Baka-Tsuki - User contributions [en]

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Interview

2014-08-10T17:56:50Z

MatrixM: Created page with "Anybody else think Eiji Mikabe is seriously underrated? ~~~~"

Anybody else think Eiji Mikabe is seriously underrated? [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 12:56, 10 August 2014 (CDT)

Talk:Mushoku Tensei:Volume 01

2014-07-14T01:54:20Z

MatrixM: Created page with "Why put 'onani-ing' instead of 'masturbating'? ~~~~"

Why put 'onani-ing' instead of 'masturbating'? [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 20:54, 13 July 2014 (CDT)

Talk:Kokoro Connect:Volume 2

2013-10-31T12:21:10Z

MatrixM: Created page with "I just need to point out that 'atmosphere' is entirely overused in this series' translation. In my experience, it's not even used often in day-to-day life so it just sounds aw..."

I just need to point out that 'atmosphere' is entirely overused in this series' translation. In my experience, it's not even used often in day-to-day life so it just sounds awkward too. [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 07:21, 31 October 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Kokoro Connect:Volume 2 Chapter 1

2013-10-31T08:22:28Z

MatrixM: Created page with "'Misattribution efect' is not a real thing. Or, at least, is not its real name. Could they have been referring to the 'Suspended Bridge Effect'? Though that exactly fit their ..."

'Misattribution efect' is not a real thing. Or, at least, is not its real name. Could they have been referring to the 'Suspended Bridge Effect'? Though that exactly fit their situation either, it seems similar to what they mean. [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 03:22, 31 October 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Kokoro Connect:Volume 1 Chapter 1

2013-10-29T13:57:11Z

MatrixM:

=== Editing ===
Regarding the description of Iori's hair:
her thin smooth hair that was as fine as silk didn't seem to have any '''substance''' to it

I think I understand what you were trying to get at here. "Persistence" and "insistence" are just odd words, so I changed it to "substance"
[[User:Unkani|Unkani]] 02:12, 7 August 2012 (CDT)

If you're changing <Bunken News> to <Bunken Bews>, don't forget the other chapters. This change seems particularly odd though. [[User:Unkani|Unkani]] ([[User talk:Unkani|talk]]) 16:28, 30 August 2012 (CDT)

Okay, changed back to «Bunken News»; at first I just wanted to add the '«' '»', but at the end I messed up with the name.
[[User:Pudding321|Pudding321]] 19:22, 30 August 2012 (CDT)

I've slept very little the past couple of days but it seems that the phrasing needs to be rearranged or sentences checked for consistency of tenses at times. E.g. Do we say the face 'is supple' or 'was supple'?
Sacrosanct seems a little out of place but I'm gonna assume it's going with the tl. Also, I'm not sure if the person who put it there knows what 'notwithstanding' means.
Shining of glee, a smiling face brought forth some warm wind and light into the room. It was just that person standing there smiling. Notwithstanding, it brought the feeling that the flower-and-blossom blooming of spring had arrived.
Were the wind and light an illusion born from her smile/radiance or were they literally there? I think the sentence implies the former heavier. Notwithstanding what? And again, was the feeling of spring from the character or from the wind? I'm removing 'notwithstanding' for now. Perhaps there was something missing from the tl. I also don't think those hyphens should be there. Might be wrong, though /sleepdeprived.
Oh, and I felt that commonplace felt out of place there. perhaps I just don't like that word, though. [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 07:54, 29 October 2013 (CDT)

Aoki's hair was somewhat long and curled. He always had an adorable (if negative that is light-hearted ) smile. He gave the impression that he was lazy but easy to talk to (this, the same, if negative, is frivolous). He was also tall and thin, having the figure of a literature teenager.
(comments weren't mine but are good ones). I think it DOES mean 'bookish'. Pretty sure it's just a problem of direct translation. Was 'negative' here supposed to be something like 'weak'?
"Ohoh, straight strike to the head with a hand chop."
Changing this to make it more obviously a tsukkomi thing might be a good idea. [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 08:57, 29 October 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Kokoro Connect:Volume 1 Chapter 1

2013-10-29T12:54:42Z

MatrixM:

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume 6 Scene 4 (1)

2013-10-29T10:56:51Z

MatrixM:

It says junior high here. As I understand it, that's years 7-9. We previously said 'middle school' so I think for the sake of consistency we should choose one name, 'junior high'. [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 02:41, 17 July 2013 (CDT)
:: Good catch. Though some new issues are raised... (balance between localization and EEE intent). per wikipedia: "In education systems where children receive three levels of schooling, a middle school is a school which educates them after they have finished their first school and before they commence the last. Middle schools generally cover between the fourth or fifth year of schooling up to the eighth or ninth year, although this may vary. The education delivered by middle schools is usually considered a part of secondary education, but in some education systems may be primary education or a mix of the two.

In some areas, junior high school fulfills the same function as a middle school."

So if EEE TL'd this instance as junior high school _specifically_ because it referred to a more precise/older demo...I'd leave it. Otherwise, change is probably right.

Fwiw, middle school may have a literal definition as whatever comes between segments one and three of pre-college in a given country (and thus could be, depending on country, 4/5-8/9 - and 7-9 for japan), it also has a localized (US EN) connotation of being "younger" than junior high.

Mild support for this interp in text: this passage is very far along/they're actually dating. Many earlier instances were clearly demonstrative of much greater youthfulness. OK - waaay too much random detail on my part at 5AM

Also see:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Education_in_Japan#Junior_high_school
[[User:Grrarr|Grrarr]] ([[User talk:Grrarr|talk]]) 04:03, 17 July 2013 (CDT)
: Also, a hi-fi system is some type of speaker? [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 02:46, 17 July 2013 (CDT)
:: speaker + rest of audio system, usually. [[User:Grrarr|Grrarr]] ([[User talk:Grrarr|talk]]) 04:03, 17 July 2013 (CDT)
:: I'd recommend that we replace it with something more universal (no one says hi-fi in Australia, it seems to be a new British word) but I can't think fo anything that wouldn't interrupt the flow >.> [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 05:56, 29 October 2013 (CDT)

Golden Time:Volume1 Chapter1

2013-09-09T15:18:07Z

MatrixM: /* Chapter 1 */

<noinclude>==Golden Time 1: Chapter 1==</noinclude>
==Chapter 1==

[[Image:Golden Time vol01 015.jpg|thumb]]
Tada Banri ran half crying.

The Tokyo streets at one o'clock in the morning, despite being "the Tokyo", were pitch dark with no signs of life, not even a lit light by a window. During the day today (or rather, yesterday already), in spite of it only being April, it had been so warm he had been wearing only a T-shirt and drinking iced coffee, muttering to himself "It must be global warming." He was now shivering from the cold and anxiety. The sleeves of his flannel hoodie pulled down to his fingertips, his too-unsteady footsteps making a flapping sound from the sandals on his bare feet, anyhow, if he could just get to the main street everything might be all right... Should be all right. He wanted it to happen. With all his heart he ran.

"A young man turning nineteen this year shouldn't be running through the streets at night teary eyed...", I thought, but I understood Banri's feelings.

If I were in the same situation, I might cry too.

He had come to the capital together with his mother who, for the sake of her son who was starting a life alone, had arranged for furniture, appliances, gas, water, electricity and so on. She'd gotten through various minor formalities here and there, and then this afternoon (already, so fast!) she'd returned home in a Hikari<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikari_(train) Hikari]</ref> bullet train.

And then, finally, he had truly started the first night of his life alone. Only, this night kept him from tomorrow morning's college entrance ceremony. Late at night, as the new day was just starting, unable to sleep with his worries, he did as he supposed any resident of Tokyo would do in order to distract himself: he went from one convenience store to another... but he lost his way in the streets. Worse, it appeared that somewhere, somehow, he had lost the key to his new home. In any case, it wasn't there in his pocket anymore.

Banri's feet suddenly stopped and walked all of three steps back the way he'd come. He saw a map of the residential area standing by the edge of the sidewalk. "Saved", he said to himself as he approached and searched for the apartment building where he now lived, "Motomachi", tracing a route with his finger from "You are here". Anyway, once he had returned to the front of the apartment building, he intended to walk all the way back to the convenience store, searching for his keys.

But... ahh, enough.

If this voice could reach Banri, I would tell him, "Look more carefully at the map. That 'Motomachi' is the 'Motomachi' in the next district!'" No, rather I would say, "You left them in the apartment in the first place, forgetting to lock up! They're in the room!" Unfortunately, I cannot do that.

For the time being, all I can do is pray for him so that if Banri could just get back to the apartment somehow and get to sleep quickly, then perhaps he would survive tomorrow's entrance ceremony without problems. Just how important can one day in your life be, this new college student entrance ceremony? Even I--- though having become a wandering soul, can understand.

I couldn't believe the possibility that the spirits of men, even when they have left their bodies, remain and stay in this world to watch over someone. This side of the world was hidden, so I had only recently found out.

I am, so to speak, a ghost.

My name was once Tada Banri.

Nobody hears this voice anymore, nobody notices my existence.

I just keep watching this new Tada Banri who continues to live, even though I, his spirit, have fallen out of him.

"Young man, at this hour what---, what happened---"

All of a sudden, the living Tada Banri turned his face forward and a light shone straight in his eyes, freezing him like a deer in a car's headlights.

"Ah, wha... I, I got lost..."

"Do you have a license, a passport, anything with you that can prove who you are?"

"Eh, ah, huh..."

He was being subjected to the first police interrogation of his life. This was going to be a long night. Was this situation a crisis? Was it a gift from god? You can never tell where Banri is concerned.

<center>* * *</center>

Anything and everything thrown together, his current state of affairs was one of "Great Trepidations", thought Banri as he looked around.

The weather, however, was truly excellent.

A snowstorm of cherry blossom petals from the clear blue sky danced around frantically, as they wanted to spend their lives as spectacularly as possible. The auditorium, located amongst a number of old gray office buildings, seemed to welcome the moment of drama.

The scene looked like something from a painting. Cherry blossoms against an April sky. Young people gathering for opening ceremonies. Men and women alike wearing brand new suits and leather shoes, bright smiles breaking out all over the place, anticipating college life. Banri felt like trying to cut off the dark, inconspicuous corner of that painting, where he stood.

A constant stream of friendly conversations passed before his eyes. The auditorium entrance was beneath the eaves of the building. For the moment, Banri and everybody else had the same brand new suits and the same brand new leather shoes, in their hands they had envelopes with the names of their colleges. With dark circles beneath his eyes from lack of sleep, he didn't look the typical freshman. His right sideburn curled out at a strange angle and some of the hairs near his ear stuck inside, rustling around, bothering him.

He couldn't get to sleep until three in the morning. He'd been a wreck since last night.

He got the idea, in the dead of the night, to go out and buy something, got lost in the streets of an unfamiliar neighborhood (a rather dumb thing to do), took time away from a policeman's duties, explained his situation and was escorted back to his apartment, with great difficulty he got to sleep, but due to his nerves, he woke up at six in the morning. But it was better than sleeping in late, he thought, as he slowly laid out his clothes while he thawed some rice his mother had put in the freezer, then ate breakfast. After that he took a shower, and dried off his hair while sitting on the bed. He shouldn't have done that. His body heated up by the shower, the still brand-new sheets comfortably cool, he had lain down without intending to. He didn't remember closing his eyes. "Eh... What'd I do now... What the heck...", he said when he realized it was already past nine o'clock. The opening ceremony was to start at ten in the morning.

Jerked awake like a puppet, he fell into a state of panic as he looked in the mirror, his newly washed hair now a mess from having slept on it, but he didn't have enough time to wash it again. He cheated with the dryer as much as he could, threw on a suit and flew out of the apartment. In that moment, he was even more on the verge of crying. He got on two trains later than he should have by the schedule, the right shoes on, but the wrong socks. Without even realizing it, he had put on his customary ankle-baring sneaker socks. Indeed, with his stiff new shoes, when he sat, he felt a weird chill around his ankles. He felt helpless.

He dashed from the station, somehow or another arriving at the college entrance ceremony on time. Taking his seat, he composed himself like a perfect freshman while the visitors were welcomed, though he found himself disassociated from the grand occasion. That wasn't from lack of sleep, nor from bedhead.

It was because, he realized, he was the only one entirely alone.

He wasn't even trying to be observant: the place was noisy the whole time from people talking. It was because everybody else had somebody to talk to. If they'd come up from an affiliated high school, they'd already formed groups of friends, guys and girls together, and if not, they were usually seated with their parents. Usually.

"Parents these days don't go to college entrance ceremonies!" "That may be so at Toudai<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_Tokyo Toudai]</ref>, but at this place that's overdoing it. Everybody's going to think I'm some sort of mama's boy!" "Absolutely ridiculous!" "Parents don't normally come to college entrance ceremonies!" After Banri's complaints, his mother had returned home the day before. "Well, I've brought this just in case...", she said, then put a companion ticket for the admission ceremony back into her wallet, like it was something precious. He hadn't been all that seriously wishing for her not to come. But then he whined absurdly like a little kid, "I don't want you to come", in what he thought was a normal parent-child relationship.

And now, having gotten here, already discouraged, but above all, feeling guilty of being disloyal to his parents. '''(!)''' It weighed heavily on him. He hadn't even waved. His mother's back had gone through the Yaesu<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaesu Yaesu]</ref> north entrance ticket gate, disappearing as he saw her off.

Without realizing it, he sighed pathetically as he stood still in the entrance, seeing the hair of people descending the steps, laughing together.

From where he stood, he could not see anybody else who was alone. He rubbed his eyes with his middle fingers. Maybe it was pollen, or perhaps lack of sleep, but his eyes were itching strangely. A guy who forgot his handkerchief certainly wouldn't have brought eyedrops with him either.

Things aren't looking good--- yeah, even as early as today, it looked like things are going to keep on going badly.

"You gonna ride the train? Or walk?"

"Why bother going up to the station? It just makes me tired. I prefer to walk."

In front of the paralyzed Banri's eyes, two guys walked by in suits, loosening their neckties.

From the auditorium, he had to make it over to the freshman orientation by himself, one hour later over on his department's part of campus. Having said that, according to the guide map that had been passed out to them, it was only one station away by subway. Even though he had just arrived in the capitol, that didn't mean he'd just crept in from the wilderness, nor that he was all that nervous about what he had to do. What was confusing from Banri's point of view was that the crowd leaving the auditorium, for some reason, was dividing in two.

Perhaps, the people turning north were going to the station. Those going south were walking. With the weather so nice, he wanted to walk, but the walking route wasn't noted on the map. The memory of last night's disaster still fresh in his mind, he didn't want to get lost by himself again in the streets. "But from now on, I will have to find the way everywhere by myself..." "But still..." Banri stood there murmuring, still hesitating for a while, then he finally made up his mind and went down the steps to the street.

He decided to stick close to the pair, who preferred to walk. "From this point on we're a trio!", he whispered to the backs of the two in front of him. The two of them were dressed in slim dark grey suits, just like Banri.

Still lacking the courage to make conversation, Banri followed after them, matching their pace. Though things were a bit uncomfortable right now, eventually their classes and studies would draw them together as friends. He'd say things like "Honestly, at the opening ceremony I was hopelessly following you two", and then they would be able to laugh about it all. Banri's pursuit still unnoticed, the two walked on steadily. At length the entire crowd of freshmen had flowed out of the auditorium, into the streets, where, like a river coming together, they mixed into the crowds of the weekday town passing by. If you didn't look too close, you could wind up confusing the freshmen and the businessmen. When,

"Ah, it's rather hot today, isn't it? Let's go get some ice cream."

"Really?"

The right-hand guy spoke on a whim. Staring at the back of the guy's head, Banri's eyebrows rose without thinking.

"Really. Why don't we stop by the next convenience store? I'll eat ice cream."

Do you really want to eat some ice cream right now? The opening ceremony has just ended, and you want ice cream from a convenience store in the middle of the way to the orientation, when the time is limited? He gazed the back of the left guy's head. "Forget it." You on the left, say it! Just what he was going to do while those guys ate ice cream, he had no idea.

"In that case I'll have some too. There ought to be a 7-11 around here somewhere."

"Yeah, there was a 7-11. But where was it, I wonder?"

They didn't hear Banri's silent message. Leaving the slow stream of passersby, the two turned down a narrow side street. This was the time when he should have bidden farewell to them, sticking to the other freshmen. Banri should have done that, but he suffered a lapse in judgment. Going along straight ahead, it wasn't easy to distinguish freshmen from businessmen right away, so without thinking he had gone along with the two down the side street. "Ah ah ah." Ignoring Banri, whose conscience tried quietly to hurry him, those two were saying things like, "Hmm, 7-11, 7-11. Over there? Over here?" Those two stayed cool and collected as they went along unfamiliar streets. Perhaps they wanted to get rid of him... among such doubts, he turned left and right, straying from the right way,

"Ah, it wasn't a 7-11 after all."

They were in front of a Family Mart<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FamilyMart Family Mart]</ref>.

The two of them entered the store without hesitation, not noticing Banri's presence yet, who stood there blinking his eyes rapidly from anxiety. Not knowing what else to do, he followed suit, leaving a little distance between them. He turned his back to them, pretending to stare at the magazines, while the two were fishing in the ice-cream case. After some ten seconds, he made up his mind, "I'll have to eat too." In order to look normal, he figured he ought to just do the same things those guys were doing. After looking sidelong to make sure the two guys had gone to the cash register ice-cream in their hands, putting on his most innocent expression, he peered into the ice-cream case too. Not to waste any time in choosing, he grabbed the first one at hand, "Ah... I'd like some ice cream after all..." making such a face while the two paid their bill, he queued behind them at the register. However,

"But of course, from here we've got orientation, and ice cream could be a real mess. We don't really have much time left, maybe we should change our mind."

"Well, that may be so. Shall we just go? Excuse me sir, the register is yours, we're leaving."

"Ehh!?"

The two very politely gave their turn in line to Banri and went to put the ice-creams back in their case. The part-time store-clerk wasn't even bothered. "Next please", he said, waving Banri forward. Not having any idea what else to do, he reluctantly handed over the ice-cream, got out his wallet, and lacking small change, finally got out a 10,000 yen bill. "First the larger change", five-thousand, six-thousand, seven-thousand. "Then the small", jingle jingle jingle. Getting back his change took long, and during that time, the two left the store.

---What the heck? What am I supposed to do?

Shocked stiff, saying "no thanks" for a bag, he took the ice-cream as it was, and while putting away his wallet, Banri left the store in a daze. "Which way did those two turn?", he couldn't spot the forms of the two guys. "Calm down for now, I'm not lost yet", he kept reminding himself. "We came from this way, and then perhaps, along that way. I know that much, no problem."

When he looked at it, he realized what he bought was a Gari-Gari-Kun"<ref>[http://chibadailyphoto.blogspot.com/2008/07/garigari-kun.html Gari-Gari-Kun]</ref>". Whatever, let's eat. I should only worry after that. Banri shook his head to clear his panicky mind, then unwrapped his ice-cream. The soda-colored bar was tough from being too frozen, so after biting into it, "I have to put off eating this", he realized.

He took a looong breath.

"...What's this? ...What am I doing..."

What an idiot.

By the time he had realized it, the likely-to-be-important orientation was within thirty minutes or so. With no idea where he was, he was eating his ice-cream alone in front of the convenience store. The form of an idiot, who fell into this too unreasonable situation was reflected in the mirror mounted on the ID-picture machine across the street from the store.

He wore a dark grey suit, with a large light-green envelope. He held a light blue popsicle in hand. The hair drooping over his ruddy cheeks, was lighter than expected. Nonetheless, biting into the ice-cream, the features themselves looked much more composed than how he had previously perceived them. Even at a time like this, "Wow. If I look at myself objectively, I'm quite..." Banri thought, putting his hand on his chin, but

"...Whaa?"

He noticed that the image in the mirror wasn't moving together with him. Like a fool exposed, he turned around.

What was reflected in the photo-ID machine's mirror wasn't himself.

Dressed in a similarly colored suit, holding the same envelope at his side and eating the same ice cream was another person. Their eyes met, then looked away momentarily. Even so, Banri raised his eyes again and looked at the guy doing exactly the same as himself. There was no other possibility, the guy was a freshman at the same college. Ignoring him would be unnatural. Ehh, aren't we doing the same thing? Ah, what, maybe we are from the same university? By saying this, he wanted to keep things lighthearted,

"...Huh? Ah? Oo're ya?"

His mouth wasn't working too well, chilled by the ice-cream, and only an ambiguous moan was getting out.

Nonetheless, with body language, pointing at himself and then the other guy, he managed to get the point across,

"Ho...gu..."

The guy, too, while desperately trying to swallow a big mouthful of ice-cream, was looking back at Banri's face. Holding his fingertip to his mouth and chewing,

"...Well..., actually, I... the way to the college, I don't know it very well..."

His voice was lower than expected from his looks.

Without thinking, Banri gave a good long look at the other's face. Though it was just a for moment, mistaking the guy for himself was completely inexcusable, as the guy had much more composed features. He was also a bit taller than Banri, his hair better kept, his suit fit his strong shoulders well.

"I figured I would follow after somebody, so that's why I wound up walking right behind you. ...And when you went in there, I thought, 'What am I going to do now? ...Well, why not?... Why not just stick together?'"

"And from there..." the guy waved his ice-cream bar, showing it off.

Without thinking, Banri laughed. "What!?", he said, his voice now coming out naturally and brightly.

"Then really, we were doing exactly the same thing, both of us. I don't know the way either, and I followed after other guys from the auditorium `til I got here! But having been left behind, 'What am I going to do?', I was thinking."

"...Huh? Really?"

"Really. I don't know the way at all."

Still holding their ice-cream, not knowing what to do with it, they looked at each other for several seconds. In the end, they wound up laughing once more. Weren't they just the pair of oddballs? They felt like a heavy lid that was stuffed into their stomach, was swept away by laughing.

"Somehow, an unexpected meeting of similar people. I'm Tada Banri. 'Tada' means 'many fields', and though my name is made up from 'Man' and 'ri', it isn't 'Manri', but rather 'Banri'. I'm studying law. You can call me Banri."

"Oh good, I'll be studying law too. I'm [[Golden Time:Volume1_Translator%27s_Notes#Yanagisawa Mitsuo|Yanagisawa Mitsuo]]. It means that 'the willows are thick by the side of the swamp', and 'light in the center'. You don't have to be formal with me, 'Yana' will do. Did you come here straight from high school?"

"I'm one year late in starting. How about you, ''Yana''-ssan?"

"''Yana''-ssan? Wait- a year older!? ...Really? You don't look like it--- Well, it's fine. I'm straight from high school... but, though, ah, is it OK if I speak casually like this?"

"Of course. I mean, you don't even have to ask."

"I'm from Shizuoka<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shizuoka_Prefecture Shizuoka]</ref>. Since last night I live by myself. Where ya from?"

"I live close to here, but alone too."

"Yeah, freedom! We're alike! Let's be friends!"

As if raising a toast, Banri raised his half-eaten Gari-Gari-Kun to the level of his eyes. Yanagisawa raised his too the same way, and then they both finished off their treats in one breath. Throwing away the sticks, off they went, and finally before long they were able to return to the main street.

By themselves, after all, it had seemed an arduous journey, but together they weren't all that concerned. Compared to the streets of the residential area with no living soul around late at night, this time they could just ask somebody. When he was by himself, he couldn't even imagine doing that.

Chuckling to himself, he gave a sidelong glance at the already overly familiar Yanagisawa.

"Because unfortunately there wasn't anybody to talk with until now, I'd really been rather worried. I saw that other people were already among friends, and my loneliness was just getting worse."

"Ah, I was thinking that too. Especially for me, feelings of being cast out are something I didn't have for a long time now: since elementary school I've being going to an affiliated school."

"You've been going to an affiliated school since elementary?"

Nodding, Yanagisawa rapidly muttered the name of his place. Even though Banri was not from Tokyo, he still recognized the name of the prestigious private school. Over the next four years, the two of them would be attending this private university, but that other school was higher in rank in every possible way.

"Wha? Really? How come you didn't just advance to the university!? If you just stay on the escalator<ref>refers to the "escalator"/"elevator" system, in which graduates from a high school attached to a university can enter it without admission exam</ref> it always works out... What am I saying? Did I just..."

Banri reflexively shut up, stopping himself from running off at the mouth. This is wrong. What a fool he was. He was being insensitive. Maybe it wasn't he ''didn't'', but that ''couldn't'' advance. Suddenly being raised from the depths of solitude, his excitement was slipping out of his control.

"Ex, excuse me...! What I said was wrong... I'm really sorry, we had such a great start on this day... Ah, the mood is becoming awfully strange..."

All these apologies were depressing. Looking at Banri's face, who held his mouth shut this time, his eyes wandering aimlessly,

"By no means, I don't mind at all. Well, if I tell it, it's going to be a long story."

Yanagisawa waved one of his hands in front of his fine shaped chin. His gesture of "Let's talk this over slowly some other time", reached Banri as well. "Slowly, some other time." I'll tell you when we have more time. By all means, come over for a visit, OK? You can even have Bubuzuke<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chazuke Bubuzuke]</ref>. ---Ah!

Slooowly he took one step away from Yanagisawa. "Eh, what?", Yanagisawa looked at Banri's strangely fixed smile, who looked like a fool.

Banri was thinking he'd gone and done it. Last night, before getting lost in the neighborhood, he'd been looking on the net. Amongst tips for college students posted on a site, there was a human-relations item: 'Pay special attention to avoid overly familiarity on first meeting! There are possible landmines!' ...What should he do in a situation where he was the one requiring special attention? Unable to help himself, he slapped himself once on the head like a comic story teller.

"I'm such an idiot, an idiot landmine... to have caused ''Yana''-ssan such unpleasant feelings, after he's taken so much trouble to become my friend..."

"Huh? What's up? Are you perhaps troubled about what just happened? It's not that big a deal. It's not a long dragged out story, ...well, it seems you are worried for some unknown reason, so I will explain it in short. I had caused some problems concerning the opposite sex at the affiliated school. I was fed up, and needed my space. I wanted a new life as a college student, so I took the outside exam on my own will."

"It's not such a big deal, really", expressed Yanagisawa as he scratched his prominent eyebrows. Upon considering it,

"...Hyuuu...!"

Banri couldn't whistle, so he said this instead.

Carefully coming halfway back to where he was before, folding his arms across his chest, waving his finger while his shoulders shook, he intended to express "You're great!" the best way he could, within the limits of what was acceptable.

"Huh... The opposite sex?"

...If he kept his excitement at this level, then there shouldn't be any problems. But, in truth Banri wanted to be even more fired up. ''The opposite sex!? How cool! Arguing with the girls is super cool! A love triangle!? An affair!? Forbidden love!? Let me hear about it! I mean, share your luck! Make some girl trouble! [[Golden Time:Volume1_Translator%27s_Notes#Don Doko Don|Get that power-up! Super jump!]]'' ...Around his heart a tension was mounting,

"Sooo, if someone's as cool as ''Yana''-ssan, such things happen to them!? So did you have an argument with your girlfriend? Eh, eh, am I getting annoying!?"

He stopped right there.

"...No, you're not."

"Don't go making up stuff!"

With a fast half-step, he had drawn right next to Yanagisawa.

"...No, but, its no case talking about it. And by the way... she's not my girlfriend."

"Not your.. girlfriend!? What did you just say!?"

Isn't? And, while allowing Banri to get closer, the strangely serious Yanagisawa nodded. Then,

"It was not a good thing, absolutely not. It was... right. So to speak,"

Stopped by a red light at a crosswalk, he looked a little into the distance and then turned back to Banri.

"...a disaster..., it seemed like."

"Even so what does that," he tried to find out more, and as luck would have it, at that moment the light changed to green.

On this side of the crosswalk, a taxi was parked. Banri, with Yanagisawa alongside, had just started crossing in front of it at the light. ''Wham!'' The taxi's door flew open. To the asphalt descended the spike of a high-heel shoe, the hard sound echoing like a hammer.

They looked over there by reflex.

Banri gasped. In an instant, all his thoughts were swept away.

The storm of cherry blossoms had been something to see, but this, this was overwhelming.

Almost like rushing forth, out of the taxi came a huge bouquet of scarlet roses. Shining in violent contrast to the deep blue sky, deep deep deep red.

Banri's gaze was torn towards it, as it was raised overhead diagonally by that person.

"...Whop!?"

With all her strength, she struck the side of his face. "It hurts!", he shouted out, "No! It's cold!", he shouted out again, but in the end he hadn't any voice.

A cold spray of water droplets splashed over everything nearby. Completely astonished, Banri fell to the ground. The rear of his brand new suit-pants hit the ground, and he watched as more glittering drops of sprayed water came flying. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It was Yanagisawa, who was being attacked. Yanagisawa got slapped across the face from above and the sides, three times, four times, by a bouquet of fresh, deep red roses. Each time, a few of the lively flower petals fluttered away, falling like drops of blood.

And then, the finishing blow! From directly overhead the bouquet came down, thrown down on the collapsed Yanagisawa's chest.

Banri was speechless.

Yanagisawa was too.

The rose petals fluttered about vividly, overloading their senses with the intensely sweet smell of nectar. In the middle of this deep red air raid,

"...I've removed the thorns."

Showing a wide, "perfect" smile, even the breathing was calm of that woman.

Who she was, what she was, such questions were fading away like the fog in the morning. There she was, a luminous snow white form, sparkling as if gently sprinkled with drops of water --- the deep red flower petals as it were an aura about her, the queen of roses completely.

"Congratulations on your admission! That's all I wanted to say."

"This can't be", Yanagisawa groaned in a low voice, holding the roses in his arms. Like he didn't want to accept reality, he was shaking his head left and right. Banri, still the dumbfounded outsider, simply lifted his eyes to her smile.

Her skin was perfect, shining like the finest silk. Her hair was perfect, deep brown, curled without a strand out of place. Her figure was perfect, her head slightly tilted to the side. Wearing a snow-white one-piece lace dress, her neck and ears highlighted by pearls, with fine high-heeled shoes and a deep purple handbag at her wrist, in every way the woman was perfect. That such a person could even live and breathe was a complete mystery, she was so unrealistically perfect. Even her voice was as clear as tinkling bells.

"So silly of you, Mitsuo."

Suddenly intense, she looked down fixedly at Yanagisawa from under her long, thick eyelashes. Her lips shining the same deep and glossy red as the roses, just like flower petals, she continued smiling perfectly.

"Did you think you could fool me completely, sneaking off to college? Did you seriously think you could escape? There's just no way. You can't fool me with tricks like that. For Mitsuo to run away from my perfect, our perfect future, such a thing cannot be."

Mitsuo - - - She is calling my ''Yana''-ssan, no, not that he is mine in any way, Yanagisawa by his name.

Still dumbfounded and planted on the ground, their earlier conversation came to Banri's mind. This could be the trouble-making girl who is not his girlfriend, perhaps, after all.

"Mitsuo has been mine for-eeever."

"Wr...wroooongg!"

"You're mine. Don't put up useless resistance ever again. So, see you later!"

She half ran back over to the taxi, which was still parked there. Just before getting in, she noticed a flower petal stuck to her hair. She picked it gently with her fingertip and put it in the palm of her hand, then blew it this way --- I mean towards Yanagisawa, like a kiss. The petal fluttered through the air, clinging once to the tip of Banri's nose, but soon the wind carried it away.

Leaving the two of them and the roses behind on the road, the taxi took off.

"Wha,"

He looked over at Yanagisawa.

"Whaaaaaaa!"

Still holding the bouquet of roses, hair disheveled, Yanagisawa let out a long shout. Banri managed to stand up first, and extended his hand towards him,

"''Yana''-ssan, get ahold of yourself! Who was that!? I mean, what just happened!?"

Many people were looking towards them, Banri realized. For the most part, everybody was looking at Yanagisawa. He was still sitting on the ground, holding an enormous bouquet of roses, looking a bit out of place in the ordinary streetscape for sure. He was just like a time traveler out of some trendy soap opera from the bubble era<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_asset_price_bubble bubble era]</ref>. Passing along the street, groups of seemingly new students and businessmen were looking this way. Stares expressing surprise mixed with faint smiles. Some of them were pointing fingers, laughing.

Hey, look. Wow, incredible. What's up with that rose man? With that envelope and all, he's one of the freshmen from our school for sure. So mysterious! What is he doing? Isn't that rather awkward? There was muttering and whispering all around.

A bit disoriented, Yanagisawa stood up. Right then, as if in one last attack, the piled up flower petals came fluttering down from his head. Seeing them fall at his feet, looking at the bouquet of roses held to his chest,

"O..over... my student life... in one day, it's over...! Hahaha... ahahaha!"

Yanagisawa gave a distracted look and thrust one hand into his pocket. And then 'Whee!', pulling out a handful of petals that stuck there, he tossed them overhead. 'This can't go on', thought Banri, his shoulders twitching. As far as problems with the head were concerned, he had quite enough of his own.

"Hold on, ''Yana''-ssan, you've really got to get ahold of yourself! Moreover, look... we have to reach the orientation in time!"

"Am I going to carry these gorgeous roses with me to the orientation!? I'd just be embarrassed, standing out like a sore thumb, and then, for four years of student life, what'll I do!? What do they mean by 'Rose Man' anyway! Like some kind of '[[Golden Time:Volume1_Translator%27s_Notes#Ham Man|Ham Man]]'...!"

"Well well, ah, please take this: Congratulations on your admission to the college."

Some freshman girls were staring at them as they passed by, and their eyes met. On the spur of the moment, Banri pulled a few roses out of the bouquet and extended them out to the girls. Whereupon, while saying things like "Eh, is that for me?", they quite happily reached out their hands for them. Seeing this some other girls said, "Those guys are giving away roses?" "You're kidding! I want one!" And they came on over.

This might actually work, he thought.

"That's right! I'm giving out roses! Congratulations on your admission to the college! I'm the Rose Man, please have a rose!"

"...What are you doing Banri?"

"''Yana''-ssan, you should give some away too. Ah, here you go."

Pulling them out one by one, they handed out more and more roses to people.

"If all other freshmen go to the orientation, holding roses, the only memory that will be left won't be 'On the day of the entrance ceremony, there was this strange guy holding roses', but rather it will have become 'On the day of the entrance ceremony, the freshmen received roses', am I wrong? For that reason, ''Yana''-ssan too, come on, we're giving out a million roses to you and you and you and you! Yes yes, here you go, there's still more! Congratulations on your admission!"

Even the [[Toradora%21:Spin-Off_2_Translator%27s_Notes#Aunt Squad|Aunt Squad]], who were not looking like freshmen, cried "They're so pretty!", and "They're free!", and rushed over excitedly. "Could we please!?", their smiles directed at them.

"...Here you go!"

Even Yanagisawa smiled desperately, showing his teeth in a big grin while giving out roses to hand after hand.

"You are right! If I had stumbled right out of the gate, that Kouko would have had her way for sure. Even if she found out, we will be apart. We'll live in our own worlds. To that end, I went back and forth to cram school so I could get accepted here. In such a place, I wouldn't stumble! I won't become what Kouko wants me to be! My life as a student isn't over yet! Have a rose!"

They had about fifteen minutes left before the orientation start time.

<center>* * *</center>

Kaga Kouko.

That was her name it seems.

She had met Yanagisawa Mitsuo during her first year of elementary school. In those days, Kouko was a delicate, bullied little girl, whom he had protected. Because of this, she had latched onto him with all her might, saying that Yanagisawa was the 'prince of her dreams'.

"From that moment onwards, Kouko's dream has always been just one thing. 'Get married to Mitsuo!' ...scary, really."

"Scary? Why? Isn't that awfully romantic talk? A childhood promise… bound by fate to your childhood friend... sort of. That's good, totally. I mean, she is a really pretty girl, overflowing with charm, like an actress."

"You don't understand. You really don't know what it's like!"

His voice had risen only a little, but the girl seated in front of them looked back at Yanagisawa briefly. Lowering their voices, the two murmured "Sorry", and bowed their heads a little. They had been whispering too loudly.

The new law student orientation was taking place in a rather college-like way, in a wide classroom with seats arranged in tiers like a stairs. On the platform, a member of the Student Affairs department read into a microphone, "You have a duty to comport..." "Every effort to prevent accidents..." and so on, as he read out a number of important points regarding smoking, drinking and such.

A sweet smell floated across the wide space, coming from the deep red roses in the hands of a certain percentage of the students.

"...Didn't you get it from that moment earlier? Just because I don't move on to the same college as her, she ambushes me at the opening ceremony, beats me in the face with a monstrous bouquet of roses, and after she's done harassing me, she gives me a big bright smile and leaves, ''that'' kind of woman."

"She's a mess, she really is," he repeated in a soft voice like a groan.

"As far as Kouko is concerned, she has her life scenario fitting her so called 'perfect self'. She only sticks to me as part of that scenario of her perfect life. Whenever I tried to do something,"

Yanagisawa turned his face towards Banri. He separated his forelocks to the sides, disagreeably narrowed his eyes, almost cross-eyed, pushed out his chin, and with a strange tone of voice,

" 'Mitsuo! That's not right!' 'Mitsuo! That wasn't what I'd planned!' 'Mitsuo! Do what you're told!' 'Mitsuo! ''Faufaufaufa!'' ' 'Mitsuo! ''Fafafafafaa!'' ' ...That's what it was like. Not a way to live."

It was funny, but not at all like her.

"Her face wasn't like that. Rather something like this,"

Banri drew his chin back, batted his eyelashes up and down while looking upward, working his shoulder slowly back and forth, and combed up his bangs... gently,

" 'I've... removed the thorns... n...' wiggle~... wasn't it like this?"

Yanagisawa gave him a cold look and shook his head.

"What was that? No, she isn't like that at all. Of course, what can you know from just one meeting? She is like, ' ''Fuaaa!'' Mitsuoo! ''Nfuaaa!'' ' 'It's ''Fuafua''! Do ''Fuafua''! Don't ''Fafa''! ''Faa!'' Mitsuooo! ''Faaaa!'' '"

"Eh, isn't that just some lunatic? What I saw was 'Oh how silly... Mitsuo... h'."

"No no, she isn't like that at all! She is more like this! ' ''Faffaa! Faaaaan!'' Mitsuoo! ''Faan!'' ', but also,"

Yanagisawa probably wanted to demonstrate his expressiveness even more, the veins on his forehead showing, he lifted himself a little in his seat, twisting himself around, when finally,

"You there! Stop all that whispering!"

"..."

From the speaking platform a finger was pointing at him in warning. Yanagisawa flinched, awkwardly stiffened, and quietly sat back down on the more than uncomfortable, wooden bench-like seat. His cheeks flushed, he bowed his head while mouthing "Excuse me..." and like that he huddled himself up. Even Banri hurt from the piercing looks coming from around the classroom. This situation seemed even more embarrassing than the attack with the roses.

He snuck a sidelong glance at Yanagisawa's blushing face, who also looked back at Banri, "Don't say a thing", Yanagisawa expressed by simply holding his finger up before his mouth. And then rather than to cause trouble with more whispering, he scribbled something in pencil in the margin of one of their handouts.

'Anyhow, I'll be away from Kouko four years for sure!'

'I won't give up just because of that much humiliation! I'll enjoy my life as a student!'

'Hurray for a new life!!!'

'Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!!!'

And from the side you could see him grinning. His straight white teeth formed a perfect arc. ''Yana''-ssan must come from a good family and place, Banri thought. Then, taking his pencil, rather than writing an answer, with a big grin, he drew a cat that was shouting "YES!!!".

Moving on to an explanation of the required classes and lectures for graduation, the special courses needed by those who wanted to move on to law school, the special courses needed for the civil service examinations, all of the different kinds of special qualification tests and so forth, they heard all sorts of important explanations, and the day's orientation ended at about noon. When he heard "The ban on recruiting for clubs will be lifted starting this afternoon," Banri looked over at Yanagisawa and their eyes met.

To really enjoy student life, you've got to have clubs. At least, Banri thought so. Selecting a club is, absolutely, the most important requirement, he thought. It happened when accompanied by Yanagisawa, he was just about to get up from his seat.

"Mitsuo! ''Faafafafa! Faufaufaa!''"

"...Eh!?"

Suddenly a voice came from behind them. Banri and Yanagisawa looked back in unison. Banri saw white fingers placed firmly to Yanagisawa's forehead. ...Creak..., only Yanagisawa's head was made to turn around, like it was about to be twisted off from his body.

"''Faufaufaufaufaaaaaa!'' ...am I like this I wonder?"

Yanagisawa's face went white, as if the blood were draining from his head. Reaching over the desk from the seat right behind and a bit above them, both hands holding his head, there floated the perfect smile of Kaga Kouko. Amongst the sober shades of blue and grey, shining alone white in a lace two-piece dress, there she was.

The whole time - - - she had been just behind them. Probably.

"W-W-W-W..." Yanagisawa's lips trembled.

"Why... why are you... what are you doing here!?"

"For the orientation, of course. It's only natural to be here."

Watching as Yanagisawa's face, trembling all the way to his nose, went pale directly in front of her, Kouko smiled, her rosy lips parting slowly. Of course, beautiful white teeth shone between those lips.

"I told you before, didn't I? I said, 'See you later'. Didn't you hear me? Or perhaps... ''Fafafafafaa!''"

With a gesture like a caress, Kouko's beautiful finger slowly brushed Yanagisawa's hair.

"...was what you heard...?"

Her hands were fiercely swept away, and maybe out of frustration,

"What was that for?"

Kouko, still smiling but with a cold voice sharp as a knife, folded her arms. Striking a pose with her chin lifted a bit, she looked down at Yanagisawa. Her large eyes shone like black jewels, mirroring the shadow of her long eyelashes. In all this, she seemed not to have noticed Banri at all.

"Don't you ask that! What in the world are you doing!? Why are you here in this orientation!?"

"I yielded to your desire and matched mine to it! I enrolled here too."

"''Fa''..."

"Now that's a happy face. For another four years, we'll be able to study together."

Yanagisawa held his breath, ran his hand through his hair three times, and because his hair was now all messed up, when he looked up at Kouko he looked like the angry ghost of a defeated soldier.

"...Y, your plans, what about them...!? In your plans for the future, didn't you want to move ahead in studying French Literature, spending three years studying abroad in France!? Hadn't you decided to build yourself a career in the fashion business!?"

Letting out a small sigh, Kouko slid her fingers down her glossy hair which reached below to where her chest swelled out.

"A small change was definitely required, but it wasn't difficult. Student life without you by my side would be meaningless. I had been thinking that you and I would go to college together, taking classes in business so we could take over my father's business. But I don't mind. It's the same for me whether my husband owns his own business or works as a corporation lawyer. Mitsuo, you betrayed me, planning to secretly take an outside examination. When I found out I was surprised, of course... but, rather than making a fuss to forcefully stop you, I thought it better to follow you. So I took almost all the entrance exams you took as well."

"...How, could the school of my choice, have gotten out... I asked my homeroom teacher to keep it secret, and yet... I didn't tell my friends, not anybody that I was taking the test..."

"This year they finished the medical faculty building. Did you know? It's called the Kaga Memorial Building."

"It was no problem hearing as much as the school you had chosen." said Kouko, once more showing a calm expression, lips relaxing to a broad smile. Horizontally across her bangs, a blue silk hairband with red-orange patterns framed her round white forehead. From her silhouette, following along to her small chin, and continuing past to the line of her long slender neck, she could hardly be more different from the other co-eds passing behind her. She was too sophisticated.

She had distinct features, that couldn't be described in any other way but being beautifully shaped.

"Aren't you happy too, Mitsuo? That I give you all my heart."

--- More than anything else, her expression of beaming self-confidence made her prettier than any other girl, Banri realized. Yet, she hadn't even noticed Banri's existence.

Yanagisawa, making a face like he'd eaten something bitter, stared back at Kouko, dumbfounded.

"Right? You're happy, right? Answer me, Mitsuo."

"...''Un''happy..."

"Really happy, right?"

"...Forever ''un''happy..."

"The truth. You're happy, right?"

"Unhappy, I said! You're a nuisance! Despite my taking the outside exam so I could get away from you, you've gone and messed it all up! That's not something to be happy about!"

Suddenly, Kouko seemed to notice Banri's presence. She suddenly smiled pleasantly at Banri, who had been standing still next to Yanagisawa.

"Don't mind him. He's feeling out of sorts. Mitsuo is, so to speak, famous for being ''that''."

Tsu, n, de, re.

Heh.

She tapped softly near her mouth with a beige-painted fingernail, and gave a small shrug of her shoulders. Like an actress on stage, she gave an exaggerated wink. Banri had no idea how he was supposed to react,

"Well, hmm, ...My name is Tada. What to say... well, nice to meet you... heh!"

Bending loosely, he pitched forward. Pushing Banri aside, Yanagisawa chose the primitive means of escape, by attempting to run off. "Oh! Mitsuo got away!", with that Kouko ran after him, highheels ringing boldly, running up the stairs. Kouko's beautiful form stood out, capturing the eyes of many freshmen, who then turned to each other to say something. There were quite a few of those, who knew that the gorgeous roses in their hands were originally her gift. Er, there must be guys around who saw the attack at the crosswalk.

"...I mean..."

Then he realized, after all, that he was alone again.

Left behind in the lecture hall, Banri looked around. Yanagisawa and Kouko's argument had drawn looks, and some glances were still turned towards Banri too. Ill at easy, he hurriedly threw the writing instruments left scattered on the chairs, into their envelopes.

"''Yana''-ssan has left everything behind..."

Gathering under his arm printed handouts of important stuff, syllabi, and various things belonging to Yanagisawa who had forgotten about them, Banri left the lecture hall in long strides up the stairs. They have exchanged their cell-phone numbers and e-mail addresses anyway, so returning them tomorrow won't be a problem.

Leaving through one of the many doors out to the corridor, he joined the swarm of the other freshmen. Plans for going out, first time introductions, the voices and laughter here and there echoed like a small explosion. The school building was old. The light coming from the flourescent fixtures was going yellow, there were braces here and there to stiffen the walls against earthquakes, and for some reason the windows had iron grillwork fitted to them. It was said that at one time this college had been the site of a violent student demonstration, and those things must have been the remains of that time.

Carrying at his side two people's worth of envelopes, Banri slowly descended the steps. In the designated smoking corner of the lobby, some freshmen (it was doubtful whether they turned twenty or not), suits still on, were already hanging out. Glancing sideways, viewing the destination of the smoke they blew, following the guy in front of him, Banri also left the building.

That very moment.

"Freshman, congratulaaaatioooooons!"

"...Wha...!?"

With a great commotion, before his eyes fluttered a storm of confetti. There was a big crowd of students, many more than just the freshmen.

What started to surround Banri and the other freshmen blinking from this unexpected twist, were all the huge members of the American football club, yelling, and standing in the first row of students. Their big bodies crammed into their uniforms, chanting their team's name in a peculiar way, they grabbed the guys that caught their eye and easily lifted them over their heads.

"You there, freshman, con-grat-u-lations! Up you go!"

"Not me, not me, no way! Excuse meee!"

His eyes having met one of the guys with a helmet, Banri bowed his head to the summons and ran down the entrance steps in a hurry. In front of his eyes, above his head,

"Are you not interested in comic storytelling? We are holding live events for students!"

"Waa, waa, waa ♪ Come and do Glee Club ♪"

"You there, you look like someone who would love camping! The camping research club is over here!"

"The Freshman Comedy Club welcome reception will start at two o'clock! It's free of course, and there'll be drinks!"

Between leaflets being shoved at him, hands inviting him over, and then tons of bursting smiles, Banri's path was blocked over and over again. On the verge of being crushed in the crowded mayhem, all of the freshmen, swinging their idiotic faces like the heads of pigeons feeding, were being coaxed to line up before the desks of the club booths. You couldn't say that the midtown campus was very wide, but every club appearing there now had started their club recruiting meeting, with costumes, music and everything imaginable.

There was a group in varsity jackets with the college name on them, who for some reason were wearing swimsuits and shouldering oxygen tanks. There were masked pro wrestlers in tights building a small temporary ring, miniskirted lacrosse girls with polo shirts, each of them so pretty like a model, and some otherwise unidentifiable guys, who were selling cold drinks from an enormous cooler for 50 yen apiece. "Information on leisurely taking lectures! Everything is printed here!", yelled a gang of reporter-like guys, waving something resembling newspapers, with Mass Communications Research Society written on their sashes.

Even the other uniformed bodies gathered around, tennis, and then judo, which together with the American Football club were suddenly livened up by cheerleaders. Swordfighting and archery were there too. The people in tuxedos and dresses must have been the ballroom dancing club. A cheering party dressed in black school uniforms, they were difficult to approach.

There slightly hunched and short built, somewhat baby-faced, without any aspiration stood an idle Banri. For this, only the clubs with cultural aspects called out to him. "The trains will always be on time!" ...Railroad Research Club? "Why not go to the beach twice a year?!" ...Manga Culture Research Club? "Sunday morning is chaos!" ...Anime Research Club. And stranger, "Detective Novel Mystery Only Research Club", and "Maze Research Club", and even, this one catching his imagination a little, "Gigantic Structure Exploration Club". What could "On Mount Takao<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Takao Mount Takao]</ref>, even you can shake the mountain priest's hand" be?

He came back to himself to find that a mountain of leaflets had been pushed into his hands. Washed away by the raging wave of students from all grades jumbled together, Banri couldn't just stand still, and ended up at the center of the square. He intended to select which club they'd belong to with Yanagisawa, but in this madness, this uproar, he had no idea whether he could manage a clean escape.

"Aren't you a freshman!? We're the tea ceremony club, but young men are super-welcome too!"

"Ah, thanks..."

"Then for now, drink drink! Drink drink driiink! Drink driink! Drink drink driiink! Drink drink-ink-ink drink drink-ink-ink-ink drink drink driiink!"

"...Y, yes ma'am!"

Offered, rather insistently, a bowl of green tea, he tasted it while trying not to let the crowd rock his elbow. ''Gah'', he drank the bitter stuff and returned the bowl. ''The way to drink! Yes, good guy!'' Clapping, the tea club moved on to their next target, ''drink driink!'' To the attack.

The back of his hand might have turned green as he wiped his mouth. At that moment - - - A loud whistle burst his ears. He looked up in surprise. From the other side of the campus, a group, playing Latin music of intense, danceable rhythm, was separating the herd of people, cutting through the crowd. The samba whistle<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whistle#Music samba whistle]</ref> was maddening. They had messed up hair, their own or wigs, gaudy beads woven into cornrows and really long dreadlocks, men and women alike dressed in bright green tight fitting leotards. They all had musical instruments in their hands. Singing in loud voices, they were a parade.

Incredible--- his mouth was hanging open already.

His ears breaking and his body shaking from the sound of the whistle, Banri's eyes were wide open. College is really cool. He hadn't thought it was cool like this. From this point on, for sure, life was going to get really cool.

This fast, arousing rhythm toyed with his body and made him feel like loosing to his instincts. He was convinced. At this place, for sure, he could become a new person. The days he had vainly spent pursuing the vision of his lost self were completely over.

The confetti dancing. The countless leaflets fluttering in the wind. The row of drums. The men's throaty shouts. The women's voices with their high-pitched laughter. Glorious, dazzling, madness of spring. The parade's rhythm shook him furiously, throbbing violently. He closed his eyes, blackout, can't see anything anymore.

Tada Banri.

If you were to open your eyes, you might be able to see your own self reborn. The self waking up in a new room, meeting new friends, and falling asleep in that new room.

Before opening his eyes again, he tried to envisage something like making a wish. He would certainly see a wonderful new world with his new eyes. Fun, cheerful and satisfying, even if he had mistaken those for loneliness or solitude --- the whole of it glittering gold, like being dazzled all the time.

Let's go live like that every day. So many people to meet, so many people to love, so many people to live together with in this world. Banri celebrated the sprout of a new life, and wished this from the season called spring.

If he could live like that, then surely before long he would fall in love.

He wanted to love.

A single person, he wanted to admire someone so much, that nothing else could enter his heart. It may have been a worldly desire indeed, perhaps, but as Banri was an ordinary person, it couldn't be helped. He wanted to meet a single girl. He wanted to bet it all on love. He wouldn't mind if she wasn't such an exceptional partner in every way like ''Yana''-ssan's.

He wanted to throw himself into the currents of fate. Diving into the rushing stream of this new world, the person you should meet, the one you should discover, grab hold of it with your own hands, Tada Banri!

With his eyes still closed he let out a big strong sigh,

"3, 2, 1... Ready..."

''Go for it!,'' he thought, and opened his eyes.

Come on, the encounter of destiny!

Drumbeats all over the place.

"...Eh!? Whoa!?"

Shining before his eyes --- there was a crowd of dancers clad in brilliant emerald green. All the dancers were assembled in ranks surrounding Banri, and were stepping in place wonderfully. He had his eyes closed, ecstatically, lost in a daydream, and by the time he had noticed, the second half of the parade group, the dazzling samba squad had surrounded him. Or instead, because Banri was just standing there he got in the way of the all the dancers, and the parade couldn't flow past him.

"Excuse me, excuse me", apologizing while trying to get through them, the hands and feet moving to the rhythm blocked his escape. Bending back and forth desperately so as not to disturb their choreography, the dancer's steps stabbing between his feet, in order to avoid hitting anybody he had no choice but to match their steps. Bit by bit, kicking his feet, swinging his hips, then in desperation,

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyy!"

Stretching out both hands, index fingers pointing to the sky, he gave a mighty pose, shouting with all his heart.

At almost the same time, somebody spin behind him, his headdress scoring a direct hit on the back of Banri's head. Crack! An easy knockout, he was about to fall clumsily flat on his face --- or so he thought for a moment.

His arm was grabbed hard, he was pulled up.

As if dragged out together with his twisted legs, Banri was yanked out of the line of dancers.

Stumbling a few steps he fell over to the feet of other students,

"No 'Hey!' from you, amateur. What were you doing?"

"...Ah..."

He saw that person.

"Freshman?"

He nodded.

The spectacle was outright surreal.

The person who helped Banri --- was wearing a kimono<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kimono kimono]</ref>, white with flower patterns. A bright scarlet obi belt<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obi_(sash) obi belt]</ref>. And a hat shaped like a crescent moon<ref>[http://bartman905.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/amigasa hat shaped like a crescent moon]</ref>. With the hat was secured under her chin with a red cord, her face was almost half hidden. What he could see his eyes were drawn to: full lips, tinged a vivid deep red. Like a scene from a period drama, in the stance of a traveler collapsed and nearly dead on the street, Banri had been caught by a rescuing goddess looking as if she were from the Edo period<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edo_period Edo period]</ref>.

"Which department are you from?"

"L... law department. I'm Tada Banri."

"I'm Linda."

Linda.

His reality was shifting yet again. He'd thought he'd been rescued from samba by a person from the Edo Period, and that person turned out to be a foreigner---

"My name's Hayashida, that's why [[Golden Time:Volume1_Translator%27s_Notes#Hayashida|Linda]]. I'm a sophomore. See ya later."

---Ah, Japanese.

"Errr...!"

Once he was standing, he involuntarily called after Linda. When she turned, beneath her hat a white face could be seen for a fleeting moment. Contrary to his expectations after her blunt words, she seemed to be a nice person.

"...Um, your lipstick... It is incredibly pretty..."

