stuff.

“What a headache, he should at least tell me how to contact him!”

But it seemed like Toshi found Ayaka troublesome. Is that what he really thought? Or is it some nonsense that he said after taking drugs?

“Ayaka, just don’t care about that specky, ignorant guy who suddenly disappeared. Blood relation is the first stupid cornerstone of belief that humans should break.”

“Alice, don’t turn around!”

“(sobs)”
Alice wanted to turn her head around to face Ayaka, but Ayaka held Alice’s head, so she could not move her head, causing Alice to look terrible.

“And if you would also not care about my hair, I would be very happy.”

“That wouldn’t do! You have such beautiful, luscious long hair, if you don’t comb it properly, it would become unruly very soon. The shampoo and conditioners that I gave you, did you use them?”

“Really, there should be a limit to being a busybody!

Alice made a disgruntled noise, but still sat on Ayaka’s thighs. There is a type of person in this world that are busybodies, and could not leave other people alone. Ayaka was one of them. That would probably be it.

When I was about to walk out of the agency, Ayaka said that she wanted to go home too.

While walking down the ladder, the ringtone of a phone rang from Ayaka’s bag.

“…… Hello?”

“Hello, Ayaka? It’s me……”

Toshi, who was on the phone was very loud, so loud that even I can hear him. The effects of the drug is probably still there, his voice sounded inexplicably cheerful.

“Onii-chan?”

“This is Hakamizaka-san’s phone, so I can’t talk to you so long. I’m at his place right now, so help me to tell mother.”

“Ah, but Onii-chan……”

He hung up suddenly, just like when he called just now. Ayaka silently looked at her phone, and then looked at me, showing me a troubled smile. I turned my head away.

“Was it Toshi?”

“Yeah. It seems like he’s at Hakamizaka’s.”

Hakamizaka?

“Yeah—— I’ve only seen him two or three times, so we’re not that close. He’s probably a university student. He’s very knowledgeable about poppy flowers, so probably he’ll become a scholar, huh?”

“So do you know where they are right now?”

“No, I don’t know and the phone number was private too…… I couldn’t call him again. Onii-chan is too over.”

Ayaka sadly knitted her brows, placing her phone back into her bag.

“He’s like this every time, always disappearing without saying a thing.”

I thought to myself: "That’s probably because he thinks that you’re troublesome." Ayaka looked at me and cocked her head.

“What did you say just now?”

I faked a ‘ididn’tsayanything’ expression. I’ve probably let slip my inner thoughts again.

“…… Onii-chan probably said something to you, didn’t he? I know that you’re hiding something from me.”

I silently lowered my head.

“Really, why won’t you tell me?”

I swallowed, and raised my head.

“…… I’ve heard that you refused to go to school when you were in middle school.”

Why did I ask this question? Ayaka’s expression froze, and an anxious, unnatural smile appeared on her face, showing that she wanted to hide something.

“A- About me, huh? Eh, um, that is……”

Toshi can’t be helped now, but if it was me——

“Do you think that I could still be saved?”

“…… What do you mean by that?”

I turned my back to Ayaka and walked quickly down the ladder. Even I do not know what I was talking about, why would I say such a thing?

“Fujishima-kun!”

I ignored Ayaka’s shouts and ran out of the building. On the way home, Ayaka and Toshi’s words muddled together, swirling in my mind.

<center>*</center>

The next day, I planned to skip the fifth and sixth period of Chemistry and go home straightaway. That was because I wasn’t ready to speak to Ayaka alone.

But when break time started, the guys nearby started to come and chat with me, causing me to lose my chance from escaping the classroom.

“Fujishima, I saw you at the arcade yesterday. You were with Ichinomiya-senpai, aren’t you?”

“Erm, hmm?”

Lately, my classmates kept chatting with me, but I’m still not used to it. To be exact, I haven’t remembered their names yet, so I feel as if I did something wrong when I talk to them. But I still answered them:

“Are you talking about Tetsu-senpai, Right? Do you guys know him?”*****

“Of course, Ichinomiya-senpai is extremely famous, I’ve heard that some boxing centers tried to recruit him for their team.”

“That’s right, he’s a legendary person. Didn’t he do a lot of great things before this? I’ve heard that the reason that the P.E teacher’s restroom is turned into a storeroom was that Ichinomiya-senpai ruined it.”