He had said it before he realized. What an abnormal thing he had blurted out. He had said it unintentionally. It was what came to his mind, at the spur of the moment.

"Disgusting!", she will leave him with those words, but Linda gave him a brilliant smile from beneath her hat. And then, swinging her supple, slim waist to the intense rhythm, she left Banri and turned towards the richly colored ranks of the parade.

As her form was on the verge of disappearing into the crowd, she turned around at the last moment. He could see her kimono sleeve swing as she threw him a kiss.

It knocked Banri for a loop, and he involuntarily slapped one hand over his stricken heart.

Twice in one day already, he'd received a kiss from the opposite sex... One of them wasn't intended for him. But,

"...Wow...!"

Having forgotten his lonely future for the moment, the spring just starting looked to be exciting.

 

Notes:

<references />

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Back to [[Golden Time:Volume1 Prologue|Prologue]]
| Return to [[Golden Time#Volume 1: A Blackout in Spring|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Golden Time:Volume1 Chapter2|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}

Golden Time:Volume1 Chapter1

2013-09-09T15:09:57Z

MatrixM: /* Chapter 1 */

<noinclude>==Golden Time 1: Chapter 1==</noinclude>
==Chapter 1==

[[Image:Golden Time vol01 015.jpg|thumb]]
Tada Banri ran half crying.

The Tokyo streets at one o'clock in the morning, despite being "the Tokyo", were pitch dark with no signs of life, not even a lit light by a window. During the day today (or rather, yesterday already), in spite of it only being April, it had been so warm he had been wearing only a T-shirt and drinking iced coffee, muttering to himself "It must be global warming." He was now shivering from the cold and anxiety. The sleeves of his flannel hoodie pulled down to his fingertips, his too-unsteady footsteps making a flapping sound from the sandals on his bare feet, anyhow, if he could just get to the main street everything might be all right... Should be all right. He wanted it to happen. With all his heart he ran.

"A young man turning nineteen this year shouldn't be running through the streets at night teary eyed...", I thought, but I understood Banri's feelings.

If I were in the same situation, I might cry too.

He had come to the capital together with his mother who, for the sake of her son who was starting a life alone, had arranged for furniture, appliances, gas, water, electricity and so on. She'd gotten through various minor formalities here and there, and then this afternoon (already, so fast!) she'd returned home in a Hikari<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikari_(train) Hikari]</ref> bullet train.

And then, finally, he had truly started the first night of his life alone. Only, this night kept him from tomorrow morning's college entrance ceremony. Late at night, as the new day was just starting, unable to sleep with his worries, he did as he supposed any resident of Tokyo would do in order to distract himself: he went from one convenience store to another... but he lost his way in the streets. Worse, it appeared that somewhere, somehow, he had lost the key to his new home. In any case, it wasn't there in his pocket anymore.

Banri's feet suddenly stopped and walked all of three steps back the way he'd come. He saw a map of the residential area standing by the edge of the sidewalk. "Saved", he said to himself as he approached and searched for the apartment building where he now lived, "Motomachi", tracing a route with his finger from "You are here". Anyway, once he had returned to the front of the apartment building, he intended to walk all the way back to the convenience store, searching for his keys.

But... ahh, enough.

If this voice could reach Banri, I would tell him, "Look more carefully at the map. That 'Motomachi' is the 'Motomachi' in the next district!'" No, rather I would say, "You left them in the apartment in the first place, forgetting to lock up! They're in the room!" Unfortunately, I cannot do that.

For the time being, all I can do is pray for him so that if Banri could just get back to the apartment somehow and get to sleep quickly, then perhaps he would survive tomorrow's entrance ceremony without problems. Just how important can one day in your life be, this new college student entrance ceremony? Even I--- though having become a wandering soul, can understand.

I couldn't believe the possibility that the spirits of men, even when they have left their bodies, remain and stay in this world to watch over someone. This side of the world was hidden, so I had only recently found out.

I am, so to speak, a ghost.

My name was once Tada Banri.

Nobody hears this voice anymore, nobody notices my existence.

I just keep watching this new Tada Banri who continues to live, even though I, his spirit, have fallen out of him.

"Young man, at this hour what---, what happened---"

All of a sudden, the living Tada Banri turned his face forward and a light shone straight in his eyes, freezing him like a deer in a car's headlights.

"Ah, wha... I, I got lost..."

"Do you have a license, a passport, anything with you that can prove who you are?"

"Eh, ah, huh..."

He was being subjected to the first police interrogation of his life. This was going to be a long night. Was this situation a crisis? Was it a gift from god? You can never tell where Banri is concerned.

<center>* * *</center>

Anything and everything thrown together, his current state of affairs was one of "Great Trepidations", thought Banri as he looked around.

The weather, however, was truly excellent.

A snowstorm of cherry blossom petals from the clear blue sky danced around frantically, as they wanted to spend their lives as spectacularly as possible. The auditorium, located amongst a number of old gray office buildings, seemed to welcome the moment of drama.

The scene looked like something from a painting. Cherry blossoms against an April sky. Young people gathering for opening ceremonies. Men and women alike wearing brand new suits and leather shoes, bright smiles breaking out all over the place, anticipating college life. Banri felt like trying to cut off the dark, inconspicuous corner of that painting, where he stood.

A constant stream of friendly conversations passed before his eyes. The auditorium entrance was beneath the eaves of the building. For the moment, Banri and everybody else had the same brand new suits and the same brand new leather shoes, in their hands they had envelopes with the names of their colleges. With dark circles beneath his eyes from lack of sleep, he didn't look the typical freshman. His right sideburn curled out at a strange angle and some of the hairs near his ear stuck inside, rustling around, bothering him.

He couldn't get to sleep until three in the morning. He'd been a wreck since last night.

He got the idea, in the dead of the night, to go out and buy something, got lost in the streets of an unfamiliar neighborhood (a rather dumb thing to do), took time away from a policeman's duties, explained his situation and was escorted back to his apartment, with great difficulty he got to sleep, but due to his nerves, he woke up at six in the morning. But it was better than sleeping in late, he thought, as he slowly laid out his clothes while he thawed some rice his mother had put in the freezer, then ate breakfast. After that he took a shower, and dried off his hair while sitting on the bed. He shouldn't have done that. His body heated up by the shower, the still brand-new sheets comfortably cool, he had lain down without intending to. He didn't remember closing his eyes. "Eh... What'd I do now... What the heck...", he said when he realized it was already past nine o'clock. The opening ceremony was to start at ten in the morning.

Jerked awake like a puppet, he fell into a state of panic as he looked in the mirror, his newly washed hair now a mess from having slept on it, but he didn't have enough time to wash it again. He cheated with the dryer as much as he could, threw on a suit and flew out of the apartment. In that moment, he was even more on the verge of crying. He got on two trains later than he should have by the schedule, the right shoes on, but the wrong socks. Without even realizing it, he had put on his customary ankle-baring sneaker socks. Indeed, with his stiff new shoes, when he sat, he felt a weird chill around his ankles. He felt helpless.

He dashed from the station, somehow or another arriving at the college entrance ceremony on time. Taking his seat, he composed himself like a perfect freshman while the visitors were welcomed, though he found himself disassociated from the grand occasion. That wasn't from lack of sleep, nor from bedhead.

It was because, he realized, he was the only one entirely alone.

He wasn't even trying to be observant: the place was noisy the whole time from people talking. It was because everybody else had somebody to talk to. If they'd come up from an affiliated high school, they'd already formed groups of friends, guys and girls together, and if not, they were usually seated with their parents. Usually.

"Parents these days don't go to college entrance ceremonies!" "That may be so at Toudai<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_Tokyo Toudai]</ref>, but at this place that's overdoing it. Everybody's going to think I'm some sort of mama's boy!" "Absolutely ridiculous!" "Parents don't normally come to college entrance ceremonies!" After Banri's complaints, his mother had returned home the day before. "Well, I've brought this just in case...", she said, then put a companion ticket for the admission ceremony back into her wallet, like it was something precious. He hadn't been all that seriously wishing for her not to come. But then he whined absurdly like a little kid, "I don't want you to come", in what he thought was a normal parent-child relationship.

And now, having gotten here, already discouraged, but above all feeling guilty of being disloyal to his parents. It weighed heavily on him. He hadn't even waved. His mother's back had gone through the Yaesu<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaesu Yaesu]</ref> north entrance ticket gate, disappearing as he saw her off.

Without realizing it, he let his breath out pathetically, as he stood still in the entrance, seeing the hair color of people descending the steps, laughing together.

From where he stood, he could not see anybody else who was alone. He rubbed his eyes with his middle fingers. Maybe it was pollen, or perhaps lack of sleep, but his eyes were itching strangely. A guy who forgot his handkerchief certainly wouldn't have brought eyedrops with him either.

Things aren't looking good--- yeah, even from now on, it looks like things are going to keep on going badly.

"You gonna ride the train? Or walk?"

"Why bother going up to the station? It just makes me tired. I prefer to walk."

In front of the paralyzed Banri's eyes, two guys walked by in suits, loosening their neckties.

From the auditorium, he had to make it over to the freshman orientation by himself, one hour later over on his department's part of campus. Having said that, according to the guide map that had been passed out to them, it was only one station away by subway. Even though he had just arrived in the capitol, that didn't mean he'd just crept in from the wilderness, nor that he was all that nervous about what he had to do. What was confusing from Banri's point of view was that the crowd leaving the auditorium, for some reason, was dividing in two.

Perhaps, the people turning north were going to the station. Those going south were walking. With the weather so nice, he wanted to walk, but the walking route wasn't noted on the map. The memory of last night's disaster still fresh in his mind, he didn't want to get lost by himself again in the streets. "But from now on, I will have to find the way everywhere by myself..." "But still..." Banri stood there murmuring, still hesitating for a while, then he finally made up his mind and went down the steps to the street.

He decided to stick close to the pair, who preferred to walk. "From this point on we're a trio!", he whispered to the backs of the two in front of him. The two of them were dressed in slim dark grey suits, just like Banri.

Still lacking the courage to make conversation, Banri followed after them, matching their pace. Though things were a bit uncomfortable right now, eventually their classes and studies would draw them together as friends. He'd say things like "Honestly, at the opening ceremony I was hopelessly following you two", and then they would be able to laugh about it all. Banri's pursuit still unnoticed, the two walked on steadily. At length the entire crowd of freshmen had flowed out of the auditorium, into the streets, where, like a river coming together, they mixed into the crowds of the weekday town passing by. If you didn't look too close, you could wind up confusing the freshmen and the businessmen. When,

"Ah, it's rather hot today, isn't it? Let's go get some ice cream."

"Really?"

The right-hand guy spoke on a whim. Staring at the back of the guy's head, Banri's eyebrows rose without thinking.

"Really. Why don't we stop by the next convenience store? I'll eat ice cream."

Do you really want to eat some ice cream right now? The opening ceremony has just ended, and you want ice cream from a convenience store in the middle of the way to the orientation, when the time is limited? He gazed the back of the left guy's head. "Forget it." You on the left, say it! Just what he was going to do while those guys ate ice cream, he had no idea.

"In that case I'll have some too. There ought to be a 7-11 around here somewhere."

"Yeah, there was a 7-11. But where was it, I wonder?"

They didn't hear Banri's silent message. Leaving the slow stream of passersby, the two turned down a narrow side street. This was the time when he should have bidden farewell to them, sticking to the other freshmen. Banri should have done that, but he suffered a lapse in judgment. Going along straight ahead, it wasn't easy to distinguish freshmen from businessmen right away, so without thinking he had gone along with the two down the side street. "Ah ah ah." Ignoring Banri, whose conscience tried quietly to hurry him, those two were saying things like, "Hmm, 7-11, 7-11. Over there? Over here?" Those two stayed cool and collected as they went along unfamiliar streets. Perhaps they wanted to get rid of him... among such doubts, he turned left and right, straying from the right way,

"Ah, it wasn't a 7-11 after all."

They were in front of a Family Mart<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FamilyMart Family Mart]</ref>.

The two of them entered the store without hesitation, not noticing Banri's presence yet, who stood there blinking his eyes rapidly from anxiety. Not knowing what else to do, he followed suit, leaving a little distance between them. He turned his back to them, pretending to stare at the magazines, while the two were fishing in the ice-cream case. After some ten seconds, he made up his mind, "I'll have to eat too." In order to look normal, he figured he ought to just do the same things those guys were doing. After looking sidelong to make sure the two guys had gone to the cash register ice-cream in their hands, putting on his most innocent expression, he peered into the ice-cream case too. Not to waste any time in choosing, he grabbed the first one at hand, "Ah... I'd like some ice cream after all..." making such a face while the two paid their bill, he queued behind them at the register. However,

"But of course, from here we've got orientation, and ice cream could be a real mess. We don't really have much time left, maybe we should change our mind."

"Well, that may be so. Shall we just go? Excuse me sir, the register is yours, we're leaving."

"Ehh!?"

The two very politely gave their turn in line to Banri and went to put the ice-creams back in their case. The part-time store-clerk wasn't even bothered. "Next please", he said, waving Banri forward. Not having any idea what else to do, he reluctantly handed over the ice-cream, got out his wallet, and lacking small change, finally got out a 10,000 yen bill. "First the larger change", five-thousand, six-thousand, seven-thousand. "Then the small", jingle jingle jingle. Getting back his change took long, and during that time, the two left the store.

---What the heck? What am I supposed to do?

Shocked stiff, saying "no thanks" for a bag, he took the ice-cream as it was, and while putting away his wallet, Banri left the store in a daze. "Which way did those two turn?", he couldn't spot the forms of the two guys. "Calm down for now, I'm not lost yet", he kept reminding himself. "We came from this way, and then perhaps, along that way. I know that much, no problem."

When he looked at it, he realized what he bought was a Gari-Gari-Kun"<ref>[http://chibadailyphoto.blogspot.com/2008/07/garigari-kun.html Gari-Gari-Kun]</ref>". Whatever, let's eat. I should only worry after that. Banri shook his head to clear his panicky mind, then unwrapped his ice-cream. The soda-colored bar was tough from being too frozen, so after biting into it, "I have to put off eating this", he realized.

He took a looong breath.

"...What's this? ...What am I doing..."

What an idiot.

By the time he had realized it, the likely-to-be-important orientation was within thirty minutes or so. With no idea where he was, he was eating his ice-cream alone in front of the convenience store. The form of an idiot, who fell into this too unreasonable situation was reflected in the mirror mounted on the ID-picture machine across the street from the store.

He wore a dark grey suit, with a large light-green envelope. He held a light blue popsicle in hand. The hair drooping over his ruddy cheeks, was lighter than expected. Nonetheless, biting into the ice-cream, the features themselves looked much more composed than how he had previously perceived them. Even at a time like this, "Wow. If I look at myself objectively, I'm quite..." Banri thought, putting his hand on his chin, but

"...Whaa?"

He noticed that the image in the mirror wasn't moving together with him. Like a fool exposed, he turned around.

What was reflected in the photo-ID machine's mirror wasn't himself.

Dressed in a similarly colored suit, holding the same envelope at his side and eating the same ice cream was another person. Their eyes met, then looked away momentarily. Even so, Banri raised his eyes again and looked at the guy doing exactly the same as himself. There was no other possibility, the guy was a freshman at the same college. Ignoring him would be unnatural. Ehh, aren't we doing the same thing? Ah, what, maybe we are from the same university? By saying this, he wanted to keep things lighthearted,

"...Huh? Ah? Oo're ya?"

His mouth wasn't working too well, chilled by the ice-cream, and only an ambiguous moan was getting out.

Nonetheless, with body language, pointing at himself and then the other guy, he managed to get the point across,

"Ho...gu..."

The guy, too, while desperately trying to swallow a big mouthful of ice-cream, was looking back at Banri's face. Holding his fingertip to his mouth and chewing,

"...Well..., actually, I... the way to the college, I don't know it very well..."

His voice was lower than expected from his looks.

Without thinking, Banri gave a good long look at the other's face. Though it was just a for moment, mistaking the guy for himself was completely inexcusable, as the guy had much more composed features. He was also a bit taller than Banri, his hair better kept, his suit fit his strong shoulders well.

"I figured I would follow after somebody, so that's why I wound up walking right behind you. ...And when you went in there, I thought, 'What am I going to do now? ...Well, why not?... Why not just stick together?'"

"And from there..." the guy waved his ice-cream bar, showing it off.

Without thinking, Banri laughed. "What!?", he said, his voice now coming out naturally and brightly.

"Then really, we were doing exactly the same thing, both of us. I don't know the way either, and I followed after other guys from the auditorium `til I got here! But having been left behind, 'What am I going to do?', I was thinking."

"...Huh? Really?"

"Really. I don't know the way at all."

Still holding their ice-cream, not knowing what to do with it, they looked at each other for several seconds. In the end, they wound up laughing once more. Weren't they just the pair of oddballs? They felt like a heavy lid that was stuffed into their stomach, was swept away by laughing.

"Somehow, an unexpected meeting of similar people. I'm Tada Banri. 'Tada' means 'many fields', and though my name is made up from 'Man' and 'ri', it isn't 'Manri', but rather 'Banri'. I'm studying law. You can call me Banri."

"Oh good, I'll be studying law too. I'm [[Golden Time:Volume1_Translator%27s_Notes#Yanagisawa Mitsuo|Yanagisawa Mitsuo]]. It means that 'the willows are thick by the side of the swamp', and 'light in the center'. You don't have to be formal with me, 'Yana' will do. Did you come here straight from high school?"

"I'm one year late in starting. How about you, ''Yana''-ssan?"

"''Yana''-ssan? Wait- a year older!? ...Really? You don't look like it--- Well, it's fine. I'm straight from high school... but, though, ah, is it OK if I speak casually like this?"

"Of course. I mean, you don't even have to ask."

"I'm from Shizuoka<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shizuoka_Prefecture Shizuoka]</ref>. Since last night I live by myself. Where ya from?"

"I live close to here, but alone too."

"Yeah, freedom! We're alike! Let's be friends!"

As if raising a toast, Banri raised his half-eaten Gari-Gari-Kun to the level of his eyes. Yanagisawa raised his too the same way, and then they both finished off their treats in one breath. Throwing away the sticks, off they went, and finally before long they were able to return to the main street.

By themselves, after all, it had seemed an arduous journey, but together they weren't all that concerned. Compared to the streets of the residential area with no living soul around late at night, this time they could just ask somebody. When he was by himself, he couldn't even imagine doing that.

Chuckling to himself, he gave a sidelong glance at the already overly familiar Yanagisawa.

"Because unfortunately there wasn't anybody to talk with until now, I'd really been rather worried. I saw that other people were already among friends, and my loneliness was just getting worse."

"Ah, I was thinking that too. Especially for me, feelings of being cast out are something I didn't have for a long time now: since elementary school I've being going to an affiliated school."

"You've been going to an affiliated school since elementary?"

Nodding, Yanagisawa rapidly muttered the name of his place. Even though Banri was not from Tokyo, he still recognized the name of the prestigious private school. Over the next four years, the two of them would be attending this private university, but that other school was higher in rank in every possible way.

"Wha? Really? How come you didn't just advance to the university!? If you just stay on the escalator<ref>refers to the "escalator"/"elevator" system, in which graduates from a high school attached to a university can enter it without admission exam</ref> it always works out... What am I saying? Did I just..."

Banri reflexively shut up, stopping himself from running off at the mouth. This is wrong. What a fool he was. He was being insensitive. Maybe it wasn't he ''didn't'', but that ''couldn't'' advance. Suddenly being raised from the depths of solitude, his excitement was slipping out of his control.

"Ex, excuse me...! What I said was wrong... I'm really sorry, we had such a great start on this day... Ah, the mood is becoming awfully strange..."

All these apologies were depressing. Looking at Banri's face, who held his mouth shut this time, his eyes wandering aimlessly,

"By no means, I don't mind at all. Well, if I tell it, it's going to be a long story."

Yanagisawa waved one of his hands in front of his fine shaped chin. His gesture of "Let's talk this over slowly some other time", reached Banri as well. "Slowly, some other time." I'll tell you when we have more time. By all means, come over for a visit, OK? You can even have Bubuzuke<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chazuke Bubuzuke]</ref>. ---Ah!

Slooowly he took one step away from Yanagisawa. "Eh, what?", Yanagisawa looked at Banri's strangely fixed smile, who looked like a fool.

Banri was thinking he'd gone and done it. Last night, before getting lost in the neighborhood, he'd been looking on the net. Amongst tips for college students posted on a site, there was a human-relations item: 'Pay special attention to avoid overly familiarity on first meeting! There are possible landmines!' ...What should he do in a situation where he was the one requiring special attention? Unable to help himself, he slapped himself once on the head like a comic story teller.

"I'm such an idiot, an idiot landmine... to have caused ''Yana''-ssan such unpleasant feelings, after he's taken so much trouble to become my friend..."

"Huh? What's up? Are you perhaps troubled about what just happened? It's not that big a deal. It's not a long dragged out story, ...well, it seems you are worried for some unknown reason, so I will explain it in short. I had caused some problems concerning the opposite sex at the affiliated school. I was fed up, and needed my space. I wanted a new life as a college student, so I took the outside exam on my own will."

"It's not such a big deal, really", expressed Yanagisawa as he scratched his prominent eyebrows. Upon considering it,

"...Hyuuu...!"

Banri couldn't whistle, so he said this instead.

Carefully coming halfway back to where he was before, folding his arms across his chest, waving his finger while his shoulders shook, he intended to express "You're great!" the best way he could, within the limits of what was acceptable.

"Huh... The opposite sex?"

...If he kept his excitement at this level, then there shouldn't be any problems. But, in truth Banri wanted to be even more fired up. ''The opposite sex!? How cool! Arguing with the girls is super cool! A love triangle!? An affair!? Forbidden love!? Let me hear about it! I mean, share your luck! Make some girl trouble! [[Golden Time:Volume1_Translator%27s_Notes#Don Doko Don|Get that power-up! Super jump!]]'' ...Around his heart a tension was mounting,

"Sooo, if someone's as cool as ''Yana''-ssan, such things happen to them!? So did you have an argument with your girlfriend? Eh, eh, am I getting annoying!?"

He stopped right there.

"...No, you're not."

"Don't go making up stuff!"

With a fast half-step, he had drawn right next to Yanagisawa.

"...No, but, its no case talking about it. And by the way... she's not my girlfriend."

"Not your.. girlfriend!? What did you just say!?"

Isn't? And, while allowing Banri to get closer, the strangely serious Yanagisawa nodded. Then,

"It was not a good thing, absolutely not. It was... right. So to speak,"

Stopped by a red light at a crosswalk, he looked a little into the distance and then turned back to Banri.

"...a disaster..., it seemed like."

"Even so what does that," he tried to find out more, and as luck would have it, at that moment the light changed to green.

On this side of the crosswalk, a taxi was parked. Banri, with Yanagisawa alongside, had just started crossing in front of it at the light. ''Wham!'' The taxi's door flew open. To the asphalt descended the spike of a high-heel shoe, the hard sound echoing like a hammer.

They looked over there by reflex.

Banri gasped. In an instant, all his thoughts were swept away.

The storm of cherry blossoms had been something to see, but this, this was overwhelming.

Almost like rushing forth, out of the taxi came a huge bouquet of scarlet roses. Shining in violent contrast to the deep blue sky, deep deep deep red.

Banri's gaze was torn towards it, as it was raised overhead diagonally by that person.

"...Whop!?"

With all her strength, she struck the side of his face. "It hurts!", he shouted out, "No! It's cold!", he shouted out again, but in the end he hadn't any voice.

A cold spray of water droplets splashed over everything nearby. Completely astonished, Banri fell to the ground. The rear of his brand new suit-pants hit the ground, and he watched as more glittering drops of sprayed water came flying. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It was Yanagisawa, who was being attacked. Yanagisawa got slapped across the face from above and the sides, three times, four times, by a bouquet of fresh, deep red roses. Each time, a few of the lively flower petals fluttered away, falling like drops of blood.

And then, the finishing blow! From directly overhead the bouquet came down, thrown down on the collapsed Yanagisawa's chest.

Banri was speechless.

Yanagisawa was too.

The rose petals fluttered about vividly, overloading their senses with the intensely sweet smell of nectar. In the middle of this deep red air raid,

"...I've removed the thorns."

Showing a wide, "perfect" smile, even the breathing was calm of that woman.

Who she was, what she was, such questions were fading away like the fog in the morning. There she was, a luminous snow white form, sparkling as if gently sprinkled with drops of water --- the deep red flower petals as it were an aura about her, the queen of roses completely.

"Congratulations on your admission! That's all I wanted to say."

"This can't be", Yanagisawa groaned in a low voice, holding the roses in his arms. Like he didn't want to accept reality, he was shaking his head left and right. Banri, still the dumbfounded outsider, simply lifted his eyes to her smile.

Her skin was perfect, shining like the finest silk. Her hair was perfect, deep brown, curled without a strand out of place. Her figure was perfect, her head slightly tilted to the side. Wearing a snow-white one-piece lace dress, her neck and ears highlighted by pearls, with fine high-heeled shoes and a deep purple handbag at her wrist, in every way the woman was perfect. That such a person could even live and breathe was a complete mystery, she was so unrealistically perfect. Even her voice was as clear as tinkling bells.

"So silly of you, Mitsuo."

Suddenly intense, she looked down fixedly at Yanagisawa from under her long, thick eyelashes. Her lips shining the same deep and glossy red as the roses, just like flower petals, she continued smiling perfectly.

"Did you think you could fool me completely, sneaking off to college? Did you seriously think you could escape? There's just no way. You can't fool me with tricks like that. For Mitsuo to run away from my perfect, our perfect future, such a thing cannot be."

Mitsuo - - - She is calling my ''Yana''-ssan, no, not that he is mine in any way, Yanagisawa by his name.

Still dumbfounded and planted on the ground, their earlier conversation came to Banri's mind. This could be the trouble-making girl who is not his girlfriend, perhaps, after all.

"Mitsuo has been mine for-eeever."

"Wr...wroooongg!"

"You're mine. Don't put up useless resistance ever again. So, see you later!"

She half ran back over to the taxi, which was still parked there. Just before getting in, she noticed a flower petal stuck to her hair. She picked it gently with her fingertip and put it in the palm of her hand, then blew it this way --- I mean towards Yanagisawa, like a kiss. The petal fluttered through the air, clinging once to the tip of Banri's nose, but soon the wind carried it away.

Leaving the two of them and the roses behind on the road, the taxi took off.

"Wha,"

He looked over at Yanagisawa.

"Whaaaaaaa!"

Still holding the bouquet of roses, hair disheveled, Yanagisawa let out a long shout. Banri managed to stand up first, and extended his hand towards him,

"''Yana''-ssan, get ahold of yourself! Who was that!? I mean, what just happened!?"

Many people were looking towards them, Banri realized. For the most part, everybody was looking at Yanagisawa. He was still sitting on the ground, holding an enormous bouquet of roses, looking a bit out of place in the ordinary streetscape for sure. He was just like a time traveler out of some trendy soap opera from the bubble era<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_asset_price_bubble bubble era]</ref>. Passing along the street, groups of seemingly new students and businessmen were looking this way. Stares expressing surprise mixed with faint smiles. Some of them were pointing fingers, laughing.

Hey, look. Wow, incredible. What's up with that rose man? With that envelope and all, he's one of the freshmen from our school for sure. So mysterious! What is he doing? Isn't that rather awkward? There was muttering and whispering all around.

A bit disoriented, Yanagisawa stood up. Right then, as if in one last attack, the piled up flower petals came fluttering down from his head. Seeing them fall at his feet, looking at the bouquet of roses held to his chest,

"O..over... my student life... in one day, it's over...! Hahaha... ahahaha!"

Yanagisawa gave a distracted look and thrust one hand into his pocket. And then 'Whee!', pulling out a handful of petals that stuck there, he tossed them overhead. 'This can't go on', thought Banri, his shoulders twitching. As far as problems with the head were concerned, he had quite enough of his own.

"Hold on, ''Yana''-ssan, you've really got to get ahold of yourself! Moreover, look... we have to reach the orientation in time!"

"Am I going to carry these gorgeous roses with me to the orientation!? I'd just be embarrassed, standing out like a sore thumb, and then, for four years of student life, what'll I do!? What do they mean by 'Rose Man' anyway! Like some kind of '[[Golden Time:Volume1_Translator%27s_Notes#Ham Man|Ham Man]]'...!"

"Well well, ah, please take this: Congratulations on your admission to the college."

Some freshman girls were staring at them as they passed by, and their eyes met. On the spur of the moment, Banri pulled a few roses out of the bouquet and extended them out to the girls. Whereupon, while saying things like "Eh, is that for me?", they quite happily reached out their hands for them. Seeing this some other girls said, "Those guys are giving away roses?" "You're kidding! I want one!" And they came on over.

This might actually work, he thought.

"That's right! I'm giving out roses! Congratulations on your admission to the college! I'm the Rose Man, please have a rose!"

"...What are you doing Banri?"

"''Yana''-ssan, you should give some away too. Ah, here you go."

Pulling them out one by one, they handed out more and more roses to people.

"If all other freshmen go to the orientation, holding roses, the only memory that will be left won't be 'On the day of the entrance ceremony, there was this strange guy holding roses', but rather it will have become 'On the day of the entrance ceremony, the freshmen received roses', am I wrong? For that reason, ''Yana''-ssan too, come on, we're giving out a million roses to you and you and you and you! Yes yes, here you go, there's still more! Congratulations on your admission!"

Even the [[Toradora%21:Spin-Off_2_Translator%27s_Notes#Aunt Squad|Aunt Squad]], who were not looking like freshmen, cried "They're so pretty!", and "They're free!", and rushed over excitedly. "Could we please!?", their smiles directed at them.

"...Here you go!"

Even Yanagisawa smiled desperately, showing his teeth in a big grin while giving out roses to hand after hand.

"You are right! If I had stumbled right out of the gate, that Kouko would have had her way for sure. Even if she found out, we will be apart. We'll live in our own worlds. To that end, I went back and forth to cram school so I could get accepted here. In such a place, I wouldn't stumble! I won't become what Kouko wants me to be! My life as a student isn't over yet! Have a rose!"

They had about fifteen minutes left before the orientation start time.

<center>* * *</center>

Kaga Kouko.

That was her name it seems.

She had met Yanagisawa Mitsuo during her first year of elementary school. In those days, Kouko was a delicate, bullied little girl, whom he had protected. Because of this, she had latched onto him with all her might, saying that Yanagisawa was the 'prince of her dreams'.

"From that moment onwards, Kouko's dream has always been just one thing. 'Get married to Mitsuo!' ...scary, really."

"Scary? Why? Isn't that awfully romantic talk? A childhood promise… bound by fate to your childhood friend... sort of. That's good, totally. I mean, she is a really pretty girl, overflowing with charm, like an actress."

"You don't understand. You really don't know what it's like!"

His voice had risen only a little, but the girl seated in front of them looked back at Yanagisawa briefly. Lowering their voices, the two murmured "Sorry", and bowed their heads a little. They had been whispering too loudly.

The new law student orientation was taking place in a rather college-like way, in a wide classroom with seats arranged in tiers like a stairs. On the platform, a member of the Student Affairs department read into a microphone, "You have a duty to comport..." "Every effort to prevent accidents..." and so on, as he read out a number of important points regarding smoking, drinking and such.

A sweet smell floated across the wide space, coming from the deep red roses in the hands of a certain percentage of the students.

"...Didn't you get it from that moment earlier? Just because I don't move on to the same college as her, she ambushes me at the opening ceremony, beats me in the face with a monstrous bouquet of roses, and after she's done harassing me, she gives me a big bright smile and leaves, ''that'' kind of woman."

"She's a mess, she really is," he repeated in a soft voice like a groan.

"As far as Kouko is concerned, she has her life scenario fitting her so called 'perfect self'. She only sticks to me as part of that scenario of her perfect life. Whenever I tried to do something,"

Yanagisawa turned his face towards Banri. He separated his forelocks to the sides, disagreeably narrowed his eyes, almost cross-eyed, pushed out his chin, and with a strange tone of voice,

" 'Mitsuo! That's not right!' 'Mitsuo! That wasn't what I'd planned!' 'Mitsuo! Do what you're told!' 'Mitsuo! ''Faufaufaufa!'' ' 'Mitsuo! ''Fafafafafaa!'' ' ...That's what it was like. Not a way to live."

It was funny, but not at all like her.

"Her face wasn't like that. Rather something like this,"

Banri drew his chin back, batted his eyelashes up and down while looking upward, working his shoulder slowly back and forth, and combed up his bangs... gently,

" 'I've... removed the thorns... n...' wiggle~... wasn't it like this?"

Yanagisawa gave him a cold look and shook his head.

"What was that? No, she isn't like that at all. Of course, what can you know from just one meeting? She is like, ' ''Fuaaa!'' Mitsuoo! ''Nfuaaa!'' ' 'It's ''Fuafua''! Do ''Fuafua''! Don't ''Fafa''! ''Faa!'' Mitsuooo! ''Faaaa!'' '"

"Eh, isn't that just some lunatic? What I saw was 'Oh how silly... Mitsuo... h'."

"No no, she isn't like that at all! She is more like this! ' ''Faffaa! Faaaaan!'' Mitsuoo! ''Faan!'' ', but also,"

Yanagisawa probably wanted to demonstrate his expressiveness even more, the veins on his forehead showing, he lifted himself a little in his seat, twisting himself around, when finally,

"You there! Stop all that whispering!"

"..."

From the speaking platform a finger was pointing at him in warning. Yanagisawa flinched, awkwardly stiffened, and quietly sat back down on the more than uncomfortable, wooden bench-like seat. His cheeks flushed, he bowed his head while mouthing "Excuse me..." and like that he huddled himself up. Even Banri hurt from the piercing looks coming from around the classroom. This situation seemed even more embarrassing than the attack with the roses.

He snuck a sidelong glance at Yanagisawa's blushing face, who also looked back at Banri, "Don't say a thing", Yanagisawa expressed by simply holding his finger up before his mouth. And then rather than to cause trouble with more whispering, he scribbled something in pencil in the margin of one of their handouts.

'Anyhow, I'll be away from Kouko four years for sure!'

'I won't give up just because of that much humiliation! I'll enjoy my life as a student!'

'Hurray for a new life!!!'

'Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!!!'

And from the side you could see him grinning. His straight white teeth formed a perfect arc. ''Yana''-ssan must come from a good family and place, Banri thought. Then, taking his pencil, rather than writing an answer, with a big grin, he drew a cat that was shouting "YES!!!".

Moving on to an explanation of the required classes and lectures for graduation, the special courses needed by those who wanted to move on to law school, the special courses needed for the civil service examinations, all of the different kinds of special qualification tests and so forth, they heard all sorts of important explanations, and the day's orientation ended at about noon. When he heard "The ban on recruiting for clubs will be lifted starting this afternoon," Banri looked over at Yanagisawa and their eyes met.

To really enjoy student life, you've got to have clubs. At least, Banri thought so. Selecting a club is, absolutely, the most important requirement, he thought. It happened when accompanied by Yanagisawa, he was just about to get up from his seat.

"Mitsuo! ''Faafafafa! Faufaufaa!''"

"...Eh!?"

Suddenly a voice came from behind them. Banri and Yanagisawa looked back in unison. Banri saw white fingers placed firmly to Yanagisawa's forehead. ...Creak..., only Yanagisawa's head was made to turn around, like it was about to be twisted off from his body.

"''Faufaufaufaufaaaaaa!'' ...am I like this I wonder?"

Yanagisawa's face went white, as if the blood were draining from his head. Reaching over the desk from the seat right behind and a bit above them, both hands holding his head, there floated the perfect smile of Kaga Kouko. Amongst the sober shades of blue and grey, shining alone white in a lace two-piece dress, there she was.

The whole time - - - she had been just behind them. Probably.

"W-W-W-W..." Yanagisawa's lips trembled.

"Why... why are you... what are you doing here!?"

"For the orientation, of course. It's only natural to be here."

Watching as Yanagisawa's face, trembling all the way to his nose, went pale directly in front of her, Kouko smiled, her rosy lips parting slowly. Of course, beautiful white teeth shone between those lips.

"I told you before, didn't I? I said, 'See you later'. Didn't you hear me? Or perhaps... ''Fafafafafaa!''"

With a gesture like a caress, Kouko's beautiful finger slowly brushed Yanagisawa's hair.

"...was what you heard...?"

Her hands were fiercely swept away, and maybe out of frustration,

"What was that for?"

Kouko, still smiling but with a cold voice sharp as a knife, folded her arms. Striking a pose with her chin lifted a bit, she looked down at Yanagisawa. Her large eyes shone like black jewels, mirroring the shadow of her long eyelashes. In all this, she seemed not to have noticed Banri at all.

"Don't you ask that! What in the world are you doing!? Why are you here in this orientation!?"

"I yielded to your desire and matched mine to it! I enrolled here too."

"''Fa''..."

"Now that's a happy face. For another four years, we'll be able to study together."

Yanagisawa held his breath, ran his hand through his hair three times, and because his hair was now all messed up, when he looked up at Kouko he looked like the angry ghost of a defeated soldier.

"...Y, your plans, what about them...!? In your plans for the future, didn't you want to move ahead in studying French Literature, spending three years studying abroad in France!? Hadn't you decided to build yourself a career in the fashion business!?"

Letting out a small sigh, Kouko slid her fingers down her glossy hair which reached below to where her chest swelled out.

"A small change was definitely required, but it wasn't difficult. Student life without you by my side would be meaningless. I had been thinking that you and I would go to college together, taking classes in business so we could take over my father's business. But I don't mind. It's the same for me whether my husband owns his own business or works as a corporation lawyer. Mitsuo, you betrayed me, planning to secretly take an outside examination. When I found out I was surprised, of course... but, rather than making a fuss to forcefully stop you, I thought it better to follow you. So I took almost all the entrance exams you took as well."

"...How, could the school of my choice, have gotten out... I asked my homeroom teacher to keep it secret, and yet... I didn't tell my friends, not anybody that I was taking the test..."

"This year they finished the medical faculty building. Did you know? It's called the Kaga Memorial Building."

"It was no problem hearing as much as the school you had chosen." said Kouko, once more showing a calm expression, lips relaxing to a broad smile. Horizontally across her bangs, a blue silk hairband with red-orange patterns framed her round white forehead. From her silhouette, following along to her small chin, and continuing past to the line of her long slender neck, she could hardly be more different from the other co-eds passing behind her. She was too sophisticated.

She had distinct features, that couldn't be described in any other way but being beautifully shaped.

"Aren't you happy too, Mitsuo? That I give you all my heart."

--- More than anything else, her expression of beaming self-confidence made her prettier than any other girl, Banri realized. Yet, she hadn't even noticed Banri's existence.

Yanagisawa, making a face like he'd eaten something bitter, stared back at Kouko, dumbfounded.

"Right? You're happy, right? Answer me, Mitsuo."

"...''Un''happy..."

"Really happy, right?"

"...Forever ''un''happy..."

"The truth. You're happy, right?"

"Unhappy, I said! You're a nuisance! Despite my taking the outside exam so I could get away from you, you've gone and messed it all up! That's not something to be happy about!"

Suddenly, Kouko seemed to notice Banri's presence. She suddenly smiled pleasantly at Banri, who had been standing still next to Yanagisawa.

"Don't mind him. He's feeling out of sorts. Mitsuo is, so to speak, famous for being ''that''."

Tsu, n, de, re.

Heh.

She tapped softly near her mouth with a beige-painted fingernail, and gave a small shrug of her shoulders. Like an actress on stage, she gave an exaggerated wink. Banri had no idea how he was supposed to react,

"Well, hmm, ...My name is Tada. What to say... well, nice to meet you... heh!"

Bending loosely, he pitched forward. Pushing Banri aside, Yanagisawa chose the primitive means of escape, by attempting to run off. "Oh! Mitsuo got away!", with that Kouko ran after him, highheels ringing boldly, running up the stairs. Kouko's beautiful form stood out, capturing the eyes of many freshmen, who then turned to each other to say something. There were quite a few of those, who knew that the gorgeous roses in their hands were originally her gift. Er, there must be guys around who saw the attack at the crosswalk.

"...I mean..."

Then he realized, after all, that he was alone again.

Left behind in the lecture hall, Banri looked around. Yanagisawa and Kouko's argument had drawn looks, and some glances were still turned towards Banri too. Ill at easy, he hurriedly threw the writing instruments left scattered on the chairs, into their envelopes.

"''Yana''-ssan has left everything behind..."

Gathering under his arm printed handouts of important stuff, syllabi, and various things belonging to Yanagisawa who had forgotten about them, Banri left the lecture hall in long strides up the stairs. They have exchanged their cell-phone numbers and e-mail addresses anyway, so returning them tomorrow won't be a problem.

Leaving through one of the many doors out to the corridor, he joined the swarm of the other freshmen. Plans for going out, first time introductions, the voices and laughter here and there echoed like a small explosion. The school building was old. The light coming from the flourescent fixtures was going yellow, there were braces here and there to stiffen the walls against earthquakes, and for some reason the windows had iron grillwork fitted to them. It was said that at one time this college had been the site of a violent student demonstration, and those things must have been the remains of that time.

Carrying at his side two people's worth of envelopes, Banri slowly descended the steps. In the designated smoking corner of the lobby, some freshmen (it was doubtful whether they turned twenty or not), suits still on, were already hanging out. Glancing sideways, viewing the destination of the smoke they blew, following the guy in front of him, Banri also left the building.

That very moment.

"Freshman, congratulaaaatioooooons!"

"...Wha...!?"

With a great commotion, before his eyes fluttered a storm of confetti. There was a big crowd of students, many more than just the freshmen.

What started to surround Banri and the other freshmen blinking from this unexpected twist, were all the huge members of the American football club, yelling, and standing in the first row of students. Their big bodies crammed into their uniforms, chanting their team's name in a peculiar way, they grabbed the guys that caught their eye and easily lifted them over their heads.

"You there, freshman, con-grat-u-lations! Up you go!"

"Not me, not me, no way! Excuse meee!"

His eyes having met one of the guys with a helmet, Banri bowed his head to the summons and ran down the entrance steps in a hurry. In front of his eyes, above his head,

"Are you not interested in comic storytelling? We are holding live events for students!"

"Waa, waa, waa ♪ Come and do Glee Club ♪"

"You there, you look like someone who would love camping! The camping research club is over here!"

"The Freshman Comedy Club welcome reception will start at two o'clock! It's free of course, and there'll be drinks!"

Between leaflets being shoved at him, hands inviting him over, and then tons of bursting smiles, Banri's path was blocked over and over again. On the verge of being crushed in the crowded mayhem, all of the freshmen, swinging their idiotic faces like the heads of pigeons feeding, were being coaxed to line up before the desks of the club booths. You couldn't say that the midtown campus was very wide, but every club appearing there now had started their club recruiting meeting, with costumes, music and everything imaginable.

There was a group in varsity jackets with the college name on them, who for some reason were wearing swimsuits and shouldering oxygen tanks. There were masked pro wrestlers in tights building a small temporary ring, miniskirted lacrosse girls with polo shirts, each of them so pretty like a model, and some otherwise unidentifiable guys, who were selling cold drinks from an enormous cooler for 50 yen apiece. "Information on leisurely taking lectures! Everything is printed here!", yelled a gang of reporter-like guys, waving something resembling newspapers, with Mass Communications Research Society written on their sashes.

Even the other uniformed bodies gathered around, tennis, and then judo, which together with the American Football club were suddenly livened up by cheerleaders. Swordfighting and archery were there too. The people in tuxedos and dresses must have been the ballroom dancing club. A cheering party dressed in black school uniforms, they were difficult to approach.

There slightly hunched and short built, somewhat baby-faced, without any aspiration stood an idle Banri. For this, only the clubs with cultural aspects called out to him. "The trains will always be on time!" ...Railroad Research Club? "Why not go to the beach twice a year?!" ...Manga Culture Research Club? "Sunday morning is chaos!" ...Anime Research Club. And stranger, "Detective Novel Mystery Only Research Club", and "Maze Research Club", and even, this one catching his imagination a little, "Gigantic Structure Exploration Club". What could "On Mount Takao<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Takao Mount Takao]</ref>, even you can shake the mountain priest's hand" be?

He came back to himself to find that a mountain of leaflets had been pushed into his hands. Washed away by the raging wave of students from all grades jumbled together, Banri couldn't just stand still, and ended up at the center of the square. He intended to select which club they'd belong to with Yanagisawa, but in this madness, this uproar, he had no idea whether he could manage a clean escape.

"Aren't you a freshman!? We're the tea ceremony club, but young men are super-welcome too!"

"Ah, thanks..."

"Then for now, drink drink! Drink drink driiink! Drink driink! Drink drink driiink! Drink drink-ink-ink drink drink-ink-ink-ink drink drink driiink!"

"...Y, yes ma'am!"

Offered, rather insistently, a bowl of green tea, he tasted it while trying not to let the crowd rock his elbow. ''Gah'', he drank the bitter stuff and returned the bowl. ''The way to drink! Yes, good guy!'' Clapping, the tea club moved on to their next target, ''drink driink!'' To the attack.

The back of his hand might have turned green as he wiped his mouth. At that moment - - - A loud whistle burst his ears. He looked up in surprise. From the other side of the campus, a group, playing Latin music of intense, danceable rhythm, was separating the herd of people, cutting through the crowd. The samba whistle<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whistle#Music samba whistle]</ref> was maddening. They had messed up hair, their own or wigs, gaudy beads woven into cornrows and really long dreadlocks, men and women alike dressed in bright green tight fitting leotards. They all had musical instruments in their hands. Singing in loud voices, they were a parade.

Incredible--- his mouth was hanging open already.

His ears breaking and his body shaking from the sound of the whistle, Banri's eyes were wide open. College is really cool. He hadn't thought it was cool like this. From this point on, for sure, life was going to get really cool.

This fast, arousing rhythm toyed with his body and made him feel like loosing to his instincts. He was convinced. At this place, for sure, he could become a new person. The days he had vainly spent pursuing the vision of his lost self were completely over.

The confetti dancing. The countless leaflets fluttering in the wind. The row of drums. The men's throaty shouts. The women's voices with their high-pitched laughter. Glorious, dazzling, madness of spring. The parade's rhythm shook him furiously, throbbing violently. He closed his eyes, blackout, can't see anything anymore.

Tada Banri.

If you were to open your eyes, you might be able to see your own self reborn. The self waking up in a new room, meeting new friends, and falling asleep in that new room.

Before opening his eyes again, he tried to envisage something like making a wish. He would certainly see a wonderful new world with his new eyes. Fun, cheerful and satisfying, even if he had mistaken those for loneliness or solitude --- the whole of it glittering gold, like being dazzled all the time.

Let's go live like that every day. So many people to meet, so many people to love, so many people to live together with in this world. Banri celebrated the sprout of a new life, and wished this from the season called spring.

If he could live like that, then surely before long he would fall in love.

He wanted to love.

A single person, he wanted to admire someone so much, that nothing else could enter his heart. It may have been a worldly desire indeed, perhaps, but as Banri was an ordinary person, it couldn't be helped. He wanted to meet a single girl. He wanted to bet it all on love. He wouldn't mind if she wasn't such an exceptional partner in every way like ''Yana''-ssan's.

He wanted to throw himself into the currents of fate. Diving into the rushing stream of this new world, the person you should meet, the one you should discover, grab hold of it with your own hands, Tada Banri!

With his eyes still closed he let out a big strong sigh,

"3, 2, 1... Ready..."

''Go for it!,'' he thought, and opened his eyes.

Come on, the encounter of destiny!

Drumbeats all over the place.

"...Eh!? Whoa!?"

Shining before his eyes --- there was a crowd of dancers clad in brilliant emerald green. All the dancers were assembled in ranks surrounding Banri, and were stepping in place wonderfully. He had his eyes closed, ecstatically, lost in a daydream, and by the time he had noticed, the second half of the parade group, the dazzling samba squad had surrounded him. Or instead, because Banri was just standing there he got in the way of the all the dancers, and the parade couldn't flow past him.

"Excuse me, excuse me", apologizing while trying to get through them, the hands and feet moving to the rhythm blocked his escape. Bending back and forth desperately so as not to disturb their choreography, the dancer's steps stabbing between his feet, in order to avoid hitting anybody he had no choice but to match their steps. Bit by bit, kicking his feet, swinging his hips, then in desperation,

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyy!"

Stretching out both hands, index fingers pointing to the sky, he gave a mighty pose, shouting with all his heart.

At almost the same time, somebody spin behind him, his headdress scoring a direct hit on the back of Banri's head. Crack! An easy knockout, he was about to fall clumsily flat on his face --- or so he thought for a moment.

His arm was grabbed hard, he was pulled up.

As if dragged out together with his twisted legs, Banri was yanked out of the line of dancers.

Stumbling a few steps he fell over to the feet of other students,

"No 'Hey!' from you, amateur. What were you doing?"

"...Ah..."

He saw that person.

"Freshman?"

He nodded.

The spectacle was outright surreal.

The person who helped Banri --- was wearing a kimono<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kimono kimono]</ref>, white with flower patterns. A bright scarlet obi belt<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obi_(sash) obi belt]</ref>. And a hat shaped like a crescent moon<ref>[http://bartman905.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/amigasa hat shaped like a crescent moon]</ref>. With the hat was secured under her chin with a red cord, her face was almost half hidden. What he could see his eyes were drawn to: full lips, tinged a vivid deep red. Like a scene from a period drama, in the stance of a traveler collapsed and nearly dead on the street, Banri had been caught by a rescuing goddess looking as if she were from the Edo period<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edo_period Edo period]</ref>.

"Which department are you from?"

"L... law department. I'm Tada Banri."

"I'm Linda."

Linda.

His reality was shifting yet again. He'd thought he'd been rescued from samba by a person from the Edo Period, and that person turned out to be a foreigner---

"My name's Hayashida, that's why [[Golden Time:Volume1_Translator%27s_Notes#Hayashida|Linda]]. I'm a sophomore. See ya later."

---Ah, Japanese.

"Errr...!"

Once he was standing, he involuntarily called after Linda. When she turned, beneath her hat a white face could be seen for a fleeting moment. Contrary to his expectations after her blunt words, she seemed to be a nice person.

"...Um, your lipstick... It is incredibly pretty..."

He had said it before he realized. What an abnormal thing he had blurted out. He had said it unintentionally. It was what came to his mind, at the spur of the moment.

"Disgusting!", she will leave him with those words, but Linda gave him a brilliant smile from beneath her hat. And then, swinging her supple, slim waist to the intense rhythm, she left Banri and turned towards the richly colored ranks of the parade.

As her form was on the verge of disappearing into the crowd, she turned around at the last moment. He could see her kimono sleeve swing as she threw him a kiss.

It knocked Banri for a loop, and he involuntarily slapped one hand over his stricken heart.

Twice in one day already, he'd received a kiss from the opposite sex... One of them wasn't intended for him. But,

"...Wow...!"

Having forgotten his lonely future for the moment, the spring just starting looked to be exciting.

 

Notes:

<references />

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Back to [[Golden Time:Volume1 Prologue|Prologue]]
| Return to [[Golden Time#Volume 1: A Blackout in Spring|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Golden Time:Volume1 Chapter2|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}

Golden Time:Volume1 Chapter1

2013-09-09T14:55:38Z

MatrixM: /* Chapter 1 */

<noinclude>==Golden Time 1: Chapter 1==</noinclude>
==Chapter 1==

[[Image:Golden Time vol01 015.jpg|thumb]]
Tada Banri ran half crying.

The Tokyo streets at one o'clock in the morning, despite being "the Tokyo", were pitch dark with no signs of life, not even a lit light by a window. During the day today (or rather, yesterday already), in spite of it only being April, it had been so warm he had been wearing only a T-shirt and drinking iced coffee, muttering to himself "It must be global warming." He was now shivering from the cold and anxiety. The sleeves of his flannel hoodie pulled down to his fingertips, his too-unsteady footsteps making a flapping sound from the sandals on his bare feet, anyhow, if he could just get to the main street everything might be all right... Should be all right. He wanted it to happen. With all his heart he ran.

"A young man turning nineteen this year shouldn't be running through the streets at night teary eyed...", I thought, but I understood Banri's feelings.

If I were in the same situation, I might cry too.

He had come to the capital together with his mother who, for the sake of her son who was starting a life alone, had arranged for furniture, appliances, gas, water, electricity and so on. She'd gotten through various minor formalities here and there, and then this afternoon (already, so fast!) she'd returned home in a Hikari<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikari_(train) Hikari]</ref> bullet train.

And then, finally, he had truly started the first night of his life alone. Only, this night kept him from tomorrow morning's college entrance ceremony. Late at night, as the new day was just starting, unable to sleep with his worries, he did as he supposed any resident of Tokyo would do in order to distract himself: he went from one convenience store to another... but he lost his way in the streets. Worse, it appeared that somewhere, somehow, he had lost the key to his new home. In any case, it wasn't there in his pocket anymore.

Banri's feet suddenly stopped and walked all of three steps back the way he'd come. He saw a map of the residential area standing by the edge of the sidewalk. "Saved", he said to himself as he approached and searched for the apartment building where he now lived, "Motomachi", tracing a route with his finger from "You are here". Anyway, once he had returned to the front of the apartment building, he intended to walk all the way back to the convenience store, searching for his keys.

But... ahh, enough.

If this voice could reach Banri, I would tell him, "Look more carefully at the map. That 'Motomachi' is the 'Motomachi' in the next district!'" No, rather I would say, "You left them in the apartment in the first place, forgetting to lock up! They're in the room!" Unfortunately, I cannot do that.

For the time being, all I can do is pray for him so that if Banri could just get back to the apartment somehow and get to sleep quickly, then perhaps he would survive tomorrow's entrance ceremony without problems. Just how important can one day in your life be, this new college student entrance ceremony? Even I--- though having become a wandering soul, can understand.

I couldn't believe the possibility that the spirits of men, even when they have left their bodies, remain and stay in this world to watch over someone. This side of the world was hidden, so I had only recently found out.

I am, so to speak, a ghost.

My name was once Tada Banri.

Nobody hears this voice anymore, nobody notices my existence.

I just keep watching this new Tada Banri who continues to live, even though I, his spirit, have fallen out of him.

"Young man, at this hour what---, what happened---"

All of a sudden, the living Tada Banri turned his face forward and a light shone straight in his eyes, freezing him like a deer in a car's headlights.

"Ah, wha... I, I got lost..."

"Do you have a license, a passport, anything with you that can prove who you are?"

"Eh, ah, huh..."

He was being subjected to the first police interrogation of his life. This was going to be a long night. Was this situation a crisis? Was it a gift from god? You can never tell where Banri is concerned.

<center>* * *</center>

Anything and everything thrown together, his current state of affairs was one of "Great Trepidations", thought Banri as he looked around.

The weather, however, was truly excellent.

A snowstorm of cherry blossom petals from the clear blue sky danced around frantically, as they wanted to spend their lives as spectacularly as possible. The auditorium, located amongst a number of old gray office buildings, seemed to welcome the moment of drama.

The scene looked like something from a painting. Cherry blossoms against an April sky. Young people gathering for opening ceremonies. Men and women alike wearing brand new suits and leather shoes, bright smiles breaking out all over the place, anticipating college life. Banri felt like trying to cut off the dark, inconspicuous corner of that painting, where he stood.

A constant stream of friendly conversations passed before his eyes. The auditorium entrance was beneath the eaves of the building. For the moment, Banri and everybody else had the same brand new suits and the same brand new leather shoes, in their hands they had envelopes with the names of their colleges. With dark circles beneath his eyes from lack of sleep, he didn't look the typical freshman. His right sideburn curled out at a strange angle and some of the hairs near his ear stuck inside, rustling around, bothering him.

He couldn't get to sleep until three in the morning. He'd been a wreck since last night.

He got the idea, in the dead of the night, to go out and buy something, got lost in the streets of an unfamiliar neighborhood (a rather dumb thing to do), took time away from a policeman's duties, explained his situation and was escorted back to his apartment, with great difficulty he got to sleep, but due to his nerves, he woke up at six in the morning. But it was better than sleeping in late, he thought, as he slowly laid out his clothes while he thawed some rice his mother had put in the freezer, then ate breakfast. After that he took a shower, and dried off his hair while sitting on the bed. He shouldn't have done that. His body heated up by the shower, the still brand-new sheets comfortably cool, he had lain down without intending to. He didn't remember closing his eyes. "Eh... What'd I do now... What the heck...", he said when he realized it was already past nine o'clock. The opening ceremony was to start at ten in the morning.

Jerked awake like a puppet, he fell into a state of panic as he looked in the mirror, his newly washed hair now a mess from having slept on it, but he didn't have enough time to wash it again. He cheated with the dryer as much as he could, threw on a suit and flew out of the apartment. In that moment, he was even more on the verge of crying. He got on two trains later than he should have by the schedule, the right shoes on, but the wrong socks. Without even realizing it, he had put on his customary ankle-baring sneaker socks. Indeed, with his stiff new shoes, when he sat, he felt a weird chill around his ankles. He felt helpless.

He dashed from the station, somehow or another arriving at the college entrance ceremony on time. Taking his seat, he composed himself like a perfect freshman while the visitors were welcomed, though he found himself disassociated from the grand occasion. That wasn't from lack of sleep, nor from bedhead.

It was because he realized, that he was the only one entirely alone.

He wasn't even trying to be observant: the place was noisy the whole time from people talking. It was because everybody else had somebody to talk to. If they'd come up from an affiliated high school, they'd already formed groups of friends, guys and girls together, and if not, they were usually seated with their parents. Usually.

"Parents these days don't go to college entrance ceremonies!" "That may be so at Toudai<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_Tokyo Toudai]</ref>, but at this place that's overdoing it. Everybody's going to think I'm some sort of mama's boy!" "Absolutely ridiculous!" "Parents don't normally come to college entrance ceremonies!" After Banri's complaints, his mother had returned home the day before. "Well, I've brought this just in case...", she said, then put a companion ticket for the admission ceremony back into her wallet, like it was something precious. He hadn't been all that seriously wishing for her not to come. But then he whined absurdly like a little kid, "I don't want you to come", in what he thought was a normal parent-child relationship.

And now, having gotten here, already discouraged, but above all feeling guilty of being disloyal to his parents. It weighed heavily on him. He hadn't even waved. His mother's back had gone through the Yaesu<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaesu Yaesu]</ref> north entrance ticket gate, disappearing as he saw her off.

Without realizing it, he let his breath out pathetically, as he stood still in the entrance, seeing the hair color of people descending the steps, laughing together.

From where he stood, he could not see anybody else who was alone. He rubbed his eyes with his middle fingers. Maybe it was pollen, or perhaps lack of sleep, but his eyes were itching strangely. A guy who forgot his handkerchief certainly wouldn't have brought eyedrops with him either.

Things aren't looking good--- yeah, even from now on, it looks like things are going to keep on going badly.

"You gonna ride the train? Or walk?"

"Why bother going up to the station? It just makes me tired. I prefer to walk."

In front of the paralyzed Banri's eyes, two guys walked by in suits, loosening their neckties.

From the auditorium, he had to make it over to the freshman orientation by himself, one hour later over on his department's part of campus. Having said that, according to the guide map that had been passed out to them, it was only one station away by subway. Even though he had just arrived in the capitol, that didn't mean he'd just crept in from the wilderness, nor that he was all that nervous about what he had to do. What was confusing from Banri's point of view was that the crowd leaving the auditorium, for some reason, was dividing in two.

Perhaps, the people turning north were going to the station. Those going south were walking. With the weather so nice, he wanted to walk, but the walking route wasn't noted on the map. The memory of last night's disaster still fresh in his mind, he didn't want to get lost by himself again in the streets. "But from now on, I will have to find the way everywhere by myself..." "But still..." Banri stood there murmuring, still hesitating for a while, then he finally made up his mind and went down the steps to the street.

He decided to stick close to the pair, who preferred to walk. "From this point on we're a trio!", he whispered to the backs of the two in front of him. The two of them were dressed in slim dark grey suits, just like Banri.

Still lacking the courage to make conversation, Banri followed after them, matching their pace. Though things were a bit uncomfortable right now, eventually their classes and studies would draw them together as friends. He'd say things like "Honestly, at the opening ceremony I was hopelessly following you two", and then they would be able to laugh about it all. Banri's pursuit still unnoticed, the two walked on steadily. At length the entire crowd of freshmen had flowed out of the auditorium, into the streets, where, like a river coming together, they mixed into the crowds of the weekday town passing by. If you didn't look too close, you could wind up confusing the freshmen and the businessmen. When,

"Ah, it's rather hot today, isn't it? Let's go get some ice cream."

"Really?"

The right-hand guy spoke on a whim. Staring at the back of the guy's head, Banri's eyebrows rose without thinking.

"Really. Why don't we stop by the next convenience store? I'll eat ice cream."

Do you really want to eat some ice cream right now? The opening ceremony has just ended, and you want ice cream from a convenience store in the middle of the way to the orientation, when the time is limited? He gazed the back of the left guy's head. "Forget it." You on the left, say it! Just what he was going to do while those guys ate ice cream, he had no idea.

"In that case I'll have some too. There ought to be a 7-11 around here somewhere."

"Yeah, there was a 7-11. But where was it, I wonder?"

They didn't hear Banri's silent message. Leaving the slow stream of passersby, the two turned down a narrow side street. This was the time when he should have bidden farewell to them, sticking to the other freshmen. Banri should have done that, but he suffered a lapse in judgment. Going along straight ahead, it wasn't easy to distinguish freshmen from businessmen right away, so without thinking he had gone along with the two down the side street. "Ah ah ah." Ignoring Banri, whose conscience tried quietly to hurry him, those two were saying things like, "Hmm, 7-11, 7-11. Over there? Over here?" Those two stayed cool and collected as they went along unfamiliar streets. Perhaps they wanted to get rid of him... among such doubts, he turned left and right, straying from the right way,

"Ah, it wasn't a 7-11 after all."

They were in front of a Family Mart<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FamilyMart Family Mart]</ref>.

The two of them entered the store without hesitation, not noticing Banri's presence yet, who stood there blinking his eyes rapidly from anxiety. Not knowing what else to do, he followed suit, leaving a little distance between them. He turned his back to them, pretending to stare at the magazines, while the two were fishing in the ice-cream case. After some ten seconds, he made up his mind, "I'll have to eat too." In order to look normal, he figured he ought to just do the same things those guys were doing. After looking sidelong to make sure the two guys had gone to the cash register ice-cream in their hands, putting on his most innocent expression, he peered into the ice-cream case too. Not to waste any time in choosing, he grabbed the first one at hand, "Ah... I'd like some ice cream after all..." making such a face while the two paid their bill, he queued behind them at the register. However,

"But of course, from here we've got orientation, and ice cream could be a real mess. We don't really have much time left, maybe we should change our mind."

"Well, that may be so. Shall we just go? Excuse me sir, the register is yours, we're leaving."

"Ehh!?"

The two very politely gave their turn in line to Banri and went to put the ice-creams back in their case. The part-time store-clerk wasn't even bothered. "Next please", he said, waving Banri forward. Not having any idea what else to do, he reluctantly handed over the ice-cream, got out his wallet, and lacking small change, finally got out a 10,000 yen bill. "First the larger change", five-thousand, six-thousand, seven-thousand. "Then the small", jingle jingle jingle. Getting back his change took long, and during that time, the two left the store.

---What the heck? What am I supposed to do?

Shocked stiff, saying "no thanks" for a bag, he took the ice-cream as it was, and while putting away his wallet, Banri left the store in a daze. "Which way did those two turn?", he couldn't spot the forms of the two guys. "Calm down for now, I'm not lost yet", he kept reminding himself. "We came from this way, and then perhaps, along that way. I know that much, no problem."

When he looked at it, he realized what he bought was a Gari-Gari-Kun"<ref>[http://chibadailyphoto.blogspot.com/2008/07/garigari-kun.html Gari-Gari-Kun]</ref>". Whatever, let's eat. I should only worry after that. Banri shook his head to clear his panicky mind, then unwrapped his ice-cream. The soda-colored bar was tough from being too frozen, so after biting into it, "I have to put off eating this", he realized.

He took a looong breath.

"...What's this? ...What am I doing..."

What an idiot.

By the time he had realized it, the likely-to-be-important orientation was within thirty minutes or so. With no idea where he was, he was eating his ice-cream alone in front of the convenience store. The form of an idiot, who fell into this too unreasonable situation was reflected in the mirror mounted on the ID-picture machine across the street from the store.

He wore a dark grey suit, with a large light-green envelope. He held a light blue popsicle in hand. The hair drooping over his ruddy cheeks, was lighter than expected. Nonetheless, biting into the ice-cream, the features themselves looked much more composed than how he had previously perceived them. Even at a time like this, "Wow. If I look at myself objectively, I'm quite..." Banri thought, putting his hand on his chin, but

"...Whaa?"

He noticed that the image in the mirror wasn't moving together with him. Like a fool exposed, he turned around.

What was reflected in the photo-ID machine's mirror wasn't himself.

Dressed in a similarly colored suit, holding the same envelope at his side and eating the same ice cream was another person. Their eyes met, then looked away momentarily. Even so, Banri raised his eyes again and looked at the guy doing exactly the same as himself. There was no other possibility, the guy was a freshman at the same college. Ignoring him would be unnatural. Ehh, aren't we doing the same thing? Ah, what, maybe we are from the same university? By saying this, he wanted to keep things lighthearted,

"...Huh? Ah? Oo're ya?"

His mouth wasn't working too well, chilled by the ice-cream, and only an ambiguous moan was getting out.

Nonetheless, with body language, pointing at himself and then the other guy, he managed to get the point across,

"Ho...gu..."

The guy, too, while desperately trying to swallow a big mouthful of ice-cream, was looking back at Banri's face. Holding his fingertip to his mouth and chewing,

"...Well..., actually, I... the way to the college, I don't know it very well..."

His voice was lower than expected from his looks.

Without thinking, Banri gave a good long look at the other's face. Though it was just a for moment, mistaking the guy for himself was completely inexcusable, as the guy had much more composed features. He was also a bit taller than Banri, his hair better kept, his suit fit his strong shoulders well.

"I figured I would follow after somebody, so that's why I wound up walking right behind you. ...And when you went in there, I thought, 'What am I going to do now? ...Well, why not?... Why not just stick together?'"

"And from there..." the guy waved his ice-cream bar, showing it off.

Without thinking, Banri laughed. "What!?", he said, his voice now coming out naturally and brightly.

"Then really, we were doing exactly the same thing, both of us. I don't know the way either, and I followed after other guys from the auditorium `til I got here! But having been left behind, 'What am I going to do?', I was thinking."

"...Huh? Really?"

"Really. I don't know the way at all."

Still holding their ice-cream, not knowing what to do with it, they looked at each other for several seconds. In the end, they wound up laughing once more. Weren't they just the pair of oddballs? They felt like a heavy lid that was stuffed into their stomach, was swept away by laughing.

"Somehow, an unexpected meeting of similar people. I'm Tada Banri. 'Tada' means 'many fields', and though my name is made up from 'Man' and 'ri', it isn't 'Manri', but rather 'Banri'. I'm studying law. You can call me Banri."

"Oh good, I'll be studying law too. I'm [[Golden Time:Volume1_Translator%27s_Notes#Yanagisawa Mitsuo|Yanagisawa Mitsuo]]. It means that 'the willows are thick by the side of the swamp', and 'light in the center'. You don't have to be formal with me, 'Yana' will do. Did you come here straight from high school?"

"I'm one year late in starting. How about you, ''Yana''-ssan?"

"''Yana''-ssan? Wait- a year older!? ...Really? You don't look like it--- Well, it's fine. I'm straight from high school... but, though, ah, is it OK if I speak casually like this?"

"Of course. I mean, you don't even have to ask."

"I'm from Shizuoka<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shizuoka_Prefecture Shizuoka]</ref>. Since last night I live by myself. Where ya from?"

"I live close to here, but alone too."

"Yeah, freedom! We're alike! Let's be friends!"

As if raising a toast, Banri raised his half-eaten Gari-Gari-Kun to the level of his eyes. Yanagisawa raised his too the same way, and then they both finished off their treats in one breath. Throwing away the sticks, off they went, and finally before long they were able to return to the main street.

By themselves, after all, it had seemed an arduous journey, but together they weren't all that concerned. Compared to the streets of the residential area with no living soul around late at night, this time they could just ask somebody. When he was by himself, he couldn't even imagine doing that.

Chuckling to himself, he gave a sidelong glance at the already overly familiar Yanagisawa.

"Because unfortunately there wasn't anybody to talk with until now, I'd really been rather worried. I saw that other people were already among friends, and my loneliness was just getting worse."

"Ah, I was thinking that too. Especially for me, feelings of being cast out are something I didn't have for a long time now: since elementary school I've being going to an affiliated school."

"You've been going to an affiliated school since elementary?"

Nodding, Yanagisawa rapidly muttered the name of his place. Even though Banri was not from Tokyo, he still recognized the name of the prestigious private school. Over the next four years, the two of them would be attending this private university, but that other school was higher in rank in every possible way.

"Wha? Really? How come you didn't just advance to the university!? If you just stay on the escalator<ref>refers to the "escalator"/"elevator" system, in which graduates from a high school attached to a university can enter it without admission exam</ref> it always works out... What am I saying? Did I just..."

Banri reflexively shut up, stopping himself from running off at the mouth. This is wrong. What a fool he was. He was being insensitive. Maybe it wasn't he ''didn't'', but that ''couldn't'' advance. Suddenly being raised from the depths of solitude, his excitement was slipping out of his control.

"Ex, excuse me...! What I said was wrong... I'm really sorry, we had such a great start on this day... Ah, the mood is becoming awfully strange..."

All these apologies were depressing. Looking at Banri's face, who held his mouth shut this time, his eyes wandering aimlessly,

"By no means, I don't mind at all. Well, if I tell it, it's going to be a long story."

Yanagisawa waved one of his hands in front of his fine shaped chin. His gesture of "Let's talk this over slowly some other time", reached Banri as well. "Slowly, some other time." I'll tell you when we have more time. By all means, come over for a visit, OK? You can even have Bubuzuke<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chazuke Bubuzuke]</ref>. ---Ah!

Slooowly he took one step away from Yanagisawa. "Eh, what?", Yanagisawa looked at Banri's strangely fixed smile, who looked like a fool.

Banri was thinking he'd gone and done it. Last night, before getting lost in the neighborhood, he'd been looking on the net. Amongst tips for college students posted on a site, there was a human-relations item: 'Pay special attention to avoid overly familiarity on first meeting! There are possible landmines!' ...What should he do in a situation where he was the one requiring special attention? Unable to help himself, he slapped himself once on the head like a comic story teller.

"I'm such an idiot, an idiot landmine... to have caused ''Yana''-ssan such unpleasant feelings, after he's taken so much trouble to become my friend..."

"Huh? What's up? Are you perhaps troubled about what just happened? It's not that big a deal. It's not a long dragged out story, ...well, it seems you are worried for some unknown reason, so I will explain it in short. I had caused some problems concerning the opposite sex at the affiliated school. I was fed up, and needed my space. I wanted a new life as a college student, so I took the outside exam on my own will."

"It's not such a big deal, really", expressed Yanagisawa as he scratched his prominent eyebrows. Upon considering it,

"...Hyuuu...!"

Banri couldn't whistle, so he said this instead.

Carefully coming halfway back to where he was before, folding his arms across his chest, waving his finger while his shoulders shook, he intended to express "You're great!" the best way he could, within the limits of what was acceptable.

"Huh... The opposite sex?"

...If he kept his excitement at this level, then there shouldn't be any problems. But, in truth Banri wanted to be even more fired up. ''The opposite sex!? How cool! Arguing with the girls is super cool! A love triangle!? An affair!? Forbidden love!? Let me hear about it! I mean, share your luck! Make some girl trouble! [[Golden Time:Volume1_Translator%27s_Notes#Don Doko Don|Get that power-up! Super jump!]]'' ...Around his heart a tension was mounting,

"Sooo, if someone's as cool as ''Yana''-ssan, such things happen to them!? So did you have an argument with your girlfriend? Eh, eh, am I getting annoying!?"

He stopped right there.

"...No, you're not."

"Don't go making up stuff!"

With a fast half-step, he had drawn right next to Yanagisawa.

"...No, but, its no case talking about it. And by the way... she's not my girlfriend."

"Not your.. girlfriend!? What did you just say!?"

Isn't? And, while allowing Banri to get closer, the strangely serious Yanagisawa nodded. Then,

"It was not a good thing, absolutely not. It was... right. So to speak,"

Stopped by a red light at a crosswalk, he looked a little into the distance and then turned back to Banri.

"...a disaster..., it seemed like."

"Even so what does that," he tried to find out more, and as luck would have it, at that moment the light changed to green.

On this side of the crosswalk, a taxi was parked. Banri, with Yanagisawa alongside, had just started crossing in front of it at the light. ''Wham!'' The taxi's door flew open. To the asphalt descended the spike of a high-heel shoe, the hard sound echoing like a hammer.

They looked over there by reflex.

Banri gasped. In an instant, all his thoughts were swept away.

The storm of cherry blossoms had been something to see, but this, this was overwhelming.

Almost like rushing forth, out of the taxi came a huge bouquet of scarlet roses. Shining in violent contrast to the deep blue sky, deep deep deep red.

Banri's gaze was torn towards it, as it was raised overhead diagonally by that person.

"...Whop!?"

With all her strength, she struck the side of his face. "It hurts!", he shouted out, "No! It's cold!", he shouted out again, but in the end he hadn't any voice.

A cold spray of water droplets splashed over everything nearby. Completely astonished, Banri fell to the ground. The rear of his brand new suit-pants hit the ground, and he watched as more glittering drops of sprayed water came flying. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It was Yanagisawa, who was being attacked. Yanagisawa got slapped across the face from above and the sides, three times, four times, by a bouquet of fresh, deep red roses. Each time, a few of the lively flower petals fluttered away, falling like drops of blood.

And then, the finishing blow! From directly overhead the bouquet came down, thrown down on the collapsed Yanagisawa's chest.

Banri was speechless.

Yanagisawa was too.

The rose petals fluttered about vividly, overloading their senses with the intensely sweet smell of nectar. In the middle of this deep red air raid,

"...I've removed the thorns."

Showing a wide, "perfect" smile, even the breathing was calm of that woman.

Who she was, what she was, such questions were fading away like the fog in the morning. There she was, a luminous snow white form, sparkling as if gently sprinkled with drops of water --- the deep red flower petals as it were an aura about her, the queen of roses completely.

"Congratulations on your admission! That's all I wanted to say."

"This can't be", Yanagisawa groaned in a low voice, holding the roses in his arms. Like he didn't want to accept reality, he was shaking his head left and right. Banri, still the dumbfounded outsider, simply lifted his eyes to her smile.

Her skin was perfect, shining like the finest silk. Her hair was perfect, deep brown, curled without a strand out of place. Her figure was perfect, her head slightly tilted to the side. Wearing a snow-white one-piece lace dress, her neck and ears highlighted by pearls, with fine high-heeled shoes and a deep purple handbag at her wrist, in every way the woman was perfect. That such a person could even live and breathe was a complete mystery, she was so unrealistically perfect. Even her voice was as clear as tinkling bells.

"So silly of you, Mitsuo."

Suddenly intense, she looked down fixedly at Yanagisawa from under her long, thick eyelashes. Her lips shining the same deep and glossy red as the roses, just like flower petals, she continued smiling perfectly.

"Did you think you could fool me completely, sneaking off to college? Did you seriously think you could escape? There's just no way. You can't fool me with tricks like that. For Mitsuo to run away from my perfect, our perfect future, such a thing cannot be."

Mitsuo - - - She is calling my ''Yana''-ssan, no, not that he is mine in any way, Yanagisawa by his name.

Still dumbfounded and planted on the ground, their earlier conversation came to Banri's mind. This could be the trouble-making girl who is not his girlfriend, perhaps, after all.

"Mitsuo has been mine for-eeever."

"Wr...wroooongg!"

"You're mine. Don't put up useless resistance ever again. So, see you later!"

She half ran back over to the taxi, which was still parked there. Just before getting in, she noticed a flower petal stuck to her hair. She picked it gently with her fingertip and put it in the palm of her hand, then blew it this way --- I mean towards Yanagisawa, like a kiss. The petal fluttered through the air, clinging once to the tip of Banri's nose, but soon the wind carried it away.

Leaving the two of them and the roses behind on the road, the taxi took off.

"Wha,"

He looked over at Yanagisawa.

"Whaaaaaaa!"

Still holding the bouquet of roses, hair disheveled, Yanagisawa let out a long shout. Banri managed to stand up first, and extended his hand towards him,

"''Yana''-ssan, get ahold of yourself! Who was that!? I mean, what just happened!?"

Many people were looking towards them, Banri realized. For the most part, everybody was looking at Yanagisawa. He was still sitting on the ground, holding an enormous bouquet of roses, looking a bit out of place in the ordinary streetscape for sure. He was just like a time traveler out of some trendy soap opera from the bubble era<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_asset_price_bubble bubble era]</ref>. Passing along the street, groups of seemingly new students and businessmen were looking this way. Stares expressing surprise mixed with faint smiles. Some of them were pointing fingers, laughing.

Hey, look. Wow, incredible. What's up with that rose man? With that envelope and all, he's one of the freshmen from our school for sure. So mysterious! What is he doing? Isn't that rather awkward? There was muttering and whispering all around.

A bit disoriented, Yanagisawa stood up. Right then, as if in one last attack, the piled up flower petals came fluttering down from his head. Seeing them fall at his feet, looking at the bouquet of roses held to his chest,

"O..over... my student life... in one day, it's over...! Hahaha... ahahaha!"

Yanagisawa gave a distracted look and thrust one hand into his pocket. And then 'Whee!', pulling out a handful of petals that stuck there, he tossed them overhead. 'This can't go on', thought Banri, his shoulders twitching. As far as problems with the head were concerned, he had quite enough of his own.

"Hold on, ''Yana''-ssan, you've really got to get ahold of yourself! Moreover, look... we have to reach the orientation in time!"

"Am I going to carry these gorgeous roses with me to the orientation!? I'd just be embarrassed, standing out like a sore thumb, and then, for four years of student life, what'll I do!? What do they mean by 'Rose Man' anyway! Like some kind of '[[Golden Time:Volume1_Translator%27s_Notes#Ham Man|Ham Man]]'...!"

"Well well, ah, please take this: Congratulations on your admission to the college."

Some freshman girls were staring at them as they passed by, and their eyes met. On the spur of the moment, Banri pulled a few roses out of the bouquet and extended them out to the girls. Whereupon, while saying things like "Eh, is that for me?", they quite happily reached out their hands for them. Seeing this some other girls said, "Those guys are giving away roses?" "You're kidding! I want one!" And they came on over.

This might actually work, he thought.

"That's right! I'm giving out roses! Congratulations on your admission to the college! I'm the Rose Man, please have a rose!"

"...What are you doing Banri?"

"''Yana''-ssan, you should give some away too. Ah, here you go."

Pulling them out one by one, they handed out more and more roses to people.

"If all other freshmen go to the orientation, holding roses, the only memory that will be left won't be 'On the day of the entrance ceremony, there was this strange guy holding roses', but rather it will have become 'On the day of the entrance ceremony, the freshmen received roses', am I wrong? For that reason, ''Yana''-ssan too, come on, we're giving out a million roses to you and you and you and you! Yes yes, here you go, there's still more! Congratulations on your admission!"

Even the [[Toradora%21:Spin-Off_2_Translator%27s_Notes#Aunt Squad|Aunt Squad]], who were not looking like freshmen, cried "They're so pretty!", and "They're free!", and rushed over excitedly. "Could we please!?", their smiles directed at them.

"...Here you go!"

Even Yanagisawa smiled desperately, showing his teeth in a big grin while giving out roses to hand after hand.

"You are right! If I had stumbled right out of the gate, that Kouko would have had her way for sure. Even if she found out, we will be apart. We'll live in our own worlds. To that end, I went back and forth to cram school so I could get accepted here. In such a place, I wouldn't stumble! I won't become what Kouko wants me to be! My life as a student isn't over yet! Have a rose!"

They had about fifteen minutes left before the orientation start time.

<center>* * *</center>

Kaga Kouko.

That was her name it seems.

She had met Yanagisawa Mitsuo during her first year of elementary school. In those days, Kouko was a delicate, bullied little girl, whom he had protected. Because of this, she had latched onto him with all her might, saying that Yanagisawa was the 'prince of her dreams'.

"From that moment onwards, Kouko's dream has always been just one thing. 'Get married to Mitsuo!' ...scary, really."

"Scary? Why? Isn't that awfully romantic talk? A childhood promise… bound by fate to your childhood friend... sort of. That's good, totally. I mean, she is a really pretty girl, overflowing with charm, like an actress."

"You don't understand. You really don't know what it's like!"

His voice had risen only a little, but the girl seated in front of them looked back at Yanagisawa briefly. Lowering their voices, the two murmured "Sorry", and bowed their heads a little. They had been whispering too loudly.

The new law student orientation was taking place in a rather college-like way, in a wide classroom with seats arranged in tiers like a stairs. On the platform, a member of the Student Affairs department read into a microphone, "You have a duty to comport..." "Every effort to prevent accidents..." and so on, as he read out a number of important points regarding smoking, drinking and such.

A sweet smell floated across the wide space, coming from the deep red roses in the hands of a certain percentage of the students.

"...Didn't you get it from that moment earlier? Just because I don't move on to the same college as her, she ambushes me at the opening ceremony, beats me in the face with a monstrous bouquet of roses, and after she's done harassing me, she gives me a big bright smile and leaves, ''that'' kind of woman."

"She's a mess, she really is," he repeated in a soft voice like a groan.

"As far as Kouko is concerned, she has her life scenario fitting her so called 'perfect self'. She only sticks to me as part of that scenario of her perfect life. Whenever I tried to do something,"

Yanagisawa turned his face towards Banri. He separated his forelocks to the sides, disagreeably narrowed his eyes, almost cross-eyed, pushed out his chin, and with a strange tone of voice,

" 'Mitsuo! That's not right!' 'Mitsuo! That wasn't what I'd planned!' 'Mitsuo! Do what you're told!' 'Mitsuo! ''Faufaufaufa!'' ' 'Mitsuo! ''Fafafafafaa!'' ' ...That's what it was like. Not a way to live."

It was funny, but not at all like her.

"Her face wasn't like that. Rather something like this,"

Banri drew his chin back, batted his eyelashes up and down while looking upward, working his shoulder slowly back and forth, and combed up his bangs... gently,

" 'I've... removed the thorns... n...' wiggle~... wasn't it like this?"

Yanagisawa gave him a cold look and shook his head.

"What was that? No, she isn't like that at all. Of course, what can you know from just one meeting? She is like, ' ''Fuaaa!'' Mitsuoo! ''Nfuaaa!'' ' 'It's ''Fuafua''! Do ''Fuafua''! Don't ''Fafa''! ''Faa!'' Mitsuooo! ''Faaaa!'' '"

"Eh, isn't that just some lunatic? What I saw was 'Oh how silly... Mitsuo... h'."

"No no, she isn't like that at all! She is more like this! ' ''Faffaa! Faaaaan!'' Mitsuoo! ''Faan!'' ', but also,"

Yanagisawa probably wanted to demonstrate his expressiveness even more, the veins on his forehead showing, he lifted himself a little in his seat, twisting himself around, when finally,

"You there! Stop all that whispering!"

"..."

From the speaking platform a finger was pointing at him in warning. Yanagisawa flinched, awkwardly stiffened, and quietly sat back down on the more than uncomfortable, wooden bench-like seat. His cheeks flushed, he bowed his head while mouthing "Excuse me..." and like that he huddled himself up. Even Banri hurt from the piercing looks coming from around the classroom. This situation seemed even more embarrassing than the attack with the roses.

He snuck a sidelong glance at Yanagisawa's blushing face, who also looked back at Banri, "Don't say a thing", Yanagisawa expressed by simply holding his finger up before his mouth. And then rather than to cause trouble with more whispering, he scribbled something in pencil in the margin of one of their handouts.

'Anyhow, I'll be away from Kouko four years for sure!'

'I won't give up just because of that much humiliation! I'll enjoy my life as a student!'

'Hurray for a new life!!!'

'Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!!!'

And from the side you could see him grinning. His straight white teeth formed a perfect arc. ''Yana''-ssan must come from a good family and place, Banri thought. Then, taking his pencil, rather than writing an answer, with a big grin, he drew a cat that was shouting "YES!!!".

Moving on to an explanation of the required classes and lectures for graduation, the special courses needed by those who wanted to move on to law school, the special courses needed for the civil service examinations, all of the different kinds of special qualification tests and so forth, they heard all sorts of important explanations, and the day's orientation ended at about noon. When he heard "The ban on recruiting for clubs will be lifted starting this afternoon," Banri looked over at Yanagisawa and their eyes met.

To really enjoy student life, you've got to have clubs. At least, Banri thought so. Selecting a club is, absolutely, the most important requirement, he thought. It happened when accompanied by Yanagisawa, he was just about to get up from his seat.

"Mitsuo! ''Faafafafa! Faufaufaa!''"

"...Eh!?"

Suddenly a voice came from behind them. Banri and Yanagisawa looked back in unison. Banri saw white fingers placed firmly to Yanagisawa's forehead. ...Creak..., only Yanagisawa's head was made to turn around, like it was about to be twisted off from his body.

"''Faufaufaufaufaaaaaa!'' ...am I like this I wonder?"

Yanagisawa's face went white, as if the blood were draining from his head. Reaching over the desk from the seat right behind and a bit above them, both hands holding his head, there floated the perfect smile of Kaga Kouko. Amongst the sober shades of blue and grey, shining alone white in a lace two-piece dress, there she was.

The whole time - - - she had been just behind them. Probably.

"W-W-W-W..." Yanagisawa's lips trembled.

"Why... why are you... what are you doing here!?"

"For the orientation, of course. It's only natural to be here."

Watching as Yanagisawa's face, trembling all the way to his nose, went pale directly in front of her, Kouko smiled, her rosy lips parting slowly. Of course, beautiful white teeth shone between those lips.

"I told you before, didn't I? I said, 'See you later'. Didn't you hear me? Or perhaps... ''Fafafafafaa!''"

With a gesture like a caress, Kouko's beautiful finger slowly brushed Yanagisawa's hair.

"...was what you heard...?"

Her hands were fiercely swept away, and maybe out of frustration,

"What was that for?"

Kouko, still smiling but with a cold voice sharp as a knife, folded her arms. Striking a pose with her chin lifted a bit, she looked down at Yanagisawa. Her large eyes shone like black jewels, mirroring the shadow of her long eyelashes. In all this, she seemed not to have noticed Banri at all.

"Don't you ask that! What in the world are you doing!? Why are you here in this orientation!?"

"I yielded to your desire and matched mine to it! I enrolled here too."

"''Fa''..."

"Now that's a happy face. For another four years, we'll be able to study together."

Yanagisawa held his breath, ran his hand through his hair three times, and because his hair was now all messed up, when he looked up at Kouko he looked like the angry ghost of a defeated soldier.

"...Y, your plans, what about them...!? In your plans for the future, didn't you want to move ahead in studying French Literature, spending three years studying abroad in France!? Hadn't you decided to build yourself a career in the fashion business!?"

Letting out a small sigh, Kouko slid her fingers down her glossy hair which reached below to where her chest swelled out.

"A small change was definitely required, but it wasn't difficult. Student life without you by my side would be meaningless. I had been thinking that you and I would go to college together, taking classes in business so we could take over my father's business. But I don't mind. It's the same for me whether my husband owns his own business or works as a corporation lawyer. Mitsuo, you betrayed me, planning to secretly take an outside examination. When I found out I was surprised, of course... but, rather than making a fuss to forcefully stop you, I thought it better to follow you. So I took almost all the entrance exams you took as well."

"...How, could the school of my choice, have gotten out... I asked my homeroom teacher to keep it secret, and yet... I didn't tell my friends, not anybody that I was taking the test..."

"This year they finished the medical faculty building. Did you know? It's called the Kaga Memorial Building."

"It was no problem hearing as much as the school you had chosen." said Kouko, once more showing a calm expression, lips relaxing to a broad smile. Horizontally across her bangs, a blue silk hairband with red-orange patterns framed her round white forehead. From her silhouette, following along to her small chin, and continuing past to the line of her long slender neck, she could hardly be more different from the other co-eds passing behind her. She was too sophisticated.

She had distinct features, that couldn't be described in any other way but being beautifully shaped.

"Aren't you happy too, Mitsuo? That I give you all my heart."

--- More than anything else, her expression of beaming self-confidence made her prettier than any other girl, Banri realized. Yet, she hadn't even noticed Banri's existence.

Yanagisawa, making a face like he'd eaten something bitter, stared back at Kouko, dumbfounded.

"Right? You're happy, right? Answer me, Mitsuo."

"...''Un''happy..."

"Really happy, right?"

"...Forever ''un''happy..."

"The truth. You're happy, right?"

"Unhappy, I said! You're a nuisance! Despite my taking the outside exam so I could get away from you, you've gone and messed it all up! That's not something to be happy about!"

Suddenly, Kouko seemed to notice Banri's presence. She suddenly smiled pleasantly at Banri, who had been standing still next to Yanagisawa.

"Don't mind him. He's feeling out of sorts. Mitsuo is, so to speak, famous for being ''that''."

Tsu, n, de, re.

Heh.

She tapped softly near her mouth with a beige-painted fingernail, and gave a small shrug of her shoulders. Like an actress on stage, she gave an exaggerated wink. Banri had no idea how he was supposed to react,

"Well, hmm, ...My name is Tada. What to say... well, nice to meet you... heh!"

Bending loosely, he pitched forward. Pushing Banri aside, Yanagisawa chose the primitive means of escape, by attempting to run off. "Oh! Mitsuo got away!", with that Kouko ran after him, highheels ringing boldly, running up the stairs. Kouko's beautiful form stood out, capturing the eyes of many freshmen, who then turned to each other to say something. There were quite a few of those, who knew that the gorgeous roses in their hands were originally her gift. Er, there must be guys around who saw the attack at the crosswalk.

"...I mean..."

Then he realized, after all, that he was alone again.

Left behind in the lecture hall, Banri looked around. Yanagisawa and Kouko's argument had drawn looks, and some glances were still turned towards Banri too. Ill at easy, he hurriedly threw the writing instruments left scattered on the chairs, into their envelopes.

"''Yana''-ssan has left everything behind..."

Gathering under his arm printed handouts of important stuff, syllabi, and various things belonging to Yanagisawa who had forgotten about them, Banri left the lecture hall in long strides up the stairs. They have exchanged their cell-phone numbers and e-mail addresses anyway, so returning them tomorrow won't be a problem.

Leaving through one of the many doors out to the corridor, he joined the swarm of the other freshmen. Plans for going out, first time introductions, the voices and laughter here and there echoed like a small explosion. The school building was old. The light coming from the flourescent fixtures was going yellow, there were braces here and there to stiffen the walls against earthquakes, and for some reason the windows had iron grillwork fitted to them. It was said that at one time this college had been the site of a violent student demonstration, and those things must have been the remains of that time.

Carrying at his side two people's worth of envelopes, Banri slowly descended the steps. In the designated smoking corner of the lobby, some freshmen (it was doubtful whether they turned twenty or not), suits still on, were already hanging out. Glancing sideways, viewing the destination of the smoke they blew, following the guy in front of him, Banri also left the building.

That very moment.

"Freshman, congratulaaaatioooooons!"

"...Wha...!?"

With a great commotion, before his eyes fluttered a storm of confetti. There was a big crowd of students, many more than just the freshmen.

What started to surround Banri and the other freshmen blinking from this unexpected twist, were all the huge members of the American football club, yelling, and standing in the first row of students. Their big bodies crammed into their uniforms, chanting their team's name in a peculiar way, they grabbed the guys that caught their eye and easily lifted them over their heads.

"You there, freshman, con-grat-u-lations! Up you go!"

"Not me, not me, no way! Excuse meee!"

His eyes having met one of the guys with a helmet, Banri bowed his head to the summons and ran down the entrance steps in a hurry. In front of his eyes, above his head,

"Are you not interested in comic storytelling? We are holding live events for students!"

"Waa, waa, waa ♪ Come and do Glee Club ♪"

"You there, you look like someone who would love camping! The camping research club is over here!"

"The Freshman Comedy Club welcome reception will start at two o'clock! It's free of course, and there'll be drinks!"

Between leaflets being shoved at him, hands inviting him over, and then tons of bursting smiles, Banri's path was blocked over and over again. On the verge of being crushed in the crowded mayhem, all of the freshmen, swinging their idiotic faces like the heads of pigeons feeding, were being coaxed to line up before the desks of the club booths. You couldn't say that the midtown campus was very wide, but every club appearing there now had started their club recruiting meeting, with costumes, music and everything imaginable.

There was a group in varsity jackets with the college name on them, who for some reason were wearing swimsuits and shouldering oxygen tanks. There were masked pro wrestlers in tights building a small temporary ring, miniskirted lacrosse girls with polo shirts, each of them so pretty like a model, and some otherwise unidentifiable guys, who were selling cold drinks from an enormous cooler for 50 yen apiece. "Information on leisurely taking lectures! Everything is printed here!", yelled a gang of reporter-like guys, waving something resembling newspapers, with Mass Communications Research Society written on their sashes.

Even the other uniformed bodies gathered around, tennis, and then judo, which together with the American Football club were suddenly livened up by cheerleaders. Swordfighting and archery were there too. The people in tuxedos and dresses must have been the ballroom dancing club. A cheering party dressed in black school uniforms, they were difficult to approach.

There slightly hunched and short built, somewhat baby-faced, without any aspiration stood an idle Banri. For this, only the clubs with cultural aspects called out to him. "The trains will always be on time!" ...Railroad Research Club? "Why not go to the beach twice a year?!" ...Manga Culture Research Club? "Sunday morning is chaos!" ...Anime Research Club. And stranger, "Detective Novel Mystery Only Research Club", and "Maze Research Club", and even, this one catching his imagination a little, "Gigantic Structure Exploration Club". What could "On Mount Takao<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Takao Mount Takao]</ref>, even you can shake the mountain priest's hand" be?

He came back to himself to find that a mountain of leaflets had been pushed into his hands. Washed away by the raging wave of students from all grades jumbled together, Banri couldn't just stand still, and ended up at the center of the square. He intended to select which club they'd belong to with Yanagisawa, but in this madness, this uproar, he had no idea whether he could manage a clean escape.

"Aren't you a freshman!? We're the tea ceremony club, but young men are super-welcome too!"

"Ah, thanks..."

"Then for now, drink drink! Drink drink driiink! Drink driink! Drink drink driiink! Drink drink-ink-ink drink drink-ink-ink-ink drink drink driiink!"

"...Y, yes ma'am!"

Offered, rather insistently, a bowl of green tea, he tasted it while trying not to let the crowd rock his elbow. ''Gah'', he drank the bitter stuff and returned the bowl. ''The way to drink! Yes, good guy!'' Clapping, the tea club moved on to their next target, ''drink driink!'' To the attack.

The back of his hand might have turned green as he wiped his mouth. At that moment - - - A loud whistle burst his ears. He looked up in surprise. From the other side of the campus, a group, playing Latin music of intense, danceable rhythm, was separating the herd of people, cutting through the crowd. The samba whistle<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whistle#Music samba whistle]</ref> was maddening. They had messed up hair, their own or wigs, gaudy beads woven into cornrows and really long dreadlocks, men and women alike dressed in bright green tight fitting leotards. They all had musical instruments in their hands. Singing in loud voices, they were a parade.

Incredible--- his mouth was hanging open already.

His ears breaking and his body shaking from the sound of the whistle, Banri's eyes were wide open. College is really cool. He hadn't thought it was cool like this. From this point on, for sure, life was going to get really cool.

This fast, arousing rhythm toyed with his body and made him feel like loosing to his instincts. He was convinced. At this place, for sure, he could become a new person. The days he had vainly spent pursuing the vision of his lost self were completely over.

The confetti dancing. The countless leaflets fluttering in the wind. The row of drums. The men's throaty shouts. The women's voices with their high-pitched laughter. Glorious, dazzling, madness of spring. The parade's rhythm shook him furiously, throbbing violently. He closed his eyes, blackout, can't see anything anymore.

Tada Banri.

If you were to open your eyes, you might be able to see your own self reborn. The self waking up in a new room, meeting new friends, and falling asleep in that new room.

Before opening his eyes again, he tried to envisage something like making a wish. He would certainly see a wonderful new world with his new eyes. Fun, cheerful and satisfying, even if he had mistaken those for loneliness or solitude --- the whole of it glittering gold, like being dazzled all the time.

Let's go live like that every day. So many people to meet, so many people to love, so many people to live together with in this world. Banri celebrated the sprout of a new life, and wished this from the season called spring.

If he could live like that, then surely before long he would fall in love.

He wanted to love.

A single person, he wanted to admire someone so much, that nothing else could enter his heart. It may have been a worldly desire indeed, perhaps, but as Banri was an ordinary person, it couldn't be helped. He wanted to meet a single girl. He wanted to bet it all on love. He wouldn't mind if she wasn't such an exceptional partner in every way like ''Yana''-ssan's.

He wanted to throw himself into the currents of fate. Diving into the rushing stream of this new world, the person you should meet, the one you should discover, grab hold of it with your own hands, Tada Banri!

With his eyes still closed he let out a big strong sigh,

"3, 2, 1... Ready..."

''Go for it!,'' he thought, and opened his eyes.

Come on, the encounter of destiny!

Drumbeats all over the place.

"...Eh!? Whoa!?"

Shining before his eyes --- there was a crowd of dancers clad in brilliant emerald green. All the dancers were assembled in ranks surrounding Banri, and were stepping in place wonderfully. He had his eyes closed, ecstatically, lost in a daydream, and by the time he had noticed, the second half of the parade group, the dazzling samba squad had surrounded him. Or instead, because Banri was just standing there he got in the way of the all the dancers, and the parade couldn't flow past him.

"Excuse me, excuse me", apologizing while trying to get through them, the hands and feet moving to the rhythm blocked his escape. Bending back and forth desperately so as not to disturb their choreography, the dancer's steps stabbing between his feet, in order to avoid hitting anybody he had no choice but to match their steps. Bit by bit, kicking his feet, swinging his hips, then in desperation,

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyy!"

Stretching out both hands, index fingers pointing to the sky, he gave a mighty pose, shouting with all his heart.

At almost the same time, somebody spin behind him, his headdress scoring a direct hit on the back of Banri's head. Crack! An easy knockout, he was about to fall clumsily flat on his face --- or so he thought for a moment.

His arm was grabbed hard, he was pulled up.

As if dragged out together with his twisted legs, Banri was yanked out of the line of dancers.

Stumbling a few steps he fell over to the feet of other students,

"No 'Hey!' from you, amateur. What were you doing?"

"...Ah..."

He saw that person.

"Freshman?"

He nodded.

The spectacle was outright surreal.

The person who helped Banri --- was wearing a kimono<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kimono kimono]</ref>, white with flower patterns. A bright scarlet obi belt<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obi_(sash) obi belt]</ref>. And a hat shaped like a crescent moon<ref>[http://bartman905.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/amigasa hat shaped like a crescent moon]</ref>. With the hat was secured under her chin with a red cord, her face was almost half hidden. What he could see his eyes were drawn to: full lips, tinged a vivid deep red. Like a scene from a period drama, in the stance of a traveler collapsed and nearly dead on the street, Banri had been caught by a rescuing goddess looking as if she were from the Edo period<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edo_period Edo period]</ref>.

"Which department are you from?"

"L... law department. I'm Tada Banri."

"I'm Linda."

Linda.

His reality was shifting yet again. He'd thought he'd been rescued from samba by a person from the Edo Period, and that person turned out to be a foreigner---

"My name's Hayashida, that's why [[Golden Time:Volume1_Translator%27s_Notes#Hayashida|Linda]]. I'm a sophomore. See ya later."

---Ah, Japanese.

"Errr...!"

Once he was standing, he involuntarily called after Linda. When she turned, beneath her hat a white face could be seen for a fleeting moment. Contrary to his expectations after her blunt words, she seemed to be a nice person.

"...Um, your lipstick... It is incredibly pretty..."

He had said it before he realized. What an abnormal thing he had blurted out. He had said it unintentionally. It was what came to his mind, at the spur of the moment.

"Disgusting!", she will leave him with those words, but Linda gave him a brilliant smile from beneath her hat. And then, swinging her supple, slim waist to the intense rhythm, she left Banri and turned towards the richly colored ranks of the parade.

As her form was on the verge of disappearing into the crowd, she turned around at the last moment. He could see her kimono sleeve swing as she threw him a kiss.

It knocked Banri for a loop, and he involuntarily slapped one hand over his stricken heart.

Twice in one day already, he'd received a kiss from the opposite sex... One of them wasn't intended for him. But,

"...Wow...!"

Having forgotten his lonely future for the moment, the spring just starting looked to be exciting.

 

Notes:

<references />

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Back to [[Golden Time:Volume1 Prologue|Prologue]]
| Return to [[Golden Time#Volume 1: A Blackout in Spring|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Golden Time:Volume1 Chapter2|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}

Golden Time:Volume1 Prologue

2013-09-09T14:43:07Z

MatrixM: /* Prologue */

<noinclude>==Golden Time 1: Prologue==</noinclude>
==Prologue==

"Kuwaa~n... aanaan iya aaaaan... ufuu~n...," as the usual, strangely erotic sound of the idiotic bell could be heard behind him, Banri was already halfway across the bridge, at the head of the group.

"Sorry, are we going too fast today?"

He turned to look back at the club's vice-captain, who had been running just behind him.

"Yeah, let’s go a little slower."

While pulling out the pony-tail, which had fallen into the jersey's collar, the vice-captain turned around too, and looked back at the other club members, who were running behind them.

If they went at their normal pace, the seductive bell could be heard when they were one quarter over the long bridge. The club manager, Kanada-san, followed the end of the line on his bicycle, where he kept an eye on the first year students (who weren’t all that strong yet) so they wouldn’t get left behind, and rang the bell, which was about half-way through their normal forty minute run.

"That bee---llll---,"

"Haaasss beeenn ruuunnng by..."

"Kana<nowiki>~~~da~~~~</nowiki>!" ...Holding imaginary microphones in their left hands and waving their right fists to an R&B rhythm, Banri and the vice-captain sang out in chorus. "Upperclassmen are idiots!", a second-year student running up after them gazed upon the two with disapproval. Another of the second-years said, "Don't they do that every day?", with a stunned look on his face. No matter how uncool it was, or how tired the juniors got of it, they couldn’t do anything about it. Looking at the vice-captain, Banri said, "Nothing wrong, is there?" Playing along with him, the vice-captain replied, "Right," and nodded.

Banri and the other track club members ran this bridge every day, what was said to be Japan’s longest wooden bridge<ref>[http://exploreshizuoka.blogspot.com/2010/09/horai-bashi-worlds-longest-wooden.html Japan’s longest wooden bridge]</ref>. Even as a local, he thought the same: it was certainly long. A big river separated this side (the mountains) from that side (the sea), which could be sensed in the hazy distance. Especially now, the scenery was blurred by the dusty spring wind and, somehow trembling, looked even more distant. Because the bridge was so long, ten years ago, a travel program had featured it on their show.

Next thing you know, there was a bridge boom! City Hall climbed on board this expected fad, saying, "Let’s make sure we please the tourists that will surely descend upon us!" They had interminable meetings upon worse meetings, and in the end, on the mountain side of the bridge, statues of the "Seven Gods of Fortune"<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Lucky_Gods "Seven Gods of Fortune"]</ref> were arranged. The child sized statues were set up along a fairly sloping mountain trail, making an easy hiking course. Just before the grove of trees was cut off by the bridge at the end of the trail, above Fukurokuju<ref>[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fukurokuju Fukurokuju]</ref>, a huge bell was hung, with its sound bringing good fortune to the opposite bank. Practically saying "Please sound the bell", a mallet was placed beside it. The fact that the bell’s toll reverberated in a strangely sensual way they decided to leave be: "Well, there’s nothing you can do about it."

However, the few tourists that came were busy taking pictures of the view from the bridge, and consequently the only visitors to the statues were either the neighborhood dogs on walks, or the local high-school track team training. The dogs, of course, couldn’t ring the bell. The only person who would make the obscene '''(!)''' noise by ringing the bell was Kanada.

"Huh? What happened to that guy?"

Banri spotted someone, after he eased off on his pace, and turned back around. Surprised, the vice-captain asked, "Eh? What?"

"Look, there... Maybe he is not feeling well? Is he alright?"

On the bridge itself, a little further ahead of Banri’s group, a man wearing a khaki jacket was crouched down. He was clinging to the knee-high guardrail as if he could hardly hold himself up. Banri glanced sidelong at the guy, but hesitated to call out to him, instead slowly approaching, quietly said to himself,

"I’ve got a bad feeling about this..."

That very moment, he passed by.

Their eyes met sidelong, quietly.

The man crouched down as if blind drunk, or maybe crying, or perhaps suddenly fallen ill, covered his face with both hands and looked at Banri through a gap between his fingers. On the back of his hand, a single mysterious character, something like a "wa" or a "re"<ref>わ (wa) and れ (re) look similar in Japanese.</ref>, was gleaming with a faint yellow light that Banri noticed because it flickered. He didn’t understand its meaning, but leaving that aside, the man's eyes were opened wide in surprise.

Startled, because the area of the man's half-hidden nose had a strange...

"Uo, o!"

Because he was looking way over to the side for too long, he lost his balance and stumbled a few steps. He really didn’t want to be seen like that.

"Banri!"

Calling out his name, the vice-captain sounded surprised, too. As if it were to blame, the elbow of Banri's windbreaker was nudged.

"That’s dangerous! What’re you doing?"

"But, but something about that guy… what!? No way!?"

Stubbornly, Banri was already running backwards, blinking while searching for the person he must have just passed.

He may have been seeing things, or it may have been a waking dream.

However many times he looked back, the unfortunate phantom was now nowhere to be found. He suddenly wasn’t there. He had simply disappeared.

Was it entirely his imagination? Was it a hallucination? No, or maybe, no way… did he fall off the bridge?

But he couldn’t hear the sound of anything dropping into the water.

Notes:

<references />

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Back to [[Golden Time:Volume1 Illustrations|Illustrations]]
| Return to [[Golden Time#Volume 1: A Blackout in Spring|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Golden Time:Volume1 Chapter1|Chapter 1]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Fumi Saito

2013-09-08T14:19:24Z

MatrixM: /* 5 */

==1==

I don't have any friends.

Not because I hate talking to others, or because I'm mistrustful, or because I'm too lazy to cultivate contacts. It's not like I deliberately want to avoid making friends; put plain and simple, I'm just unable to make any.

My mom always tells me that it's no big deal, since I'm smart and my grades are good, but from my perspective ''that's'' no big deal. She doesn't know how cumbersome school is for people who can't make friends.

Just like right now: Even though it's break time and everyone's engaged in chats, I'm sitting here alone as if I were in another dimension. It gets even worse during the lunch break, when I wordlessly munch away on my lunch while all my classmates put their desks together and eat together—I always feel like a castaway on a desert island surrounded by the vast ocean.

From time to time I wonder if all the other people are just aliens wearing human disguises who are deceiving me, the last living earthling.

Ridiculous. Ridiculous, indeed, but that proves how alone I feel when I'm at school.

Because I have nothing to do between classes, I started reading books in my free time even though I don't really like doing so. Thanks to that, I've become even harder to approach and widened the gap between me and my classmates even further. It's a vicious cycle: I'm mistaken for someone who likes being alone, even though that's downright wrong. I'd love to chitchat, too! I want to chat about who's the coolest guy in our class or who my favorite member in whatever boyband is too! But I'm ignored. I'm only reluctantly approached by others when absolutely necessart.

Why am I unable to make friends? What makes me different from everyone else? Since I have nothing to do anyway, I often mull over this question.

It must be because I'm ugly. I have a lot of pimples, my eyes are small, and my nose is flat, just like my breasts. But do I really look that terrible? I don't think so. It's wrong to blame my looks, at any rate.

It's my communication skills. Right, I'm not good at talking to others. But why is that? Because I'm always cautious? Because I get nervous when I'm talked to? No, that's not all there is to it. That's just another vicious cycle that started because I don't often talk to others.

The root cause must be that... I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of being thought of as an oddball. I'm scared of spoiling the mood by making an inappropriate remark. I'm scared of others' opinions of me.

Before I know it, I'm gazing at Mizuhara-san's group in the second row by the window. Mizuhara-san is sort of the leader of this class, and as such has lots of friends. They seem to be having a lot of fun. They're really enviable.

But even among the members of such a close group, I'm sure that people could name others in the same group who they don't like. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has characteristics that might cause resentment. I, for one, have lots of them.

Therefore, it must be impossible to make friends for me.

But that's okay.

I may have no normal friends, but I do have a best friend.

I have one irreplaceable best friend—

—Reina Kamisu.

"You're too kind, Fumi, that's your problem."

That's what Reina said to me on our way home when I told her about my take on why I can't make any friends.

The smile she flashed while saying that was so stunning that I couldn't help admiring her for a few moments. Her long hair is the purest raven-black and so smooth that it's unthinkable to find any split ends, while her body is curvy like a model's, unlike my immature development.

Reina is truly beautiful. Absurdly beautiful.

"I'm kind...? I don't think so. I just don't want to be hurt."

"But isn't that what makes you kind?"

"Why so?"

"I mean, it's not like everyone else ''wants'' to be hurt, right? They don't want to be hurt, either."

"But they get along with each other."

"Yeah. Then what distinguishes you from them? Let me tell you: You're sensitive to the wounds of others. You are scared of being hurt, Fumi, but you're also scared of hurting someone."

Well, of course I don't want to hurt others randomly.

"That's why you are very kind to everyone."

"Reina..."

I'm really grateful for her words.

But I know that in truth I'm just a coward. Reina has merely put a sugar-sweet coating around the word ''coward'' before handing it to me.

But that thoughtfulness of hers makes me happy.

Aah, Reina sure is peerless. Even though she's only in the third year of middle school like me, she's so different.

"You're so lucky, Reina..."

"Mm? Why?"