“It was also said that the back door is kept closed because Ichinomiya-senpai broke it, so it’s become crooked and couldn’t be opened.”

“The Principal is bald because of Ichinomiya-senpai.”

Te- Tetsu-senpai is that famous?

“How did you get to know Ichinomiya-senpai, Fujishima?”

That is because……

“Is it because Ichinomiya-senpai always goes to the place where Ayaka is working part time? Isn’t that right?”

The girls joined the conversation too.

“It’s a ramen shop, right? I went there once.” “The shopkeeper’s very pretty.” “Really? I want to go next time.” “Is it tasty?” “Their ice cream is the best.” “Why is it that the ice cream is tasty? Isn’t it a ramen shop?”

But Ayaka as the person that they were talking about did not say anything, or join the conversation. Our classmates ignored Ayaka and I, chatting away happily. Just when we were starting to get rowdy, the bell marking the fifth period rang, and the Chemistry teacher walked into the classroom.

That caused me to be unable to skip the class, and so I was forced to stay until school ends. Usually, Ayaka would immediately drag me to the Gardening Club, but today she just looked at me for a moment, and walked out of the classroom while putting on her armband.

“Did you guys have a fight?”

The guy who sat in front of me asked me casually, and I shook my head. The focus of my classmates were on me. If I were to go home just like that, it seems like the atmosphere would get worse. I was forced to leave my bag in the room and went to look for Ayaka in the courtyard.

Ayaka was holding a spade while squatting at the side of the garden. I sat on the bricks beside the garden, watching the plants that we tended, as I did not know what to say.

The one who spoke first was Ayaka.

“You still don’t remember the names of our classmates, right?”

“…… How did you know?”

“I sensed it from the way that you spoke.”

But is there a problem with that?

“It doesn’t matter if you don’t remember their names, it’s just that you seem very guarded when talking to the others, like you’re talking at two sides of a brick wall. You were like that yesterday too……”

Ayaka still minded what had happened yesterday…… Actually I mind it too. The words that Toshi have said is still lingering in my ears.

“…… Why do you butt in my business so much? Are those people who can’t fit in school life such an eyesore?”

After I said that, I felt that I’ve been too harsh. From yesterday, I had been trying to control my temper. Ayaka looked dumbfounded, with her jaw open. After about three seconds, she suddenly blushed.

“Why are you asking such a thing?”

She actually asked me why.

“I can only speak to the others through a wall, does that bother anyone?”

“…… It bothers me!”

Ayaka answered with her face red.

“…… You’ve bothered me!”

Ayaka’s tone became harsh, and she repeated it again. With my mouth half-open, I could only stare at her lips in a daze. What is she talking about? What does she man by that?

“You don’t need to know the others in class better, but can’t you lower your guard when talking to me? It makes me feel very lonely.”

“…… Why?”

“Why? You asked me why? Don’t you know?”

Ayaka stood up and said loudly. Quite a few students in the courtyard shifted their gaze to us.

“I…… Eh? Ah, wh- why?” My muddled thoughts made me seem as if I’m raving. I stood up.

“…… I really don’t know!”

“Forget it, never mind if you don’t know.”

Ayaka, whose face was dyed a sunset red, bit her lips and shook her head. I froze, and Ayaka took her bag that was on the bench beside the garden, turned around and ran away.

“…… Wait!”

I don’t know why I wanted to catch hold of Ayaka, but she roughly flung away my hand.

Bzzzzzzt.

The sound of something tearing rang out loud. My whole body suddenly became cold.

A yellow object fell onto the soil.

The armband of the Gardening Committee have become a torn, yellow piece of cloth.

“Ah……”

Ayaka turned around, used her hands to cover her mouth, and lowered her head to look at the armband for awhile. When I picked it up to say something, Ayaka hurriedly turned around and ran away, disappearing out of the school gate in a flash.

I was left behind. I squatted down and went into a daze in the winter sun, thinking repeatedly about the things that Ayaka have just said. I thought for many times, but I still couldn’t understand the reason for Ayaka’s tears, and have no idea what to do now.

I stood there for awhile, and resignedly picked up the spade and the armband. I originally thought that Ayaka might come back immediately, but I as a member of the Gardening Club should still do my job. But I only know how to water and weed, after I finished doing them, it was as if there was a hole in my heart.

Until the sun had set, Ayaka still hasn’t come back.