"I mean... you're pretty and you're smart... I can't help thinking that God treats us unjustly."

Yeah, God is unjust. If he wasn't, Reina and I wouldn't be living in the same world. I suppose God doesn't get around to balancing out everything that he's created, and passes us around even more carelessly than workers do with products on a conveyor belt.

Everyone knows that. But I'm not mature enough yet to accept that I'm "inferior".

"That's not true! You're cute, Fumi," she responds with a kind smile, reading my mind.

"...I'm not. That sounds a bit like sarcasm if it's you, you know...?"

"Ah, that's totally mean! But Fumi... while some people like you prefer me, there are also some people who would prefer you!"

"No."

"But there are! At least there's one, right here," Reina says as she points at herself and smiles.

"But—"

"If," she interrupts me, "If for argument's sake, there were more people who prefer me over you, why should you care? Numbers don't mean anything. Or do you want to be in the spotlight like an idol?"

"That's not it."

"Then there's nothing to worry about, is there? There's at least one person right here who thinks you are irreplaceable. Or are you not satisfied with that?"

"Mmm! I couldn't wish for more!"

"...I see."

Reina puts on her kind smile again, which makes me kind of ashamed of my behavior.

Aah... I'm still such a child. Silly me. Really. I bet Reina thinks that I'm jealous of her beauty, which is actually true. I'm so filthy. Now she's lost faith in me. I'm sure.

"...Fumi, you're blaming yourself, aren't you?"

"Eh?"

"My... you really ''are'' too kind. Do you think I'd taken offense?"

"But——"

"No buts. You're being a little rude, you know?"

"Eh?"

"Fumi, you are a dear friend of mine. Someone important to me. By acting this way, it almost seems as if you didn't believe me?"

"Ah..."

"Fumi. I'm your best friend, right?"

"Of course!"

I can say this for certain.

"You're an irreplaceable friend, Reina!"

A dear friend who could never be replaced.

If Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long since have—

==2==
Another bad day starts.

The fact that I'm usually alone in the morning only makes it worse; Reina often has to go early to school because of her morning practice in the track and field club. I did once consider leaving the house at the same time as she does, but waiting in the classroom until classes begin is pretty painful as well, and most of all, I don't want to bother her, so I decided against it.

I walk alone to school and head to the shoe lockers to change into my indoor shoes.

"..."

What is this...?

''Morning!'' I hear someone say behind me (of course not to me) and hurriedly close my locker. After waiting for that student to leave, I open it again.

"Oh, eh..."

There is a letter on my indoor shoes.

I reach out, but at a loss what to do, my hand stays there until another student approaches. On the spur of the moment, I cram the letter into my bag.

Oh my, oh my... i-is this a...?

I get uncomfortable. I don't know why that is, but there are too many people here. I feel like all the people around me are watching me. Whenever a glance crosses my eyes (and I know it just crosses them and doesn't actually perceive me) I feel it piercing through me.

Nobody would care about me, I know that, but I can't help feeling that everybody keeps watching my every step.

Unable to bear the gazes any longer, I escape to the restroom, and hurry into a toilet stall, and take the letter out.

Stuffing it into my bag has left the letter slightly crumpled — sorry to the person who put it into my locker.

I unfold the letter.

"Dear Fumi Saito

I am writing this letter to you because there is something that I have been wanting to tell you.

Please wait in your classroom after school."

That's all there is.

"Ah...hah..." I gasp for air, finally noticing that I haven't breathed while reading.

What is this about? What... what is this about?

As short as it is, I can still see that, objectively, it's probably a love letter. However, it's addressed at me. A love letter addressed at me? Really? Is that possible?

"Of course it's possible!" Reina says right off the bat.

We're on break and have come to the landing of the stairs that lead to the roof. Because the roof is inaccessible, the stairs here are virtually never used by anyone, which is why we often use them when we want to discuss something in secret (although it's mostly me who has something to discuss).

"How can you be so sure?! I mean, we're talking about me here...!"

"As I told you the other day, Fumi: you are a charming girl."

I open my mouth to deny what she said, but then I reconsider, thinking back at how we went round in circles last time.

"So, how about it, Fumi?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"What's your response to that love letter?"

"Ah—"

I had completely forgotten about that because I was fixated on the fact that I'd received one. Right, I still have to respond to it.

"R-Reina, I, I don't know what to do!"

"To start with, how do you feel about that boy?"

"That boy...?"

I unfold the love letter and check again.

"Well, Fumi? How do you feel about him? Do you know each other pretty well? Or not at all, maybe?"

"—None."

"Hm?"

"There's no name."

"Let me... let me take a look."

I give Reina the letter. She inspects the piece of paper from all sides, and eventually heaves a sigh.

"You're right. There's no name."

"...You've received love letters before, right, Reina?"

"Yes, I have."

"Were there any without a name?"

"...Hm... maybe there was one, but I think it was a case where the sender was obvious. I always knew who the letter was from."

"I see..."

I reread the letter. ''"Please wait in your classroom after school"'' — a sincere request to me.

"...What are you going to do?" Reina inquires.

"Don't you know pretty well what I'm going to do, Reina?"

"...Right. Well, it's you after all!" she smiles gloomily.

"Don't... don't wait for me today after you're done with your club activities."

"Why not...?"

"..." I remain silent, unable to give her a proper answer. I don't really know why I asked her that, either. Normally, I would want her with me at such times.

Reina gives me a bright smile, "...Hey, Fumi. You've been wanting to go to the aquarium, haven't you?"

"...Yeah. I love dolphins."

"Let's go there one of these days, then!"

Why would she propose that now?

"...Mm! It's a promise!"

I knew why, and that made me happy.

Classes have ended.

I always stay at school even without receiving such a letter, because I wait for Reina's club activities to end.

Today, however, I had Reina go home herself. I'm alone—alone at waiting for the sender of that letter.

As I gaze at an open book, I ponder over who I want the letter to be from. Kado-kun, the boy who is popular in class because he's good at basketball? Mm, I would be happy. The delinquent of our class, Ashizawa-kun? He's a bit scary, but I think I would appreciate it. How about Kogure-kun, although he's a bit strange? I would probably be a bit wary of him, but still happy. And Dojima-kun, who everyone avoids because he's dirty? I wouldn't want to go out with him, but I would be happy.

It's always a nice thing to be thought of favorably.

But how would I respond when it comes to dating someone?

Right now... I have no such plans, because I don't exactly know what would be expected of me. I'm a bit scared, and I don't know how I should treat the other party.

I guess a proper couple has to kiss? But how does that feel? When do you feel like kissing? How should I react when he wants me to kiss? Would he be hurt when I refused to? I can't refuse then... I don't want to be disliked, after all.

Right. Refusal is no option.

Mm, so it doesn't matter who gave me that letter—I have to obey and ''wait in my classroom after school''.

It has become dark outside. The school is going to be closed soon.

Maybe, no one will come. Maybe, it was a joke. If it was—I would feel a bit calmer.

I stow away the book I have hardly read and just gazed at, and prepare myself for taking my leave, when suddenly, the Mizuhara group enters the classroom. They all belong to the tennis club, so I first thought they came to leave their rackets here.

However, their eyes reveal to me that there's more to it.

Mizuhara-san looks at me. "Heh, so you waited."

"Er..."

The girls around her start to giggle as they watch me getting nervous.

"Did we get your hopes up?" Mizuhara-san asks with a grin.

"Eh, um..."

What should I answer...? What answer do they expect from me?

"Probably... I did get hopes..." I answer honestly.

Suddenly, one of them laughs out loud, unable to hold it in any longer, spurring on the giggling.

"Oh come on, that's stupid! No guy would be interested in a sourpuss like you!"

"Kaho! Don't be so mean to her~!"

"But look...!"

"Well, she ''is'' pretty gullible, but that makes it clear how serious her case is, right?"

"Yeah, she's obviously not used to this kind of stuff."

Without giving me a chance to interrupt, Takatsuki-san and Omi-san keep discussing how dumb and strange I am.

I don't know what to do.

Hopes. Right, I had faint hopes that someone might like me. How stupid of me. That's absurd. Completely impossible.

Right now, there is a clear barrier between the rest of the world and me. Transparent, yet tough like tempered glass. Even though they can see me, no one attempts to read what feelings I hold behind my face. Even though they can hear me, no one attempts to understand the meaning of my words.

It's almost like my eyes perceive something entirely different from everyone else. Whenever I reach out my hands, I can only grasp air.

Alone. I'm alone.

Someone likes me? As if. No one is interested in me in the least, except maybe as someone to tease. As a topic to laugh at.

"...uh..."

Ah... I didn't want to cry... but there goes a tear. This will spoil the party. I'm sorry, but I cried, I'm really sorry.

As I expected, they start making uneasy faces.

Desperately trying not to show them my tears, I cover my eyes.

"Aah... we made her cry. Sorry, Saito-san," Mizuhara-san says gently. "But you know? We didn't mean to hurt you. How should I put it... you always avoid talking to people, no?"

No, I simply ''can't'' talk to people!

"I think that's not a good thing, so I thought that doing this, kind of like a shock treatment, might help you. I didn't mean any harm."

I wonder how much truth there is to that? Maybe that was part of the reason, but how is a fake love letter supposed to get me to speak normally? Was there no other way? Isn't that just a pretext to tease me?

"No offense! Really! ...Will you forgive me?"

However, there is something desperate in her voice that makes me nod as I still keep my eyes covered.

"Aah, thanks a lot... I'm really sorry. Okay, see you."

Once I had forgiven them, they quickly left.

...But Mizuhara-san isn't mean. She may have completely missed the mark, but she did care about me. She does take heed of me.

Yeah, she's not mean. She's not.. mean.

"What a mean bunch!"

My inner dialog is being denied. Surprised by that sudden voice, I look up.

"Ah... Kimura-kun..."

Oh no, he saw my tear-stained face. I must look horrible right now...

"Sorry! I allowed myself to overhear your little conversation," he says with an uneasy expression.

"Mmm! I-It's fine..." These words escape my lips because I want to reassure him.

"...They teased you with a fake love letter, right? That's cruel. She... Mizuhara's always like that. You could say that her hobby is to toy with the feelings of others!" Kimura-kun rants, seeming genuinely angry at her.

Is he angry for my sake? For real? If so, why?

Okay, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to calm him down?

"It's okay, Kimura-kun... I knew it was just a trick."

"You knew it was a trick?" he asks while raising an eyebrow.

"I knew that... it would end like this."

"...But why didn't you ignore the letter, then?"

"———"

I couldn't give him an answer. I have no idea how to put it into words.

"Well, whatever... anyway, if something like this happens again, be sure to let me know!"

"Eh?!"

"W-What? You don't trust me, or what?"

I shake my head furiously. It's only natural that I would get startled — after all, he doesn't profit in any way from helping me.

"You're quite the strange girl... okay, gotta go!" he says as he puts a hand on my head with a smile, after which he left. Unable to make sense of that, I just watched him baffledly.

While walking home alone, I start reflecting on the reason why I couldn't ignore the letter.

I expected the letter to be fake — because there was no name, because the paper used was not typical for boys, and most of all, because I noticed that the writer had deliberately tried to fake her handwriting.

However, what if, as unlikely as it is, the love letter had been real? In that case, ignoring it would have hurt that person. I would have betrayed that person and his sincere request ''to have me wait''. I couldn't do that. Absolutely not.

Besides, I couldn't have ignored it either way: the person who wanted to make a joke at my expense wished for me to take on the role of a fool. Had I ignored that request, I would have betrayed their expectations. I would have spoiled their fun. I would have fallen into their disfavor.

That's why I was unable to ignore the letter.

Did I make the right choice? No, I'm sure I didn't. If I were right—

—It wouldn't hurt so much.

Reina.

It hurts, Reina!

I don't want to be '''here''', it hurts!

For the first time in a long time, I have to face that thought again. That thought I always held before meeting Reina.

Right, if Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long have—died.

I have thought about dying countless times.

I'm sure there is no such thing like happy times.

Adult people lie when they speak of their supposedly happy youth. If they don't, then nostalgia must have warped their memories, because they couldn't endure the absence of hope in reality otherwise. Thinking that back in the day, everything used to be better, in order to put up with the present.

This leads to my hypothesis:

Life is and will always be hopeless. We live our pitch-dark lives as we cling to shiny shards that appear every now and then, and then we think back at those shards with a nostalgic smile on our faces. Like fools.

However, I don't have a past to take refuge. I don't have a past to romanticize in my mind when I lose hope in reality. I have no other choice but to accept that life is filled with despair from bottom to top.

Therefore, the only place I can escape to is death.

''Don't think of suicide'', people say. But is that statement backed by actual thought? You shall not kill. Of course. You shall not steal. Of course. You shall not commit suicide. Of course. The answer is so obvious that there is no place for doubt. Those statements must be perfectly true. Dazzlingly true.

You have to walk an endless muddy path that has no significance whatsoever, and you are naturally not allowed to break out. What a hopeless system.

What do you want me to do? What the hell am I supposed to do?

Someone save me! Give me hope! No, I won't be so greedy. Please someone, just notice that I'm walking this path and say a few gentle words to me...

"Fumi."

Surprised by the voice that calls out to me at the perfect moment, I raise my head.

"Reina..."

Only after speaking these words do I notice that I have been crying.

"You told me to go home, but you didn't tell me not to come meet you, right?" she smiles gently at me.

"...I can't."

Even though she understands what I mean, she gently embraces me.

"...It was painful, wasn't it?"

I can't... I just can't anymore!

I'll depend on you, Reina! I'll lean against you! I'll entrust my life to you!

"It's okay," she whispers to me. "I won't betray you."

"—!"

I clearly understand now why I had Reina go home earlier.

It's because I knew that she would comfort me. Because I knew that I would depend on her.

What is the consequence of that?

I have long lost my balance to be '''here''', and needed something to take refuge in.

Needless to say, Reina Kamisu has taken on the role of my refuge, of my shelter.

But now, because of her embrace, I have completely become dependent on her. Maybe that has already been the case for a long time, but either way, I can no longer exist without Reina.

In order to prevent that, I have sent her home.

"...Reina...I..."

"It's okay. Don't worry. I'll... take on your burden."

Her words pierce through me.

I feel how my entire body starts to melt into Reina's body. Slowly but surely, I fade into her.

Such bliss.

I realize that this is what it means to be accepted by someone.

"Uh...gh...," I moan as my tears push up. They fall onto Reina, producing small ripples. I always thought my tears would only fall to the ground, but I was wrong — they have reached Reina's heart.

I am part of Reina, and—

—Reina is everything of me.

==3==

I am changing. The liquid "Reina" is continuously being poured into the container "I", while the liquid "I" is overflowing from that container.

The container is still me, but its contents are Reina; Reina has become my essence.

I still hardly speak anything in the classroom (although Kimura-kun, whose desk is behind mine, talks to me from time to time), but I don't feel depressed anymore.

I am not alone.

That belief gives me strength. That thought I have been holding has gone somewhere far away.

I don't care about anything, as long as Reina is with me.

That's what I thought. That's what I believed.

But not in my wildest dreams did I expect that things could still get worse.

"I can't find my wallet!" Mizuhara-san screams agitatedly.

Everyone present at the homeroom after classes, our class teacher Kosugi-sensei included, focuses on her as she desperately searches for her wallet. The member of her group are watching her worriedly. For a few moments, the classroom lapses into silence, until someone checks if their own wallet is still there, and the others follow suit. I don't bring my wallet to school, but I reach into my pocket nonetheless in order not to be the odd one out.

By the time everyone has confirmed that their money is safe, Mizuhara-san is sitting still in her seat, visibly troubled. Kosugi-sensei walks toward her.

"Have you found it?"

"No..."

"Are you sure that it was there?"

"Absolutely."

"Understood," the teacher says with a frown and goes back to the teacher's desk. "All right, as you surely heard, Mizuhara has lost her wallet. Of course, this may be some sort of misunderstanding on her end, but—" he starts and explains in a ridiculously roundabout way that there is a chance that a member of this class might have stolen her wallet.

The likelihood of pickpocketing is high, considering what the missing item is. Not far in the past, there has been a fuss over a stolen mp3-player.

Mizuhara-san, convinced that it was a theft, is visibly angered, and so are the members of her group, influenced by her.

"Does anyone have a clue where her wallet might be?" the teacher asks.

The students just exchange glances. The teacher isn't expecting any answers, either — the culprit or those who know who did it wouldn't speak up right now.

Or so I thought. But I was wrong.

Kimura-kun reluctantly raises his hand.

"Kimura, do you know something?"

"No, not exactly... but there's something that bothers me."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think that it's common to take the wallet when stealing money. Normally, you would just pull out the contents, right? In fact, that's how the theft in class 5 happened."

"...Perhaps."

"Besides, it would make more sense to steal the money of all members of this class instead of only Mizuhara-san's. Yet, she's the only victim."

"What are you getting at?"

"What I want to say is that it's either a misunderstanding or a vicious joke toward Mizuhara-san."

"It's absolutely not a misunderstanding!" Mizuhara-san disagrees loudly. "Someone has played a trick on me!"

"A trick, hm? How much was in your wallet, if I may ask?"

"...1000 yen and change, but so what?" she answers grumpily.

"So it can't be because of the money, then. It looks like the goal of the culprit was teasing Mizuhara-san; and wouldn't that narrow down the list of suspects to a manageable number?" Kimura-kun says, causing everyone to exchange glances again.

That means that the culprit has a grudge against her, or at least doesn't think favorably of her?

Arriving at this thought—

—I notice that eyes are starting to focus on me.

"Huh...?"

A few students who aren't looking at me notice that a few of their classmates are focusing on me, and thus follow suit. On seeing that, yet another person gazes at me. All eyes are pinned on me.

Why? Why would they look at me?

This makes it seem like... like—

Our teacher, too, notices that I'm the center of attention, and looks at me, only to move his gaze on to Mizuhara-san. I follow his glance.

For some reason, she makes a face of realization.

"Saito," the teacher says to me in a stern voice, causing me to wince.

Just because he called my name? ...Yes, but I but I'm not so dumb as to not understand the situation. To me, this is just like a — death sentence.

"Do you know something?"

"Eh? Ah...er..."

I don't know anything! I'm innocent! But... I fail to say so properly.

"What's wrong? I have asked you a question, Saito."

But he's suspecting me.

"Uh..."

Everyone is looking at me, suspecting me — that's more than enough to make me lose my tongue, but they do not see that.

They understand it like so: I'm panicking because I've been busted, because I'm the culprit.

I'm perfectly aware of that, and I know that I must absolutely answer his question with confidence, but yet I find myself unable to do so.

"I... I..."

If someone was here who understand my personality — if Reina was here — she could explain it to them, but she's not here.

She's not here.

I don't have any supporters here.

"I don't... I don't know any—"

"Kosugi-sensei," Mizuhara-san says, cutting my desperate words short. I look at her in wonder.

There is no anger in her face anymore.

"What is it, Mizuhara?"

"I did something to Saito-san that may have made her hold a grudge against me. I... I played a trick on her. Thinking about it now... that was mean of me," she says with tears in her eyes. "But I... I did it because I thought I could help her to open herself!"

Surprised at what she said, I gaze at her. The sorrowful expression on her face isn't faked. Mizuhara-san is honest.

However, it's unclear to me whether she really tried to open my heart with that fake love letter, or just persuaded herself of that noble goal because of the situation she has found herself in.

Whatever the answer is, there is one thing that has become a fact.

Her words have settled my position.

"..."

All eyes fixed on me.

Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.

Like light projected through a loop, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

There is no suspicion in them anymore.

It's been decided.

It's been decided that I am the culprit.

"N-No, I haven—"

"It was YOU!" Takatsuki-san cuts me short. "You were pissed off, but you couldn't defend yourself because you were too scared! That's why you resorted to such a dirty trick — to vent your frustration!"

"Don't say that, Kaho. I'm... I'm also at fault..."

''Also.''

The words Mizuhara-san sobbed subliminally yet clearly implied that I'm the culprit and that she's the victim.

As a result, her words added fuel to the fire. With a fire-red head, Takatsuki-san walks toward me. Fearing to be hit, I cover my head and cower.

However, she did not come to hit me. Her goal was my bag. She picks it up, opens it, turns it upside town and pours its contents onto my desk.

And for some reason, there is an unfamiliar wallet among the things that fall on my desk. However, someone has mangled it with a cutter.

"...Saito, you are to come to the staff room afterwards."

The moment the teacher says so, uncontrollable sobbing resounds through the classroom.

Needless to say, it was Mizuhara-san.

I look around.

Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes.

Like an ice pick, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

Reina isn't '''here'''.

In other words—no one is '''here'''.

I don't have any supporters '''here'''.

The next day, my desk has disappeared.

Up until now, I have merely been air for everyone, but from now on, they won't even grant me to be air anymore.

I'm not even allowed to exist.

A missing desk in a classroom is like a missing piece in a puzzle; but in this case it's my desk that is missing. I must be the only one who feels that a piece is missing — for everyone else, the puzzle is completed.

I go to the veranda and move the desk and the chair back to their original place. Original place? Really? No, perhaps the original place where my seat is supposed to be is not in the classroom, but at the veranda.

But while that may be true... I don't want to notice.

White, everything turns white.

Everything besides Reina and me turns white.

Like a novel lacking spaces, I'm unable to make sense of the white world '''here'''. They disappear. Everything besides me flees out of reach.

Or perhaps—

I'm the one who is lacking color.

The lunch break ends without my talking to anyone.

I really haven't spoken a word, since I couldn't meet Reina, either. Not one word has been spoken for me or toward me.

People have stopped speaking to me. No, that's no news, but at least previously, there was no ill will in that.

I wasn't even allowed of the absolute minimum of conversation. Even Kimura-kun wasn't able to overcome the magnetic field around me that has emerged in class.

"..."

I was aware of it.

I was aware of it, but this makes it clear.

No one cares if I just disappeared.

The world wouldn't disappear when I disappeared. The blue sky would completely ignore me and not even let it rain. No one cares whatever happens to me. I'm absolutely separated from the rest of the world.

Again, a familiar thought assaults me.

—I... I can't endure it anymore, Reina!

Why? What have I done? I didn't want to be disliked. That's all... I just shut myself into my little box because I was afraid of getting hurt, yet why do they pierce it with spears?

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

Save me Reina, save me Reina, save me rena, savemerena.

"They're all so mean."

"—Huh?"

Reina stands before my eyes.

"'Huh'? What is it, Fumi?"

"Ah, mmm... nothing."

Classes have ended; I have caught Reina when she was about to go to her club and consulted her at our usual spot on the stairs to the roof.

Yes, that sounds perfectly natural.

Why is it then that something felt fatally off? There's no reason.

"Why would they think that you're the culprit without conclusive proof? There's no way you would do that."

"...Well, they don't know my personality. Besides, Mizuhara-san's wallet was in my bag, so it's natural that they would think that I did it."

"Yes, but Fumi... why was that wallet in your bag, anyway?"

"Because—"

I don't really want to think about it...

"...The first reason that comes to mind would be because someone is trying to set you up."

"...Yeah, most likely." Unless I have a split personality. "...Someone who hates me?"

"I... I don't think so. You're not one to make a lot of enemies... I think that someone simply thought that it would be easy to lay the blame on you."

Perhaps.

But anyway, someone hated me enough to be fine with putting the blame on me.

"That's just heartless! We have to find and teach that culprit a lesson!"

"No... no need to!"

"Why? Aren't you suffering under the current situation?"

"I am. I am, but..."

"But?"

"The problem isn't new. It's merely surfaced now..."

"That's not... I mean, you weren't particularly unpopular..."

"You think so? I'm pretty sure it was a matter of time. For example, if Mizuhara-san's position and mine had been reversed, I most likely would have ended up with the short end of the stick."

"No, you're—"

Reina is at a loss for words. When it comes to deciding who is at fault, it doesn't matter what was done, but who did it. Between a teacher and a student, the student will be the bad one; between a honor student and a delinquent, the delinquent will be the bad one; between a beautiful person and an ugly person, the ugly person will be the bad one.

And of course, between Mizuhara-san and me, I will be the bad one.

In other words, the result has been decided all along.

Smart as Reina is, she realizes that.

"...That's not true!"

Reina doesn't believe her own words, and looking at her face, she is admonishing herself for faltering.

...But there's nothing to admonish herself for, since it's a fact.

"Reina."

"Hm?"

"You're still on my side, right?"

"Of course I am!"

Good.

I have a supporter. I have a irreplaceable friend. I have Reina.

So I may still be here.

"Ah—" Reina suddenly says, so I follow her gaze.

"Um..."

Kimura-kun is standing there, seemingly feeling a bit out-of-place.

"...Kimura-kun? What's the matter?"

"Ah, yes... can you spare a minute?" he asks reluctantly.

"Y-Yeah... what is it?"

"To come straight to the point, Ashi-chan told me to call you out, because I happened to know that you're here sometimes."

"Ashi-chan?"

"I'm talking about Ashizawa-kun! Toshiki Ashizawa."

The bad-mannered Ashizawa-kun...? What would he want from me?

Whatever it is, it can't be good for me. Kimura-kun's expression makes this obvious.

"Err... is he... angry?"

"..."

He just gazes closely at me, and eventually averts his eyes.

"...He is?"

"Saito-san. It might be better if you didn't go," he mutters with eyes cast away.

...It looks like it's more serious than I thought. But if I don't go, Ashizawa-kun's aversion toward me will only grow.

I—don't want that. I don't want to be avoided even more because of a misunderstanding.

"...I'm going."

"Okay..." he says as if he was going to get a beating from Ashizawa-kun.

"Fumi," Reina addresses me in a worried tone.

"I'll be fine," I smile and wave her goodbye.

Brought to our classroom (Kimura-kun immediately left for his club), Ashizawa-kun drives me into a corner, and without any time for confusion, I am surrounded by his buddies, Takatsuki-san and the other members of the group, while a few of my other classmates are watching from a safe distance. Mizuhara-san is here as well, but watching from afar with an uneasy expression.

"Okay. Do you know what this is?" Ashizawa-kun says in an oppressive voice as he holds something against my face. It's hard to see from such a short distance, but I can recognize that it's Mizuhara-san's wallet.

"—"

I try to answer, but the words stick in my throat. Everyone is watching me closely and with blatant enmity; I feel that I'm not allowed to speak. I'm scared.

His right arm, which is right beside my head, might lose it any moment. He definitely wants to. He is angry. And the perfect target to vent his anger on is right before his eyes.

I'm scared! Why are they looking at me like that? I can't say anything! I'm not allowed to speak!

"Hey! I asked you what the fuck this is!" he yells. His right arm is twitching.

"It's a... wallet..."

"Whose wallet?"

"Mizuhara-san's..."

"Right. It's Yuu's wallet."

Yuu? Come to think of it, that's Mizuhara-san's first name.

"It's the wallet I gave her for her birthday. It's the wallet you cut up with a goddamn cutter!" he says, some of his saliva flying on my face.

Anger has made him lose more than half of his reasoning. Had I been a guy, he would have beaten me up already long ago.

"You knew that Yuu's dating Toshiki, didn't you?" Takatsuki-san says with a scary face. "And you also knew that this wallet was a present from him, right?"

I don't. I had no idea that they were a couple. Such rumors don't reach me at all.

"That's why you stole the wallet when you were pissed off, no? You can't hide it!"

No, I didn't do anything!

But I can't say that. Even if I did and explained myself, they wouldn't believe me.

"Do you get that? This isn't something you can make up for with fucking money!"

His right hand moves. I reflexively close my eyes. However, he could somehow control himself and hit the wall behind me.

I mind goes blank like white paint. I'm trembling all over.

What am I supposed to do? I'm scared! Please, don't hurt me. I haven't done anything!

"Save me..."

I mutter at last, cornered and intimidated.

"Save me..."

At first, the others seem to think that I am begging toward them, but they quickly realize that's not the case and are taken aback.

"Save me..."

I seek help. Of course, there is only one person I would seek help from.

"Save me... Reina."

I didn't want to get Reina involved, so I tried to solve the matter without her coming with me.

But I failed.

I imagine how her long hair sways as Reina appears and swiftly frees me from their claws. I have a feeling that this picture will become reality. And then she will smile at me with her absurdly beautiful face, "Everything is all right, Fumi."

—However, Reina didn't come.

That sweet illusion took me from the ground to the clouds, to the pinnacle. But at the end of the day, I keep crawling on the ground in reality. I am thrown off the pinnacle again.

"Uh...uh..."

Unable to hold it in, I start to cry.

Thrown off course by my tears, the signs for violence disappear, even though Ashizawa-kun is still visibly angered.

"What?! Do you think we'll forgive you if you cry?!" Takatsuki-san shouts as she draws near to me. "Besides, there's no one who would want to 'save' someone like ''you''!"

"But there is..."

"Who? Your mom? A teacher? They would only help you because it's their duty!"

"There is!"

"And who would that be?! Good lord, you are—"

"Reina! Reina Kamisu is there for me!" I scream. In a voice that might well have been the strongest in my entire life.

Takatsuki-san—no, everyone present—widen their eyes in response to my powerful shout. I'm surprised by myself, too, but I don't regret it.

Because that's the one thing that I will not allow anyone to disagree with me.

I do have an irreplaceable friend.

I do have Reina Kamisu.

I won't let anyone say otherwise.

Taking advantage of their confusion, I escape. I escape from ''them''. I no longer need anything. Nothing.

All I need is Reina.

As long as Reina is with me, I'm perfectly fine.

==4==
As promised, Reina and I went to the aquarium.

There are more visitors than expected for a workday, most of which are families with children and young couples around twenty years old. Probably because they are not as restricted in time.

And of course, we are the only middle schoolers around.

"Reina, are you sure you don't need to go to school?"

"It's fine, but what about you, Fumi?"

"I don't mind at all."

I'm not welcome at school, anyway. My parents won't notice that I'm skipping, either, unless they get a call from school. In fact, ditching school today has made me wonder why I haven't done this sooner.

I look through the glass into the water tank.

Pretty fishes. That's all that comes to mind. They belong to the species ''Chaetodon auripes'', but I'm going to forget that in a few seconds. Therefore, I only feel that they're pretty.

But that's fun.

"Oh, look, Fumi! Lots of jellyfish!"

"Cool."

"I love jellyfish."

"You do? Why?"

"Hm? Well... I wonder why? Maybe because... they don't look a lot like living beings?"

They don't look like living beings — now that she mentions it, she has a point. Inside an aquarium, they still feel a bit like living beings, but when they are held in a water tank at home, they're more like decoration. Decoration that shines and pulsates. When jellyfish are put into a tank in a house, their role changes from a ''living being'' to ''decoration''.

"Besides, jellyfish kind of stand out. All other fishes here are just ''fishes'', but jellyfish fell like entirely different beings. Ah, I'm not making sense, am I?"

"No, I know what you mean. You want to say that jellyfish are simply jellyfish, right?"

"Ah, yes, sort of. Jellyfish are simply jellyfish."

Jellyfish are simply jellyfish.

Looking at Reina, who is gazing into the water tank, I think:

''Reina's also like that.''

Reina Kamisu is simply Reina Kamisu.

Absurdly beautiful, completely different from everyone else, and my only supporter.

Reina notices my glance.

"...What's wrong, Fumi?" she asks.

"Mm, nothing."

She tilts her head.

"Reina... the dolphin show is starting!"

"Hm? Oh, you're right. Okay, let's hurry up."

Slightly swift-footed, walk to the stadium where the dolphin show takes place.

On the way there, we come past a tank in which a large number of fishes are herding together and keep rotating restlessly.

Don't they get tired? I don't only mean physically, but also mentally. Rotating all the time won't get them any farther, after all; they could just as well stay still from the start. If they don't want to get anywhere, is it their goal to continue doing this until they can't move anymore? Don't they feel that such a life is futile?

But the fishes keep rotating, not caring about my thoughts.

The seats at the stadium are being occupied from the back to the front.

"Let's go to the front row, Reina."

"Eh? We'll get wet!"

"I know, but I want to watch the dolphins from as close as possible."

With a wry but gentle smile, she follows me to the first row and takes a seat.

"By the way, Fumi, I told you why I like jellyfish, but what's your reason for liking dolphins?"

"Hm... because they're adorable."

"That's all?"

"No, apart from that..."

Before I can continue, the woman in charge of the show begins the narration, starting with a brief explanation on the ecology of dolphins (where their nose is, that they hear sounds through their bones, etc.).

And then the show begins.

As several dolphins leap into the air to greet us, I am already enchanted.

They are pretty big when you actually see them — their jumps are spectacular and cause the children in the audience to shout in joy. They look so majestic yet adorable.

As they land again, water spills toward us. I instinctively shrink back. While it doesn't reach my clothes, my shoes get slightly wet.

Awesome! That's just awesome! Dolphins are great!

During the show, they jumped through rings, returned balls the woman had thrown to them, and swam around in circles... in a nutshell, it was awesome and I was absorbed.

"Dolphins sure are intelligent..." Reina suddenly says.

"Totally!" I respond immediately.

"Hahaha, you really love them, don't you? Is their smartness also a reason why—"

"Yeah!"

The show reaches the climax, which features a trick where three dolphins have to simultaneously jump over a stick that is set up at an extremely high position.

"And you know, dolphins send out ultrasonic waves and determine the position of objects through the reflected waves!"

"Just like bats."

"Hmm... I don't want to think of them in the same category, but yeah."

The dolphins ready themselves to the woman's signal.

Are they able to jump so high? Well, they wouldn't be doing this if they couldn't, but I'm afraid that one of them might not make it.

I hold my breath.

The dolphins stand side by side (can you say that in this case?) and — jump.

"Whoa!"

It was a feast for the eyes.

With a grand splash, the three dolphins land in the water, raising a few large waves.

"Incredible..." I say in blank astonishment.

Looking at the wavy pool, I arrive at the thought that dolphins might be the cause for the never-ceasing waves of the sea.

"Hey, Fumi? Dolphins can communicate through sounds, right?"

"Yeah. Although it's unknown how sophisticated their conversations are. I for one believe that their communication skills are just as high as ours."

"I see... that would be nice."

"Mm! Actually, another reason why I love dolphins is because they can communicate with one another!"

"Oh, nice."

The show ends and the visitors start to leave while the dolphins are bidding them farewell by swimming around and doing individual performances.

"You know, when I learned that dolphins can communicate through sounds, I was jealous of them," I murmur while watching their performance.

"...jealous?" Reina asks puzzledly, tilting her head to the side.

"..."

I waver if I should explain it to her. If I continue, I will spoil the joyful mood.

"I think that communication through words is too complicated for me."

But I don't want to have secrets from Reina.

"Fumi..."

"I'm sure that even I would have been able to get friends if we had other ways of communicating..."

"You have me, Fumi!"

"...Mm."

These words of hers are enough for me.

"But you know, lately I've come to think that..."

"Hm?"

"I think that I might have become 'like that'."

"...'like that'?"

Unable to answer her, I look at the dolphins again, which are busy showing their performances. One of them is waving us goodbye with its fin.

I wave back.

And that's what I mean.

I am waving my hand because I freely interpret the dolphin's waving his fin as "goodbye." Our actions aren't in line at all.

Right, as deplorable as it is, I can't talk with dolphins.

But that isn't limited to dolphins.

My language has become different from everyone else's, and that's why I can't get through to anyone. My words don't reach anyone.

Except for Reina.

My way of communication has become different. And that's why I'm getting disconnected and disappearing.

We leave the aquarium, which is in the center of an aquatic park. I walk up to a bench and sit down. Reina sits down next to me.

"Reina? Would you..."

Reina looks at me when I suddenly start to talk.

"Would you be okay if we were the only humans on earth?"

I look around. There's no one nearby apart from Reina, which isn't that surprising for a workday afternoon. We're alone. I wouldn't be in the least concerned if the world closed up right now and we were left behind just by the two of us.

"Hm... it would be pretty troublesome because we'd have no electricity..."

"And if you think about it without such concerns?"

Reina gazes closely at my face, and answers with a smile:

"In that case, that wouldn't sound too bad."

"Really?"

"Really!"

I look at her. Aah, she isn't saying it just because. I'm happy, I really am.

After all, she's different from me! Unlike me, she is loved by a lot of people. Despite that, she would be with me.

"But you know, Reina, your mom would...be—"

—Reina's mom?

At once I get suspicious and stop.

A lot of people?

Well, there must be a lot. She's beautiful and nice, unlike me. But—

—But who are they, specifically?

"Fumi...?"

"Hey, Reina..."

"What's wrong?"

"...I've never been to your home, have I?"

"Are you sure?"

"Where do you live again? Nearby? You must be. After all, you go home together with me."

"What's wrong, Fumi? That's obvious, no?"

"Why is it then that — even though we are close friends — I haven't been to your place?"

"..." Reina remains silent.

Eh? Hold on! What's that supposed to mean?

We're best friends, no matter how you look at it, so why do I have no idea who her friends and family are, and where she lives?

"By the way, Reina—"

"Don't say it!" she cuts my question short.

"Reina...?"

"Don't go farther than that..." she says sorrowfully and averts her eyes.

There are circumstances...? I don't know what it is, but Reina has a reason not to tell me about her.

Everyone has things he doesn't want to or can't say.

But,

But—

"—That's mean!"

"...Huh?"

"Aren't we best friends? We shouldn't keep any secrets from one another! Or was I the only one who felt that way? Hm?"

"No!"

"But then!"

"It's no good, Fumi!"

"Why? I don't understand, Reina!" I shout and as I do, I notice that a tear is flowing down my cheek, which leaves Reina speechless.

Cold air pulsates between us. That... hasn't happened before. This is the first time that we've been surrounded by such a cold atmosphere.

My feelings had reached Reina. She knows that I wouldn't ever hate or make fun of her.

There is no reason to have secrets.

There should be none.

Yet—

"I can't say it," she says distinctly.

"Why would you..."

Rejection.

No, that's not it. That can't be it. Reina would never want to hurt me. It's something... it must be something that she can't say despite that.

Of course I can understand that.

But—

"Don't doubt me."

I can't help but feel that she is rejecting me.

"Uh..."

Therefore, a drop falls from my eyes.

And once I realize that it's a ''tear'', they start to overflow like a waterfall. Aah, I'm crying way too often lately! Man, I don't want to show anyone my tears. I don't want to bother anyone. But they won't stop.

I press my head against my knees as I burst out crying.

"—Fumi."

Reina's voice.

Reina's gentle voice.

"I'm sorry."

All I could perceive was my own crying voice, which is why I didn't notice what was happening.

I kept crying like an idiot, and when I raised my head—

—Reina wasn't there.

"Reina...?"

I looked and ran around searching for her.

But she was nowhere to be found.

Reina isn't anywhere anymore.

I was standing there in the wide, empty aquatic park, left behind, alone in the world.

==5==

People have erasers in their hearts.

While their efficiency differs from person to person — some of them are even incapable of erasing it all — anyone can use their eraser.

Rub, rub. Okay, away with you. You're an eyesore. Please go away. Rub, rub.

Two weeks have passed since the incident of Mizuhara-san's wallet. One week since I went to the aquarium with Reina.

Even after such a time span, no one is talking to me. Like the previous days, I'm just sitting in my seat, which isn't supposed to be here, and gazing out the window.

I have faded a lot.

Yet, they keep erasing me. Rub, rub.

Day by day, I am being erased. Bit by bit, I am fading. Rub, rub. Most of my existence has turned into eraser crumbs and gets wiped off my desk.

It's not going to get better. They have already become so used to rubbing me out that no one is having any doubts about it, let alone feelings of guilt. I'll keep being erased mechanically. If there is any human emotion involved, then it's slight irritation because their erasers get worn with use.

And Reina is still missing in this white and fading world.

Why? I'm not going to hold out like this! Reina... why did you leave me, Reina?

Why won't you appear before me? Even if you have secrets, that should be no obstacle for us!

Or do you hate me now?

Whatever it is, I want to see you!

I want to see you, I want to see you, I want to see you!

But no matter how much I beg, Reina doesn't appear.

And somewhere I know that she never will.

There is no meaning anymore.

In this classroom there is only irrelevant noise, irrelevant pictures, irrelevant classmates, and my irrelevant self.

There is no meaning anymore.

There is no meaning... in being '''here'''.

"—Goodbye," I whisper as I stand up.

The teacher is saying something. Ah, I was in the middle of having a 'lesson'?

Oh, he's angry. But I don't get what it's all about — after all, he isn't saying it for me, is he?

Oh, he's not angry anymore. But I wonder why he is looking at me like that? It's the first time someone does that, so I don't know what it means. But it looks a bit like he is scared.

I leave the classroom.

Far away behind me, the class is making a fuss, but it's irrelevant to me. Irrelevant. Completely irrelevant.

I'm sitting alone on the landing in the middle of the stairway to the roof. It's the second time since I've come here that the school building is getting noisy. What time is it? The first noise was probably the lunch break, so it must be the end of school today?

Reina. Will I ever see her again?

For some reason, I feel that I won't. I've been feeling that ever since she disappeared from me in that aquatic park. But so what? What about it? That doesn't change anything — I still need her, so much, so desperately.

Reina is all of me. Nothing remains if you take her from me. I'm empty. A wobbly lump that has no bones.

"Aah..."

What should I do? How can I meet Reina? I don't know! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?

Suddenly, I hear someone walking up the stairs.

I ready myself. It might be him — he might have come like I wanted.

"...Saito-san."

Kimura-kun appears before me.

"Kimura-kun... so you came to talk with me..."

"Yeah... I have no reasons to refuse if you call me out..."

Right. I have placed a letter into his shoe locker to call him here. Like Mizuhara-san did.

"I also brought this here with me. It was a pain to get past the eyes of the teachers," he explains as he holds out the keys to the roof.

"Mm. Thank you," I say and accept the keys from his visibly trembling hands. Perhaps, he has realized why I called him out here.

"..." he remains silent.

"Are you not going to ask...?"

"Ask what...?" he says clumsily.

"Why I had you bring me the keys to the roof."

After a few moments, he reluctantly asks, "Why?"

To tell the truth, I'm not sure how to answer him, either. Because maybe — no, for sure — my answer is going to hurt him.

But that's okay, isn't it? Kimura-kun is just as irrelevant as my other classmates, after all.

I reply: "To take revenge."

His face freezes instantly.

Oh, so I was right. Finally, I could confirm my suspicions.

"R-Revenge...?" he stutters miserably in bewilderment, and gets even more nervous because of it.

"You cut up Mizuhara-san's wallet and put it into my bag, didn't you?"

"W-Why would you say that...?" he counters, still not admitting to it, even though he knows that he can't talk himself out.

"It's okay! I don't plan to question you about it."

As a matter of fact, I really don't feel like questioning and blaming him. As I once told Reina, I was about to get into this situation anyway — Kimura-kun merely happened to be the one who pressed the switch.

My words seem to have calmed him down a bit.

"B-But... how did you find out?"

Do you really want to know? Isn't that going to be tough on you?

"...Should I answer that?"

Finally noticing the meaning of my answer, he looks down and says, "...No need to."

"Okay."

With these words, I slide the key into the lock.

There are several reasons why I suspected Kimura-kun.

My first doubts were raised when he started to converse with me after I had received the fake love letter. I was aware that Kimura-kun had no feelings for me, so I wondered why he would suddenly become so gentle.

Another clue was the general reaction when Mizuhara-san's wallet got lost. Everyone considered me the culprit right away. In other words, something led them to believe that I had a grudge against her. As far as I know, the only discord between Mizuhara-san and me is that love letter, which means that someone must have broadcast the story. But only her group and I, as well as Kimura-kun knew about it. Of course, I haven't told anyone, and Mizuhara-san and her friends didn't look like they would want to tell everyone about it, either.

But most of all, it was no one else but Kimura-kun who proposed that the culprit must have had a grudge against her. He called their attention to me in a blatant manner.

I don't know why he did that. Maybe he had a grudge against me that I don't know of, or he might have had strong feelings about Mizuhara-san and Ashizawa-kun.

But I don't really care.

His story is irrelevant to me.

I turn the key, and the door opens with a click. I tentatively turn the doorknob — yeah, seems fine.

"...What do you plan on doing on the roof, Saito-san?"

"..." I silently turn around to him.

"Saito-san...?"

I answer his question with a question.

"Hey, Kimura-kun—"

"—Do you happen to know ''Reina Kamisu''?"

Maybe I really thought that Reina would be waiting for me on the other side of the door.

This is a place that no one is allowed to enter, despite being so near. It's a place that we all know exists, yet only few have actually been there. And that's why I felt that I would find her here.

But of course, there is no sign of Reina.

I walk to the center of the roof and spin around.

Students going home, power poles established in regular intervals, the shopping district, our dirty river, another school, a house, another house — irrelevant scenery. But one thing within this irrelevant scenery — the glaring red sun hiding partly behind a building at the horizon — feels relevant to me.

The sun is about to hide on the other side, having completed its work for today, but floating there at the boundary, it feels like it's calling me.

I return to the door to lock it.

Now I'm completely alone.

I lean against the fence, and while watching the sun slowly hide its countenance, I think once more about Reina Kamisu.

Reina vanished. Yes, she vanished.

A beautiful and popular student suddenly stopped coming to school and went missing. This should have obviously been a serious incident for this Shikura middle school. It should have.

However, no one talks about it.

Of course, there is no one who would tell ''me'', but even I can perk up my ears for rumors. It's strange. Reina Kamisu does not come up anywhere at all. No one talks about such a extraordinary girl. Is that even possible?

I screwed up my courage and sneaked a peek into her class. First, I couldn't believe my eyes, then I couldn't believe my ears, and finally, I couldn't believe myself.

Her seat didn't exist. Her shoe locker didn't exist. Her name didn't exist. Nothing related to her existed.

Reina is nowhere.

And when I saw Kimura-kun's face when I asked him about Reina, I was convinced.

—Reina Kamisu vanished.

It's not simple death. She erased everything of her existence, everything related to it, and vanished. Without leaving anyone anything of herself, and completely revoking the fact that a person named Reina Kamisu has ever existed, she disappeared.

With the exception of me, her best friend.

But even I only have a few empty memories left — much like a drop of soda on the edge of an empty can. I don't remember where we met, how we became friends, or where we went apart from the aquarium. Nothing.

Those memories will soon wither as well, erasing her existence once and for all.

Reina is disappearing.

Reina, who was everything of me, is disappearing.

So—there is no reason for me to be '''here''' anymore.

I climb on the fence. It's 15cm wide, so I can stand without a problem.

I consider taking off my shoes, but I decide against it; I'm not trying to commit suicide or anything.

I'm merely going to see Reina.

Of course, I can't be sure if can meet her like that. It's just the absurd thought that if she isn't here, she must be "there." It's about as absurd as thinking that a bird can fly past the sky into the space.

But I can't think of anything else.

There is no other way, and if that's the only way, why should I not try it? There's nothing that stops me. Let me repeat that: I have no reason to be '''here''', so there is nothing that stops me.

I suddenly recall what I said to Kimura-kun.

—To take revenge.

Yeah, a petty revenge. By bringing me the keys, you got yourself involved in what is going to happen now, didn't you?

I wonder if he'll be having some pangs of remorse, even though he might not care about me?

I look down, and shrink back a little, scared of the imminent pain that I almost forgot about. That's going to hurt. Ten times... hundred times more than a syringe. But I mustn't flinch.

What is important to me? Meeting Reina. Being together with Reina.

That's all that counts. That's all...

Yes, with vigor!

Because I feel like I can get farther that way.

I take a vigorous leap.

Suddenly, the world spins and changes completely. Unable to properly grasp this unexpected world, I almost pass out.

I can only tell that it's not the place where I wanted to go. I have found myself in a tragic play.

Aah... did I fail? Did I make the wrong decision after all...?

But—

Just as I am about to give up, I realize that I've won the wager.

"Reina..."

Reina is right before my eyes.

"Reina, I missed you..."

She gives me her gentle and absurdly beautiful smile.

"Reina... tell me: where are you?"

"I am—" she answers.

"I am '''here'''. Kamisu Reina is — '''here'''."

Ah, right.

Why didn't I notice such a simple thing?

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Kamisu Reina Series|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Atsushi Kogure|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Fumi Saito

2013-09-08T10:38:01Z

MatrixM: /* 4 */

==1==

I don't have any friends.

Not because I hate talking to others, or because I'm mistrustful, or because I'm too lazy to cultivate contacts. It's not like I deliberately want to avoid making friends; put plain and simple, I'm just unable to make any.

My mom always tells me that it's no big deal, since I'm smart and my grades are good, but from my perspective ''that's'' no big deal. She doesn't know how cumbersome school is for people who can't make friends.

Just like right now: Even though it's break time and everyone's engaged in chats, I'm sitting here alone as if I were in another dimension. It gets even worse during the lunch break, when I wordlessly munch away on my lunch while all my classmates put their desks together and eat together—I always feel like a castaway on a desert island surrounded by the vast ocean.

From time to time I wonder if all the other people are just aliens wearing human disguises who are deceiving me, the last living earthling.

Ridiculous. Ridiculous, indeed, but that proves how alone I feel when I'm at school.

Because I have nothing to do between classes, I started reading books in my free time even though I don't really like doing so. Thanks to that, I've become even harder to approach and widened the gap between me and my classmates even further. It's a vicious cycle: I'm mistaken for someone who likes being alone, even though that's downright wrong. I'd love to chitchat, too! I want to chat about who's the coolest guy in our class or who my favorite member in whatever boyband is too! But I'm ignored. I'm only reluctantly approached by others when absolutely necessart.

Why am I unable to make friends? What makes me different from everyone else? Since I have nothing to do anyway, I often mull over this question.

It must be because I'm ugly. I have a lot of pimples, my eyes are small, and my nose is flat, just like my breasts. But do I really look that terrible? I don't think so. It's wrong to blame my looks, at any rate.

It's my communication skills. Right, I'm not good at talking to others. But why is that? Because I'm always cautious? Because I get nervous when I'm talked to? No, that's not all there is to it. That's just another vicious cycle that started because I don't often talk to others.

The root cause must be that... I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of being thought of as an oddball. I'm scared of spoiling the mood by making an inappropriate remark. I'm scared of others' opinions of me.

Before I know it, I'm gazing at Mizuhara-san's group in the second row by the window. Mizuhara-san is sort of the leader of this class, and as such has lots of friends. They seem to be having a lot of fun. They're really enviable.

But even among the members of such a close group, I'm sure that people could name others in the same group who they don't like. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has characteristics that might cause resentment. I, for one, have lots of them.

Therefore, it must be impossible to make friends for me.

But that's okay.

I may have no normal friends, but I do have a best friend.

I have one irreplaceable best friend—

—Reina Kamisu.

"You're too kind, Fumi, that's your problem."

That's what Reina said to me on our way home when I told her about my take on why I can't make any friends.

The smile she flashed while saying that was so stunning that I couldn't help admiring her for a few moments. Her long hair is the purest raven-black and so smooth that it's unthinkable to find any split ends, while her body is curvy like a model's, unlike my immature development.

Reina is truly beautiful. Absurdly beautiful.

"I'm kind...? I don't think so. I just don't want to be hurt."

"But isn't that what makes you kind?"

"Why so?"

"I mean, it's not like everyone else ''wants'' to be hurt, right? They don't want to be hurt, either."

"But they get along with each other."

"Yeah. Then what distinguishes you from them? Let me tell you: You're sensitive to the wounds of others. You are scared of being hurt, Fumi, but you're also scared of hurting someone."

Well, of course I don't want to hurt others randomly.

"That's why you are very kind to everyone."

"Reina..."

I'm really grateful for her words.

But I know that in truth I'm just a coward. Reina has merely put a sugar-sweet coating around the word ''coward'' before handing it to me.

But that thoughtfulness of hers makes me happy.

Aah, Reina sure is peerless. Even though she's only in the third year of middle school like me, she's so different.

"You're so lucky, Reina..."

"Mm? Why?"

"I mean... you're pretty and you're smart... I can't help thinking that God treats us unjustly."

Yeah, God is unjust. If he wasn't, Reina and I wouldn't be living in the same world. I suppose God doesn't get around to balancing out everything that he's created, and passes us around even more carelessly than workers do with products on a conveyor belt.

Everyone knows that. But I'm not mature enough yet to accept that I'm "inferior".

"That's not true! You're cute, Fumi," she responds with a kind smile, reading my mind.

"...I'm not. That sounds a bit like sarcasm if it's you, you know...?"

"Ah, that's totally mean! But Fumi... while some people like you prefer me, there are also some people who would prefer you!"

"No."

"But there are! At least there's one, right here," Reina says as she points at herself and smiles.

"But—"

"If," she interrupts me, "If for argument's sake, there were more people who prefer me over you, why should you care? Numbers don't mean anything. Or do you want to be in the spotlight like an idol?"

"That's not it."

"Then there's nothing to worry about, is there? There's at least one person right here who thinks you are irreplaceable. Or are you not satisfied with that?"

"Mmm! I couldn't wish for more!"

"...I see."

Reina puts on her kind smile again, which makes me kind of ashamed of my behavior.

Aah... I'm still such a child. Silly me. Really. I bet Reina thinks that I'm jealous of her beauty, which is actually true. I'm so filthy. Now she's lost faith in me. I'm sure.

"...Fumi, you're blaming yourself, aren't you?"

"Eh?"

"My... you really ''are'' too kind. Do you think I'd taken offense?"

"But——"

"No buts. You're being a little rude, you know?"

"Eh?"

"Fumi, you are a dear friend of mine. Someone important to me. By acting this way, it almost seems as if you didn't believe me?"

"Ah..."

"Fumi. I'm your best friend, right?"

"Of course!"

I can say this for certain.

"You're an irreplaceable friend, Reina!"

A dear friend who could never be replaced.

If Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long since have—

==2==
Another bad day starts.

The fact that I'm usually alone in the morning only makes it worse; Reina often has to go early to school because of her morning practice in the track and field club. I did once consider leaving the house at the same time as she does, but waiting in the classroom until classes begin is pretty painful as well, and most of all, I don't want to bother her, so I decided against it.

I walk alone to school and head to the shoe lockers to change into my indoor shoes.

"..."

What is this...?

''Morning!'' I hear someone say behind me (of course not to me) and hurriedly close my locker. After waiting for that student to leave, I open it again.

"Oh, eh..."

There is a letter on my indoor shoes.

I reach out, but at a loss what to do, my hand stays there until another student approaches. On the spur of the moment, I cram the letter into my bag.

Oh my, oh my... i-is this a...?

I get uncomfortable. I don't know why that is, but there are too many people here. I feel like all the people around me are watching me. Whenever a glance crosses my eyes (and I know it just crosses them and doesn't actually perceive me) I feel it piercing through me.

Nobody would care about me, I know that, but I can't help feeling that everybody keeps watching my every step.

Unable to bear the gazes any longer, I escape to the restroom, and hurry into a toilet stall, and take the letter out.

Stuffing it into my bag has left the letter slightly crumpled — sorry to the person who put it into my locker.

I unfold the letter.

"Dear Fumi Saito

I am writing this letter to you because there is something that I have been wanting to tell you.

Please wait in your classroom after school."

That's all there is.

"Ah...hah..." I gasp for air, finally noticing that I haven't breathed while reading.

What is this about? What... what is this about?

As short as it is, I can still see that, objectively, it's probably a love letter. However, it's addressed at me. A love letter addressed at me? Really? Is that possible?

"Of course it's possible!" Reina says right off the bat.

We're on break and have come to the landing of the stairs that lead to the roof. Because the roof is inaccessible, the stairs here are virtually never used by anyone, which is why we often use them when we want to discuss something in secret (although it's mostly me who has something to discuss).

"How can you be so sure?! I mean, we're talking about me here...!"

"As I told you the other day, Fumi: you are a charming girl."

I open my mouth to deny what she said, but then I reconsider, thinking back at how we went round in circles last time.

"So, how about it, Fumi?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"What's your response to that love letter?"

"Ah—"

I had completely forgotten about that because I was fixated on the fact that I'd received one. Right, I still have to respond to it.

"R-Reina, I, I don't know what to do!"

"To start with, how do you feel about that boy?"

"That boy...?"

I unfold the love letter and check again.

"Well, Fumi? How do you feel about him? Do you know each other pretty well? Or not at all, maybe?"

"—None."

"Hm?"

"There's no name."

"Let me... let me take a look."

I give Reina the letter. She inspects the piece of paper from all sides, and eventually heaves a sigh.

"You're right. There's no name."

"...You've received love letters before, right, Reina?"

"Yes, I have."

"Were there any without a name?"

"...Hm... maybe there was one, but I think it was a case where the sender was obvious. I always knew who the letter was from."

"I see..."

I reread the letter. ''"Please wait in your classroom after school"'' — a sincere request to me.

"...What are you going to do?" Reina inquires.

"Don't you know pretty well what I'm going to do, Reina?"

"...Right. Well, it's you after all!" she smiles gloomily.

"Don't... don't wait for me today after you're done with your club activities."

"Why not...?"

"..." I remain silent, unable to give her a proper answer. I don't really know why I asked her that, either. Normally, I would want her with me at such times.

Reina gives me a bright smile, "...Hey, Fumi. You've been wanting to go to the aquarium, haven't you?"

"...Yeah. I love dolphins."

"Let's go there one of these days, then!"

Why would she propose that now?

"...Mm! It's a promise!"

I knew why, and that made me happy.

Classes have ended.

I always stay at school even without receiving such a letter, because I wait for Reina's club activities to end.

Today, however, I had Reina go home herself. I'm alone—alone at waiting for the sender of that letter.

As I gaze at an open book, I ponder over who I want the letter to be from. Kado-kun, the boy who is popular in class because he's good at basketball? Mm, I would be happy. The delinquent of our class, Ashizawa-kun? He's a bit scary, but I think I would appreciate it. How about Kogure-kun, although he's a bit strange? I would probably be a bit wary of him, but still happy. And Dojima-kun, who everyone avoids because he's dirty? I wouldn't want to go out with him, but I would be happy.

It's always a nice thing to be thought of favorably.

But how would I respond when it comes to dating someone?

Right now... I have no such plans, because I don't exactly know what would be expected of me. I'm a bit scared, and I don't know how I should treat the other party.

I guess a proper couple has to kiss? But how does that feel? When do you feel like kissing? How should I react when he wants me to kiss? Would he be hurt when I refused to? I can't refuse then... I don't want to be disliked, after all.

Right. Refusal is no option.

Mm, so it doesn't matter who gave me that letter—I have to obey and ''wait in my classroom after school''.

It has become dark outside. The school is going to be closed soon.

Maybe, no one will come. Maybe, it was a joke. If it was—I would feel a bit calmer.

I stow away the book I have hardly read and just gazed at, and prepare myself for taking my leave, when suddenly, the Mizuhara group enters the classroom. They all belong to the tennis club, so I first thought they came to leave their rackets here.

However, their eyes reveal to me that there's more to it.

Mizuhara-san looks at me. "Heh, so you waited."

"Er..."

The girls around her start to giggle as they watch me getting nervous.

"Did we get your hopes up?" Mizuhara-san asks with a grin.

"Eh, um..."

What should I answer...? What answer do they expect from me?

"Probably... I did get hopes..." I answer honestly.

Suddenly, one of them laughs out loud, unable to hold it in any longer, spurring on the giggling.

"Oh come on, that's stupid! No guy would be interested in a sourpuss like you!"

"Kaho! Don't be so mean to her~!"

"But look...!"

"Well, she ''is'' pretty gullible, but that makes it clear how serious her case is, right?"

"Yeah, she's obviously not used to this kind of stuff."

Without giving me a chance to interrupt, Takatsuki-san and Omi-san keep discussing how dumb and strange I am.

I don't know what to do.

Hopes. Right, I had faint hopes that someone might like me. How stupid of me. That's absurd. Completely impossible.

Right now, there is a clear barrier between the rest of the world and me. Transparent, yet tough like tempered glass. Even though they can see me, no one attempts to read what feelings I hold behind my face. Even though they can hear me, no one attempts to understand the meaning of my words.

It's almost like my eyes perceive something entirely different from everyone else. Whenever I reach out my hands, I can only grasp air.

Alone. I'm alone.

Someone likes me? As if. No one is interested in me in the least, except maybe as someone to tease. As a topic to laugh at.

"...uh..."

Ah... I didn't want to cry... but there goes a tear. This will spoil the party. I'm sorry, but I cried, I'm really sorry.

As I expected, they start making uneasy faces.

Desperately trying not to show them my tears, I cover my eyes.

"Aah... we made her cry. Sorry, Saito-san," Mizuhara-san says gently. "But you know? We didn't mean to hurt you. How should I put it... you always avoid talking to people, no?"

No, I simply ''can't'' talk to people!

"I think that's not a good thing, so I thought that doing this, kind of like a shock treatment, might help you. I didn't mean any harm."

I wonder how much truth there is to that? Maybe that was part of the reason, but how is a fake love letter supposed to get me to speak normally? Was there no other way? Isn't that just a pretext to tease me?

"No offense! Really! ...Will you forgive me?"

However, there is something desperate in her voice that makes me nod as I still keep my eyes covered.

"Aah, thanks a lot... I'm really sorry. Okay, see you."

Once I had forgiven them, they quickly left.

...But Mizuhara-san isn't mean. She may have completely missed the mark, but she did care about me. She does take heed of me.

Yeah, she's not mean. She's not.. mean.

"What a mean bunch!"

My inner dialog is being denied. Surprised by that sudden voice, I look up.

"Ah... Kimura-kun..."

Oh no, he saw my tear-stained face. I must look horrible right now...

"Sorry! I allowed myself to overhear your little conversation," he says with an uneasy expression.

"Mmm! I-It's fine..." These words escape my lips because I want to reassure him.

"...They teased you with a fake love letter, right? That's cruel. She... Mizuhara's always like that. You could say that her hobby is to toy with the feelings of others!" Kimura-kun rants, seeming genuinely angry at her.

Is he angry for my sake? For real? If so, why?

Okay, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to calm him down?

"It's okay, Kimura-kun... I knew it was just a trick."

"You knew it was a trick?" he asks while raising an eyebrow.

"I knew that... it would end like this."

"...But why didn't you ignore the letter, then?"

"———"

I couldn't give him an answer. I have no idea how to put it into words.

"Well, whatever... anyway, if something like this happens again, be sure to let me know!"

"Eh?!"

"W-What? You don't trust me, or what?"

I shake my head furiously. It's only natural that I would get startled — after all, he doesn't profit in any way from helping me.

"You're quite the strange girl... okay, gotta go!" he says as he puts a hand on my head with a smile, after which he left. Unable to make sense of that, I just watched him baffledly.

While walking home alone, I start reflecting on the reason why I couldn't ignore the letter.

I expected the letter to be fake — because there was no name, because the paper used was not typical for boys, and most of all, because I noticed that the writer had deliberately tried to fake her handwriting.

However, what if, as unlikely as it is, the love letter had been real? In that case, ignoring it would have hurt that person. I would have betrayed that person and his sincere request ''to have me wait''. I couldn't do that. Absolutely not.

Besides, I couldn't have ignored it either way: the person who wanted to make a joke at my expense wished for me to take on the role of a fool. Had I ignored that request, I would have betrayed their expectations. I would have spoiled their fun. I would have fallen into their disfavor.

That's why I was unable to ignore the letter.

Did I make the right choice? No, I'm sure I didn't. If I were right—

—It wouldn't hurt so much.

Reina.

It hurts, Reina!

I don't want to be '''here''', it hurts!

For the first time in a long time, I have to face that thought again. That thought I always held before meeting Reina.

Right, if Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long have—died.

I have thought about dying countless times.

I'm sure there is no such thing like happy times.

Adult people lie when they speak of their supposedly happy youth. If they don't, then nostalgia must have warped their memories, because they couldn't endure the absence of hope in reality otherwise. Thinking that back in the day, everything used to be better, in order to put up with the present.

This leads to my hypothesis:

Life is and will always be hopeless. We live our pitch-dark lives as we cling to shiny shards that appear every now and then, and then we think back at those shards with a nostalgic smile on our faces. Like fools.

However, I don't have a past to take refuge. I don't have a past to romanticize in my mind when I lose hope in reality. I have no other choice but to accept that life is filled with despair from bottom to top.

Therefore, the only place I can escape to is death.

''Don't think of suicide'', people say. But is that statement backed by actual thought? You shall not kill. Of course. You shall not steal. Of course. You shall not commit suicide. Of course. The answer is so obvious that there is no place for doubt. Those statements must be perfectly true. Dazzlingly true.

You have to walk an endless muddy path that has no significance whatsoever, and you are naturally not allowed to break out. What a hopeless system.

What do you want me to do? What the hell am I supposed to do?

Someone save me! Give me hope! No, I won't be so greedy. Please someone, just notice that I'm walking this path and say a few gentle words to me...

"Fumi."

Surprised by the voice that calls out to me at the perfect moment, I raise my head.

"Reina..."

Only after speaking these words do I notice that I have been crying.

"You told me to go home, but you didn't tell me not to come meet you, right?" she smiles gently at me.

"...I can't."

Even though she understands what I mean, she gently embraces me.

"...It was painful, wasn't it?"

I can't... I just can't anymore!

I'll depend on you, Reina! I'll lean against you! I'll entrust my life to you!

"It's okay," she whispers to me. "I won't betray you."

"—!"

I clearly understand now why I had Reina go home earlier.

It's because I knew that she would comfort me. Because I knew that I would depend on her.

What is the consequence of that?

I have long lost my balance to be '''here''', and needed something to take refuge in.

Needless to say, Reina Kamisu has taken on the role of my refuge, of my shelter.

But now, because of her embrace, I have completely become dependent on her. Maybe that has already been the case for a long time, but either way, I can no longer exist without Reina.

In order to prevent that, I have sent her home.

"...Reina...I..."

"It's okay. Don't worry. I'll... take on your burden."

Her words pierce through me.

I feel how my entire body starts to melt into Reina's body. Slowly but surely, I fade into her.

Such bliss.

I realize that this is what it means to be accepted by someone.

"Uh...gh...," I moan as my tears push up. They fall onto Reina, producing small ripples. I always thought my tears would only fall to the ground, but I was wrong — they have reached Reina's heart.

I am part of Reina, and—

—Reina is everything of me.

==3==

I am changing. The liquid "Reina" is continuously being poured into the container "I", while the liquid "I" is overflowing from that container.

The container is still me, but its contents are Reina; Reina has become my essence.

I still hardly speak anything in the classroom (although Kimura-kun, whose desk is behind mine, talks to me from time to time), but I don't feel depressed anymore.

I am not alone.

That belief gives me strength. That thought I have been holding has gone somewhere far away.

I don't care about anything, as long as Reina is with me.

That's what I thought. That's what I believed.

But not in my wildest dreams did I expect that things could still get worse.

"I can't find my wallet!" Mizuhara-san screams agitatedly.

Everyone present at the homeroom after classes, our class teacher Kosugi-sensei included, focuses on her as she desperately searches for her wallet. The member of her group are watching her worriedly. For a few moments, the classroom lapses into silence, until someone checks if their own wallet is still there, and the others follow suit. I don't bring my wallet to school, but I reach into my pocket nonetheless in order not to be the odd one out.

By the time everyone has confirmed that their money is safe, Mizuhara-san is sitting still in her seat, visibly troubled. Kosugi-sensei walks toward her.

"Have you found it?"

"No..."

"Are you sure that it was there?"

"Absolutely."

"Understood," the teacher says with a frown and goes back to the teacher's desk. "All right, as you surely heard, Mizuhara has lost her wallet. Of course, this may be some sort of misunderstanding on her end, but—" he starts and explains in a ridiculously roundabout way that there is a chance that a member of this class might have stolen her wallet.

The likelihood of pickpocketing is high, considering what the missing item is. Not far in the past, there has been a fuss over a stolen mp3-player.

Mizuhara-san, convinced that it was a theft, is visibly angered, and so are the members of her group, influenced by her.

"Does anyone have a clue where her wallet might be?" the teacher asks.

The students just exchange glances. The teacher isn't expecting any answers, either — the culprit or those who know who did it wouldn't speak up right now.

Or so I thought. But I was wrong.

Kimura-kun reluctantly raises his hand.

"Kimura, do you know something?"

"No, not exactly... but there's something that bothers me."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think that it's common to take the wallet when stealing money. Normally, you would just pull out the contents, right? In fact, that's how the theft in class 5 happened."

"...Perhaps."

"Besides, it would make more sense to steal the money of all members of this class instead of only Mizuhara-san's. Yet, she's the only victim."

"What are you getting at?"

"What I want to say is that it's either a misunderstanding or a vicious joke toward Mizuhara-san."

"It's absolutely not a misunderstanding!" Mizuhara-san disagrees loudly. "Someone has played a trick on me!"

"A trick, hm? How much was in your wallet, if I may ask?"

"...1000 yen and change, but so what?" she answers grumpily.

"So it can't be because of the money, then. It looks like the goal of the culprit was teasing Mizuhara-san; and wouldn't that narrow down the list of suspects to a manageable number?" Kimura-kun says, causing everyone to exchange glances again.

That means that the culprit has a grudge against her, or at least doesn't think favorably of her?

Arriving at this thought—

—I notice that eyes are starting to focus on me.

"Huh...?"

A few students who aren't looking at me notice that a few of their classmates are focusing on me, and thus follow suit. On seeing that, yet another person gazes at me. All eyes are pinned on me.

Why? Why would they look at me?

This makes it seem like... like—

Our teacher, too, notices that I'm the center of attention, and looks at me, only to move his gaze on to Mizuhara-san. I follow his glance.

For some reason, she makes a face of realization.

"Saito," the teacher says to me in a stern voice, causing me to wince.

Just because he called my name? ...Yes, but I but I'm not so dumb as to not understand the situation. To me, this is just like a — death sentence.

"Do you know something?"

"Eh? Ah...er..."

I don't know anything! I'm innocent! But... I fail to say so properly.

"What's wrong? I have asked you a question, Saito."

But he's suspecting me.

"Uh..."

Everyone is looking at me, suspecting me — that's more than enough to make me lose my tongue, but they do not see that.

They understand it like so: I'm panicking because I've been busted, because I'm the culprit.

I'm perfectly aware of that, and I know that I must absolutely answer his question with confidence, but yet I find myself unable to do so.

"I... I..."

If someone was here who understand my personality — if Reina was here — she could explain it to them, but she's not here.

She's not here.

I don't have any supporters here.

"I don't... I don't know any—"

"Kosugi-sensei," Mizuhara-san says, cutting my desperate words short. I look at her in wonder.

There is no anger in her face anymore.

"What is it, Mizuhara?"

"I did something to Saito-san that may have made her hold a grudge against me. I... I played a trick on her. Thinking about it now... that was mean of me," she says with tears in her eyes. "But I... I did it because I thought I could help her to open herself!"

Surprised at what she said, I gaze at her. The sorrowful expression on her face isn't faked. Mizuhara-san is honest.

However, it's unclear to me whether she really tried to open my heart with that fake love letter, or just persuaded herself of that noble goal because of the situation she has found herself in.

Whatever the answer is, there is one thing that has become a fact.

Her words have settled my position.

"..."

All eyes fixed on me.

Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.

Like light projected through a loop, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

There is no suspicion in them anymore.

It's been decided.

It's been decided that I am the culprit.

"N-No, I haven—"

"It was YOU!" Takatsuki-san cuts me short. "You were pissed off, but you couldn't defend yourself because you were too scared! That's why you resorted to such a dirty trick — to vent your frustration!"

"Don't say that, Kaho. I'm... I'm also at fault..."

''Also.''

The words Mizuhara-san sobbed subliminally yet clearly implied that I'm the culprit and that she's the victim.

As a result, her words added fuel to the fire. With a fire-red head, Takatsuki-san walks toward me. Fearing to be hit, I cover my head and cower.

However, she did not come to hit me. Her goal was my bag. She picks it up, opens it, turns it upside town and pours its contents onto my desk.

And for some reason, there is an unfamiliar wallet among the things that fall on my desk. However, someone has mangled it with a cutter.

"...Saito, you are to come to the staff room afterwards."

The moment the teacher says so, uncontrollable sobbing resounds through the classroom.

Needless to say, it was Mizuhara-san.

I look around.

Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes.

Like an ice pick, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

Reina isn't '''here'''.

In other words—no one is '''here'''.

I don't have any supporters '''here'''.

The next day, my desk has disappeared.

Up until now, I have merely been air for everyone, but from now on, they won't even grant me to be air anymore.

I'm not even allowed to exist.

A missing desk in a classroom is like a missing piece in a puzzle; but in this case it's my desk that is missing. I must be the only one who feels that a piece is missing — for everyone else, the puzzle is completed.

I go to the veranda and move the desk and the chair back to their original place. Original place? Really? No, perhaps the original place where my seat is supposed to be is not in the classroom, but at the veranda.

But while that may be true... I don't want to notice.

White, everything turns white.

Everything besides Reina and me turns white.

Like a novel lacking spaces, I'm unable to make sense of the white world '''here'''. They disappear. Everything besides me flees out of reach.

Or perhaps—

I'm the one who is lacking color.

The lunch break ends without my talking to anyone.

I really haven't spoken a word, since I couldn't meet Reina, either. Not one word has been spoken for me or toward me.

People have stopped speaking to me. No, that's no news, but at least previously, there was no ill will in that.

I wasn't even allowed of the absolute minimum of conversation. Even Kimura-kun wasn't able to overcome the magnetic field around me that has emerged in class.

"..."

I was aware of it.

I was aware of it, but this makes it clear.

No one cares if I just disappeared.

The world wouldn't disappear when I disappeared. The blue sky would completely ignore me and not even let it rain. No one cares whatever happens to me. I'm absolutely separated from the rest of the world.

Again, a familiar thought assaults me.

—I... I can't endure it anymore, Reina!

Why? What have I done? I didn't want to be disliked. That's all... I just shut myself into my little box because I was afraid of getting hurt, yet why do they pierce it with spears?

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

Save me Reina, save me Reina, save me rena, savemerena.

"They're all so mean."

"—Huh?"

Reina stands before my eyes.

"'Huh'? What is it, Fumi?"

"Ah, mmm... nothing."

Classes have ended; I have caught Reina when she was about to go to her club and consulted her at our usual spot on the stairs to the roof.

Yes, that sounds perfectly natural.

Why is it then that something felt fatally off? There's no reason.

"Why would they think that you're the culprit without conclusive proof? There's no way you would do that."

"...Well, they don't know my personality. Besides, Mizuhara-san's wallet was in my bag, so it's natural that they would think that I did it."

"Yes, but Fumi... why was that wallet in your bag, anyway?"

"Because—"

I don't really want to think about it...

"...The first reason that comes to mind would be because someone is trying to set you up."

"...Yeah, most likely." Unless I have a split personality. "...Someone who hates me?"

"I... I don't think so. You're not one to make a lot of enemies... I think that someone simply thought that it would be easy to lay the blame on you."

Perhaps.

But anyway, someone hated me enough to be fine with putting the blame on me.

"That's just heartless! We have to find and teach that culprit a lesson!"

"No... no need to!"

"Why? Aren't you suffering under the current situation?"

"I am. I am, but..."

"But?"

"The problem isn't new. It's merely surfaced now..."

"That's not... I mean, you weren't particularly unpopular..."

"You think so? I'm pretty sure it was a matter of time. For example, if Mizuhara-san's position and mine had been reversed, I most likely would have ended up with the short end of the stick."

"No, you're—"

Reina is at a loss for words. When it comes to deciding who is at fault, it doesn't matter what was done, but who did it. Between a teacher and a student, the student will be the bad one; between a honor student and a delinquent, the delinquent will be the bad one; between a beautiful person and an ugly person, the ugly person will be the bad one.

And of course, between Mizuhara-san and me, I will be the bad one.

In other words, the result has been decided all along.

Smart as Reina is, she realizes that.

"...That's not true!"

Reina doesn't believe her own words, and looking at her face, she is admonishing herself for faltering.

...But there's nothing to admonish herself for, since it's a fact.

"Reina."

"Hm?"

"You're still on my side, right?"

"Of course I am!"

Good.

I have a supporter. I have a irreplaceable friend. I have Reina.

So I may still be here.

"Ah—" Reina suddenly says, so I follow her gaze.

"Um..."

Kimura-kun is standing there, seemingly feeling a bit out-of-place.

"...Kimura-kun? What's the matter?"

"Ah, yes... can you spare a minute?" he asks reluctantly.

"Y-Yeah... what is it?"

"To come straight to the point, Ashi-chan told me to call you out, because I happened to know that you're here sometimes."

"Ashi-chan?"

"I'm talking about Ashizawa-kun! Toshiki Ashizawa."

The bad-mannered Ashizawa-kun...? What would he want from me?

Whatever it is, it can't be good for me. Kimura-kun's expression makes this obvious.

"Err... is he... angry?"

"..."

He just gazes closely at me, and eventually averts his eyes.

"...He is?"

"Saito-san. It might be better if you didn't go," he mutters with eyes cast away.

...It looks like it's more serious than I thought. But if I don't go, Ashizawa-kun's aversion toward me will only grow.

I—don't want that. I don't want to be avoided even more because of a misunderstanding.

"...I'm going."

"Okay..." he says as if he was going to get a beating from Ashizawa-kun.

"Fumi," Reina addresses me in a worried tone.

"I'll be fine," I smile and wave her goodbye.

Brought to our classroom (Kimura-kun immediately left for his club), Ashizawa-kun drives me into a corner, and without any time for confusion, I am surrounded by his buddies, Takatsuki-san and the other members of the group, while a few of my other classmates are watching from a safe distance. Mizuhara-san is here as well, but watching from afar with an uneasy expression.

"Okay. Do you know what this is?" Ashizawa-kun says in an oppressive voice as he holds something against my face. It's hard to see from such a short distance, but I can recognize that it's Mizuhara-san's wallet.

"—"

I try to answer, but the words stick in my throat. Everyone is watching me closely and with blatant enmity; I feel that I'm not allowed to speak. I'm scared.

His right arm, which is right beside my head, might lose it any moment. He definitely wants to. He is angry. And the perfect target to vent his anger on is right before his eyes.

I'm scared! Why are they looking at me like that? I can't say anything! I'm not allowed to speak!

"Hey! I asked you what the fuck this is!" he yells. His right arm is twitching.

"It's a... wallet..."

"Whose wallet?"

"Mizuhara-san's..."

"Right. It's Yuu's wallet."

Yuu? Come to think of it, that's Mizuhara-san's first name.

"It's the wallet I gave her for her birthday. It's the wallet you cut up with a goddamn cutter!" he says, some of his saliva flying on my face.

Anger has made him lose more than half of his reasoning. Had I been a guy, he would have beaten me up already long ago.

"You knew that Yuu's dating Toshiki, didn't you?" Takatsuki-san says with a scary face. "And you also knew that this wallet was a present from him, right?"

I don't. I had no idea that they were a couple. Such rumors don't reach me at all.

"That's why you stole the wallet when you were pissed off, no? You can't hide it!"

No, I didn't do anything!

But I can't say that. Even if I did and explained myself, they wouldn't believe me.

"Do you get that? This isn't something you can make up for with fucking money!"

His right hand moves. I reflexively close my eyes. However, he could somehow control himself and hit the wall behind me.

I mind goes blank like white paint. I'm trembling all over.

What am I supposed to do? I'm scared! Please, don't hurt me. I haven't done anything!

"Save me..."

I mutter at last, cornered and intimidated.

"Save me..."

At first, the others seem to think that I am begging toward them, but they quickly realize that's not the case and are taken aback.

"Save me..."

I seek help. Of course, there is only one person I would seek help from.

"Save me... Reina."

I didn't want to get Reina involved, so I tried to solve the matter without her coming with me.

But I failed.

I imagine how her long hair sways as Reina appears and swiftly frees me from their claws. I have a feeling that this picture will become reality. And then she will smile at me with her absurdly beautiful face, "Everything is all right, Fumi."

—However, Reina didn't come.

That sweet illusion took me from the ground to the clouds, to the pinnacle. But at the end of the day, I keep crawling on the ground in reality. I am thrown off the pinnacle again.

"Uh...uh..."

Unable to hold it in, I start to cry.

Thrown off course by my tears, the signs for violence disappear, even though Ashizawa-kun is still visibly angered.

"What?! Do you think we'll forgive you if you cry?!" Takatsuki-san shouts as she draws near to me. "Besides, there's no one who would want to 'save' someone like ''you''!"

"But there is..."

"Who? Your mom? A teacher? They would only help you because it's their duty!"

"There is!"

"And who would that be?! Good lord, you are—"

"Reina! Reina Kamisu is there for me!" I scream. In a voice that might well have been the strongest in my entire life.

Takatsuki-san—no, everyone present—widen their eyes in response to my powerful shout. I'm surprised by myself, too, but I don't regret it.

Because that's the one thing that I will not allow anyone to disagree with me.

I do have an irreplaceable friend.

I do have Reina Kamisu.

I won't let anyone say otherwise.

Taking advantage of their confusion, I escape. I escape from ''them''. I no longer need anything. Nothing.

All I need is Reina.

As long as Reina is with me, I'm perfectly fine.

==4==
As promised, Reina and I went to the aquarium.

There are more visitors than expected for a workday, most of which are families with children and young couples around twenty years old. Probably because they are not as restricted in time.

And of course, we are the only middle schoolers around.

"Reina, are you sure you don't need to go to school?"

"It's fine, but what about you, Fumi?"

"I don't mind at all."

I'm not welcome at school, anyway. My parents won't notice that I'm skipping, either, unless they get a call from school. In fact, ditching school today has made me wonder why I haven't done this sooner.

I look through the glass into the water tank.

Pretty fishes. That's all that comes to mind. They belong to the species ''Chaetodon auripes'', but I'm going to forget that in a few seconds. Therefore, I only feel that they're pretty.

But that's fun.

"Oh, look, Fumi! Lots of jellyfish!"

"Cool."

"I love jellyfish."

"You do? Why?"

"Hm? Well... I wonder why? Maybe because... they don't look a lot like living beings?"

They don't look like living beings — now that she mentions it, she has a point. Inside an aquarium, they still feel a bit like living beings, but when they are held in a water tank at home, they're more like decoration. Decoration that shines and pulsates. When jellyfish are put into a tank in a house, their role changes from a ''living being'' to ''decoration''.

"Besides, jellyfish kind of stand out. All other fishes here are just ''fishes'', but jellyfish fell like entirely different beings. Ah, I'm not making sense, am I?"

"No, I know what you mean. You want to say that jellyfish are simply jellyfish, right?"

"Ah, yes, sort of. Jellyfish are simply jellyfish."

Jellyfish are simply jellyfish.

Looking at Reina, who is gazing into the water tank, I think:

''Reina's also like that.''

Reina Kamisu is simply Reina Kamisu.

Absurdly beautiful, completely different from everyone else, and my only supporter.

Reina notices my glance.

"...What's wrong, Fumi?" she asks.

"Mm, nothing."

She tilts her head.

"Reina... the dolphin show is starting!"

"Hm? Oh, you're right. Okay, let's hurry up."

Slightly swift-footed, walk to the stadium where the dolphin show takes place.

On the way there, we come past a tank in which a large number of fishes are herding together and keep rotating restlessly.

Don't they get tired? I don't only mean physically, but also mentally. Rotating all the time won't get them any farther, after all; they could just as well stay still from the start. If they don't want to get anywhere, is it their goal to continue doing this until they can't move anymore? Don't they feel that such a life is futile?

But the fishes keep rotating, not caring about my thoughts.

The seats at the stadium are being occupied from the back to the front.

"Let's go to the front row, Reina."

"Eh? We'll get wet!"

"I know, but I want to watch the dolphins from as close as possible."

With a wry but gentle smile, she follows me to the first row and takes a seat.

"By the way, Fumi, I told you why I like jellyfish, but what's your reason for liking dolphins?"

"Hm... because they're adorable."

"That's all?"

"No, apart from that..."

Before I can continue, the woman in charge of the show begins the narration, starting with a brief explanation on the ecology of dolphins (where their nose is, that they hear sounds through their bones, etc.).

And then the show begins.

As several dolphins leap into the air to greet us, I am already enchanted.

They are pretty big when you actually see them — their jumps are spectacular and cause the children in the audience to shout in joy. They look so majestic yet adorable.

As they land again, water spills toward us. I instinctively shrink back. While it doesn't reach my clothes, my shoes get slightly wet.

Awesome! That's just awesome! Dolphins are great!

During the show, they jumped through rings, returned balls the woman had thrown to them, and swam around in circles... in a nutshell, it was awesome and I was absorbed.

"Dolphins sure are intelligent..." Reina suddenly says.

"Totally!" I respond immediately.

"Hahaha, you really love them, don't you? Is their smartness also a reason why—"

"Yeah!"

The show reaches the climax, which features a trick where three dolphins have to simultaneously jump over a stick that is set up at an extremely high position.

"And you know, dolphins send out ultrasonic waves and determine the position of objects through the reflected waves!"

"Just like bats."

"Hmm... I don't want to think of them in the same category, but yeah."

The dolphins ready themselves to the woman's signal.

Are they able to jump so high? Well, they wouldn't be doing this if they couldn't, but I'm afraid that one of them might not make it.

I hold my breath.

The dolphins stand side by side (can you say that in this case?) and — jump.

"Whoa!"

It was a feast for the eyes.

With a grand splash, the three dolphins land in the water, raising a few large waves.

"Incredible..." I say in blank astonishment.

Looking at the wavy pool, I arrive at the thought that dolphins might be the cause for the never-ceasing waves of the sea.

"Hey, Fumi? Dolphins can communicate through sounds, right?"

"Yeah. Although it's unknown how sophisticated their conversations are. I for one believe that their communication skills are just as high as ours."

"I see... that would be nice."

"Mm! Actually, another reason why I love dolphins is because they can communicate with one another!"

"Oh, nice."

The show ends and the visitors start to leave while the dolphins are bidding them farewell by swimming around and doing individual performances.

"You know, when I learned that dolphins can communicate through sounds, I was jealous of them," I murmur while watching their performance.

"...jealous?" Reina asks puzzledly, tilting her head to the side.

"..."

I waver if I should explain it to her. If I continue, I will spoil the joyful mood.

"I think that communication through words is too complicated for me."

But I don't want to have secrets from Reina.

"Fumi..."

"I'm sure that even I would have been able to get friends if we had other ways of communicating..."

"You have me, Fumi!"

"...Mm."

These words of hers are enough for me.

"But you know, lately I've come to think that..."

"Hm?"

"I think that I might have become 'like that'."

"...'like that'?"

Unable to answer her, I look at the dolphins again, which are busy showing their performances. One of them is waving us goodbye with its fin.

I wave back.

And that's what I mean.

I am waving my hand because I freely interpret the dolphin's waving his fin as "goodbye." Our actions aren't in line at all.

Right, as deplorable as it is, I can't talk with dolphins.

But that isn't limited to dolphins.

My language has become different from everyone else's, and that's why I can't get through to anyone. My words don't reach anyone.

Except for Reina.

My way of communication has become different. And that's why I'm getting disconnected and disappearing.

We leave the aquarium, which is in the center of an aquatic park. I walk up to a bench and sit down. Reina sits down next to me.

"Reina? Would you..."

Reina looks at me when I suddenly start to talk.

"Would you be okay if we were the only humans on earth?"

I look around. There's no one nearby apart from Reina, which isn't that surprising for a workday afternoon. We're alone. I wouldn't be in the least concerned if the world closed up right now and we were left behind just by the two of us.

"Hm... it would be pretty troublesome because we'd have no electricity..."

"And if you think about it without such concerns?"

Reina gazes closely at my face, and answers with a smile:

"In that case, that wouldn't sound too bad."

"Really?"

"Really!"

I look at her. Aah, she isn't saying it just because. I'm happy, I really am.

After all, she's different from me! Unlike me, she is loved by a lot of people. Despite that, she would be with me.

"But you know, Reina, your mom would...be—"

—Reina's mom?

At once I get suspicious and stop.

A lot of people?

Well, there must be a lot. She's beautiful and nice, unlike me. But—

—But who are they, specifically?

"Fumi...?"

"Hey, Reina..."

"What's wrong?"

"...I've never been to your home, have I?"

"Are you sure?"

"Where do you live again? Nearby? You must be. After all, you go home together with me."

"What's wrong, Fumi? That's obvious, no?"

"Why is it then that — even though we are close friends — I haven't been to your place?"

"..." Reina remains silent.

Eh? Hold on! What's that supposed to mean?

We're best friends, no matter how you look at it, so why do I have no idea who her friends and family are, and where she lives?

"By the way, Reina—"

"Don't say it!" she cuts my question short.

"Reina...?"

"Don't go farther than that..." she says sorrowfully and averts her eyes.

There are circumstances...? I don't know what it is, but Reina has a reason not to tell me about her.

Everyone has things he doesn't want to or can't say.

But,

But—

"—That's mean!"

"...Huh?"

"Aren't we best friends? We shouldn't keep any secrets from one another! Or was I the only one who felt that way? Hm?"

"No!"

"But then!"

"It's no good, Fumi!"

"Why? I don't understand, Reina!" I shout and as I do, I notice that a tear is flowing down my cheek, which leaves Reina speechless.

Cold air pulsates between us. That... hasn't happened before. This is the first time that we've been surrounded by such a cold atmosphere.

My feelings had reached Reina. She knows that I wouldn't ever hate or make fun of her.

There is no reason to have secrets.

There should be none.

Yet—

"I can't say it," she says distinctly.

"Why would you..."

Rejection.

No, that's not it. That can't be it. Reina would never want to hurt me. It's something... it must be something that she can't say despite that.

Of course I can understand that.

But—

"Don't doubt me."

I can't help but feel that she is rejecting me.

"Uh..."

Therefore, a drop falls from my eyes.

And once I realize that it's a ''tear'', they start to overflow like a waterfall. Aah, I'm crying way too often lately! Man, I don't want to show anyone my tears. I don't want to bother anyone. But they won't stop.

I press my head against my knees as I burst out crying.

"—Fumi."

Reina's voice.

Reina's gentle voice.

"I'm sorry."

All I could perceive was my own crying voice, which is why I didn't notice what was happening.

I kept crying like an idiot, and when I raised my head—

—Reina wasn't there.

"Reina...?"

I looked and ran around searching for her.

But she was nowhere to be found.

Reina isn't anywhere anymore.

I was standing there in the wide, empty aquatic park, left behind, alone in the world.

==5==

People have erasers in their hearts.

While their efficiency differs from person to person — some of them are even incapable of erasing at all — anyone can use their eraser.

Rub, rub. Okay, away with you. You're an eyesore. Please go away. Rub, rub.

Two weeks have passed since the incident of Mizuhara-san's wallet. One week since I went to the aquarium with Reina.

Even after such a time span, no one is talking to me. Like on the previous days, I'm just sitting in my seat, which isn't supposed to be here, and gazing out of the window.

I have faded a lot.

Yet, they keep erasing me. Rub, rub.

Day by day, I am being erased. Bit by bit, I am fading. Rub, rub. Most of my existence has turned into eraser crumbs and gets wiped off my desk.

It's not going to get better. They have already become so used to rubbing me out that no one is having any doubts about it, let alone feelings of guilt. I'll keep being erased mechanically. If there is any human emotion involved, then it's slight irritation because their erasers get worn with use.

And Reina is still missing in this white and fading world.

Why? I'm not going to hold out like this! Reina... why did you leave me, Reina?

Why won't you appear before me? Even if you have secrets, that should be no obstacle for us!

Or do you hate me now?

Whatever it is, I want to see you!

I want to see you, I want to see you, I want to see you!

But no matter how much I beg, Reina doesn't appear.

And somewhere I know that she never will.

There is no meaning anymore.

In this classroom there is only irrelevant noise, irrelevant pictures, irrelevant classmates, and my irrelevant self.

There is no meaning anymore.

There is no meaning... in being '''here'''.

"—Goodbye," I whisper as I stand up.

The teacher is saying something. Ah, I was in the middle of having a 'lesson'?

Oh, he's angry. But I don't get what it's all about — after all, he isn't saying it for me, is he?

Oh, he's not angry anymore. But I wonder why he is looking at me like that? It's the first time someone does that, so I don't know what it means. But it looks a bit like he is scared.

I leave the classroom.

Far away behind me, the class is making a fuss, but it's irrelevant to me. Irrelevant. Completely irrelevant.

I'm sitting alone on the landing in the middle of the stairway to the roof. It's the second time since I've come here that the school building is getting noisy. What time is it? The first noise was probably the lunch break, so it must be the end of school today?

Reina. Will I ever see her again?

For some reason, I feel that I won't. I've been feeling that ever since she disappeared from me in that aquatic park. But so what? What about it? That doesn't change anything — I still need her, so much, so desperately.

Reina is all of me. Nothing remains if you take her from me. I'm empty. A wobbly lump that has no bones.

"Aah..."

What should I do? How can I meet Reina? I don't know! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?

Suddenly, I hear someone walking up the stairs.

I ready myself. It might be him — he might have come like I wanted.

"...Saito-san."

Kimura-kun appears before me.

"Kimura-kun... so you came to talk with me..."

"Yeah... I have no reasons to refuse if you call me out..."

Right. I have placed a letter into his shoe locker to call him here. Like Mizuhara-san did.

"I also brought this here with me. It was a pain to get past the eyes of the teachers," he explains as he holds out the keys to the roof.

"Mm. Thank you," I say and accept the keys from his visibly trembling hands. Perhaps, he has realized why I called him out here.

"..." he remains silent.

"Are you not going to ask...?"

"Ask what...?" he says clumsily.

"Why I had you bring me the keys to the roof."

After a few moments, he reluctantly asks, "Why?"

To tell the truth, I'm not sure how to answer him, either. Because maybe — no, for sure — my answer is going to hurt him.

But that's okay, isn't it? Kimura-kun is just as irrelevant as my other classmates, after all.

I reply: "To take revenge."

His face freezes instantly.

Oh, so I was right. Finally, I could confirm my suspicions.

"R-Revenge...?" he stutters miserably in bewilderment, and gets even more nervous because of it.

"You cut up Mizuhara-san's wallet and put it into my bag, didn't you?"

"W-Why would you say that...?" he counters, still not admitting to it, even though he knows that he can't talk himself out.

"It's okay! I don't plan to question you about it."

As a matter of fact, I really don't feel like questioning and blaming him. As I once told Reina, I was about to get into this situation anyway — Kimura-kun merely happened to be the one who pressed the switch.

My words seem to have calmed him down a bit.

"B-But... how did you find out?"

Do you really want to know? Isn't that going to be tough on you?

"...Should I answer that?"

Finally noticing the meaning of my answer, he looks down and says, "...No need to."

"Okay."

With these words, I slide the key into the lock.

There are several reasons why I suspected Kimura-kun.

My first doubts were raised when he started to converse with me after I had received the fake love letter. I was aware that Kimura-kun had no feelings for me, so I wondered why he would suddenly become so gentle.

Another clue was the general reaction when Mizuhara-san's wallet got lost. Everyone considered me the culprit right away. In other words, something led them to believe that I had a grudge against her. As far as I know, the only discord between Mizuhara-san and me is that love letter, which means that someone must have broadcast the story. But only her group and I, as well as Kimura-kun knew about it. Of course, I haven't told anyone, and Mizuhara-san and her friends didn't look like they would want to tell everyone about it, either.

But most of all, it was no one else but Kimura-kun who proposed that the culprit must have had a grudge against her. He called their attention to me in a blatant manner.

I don't know why he did that. Maybe he had a grudge against me that I don't know of, or he might have had strong feelings about Mizuhara-san and Ashizawa-kun.

But I don't really care.

His story is irrelevant to me.

I turn the key, and the door opens with a click. I tentatively turn the doorknob — yeah, seems fine.

"...What do you plan on doing on the roof, Saito-san?"

"..." I silently turn around to him.

"Saito-san...?"

I answer his question with a question.

"Hey, Kimura-kun—"

"—Do you happen to know ''Reina Kamisu''?"

Maybe I really thought that Reina would be waiting for me on the other side of the door.

This is a place that no one is allowed to enter, despite being so near. It's a place that we all know exists, yet only few have actually been there. And that's why I felt that I would find her here.

But of course, there is no sign of Reina.

I walk to the center of the roof and spin around.

Students going home, power poles established in regular intervals, the shopping district, our dirty river, another school, a house, another house — irrelevant scenery. But one thing within this irrelevant scenery — the glaring red sun hiding partly behind a building at the horizon — feels relevant to me.

The sun is about to hide on the other side, having completed its work for today, but floating there at the boundary, it feels like it's calling me.

I return to the door to lock it.

Now I'm completely alone.

I lean against the fence, and while watching the sun slowly hide its countenance, I think once more about Reina Kamisu.

Reina vanished. Yes, she vanished.

A beautiful and popular student suddenly stopped coming to school and went missing. This should have obviously been a serious incident for this Shikura middle school. It should have.

However, no one talks about it.

Of course, there is no one who would tell ''me'', but even I can perk up my ears for rumors. It's strange. Reina Kamisu does not come up anywhere at all. No one talks about such a extraordinary girl. Is that even possible?

I screwed up my courage and sneaked a peek into her class. First, I couldn't believe my eyes, then I couldn't believe my ears, and finally, I couldn't believe myself.

Her seat didn't exist. Her shoe locker didn't exist. Her name didn't exist. Nothing related to her existed.

Reina is nowhere.

And when I saw Kimura-kun's face when I asked him about Reina, I was convinced.

—Reina Kamisu vanished.

It's not simple death. She erased everything of her existence, everything related to it, and vanished. Without leaving anyone anything of herself, and completely revoking the fact that a person named Reina Kamisu has ever existed, she disappeared.

With the exception of me, her best friend.

But even I only have a few empty memories left — much like a drop of soda on the edge of an empty can. I don't remember where we met, how we became friends, or where we went apart from the aquarium. Nothing.

Those memories will soon wither as well, erasing her existence once and for all.

Reina is disappearing.

Reina, who was everything of me, is disappearing.

So—there is no reason for me to be '''here''' anymore.

I climb on the fence. It's 15cm wide, so I can stand without a problem.

I consider taking off my shoes, but I decide against it; I'm not trying to commit suicide or anything.

I'm merely going to see Reina.

Of course, I can't be sure if can meet her like that. It's just the absurd thought that if she isn't here, she must be "there." It's about as absurd as thinking that a bird can fly past the sky into the space.

But I can't think of anything else.

There is no other way, and if that's the only way, why should I not try it? There's nothing that stops me. Let me repeat that: I have no reason to be '''here''', so there is nothing that stops me.

I suddenly recall what I said to Kimura-kun.

—To take revenge.

Yeah, a petty revenge. By bringing me the keys, you got yourself involved in what is going to happen now, didn't you?

I wonder if he'll be having some pangs of remorse, even though he might not care about me?

I look down, and shrink back a little, scared of the imminent pain that I almost forgot about. That's going to hurt. Ten times... hundred times more than a syringe. But I mustn't flinch.

What is important to me? Meeting Reina. Being together with Reina.

That's all that counts. That's all...

Yes, with vigor!

Because I feel like I can get farther that way.

I take a vigorous leap.

Suddenly, the world spins and changes completely. Unable to properly grasp this unexpected world, I almost pass out.

I can only tell that it's not the place where I wanted to go. I have found myself in a tragic play.

Aah... did I fail? Did I make the wrong decision after all...?

But—

Just as I am about to give up, I realize that I've won the wager.

"Reina..."

Reina is right before my eyes.

"Reina, I missed you..."

She gives me her gentle and absurdly beautiful smile.

"Reina... tell me: where are you?"

"I am—" she answers.

"I am '''here'''. Kamisu Reina is — '''here'''."

Ah, right.

Why didn't I notice such a simple thing?

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Kamisu Reina Series|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Atsushi Kogure|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Fumi Saito

2013-09-08T10:29:34Z

MatrixM: /* 3 */

==1==

I don't have any friends.

Not because I hate talking to others, or because I'm mistrustful, or because I'm too lazy to cultivate contacts. It's not like I deliberately want to avoid making friends; put plain and simple, I'm just unable to make any.

My mom always tells me that it's no big deal, since I'm smart and my grades are good, but from my perspective ''that's'' no big deal. She doesn't know how cumbersome school is for people who can't make friends.

Just like right now: Even though it's break time and everyone's engaged in chats, I'm sitting here alone as if I were in another dimension. It gets even worse during the lunch break, when I wordlessly munch away on my lunch while all my classmates put their desks together and eat together—I always feel like a castaway on a desert island surrounded by the vast ocean.

From time to time I wonder if all the other people are just aliens wearing human disguises who are deceiving me, the last living earthling.

Ridiculous. Ridiculous, indeed, but that proves how alone I feel when I'm at school.

Because I have nothing to do between classes, I started reading books in my free time even though I don't really like doing so. Thanks to that, I've become even harder to approach and widened the gap between me and my classmates even further. It's a vicious cycle: I'm mistaken for someone who likes being alone, even though that's downright wrong. I'd love to chitchat, too! I want to chat about who's the coolest guy in our class or who my favorite member in whatever boyband is too! But I'm ignored. I'm only reluctantly approached by others when absolutely necessart.

Why am I unable to make friends? What makes me different from everyone else? Since I have nothing to do anyway, I often mull over this question.

It must be because I'm ugly. I have a lot of pimples, my eyes are small, and my nose is flat, just like my breasts. But do I really look that terrible? I don't think so. It's wrong to blame my looks, at any rate.

It's my communication skills. Right, I'm not good at talking to others. But why is that? Because I'm always cautious? Because I get nervous when I'm talked to? No, that's not all there is to it. That's just another vicious cycle that started because I don't often talk to others.

The root cause must be that... I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of being thought of as an oddball. I'm scared of spoiling the mood by making an inappropriate remark. I'm scared of others' opinions of me.

Before I know it, I'm gazing at Mizuhara-san's group in the second row by the window. Mizuhara-san is sort of the leader of this class, and as such has lots of friends. They seem to be having a lot of fun. They're really enviable.

But even among the members of such a close group, I'm sure that people could name others in the same group who they don't like. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has characteristics that might cause resentment. I, for one, have lots of them.

Therefore, it must be impossible to make friends for me.

But that's okay.

I may have no normal friends, but I do have a best friend.

I have one irreplaceable best friend—

—Reina Kamisu.

"You're too kind, Fumi, that's your problem."

That's what Reina said to me on our way home when I told her about my take on why I can't make any friends.

The smile she flashed while saying that was so stunning that I couldn't help admiring her for a few moments. Her long hair is the purest raven-black and so smooth that it's unthinkable to find any split ends, while her body is curvy like a model's, unlike my immature development.

Reina is truly beautiful. Absurdly beautiful.

"I'm kind...? I don't think so. I just don't want to be hurt."

"But isn't that what makes you kind?"

"Why so?"

"I mean, it's not like everyone else ''wants'' to be hurt, right? They don't want to be hurt, either."

"But they get along with each other."

"Yeah. Then what distinguishes you from them? Let me tell you: You're sensitive to the wounds of others. You are scared of being hurt, Fumi, but you're also scared of hurting someone."

Well, of course I don't want to hurt others randomly.

"That's why you are very kind to everyone."

"Reina..."

I'm really grateful for her words.

But I know that in truth I'm just a coward. Reina has merely put a sugar-sweet coating around the word ''coward'' before handing it to me.

But that thoughtfulness of hers makes me happy.

Aah, Reina sure is peerless. Even though she's only in the third year of middle school like me, she's so different.

"You're so lucky, Reina..."

"Mm? Why?"

"I mean... you're pretty and you're smart... I can't help thinking that God treats us unjustly."

Yeah, God is unjust. If he wasn't, Reina and I wouldn't be living in the same world. I suppose God doesn't get around to balancing out everything that he's created, and passes us around even more carelessly than workers do with products on a conveyor belt.

Everyone knows that. But I'm not mature enough yet to accept that I'm "inferior".

"That's not true! You're cute, Fumi," she responds with a kind smile, reading my mind.

"...I'm not. That sounds a bit like sarcasm if it's you, you know...?"

"Ah, that's totally mean! But Fumi... while some people like you prefer me, there are also some people who would prefer you!"

"No."

"But there are! At least there's one, right here," Reina says as she points at herself and smiles.

"But—"

"If," she interrupts me, "If for argument's sake, there were more people who prefer me over you, why should you care? Numbers don't mean anything. Or do you want to be in the spotlight like an idol?"

"That's not it."

"Then there's nothing to worry about, is there? There's at least one person right here who thinks you are irreplaceable. Or are you not satisfied with that?"

"Mmm! I couldn't wish for more!"

"...I see."

Reina puts on her kind smile again, which makes me kind of ashamed of my behavior.

Aah... I'm still such a child. Silly me. Really. I bet Reina thinks that I'm jealous of her beauty, which is actually true. I'm so filthy. Now she's lost faith in me. I'm sure.

"...Fumi, you're blaming yourself, aren't you?"

"Eh?"

"My... you really ''are'' too kind. Do you think I'd taken offense?"

"But——"

"No buts. You're being a little rude, you know?"

"Eh?"

"Fumi, you are a dear friend of mine. Someone important to me. By acting this way, it almost seems as if you didn't believe me?"

"Ah..."

"Fumi. I'm your best friend, right?"

"Of course!"

I can say this for certain.

"You're an irreplaceable friend, Reina!"

A dear friend who could never be replaced.

If Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long since have—

==2==
Another bad day starts.

The fact that I'm usually alone in the morning only makes it worse; Reina often has to go early to school because of her morning practice in the track and field club. I did once consider leaving the house at the same time as she does, but waiting in the classroom until classes begin is pretty painful as well, and most of all, I don't want to bother her, so I decided against it.

I walk alone to school and head to the shoe lockers to change into my indoor shoes.

"..."

What is this...?

''Morning!'' I hear someone say behind me (of course not to me) and hurriedly close my locker. After waiting for that student to leave, I open it again.

"Oh, eh..."

There is a letter on my indoor shoes.

I reach out, but at a loss what to do, my hand stays there until another student approaches. On the spur of the moment, I cram the letter into my bag.

Oh my, oh my... i-is this a...?

I get uncomfortable. I don't know why that is, but there are too many people here. I feel like all the people around me are watching me. Whenever a glance crosses my eyes (and I know it just crosses them and doesn't actually perceive me) I feel it piercing through me.

Nobody would care about me, I know that, but I can't help feeling that everybody keeps watching my every step.

Unable to bear the gazes any longer, I escape to the restroom, and hurry into a toilet stall, and take the letter out.

Stuffing it into my bag has left the letter slightly crumpled — sorry to the person who put it into my locker.

I unfold the letter.

"Dear Fumi Saito

I am writing this letter to you because there is something that I have been wanting to tell you.

Please wait in your classroom after school."

That's all there is.

"Ah...hah..." I gasp for air, finally noticing that I haven't breathed while reading.

What is this about? What... what is this about?

As short as it is, I can still see that, objectively, it's probably a love letter. However, it's addressed at me. A love letter addressed at me? Really? Is that possible?

"Of course it's possible!" Reina says right off the bat.

We're on break and have come to the landing of the stairs that lead to the roof. Because the roof is inaccessible, the stairs here are virtually never used by anyone, which is why we often use them when we want to discuss something in secret (although it's mostly me who has something to discuss).

"How can you be so sure?! I mean, we're talking about me here...!"

"As I told you the other day, Fumi: you are a charming girl."

I open my mouth to deny what she said, but then I reconsider, thinking back at how we went round in circles last time.

"So, how about it, Fumi?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"What's your response to that love letter?"

"Ah—"

I had completely forgotten about that because I was fixated on the fact that I'd received one. Right, I still have to respond to it.

"R-Reina, I, I don't know what to do!"

"To start with, how do you feel about that boy?"

"That boy...?"

I unfold the love letter and check again.

"Well, Fumi? How do you feel about him? Do you know each other pretty well? Or not at all, maybe?"

"—None."

"Hm?"

"There's no name."

"Let me... let me take a look."

I give Reina the letter. She inspects the piece of paper from all sides, and eventually heaves a sigh.

"You're right. There's no name."

"...You've received love letters before, right, Reina?"

"Yes, I have."

"Were there any without a name?"

"...Hm... maybe there was one, but I think it was a case where the sender was obvious. I always knew who the letter was from."

"I see..."

I reread the letter. ''"Please wait in your classroom after school"'' — a sincere request to me.

"...What are you going to do?" Reina inquires.

"Don't you know pretty well what I'm going to do, Reina?"

"...Right. Well, it's you after all!" she smiles gloomily.

"Don't... don't wait for me today after you're done with your club activities."

"Why not...?"

"..." I remain silent, unable to give her a proper answer. I don't really know why I asked her that, either. Normally, I would want her with me at such times.

Reina gives me a bright smile, "...Hey, Fumi. You've been wanting to go to the aquarium, haven't you?"

"...Yeah. I love dolphins."

"Let's go there one of these days, then!"

Why would she propose that now?

"...Mm! It's a promise!"

I knew why, and that made me happy.

Classes have ended.

I always stay at school even without receiving such a letter, because I wait for Reina's club activities to end.

Today, however, I had Reina go home herself. I'm alone—alone at waiting for the sender of that letter.

As I gaze at an open book, I ponder over who I want the letter to be from. Kado-kun, the boy who is popular in class because he's good at basketball? Mm, I would be happy. The delinquent of our class, Ashizawa-kun? He's a bit scary, but I think I would appreciate it. How about Kogure-kun, although he's a bit strange? I would probably be a bit wary of him, but still happy. And Dojima-kun, who everyone avoids because he's dirty? I wouldn't want to go out with him, but I would be happy.

It's always a nice thing to be thought of favorably.

But how would I respond when it comes to dating someone?

Right now... I have no such plans, because I don't exactly know what would be expected of me. I'm a bit scared, and I don't know how I should treat the other party.

I guess a proper couple has to kiss? But how does that feel? When do you feel like kissing? How should I react when he wants me to kiss? Would he be hurt when I refused to? I can't refuse then... I don't want to be disliked, after all.

Right. Refusal is no option.

Mm, so it doesn't matter who gave me that letter—I have to obey and ''wait in my classroom after school''.

It has become dark outside. The school is going to be closed soon.

Maybe, no one will come. Maybe, it was a joke. If it was—I would feel a bit calmer.

I stow away the book I have hardly read and just gazed at, and prepare myself for taking my leave, when suddenly, the Mizuhara group enters the classroom. They all belong to the tennis club, so I first thought they came to leave their rackets here.