I walked into the computer lab that I didn’t enter for a long time, tried to sit in the seat by the windows, but I couldn’t find the energy to turn on the computer. So the computer lab that has only one person is actually so quiet.

I placed the torn armband on the table. Why? Why did Ayaka get angry? I got more and more angry thinking about it. She didn’t even explain properly but started to cry, it gave me a headache too. I don’t even know if it’s my fault. No, it is probably my fault. If I cannot continue to be silent, what should I do?

Then I thought of something.

Doesn’t this mean that I’ve returned to the days when I’m alone?

But the silence in the room was suffocating. I couldn’t stand it, stuffed the armband back into my pocket and walked out of the computer laboratory.

<center>*</center>

When I think about it, it’s the first time that I went to the station by myself. Around the station were a lot of people waiting to cross the road, sometimes the crowd rushed out as if a gate suddenly opened.

On the road, there was an orchestra of the sound of exhausts, footsteps of hundreds of people, people selling phones and music of Christmas songs. Walking in the crowd, my back and my shoulders kept getting pushed, so I could only continue to walk unsteadily. Suddenly I had an illusion that I was alone at a barren place in the winter.

I shook my head, crossed the zebra crossings and went to the arcade at the street center.

I remember using a few coins to play, but didn’t really remember what game I’ve played. After I used up all the coins, I sat on the chair with my back to the wall and stared at the end screen of the game.

Before I met Ayaka, how did I pass my time alone? I actually could not remember it, it’s really unbelievable. I don’t know how to apologize to Ayaka if I went to the ramen shop and met her there, so I could only stay in the arcade, depressed. Because Ayaka doesn’t even want to speak to me.

That was how I tiredly leaned against the wall, and did not leave until the arcade played the ‘Goodnight Song’.

<center>*</center>

It was already past midnight, the streets that were further away from the station were already in darkness. I walked near Hanamaru Ramen shop and peered inside the shop from between the buildings. The curtains were already taken down, and a dim light could be seen faintly in the dark kitchen. There weren’t anyone else except Min-san, as it was already time for the shop to close.

What am I doing?

I squatted beside the air-conditioner to hide myself. Everything has already become messed up. I really feel like digging a hole to hide in it. When I sat down, the cold air passed through my thin coat. Maybe I should just sleep here? I might be able to freeze to death like this.

“Narumi, what are you doing here?”

Suddenly I heard a voice from above me. Shocked, I stood up and banged my head on the exhaust pipe. The pain made me see stars.

“…… It hurts.”

“Are you an idiot……”

A surprised expression appeared on Min-san’s face.

“How……” How did you know that I was here?

“Alice called me to say that someone was loitering over here. Why did you come? Ayaka has already gone home!”

“Ah……”

It’s the surveillance cameras. How annoying, wasting these high-tech machines on this useless place. I could not face Min-san, but felt her gaze on me.

I couldn’t say anything for a moment.

Finally, I heard her sigh.

“Do you want to enter the shop? There are some new dishes for the winter.”

I raised my head. Min-san has even took off her vest, wearing an apron on the lower half of her body, while only a sarashi was bound to the upper part of her body.

Min-san took hold of my arms and dragged me into the shop. I just came here yesterday, but now I still feel that the smell in Hanamaru Ramen Shop is very nostalgic. The large pot that was used to cook soup in the kitchen was still being heated up, with white fumes wafting out of it. Even if it’s winter, the soup that is prepared for a long time would still be steaming hot, wouldn’t it? It’s just that the way that Min-san was dressed: showing her stomach, was too hot for a teenager like me. I could only look away from her.

[[Image:Kamisama no memocho vol01 096.jpg|thumb|Min-san took two paper cups and sat down beside me.]]
Min-san took two paper cups and sat down beside me. Hello? You’re just wearing a sarashi for your upper body! Why don’t you at least wear a shirt? I tried very hard not to look at her and focused my attention on the ice cream. The ice cream this time was sprinkled with cocoa powder. Eating just a spoonful of it, I could taste the sweet flavor of cheese and the fragrance of orange wine, this is a flavor that even I know.

“…… Tiramisu?”

“That’s right, sometimes I would try to make something mainstream too. Does it taste good?”

I nodded. Compared to the ramen here, saying that the ice cream is good isn’t really just being courteous. I remember that tiramisu in Italian meant ‘give me a pull’, is my depressed feeling that clearly shown on my face? I fell into deep thought, and accidentally let my tongue slip.