However, their eyes reveal to me that there's more to it.

Mizuhara-san looks at me. "Heh, so you waited."

"Er..."

The girls around her start to giggle as they watch me getting nervous.

"Did we get your hopes up?" Mizuhara-san asks with a grin.

"Eh, um..."

What should I answer...? What answer do they expect from me?

"Probably... I did get hopes..." I answer honestly.

Suddenly, one of them laughs out loud, unable to hold it in any longer, spurring on the giggling.

"Oh come on, that's stupid! No guy would be interested in a sourpuss like you!"

"Kaho! Don't be so mean to her~!"

"But look...!"

"Well, she ''is'' pretty gullible, but that makes it clear how serious her case is, right?"

"Yeah, she's obviously not used to this kind of stuff."

Without giving me a chance to interrupt, Takatsuki-san and Omi-san keep discussing how dumb and strange I am.

I don't know what to do.

Hopes. Right, I had faint hopes that someone might like me. How stupid of me. That's absurd. Completely impossible.

Right now, there is a clear barrier between the rest of the world and me. Transparent, yet tough like tempered glass. Even though they can see me, no one attempts to read what feelings I hold behind my face. Even though they can hear me, no one attempts to understand the meaning of my words.

It's almost like my eyes perceive something entirely different from everyone else. Whenever I reach out my hands, I can only grasp air.

Alone. I'm alone.

Someone likes me? As if. No one is interested in me in the least, except maybe as someone to tease. As a topic to laugh at.

"...uh..."

Ah... I didn't want to cry... but there goes a tear. This will spoil the party. I'm sorry, but I cried, I'm really sorry.

As I expected, they start making uneasy faces.

Desperately trying not to show them my tears, I cover my eyes.

"Aah... we made her cry. Sorry, Saito-san," Mizuhara-san says gently. "But you know? We didn't mean to hurt you. How should I put it... you always avoid talking to people, no?"

No, I simply ''can't'' talk to people!

"I think that's not a good thing, so I thought that doing this, kind of like a shock treatment, might help you. I didn't mean any harm."

I wonder how much truth there is to that? Maybe that was part of the reason, but how is a fake love letter supposed to get me to speak normally? Was there no other way? Isn't that just a pretext to tease me?

"No offense! Really! ...Will you forgive me?"

However, there is something desperate in her voice that makes me nod as I still keep my eyes covered.

"Aah, thanks a lot... I'm really sorry. Okay, see you."

Once I had forgiven them, they quickly left.

...But Mizuhara-san isn't mean. She may have completely missed the mark, but she did care about me. She does take heed of me.

Yeah, she's not mean. She's not.. mean.

"What a mean bunch!"

My inner dialog is being denied. Surprised by that sudden voice, I look up.

"Ah... Kimura-kun..."

Oh no, he saw my tear-stained face. I must look horrible right now...

"Sorry! I allowed myself to overhear your little conversation," he says with an uneasy expression.

"Mmm! I-It's fine..." These words escape my lips because I want to reassure him.

"...They teased you with a fake love letter, right? That's cruel. She... Mizuhara's always like that. You could say that her hobby is to toy with the feelings of others!" Kimura-kun rants, seeming genuinely angry at her.

Is he angry for my sake? For real? If so, why?

Okay, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to calm him down?

"It's okay, Kimura-kun... I knew it was just a trick."

"You knew it was a trick?" he asks while raising an eyebrow.

"I knew that... it would end like this."

"...But why didn't you ignore the letter, then?"

"———"

I couldn't give him an answer. I have no idea how to put it into words.

"Well, whatever... anyway, if something like this happens again, be sure to let me know!"

"Eh?!"

"W-What? You don't trust me, or what?"

I shake my head furiously. It's only natural that I would get startled — after all, he doesn't profit in any way from helping me.

"You're quite the strange girl... okay, gotta go!" he says as he puts a hand on my head with a smile, after which he left. Unable to make sense of that, I just watched him baffledly.

While walking home alone, I start reflecting on the reason why I couldn't ignore the letter.

I expected the letter to be fake — because there was no name, because the paper used was not typical for boys, and most of all, because I noticed that the writer had deliberately tried to fake her handwriting.

However, what if, as unlikely as it is, the love letter had been real? In that case, ignoring it would have hurt that person. I would have betrayed that person and his sincere request ''to have me wait''. I couldn't do that. Absolutely not.

Besides, I couldn't have ignored it either way: the person who wanted to make a joke at my expense wished for me to take on the role of a fool. Had I ignored that request, I would have betrayed their expectations. I would have spoiled their fun. I would have fallen into their disfavor.

That's why I was unable to ignore the letter.

Did I make the right choice? No, I'm sure I didn't. If I were right—

—It wouldn't hurt so much.

Reina.

It hurts, Reina!

I don't want to be '''here''', it hurts!

For the first time in a long time, I have to face that thought again. That thought I always held before meeting Reina.

Right, if Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long have—died.

I have thought about dying countless times.

I'm sure there is no such thing like happy times.

Adult people lie when they speak of their supposedly happy youth. If they don't, then nostalgia must have warped their memories, because they couldn't endure the absence of hope in reality otherwise. Thinking that back in the day, everything used to be better, in order to put up with the present.

This leads to my hypothesis:

Life is and will always be hopeless. We live our pitch-dark lives as we cling to shiny shards that appear every now and then, and then we think back at those shards with a nostalgic smile on our faces. Like fools.

However, I don't have a past to take refuge. I don't have a past to romanticize in my mind when I lose hope in reality. I have no other choice but to accept that life is filled with despair from bottom to top.

Therefore, the only place I can escape to is death.

''Don't think of suicide'', people say. But is that statement backed by actual thought? You shall not kill. Of course. You shall not steal. Of course. You shall not commit suicide. Of course. The answer is so obvious that there is no place for doubt. Those statements must be perfectly true. Dazzlingly true.

You have to walk an endless muddy path that has no significance whatsoever, and you are naturally not allowed to break out. What a hopeless system.

What do you want me to do? What the hell am I supposed to do?

Someone save me! Give me hope! No, I won't be so greedy. Please someone, just notice that I'm walking this path and say a few gentle words to me...

"Fumi."

Surprised by the voice that calls out to me at the perfect moment, I raise my head.

"Reina..."

Only after speaking these words do I notice that I have been crying.

"You told me to go home, but you didn't tell me not to come meet you, right?" she smiles gently at me.

"...I can't."

Even though she understands what I mean, she gently embraces me.

"...It was painful, wasn't it?"

I can't... I just can't anymore!

I'll depend on you, Reina! I'll lean against you! I'll entrust my life to you!

"It's okay," she whispers to me. "I won't betray you."

"—!"

I clearly understand now why I had Reina go home earlier.

It's because I knew that she would comfort me. Because I knew that I would depend on her.

What is the consequence of that?

I have long lost my balance to be '''here''', and needed something to take refuge in.

Needless to say, Reina Kamisu has taken on the role of my refuge, of my shelter.

But now, because of her embrace, I have completely become dependent on her. Maybe that has already been the case for a long time, but either way, I can no longer exist without Reina.

In order to prevent that, I have sent her home.

"...Reina...I..."

"It's okay. Don't worry. I'll... take on your burden."

Her words pierce through me.

I feel how my entire body starts to melt into Reina's body. Slowly but surely, I fade into her.

Such bliss.

I realize that this is what it means to be accepted by someone.

"Uh...gh...," I moan as my tears push up. They fall onto Reina, producing small ripples. I always thought my tears would only fall to the ground, but I was wrong — they have reached Reina's heart.

I am part of Reina, and—

—Reina is everything of me.

==3==

I am changing. The liquid "Reina" is continuously being poured into the container "I", while the liquid "I" is overflowing from that container.

The container is still me, but its contents are Reina; Reina has become my essence.

I still hardly speak anything in the classroom (although Kimura-kun, whose desk is behind mine, talks to me from time to time), but I don't feel depressed anymore.

I am not alone.

That belief gives me strength. That thought I have been holding has gone somewhere far away.

I don't care about anything, as long as Reina is with me.

That's what I thought. That's what I believed.

But not in my wildest dreams did I expect that things could still get worse.

"I can't find my wallet!" Mizuhara-san screams agitatedly.

Everyone present at the homeroom after classes, our class teacher Kosugi-sensei included, focuses on her as she desperately searches for her wallet. The member of her group are watching her worriedly. For a few moments, the classroom lapses into silence, until someone checks if their own wallet is still there, and the others follow suit. I don't bring my wallet to school, but I reach into my pocket nonetheless in order not to be the odd one out.

By the time everyone has confirmed that their money is safe, Mizuhara-san is sitting still in her seat, visibly troubled. Kosugi-sensei walks toward her.

"Have you found it?"

"No..."

"Are you sure that it was there?"

"Absolutely."

"Understood," the teacher says with a frown and goes back to the teacher's desk. "All right, as you surely heard, Mizuhara has lost her wallet. Of course, this may be some sort of misunderstanding on her end, but—" he starts and explains in a ridiculously roundabout way that there is a chance that a member of this class might have stolen her wallet.

The likelihood of pickpocketing is high, considering what the missing item is. Not far in the past, there has been a fuss over a stolen mp3-player.

Mizuhara-san, convinced that it was a theft, is visibly angered, and so are the members of her group, influenced by her.

"Does anyone have a clue where her wallet might be?" the teacher asks.

The students just exchange glances. The teacher isn't expecting any answers, either — the culprit or those who know who did it wouldn't speak up right now.

Or so I thought. But I was wrong.

Kimura-kun reluctantly raises his hand.

"Kimura, do you know something?"

"No, not exactly... but there's something that bothers me."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think that it's common to take the wallet when stealing money. Normally, you would just pull out the contents, right? In fact, that's how the theft in class 5 happened."

"...Perhaps."

"Besides, it would make more sense to steal the money of all members of this class instead of only Mizuhara-san's. Yet, she's the only victim."

"What are you getting at?"

"What I want to say is that it's either a misunderstanding or a vicious joke toward Mizuhara-san."

"It's absolutely not a misunderstanding!" Mizuhara-san disagrees loudly. "Someone has played a trick on me!"

"A trick, hm? How much was in your wallet, if I may ask?"

"...1000 yen and change, but so what?" she answers grumpily.

"So it can't be because of the money, then. It looks like the goal of the culprit was teasing Mizuhara-san; and wouldn't that narrow down the list of suspects to a manageable number?" Kimura-kun says, causing everyone to exchange glances again.

That means that the culprit has a grudge against her, or at least doesn't think favorably of her?

Arriving at this thought—

—I notice that eyes are starting to focus on me.

"Huh...?"

A few students who aren't looking at me notice that a few of their classmates are focusing on me, and thus follow suit. On seeing that, yet another person gazes at me. All eyes are pinned on me.

Why? Why would they look at me?

This makes it seem like... like—

Our teacher, too, notices that I'm the center of attention, and looks at me, only to move his gaze on to Mizuhara-san. I follow his glance.

For some reason, she makes a face of realization.

"Saito," the teacher says to me in a stern voice, causing me to wince.

Just because he called my name? ...Yes, but I but I'm not so dumb as to not understand the situation. To me, this is just like a — death sentence.

"Do you know something?"

"Eh? Ah...er..."

I don't know anything! I'm innocent! But... I fail to say so properly.

"What's wrong? I have asked you a question, Saito."

But he's suspecting me.

"Uh..."

Everyone is looking at me, suspecting me — that's more than enough to make me lose my tongue, but they do not see that.

They understand it like so: I'm panicking because I've been busted, because I'm the culprit.

I'm perfectly aware of that, and I know that I must absolutely answer his question with confidence, but yet I find myself unable to do so.

"I... I..."

If someone was here who understand my personality — if Reina was here — she could explain it to them, but she's not here.

She's not here.

I don't have any supporters here.

"I don't... I don't know any—"

"Kosugi-sensei," Mizuhara-san says, cutting my desperate words short. I look at her in wonder.

There is no anger in her face anymore.

"What is it, Mizuhara?"

"I did something to Saito-san that may have made her hold a grudge against me. I... I played a trick on her. Thinking about it now... that was mean of me," she says with tears in her eyes. "But I... I did it because I thought I could help her to open herself!"

Surprised at what she said, I gaze at her. The sorrowful expression on her face isn't faked. Mizuhara-san is honest.

However, it's unclear to me whether she really tried to open my heart with that fake love letter, or just persuaded herself of that noble goal because of the situation she has found herself in.

Whatever the answer is, there is one thing that has become a fact.

Her words have settled my position.

"..."

All eyes fixed on me.

Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.

Like light projected through a loop, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

There is no suspicion in them anymore.

It's been decided.

It's been decided that I am the culprit.

"N-No, I haven—"

"It was YOU!" Takatsuki-san cuts me short. "You were pissed off, but you couldn't defend yourself because you were too scared! That's why you resorted to such a dirty trick — to vent your frustration!"

"Don't say that, Kaho. I'm... I'm also at fault..."

''Also.''

The words Mizuhara-san sobbed subliminally yet clearly implied that I'm the culprit and that she's the victim.

As a result, her words added fuel to the fire. With a fire-red head, Takatsuki-san walks toward me. Fearing to be hit, I cover my head and cower.

However, she did not come to hit me. Her goal was my bag. She picks it up, opens it, turns it upside town and pours its contents onto my desk.

And for some reason, there is an unfamiliar wallet among the things that fall on my desk. However, someone has mangled it with a cutter.

"...Saito, you are to come to the staff room afterwards."

The moment the teacher says so, uncontrollable sobbing resounds through the classroom.

Needless to say, it was Mizuhara-san.

I look around.

Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes.

Like an ice pick, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

Reina isn't '''here'''.

In other words—no one is '''here'''.

I don't have any supporters '''here'''.

The next day, my desk has disappeared.

Up until now, I have merely been air for everyone, but from now on, they won't even grant me to be air anymore.

I'm not even allowed to exist.

A missing desk in a classroom is like a missing piece in a puzzle; but in this case it's my desk that is missing. I must be the only one who feels that a piece is missing — for everyone else, the puzzle is completed.

I go to the veranda and move the desk and the chair back to their original place. Original place? Really? No, perhaps the original place where my seat is supposed to be is not in the classroom, but at the veranda.

But while that may be true... I don't want to notice.

White, everything turns white.

Everything besides Reina and me turns white.

Like a novel lacking spaces, I'm unable to make sense of the white world '''here'''. They disappear. Everything besides me flees out of reach.

Or perhaps—

I'm the one who is lacking color.

The lunch break ends without my talking to anyone.

I really haven't spoken a word, since I couldn't meet Reina, either. Not one word has been spoken for me or toward me.

People have stopped speaking to me. No, that's no news, but at least previously, there was no ill will in that.

I wasn't even allowed of the absolute minimum of conversation. Even Kimura-kun wasn't able to overcome the magnetic field around me that has emerged in class.

"..."

I was aware of it.

I was aware of it, but this makes it clear.

No one cares if I just disappeared.

The world wouldn't disappear when I disappeared. The blue sky would completely ignore me and not even let it rain. No one cares whatever happens to me. I'm absolutely separated from the rest of the world.

Again, a familiar thought assaults me.

—I... I can't endure it anymore, Reina!

Why? What have I done? I didn't want to be disliked. That's all... I just shut myself into my little box because I was afraid of getting hurt, yet why do they pierce it with spears?

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

Save me Reina, save me Reina, save me rena, savemerena.

"They're all so mean."

"—Huh?"

Reina stands before my eyes.

"'Huh'? What is it, Fumi?"

"Ah, mmm... nothing."

Classes have ended; I have caught Reina when she was about to go to her club and consulted her at our usual spot on the stairs to the roof.

Yes, that sounds perfectly natural.

Why is it then that something felt fatally off? There's no reason.

"Why would they think that you're the culprit without conclusive proof? There's no way you would do that."

"...Well, they don't know my personality. Besides, Mizuhara-san's wallet was in my bag, so it's natural that they would think that I did it."

"Yes, but Fumi... why was that wallet in your bag, anyway?"

"Because—"

I don't really want to think about it...

"...The first reason that comes to mind would be because someone is trying to set you up."

"...Yeah, most likely." Unless I have a split personality. "...Someone who hates me?"

"I... I don't think so. You're not one to make a lot of enemies... I think that someone simply thought that it would be easy to lay the blame on you."

Perhaps.

But anyway, someone hated me enough to be fine with putting the blame on me.

"That's just heartless! We have to find and teach that culprit a lesson!"

"No... no need to!"

"Why? Aren't you suffering under the current situation?"

"I am. I am, but..."

"But?"

"The problem isn't new. It's merely surfaced now..."

"That's not... I mean, you weren't particularly unpopular..."

"You think so? I'm pretty sure it was a matter of time. For example, if Mizuhara-san's position and mine had been reversed, I most likely would have ended up with the short end of the stick."

"No, you're—"

Reina is at a loss for words. When it comes to deciding who is at fault, it doesn't matter what was done, but who did it. Between a teacher and a student, the student will be the bad one; between a honor student and a delinquent, the delinquent will be the bad one; between a beautiful person and an ugly person, the ugly person will be the bad one.

And of course, between Mizuhara-san and me, I will be the bad one.

In other words, the result has been decided all along.

Smart as Reina is, she realizes that.

"...That's not true!"

Reina doesn't believe her own words, and looking at her face, she is admonishing herself for faltering.

...But there's nothing to admonish herself for, since it's a fact.

"Reina."

"Hm?"

"You're still on my side, right?"

"Of course I am!"

Good.

I have a supporter. I have a irreplaceable friend. I have Reina.

So I may still be here.

"Ah—" Reina suddenly says, so I follow her gaze.

"Um..."

Kimura-kun is standing there, seemingly feeling a bit out-of-place.

"...Kimura-kun? What's the matter?"

"Ah, yes... can you spare a minute?" he asks reluctantly.

"Y-Yeah... what is it?"

"To come straight to the point, Ashi-chan told me to call you out, because I happened to know that you're here sometimes."

"Ashi-chan?"

"I'm talking about Ashizawa-kun! Toshiki Ashizawa."

The bad-mannered Ashizawa-kun...? What would he want from me?

Whatever it is, it can't be good for me. Kimura-kun's expression makes this obvious.

"Err... is he... angry?"

"..."

He just gazes closely at me, and eventually averts his eyes.

"...He is?"

"Saito-san. It might be better if you didn't go," he mutters with eyes cast away.

...It looks like it's more serious than I thought. But if I don't go, Ashizawa-kun's aversion toward me will only grow.

I—don't want that. I don't want to be avoided even more because of a misunderstanding.

"...I'm going."

"Okay..." he says as if he was going to get a beating from Ashizawa-kun.

"Fumi," Reina addresses me in a worried tone.

"I'll be fine," I smile and wave her goodbye.

Brought to our classroom (Kimura-kun immediately left for his club), Ashizawa-kun drives me into a corner, and without any time for confusion, I am surrounded by his buddies, Takatsuki-san and the other members of the group, while a few of my other classmates are watching from a safe distance. Mizuhara-san is here as well, but watching from afar with an uneasy expression.

"Okay. Do you know what this is?" Ashizawa-kun says in an oppressive voice as he holds something against my face. It's hard to see from such a short distance, but I can recognize that it's Mizuhara-san's wallet.

"—"

I try to answer, but the words stick in my throat. Everyone is watching me closely and with blatant enmity; I feel that I'm not allowed to speak. I'm scared.

His right arm, which is right beside my head, might lose it any moment. He definitely wants to. He is angry. And the perfect target to vent his anger on is right before his eyes.

I'm scared! Why are they looking at me like that? I can't say anything! I'm not allowed to speak!

"Hey! I asked you what the fuck this is!" he yells. His right arm is twitching.

"It's a... wallet..."

"Whose wallet?"

"Mizuhara-san's..."

"Right. It's Yuu's wallet."

Yuu? Come to think of it, that's Mizuhara-san's first name.

"It's the wallet I gave her for her birthday. It's the wallet you cut up with a goddamn cutter!" he says, some of his saliva flying on my face.

Anger has made him lose more than half of his reasoning. Had I been a guy, he would have beaten me up already long ago.

"You knew that Yuu's dating Toshiki, didn't you?" Takatsuki-san says with a scary face. "And you also knew that this wallet was a present from him, right?"

I don't. I had no idea that they were a couple. Such rumors don't reach me at all.

"That's why you stole the wallet when you were pissed off, no? You can't hide it!"

No, I didn't do anything!

But I can't say that. Even if I did and explained myself, they wouldn't believe me.

"Do you get that? This isn't something you can make up for with fucking money!"

His right hand moves. I reflexively close my eyes. However, he could somehow control himself and hit the wall behind me.

I mind goes blank like white paint. I'm trembling all over.

What am I supposed to do? I'm scared! Please, don't hurt me. I haven't done anything!

"Save me..."

I mutter at last, cornered and intimidated.

"Save me..."

At first, the others seem to think that I am begging toward them, but they quickly realize that's not the case and are taken aback.

"Save me..."

I seek help. Of course, there is only one person I would seek help from.

"Save me... Reina."

I didn't want to get Reina involved, so I tried to solve the matter without her coming with me.

But I failed.

I imagine how her long hair sways as Reina appears and swiftly frees me from their claws. I have a feeling that this picture will become reality. And then she will smile at me with her absurdly beautiful face, "Everything is all right, Fumi."

—However, Reina didn't come.

That sweet illusion took me from the ground to the clouds, to the pinnacle. But at the end of the day, I keep crawling on the ground in reality. I am thrown off the pinnacle again.

"Uh...uh..."

Unable to hold it in, I start to cry.

Thrown off course by my tears, the signs for violence disappear, even though Ashizawa-kun is still visibly angered.

"What?! Do you think we'll forgive you if you cry?!" Takatsuki-san shouts as she draws near to me. "Besides, there's no one who would want to 'save' someone like ''you''!"

"But there is..."

"Who? Your mom? A teacher? They would only help you because it's their duty!"

"There is!"

"And who would that be?! Good lord, you are—"

"Reina! Reina Kamisu is there for me!" I scream. In a voice that might well have been the strongest in my entire life.

Takatsuki-san—no, everyone present—widen their eyes in response to my powerful shout. I'm surprised by myself, too, but I don't regret it.

Because that's the one thing that I will not allow anyone to disagree with me.

I do have an irreplaceable friend.

I do have Reina Kamisu.

I won't let anyone say otherwise.

Taking advantage of their confusion, I escape. I escape from ''them''. I no longer need anything. Nothing.

All I need is Reina.

As long as Reina is with me, I'm perfectly fine.

==4==
As promised, Reina and I went to the aquarium.

There are more visitors than expected for a workday, most of which are families with children and young couples around twenty years old. Probably because they are not as restricted in time.

And of course, we are the only middle schoolers around.

"Reina, are you sure you don't need to go to school?"

"It's fine, but what about you, Fumi?"

"I don't mind at all."

I'm not welcome at school, anyway. My parents won't notice that I'm skipping, either, unless they get a call from school. In fact, ditching school today has made me wonder why I haven't done this sooner.

I look through the glass into the water tank.

Pretty fishes. That's all that comes to mind. They belong to the species ''Chaetodon auripes'', but I'm going to forget that in a few seconds. Therefore, I only feel that they're pretty.

But that's fun.

"Oh, look, Fumi! Lots of jellyfish!"

"Cool."

"I love jellyfish."

"You do? Why?"

"Hm? Well... I wonder why? Maybe because... they don't look a lot like living beings?"

They don't look like living beings — now that she mentions it, she has a point. Inside an aquarium, they still feel a bit like living beings, but when they are held in a water tank at home, they're more like decoration. Decoration that shines and pulsates. When jellyfish are put into a tank in a house, their role changes from a ''living being'' to ''decoration''.

"Besides, jellyfish kind of stand out. All other fishes here are just ''fishes'', but jellyfish fell like entirely different beings. Ah, I'm not making sense, am I?"

"No, I know what you mean. You want to say that jellyfish are simply jellyfish, right?"

"Ah, yes, sort of. Jellyfish are simply jellyfish."

Jellyfish are simply jellyfish.

Looking at Reina, who is gazing into the water tank, I think:

''Reina's also like that.''

Reina Kamisu is simply Reina Kamisu.

Absurdly beautiful, completely different from everyone else, and my only supporter.

Reina notices my glance.

"...What's wrong, Fumi?" she asks.

"Mm, nothing."

She tilts her head.

"Reina... the dolphin show is starting!"

"Hm? Oh, you're right. Okay, let's hurry up."

Slightly swift-footed, walk to the stadium where the dolphin show takes place.

On the way there, we come past a tank in which a large number of fishes are herding together and keep rotating restlessly.

Don't they get tired? I don't only mean physically, but also mentally. Rotating all the time won't get them any farther, after all; they could just as well stay still from the start. If they don't want to get anywhere, is it their goal to continue doing this until they can't move anymore? Don't they feel that such a life is futile?

But the fishes keep rotating, not caring about my thoughts.

The seats at the stadium are being occupied from the back to the front.

"Let's go to the front row, Reina."

"Eh? We'll get wet!"

"I know, but I want to watch the dolphins from as close as possible."

With a wry but gentle smile, she follows me to the first row and takes a seat.

"By the way, Fumi, I told you why I like jellyfish, but what's your reason for liking dolphins?"

"Hm... because they're adorable."

"That's all?"

"No, apart from that..."

Before I can continue, the woman in charge of the show begins the narration, starting with a brief explanation on the ecology of dolphins (where their nose is, that they hear sounds through their bones, etc.).

And then the show begins.

As several dolphins leap into the air to greet us, I am already enchanted.

They are pretty big when you actually see them — their jumps are spectacular and cause the children in the audience to shout in joy. They look so majestic yet adorable.

As they land again, water spills toward us. I instinctively shrink back. While it doesn't reach my clothes, my shoes get slightly wet.

Awesome! That's just awesome! Dolphins are great!

During the show, they jumped through rings, returned balls the woman had thrown to them, and swam around in circles... in a nutshell, it was awesome and I was absorbed.

"Dolphins sure are intelligent..." Reina suddenly says.

"Totally!" I respond immediately.

"Hahaha, you really love them, don't you? Is their smartness also a reason why—"

"Yeah!"

The show reaches the climax, which features a trick where three dolphins have to simultaneously jump over a stick that is set up at an extremely high position.

"And you know, dolphins send out ultrasonic waves and determine the position of objects through the reflected waves!"

"Just like bats."

"Hmm... I don't want to think of them in the same category, but yeah."

The dolphins ready themselves no the signal by the woman.

Are they able to jump so high? Well, they wouldn't be doing this if they couldn't, but I'm afraid that one of them might not make it.

I hold my breath.

The dolphins stand side by side (can you say that in this case?) and — jump.

"Whoa!"

It was a feast for the eyes.

With a grand splash, the three dolphins land in the water, raising a few large waves.

"Incredible..." I say in blank astonishment.

Looking at the wavy pool, I arrive at the thought that dolphins might be the cause for the never-ceasing waves of the sea.

"Hey, Fumi? Dolphins can communicate through sounds, right?"

"Yeah. Although it's unknown how sophisticated their conversations are. I for one believe that their communication skills are just as high as ours."

"I see... that would be nice."

"Mm! Actually, another reason why I love dolphins is because they can communicate with one another!"

"Oh, nice."

The show ends and the visitors start to leave while the dolphins are bidding them farewell by swimming around and doing individual performances.

"You know, when I learned that dolphins can communicate through sounds, I was jealous of them," I murmur while watching their performance.

"...jealous?" Reina asks puzzledly, tilting her head to the side.

"..."

I waver if I should explain it to her. If I continue, I will spoil the joyful mood.

"I think that communication through words is too complicated for me."

But I don't want to have secrets from Reina.

"Fumi..."

"I'm sure that even I would have been able to get friends if we had other ways of communicating..."

"You have me, Fumi!"

"...Mm."

These words of hers are enough for me.

"But you know, lately I've come to think that..."

"Hm?"

"I think that I might have become 'like that'."

"...'like that'?"

Unable to answer her, I look at the dolphins again, which are busy showing their performances. One of them is waving us goodbye with its fin.

I wave back.

And that's what I mean.

I am waving my hand because I freely interpret the dolphin's waving his fin as "goodbye." Our actions aren't in line at all.

Right, as deplorable as it is, I can't talk with dolphins.

But that isn't limited to dolphins.

My language has become different from everyone else's, and that's why I can't get through to anyone. My words don't reach anyone.

Except for Reina.

My way of communication has become different. And that's why I'm getting disconnected and disappearing.

We leave the aquarium, which is in the center of an aquatic park. I walk up to a bench and sit down. Reina sits down next to me.

"Reina? Would you..."

Reina looks at me when I suddenly start to talk.

"Would you be okay if we were the only humans on earth?"

I look around. There's no one nearby apart from Reina, which isn't that surprising for a workday afternoon. We're alone. I wouldn't be in the least concerned if the world closed up right now and we were left behind just by the two of us.

"Hm... it would be pretty troublesome because we'd have no electricity..."

"And if you think about it without such concerns?"

Reina gazes closely at my face, and answers with a smile:

"In that case, that wouldn't sound too bad."

"Really?"

"Really!"

I look at her. Aah, she isn't saying it just because. I'm happy, I really am.

After all, she's different from me! Unlike me, she is loved by a lot of people. Despite that, she would be with me.

"But you know, Reina, your mom would...be—"

—Reina's mom?

At once I get suspicious and stop.

A lot of people?

Well, there must be a lot. She's beautiful and nice, unlike me. But—

—But who is that, in specific?

"Fumi...?"

"Hey, Reina..."

"What's wrong?"

"...I've never been at your home, have I?"

"Are you sure?"

"Where do you live again? Nearby? You must be. After all, you go home together with me."

"What's wrong, Fumi? That's obvious, no?"

"Why is it then that — even though we are close friends — I haven't been at your place?"

"..." Reina remains silent.

Eh? Hold on! What's that supposed to mean?

We're best friends, no matter how you look at it, so why do I have no idea who her friends and her family is, and where she lives?

"By the way, Reina—"

"Don't say it!" she cuts my question short.

"Reina...?"

"Don't go farther than that..." she says sorrowfully and averts her eyes.

There are circumstances...? I don't know what it is, but Reina has a reason not to tell me about her.

Everyone has things that he doesn't want or can't say.

But,

But—

"—That's mean!"

"...Huh?"

"Aren't we best friends? We shouldn't keep any secrets from one another! Or was I the only one who felt that way? Hm?"

"No!"

"But then!"

"It's no good, Fumi!"

"Why? I don't understand, Reina!" I shout and as I do, I notice that a tear is flowing down my cheek, which leaves Reina speechless.

Cold air pulsates between us. That... hasn't happened before. This is the first time that we're surrounded by such cold air.

My feelings had reached Reina. She knows that I wouldn't ever hate or make fun of her.

There is no reason to have secrets.

There should be none.

Yet—

"I can't say it," she says distinctly.

"Why would you..."

Rejection.

No, that's not it. That can't be it. Reina would never want to hurt me. It's something... it must be something that she can't say despite that.

Of course I can understand that.

But—

"Don't doubt me."

I can't help but feel that she is rejecting me.

"Uh..."

Therefore, a drop falls from my eyes.

And once I realize that it's a ''tear'', they start to overflow like a waterfall. Aah, I'm crying way too often lately! Man, I don't want to show anyone my tears. I don't want to bother anyone. But they won't stop.

I press my head against my knees as I burst out crying.

"—Fumi."

Reina's voice.

Reina's gentle voice.

"I'm sorry."

All I could perceive was my own crying voice, which is why I didn't notice what was happening.

I kept crying like an idiot, and when I raised my head—

—Reina wasn't there.

"Reina...?"

I looked and ran around searching for her.

But she was nowhere to be found.

Reina isn't anywhere anymore.

I was standing there in the wide, empty aquatic park, left behind alone in the world.

==5==

People have erasers in their hearts.

While their efficiency differs from person to person — some of them are even incapable of erasing at all — anyone can use their eraser.

Rub, rub. Okay, away with you. You're an eyesore. Please go away. Rub, rub.

Two weeks have passed since the incident of Mizuhara-san's wallet. One week since I went to the aquarium with Reina.

Even after such a time span, no one is talking to me. Like on the previous days, I'm just sitting in my seat, which isn't supposed to be here, and gazing out of the window.

I have faded a lot.

Yet, they keep erasing me. Rub, rub.

Day by day, I am being erased. Bit by bit, I am fading. Rub, rub. Most of my existence has turned into eraser crumbs and gets wiped off my desk.

It's not going to get better. They have already become so used to rubbing me out that no one is having any doubts about it, let alone feelings of guilt. I'll keep being erased mechanically. If there is any human emotion involved, then it's slight irritation because their erasers get worn with use.

And Reina is still missing in this white and fading world.

Why? I'm not going to hold out like this! Reina... why did you leave me, Reina?

Why won't you appear before me? Even if you have secrets, that should be no obstacle for us!

Or do you hate me now?

Whatever it is, I want to see you!

I want to see you, I want to see you, I want to see you!

But no matter how much I beg, Reina doesn't appear.

And somewhere I know that she never will.

There is no meaning anymore.

In this classroom there is only irrelevant noise, irrelevant pictures, irrelevant classmates, and my irrelevant self.

There is no meaning anymore.

There is no meaning... in being '''here'''.

"—Goodbye," I whisper as I stand up.

The teacher is saying something. Ah, I was in the middle of having a 'lesson'?

Oh, he's angry. But I don't get what it's all about — after all, he isn't saying it for me, is he?

Oh, he's not angry anymore. But I wonder why he is looking at me like that? It's the first time someone does that, so I don't know what it means. But it looks a bit like he is scared.

I leave the classroom.

Far away behind me, the class is making a fuss, but it's irrelevant to me. Irrelevant. Completely irrelevant.

I'm sitting alone on the landing in the middle of the stairway to the roof. It's the second time since I've come here that the school building is getting noisy. What time is it? The first noise was probably the lunch break, so it must be the end of school today?

Reina. Will I ever see her again?

For some reason, I feel that I won't. I've been feeling that ever since she disappeared from me in that aquatic park. But so what? What about it? That doesn't change anything — I still need her, so much, so desperately.

Reina is all of me. Nothing remains if you take her from me. I'm empty. A wobbly lump that has no bones.

"Aah..."

What should I do? How can I meet Reina? I don't know! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?

Suddenly, I hear someone walking up the stairs.

I ready myself. It might be him — he might have come like I wanted.

"...Saito-san."

Kimura-kun appears before me.

"Kimura-kun... so you came to talk with me..."

"Yeah... I have no reasons to refuse if you call me out..."

Right. I have placed a letter into his shoe locker to call him here. Like Mizuhara-san did.

"I also brought this here with me. It was a pain to get past the eyes of the teachers," he explains as he holds out the keys to the roof.

"Mm. Thank you," I say and accept the keys from his visibly trembling hands. Perhaps, he has realized why I called him out here.

"..." he remains silent.

"Are you not going to ask...?"

"Ask what...?" he says clumsily.

"Why I had you bring me the keys to the roof."

After a few moments, he reluctantly asks, "Why?"

To tell the truth, I'm not sure how to answer him, either. Because maybe — no, for sure — my answer is going to hurt him.

But that's okay, isn't it? Kimura-kun is just as irrelevant as my other classmates, after all.

I reply: "To take revenge."

His face freezes instantly.

Oh, so I was right. Finally, I could confirm my suspicions.

"R-Revenge...?" he stutters miserably in bewilderment, and gets even more nervous because of it.

"You cut up Mizuhara-san's wallet and put it into my bag, didn't you?"

"W-Why would you say that...?" he counters, still not admitting to it, even though he knows that he can't talk himself out.

"It's okay! I don't plan to question you about it."

As a matter of fact, I really don't feel like questioning and blaming him. As I once told Reina, I was about to get into this situation anyway — Kimura-kun merely happened to be the one who pressed the switch.

My words seem to have calmed him down a bit.

"B-But... how did you find out?"

Do you really want to know? Isn't that going to be tough on you?

"...Should I answer that?"

Finally noticing the meaning of my answer, he looks down and says, "...No need to."

"Okay."

With these words, I slide the key into the lock.

There are several reasons why I suspected Kimura-kun.

My first doubts were raised when he started to converse with me after I had received the fake love letter. I was aware that Kimura-kun had no feelings for me, so I wondered why he would suddenly become so gentle.

Another clue was the general reaction when Mizuhara-san's wallet got lost. Everyone considered me the culprit right away. In other words, something led them to believe that I had a grudge against her. As far as I know, the only discord between Mizuhara-san and me is that love letter, which means that someone must have broadcast the story. But only her group and I, as well as Kimura-kun knew about it. Of course, I haven't told anyone, and Mizuhara-san and her friends didn't look like they would want to tell everyone about it, either.

But most of all, it was no one else but Kimura-kun who proposed that the culprit must have had a grudge against her. He called their attention to me in a blatant manner.

I don't know why he did that. Maybe he had a grudge against me that I don't know of, or he might have had strong feelings about Mizuhara-san and Ashizawa-kun.

But I don't really care.

His story is irrelevant to me.

I turn the key, and the door opens with a click. I tentatively turn the doorknob — yeah, seems fine.

"...What do you plan on doing on the roof, Saito-san?"

"..." I silently turn around to him.

"Saito-san...?"

I answer his question with a question.

"Hey, Kimura-kun—"

"—Do you happen to know ''Reina Kamisu''?"

Maybe I really thought that Reina would be waiting for me on the other side of the door.

This is a place that no one is allowed to enter, despite being so near. It's a place that we all know exists, yet only few have actually been there. And that's why I felt that I would find her here.

But of course, there is no sign of Reina.

I walk to the center of the roof and spin around.

Students going home, power poles established in regular intervals, the shopping district, our dirty river, another school, a house, another house — irrelevant scenery. But one thing within this irrelevant scenery — the glaring red sun hiding partly behind a building at the horizon — feels relevant to me.

The sun is about to hide on the other side, having completed its work for today, but floating there at the boundary, it feels like it's calling me.

I return to the door to lock it.

Now I'm completely alone.

I lean against the fence, and while watching the sun slowly hide its countenance, I think once more about Reina Kamisu.

Reina vanished. Yes, she vanished.

A beautiful and popular student suddenly stopped coming to school and went missing. This should have obviously been a serious incident for this Shikura middle school. It should have.

However, no one talks about it.

Of course, there is no one who would tell ''me'', but even I can perk up my ears for rumors. It's strange. Reina Kamisu does not come up anywhere at all. No one talks about such a extraordinary girl. Is that even possible?

I screwed up my courage and sneaked a peek into her class. First, I couldn't believe my eyes, then I couldn't believe my ears, and finally, I couldn't believe myself.

Her seat didn't exist. Her shoe locker didn't exist. Her name didn't exist. Nothing related to her existed.

Reina is nowhere.

And when I saw Kimura-kun's face when I asked him about Reina, I was convinced.

—Reina Kamisu vanished.

It's not simple death. She erased everything of her existence, everything related to it, and vanished. Without leaving anyone anything of herself, and completely revoking the fact that a person named Reina Kamisu has ever existed, she disappeared.

With the exception of me, her best friend.

But even I only have a few empty memories left — much like a drop of soda on the edge of an empty can. I don't remember where we met, how we became friends, or where we went apart from the aquarium. Nothing.

Those memories will soon wither as well, erasing her existence once and for all.

Reina is disappearing.

Reina, who was everything of me, is disappearing.

So—there is no reason for me to be '''here''' anymore.

I climb on the fence. It's 15cm wide, so I can stand without a problem.

I consider taking off my shoes, but I decide against it; I'm not trying to commit suicide or anything.

I'm merely going to see Reina.

Of course, I can't be sure if can meet her like that. It's just the absurd thought that if she isn't here, she must be "there." It's about as absurd as thinking that a bird can fly past the sky into the space.

But I can't think of anything else.

There is no other way, and if that's the only way, why should I not try it? There's nothing that stops me. Let me repeat that: I have no reason to be '''here''', so there is nothing that stops me.

I suddenly recall what I said to Kimura-kun.

—To take revenge.

Yeah, a petty revenge. By bringing me the keys, you got yourself involved in what is going to happen now, didn't you?

I wonder if he'll be having some pangs of remorse, even though he might not care about me?

I look down, and shrink back a little, scared of the imminent pain that I almost forgot about. That's going to hurt. Ten times... hundred times more than a syringe. But I mustn't flinch.

What is important to me? Meeting Reina. Being together with Reina.

That's all that counts. That's all...

Yes, with vigor!

Because I feel like I can get farther that way.

I take a vigorous leap.

Suddenly, the world spins and changes completely. Unable to properly grasp this unexpected world, I almost pass out.

I can only tell that it's not the place where I wanted to go. I have found myself in a tragic play.

Aah... did I fail? Did I make the wrong decision after all...?

But—

Just as I am about to give up, I realize that I've won the wager.

"Reina..."

Reina is right before my eyes.

"Reina, I missed you..."

She gives me her gentle and absurdly beautiful smile.

"Reina... tell me: where are you?"

"I am—" she answers.

"I am '''here'''. Kamisu Reina is — '''here'''."

Ah, right.

Why didn't I notice such a simple thing?

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Kamisu Reina Series|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Atsushi Kogure|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Fumi Saito

2013-09-08T10:14:05Z

MatrixM: /* 3 */

==1==

I don't have any friends.

Not because I hate talking to others, or because I'm mistrustful, or because I'm too lazy to cultivate contacts. It's not like I deliberately want to avoid making friends; put plain and simple, I'm just unable to make any.

My mom always tells me that it's no big deal, since I'm smart and my grades are good, but from my perspective ''that's'' no big deal. She doesn't know how cumbersome school is for people who can't make friends.

Just like right now: Even though it's break time and everyone's engaged in chats, I'm sitting here alone as if I were in another dimension. It gets even worse during the lunch break, when I wordlessly munch away on my lunch while all my classmates put their desks together and eat together—I always feel like a castaway on a desert island surrounded by the vast ocean.

From time to time I wonder if all the other people are just aliens wearing human disguises who are deceiving me, the last living earthling.

Ridiculous. Ridiculous, indeed, but that proves how alone I feel when I'm at school.

Because I have nothing to do between classes, I started reading books in my free time even though I don't really like doing so. Thanks to that, I've become even harder to approach and widened the gap between me and my classmates even further. It's a vicious cycle: I'm mistaken for someone who likes being alone, even though that's downright wrong. I'd love to chitchat, too! I want to chat about who's the coolest guy in our class or who my favorite member in whatever boyband is too! But I'm ignored. I'm only reluctantly approached by others when absolutely necessart.

Why am I unable to make friends? What makes me different from everyone else? Since I have nothing to do anyway, I often mull over this question.

It must be because I'm ugly. I have a lot of pimples, my eyes are small, and my nose is flat, just like my breasts. But do I really look that terrible? I don't think so. It's wrong to blame my looks, at any rate.

It's my communication skills. Right, I'm not good at talking to others. But why is that? Because I'm always cautious? Because I get nervous when I'm talked to? No, that's not all there is to it. That's just another vicious cycle that started because I don't often talk to others.

The root cause must be that... I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of being thought of as an oddball. I'm scared of spoiling the mood by making an inappropriate remark. I'm scared of others' opinions of me.

Before I know it, I'm gazing at Mizuhara-san's group in the second row by the window. Mizuhara-san is sort of the leader of this class, and as such has lots of friends. They seem to be having a lot of fun. They're really enviable.

But even among the members of such a close group, I'm sure that people could name others in the same group who they don't like. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has characteristics that might cause resentment. I, for one, have lots of them.

Therefore, it must be impossible to make friends for me.

But that's okay.

I may have no normal friends, but I do have a best friend.

I have one irreplaceable best friend—

—Reina Kamisu.

"You're too kind, Fumi, that's your problem."

That's what Reina said to me on our way home when I told her about my take on why I can't make any friends.

The smile she flashed while saying that was so stunning that I couldn't help admiring her for a few moments. Her long hair is the purest raven-black and so smooth that it's unthinkable to find any split ends, while her body is curvy like a model's, unlike my immature development.

Reina is truly beautiful. Absurdly beautiful.

"I'm kind...? I don't think so. I just don't want to be hurt."

"But isn't that what makes you kind?"

"Why so?"

"I mean, it's not like everyone else ''wants'' to be hurt, right? They don't want to be hurt, either."

"But they get along with each other."

"Yeah. Then what distinguishes you from them? Let me tell you: You're sensitive to the wounds of others. You are scared of being hurt, Fumi, but you're also scared of hurting someone."

Well, of course I don't want to hurt others randomly.

"That's why you are very kind to everyone."

"Reina..."

I'm really grateful for her words.

But I know that in truth I'm just a coward. Reina has merely put a sugar-sweet coating around the word ''coward'' before handing it to me.

But that thoughtfulness of hers makes me happy.

Aah, Reina sure is peerless. Even though she's only in the third year of middle school like me, she's so different.

"You're so lucky, Reina..."

"Mm? Why?"

"I mean... you're pretty and you're smart... I can't help thinking that God treats us unjustly."

Yeah, God is unjust. If he wasn't, Reina and I wouldn't be living in the same world. I suppose God doesn't get around to balancing out everything that he's created, and passes us around even more carelessly than workers do with products on a conveyor belt.

Everyone knows that. But I'm not mature enough yet to accept that I'm "inferior".

"That's not true! You're cute, Fumi," she responds with a kind smile, reading my mind.

"...I'm not. That sounds a bit like sarcasm if it's you, you know...?"

"Ah, that's totally mean! But Fumi... while some people like you prefer me, there are also some people who would prefer you!"

"No."

"But there are! At least there's one, right here," Reina says as she points at herself and smiles.

"But—"

"If," she interrupts me, "If for argument's sake, there were more people who prefer me over you, why should you care? Numbers don't mean anything. Or do you want to be in the spotlight like an idol?"

"That's not it."

"Then there's nothing to worry about, is there? There's at least one person right here who thinks you are irreplaceable. Or are you not satisfied with that?"

"Mmm! I couldn't wish for more!"

"...I see."

Reina puts on her kind smile again, which makes me kind of ashamed of my behavior.

Aah... I'm still such a child. Silly me. Really. I bet Reina thinks that I'm jealous of her beauty, which is actually true. I'm so filthy. Now she's lost faith in me. I'm sure.

"...Fumi, you're blaming yourself, aren't you?"

"Eh?"

"My... you really ''are'' too kind. Do you think I'd taken offense?"

"But——"

"No buts. You're being a little rude, you know?"

"Eh?"

"Fumi, you are a dear friend of mine. Someone important to me. By acting this way, it almost seems as if you didn't believe me?"

"Ah..."

"Fumi. I'm your best friend, right?"

"Of course!"

I can say this for certain.

"You're an irreplaceable friend, Reina!"

A dear friend who could never be replaced.

If Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long since have—

==2==
Another bad day starts.

The fact that I'm usually alone in the morning only makes it worse; Reina often has to go early to school because of her morning practice in the track and field club. I did once consider leaving the house at the same time as she does, but waiting in the classroom until classes begin is pretty painful as well, and most of all, I don't want to bother her, so I decided against it.

I walk alone to school and head to the shoe lockers to change into my indoor shoes.

"..."

What is this...?

''Morning!'' I hear someone say behind me (of course not to me) and hurriedly close my locker. After waiting for that student to leave, I open it again.

"Oh, eh..."

There is a letter on my indoor shoes.

I reach out, but at a loss what to do, my hand stays there until another student approaches. On the spur of the moment, I cram the letter into my bag.

Oh my, oh my... i-is this a...?

I get uncomfortable. I don't know why that is, but there are too many people here. I feel like all the people around me are watching me. Whenever a glance crosses my eyes (and I know it just crosses them and doesn't actually perceive me) I feel it piercing through me.

Nobody would care about me, I know that, but I can't help feeling that everybody keeps watching my every step.

Unable to bear the gazes any longer, I escape to the restroom, and hurry into a toilet stall, and take the letter out.

Stuffing it into my bag has left the letter slightly crumpled — sorry to the person who put it into my locker.

I unfold the letter.

"Dear Fumi Saito

I am writing this letter to you because there is something that I have been wanting to tell you.

Please wait in your classroom after school."

That's all there is.

"Ah...hah..." I gasp for air, finally noticing that I haven't breathed while reading.

What is this about? What... what is this about?

As short as it is, I can still see that, objectively, it's probably a love letter. However, it's addressed at me. A love letter addressed at me? Really? Is that possible?

"Of course it's possible!" Reina says right off the bat.

We're on break and have come to the landing of the stairs that lead to the roof. Because the roof is inaccessible, the stairs here are virtually never used by anyone, which is why we often use them when we want to discuss something in secret (although it's mostly me who has something to discuss).

"How can you be so sure?! I mean, we're talking about me here...!"

"As I told you the other day, Fumi: you are a charming girl."

I open my mouth to deny what she said, but then I reconsider, thinking back at how we went round in circles last time.

"So, how about it, Fumi?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"What's your response to that love letter?"

"Ah—"

I had completely forgotten about that because I was fixated on the fact that I'd received one. Right, I still have to respond to it.

"R-Reina, I, I don't know what to do!"

"To start with, how do you feel about that boy?"

"That boy...?"

I unfold the love letter and check again.

"Well, Fumi? How do you feel about him? Do you know each other pretty well? Or not at all, maybe?"

"—None."

"Hm?"

"There's no name."

"Let me... let me take a look."

I give Reina the letter. She inspects the piece of paper from all sides, and eventually heaves a sigh.

"You're right. There's no name."

"...You've received love letters before, right, Reina?"

"Yes, I have."

"Were there any without a name?"

"...Hm... maybe there was one, but I think it was a case where the sender was obvious. I always knew who the letter was from."

"I see..."

I reread the letter. ''"Please wait in your classroom after school"'' — a sincere request to me.

"...What are you going to do?" Reina inquires.

"Don't you know pretty well what I'm going to do, Reina?"

"...Right. Well, it's you after all!" she smiles gloomily.

"Don't... don't wait for me today after you're done with your club activities."

"Why not...?"

"..." I remain silent, unable to give her a proper answer. I don't really know why I asked her that, either. Normally, I would want her with me at such times.

Reina gives me a bright smile, "...Hey, Fumi. You've been wanting to go to the aquarium, haven't you?"

"...Yeah. I love dolphins."

"Let's go there one of these days, then!"

Why would she propose that now?

"...Mm! It's a promise!"

I knew why, and that made me happy.

Classes have ended.

I always stay at school even without receiving such a letter, because I wait for Reina's club activities to end.

Today, however, I had Reina go home herself. I'm alone—alone at waiting for the sender of that letter.

As I gaze at an open book, I ponder over who I want the letter to be from. Kado-kun, the boy who is popular in class because he's good at basketball? Mm, I would be happy. The delinquent of our class, Ashizawa-kun? He's a bit scary, but I think I would appreciate it. How about Kogure-kun, although he's a bit strange? I would probably be a bit wary of him, but still happy. And Dojima-kun, who everyone avoids because he's dirty? I wouldn't want to go out with him, but I would be happy.

It's always a nice thing to be thought of favorably.

But how would I respond when it comes to dating someone?

Right now... I have no such plans, because I don't exactly know what would be expected of me. I'm a bit scared, and I don't know how I should treat the other party.

I guess a proper couple has to kiss? But how does that feel? When do you feel like kissing? How should I react when he wants me to kiss? Would he be hurt when I refused to? I can't refuse then... I don't want to be disliked, after all.

Right. Refusal is no option.

Mm, so it doesn't matter who gave me that letter—I have to obey and ''wait in my classroom after school''.

It has become dark outside. The school is going to be closed soon.

Maybe, no one will come. Maybe, it was a joke. If it was—I would feel a bit calmer.

I stow away the book I have hardly read and just gazed at, and prepare myself for taking my leave, when suddenly, the Mizuhara group enters the classroom. They all belong to the tennis club, so I first thought they came to leave their rackets here.

However, their eyes reveal to me that there's more to it.

Mizuhara-san looks at me. "Heh, so you waited."

"Er..."

The girls around her start to giggle as they watch me getting nervous.

"Did we get your hopes up?" Mizuhara-san asks with a grin.

"Eh, um..."

What should I answer...? What answer do they expect from me?

"Probably... I did get hopes..." I answer honestly.

Suddenly, one of them laughs out loud, unable to hold it in any longer, spurring on the giggling.

"Oh come on, that's stupid! No guy would be interested in a sourpuss like you!"

"Kaho! Don't be so mean to her~!"

"But look...!"

"Well, she ''is'' pretty gullible, but that makes it clear how serious her case is, right?"

"Yeah, she's obviously not used to this kind of stuff."

Without giving me a chance to interrupt, Takatsuki-san and Omi-san keep discussing how dumb and strange I am.

I don't know what to do.

Hopes. Right, I had faint hopes that someone might like me. How stupid of me. That's absurd. Completely impossible.

Right now, there is a clear barrier between the rest of the world and me. Transparent, yet tough like tempered glass. Even though they can see me, no one attempts to read what feelings I hold behind my face. Even though they can hear me, no one attempts to understand the meaning of my words.

It's almost like my eyes perceive something entirely different from everyone else. Whenever I reach out my hands, I can only grasp air.

Alone. I'm alone.

Someone likes me? As if. No one is interested in me in the least, except maybe as someone to tease. As a topic to laugh at.

"...uh..."

Ah... I didn't want to cry... but there goes a tear. This will spoil the party. I'm sorry, but I cried, I'm really sorry.

As I expected, they start making uneasy faces.

Desperately trying not to show them my tears, I cover my eyes.

"Aah... we made her cry. Sorry, Saito-san," Mizuhara-san says gently. "But you know? We didn't mean to hurt you. How should I put it... you always avoid talking to people, no?"

No, I simply ''can't'' talk to people!

"I think that's not a good thing, so I thought that doing this, kind of like a shock treatment, might help you. I didn't mean any harm."

I wonder how much truth there is to that? Maybe that was part of the reason, but how is a fake love letter supposed to get me to speak normally? Was there no other way? Isn't that just a pretext to tease me?

"No offense! Really! ...Will you forgive me?"

However, there is something desperate in her voice that makes me nod as I still keep my eyes covered.

"Aah, thanks a lot... I'm really sorry. Okay, see you."

Once I had forgiven them, they quickly left.

...But Mizuhara-san isn't mean. She may have completely missed the mark, but she did care about me. She does take heed of me.

Yeah, she's not mean. She's not.. mean.

"What a mean bunch!"

My inner dialog is being denied. Surprised by that sudden voice, I look up.

"Ah... Kimura-kun..."

Oh no, he saw my tear-stained face. I must look horrible right now...

"Sorry! I allowed myself to overhear your little conversation," he says with an uneasy expression.

"Mmm! I-It's fine..." These words escape my lips because I want to reassure him.

"...They teased you with a fake love letter, right? That's cruel. She... Mizuhara's always like that. You could say that her hobby is to toy with the feelings of others!" Kimura-kun rants, seeming genuinely angry at her.

Is he angry for my sake? For real? If so, why?

Okay, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to calm him down?

"It's okay, Kimura-kun... I knew it was just a trick."

"You knew it was a trick?" he asks while raising an eyebrow.

"I knew that... it would end like this."

"...But why didn't you ignore the letter, then?"

"———"

I couldn't give him an answer. I have no idea how to put it into words.

"Well, whatever... anyway, if something like this happens again, be sure to let me know!"

"Eh?!"

"W-What? You don't trust me, or what?"

I shake my head furiously. It's only natural that I would get startled — after all, he doesn't profit in any way from helping me.

"You're quite the strange girl... okay, gotta go!" he says as he puts a hand on my head with a smile, after which he left. Unable to make sense of that, I just watched him baffledly.

While walking home alone, I start reflecting on the reason why I couldn't ignore the letter.

I expected the letter to be fake — because there was no name, because the paper used was not typical for boys, and most of all, because I noticed that the writer had deliberately tried to fake her handwriting.

However, what if, as unlikely as it is, the love letter had been real? In that case, ignoring it would have hurt that person. I would have betrayed that person and his sincere request ''to have me wait''. I couldn't do that. Absolutely not.

Besides, I couldn't have ignored it either way: the person who wanted to make a joke at my expense wished for me to take on the role of a fool. Had I ignored that request, I would have betrayed their expectations. I would have spoiled their fun. I would have fallen into their disfavor.

That's why I was unable to ignore the letter.

Did I make the right choice? No, I'm sure I didn't. If I were right—

—It wouldn't hurt so much.

Reina.

It hurts, Reina!

I don't want to be '''here''', it hurts!

For the first time in a long time, I have to face that thought again. That thought I always held before meeting Reina.

Right, if Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long have—died.

I have thought about dying countless times.

I'm sure there is no such thing like happy times.

Adult people lie when they speak of their supposedly happy youth. If they don't, then nostalgia must have warped their memories, because they couldn't endure the absence of hope in reality otherwise. Thinking that back in the day, everything used to be better, in order to put up with the present.

This leads to my hypothesis:

Life is and will always be hopeless. We live our pitch-dark lives as we cling to shiny shards that appear every now and then, and then we think back at those shards with a nostalgic smile on our faces. Like fools.

However, I don't have a past to take refuge. I don't have a past to romanticize in my mind when I lose hope in reality. I have no other choice but to accept that life is filled with despair from bottom to top.

Therefore, the only place I can escape to is death.

''Don't think of suicide'', people say. But is that statement backed by actual thought? You shall not kill. Of course. You shall not steal. Of course. You shall not commit suicide. Of course. The answer is so obvious that there is no place for doubt. Those statements must be perfectly true. Dazzlingly true.

You have to walk an endless muddy path that has no significance whatsoever, and you are naturally not allowed to break out. What a hopeless system.

What do you want me to do? What the hell am I supposed to do?

Someone save me! Give me hope! No, I won't be so greedy. Please someone, just notice that I'm walking this path and say a few gentle words to me...

"Fumi."

Surprised by the voice that calls out to me at the perfect moment, I raise my head.

"Reina..."

Only after speaking these words do I notice that I have been crying.

"You told me to go home, but you didn't tell me not to come meet you, right?" she smiles gently at me.

"...I can't."

Even though she understands what I mean, she gently embraces me.

"...It was painful, wasn't it?"

I can't... I just can't anymore!

I'll depend on you, Reina! I'll lean against you! I'll entrust my life to you!

"It's okay," she whispers to me. "I won't betray you."

"—!"

I clearly understand now why I had Reina go home earlier.

It's because I knew that she would comfort me. Because I knew that I would depend on her.

What is the consequence of that?

I have long lost my balance to be '''here''', and needed something to take refuge in.

Needless to say, Reina Kamisu has taken on the role of my refuge, of my shelter.

But now, because of her embrace, I have completely become dependent on her. Maybe that has already been the case for a long time, but either way, I can no longer exist without Reina.

In order to prevent that, I have sent her home.

"...Reina...I..."

"It's okay. Don't worry. I'll... take on your burden."

Her words pierce through me.

I feel how my entire body starts to melt into Reina's body. Slowly but surely, I fade into her.

Such bliss.

I realize that this is what it means to be accepted by someone.

"Uh...gh...," I moan as my tears push up. They fall onto Reina, producing small ripples. I always thought my tears would only fall to the ground, but I was wrong — they have reached Reina's heart.

I am part of Reina, and—

—Reina is everything of me.

==3==

I am changing. The liquid "Reina" is continuously being poured into the container "I", while the liquid "I" is overflowing from that container.

The container is still me, but its contents are Reina; Reina has become my essence.

I still hardly speak anything in the classroom (although Kimura-kun, whose desk is behind mine, talks to me from time to time), but I don't feel depressed anymore.

I am not alone.

That belief gives me strength. That thought I have been holding has gone somewhere far away.

I don't care about anything, as long as Reina is with me.

That's what I thought. That's what I believed.

But not in my wildest dreams did I expect that things could still get worse.

"I can't find my wallet!" Mizuhara-san screams agitatedly.

Everyone present at the homeroom after classes, our class teacher Kosugi-sensei included, focuses on her as she desperately searches for her wallet. The member of her group are watching her worriedly. For a few moments, the classroom lapses into silence, until someone checks if their own wallet is still there, and the others follow suit. I don't bring my wallet to school, but I reach into my pocket nonetheless in order not to be the odd one out.

By the time everyone has confirmed that their money is safe, Mizuhara-san is sitting still in her seat, visibly troubled. Kosugi-sensei walks toward her.

"Have you found it?"

"No..."

"Are you sure that it was there?"

"Absolutely."

"Understood," the teacher says with a frown and goes back to the teacher's desk. "All right, as you surely heard, Mizuhara has lost her wallet. Of course, this may be some sort of misunderstanding on her end, but—" he starts and explains in a ridiculously roundabout way that there is a chance that a member of this class might have stolen her wallet.

The likelihood of pickpocketing is high, considering what the missing item is. Not far in the past, there has been a fuss over a stolen mp3-player.

Mizuhara-san, convinced that it was a theft, is visibly angered, and so are the members of her group, influenced by her.

"Does anyone have a clue where her wallet might be?" the teacher asks.

The students just exchange glances. The teacher isn't expecting any answers, either — the culprit or those who know who did it wouldn't speak up right now.

Or so I thought. But I was wrong.

Kimura-kun reluctantly raises his hand.

"Kimura, do you know something?"

"No, not exactly... but there's something that bothers me."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think that it's common to take the wallet when stealing money. Normally, you would just pull out the contents, right? In fact, that's how the theft in class 5 happened."

"...Perhaps."

"Besides, it would make more sense to steal the money of all members of this class instead of only Mizuhara-san's. Yet, she's the only victim."

"What are you getting at?"

"What I want to say is that it's either a misunderstanding or a vicious joke toward Mizuhara-san."

"It's absolutely not a misunderstanding!" Mizuhara-san disagrees loudly. "Someone has played a trick on me!"

"A trick, hm? How much was in your wallet, if I may ask?"

"...1000 yen and change, but so what?" she answers grumpily.

"So it can't be because of the money, then. It looks like the goal of the culprit was teasing Mizuhara-san; and wouldn't that narrow down the list of suspects to a manageable number?" Kimura-kun says, causing everyone to exchange glances again.

That means that the culprit has a grudge against her, or at least doesn't think favorably of her?

Arriving at this thought—

—I notice that eyes are starting to focus on me.

"Huh...?"

A few students who aren't looking at me notice that a few of their classmates are focusing on me, and thus follow suit. On seeing that, yet another person gazes at me. All eyes are pinned on me.

Why? Why would they look at me?

This makes it seem like... like—

Our teacher, too, notices that I'm the center of attention, and looks at me, only to move his gaze on to Mizuhara-san. I follow his glance.

For some reason, she makes a face of realization.

"Saito," the teacher says to me in a stern voice, causing me to wince.

Just because he called my name? ...Yes, but I but I'm not so dumb as to not understand the situation. To me, this is just like a — death sentence.

"Do you know something?"

"Eh? Ah...er..."

I don't know anything! I'm innocent! But... I fail to say so properly.

"What's wrong? I have asked you a question, Saito."

But he's suspecting me.

"Uh..."

Everyone is looking at me, suspecting me — that's more than enough to make me lose my tongue, but they do not see that.

They understand it like so: I'm panicking because I've been busted, because I'm the culprit.

I'm perfectly aware of that, and I know that I must absolutely answer his question with confidence, but yet I find myself unable to do so.

"I... I..."

If someone was here who understand my personality — if Reina was here — she could explain it to them, but she's not here.

She's not here.

I don't have any supporters here.

"I don't... I don't know any—"

"Kosugi-sensei," Mizuhara-san says, cutting my desperate words short. I look at her in wonder.

There is no anger in her face anymore.

"What is it, Mizuhara?"

"I did something to Saito-san that may have made her hold a grudge against me. I... I played a trick on her. Thinking about it now... that was mean of me," she says with tears in her eyes. "But I... I did it because I thought I could help her to open herself!"

Surprised at what she said, I gaze at her. The sorrowful expression on her face isn't faked. Mizuhara-san is honest.

However, it's unclear to me whether she really tried to open my heart with that fake love letter, or just persuaded herself of that noble goal because of the situation she has found herself in.

Whatever the answer is, there is one thing that has become a fact.

Her words have settled my position.

"..."

All eyes fixed on me.

Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.

Like light projected through a loop, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

There is no suspicion in them anymore.

It's been decided.

It's been decided that I am the culprit.

"N-No, I haven—"

"It was YOU!" Takatsuki-san cuts me short. "You were pissed off, but you couldn't defend yourself because you were too scared! That's why you resorted to such a dirty trick — to vent your frustration!"

"Don't say that, Kaho. I'm... I'm also at fault..."

''Also.''

The words Mizuhara-san sobbed subliminally yet clearly implied that I'm the culprit and that she's the victim.

As a result, her words added fuel to the fire. With a fire-red head, Takatsuki-san walks toward me. Fearing to be hit, I cover my head and cower.

However, she did not come to hit me. Her goal was my bag. She picks it up, opens it, turns it upside town and pours its contents onto my desk.

And for some reason, there is an unfamiliar wallet among the things that fall on my desk. However, someone has mangled it with a cutter.

"...Saito, you are to come to the staff room afterwards."

The moment the teacher says so, uncontrollable sobbing resounds through the classroom.

Needless to say, it was Mizuhara-san.

I look around.

Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes.

Like an ice pick, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

Reina isn't '''here'''.

In other words—no one is '''here'''.

I don't have any supporters '''here'''.

The next day, my desk has disappeared.

Up until now, I have merely been air for everyone, but from now on, they won't even grant me to be air anymore.

I'm not even allowed to exist.

A missing desk in a classroom is like a missing piece in a puzzle; but in this case it's my desk that is missing. I must be the only one who feels that a piece is missing — for everyone else, the puzzle is completed.

I go to the veranda and move the desk and the chair back to their original place. Original place? Really? No, perhaps the original place where my seat is supposed to be is not in the classroom, but at the veranda.

But while that may be true... I don't want to notice.

White, everything turns white.

Everything besides Reina and me turns white.

Like a novel lacking spaces, I'm unable to make sense of the white world '''here'''. They disappear. Everything besides me flees out of reach.

Or perhaps—

I'm the one who is lacking color.

The lunch break ends without my talking to anyone.

I really haven't spoken a word, since I couldn't meet Reina, either. Not one word has been spoken for me or toward me.

People have stopped speaking to me. No, that's no news, but at least previously, there was no ill will in that.

I wasn't even allowed of the absolute minimum of conversation. Even Kimura-kun wasn't able to overcome the magnetic field around me that has emerged in class.

"..."

I was aware of it.

I was aware of it, but this makes it clear.

No one cares if I just disappeared.

The world wouldn't disappear when I disappeared. The blue sky would completely ignore me and not even let it rain. No one cares whatever happens to me. I'm absolutely separated from the rest of the world.

Again, a familiar thought assaults me.

—I... I can't endure it anymore, Reina!

Why? What have I done? I didn't want to be disliked. That's all... I just shut myself into my little box because I was afraid of getting hurt, yet why do they pierce it with spears?

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

Save me Reina, save me Reina, save me rena, savemerena.

"They're all so mean."

"—Huh?"

Reina stands before my eyes.

"'Huh'? What is it, Fumi?"

"Ah, mmm... nothing."

Classes have ended; I have caught Reina when she was about to go to her club and consulted her at our usual spot on the stairs to the roof.

Yes, that sounds perfectly natural.

Why is it then that something felt fatally off? There's no reason.

"Why would they think that you're the culprit without conclusive proof? There's no way you would that."

"...Well, they don't know my personality. Besides, Mizuhara-san's wallet was in my bag, so it's natural that they would think that I did it."

"Yes, but Fumi... why was that wallet in your bag, anyway?"

"Because—"

I don't really want to think about it...

"...The first reason that comes to mind would be because someone is trying to set you up."

"...Yeah, most likely." Unless I have a split personality. "...Someone who hates me?"

"I... I don't think so. You're not one to make a lot of enemies... I think that someone simply thought that it would be easy to lay the blame on you."

Perhaps.

But anyway, someone hated me enough to be fine with putting the blame on me.

"That's just heartless! We have to find and teach that culprit a lesson!"

"No... no need to!"

"Why? Aren't you suffering under the current situation?"

"I am. I am, but..."

"But?"

"The problem isn't new. It's merely surfaced now..."

"That's not... I mean, you weren't particularly unpopular..."

"You think so? I'm pretty sure it was a matter of time. For example, if Mizuhara-san's position and mine had been reversed, I most likely would have ended up with the short end of the stick."

"No, you're—"

Reina is at a loss for words. When it comes to deciding who is at fault, it doesn't matter what was done, but who did it. Between a teacher and a student, the student will be the bad one; between a honor student and a delinquent, the delinquent will be the bad one; between a beautiful person and an ugly person, the ugly person will be the bad one.

And of course, between Mizuhara-san and me, I will be the bad one.

In other words, the result has been decided all along.

Smart as Reina is, she realizes that.

"...That's not true!"

Reina doesn't believe her own words, and looking at her face, she is blaming herself for faltering.

...But there's nothing to blame herself for, since it's a fact.

"Reina."

"Hm?"

"You're still on my side, right?"

"Of course I am!"

Good.

I have a supporter. I have a irreplaceable friend. I have Reina.

So I may still be here.

"Ah—" Reina suddenly says, so I follow her gaze.

"Um..."

Kimura-kun is standing there, seemingly feeling a bit out-of-place.

"...Kimura-kun? What's the matter?"

"Ah, yes... can you spare a minute?" he asks reluctantly.

"Y-Yeah... what is it?"

"To come straight to the point, Ashi-chan told me to call you out, because I happened to know that you're here sometimes."

"Ashi-chan?"

"I'm talking about Ashizawa-kun! Toshiki Ashizawa."

The bad-mannered Ashizawa-kun...? What would he want from me?

Whatever it is, it can't be good for me. Kimura-kun's expression makes this obvious.

"Err... is he... angry?"

"..."

He just gazes closely at me, and eventually averts his eyes.

"...He is?"

"Saito-san. It might be better if you didn't go," he mutters with eyes cast away.

...It looks like it's more serious than I thought. But if I don't go, Ashizawa-kun's aversion toward me will only grow.

I—don't want that. I don't want to be avoided even more because of a misunderstanding.

"...I'm going."

"Okay..." he says as if he was going to get a beating from Ashizawa-kun.

"Fumi," Reina addresses me in a worried tone.

"I'll be fine," I smile and wave her goodbye.

Brought to our classroom (Kimura-kun immediately left for his club), Ashizawa-kun drives me into a corner, and without any time for confusion, I am surrounded by his buddies, Takatsuki-san and the other members of the group, while a few of my other classmates are watching from a safe distance. Mizuhara-san is here as well, but watching from afar with an uneasy expression.

"Okay. Do you know what this is?" Ashizawa-kun says in an oppressive voice as he holds something against my face. It's hard to see from such a short distance, but I can recognize that it's Mizuhara-san's wallet.

"—"

I try to answer, but the words stick in my throat. Everyone is watching me closely and with blatant enmity; I feel that I'm not allowed to speak. I'm scared.

His right arm, which is right beside my head, might lose it any moment. He definitely wants to. He is angry. And the perfect target to vent his anger on is right before his eyes.

I'm scared! Why are they looking at me like that? I can't say anything! I'm not allowed to speak!

"Hey! I asked you what the fuck this is!" he yells. His right arm is twitching.

"It's a... wallet..."

"Whose wallet?"

"Mizuhara-san's..."

"Right. It's Yuu's wallet."

Yuu? Come to think of it, that's Mizuhara-san's first name.

"It's the wallet I gave her for her birthday. It's the wallet you cut up with a goddamn cutter!" he says, some of his saliva flying on my face.

Anger has made him lose more than half of his reasoning. Had I been a guy, he would have beaten me up already long ago.

"You knew that Yuu's dating Toshiki, didn't you?" Takatsuki-san says with a scary face. "And you also knew that this wallet was a present from him, right?"

I don't. I had no idea that they were a couple. Such rumors don't reach me at all.

"That's why you stole the wallet when you were pissed off, no? You can't hide it!"

No, I didn't do anything!

But I can't say that. Even if I did and explained myself, they wouldn't believe me.

"Do you get that? This isn't something you can make up for with fucking money!"

His right hand moves. I reflexively close my eyes. However, he could somehow control himself and hit the wall behind me.

I mind goes blank like white paint. I'm trembling all over.

What am I supposed to do? I'm scared! Please, don't hurt me. I haven't done anything!

"Save me..."

I mutter at last, cornered and intimidated.

"Save me..."

At first, the others seem to think that I am begging toward them, but they quickly realize that's not the case and are taken aback.

"Save me..."

I seek help. Of course, there is only one person I would seek help from.

"Save me... Reina."

I didn't want to get Reina involved, so I tried to solve the matter without her coming with me.

But I failed.

I imagine how her long her sways as Reina appears and swiftly frees me from their claws. I have a feeling that this picture will become reality. And then she will smile at me with her absurdly beautiful face, "Everything is all right, Fumi."

—However, Reina didn't come.

That sweet illusion took me from the ground to the clouds, to the pinnacle. But at the end of the day, I keep crawling on the ground in reality. I am thrown off the pinnacle again.

"Uh...uh..."

Unable to hold it in, I start to cry.

Thrown off course by my tears, the signs for violence disappear, even though Ashizawa-kun is still visibly angered.

"What?! Do you think we'll forgive you if you cry?!" Takatsuki-san shouts as she draws near to me. "Besides, there's no one who would want to 'save' someone like ''you''!"

"But there is..."

"Who? Your mom? A teacher? They would only help you because it's their duty!"

"There is!"

"And who would that be?! Good lord, you are—"

"Reina! Reina Kamisu is there for me!" I scream. In a voice that might well have been the strongest in my entire life.

Takatsuki-san—no, everyone present—widen their eyes in response to my powerful shout. I'm surprised by myself, too, but I don't regret it.

Because that's the one thing that I will not allow anyone to disagree with me.

I do have an irreplaceable friend.

I do have Reina Kamisu.

I won't let anyone say otherwise.

Taking advantage of their confusion, I escape. I escape from ''them''. I no longer need anything. Nothing.

All I need is Reina.

As long as Reina is with me, I'm perfectly fine.

==4==
As promised, Reina and I went to the aquarium.

There are more visitors than expected for a workday, most of which are families with children and young couples around twenty years old. Probably because they are not as restricted in time.

And of course, we are the only middle schoolers around.

"Reina, are you sure you don't need to go to school?"

"It's fine, but what about you, Fumi?"

"I don't mind at all."

I'm not welcome at school, anyway. My parents won't notice that I'm skipping, either, unless they get a call from school. In fact, ditching school today has made me wonder why I haven't done this sooner.

I look through the glass into the water tank.

Pretty fishes. That's all that comes to mind. They belong to the species ''Chaetodon auripes'', but I'm going to forget that in a few seconds. Therefore, I only feel that they're pretty.

But that's fun.

"Oh, look, Fumi! Lots of jellyfish!"

"Cool."

"I love jellyfish."

"You do? Why?"

"Hm? Well... I wonder why? Maybe because... they don't look a lot like living beings?"

They don't look like living beings — now that she mentions it, she has a point. Inside an aquarium, they still feel a bit like living beings, but when they are held in a water tank at home, they're more like decoration. Decoration that shines and pulsates. When jellyfish are put into a tank in a house, their role changes from a ''living being'' to ''decoration''.

"Besides, jellyfish kind of stand out. All other fishes here are just ''fishes'', but jellyfish fell like entirely different beings. Ah, I'm not making sense, am I?"

"No, I know what you mean. You want to say that jellyfish are simply jellyfish, right?"

"Ah, yes, sort of. Jellyfish are simply jellyfish."

Jellyfish are simply jellyfish.

Looking at Reina, who is gazing into the water tank, I think:

''Reina's also like that.''

Reina Kamisu is simply Reina Kamisu.

Absurdly beautiful, completely different from everyone else, and my only supporter.

Reina notices my glance.

"...What's wrong, Fumi?" she asks.

"Mm, nothing."

She tilts her head.

"Reina... the dolphin show is starting!"

"Hm? Oh, you're right. Okay, let's hurry up."

Slightly swift-footed, walk to the stadium where the dolphin show takes place.

On the way there, we come past a tank in which a large number of fishes are herding together and keep rotating restlessly.

Don't they get tired? I don't only mean physically, but also mentally. Rotating all the time won't get them any farther, after all; they could just as well stay still from the start. If they don't want to get anywhere, is it their goal to continue doing this until they can't move anymore? Don't they feel that such a life is futile?

But the fishes keep rotating, not caring about my thoughts.

The seats at the stadium are being occupied from the back to the front.

"Let's go to the front row, Reina."

"Eh? We'll get wet!"

"I know, but I want to watch the dolphins from as close as possible."

With a wry but gentle smile, she follows me to the first row and takes a seat.

"By the way, Fumi, I told you why I like jellyfish, but what's your reason for liking dolphins?"

"Hm... because they're adorable."

"That's all?"

"No, apart from that..."

Before I can continue, the woman in charge of the show begins the narration, starting with a brief explanation on the ecology of dolphins (where their nose is, that they hear sounds through their bones, etc.).

And then the show begins.

As several dolphins leap into the air to greet us, I am already enchanted.

They are pretty big when you actually see them — their jumps are spectacular and cause the children in the audience to shout in joy. They look so majestic yet adorable.

As they land again, water spills toward us. I instinctively shrink back. While it doesn't reach my clothes, my shoes get slightly wet.

Awesome! That's just awesome! Dolphins are great!

During the show, they jumped through rings, returned balls the woman had thrown to them, and swam around in circles... in a nutshell, it was awesome and I was absorbed.

"Dolphins sure are intelligent..." Reina suddenly says.

"Totally!" I respond immediately.

"Hahaha, you really love them, don't you? Is their smartness also a reason why—"

"Yeah!"

The show reaches the climax, which features a trick where three dolphins have to simultaneously jump over a stick that is set up at an extremely high position.

"And you know, dolphins send out ultrasonic waves and determine the position of objects through the reflected waves!"

"Just like bats."

"Hmm... I don't want to think of them in the same category, but yeah."

The dolphins ready themselves no the signal by the woman.

Are they able to jump so high? Well, they wouldn't be doing this if they couldn't, but I'm afraid that one of them might not make it.

I hold my breath.

The dolphins stand side by side (can you say that in this case?) and — jump.

"Whoa!"

It was a feast for the eyes.

With a grand splash, the three dolphins land in the water, raising a few large waves.

"Incredible..." I say in blank astonishment.

Looking at the wavy pool, I arrive at the thought that dolphins might be the cause for the never-ceasing waves of the sea.

"Hey, Fumi? Dolphins can communicate through sounds, right?"

"Yeah. Although it's unknown how sophisticated their conversations are. I for one believe that their communication skills are just as high as ours."

"I see... that would be nice."

"Mm! Actually, another reason why I love dolphins is because they can communicate with one another!"

"Oh, nice."

The show ends and the visitors start to leave while the dolphins are bidding them farewell by swimming around and doing individual performances.

"You know, when I learned that dolphins can communicate through sounds, I was jealous of them," I murmur while watching their performance.

"...jealous?" Reina asks puzzledly, tilting her head to the side.

"..."

I waver if I should explain it to her. If I continue, I will spoil the joyful mood.

"I think that communication through words is too complicated for me."

But I don't want to have secrets from Reina.

"Fumi..."

"I'm sure that even I would have been able to get friends if we had other ways of communicating..."

"You have me, Fumi!"

"...Mm."

These words of hers are enough for me.

"But you know, lately I've come to think that..."

"Hm?"

"I think that I might have become 'like that'."

"...'like that'?"

Unable to answer her, I look at the dolphins again, which are busy showing their performances. One of them is waving us goodbye with its fin.

I wave back.

And that's what I mean.

I am waving my hand because I freely interpret the dolphin's waving his fin as "goodbye." Our actions aren't in line at all.

Right, as deplorable as it is, I can't talk with dolphins.

But that isn't limited to dolphins.

My language has become different from everyone else's, and that's why I can't get through to anyone. My words don't reach anyone.

Except for Reina.

My way of communication has become different. And that's why I'm getting disconnected and disappearing.

We leave the aquarium, which is in the center of an aquatic park. I walk up to a bench and sit down. Reina sits down next to me.

"Reina? Would you..."

Reina looks at me when I suddenly start to talk.

"Would you be okay if we were the only humans on earth?"

I look around. There's no one nearby apart from Reina, which isn't that surprising for a workday afternoon. We're alone. I wouldn't be in the least concerned if the world closed up right now and we were left behind just by the two of us.

"Hm... it would be pretty troublesome because we'd have no electricity..."

"And if you think about it without such concerns?"

Reina gazes closely at my face, and answers with a smile:

"In that case, that wouldn't sound too bad."

"Really?"

"Really!"

I look at her. Aah, she isn't saying it just because. I'm happy, I really am.

After all, she's different from me! Unlike me, she is loved by a lot of people. Despite that, she would be with me.

"But you know, Reina, your mom would...be—"

—Reina's mom?

At once I get suspicious and stop.

A lot of people?

Well, there must be a lot. She's beautiful and nice, unlike me. But—

—But who is that, in specific?

"Fumi...?"

"Hey, Reina..."

"What's wrong?"

"...I've never been at your home, have I?"

"Are you sure?"

"Where do you live again? Nearby? You must be. After all, you go home together with me."

"What's wrong, Fumi? That's obvious, no?"

"Why is it then that — even though we are close friends — I haven't been at your place?"

"..." Reina remains silent.

Eh? Hold on! What's that supposed to mean?

We're best friends, no matter how you look at it, so why do I have no idea who her friends and her family is, and where she lives?

"By the way, Reina—"

"Don't say it!" she cuts my question short.

"Reina...?"

"Don't go farther than that..." she says sorrowfully and averts her eyes.

There are circumstances...? I don't know what it is, but Reina has a reason not to tell me about her.

Everyone has things that he doesn't want or can't say.

But,

But—

"—That's mean!"

"...Huh?"

"Aren't we best friends? We shouldn't keep any secrets from one another! Or was I the only one who felt that way? Hm?"

"No!"

"But then!"

"It's no good, Fumi!"

"Why? I don't understand, Reina!" I shout and as I do, I notice that a tear is flowing down my cheek, which leaves Reina speechless.

Cold air pulsates between us. That... hasn't happened before. This is the first time that we're surrounded by such cold air.

My feelings had reached Reina. She knows that I wouldn't ever hate or make fun of her.

There is no reason to have secrets.

There should be none.

Yet—

"I can't say it," she says distinctly.

"Why would you..."

Rejection.

No, that's not it. That can't be it. Reina would never want to hurt me. It's something... it must be something that she can't say despite that.

Of course I can understand that.

But—

"Don't doubt me."

I can't help but feel that she is rejecting me.

"Uh..."

Therefore, a drop falls from my eyes.

And once I realize that it's a ''tear'', they start to overflow like a waterfall. Aah, I'm crying way too often lately! Man, I don't want to show anyone my tears. I don't want to bother anyone. But they won't stop.

I press my head against my knees as I burst out crying.

"—Fumi."

Reina's voice.

Reina's gentle voice.

"I'm sorry."

All I could perceive was my own crying voice, which is why I didn't notice what was happening.

I kept crying like an idiot, and when I raised my head—

—Reina wasn't there.

"Reina...?"

I looked and ran around searching for her.

But she was nowhere to be found.

Reina isn't anywhere anymore.

I was standing there in the wide, empty aquatic park, left behind alone in the world.

==5==

People have erasers in their hearts.

While their efficiency differs from person to person — some of them are even incapable of erasing at all — anyone can use their eraser.

Rub, rub. Okay, away with you. You're an eyesore. Please go away. Rub, rub.

Two weeks have passed since the incident of Mizuhara-san's wallet. One week since I went to the aquarium with Reina.

Even after such a time span, no one is talking to me. Like on the previous days, I'm just sitting in my seat, which isn't supposed to be here, and gazing out of the window.

I have faded a lot.

Yet, they keep erasing me. Rub, rub.

Day by day, I am being erased. Bit by bit, I am fading. Rub, rub. Most of my existence has turned into eraser crumbs and gets wiped off my desk.

It's not going to get better. They have already become so used to rubbing me out that no one is having any doubts about it, let alone feelings of guilt. I'll keep being erased mechanically. If there is any human emotion involved, then it's slight irritation because their erasers get worn with use.

And Reina is still missing in this white and fading world.

Why? I'm not going to hold out like this! Reina... why did you leave me, Reina?

Why won't you appear before me? Even if you have secrets, that should be no obstacle for us!

Or do you hate me now?

Whatever it is, I want to see you!

I want to see you, I want to see you, I want to see you!

But no matter how much I beg, Reina doesn't appear.

And somewhere I know that she never will.

There is no meaning anymore.

In this classroom there is only irrelevant noise, irrelevant pictures, irrelevant classmates, and my irrelevant self.

There is no meaning anymore.

There is no meaning... in being '''here'''.

"—Goodbye," I whisper as I stand up.

The teacher is saying something. Ah, I was in the middle of having a 'lesson'?

Oh, he's angry. But I don't get what it's all about — after all, he isn't saying it for me, is he?

Oh, he's not angry anymore. But I wonder why he is looking at me like that? It's the first time someone does that, so I don't know what it means. But it looks a bit like he is scared.

I leave the classroom.

Far away behind me, the class is making a fuss, but it's irrelevant to me. Irrelevant. Completely irrelevant.

I'm sitting alone on the landing in the middle of the stairway to the roof. It's the second time since I've come here that the school building is getting noisy. What time is it? The first noise was probably the lunch break, so it must be the end of school today?

Reina. Will I ever see her again?

For some reason, I feel that I won't. I've been feeling that ever since she disappeared from me in that aquatic park. But so what? What about it? That doesn't change anything — I still need her, so much, so desperately.

Reina is all of me. Nothing remains if you take her from me. I'm empty. A wobbly lump that has no bones.

"Aah..."

What should I do? How can I meet Reina? I don't know! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?

Suddenly, I hear someone walking up the stairs.

I ready myself. It might be him — he might have come like I wanted.

"...Saito-san."

Kimura-kun appears before me.

"Kimura-kun... so you came to talk with me..."

"Yeah... I have no reasons to refuse if you call me out..."

Right. I have placed a letter into his shoe locker to call him here. Like Mizuhara-san did.

"I also brought this here with me. It was a pain to get past the eyes of the teachers," he explains as he holds out the keys to the roof.

"Mm. Thank you," I say and accept the keys from his visibly trembling hands. Perhaps, he has realized why I called him out here.

"..." he remains silent.

"Are you not going to ask...?"

"Ask what...?" he says clumsily.

"Why I had you bring me the keys to the roof."

After a few moments, he reluctantly asks, "Why?"

To tell the truth, I'm not sure how to answer him, either. Because maybe — no, for sure — my answer is going to hurt him.

But that's okay, isn't it? Kimura-kun is just as irrelevant as my other classmates, after all.

I reply: "To take revenge."

His face freezes instantly.

Oh, so I was right. Finally, I could confirm my suspicions.

"R-Revenge...?" he stutters miserably in bewilderment, and gets even more nervous because of it.

"You cut up Mizuhara-san's wallet and put it into my bag, didn't you?"

"W-Why would you say that...?" he counters, still not admitting to it, even though he knows that he can't talk himself out.

"It's okay! I don't plan to question you about it."

As a matter of fact, I really don't feel like questioning and blaming him. As I once told Reina, I was about to get into this situation anyway — Kimura-kun merely happened to be the one who pressed the switch.

My words seem to have calmed him down a bit.

"B-But... how did you find out?"

Do you really want to know? Isn't that going to be tough on you?

"...Should I answer that?"

Finally noticing the meaning of my answer, he looks down and says, "...No need to."

"Okay."

With these words, I slide the key into the lock.

There are several reasons why I suspected Kimura-kun.

My first doubts were raised when he started to converse with me after I had received the fake love letter. I was aware that Kimura-kun had no feelings for me, so I wondered why he would suddenly become so gentle.

Another clue was the general reaction when Mizuhara-san's wallet got lost. Everyone considered me the culprit right away. In other words, something led them to believe that I had a grudge against her. As far as I know, the only discord between Mizuhara-san and me is that love letter, which means that someone must have broadcast the story. But only her group and I, as well as Kimura-kun knew about it. Of course, I haven't told anyone, and Mizuhara-san and her friends didn't look like they would want to tell everyone about it, either.

But most of all, it was no one else but Kimura-kun who proposed that the culprit must have had a grudge against her. He called their attention to me in a blatant manner.

I don't know why he did that. Maybe he had a grudge against me that I don't know of, or he might have had strong feelings about Mizuhara-san and Ashizawa-kun.

But I don't really care.

His story is irrelevant to me.

I turn the key, and the door opens with a click. I tentatively turn the doorknob — yeah, seems fine.

"...What do you plan on doing on the roof, Saito-san?"

"..." I silently turn around to him.

"Saito-san...?"

I answer his question with a question.

"Hey, Kimura-kun—"

"—Do you happen to know ''Reina Kamisu''?"

Maybe I really thought that Reina would be waiting for me on the other side of the door.

This is a place that no one is allowed to enter, despite being so near. It's a place that we all know exists, yet only few have actually been there. And that's why I felt that I would find her here.

But of course, there is no sign of Reina.

I walk to the center of the roof and spin around.

Students going home, power poles established in regular intervals, the shopping district, our dirty river, another school, a house, another house — irrelevant scenery. But one thing within this irrelevant scenery — the glaring red sun hiding partly behind a building at the horizon — feels relevant to me.

The sun is about to hide on the other side, having completed its work for today, but floating there at the boundary, it feels like it's calling me.

I return to the door to lock it.

Now I'm completely alone.

I lean against the fence, and while watching the sun slowly hide its countenance, I think once more about Reina Kamisu.

Reina vanished. Yes, she vanished.

A beautiful and popular student suddenly stopped coming to school and went missing. This should have obviously been a serious incident for this Shikura middle school. It should have.

However, no one talks about it.

Of course, there is no one who would tell ''me'', but even I can perk up my ears for rumors. It's strange. Reina Kamisu does not come up anywhere at all. No one talks about such a extraordinary girl. Is that even possible?

I screwed up my courage and sneaked a peek into her class. First, I couldn't believe my eyes, then I couldn't believe my ears, and finally, I couldn't believe myself.

Her seat didn't exist. Her shoe locker didn't exist. Her name didn't exist. Nothing related to her existed.

Reina is nowhere.

And when I saw Kimura-kun's face when I asked him about Reina, I was convinced.

—Reina Kamisu vanished.

It's not simple death. She erased everything of her existence, everything related to it, and vanished. Without leaving anyone anything of herself, and completely revoking the fact that a person named Reina Kamisu has ever existed, she disappeared.

With the exception of me, her best friend.

But even I only have a few empty memories left — much like a drop of soda on the edge of an empty can. I don't remember where we met, how we became friends, or where we went apart from the aquarium. Nothing.

Those memories will soon wither as well, erasing her existence once and for all.

Reina is disappearing.

Reina, who was everything of me, is disappearing.

So—there is no reason for me to be '''here''' anymore.

I climb on the fence. It's 15cm wide, so I can stand without a problem.

I consider taking off my shoes, but I decide against it; I'm not trying to commit suicide or anything.

I'm merely going to see Reina.

Of course, I can't be sure if can meet her like that. It's just the absurd thought that if she isn't here, she must be "there." It's about as absurd as thinking that a bird can fly past the sky into the space.

But I can't think of anything else.

There is no other way, and if that's the only way, why should I not try it? There's nothing that stops me. Let me repeat that: I have no reason to be '''here''', so there is nothing that stops me.

I suddenly recall what I said to Kimura-kun.

—To take revenge.

Yeah, a petty revenge. By bringing me the keys, you got yourself involved in what is going to happen now, didn't you?

I wonder if he'll be having some pangs of remorse, even though he might not care about me?

I look down, and shrink back a little, scared of the imminent pain that I almost forgot about. That's going to hurt. Ten times... hundred times more than a syringe. But I mustn't flinch.

What is important to me? Meeting Reina. Being together with Reina.

That's all that counts. That's all...

Yes, with vigor!

Because I feel like I can get farther that way.

I take a vigorous leap.

Suddenly, the world spins and changes completely. Unable to properly grasp this unexpected world, I almost pass out.

I can only tell that it's not the place where I wanted to go. I have found myself in a tragic play.

Aah... did I fail? Did I make the wrong decision after all...?

But—

Just as I am about to give up, I realize that I've won the wager.

"Reina..."

Reina is right before my eyes.

"Reina, I missed you..."

She gives me her gentle and absurdly beautiful smile.

"Reina... tell me: where are you?"

"I am—" she answers.

"I am '''here'''. Kamisu Reina is — '''here'''."

Ah, right.

Why didn't I notice such a simple thing?

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Kamisu Reina Series|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Atsushi Kogure|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Fumi Saito

2013-09-08T10:12:06Z

MatrixM: /* 3 */

==1==

I don't have any friends.

Not because I hate talking to others, or because I'm mistrustful, or because I'm too lazy to cultivate contacts. It's not like I deliberately want to avoid making friends; put plain and simple, I'm just unable to make any.

My mom always tells me that it's no big deal, since I'm smart and my grades are good, but from my perspective ''that's'' no big deal. She doesn't know how cumbersome school is for people who can't make friends.

Just like right now: Even though it's break time and everyone's engaged in chats, I'm sitting here alone as if I were in another dimension. It gets even worse during the lunch break, when I wordlessly munch away on my lunch while all my classmates put their desks together and eat together—I always feel like a castaway on a desert island surrounded by the vast ocean.

From time to time I wonder if all the other people are just aliens wearing human disguises who are deceiving me, the last living earthling.

Ridiculous. Ridiculous, indeed, but that proves how alone I feel when I'm at school.

Because I have nothing to do between classes, I started reading books in my free time even though I don't really like doing so. Thanks to that, I've become even harder to approach and widened the gap between me and my classmates even further. It's a vicious cycle: I'm mistaken for someone who likes being alone, even though that's downright wrong. I'd love to chitchat, too! I want to chat about who's the coolest guy in our class or who my favorite member in whatever boyband is too! But I'm ignored. I'm only reluctantly approached by others when absolutely necessart.

Why am I unable to make friends? What makes me different from everyone else? Since I have nothing to do anyway, I often mull over this question.

It must be because I'm ugly. I have a lot of pimples, my eyes are small, and my nose is flat, just like my breasts. But do I really look that terrible? I don't think so. It's wrong to blame my looks, at any rate.

It's my communication skills. Right, I'm not good at talking to others. But why is that? Because I'm always cautious? Because I get nervous when I'm talked to? No, that's not all there is to it. That's just another vicious cycle that started because I don't often talk to others.

The root cause must be that... I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of being thought of as an oddball. I'm scared of spoiling the mood by making an inappropriate remark. I'm scared of others' opinions of me.

Before I know it, I'm gazing at Mizuhara-san's group in the second row by the window. Mizuhara-san is sort of the leader of this class, and as such has lots of friends. They seem to be having a lot of fun. They're really enviable.

But even among the members of such a close group, I'm sure that people could name others in the same group who they don't like. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has characteristics that might cause resentment. I, for one, have lots of them.

Therefore, it must be impossible to make friends for me.

But that's okay.

I may have no normal friends, but I do have a best friend.

I have one irreplaceable best friend—

—Reina Kamisu.

"You're too kind, Fumi, that's your problem."

That's what Reina said to me on our way home when I told her about my take on why I can't make any friends.

The smile she flashed while saying that was so stunning that I couldn't help admiring her for a few moments. Her long hair is the purest raven-black and so smooth that it's unthinkable to find any split ends, while her body is curvy like a model's, unlike my immature development.

Reina is truly beautiful. Absurdly beautiful.

"I'm kind...? I don't think so. I just don't want to be hurt."

"But isn't that what makes you kind?"

"Why so?"

"I mean, it's not like everyone else ''wants'' to be hurt, right? They don't want to be hurt, either."

"But they get along with each other."

"Yeah. Then what distinguishes you from them? Let me tell you: You're sensitive to the wounds of others. You are scared of being hurt, Fumi, but you're also scared of hurting someone."

Well, of course I don't want to hurt others randomly.

"That's why you are very kind to everyone."

"Reina..."

I'm really grateful for her words.

But I know that in truth I'm just a coward. Reina has merely put a sugar-sweet coating around the word ''coward'' before handing it to me.

But that thoughtfulness of hers makes me happy.

Aah, Reina sure is peerless. Even though she's only in the third year of middle school like me, she's so different.

"You're so lucky, Reina..."

"Mm? Why?"

"I mean... you're pretty and you're smart... I can't help thinking that God treats us unjustly."

Yeah, God is unjust. If he wasn't, Reina and I wouldn't be living in the same world. I suppose God doesn't get around to balancing out everything that he's created, and passes us around even more carelessly than workers do with products on a conveyor belt.

Everyone knows that. But I'm not mature enough yet to accept that I'm "inferior".

"That's not true! You're cute, Fumi," she responds with a kind smile, reading my mind.

"...I'm not. That sounds a bit like sarcasm if it's you, you know...?"

"Ah, that's totally mean! But Fumi... while some people like you prefer me, there are also some people who would prefer you!"

"No."

"But there are! At least there's one, right here," Reina says as she points at herself and smiles.

"But—"

"If," she interrupts me, "If for argument's sake, there were more people who prefer me over you, why should you care? Numbers don't mean anything. Or do you want to be in the spotlight like an idol?"

"That's not it."

"Then there's nothing to worry about, is there? There's at least one person right here who thinks you are irreplaceable. Or are you not satisfied with that?"

"Mmm! I couldn't wish for more!"

"...I see."

Reina puts on her kind smile again, which makes me kind of ashamed of my behavior.

Aah... I'm still such a child. Silly me. Really. I bet Reina thinks that I'm jealous of her beauty, which is actually true. I'm so filthy. Now she's lost faith in me. I'm sure.

"...Fumi, you're blaming yourself, aren't you?"

"Eh?"

"My... you really ''are'' too kind. Do you think I'd taken offense?"

"But——"

"No buts. You're being a little rude, you know?"

"Eh?"

"Fumi, you are a dear friend of mine. Someone important to me. By acting this way, it almost seems as if you didn't believe me?"

"Ah..."

"Fumi. I'm your best friend, right?"

"Of course!"

I can say this for certain.

"You're an irreplaceable friend, Reina!"

A dear friend who could never be replaced.

If Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long since have—

==2==
Another bad day starts.

The fact that I'm usually alone in the morning only makes it worse; Reina often has to go early to school because of her morning practice in the track and field club. I did once consider leaving the house at the same time as she does, but waiting in the classroom until classes begin is pretty painful as well, and most of all, I don't want to bother her, so I decided against it.

I walk alone to school and head to the shoe lockers to change into my indoor shoes.

"..."

What is this...?

''Morning!'' I hear someone say behind me (of course not to me) and hurriedly close my locker. After waiting for that student to leave, I open it again.

"Oh, eh..."

There is a letter on my indoor shoes.

I reach out, but at a loss what to do, my hand stays there until another student approaches. On the spur of the moment, I cram the letter into my bag.

Oh my, oh my... i-is this a...?

I get uncomfortable. I don't know why that is, but there are too many people here. I feel like all the people around me are watching me. Whenever a glance crosses my eyes (and I know it just crosses them and doesn't actually perceive me) I feel it piercing through me.

Nobody would care about me, I know that, but I can't help feeling that everybody keeps watching my every step.

Unable to bear the gazes any longer, I escape to the restroom, and hurry into a toilet stall, and take the letter out.

Stuffing it into my bag has left the letter slightly crumpled — sorry to the person who put it into my locker.

I unfold the letter.

"Dear Fumi Saito

I am writing this letter to you because there is something that I have been wanting to tell you.

Please wait in your classroom after school."

That's all there is.

"Ah...hah..." I gasp for air, finally noticing that I haven't breathed while reading.

What is this about? What... what is this about?

As short as it is, I can still see that, objectively, it's probably a love letter. However, it's addressed at me. A love letter addressed at me? Really? Is that possible?

"Of course it's possible!" Reina says right off the bat.

We're on break and have come to the landing of the stairs that lead to the roof. Because the roof is inaccessible, the stairs here are virtually never used by anyone, which is why we often use them when we want to discuss something in secret (although it's mostly me who has something to discuss).

"How can you be so sure?! I mean, we're talking about me here...!"

"As I told you the other day, Fumi: you are a charming girl."

I open my mouth to deny what she said, but then I reconsider, thinking back at how we went round in circles last time.

"So, how about it, Fumi?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"What's your response to that love letter?"

"Ah—"

I had completely forgotten about that because I was fixated on the fact that I'd received one. Right, I still have to respond to it.

"R-Reina, I, I don't know what to do!"

"To start with, how do you feel about that boy?"

"That boy...?"

I unfold the love letter and check again.

"Well, Fumi? How do you feel about him? Do you know each other pretty well? Or not at all, maybe?"

"—None."

"Hm?"

"There's no name."

"Let me... let me take a look."

I give Reina the letter. She inspects the piece of paper from all sides, and eventually heaves a sigh.

"You're right. There's no name."

"...You've received love letters before, right, Reina?"

"Yes, I have."

"Were there any without a name?"

"...Hm... maybe there was one, but I think it was a case where the sender was obvious. I always knew who the letter was from."

"I see..."

I reread the letter. ''"Please wait in your classroom after school"'' — a sincere request to me.

"...What are you going to do?" Reina inquires.

"Don't you know pretty well what I'm going to do, Reina?"

"...Right. Well, it's you after all!" she smiles gloomily.

"Don't... don't wait for me today after you're done with your club activities."

"Why not...?"

"..." I remain silent, unable to give her a proper answer. I don't really know why I asked her that, either. Normally, I would want her with me at such times.

Reina gives me a bright smile, "...Hey, Fumi. You've been wanting to go to the aquarium, haven't you?"

"...Yeah. I love dolphins."

"Let's go there one of these days, then!"

Why would she propose that now?

"...Mm! It's a promise!"

I knew why, and that made me happy.

Classes have ended.

I always stay at school even without receiving such a letter, because I wait for Reina's club activities to end.

Today, however, I had Reina go home herself. I'm alone—alone at waiting for the sender of that letter.

As I gaze at an open book, I ponder over who I want the letter to be from. Kado-kun, the boy who is popular in class because he's good at basketball? Mm, I would be happy. The delinquent of our class, Ashizawa-kun? He's a bit scary, but I think I would appreciate it. How about Kogure-kun, although he's a bit strange? I would probably be a bit wary of him, but still happy. And Dojima-kun, who everyone avoids because he's dirty? I wouldn't want to go out with him, but I would be happy.

It's always a nice thing to be thought of favorably.

But how would I respond when it comes to dating someone?

Right now... I have no such plans, because I don't exactly know what would be expected of me. I'm a bit scared, and I don't know how I should treat the other party.

I guess a proper couple has to kiss? But how does that feel? When do you feel like kissing? How should I react when he wants me to kiss? Would he be hurt when I refused to? I can't refuse then... I don't want to be disliked, after all.

Right. Refusal is no option.

Mm, so it doesn't matter who gave me that letter—I have to obey and ''wait in my classroom after school''.

It has become dark outside. The school is going to be closed soon.

Maybe, no one will come. Maybe, it was a joke. If it was—I would feel a bit calmer.

I stow away the book I have hardly read and just gazed at, and prepare myself for taking my leave, when suddenly, the Mizuhara group enters the classroom. They all belong to the tennis club, so I first thought they came to leave their rackets here.

However, their eyes reveal to me that there's more to it.

Mizuhara-san looks at me. "Heh, so you waited."

"Er..."

The girls around her start to giggle as they watch me getting nervous.

"Did we get your hopes up?" Mizuhara-san asks with a grin.

"Eh, um..."

What should I answer...? What answer do they expect from me?

"Probably... I did get hopes..." I answer honestly.

Suddenly, one of them laughs out loud, unable to hold it in any longer, spurring on the giggling.

"Oh come on, that's stupid! No guy would be interested in a sourpuss like you!"

"Kaho! Don't be so mean to her~!"

"But look...!"

"Well, she ''is'' pretty gullible, but that makes it clear how serious her case is, right?"

"Yeah, she's obviously not used to this kind of stuff."

Without giving me a chance to interrupt, Takatsuki-san and Omi-san keep discussing how dumb and strange I am.

I don't know what to do.

Hopes. Right, I had faint hopes that someone might like me. How stupid of me. That's absurd. Completely impossible.

Right now, there is a clear barrier between the rest of the world and me. Transparent, yet tough like tempered glass. Even though they can see me, no one attempts to read what feelings I hold behind my face. Even though they can hear me, no one attempts to understand the meaning of my words.

It's almost like my eyes perceive something entirely different from everyone else. Whenever I reach out my hands, I can only grasp air.

Alone. I'm alone.

Someone likes me? As if. No one is interested in me in the least, except maybe as someone to tease. As a topic to laugh at.

"...uh..."

Ah... I didn't want to cry... but there goes a tear. This will spoil the party. I'm sorry, but I cried, I'm really sorry.

As I expected, they start making uneasy faces.

Desperately trying not to show them my tears, I cover my eyes.

"Aah... we made her cry. Sorry, Saito-san," Mizuhara-san says gently. "But you know? We didn't mean to hurt you. How should I put it... you always avoid talking to people, no?"

No, I simply ''can't'' talk to people!

"I think that's not a good thing, so I thought that doing this, kind of like a shock treatment, might help you. I didn't mean any harm."

I wonder how much truth there is to that? Maybe that was part of the reason, but how is a fake love letter supposed to get me to speak normally? Was there no other way? Isn't that just a pretext to tease me?

"No offense! Really! ...Will you forgive me?"

However, there is something desperate in her voice that makes me nod as I still keep my eyes covered.

"Aah, thanks a lot... I'm really sorry. Okay, see you."

Once I had forgiven them, they quickly left.

...But Mizuhara-san isn't mean. She may have completely missed the mark, but she did care about me. She does take heed of me.

Yeah, she's not mean. She's not.. mean.

"What a mean bunch!"

My inner dialog is being denied. Surprised by that sudden voice, I look up.

"Ah... Kimura-kun..."

Oh no, he saw my tear-stained face. I must look horrible right now...

"Sorry! I allowed myself to overhear your little conversation," he says with an uneasy expression.

"Mmm! I-It's fine..." These words escape my lips because I want to reassure him.

"...They teased you with a fake love letter, right? That's cruel. She... Mizuhara's always like that. You could say that her hobby is to toy with the feelings of others!" Kimura-kun rants, seeming genuinely angry at her.

Is he angry for my sake? For real? If so, why?

Okay, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to calm him down?

"It's okay, Kimura-kun... I knew it was just a trick."

"You knew it was a trick?" he asks while raising an eyebrow.

"I knew that... it would end like this."

"...But why didn't you ignore the letter, then?"

"———"

I couldn't give him an answer. I have no idea how to put it into words.

"Well, whatever... anyway, if something like this happens again, be sure to let me know!"

"Eh?!"

"W-What? You don't trust me, or what?"

I shake my head furiously. It's only natural that I would get startled — after all, he doesn't profit in any way from helping me.

"You're quite the strange girl... okay, gotta go!" he says as he puts a hand on my head with a smile, after which he left. Unable to make sense of that, I just watched him baffledly.

While walking home alone, I start reflecting on the reason why I couldn't ignore the letter.

I expected the letter to be fake — because there was no name, because the paper used was not typical for boys, and most of all, because I noticed that the writer had deliberately tried to fake her handwriting.

However, what if, as unlikely as it is, the love letter had been real? In that case, ignoring it would have hurt that person. I would have betrayed that person and his sincere request ''to have me wait''. I couldn't do that. Absolutely not.

Besides, I couldn't have ignored it either way: the person who wanted to make a joke at my expense wished for me to take on the role of a fool. Had I ignored that request, I would have betrayed their expectations. I would have spoiled their fun. I would have fallen into their disfavor.

That's why I was unable to ignore the letter.

Did I make the right choice? No, I'm sure I didn't. If I were right—

—It wouldn't hurt so much.

Reina.

It hurts, Reina!

I don't want to be '''here''', it hurts!

For the first time in a long time, I have to face that thought again. That thought I always held before meeting Reina.

Right, if Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long have—died.

I have thought about dying countless times.

I'm sure there is no such thing like happy times.

Adult people lie when they speak of their supposedly happy youth. If they don't, then nostalgia must have warped their memories, because they couldn't endure the absence of hope in reality otherwise. Thinking that back in the day, everything used to be better, in order to put up with the present.

This leads to my hypothesis:

Life is and will always be hopeless. We live our pitch-dark lives as we cling to shiny shards that appear every now and then, and then we think back at those shards with a nostalgic smile on our faces. Like fools.

However, I don't have a past to take refuge. I don't have a past to romanticize in my mind when I lose hope in reality. I have no other choice but to accept that life is filled with despair from bottom to top.

Therefore, the only place I can escape to is death.

''Don't think of suicide'', people say. But is that statement backed by actual thought? You shall not kill. Of course. You shall not steal. Of course. You shall not commit suicide. Of course. The answer is so obvious that there is no place for doubt. Those statements must be perfectly true. Dazzlingly true.

You have to walk an endless muddy path that has no significance whatsoever, and you are naturally not allowed to break out. What a hopeless system.

What do you want me to do? What the hell am I supposed to do?

Someone save me! Give me hope! No, I won't be so greedy. Please someone, just notice that I'm walking this path and say a few gentle words to me...

"Fumi."

Surprised by the voice that calls out to me at the perfect moment, I raise my head.

"Reina..."

Only after speaking these words do I notice that I have been crying.

"You told me to go home, but you didn't tell me not to come meet you, right?" she smiles gently at me.

"...I can't."

Even though she understands what I mean, she gently embraces me.

"...It was painful, wasn't it?"

I can't... I just can't anymore!

I'll depend on you, Reina! I'll lean against you! I'll entrust my life to you!

"It's okay," she whispers to me. "I won't betray you."

"—!"

I clearly understand now why I had Reina go home earlier.

It's because I knew that she would comfort me. Because I knew that I would depend on her.

What is the consequence of that?

I have long lost my balance to be '''here''', and needed something to take refuge in.

Needless to say, Reina Kamisu has taken on the role of my refuge, of my shelter.

But now, because of her embrace, I have completely become dependent on her. Maybe that has already been the case for a long time, but either way, I can no longer exist without Reina.

In order to prevent that, I have sent her home.

"...Reina...I..."