“You can make such delicious ice cream, then why did you open a ramen shop?”

Whoops!

I cautiously took a peek at Min-san’s expression, but could only see a melancholic expression on her face.

“This shop was originally my dad’s.” Her expression suddenly returned to normal and said: “I have wanted to open an ice cream shop, so I became an apprentice at an ice cream shop. But one day my dad suddenly disappeared without a trace, so I came back to inherit the shop.

“So that’s it……” I don’t know what to say, and could only lower my head in apology. “I’m sorry, asking these strange questions.”

“You don’t need to be sorry.” Min-san said while smiling.

“Haven’t you ever thought of remodeling the shop into an ice cream shop?”

“Yeah, I did. But I like this shop, the customers and the atmosphere here. These are only present because of the ramen shop. If I remodeled the shop, these will disappear, so I chose to continue.”

Min-san looked around the dark shop. There were menus that were splattered with drops of oil, autographs of artists(probably) stuck onto the wall, a cracked counter, and an old but brightly polished kitchen ceiling and wall.

“Those who doesn’t have a job claimed the back of the ramen shop as their territory, it’s because they don’t have any other places to go. I don’t mind that!”

While saying that, Min-san patted her apron that had ‘Hanamaru’ printed on it. This is the symbol of the shop and the shop is what Min-san got for giving up on her dream of selling ice cream.

“Is…… that so?”

I again thought of meaningless stuff, and accidentally blurted out.

“But your father might be missing because he hated the ramen shop and may not have wanted you to inherit the ramen shop.”

“I know.”

Min-san slapped my shoulders roughly while laughing loudly.

“I don’t care what other people think of, I just do it because I feel like doing it, and that’s enough. People live by forcing others to accept other people to accept their own way of living.”

I blankly stared at Min-san’s face.

“We don’t even know what they’re thinking about anyways, so we can only assume that they are the same as us!”

…… Ah, so that’s how it is.

I finally understood the reason for Ayaka’s anger.

She was the same as me. I , too, was depressed and angry because Ayaka went away without saying a thing.

Because the only person by my side was Ayaka.

Ayaka was the only person who talked to me.

Why did I find out about such a simple matter only now? Why now?

After a long silence, I suddenly found that my forehead was on Min-san’s bare shoulders, then I hastily backed away.

“Ah, err…… So- sorry.”

Min-san laughed, patted my head gently and showed a ‘it’s all right, don’t you mind’ kind of smile.

Things are probably alright now, right? Although I still don’t know what to do. Probably because I was now relieved, my stomach started to grumble. Min-san did not miss that.

“There’s a ramen with a new flavor, do you want to try it?”

“Err….. Erm…..” I hesitated for awhile. It seemed that Min-san has noticed something, then she squinted while coming close to me.

“……Hmmm, I feel that you often tell people of your true feelings, so I have something to ask you.”

“Ah?” Do I look like this kind of person? Do I talk to myself so frequently?

“…… How is my ramen? Are they good?”

Min-san’s expression became very sincere. Her hands held both of my hands, wet eyes looking at me coquettishly, making me unable to keep silent.

“Err……”

“You can just tell me the truth, I won’t hit you.”

“Sometimes the soup just feels a tiny bit sweet……”

“You can just tell me honestly, is it good or is it bad?”

“If you really want me to say, then of course it’s bad. Ouch! That hurts, didn’t you say you won’t hit me?”

“Shut up, idiot!”

I was kicked out of the shop.

“I WILL make a soup that will make you say that it is tasty and touch you to tears, remember that!”

Like a child screaming at me, Min-san closed the grille door. I was the only person at the bottom of this building.

Will things turn out alright even now? How should I apologize? ‘It’s simple…..” Ayaka’s words replayed in my mind. ‘Shout when you’re angry like the others, and laugh when you’re happy like the others, speak your mind when you want something, you could do it too.’

If things were that simple, I wouldn’t be here right now. Then what on Earth could I do? I thought fuzzily while walking towards the cold, night streets.

<center>*</center>

I skipped classes for two days. It was not because I was sick or hurt. Although I, myself, thought that this is stupid, I still felt: I can’t face Ayaka before I’m mentally prepared.

On Friday, I went to school after it had ended. I haven’t gone to the rooftop after school for quite some time now, but Ayaka was nowhere to be seen. Crossing over the railings and looking at the campus, I could not see Ayaka at the garden.

I thought—— maybe it’s already too late, maybe I have already lost everything, but is still comically turning around in circles, trying to make amends. That couldn’t be helped, because I’m an idiot.

After pondering for a while, I thought of a place that I haven’t searched for yet.

The greenhouse was at the interior of the school, near to the walls surrounding the school. At the other side of the wall is a graveyard, so not many people go there. Entering the Gardening Club for a month or so, this is still the first time that I’ve come to the greenhouse. As taking care of greenhouse plants requires special skills, Ayaka has always handled them alone.

Through the foggy glass, I could only faintly see the greenery inside, its interior should be about as big as a classroom.

When I was about to extend my hands to the high class rustless handle, the door opened from the inside.

“…… Fujishima-kun?”

Suddenly I came face to face with Ayaka, who looked shocked after giving out a scream. I was shocked too, and could not immediately accept the fact that Ayaka suddenly appeared before my eyes.

“I- I just sprayed some herbicide inside, so you can’t go close to it!”

Ayaka regained her cool and pushed me out of the greenhouse by the chest.

“Why did you come here?”

Ayaka sounded as if she was still angry.

“…… Well, I’m also a part of the Gardening Club.”

“You don’t need to force yourself again. It’s all my fault, dragging you into the Gardening Club against your will. Let’s just be a ghost member in each other’s clubs.”

Ayaka said angrily, which was out of character for her.

“……That wouldn’t do.”

I said with a voice that got smaller and smaller. Maybe Ayaka would never forgive me ever again. Thinking of this, my whole body shivered.

“Why? Aren’t you…….”

“…… If things go on like this, won’t the things that we’ve done painstakingly go to waste?”

“—— Eh?”

I took out a plastic bag from my pocket, took out one of them and stuffed it into her hands. She opened her hands and raised it to eye level. It was a piece of black cloth —— an armband, and on it was printed a round, orange shape.

Ayaka stared at the armband for awhile, and raised her head.

“…… Pervert, Repelling, Machine? (Note: Pervert, repel, and machine in Japanese are ‘Chikan’, ‘Genkitai’, and ‘Machine’ respectively. Their initials CGM is the same as the badge)”

“I think it’s better if you return that to me!”

“Whoa, I’m just joking, sorry.”

“You read it from the middle letter —— M High School Gardening Club.

“…… It means us, right?”

[[Image:Kamisama no memocho vol01 104.jpg|thumb|The expression on Ayaka’s face went through complicated changes, looking as if she’s both crying and laughing.]]
I shifted my gaze and nodded. The expression on Ayaka’s face went through complicated changes, looking as if she’s both crying and laughing.

“How did you make this? It wouldn’t be because you wanted to make this that you took two days off, would it?”

“Yeah, I designed it using a computer, and made it at a shop.”

Ayaka looked relieved. She carefully wore the armband and then showed it to me, her stiff expression is gradually gone too.

Ayaka looked at the plastic bag in my bag and said: “Did you make one for yourself, too?”

“Yeah, you need to order at least ten if you want to make it there.”

I thought up a lot of things as an apology, but my mind was blank right now.

“I never thought that you were that bad at negotiating with other people.”

Ayaka laughed delightedly, while I was completely embarrassed, and could only lower my head.

“But you made the armband for me, I’m really happy.”

She said to me. I raised my head, clumsily returned her smile and said with my voice that sounded like it was going to vanish at any moment: “Uh, I’m sorry……” That was the best that I could do at that moment.

“Hey, let’s make a bigger one! Like a flag or something. We can use it during the school festival for the club relay race.”

Who would take part, then? There’s only two people in the club.

“That’s right, we can make a webpage! We can let this logo take the stage on the website. Do you know how to do these things?”

What can you put on the website? But I did not have enough time to answer before Ayaka continued: “Then I’ll go borrow the keys to the rooftop!” and then ran away.

While looking at her silhouette, I thought to myself: it’s okay if things are like this.

I might be clumsy, but, it would be enough if I do the things that I know how to do bit by bit.

<center>*</center>

But all of this is too late. At a place that I do not know of, my small world is quietly but truly corroded by drugs. At the corner of the evening paper that night, there was a report of the death of a young man who was sent to the hospital because of overdose of medication.

The ‘Angel Fix’ incident made a mess of my sixteen year old life in that winter, and the first person who died in that incident was that person.

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