"It's okay. Don't worry. I'll... take on your burden."

Her words pierce through me.

I feel how my entire body starts to melt into Reina's body. Slowly but surely, I fade into her.

Such bliss.

I realize that this is what it means to be accepted by someone.

"Uh...gh...," I moan as my tears push up. They fall onto Reina, producing small ripples. I always thought my tears would only fall to the ground, but I was wrong — they have reached Reina's heart.

I am part of Reina, and—

—Reina is everything of me.

==3==

I am changing. The liquid "Reina" is continuously being poured into the container "I", while the liquid "I" is overflowing from that container.

The container is still me, but its contents are Reina; Reina has become my essence.

I still hardly speak anything in the classroom (although Kimura-kun, whose desk is behind mine, talks to me from time to time), but I don't feel depressed anymore.

I am not alone.

That belief gives me strength. That thought I have been holding has gone somewhere far away.

I don't care about anything, as long as Reina is with me.

That's what I thought. That's what I believed.

But not in my wildest dreams did I expect that things could still get worse.

"I can't find my wallet!" Mizuhara-san screams agitatedly.

Everyone present at the homeroom after classes, our class teacher Kosugi-sensei included, focuses on her as she desperately searches for her wallet. The member of her group are watching her worriedly. For a few moments, the classroom lapses into silence, until someone checks if their own wallet is still there, and the others follow suit. I don't bring my wallet to school, but I reach into my pocket nonetheless in order not to be the odd one out.

By the time everyone has confirmed that their money is safe, Mizuhara-san is sitting still in her seat, visibly troubled. Kosugi-sensei walks toward her.

"Have you found it?"

"No..."

"Are you sure that it was there?"

"Absolutely."

"Understood," the teacher says with a frown and goes back to the teacher's desk. "All right, as you surely heard, Mizuhara has lost her wallet. Of course, this may be some sort of misunderstanding on her end, but—" he starts and explains in a ridiculously roundabout way that there is a chance that a member of this class might have stolen her wallet.

The likelihood of pickpocketing is high, considering what the missing item is. Not far in the past, there has been a fuss over a stolen mp3-player.

Mizuhara-san, convinced that it was a theft, is visibly angered, and so are the members of her group, influenced by her.

"Does anyone have a clue where her wallet might be?" the teacher asks.

The students just exchange glances. The teacher isn't expecting any answers, either — the culprit or those who know who did it wouldn't speak up right now.

Or so I thought. But I was wrong.

Kimura-kun reluctantly raises his hand.

"Kimura, do you know something?"

"No, not exactly... but there's something that bothers me."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think that it's common to take the wallet when stealing money. Normally, you would just pull out the contents, right? In fact, that's how the theft in class 5 happened."

"...Perhaps."

"Besides, it would make more sense to steal the money of all members of this class instead of only Mizuhara-san's. Yet, she's the only victim."

"What are you getting at?"

"What I want to say is that it's either a misunderstanding or a vicious joke toward Mizuhara-san."

"It's absolutely not a misunderstanding!" Mizuhara-san disagrees loudly. "Someone has played a trick on me!"

"A trick, hm? How much was in your wallet, if I may ask?"

"...1000 yen and change, but so what?" she answers grumpily.

"So it can't be because of the money, then. It looks like the goal of the culprit was teasing Mizuhara-san; and wouldn't that narrow down the list of suspects to a manageable number?" Kimura-kun says, causing everyone to exchange glances again.

That means that the culprit has a grudge against her, or at least doesn't think favorably of her?

Arriving at this thought—

—I notice that eyes are starting to focus on me.

"Huh...?"

A few students who aren't looking at me notice that a few of their classmates are focusing on me, and thus follow suit. On seeing that, yet another person gazes at me. All eyes are pinned on me.

Why? Why would they look at me?

This makes it seem like... like—

Our teacher, too, notices that I'm the center of attention, and looks at me, only to move his gaze on to Mizuhara-san. I follow his glance.

For some reason, she makes a face of realization.

"Saito," the teacher says to me in a stern voice, causing me to wince.

Just because he called my name? ...Yes, but I but I'm not so dumb as to not understand the situation. To me, this is just like a — death sentence.

"Do you know something?"

"Eh? Ah...er..."

I don't know anything! I'm innocent! But... I fail to say so properly.

"What's wrong? I have asked you a question, Saito."

But he's suspecting me.

"Uh..."

Everyone is looking at me, suspecting me — that's more than enough to make me lose my tongue, but they do not see that.

They understand it like so: I'm panicking because I've been busted, because I'm the culprit.

I'm perfectly aware of that, and I know that I must absolutely answer his question with confidence, but yet I find myself unable to do so.

"I... I..."

If someone was here who understand my personality — if Reina was here — she could explain it to them, but she's not here.

She's not here.

I don't have any supporters here.

"I don't... I don't know any—"

"Kosugi-sensei," Mizuhara-san says, cutting my desperate words short. I look at her in wonder.

There is no anger in her face anymore.

"What is it, Mizuhara?"

"I did something to Saito-san that may have made her hold a grudge against me. I... I played a trick on her. Thinking about it now... that was mean of me," she says with tears in her eyes. "But I... I did it because I thought I could help her to open herself!"

Surprised at what she said, I gaze at her. The sorrowful expression on her face isn't faked. Mizuhara-san is honest.

However, it's unclear to me whether she really tried to open my heart with that fake love letter, or just persuaded herself of that noble goal because of the situation she has found herself in.

Whatever the answer is, there is one thing that has become a fact.

Her words have settled my position.

"..."

All eyes fixed on me.

Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.

Like light projected through a loop, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

There is no suspicion in them anymore.

It's been decided.

It's been decided that I am the culprit.

"N-No, I'm haven—"

"It was YOU!" Takatsuki-san cuts me short. "You were pissed off, but you couldn't defend yourself because you were too scared! That's why you resorted to such a dirty trick — to vent your frustration!"

"Don't say that, Kaho. I'm... I'm also at fault..."

''Also.''

The words Mizuhara-san sobbed subliminally yet clearly implied that I'm the culprit and that she's the victim.

As a result, her words added fuel to the fire. With a fire-red head, Takatsuki-san walks toward me. Fearing to be hit, I cover my head and cower.

However, she did not come to hit me. Her goal was my bag. She picks it up, opens it, turns it upside town and pours its contents onto my desk.

And for some reason, there is an unfamiliar wallet among the things that fall on my desk. However, someone has mangled it with a cutter.

"...Saito, you are to come to the staff room afterwards."

The moment the teacher says so, uncontrollable sobbing resounds through the classroom.

Needless to say, it was Mizuhara-san.

I look around.

Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes.

Like an ice pick, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

Reina isn't '''here'''.

In other words—no one is '''here'''.

I don't have any supporters '''here'''.

The next day, my desk has disappeared.

Up until now, I have merely been air for everyone, but from now on, they won't even grant me to be air anymore.

I'm not even allowed to exist.

A missing desk in a classroom is like a missing piece in a puzzle; but in this case it's my desk that is missing. I must be the only one who feels that a piece is missing — for everyone else, the puzzle is completed.

I go to the veranda and move the desk and the chair back to their original place. Original place? Really? No, perhaps the original place where my seat is supposed to be is not in the classroom, but at the veranda.

But while that may be true... I don't want to notice.

White, everything turns white.

Everything besides Reina and me turns white.

Like a novel lacking spaces, I'm unable to make sense of the white world '''here'''. They disappear. Everything besides me flees out of reach.

Or perhaps—

I'm the one who is lacking color.

The lunch break ends without my talking to anyone.

I really haven't spoken a word, since I couldn't meet Reina, either. Not one word has been spoken for me or toward me.

People have stopped speaking to me. No, that's no news, but at least previously, there was no ill will in that.

I wasn't even allowed of the absolute minimum of conversation. Even Kimura-kun wasn't able to overcome the magnetic field around me that has emerged in class.

"..."

I was aware of it.

I was aware of it, but this makes it clear.

No one cares if I just disappeared.

The world wouldn't disappear when I disappeared. The blue sky would completely ignore me and not even let it rain. No one cares whatever happens to me. I'm absolutely separated from the rest of the world.

Again, a familiar thought assaults me.

—I... I can't endure it anymore, Reina!

Why? What have I done? I didn't want to be disliked. That's all... I just shut myself into my little box because I was afraid of getting hurt, yet why do they pierce it with spears?

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

Save me Reina, save me Reina, save me rena, savemerena.

"They're all so mean."

"—Huh?"

Reina stands before my eyes.

"'Huh'? What is it, Fumi?"

"Ah, mmm... nothing."

Classes have ended; I have caught Reina when she was about to go to her club and consulted her at our usual spot on the stairs to the roof.

Yes, that sounds perfectly natural.

Why is it then that something felt fatally off? There's no reason.

"Why would they think that you're the culprit without conclusive proof? There's no way you would that."

"...Well, they don't know my personality. Besides, Mizuhara-san's wallet was in my bag, so it's natural that they would think that I did it."

"Yes, but Fumi... why was that wallet in your bag, anyway?"

"Because—"

I don't really want to think about it...

"...The first reason that comes to mind would be because someone is trying to set you up."

"...Yeah, most likely." Unless I have a split personality. "...Someone who hates me?"

"I... I don't think so. You're not one to make a lot of enemies... I think that someone simply thought that it would be easy to lay the blame on you."

Perhaps.

But anyway, someone hated me enough to be fine with putting the blame on me.

"That's just heartless! We have to find and teach that culprit a lesson!"

"No... no need to!"

"Why? Aren't you suffering under the current situation?"

"I am. I am, but..."

"But?"

"The problem isn't new. It's merely surfaced now..."

"That's not... I mean, you weren't particularly unpopular..."

"You think so? I'm pretty sure it was a matter of time. For example, if Mizuhara-san's position and mine had been reversed, I most likely would have ended up with the short end of the stick."

"No, you're—"

Reina is at a loss for words. When it comes to deciding who is at fault, it doesn't matter what was done, but who did it. Between a teacher and a student, the student will be the bad one; between a honor student and a delinquent, the delinquent will be the bad one; between a beautiful person and an ugly person, the ugly person will be the bad one.

And of course, between Mizuhara-san and me, I will be the bad one.

In other words, the result has been decided all along.

Smart as Reina is, she realizes that.

"...That's not true!"

Reina doesn't believe her own words, and looking at her face, she is blaming herself for faltering.

...But there's nothing to blame herself for, since it's a fact.

"Reina."

"Hm?"

"You're still on my side, right?"

"Of course I am!"

Good.

I have a supporter. I have a irreplaceable friend. I have Reina.

So I may still be here.

"Ah—" Reina suddenly says, so I follow her gaze.

"Um..."

Kimura-kun is standing there, seemingly feeling a bit out-of-place.

"...Kimura-kun? What's the matter?"

"Ah, yes... can you spare a minute?" he asks reluctantly.

"Y-Yeah... what is it?"

"To come straight to the point, Ashi-chan told me to call you out, because I happened to know that you're here sometimes."

"Ashi-chan?"

"I'm talking about Ashizawa-kun! Toshiki Ashizawa."

The bad-mannered Ashizawa-kun...? What would he want from me?

Whatever it is, it can't be good for me. Kimura-kun's expression makes this obvious.

"Err... is he... angry?"

"..."

He just gazes closely at me, and eventually averts his eyes.

"...He is?"

"Saito-san. It might be better if you didn't go," he mutters with eyes cast away.

...It looks like it's more serious than I thought. But if I don't go, Ashizawa-kun's aversion toward me will only grow.

I—don't want that. I don't want to be avoided even more because of a misunderstanding.

"...I'm going."

"Okay..." he says as if he was going to get a beating from Ashizawa-kun.

"Fumi," Reina addresses me in a worried tone.

"I'll be fine," I smile and wave her goodbye.

Brought to our classroom (Kimura-kun immediately left for his club), Ashizawa-kun drives me into a corner, and without any time for confusion, I am surrounded by his buddies, Takatsuki-san and the other members of the group, while a few of my other classmates are watching from a safe distance. Mizuhara-san is here as well, but watching from afar with an uneasy expression.

"Okay. Do you know what this is?" Ashizawa-kun says in an oppressive voice as he holds something against my face. It's hard to see from such a short distance, but I can recognize that it's Mizuhara-san's wallet.

"—"

I try to answer, but the words stick in my throat. Everyone is watching me closely and with blatant enmity; I feel that I'm not allowed to speak. I'm scared.

His right arm, which is right beside my head, might lose it any moment. He definitely wants to. He is angry. And the perfect target to vent his anger on is right before his eyes.

I'm scared! Why are they looking at me like that? I can't say anything! I'm not allowed to speak!

"Hey! I asked you what the fuck this is!" he yells. His right arm is twitching.

"It's a... wallet..."

"Whose wallet?"

"Mizuhara-san's..."

"Right. It's Yuu's wallet."

Yuu? Come to think of it, that's Mizuhara-san's first name.

"It's the wallet I gave her for her birthday. It's the wallet you cut up with a goddamn cutter!" he says, some of his saliva flying on my face.

Anger has made him lose more than half of his reasoning. Had I been a guy, he would have beaten me up already long ago.

"You knew that Yuu's dating Toshiki, didn't you?" Takatsuki-san says with a scary face. "And you also knew that this wallet was a present from him, right?"

I don't. I had no idea that they were a couple. Such rumors don't reach me at all.

"That's why you stole the wallet when you were pissed off, no? You can't hide it!"

No, I didn't do anything!

But I can't say that. Even if I did and explained myself, they wouldn't believe me.

"Do you get that? This isn't something you can make up for with fucking money!"

His right hand moves. I reflexively close my eyes. However, he could somehow control himself and hit the wall behind me.

I mind goes blank like white paint. I'm trembling all over.

What am I supposed to do? I'm scared! Please, don't hurt me. I haven't done anything!

"Save me..."

I mutter at last, cornered and intimidated.

"Save me..."

At first, the others seem to think that I am begging toward them, but they quickly realize that's not the case and are taken aback.

"Save me..."

I seek help. Of course, there is only one person I would seek help from.

"Save me... Reina."

I didn't want to get Reina involved, so I tried to solve the matter without her coming with me.

But I failed.

I imagine how her long her sways as Reina appears and swiftly frees me from their claws. I have a feeling that this picture will become reality. And then she will smile at me with her absurdly beautiful face, "Everything is all right, Fumi."

—However, Reina didn't come.

That sweet illusion took me from the ground to the clouds, to the pinnacle. But at the end of the day, I keep crawling on the ground in reality. I am thrown off the pinnacle again.

"Uh...uh..."

Unable to hold it in, I start to cry.

Thrown off course by my tears, the signs for violence disappear, even though Ashizawa-kun is still visibly angered.

"What?! Do you think we'll forgive you if you cry?!" Takatsuki-san shouts as she draws near to me. "Besides, there's no one who would want to 'save' someone like ''you''!"

"But there is..."

"Who? Your mom? A teacher? They would only help you because it's their duty!"

"There is!"

"And who would that be?! Good lord, you are—"

"Reina! Reina Kamisu is there for me!" I scream. In a voice that might well have been the strongest in my entire life.

Takatsuki-san—no, everyone present—widen their eyes in response to my powerful shout. I'm surprised by myself, too, but I don't regret it.

Because that's the one thing that I will not allow anyone to disagree with me.

I do have an irreplaceable friend.

I do have Reina Kamisu.

I won't let anyone say otherwise.

Taking advantage of their confusion, I escape. I escape from ''them''. I no longer need anything. Nothing.

All I need is Reina.

As long as Reina is with me, I'm perfectly fine.

==4==
As promised, Reina and I went to the aquarium.

There are more visitors than expected for a workday, most of which are families with children and young couples around twenty years old. Probably because they are not as restricted in time.

And of course, we are the only middle schoolers around.

"Reina, are you sure you don't need to go to school?"

"It's fine, but what about you, Fumi?"

"I don't mind at all."

I'm not welcome at school, anyway. My parents won't notice that I'm skipping, either, unless they get a call from school. In fact, ditching school today has made me wonder why I haven't done this sooner.

I look through the glass into the water tank.

Pretty fishes. That's all that comes to mind. They belong to the species ''Chaetodon auripes'', but I'm going to forget that in a few seconds. Therefore, I only feel that they're pretty.

But that's fun.

"Oh, look, Fumi! Lots of jellyfish!"

"Cool."

"I love jellyfish."

"You do? Why?"

"Hm? Well... I wonder why? Maybe because... they don't look a lot like living beings?"

They don't look like living beings — now that she mentions it, she has a point. Inside an aquarium, they still feel a bit like living beings, but when they are held in a water tank at home, they're more like decoration. Decoration that shines and pulsates. When jellyfish are put into a tank in a house, their role changes from a ''living being'' to ''decoration''.

"Besides, jellyfish kind of stand out. All other fishes here are just ''fishes'', but jellyfish fell like entirely different beings. Ah, I'm not making sense, am I?"

"No, I know what you mean. You want to say that jellyfish are simply jellyfish, right?"

"Ah, yes, sort of. Jellyfish are simply jellyfish."

Jellyfish are simply jellyfish.

Looking at Reina, who is gazing into the water tank, I think:

''Reina's also like that.''

Reina Kamisu is simply Reina Kamisu.

Absurdly beautiful, completely different from everyone else, and my only supporter.

Reina notices my glance.

"...What's wrong, Fumi?" she asks.

"Mm, nothing."

She tilts her head.

"Reina... the dolphin show is starting!"

"Hm? Oh, you're right. Okay, let's hurry up."

Slightly swift-footed, walk to the stadium where the dolphin show takes place.

On the way there, we come past a tank in which a large number of fishes are herding together and keep rotating restlessly.

Don't they get tired? I don't only mean physically, but also mentally. Rotating all the time won't get them any farther, after all; they could just as well stay still from the start. If they don't want to get anywhere, is it their goal to continue doing this until they can't move anymore? Don't they feel that such a life is futile?

But the fishes keep rotating, not caring about my thoughts.

The seats at the stadium are being occupied from the back to the front.

"Let's go to the front row, Reina."

"Eh? We'll get wet!"

"I know, but I want to watch the dolphins from as close as possible."

With a wry but gentle smile, she follows me to the first row and takes a seat.

"By the way, Fumi, I told you why I like jellyfish, but what's your reason for liking dolphins?"

"Hm... because they're adorable."

"That's all?"

"No, apart from that..."

Before I can continue, the woman in charge of the show begins the narration, starting with a brief explanation on the ecology of dolphins (where their nose is, that they hear sounds through their bones, etc.).

And then the show begins.

As several dolphins leap into the air to greet us, I am already enchanted.

They are pretty big when you actually see them — their jumps are spectacular and cause the children in the audience to shout in joy. They look so majestic yet adorable.

As they land again, water spills toward us. I instinctively shrink back. While it doesn't reach my clothes, my shoes get slightly wet.

Awesome! That's just awesome! Dolphins are great!

During the show, they jumped through rings, returned balls the woman had thrown to them, and swam around in circles... in a nutshell, it was awesome and I was absorbed.

"Dolphins sure are intelligent..." Reina suddenly says.

"Totally!" I respond immediately.

"Hahaha, you really love them, don't you? Is their smartness also a reason why—"

"Yeah!"

The show reaches the climax, which features a trick where three dolphins have to simultaneously jump over a stick that is set up at an extremely high position.

"And you know, dolphins send out ultrasonic waves and determine the position of objects through the reflected waves!"

"Just like bats."

"Hmm... I don't want to think of them in the same category, but yeah."

The dolphins ready themselves no the signal by the woman.

Are they able to jump so high? Well, they wouldn't be doing this if they couldn't, but I'm afraid that one of them might not make it.

I hold my breath.

The dolphins stand side by side (can you say that in this case?) and — jump.

"Whoa!"

It was a feast for the eyes.

With a grand splash, the three dolphins land in the water, raising a few large waves.

"Incredible..." I say in blank astonishment.

Looking at the wavy pool, I arrive at the thought that dolphins might be the cause for the never-ceasing waves of the sea.

"Hey, Fumi? Dolphins can communicate through sounds, right?"

"Yeah. Although it's unknown how sophisticated their conversations are. I for one believe that their communication skills are just as high as ours."

"I see... that would be nice."

"Mm! Actually, another reason why I love dolphins is because they can communicate with one another!"

"Oh, nice."

The show ends and the visitors start to leave while the dolphins are bidding them farewell by swimming around and doing individual performances.

"You know, when I learned that dolphins can communicate through sounds, I was jealous of them," I murmur while watching their performance.

"...jealous?" Reina asks puzzledly, tilting her head to the side.

"..."

I waver if I should explain it to her. If I continue, I will spoil the joyful mood.

"I think that communication through words is too complicated for me."

But I don't want to have secrets from Reina.

"Fumi..."

"I'm sure that even I would have been able to get friends if we had other ways of communicating..."

"You have me, Fumi!"

"...Mm."

These words of hers are enough for me.

"But you know, lately I've come to think that..."

"Hm?"

"I think that I might have become 'like that'."

"...'like that'?"

Unable to answer her, I look at the dolphins again, which are busy showing their performances. One of them is waving us goodbye with its fin.

I wave back.

And that's what I mean.

I am waving my hand because I freely interpret the dolphin's waving his fin as "goodbye." Our actions aren't in line at all.

Right, as deplorable as it is, I can't talk with dolphins.

But that isn't limited to dolphins.

My language has become different from everyone else's, and that's why I can't get through to anyone. My words don't reach anyone.

Except for Reina.

My way of communication has become different. And that's why I'm getting disconnected and disappearing.

We leave the aquarium, which is in the center of an aquatic park. I walk up to a bench and sit down. Reina sits down next to me.

"Reina? Would you..."

Reina looks at me when I suddenly start to talk.

"Would you be okay if we were the only humans on earth?"

I look around. There's no one nearby apart from Reina, which isn't that surprising for a workday afternoon. We're alone. I wouldn't be in the least concerned if the world closed up right now and we were left behind just by the two of us.

"Hm... it would be pretty troublesome because we'd have no electricity..."

"And if you think about it without such concerns?"

Reina gazes closely at my face, and answers with a smile:

"In that case, that wouldn't sound too bad."

"Really?"

"Really!"

I look at her. Aah, she isn't saying it just because. I'm happy, I really am.

After all, she's different from me! Unlike me, she is loved by a lot of people. Despite that, she would be with me.

"But you know, Reina, your mom would...be—"

—Reina's mom?

At once I get suspicious and stop.

A lot of people?

Well, there must be a lot. She's beautiful and nice, unlike me. But—

—But who is that, in specific?

"Fumi...?"

"Hey, Reina..."

"What's wrong?"

"...I've never been at your home, have I?"

"Are you sure?"

"Where do you live again? Nearby? You must be. After all, you go home together with me."

"What's wrong, Fumi? That's obvious, no?"

"Why is it then that — even though we are close friends — I haven't been at your place?"

"..." Reina remains silent.

Eh? Hold on! What's that supposed to mean?

We're best friends, no matter how you look at it, so why do I have no idea who her friends and her family is, and where she lives?

"By the way, Reina—"

"Don't say it!" she cuts my question short.

"Reina...?"

"Don't go farther than that..." she says sorrowfully and averts her eyes.

There are circumstances...? I don't know what it is, but Reina has a reason not to tell me about her.

Everyone has things that he doesn't want or can't say.

But,

But—

"—That's mean!"

"...Huh?"

"Aren't we best friends? We shouldn't keep any secrets from one another! Or was I the only one who felt that way? Hm?"

"No!"

"But then!"

"It's no good, Fumi!"

"Why? I don't understand, Reina!" I shout and as I do, I notice that a tear is flowing down my cheek, which leaves Reina speechless.

Cold air pulsates between us. That... hasn't happened before. This is the first time that we're surrounded by such cold air.

My feelings had reached Reina. She knows that I wouldn't ever hate or make fun of her.

There is no reason to have secrets.

There should be none.

Yet—

"I can't say it," she says distinctly.

"Why would you..."

Rejection.

No, that's not it. That can't be it. Reina would never want to hurt me. It's something... it must be something that she can't say despite that.

Of course I can understand that.

But—

"Don't doubt me."

I can't help but feel that she is rejecting me.

"Uh..."

Therefore, a drop falls from my eyes.

And once I realize that it's a ''tear'', they start to overflow like a waterfall. Aah, I'm crying way too often lately! Man, I don't want to show anyone my tears. I don't want to bother anyone. But they won't stop.

I press my head against my knees as I burst out crying.

"—Fumi."

Reina's voice.

Reina's gentle voice.

"I'm sorry."

All I could perceive was my own crying voice, which is why I didn't notice what was happening.

I kept crying like an idiot, and when I raised my head—

—Reina wasn't there.

"Reina...?"

I looked and ran around searching for her.

But she was nowhere to be found.

Reina isn't anywhere anymore.

I was standing there in the wide, empty aquatic park, left behind alone in the world.

==5==

People have erasers in their hearts.

While their efficiency differs from person to person — some of them are even incapable of erasing at all — anyone can use their eraser.

Rub, rub. Okay, away with you. You're an eyesore. Please go away. Rub, rub.

Two weeks have passed since the incident of Mizuhara-san's wallet. One week since I went to the aquarium with Reina.

Even after such a time span, no one is talking to me. Like on the previous days, I'm just sitting in my seat, which isn't supposed to be here, and gazing out of the window.

I have faded a lot.

Yet, they keep erasing me. Rub, rub.

Day by day, I am being erased. Bit by bit, I am fading. Rub, rub. Most of my existence has turned into eraser crumbs and gets wiped off my desk.

It's not going to get better. They have already become so used to rubbing me out that no one is having any doubts about it, let alone feelings of guilt. I'll keep being erased mechanically. If there is any human emotion involved, then it's slight irritation because their erasers get worn with use.

And Reina is still missing in this white and fading world.

Why? I'm not going to hold out like this! Reina... why did you leave me, Reina?

Why won't you appear before me? Even if you have secrets, that should be no obstacle for us!

Or do you hate me now?

Whatever it is, I want to see you!

I want to see you, I want to see you, I want to see you!

But no matter how much I beg, Reina doesn't appear.

And somewhere I know that she never will.

There is no meaning anymore.

In this classroom there is only irrelevant noise, irrelevant pictures, irrelevant classmates, and my irrelevant self.

There is no meaning anymore.

There is no meaning... in being '''here'''.

"—Goodbye," I whisper as I stand up.

The teacher is saying something. Ah, I was in the middle of having a 'lesson'?

Oh, he's angry. But I don't get what it's all about — after all, he isn't saying it for me, is he?

Oh, he's not angry anymore. But I wonder why he is looking at me like that? It's the first time someone does that, so I don't know what it means. But it looks a bit like he is scared.

I leave the classroom.

Far away behind me, the class is making a fuss, but it's irrelevant to me. Irrelevant. Completely irrelevant.

I'm sitting alone on the landing in the middle of the stairway to the roof. It's the second time since I've come here that the school building is getting noisy. What time is it? The first noise was probably the lunch break, so it must be the end of school today?

Reina. Will I ever see her again?

For some reason, I feel that I won't. I've been feeling that ever since she disappeared from me in that aquatic park. But so what? What about it? That doesn't change anything — I still need her, so much, so desperately.

Reina is all of me. Nothing remains if you take her from me. I'm empty. A wobbly lump that has no bones.

"Aah..."

What should I do? How can I meet Reina? I don't know! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?

Suddenly, I hear someone walking up the stairs.

I ready myself. It might be him — he might have come like I wanted.

"...Saito-san."

Kimura-kun appears before me.

"Kimura-kun... so you came to talk with me..."

"Yeah... I have no reasons to refuse if you call me out..."

Right. I have placed a letter into his shoe locker to call him here. Like Mizuhara-san did.

"I also brought this here with me. It was a pain to get past the eyes of the teachers," he explains as he holds out the keys to the roof.

"Mm. Thank you," I say and accept the keys from his visibly trembling hands. Perhaps, he has realized why I called him out here.

"..." he remains silent.

"Are you not going to ask...?"

"Ask what...?" he says clumsily.

"Why I had you bring me the keys to the roof."

After a few moments, he reluctantly asks, "Why?"

To tell the truth, I'm not sure how to answer him, either. Because maybe — no, for sure — my answer is going to hurt him.

But that's okay, isn't it? Kimura-kun is just as irrelevant as my other classmates, after all.

I reply: "To take revenge."

His face freezes instantly.

Oh, so I was right. Finally, I could confirm my suspicions.

"R-Revenge...?" he stutters miserably in bewilderment, and gets even more nervous because of it.

"You cut up Mizuhara-san's wallet and put it into my bag, didn't you?"

"W-Why would you say that...?" he counters, still not admitting to it, even though he knows that he can't talk himself out.

"It's okay! I don't plan to question you about it."

As a matter of fact, I really don't feel like questioning and blaming him. As I once told Reina, I was about to get into this situation anyway — Kimura-kun merely happened to be the one who pressed the switch.

My words seem to have calmed him down a bit.

"B-But... how did you find out?"

Do you really want to know? Isn't that going to be tough on you?

"...Should I answer that?"

Finally noticing the meaning of my answer, he looks down and says, "...No need to."

"Okay."

With these words, I slide the key into the lock.

There are several reasons why I suspected Kimura-kun.

My first doubts were raised when he started to converse with me after I had received the fake love letter. I was aware that Kimura-kun had no feelings for me, so I wondered why he would suddenly become so gentle.

Another clue was the general reaction when Mizuhara-san's wallet got lost. Everyone considered me the culprit right away. In other words, something led them to believe that I had a grudge against her. As far as I know, the only discord between Mizuhara-san and me is that love letter, which means that someone must have broadcast the story. But only her group and I, as well as Kimura-kun knew about it. Of course, I haven't told anyone, and Mizuhara-san and her friends didn't look like they would want to tell everyone about it, either.

But most of all, it was no one else but Kimura-kun who proposed that the culprit must have had a grudge against her. He called their attention to me in a blatant manner.

I don't know why he did that. Maybe he had a grudge against me that I don't know of, or he might have had strong feelings about Mizuhara-san and Ashizawa-kun.

But I don't really care.

His story is irrelevant to me.

I turn the key, and the door opens with a click. I tentatively turn the doorknob — yeah, seems fine.

"...What do you plan on doing on the roof, Saito-san?"

"..." I silently turn around to him.

"Saito-san...?"

I answer his question with a question.

"Hey, Kimura-kun—"

"—Do you happen to know ''Reina Kamisu''?"

Maybe I really thought that Reina would be waiting for me on the other side of the door.

This is a place that no one is allowed to enter, despite being so near. It's a place that we all know exists, yet only few have actually been there. And that's why I felt that I would find her here.

But of course, there is no sign of Reina.

I walk to the center of the roof and spin around.

Students going home, power poles established in regular intervals, the shopping district, our dirty river, another school, a house, another house — irrelevant scenery. But one thing within this irrelevant scenery — the glaring red sun hiding partly behind a building at the horizon — feels relevant to me.

The sun is about to hide on the other side, having completed its work for today, but floating there at the boundary, it feels like it's calling me.

I return to the door to lock it.

Now I'm completely alone.

I lean against the fence, and while watching the sun slowly hide its countenance, I think once more about Reina Kamisu.

Reina vanished. Yes, she vanished.

A beautiful and popular student suddenly stopped coming to school and went missing. This should have obviously been a serious incident for this Shikura middle school. It should have.

However, no one talks about it.

Of course, there is no one who would tell ''me'', but even I can perk up my ears for rumors. It's strange. Reina Kamisu does not come up anywhere at all. No one talks about such a extraordinary girl. Is that even possible?

I screwed up my courage and sneaked a peek into her class. First, I couldn't believe my eyes, then I couldn't believe my ears, and finally, I couldn't believe myself.

Her seat didn't exist. Her shoe locker didn't exist. Her name didn't exist. Nothing related to her existed.

Reina is nowhere.

And when I saw Kimura-kun's face when I asked him about Reina, I was convinced.

—Reina Kamisu vanished.

It's not simple death. She erased everything of her existence, everything related to it, and vanished. Without leaving anyone anything of herself, and completely revoking the fact that a person named Reina Kamisu has ever existed, she disappeared.

With the exception of me, her best friend.

But even I only have a few empty memories left — much like a drop of soda on the edge of an empty can. I don't remember where we met, how we became friends, or where we went apart from the aquarium. Nothing.

Those memories will soon wither as well, erasing her existence once and for all.

Reina is disappearing.

Reina, who was everything of me, is disappearing.

So—there is no reason for me to be '''here''' anymore.

I climb on the fence. It's 15cm wide, so I can stand without a problem.

I consider taking off my shoes, but I decide against it; I'm not trying to commit suicide or anything.

I'm merely going to see Reina.

Of course, I can't be sure if can meet her like that. It's just the absurd thought that if she isn't here, she must be "there." It's about as absurd as thinking that a bird can fly past the sky into the space.

But I can't think of anything else.

There is no other way, and if that's the only way, why should I not try it? There's nothing that stops me. Let me repeat that: I have no reason to be '''here''', so there is nothing that stops me.

I suddenly recall what I said to Kimura-kun.

—To take revenge.

Yeah, a petty revenge. By bringing me the keys, you got yourself involved in what is going to happen now, didn't you?

I wonder if he'll be having some pangs of remorse, even though he might not care about me?

I look down, and shrink back a little, scared of the imminent pain that I almost forgot about. That's going to hurt. Ten times... hundred times more than a syringe. But I mustn't flinch.

What is important to me? Meeting Reina. Being together with Reina.

That's all that counts. That's all...

Yes, with vigor!

Because I feel like I can get farther that way.

I take a vigorous leap.

Suddenly, the world spins and changes completely. Unable to properly grasp this unexpected world, I almost pass out.

I can only tell that it's not the place where I wanted to go. I have found myself in a tragic play.

Aah... did I fail? Did I make the wrong decision after all...?

But—

Just as I am about to give up, I realize that I've won the wager.

"Reina..."

Reina is right before my eyes.

"Reina, I missed you..."

She gives me her gentle and absurdly beautiful smile.

"Reina... tell me: where are you?"

"I am—" she answers.

"I am '''here'''. Kamisu Reina is — '''here'''."

Ah, right.

Why didn't I notice such a simple thing?

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Kamisu Reina Series|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Atsushi Kogure|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Fumi Saito

2013-09-08T10:11:37Z

MatrixM: /* 3 */

==1==

I don't have any friends.

Not because I hate talking to others, or because I'm mistrustful, or because I'm too lazy to cultivate contacts. It's not like I deliberately want to avoid making friends; put plain and simple, I'm just unable to make any.

My mom always tells me that it's no big deal, since I'm smart and my grades are good, but from my perspective ''that's'' no big deal. She doesn't know how cumbersome school is for people who can't make friends.

Just like right now: Even though it's break time and everyone's engaged in chats, I'm sitting here alone as if I were in another dimension. It gets even worse during the lunch break, when I wordlessly munch away on my lunch while all my classmates put their desks together and eat together—I always feel like a castaway on a desert island surrounded by the vast ocean.

From time to time I wonder if all the other people are just aliens wearing human disguises who are deceiving me, the last living earthling.

Ridiculous. Ridiculous, indeed, but that proves how alone I feel when I'm at school.

Because I have nothing to do between classes, I started reading books in my free time even though I don't really like doing so. Thanks to that, I've become even harder to approach and widened the gap between me and my classmates even further. It's a vicious cycle: I'm mistaken for someone who likes being alone, even though that's downright wrong. I'd love to chitchat, too! I want to chat about who's the coolest guy in our class or who my favorite member in whatever boyband is too! But I'm ignored. I'm only reluctantly approached by others when absolutely necessart.

Why am I unable to make friends? What makes me different from everyone else? Since I have nothing to do anyway, I often mull over this question.

It must be because I'm ugly. I have a lot of pimples, my eyes are small, and my nose is flat, just like my breasts. But do I really look that terrible? I don't think so. It's wrong to blame my looks, at any rate.

It's my communication skills. Right, I'm not good at talking to others. But why is that? Because I'm always cautious? Because I get nervous when I'm talked to? No, that's not all there is to it. That's just another vicious cycle that started because I don't often talk to others.

The root cause must be that... I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of being thought of as an oddball. I'm scared of spoiling the mood by making an inappropriate remark. I'm scared of others' opinions of me.

Before I know it, I'm gazing at Mizuhara-san's group in the second row by the window. Mizuhara-san is sort of the leader of this class, and as such has lots of friends. They seem to be having a lot of fun. They're really enviable.

But even among the members of such a close group, I'm sure that people could name others in the same group who they don't like. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has characteristics that might cause resentment. I, for one, have lots of them.

Therefore, it must be impossible to make friends for me.

But that's okay.

I may have no normal friends, but I do have a best friend.

I have one irreplaceable best friend—

—Reina Kamisu.

"You're too kind, Fumi, that's your problem."

That's what Reina said to me on our way home when I told her about my take on why I can't make any friends.

The smile she flashed while saying that was so stunning that I couldn't help admiring her for a few moments. Her long hair is the purest raven-black and so smooth that it's unthinkable to find any split ends, while her body is curvy like a model's, unlike my immature development.

Reina is truly beautiful. Absurdly beautiful.

"I'm kind...? I don't think so. I just don't want to be hurt."

"But isn't that what makes you kind?"

"Why so?"

"I mean, it's not like everyone else ''wants'' to be hurt, right? They don't want to be hurt, either."

"But they get along with each other."

"Yeah. Then what distinguishes you from them? Let me tell you: You're sensitive to the wounds of others. You are scared of being hurt, Fumi, but you're also scared of hurting someone."

Well, of course I don't want to hurt others randomly.

"That's why you are very kind to everyone."

"Reina..."

I'm really grateful for her words.

But I know that in truth I'm just a coward. Reina has merely put a sugar-sweet coating around the word ''coward'' before handing it to me.

But that thoughtfulness of hers makes me happy.

Aah, Reina sure is peerless. Even though she's only in the third year of middle school like me, she's so different.

"You're so lucky, Reina..."

"Mm? Why?"

"I mean... you're pretty and you're smart... I can't help thinking that God treats us unjustly."

Yeah, God is unjust. If he wasn't, Reina and I wouldn't be living in the same world. I suppose God doesn't get around to balancing out everything that he's created, and passes us around even more carelessly than workers do with products on a conveyor belt.

Everyone knows that. But I'm not mature enough yet to accept that I'm "inferior".

"That's not true! You're cute, Fumi," she responds with a kind smile, reading my mind.

"...I'm not. That sounds a bit like sarcasm if it's you, you know...?"

"Ah, that's totally mean! But Fumi... while some people like you prefer me, there are also some people who would prefer you!"

"No."

"But there are! At least there's one, right here," Reina says as she points at herself and smiles.

"But—"

"If," she interrupts me, "If for argument's sake, there were more people who prefer me over you, why should you care? Numbers don't mean anything. Or do you want to be in the spotlight like an idol?"

"That's not it."

"Then there's nothing to worry about, is there? There's at least one person right here who thinks you are irreplaceable. Or are you not satisfied with that?"

"Mmm! I couldn't wish for more!"

"...I see."

Reina puts on her kind smile again, which makes me kind of ashamed of my behavior.

Aah... I'm still such a child. Silly me. Really. I bet Reina thinks that I'm jealous of her beauty, which is actually true. I'm so filthy. Now she's lost faith in me. I'm sure.

"...Fumi, you're blaming yourself, aren't you?"

"Eh?"

"My... you really ''are'' too kind. Do you think I'd taken offense?"

"But——"

"No buts. You're being a little rude, you know?"

"Eh?"

"Fumi, you are a dear friend of mine. Someone important to me. By acting this way, it almost seems as if you didn't believe me?"

"Ah..."

"Fumi. I'm your best friend, right?"

"Of course!"

I can say this for certain.

"You're an irreplaceable friend, Reina!"

A dear friend who could never be replaced.

If Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long since have—

==2==
Another bad day starts.

The fact that I'm usually alone in the morning only makes it worse; Reina often has to go early to school because of her morning practice in the track and field club. I did once consider leaving the house at the same time as she does, but waiting in the classroom until classes begin is pretty painful as well, and most of all, I don't want to bother her, so I decided against it.

I walk alone to school and head to the shoe lockers to change into my indoor shoes.

"..."

What is this...?

''Morning!'' I hear someone say behind me (of course not to me) and hurriedly close my locker. After waiting for that student to leave, I open it again.

"Oh, eh..."

There is a letter on my indoor shoes.

I reach out, but at a loss what to do, my hand stays there until another student approaches. On the spur of the moment, I cram the letter into my bag.

Oh my, oh my... i-is this a...?

I get uncomfortable. I don't know why that is, but there are too many people here. I feel like all the people around me are watching me. Whenever a glance crosses my eyes (and I know it just crosses them and doesn't actually perceive me) I feel it piercing through me.

Nobody would care about me, I know that, but I can't help feeling that everybody keeps watching my every step.

Unable to bear the gazes any longer, I escape to the restroom, and hurry into a toilet stall, and take the letter out.

Stuffing it into my bag has left the letter slightly crumpled — sorry to the person who put it into my locker.

I unfold the letter.

"Dear Fumi Saito

I am writing this letter to you because there is something that I have been wanting to tell you.

Please wait in your classroom after school."

That's all there is.

"Ah...hah..." I gasp for air, finally noticing that I haven't breathed while reading.

What is this about? What... what is this about?

As short as it is, I can still see that, objectively, it's probably a love letter. However, it's addressed at me. A love letter addressed at me? Really? Is that possible?

"Of course it's possible!" Reina says right off the bat.

We're on break and have come to the landing of the stairs that lead to the roof. Because the roof is inaccessible, the stairs here are virtually never used by anyone, which is why we often use them when we want to discuss something in secret (although it's mostly me who has something to discuss).

"How can you be so sure?! I mean, we're talking about me here...!"

"As I told you the other day, Fumi: you are a charming girl."

I open my mouth to deny what she said, but then I reconsider, thinking back at how we went round in circles last time.

"So, how about it, Fumi?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"What's your response to that love letter?"

"Ah—"

I had completely forgotten about that because I was fixated on the fact that I'd received one. Right, I still have to respond to it.

"R-Reina, I, I don't know what to do!"

"To start with, how do you feel about that boy?"

"That boy...?"

I unfold the love letter and check again.

"Well, Fumi? How do you feel about him? Do you know each other pretty well? Or not at all, maybe?"

"—None."

"Hm?"

"There's no name."

"Let me... let me take a look."

I give Reina the letter. She inspects the piece of paper from all sides, and eventually heaves a sigh.

"You're right. There's no name."

"...You've received love letters before, right, Reina?"

"Yes, I have."

"Were there any without a name?"

"...Hm... maybe there was one, but I think it was a case where the sender was obvious. I always knew who the letter was from."

"I see..."

I reread the letter. ''"Please wait in your classroom after school"'' — a sincere request to me.

"...What are you going to do?" Reina inquires.

"Don't you know pretty well what I'm going to do, Reina?"

"...Right. Well, it's you after all!" she smiles gloomily.

"Don't... don't wait for me today after you're done with your club activities."

"Why not...?"

"..." I remain silent, unable to give her a proper answer. I don't really know why I asked her that, either. Normally, I would want her with me at such times.

Reina gives me a bright smile, "...Hey, Fumi. You've been wanting to go to the aquarium, haven't you?"

"...Yeah. I love dolphins."

"Let's go there one of these days, then!"

Why would she propose that now?

"...Mm! It's a promise!"

I knew why, and that made me happy.

Classes have ended.

I always stay at school even without receiving such a letter, because I wait for Reina's club activities to end.

Today, however, I had Reina go home herself. I'm alone—alone at waiting for the sender of that letter.

As I gaze at an open book, I ponder over who I want the letter to be from. Kado-kun, the boy who is popular in class because he's good at basketball? Mm, I would be happy. The delinquent of our class, Ashizawa-kun? He's a bit scary, but I think I would appreciate it. How about Kogure-kun, although he's a bit strange? I would probably be a bit wary of him, but still happy. And Dojima-kun, who everyone avoids because he's dirty? I wouldn't want to go out with him, but I would be happy.

It's always a nice thing to be thought of favorably.

But how would I respond when it comes to dating someone?

Right now... I have no such plans, because I don't exactly know what would be expected of me. I'm a bit scared, and I don't know how I should treat the other party.

I guess a proper couple has to kiss? But how does that feel? When do you feel like kissing? How should I react when he wants me to kiss? Would he be hurt when I refused to? I can't refuse then... I don't want to be disliked, after all.

Right. Refusal is no option.

Mm, so it doesn't matter who gave me that letter—I have to obey and ''wait in my classroom after school''.

It has become dark outside. The school is going to be closed soon.

Maybe, no one will come. Maybe, it was a joke. If it was—I would feel a bit calmer.

I stow away the book I have hardly read and just gazed at, and prepare myself for taking my leave, when suddenly, the Mizuhara group enters the classroom. They all belong to the tennis club, so I first thought they came to leave their rackets here.

However, their eyes reveal to me that there's more to it.

Mizuhara-san looks at me. "Heh, so you waited."

"Er..."

The girls around her start to giggle as they watch me getting nervous.

"Did we get your hopes up?" Mizuhara-san asks with a grin.

"Eh, um..."

What should I answer...? What answer do they expect from me?

"Probably... I did get hopes..." I answer honestly.

Suddenly, one of them laughs out loud, unable to hold it in any longer, spurring on the giggling.

"Oh come on, that's stupid! No guy would be interested in a sourpuss like you!"

"Kaho! Don't be so mean to her~!"

"But look...!"

"Well, she ''is'' pretty gullible, but that makes it clear how serious her case is, right?"

"Yeah, she's obviously not used to this kind of stuff."

Without giving me a chance to interrupt, Takatsuki-san and Omi-san keep discussing how dumb and strange I am.

I don't know what to do.

Hopes. Right, I had faint hopes that someone might like me. How stupid of me. That's absurd. Completely impossible.

Right now, there is a clear barrier between the rest of the world and me. Transparent, yet tough like tempered glass. Even though they can see me, no one attempts to read what feelings I hold behind my face. Even though they can hear me, no one attempts to understand the meaning of my words.

It's almost like my eyes perceive something entirely different from everyone else. Whenever I reach out my hands, I can only grasp air.

Alone. I'm alone.

Someone likes me? As if. No one is interested in me in the least, except maybe as someone to tease. As a topic to laugh at.

"...uh..."

Ah... I didn't want to cry... but there goes a tear. This will spoil the party. I'm sorry, but I cried, I'm really sorry.

As I expected, they start making uneasy faces.

Desperately trying not to show them my tears, I cover my eyes.

"Aah... we made her cry. Sorry, Saito-san," Mizuhara-san says gently. "But you know? We didn't mean to hurt you. How should I put it... you always avoid talking to people, no?"

No, I simply ''can't'' talk to people!

"I think that's not a good thing, so I thought that doing this, kind of like a shock treatment, might help you. I didn't mean any harm."

I wonder how much truth there is to that? Maybe that was part of the reason, but how is a fake love letter supposed to get me to speak normally? Was there no other way? Isn't that just a pretext to tease me?

"No offense! Really! ...Will you forgive me?"

However, there is something desperate in her voice that makes me nod as I still keep my eyes covered.

"Aah, thanks a lot... I'm really sorry. Okay, see you."

Once I had forgiven them, they quickly left.

...But Mizuhara-san isn't mean. She may have completely missed the mark, but she did care about me. She does take heed of me.

Yeah, she's not mean. She's not.. mean.

"What a mean bunch!"

My inner dialog is being denied. Surprised by that sudden voice, I look up.

"Ah... Kimura-kun..."

Oh no, he saw my tear-stained face. I must look horrible right now...

"Sorry! I allowed myself to overhear your little conversation," he says with an uneasy expression.

"Mmm! I-It's fine..." These words escape my lips because I want to reassure him.

"...They teased you with a fake love letter, right? That's cruel. She... Mizuhara's always like that. You could say that her hobby is to toy with the feelings of others!" Kimura-kun rants, seeming genuinely angry at her.

Is he angry for my sake? For real? If so, why?

Okay, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to calm him down?

"It's okay, Kimura-kun... I knew it was just a trick."

"You knew it was a trick?" he asks while raising an eyebrow.

"I knew that... it would end like this."

"...But why didn't you ignore the letter, then?"

"———"

I couldn't give him an answer. I have no idea how to put it into words.

"Well, whatever... anyway, if something like this happens again, be sure to let me know!"

"Eh?!"

"W-What? You don't trust me, or what?"

I shake my head furiously. It's only natural that I would get startled — after all, he doesn't profit in any way from helping me.

"You're quite the strange girl... okay, gotta go!" he says as he puts a hand on my head with a smile, after which he left. Unable to make sense of that, I just watched him baffledly.

While walking home alone, I start reflecting on the reason why I couldn't ignore the letter.

I expected the letter to be fake — because there was no name, because the paper used was not typical for boys, and most of all, because I noticed that the writer had deliberately tried to fake her handwriting.

However, what if, as unlikely as it is, the love letter had been real? In that case, ignoring it would have hurt that person. I would have betrayed that person and his sincere request ''to have me wait''. I couldn't do that. Absolutely not.

Besides, I couldn't have ignored it either way: the person who wanted to make a joke at my expense wished for me to take on the role of a fool. Had I ignored that request, I would have betrayed their expectations. I would have spoiled their fun. I would have fallen into their disfavor.

That's why I was unable to ignore the letter.

Did I make the right choice? No, I'm sure I didn't. If I were right—

—It wouldn't hurt so much.

Reina.

It hurts, Reina!

I don't want to be '''here''', it hurts!

For the first time in a long time, I have to face that thought again. That thought I always held before meeting Reina.

Right, if Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long have—died.

I have thought about dying countless times.

I'm sure there is no such thing like happy times.

Adult people lie when they speak of their supposedly happy youth. If they don't, then nostalgia must have warped their memories, because they couldn't endure the absence of hope in reality otherwise. Thinking that back in the day, everything used to be better, in order to put up with the present.

This leads to my hypothesis:

Life is and will always be hopeless. We live our pitch-dark lives as we cling to shiny shards that appear every now and then, and then we think back at those shards with a nostalgic smile on our faces. Like fools.

However, I don't have a past to take refuge. I don't have a past to romanticize in my mind when I lose hope in reality. I have no other choice but to accept that life is filled with despair from bottom to top.

Therefore, the only place I can escape to is death.

''Don't think of suicide'', people say. But is that statement backed by actual thought? You shall not kill. Of course. You shall not steal. Of course. You shall not commit suicide. Of course. The answer is so obvious that there is no place for doubt. Those statements must be perfectly true. Dazzlingly true.

You have to walk an endless muddy path that has no significance whatsoever, and you are naturally not allowed to break out. What a hopeless system.

What do you want me to do? What the hell am I supposed to do?

Someone save me! Give me hope! No, I won't be so greedy. Please someone, just notice that I'm walking this path and say a few gentle words to me...

"Fumi."

Surprised by the voice that calls out to me at the perfect moment, I raise my head.

"Reina..."

Only after speaking these words do I notice that I have been crying.

"You told me to go home, but you didn't tell me not to come meet you, right?" she smiles gently at me.

"...I can't."

Even though she understands what I mean, she gently embraces me.

"...It was painful, wasn't it?"

I can't... I just can't anymore!

I'll depend on you, Reina! I'll lean against you! I'll entrust my life to you!

"It's okay," she whispers to me. "I won't betray you."

"—!"

I clearly understand now why I had Reina go home earlier.

It's because I knew that she would comfort me. Because I knew that I would depend on her.

What is the consequence of that?

I have long lost my balance to be '''here''', and needed something to take refuge in.

Needless to say, Reina Kamisu has taken on the role of my refuge, of my shelter.

But now, because of her embrace, I have completely become dependent on her. Maybe that has already been the case for a long time, but either way, I can no longer exist without Reina.

In order to prevent that, I have sent her home.

"...Reina...I..."

"It's okay. Don't worry. I'll... take on your burden."

Her words pierce through me.

I feel how my entire body starts to melt into Reina's body. Slowly but surely, I fade into her.

Such bliss.

I realize that this is what it means to be accepted by someone.

"Uh...gh...," I moan as my tears push up. They fall onto Reina, producing small ripples. I always thought my tears would only fall to the ground, but I was wrong — they have reached Reina's heart.

I am part of Reina, and—

—Reina is everything of me.

==3==

I am changing. The liquid "Reina" is continuously being poured into the container "I", while the liquid "I" is overflowing from that container.

The container is still me, but its contents are Reina; Reina has become my essence.

I still hardly speak anything in the classroom (although Kimura-kun, whose desk is behind mine, talks to me from time to time), but I don't feel depressed anymore.

I am not alone.

That belief gives me strength. That thought I have been holding has gone somewhere far away.

I don't care about anything, as long as Reina is with me.

That's what I thought. That's what I believed.

But not in my wildest dreams did I expect that things could still get worse.

"I can't find my wallet!" Mizuhara-san screams agitatedly.

Everyone present at the homeroom after classes, our class teacher Kosugi-sensei included, focuses on her as she desperately searches for her wallet. The member of her group are watching her worriedly. For a few moments, the classroom lapses into silence, until someone checks if their own wallet is still there, and the others follow suit. I don't bring my wallet to school, but I reach into my pocket nonetheless in order not to be the odd one out.

By the time everyone has confirmed that their money is safe, Mizuhara-san is sitting still in her seat, visibly troubled. Kosugi-sensei walks toward her.

"Have you found it?"

"No..."

"Are you sure that it was there?"

"Absolutely."

"Understood," the teacher says with a frown and goes back to the teacher's desk. "All right, as you surely heard, Mizuhara has lost her wallet. Of course, this may be some sort of misunderstanding on her end, but—" he starts and explains in a ridiculously roundabout way that there is a chance that a member of this class might have stolen her wallet.

The likelihood of pickpocketing is high, considering what the missing item is. Not far in the past, there has been a fuss over a stolen mp3-player.

Mizuhara-san, convinced that it was a theft, is visibly angered, and so are the members of her group, influenced by her.

"Does anyone have a clue where her wallet might be?" the teacher asks.

The students just exchange glances. The teacher isn't expecting any answers, either — the culprit or those who know who did it wouldn't speak up right now.

Or so I thought. But I was wrong.

Kimura-kun reluctantly raises his hand.

"Kimura, do you know something?"

"No, not exactly... but there's something that bothers me."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think that it's common to take the wallet when stealing money. Normally, you would just pull out the contents, right? In fact, that's how the theft in class 5 happened."

"...Perhaps."

"Besides, it would make more sense to steal the money of all members of this class instead of only Mizuhara-san's. Yet, she's the only victim."

"What are you getting at?"

"What I want to say is that it's either a misunderstanding or a vicious joke toward Mizuhara-san."

"It's absolutely not a misunderstanding!" Mizuhara-san disagrees loudly. "Someone has played a trick on me!"

"A trick, hm? How much was in your wallet, if I may ask?"

"...1000 yen and change, but so what?" she answers grumpily.

"So it can't be because of the money, then. It looks like the goal of the culprit was teasing Mizuhara-san; and wouldn't that narrow down the list of suspects to a manageable number?" Kimura-kun says, causing everyone to exchange glances again.

That means that the culprit has a grudge against her, or at least doesn't think favorably of her?

Arriving at this thought—

—I notice that eyes are starting to focus on me.

"Huh...?"

A few students who aren't looking at me notice that a few of their classmates are focusing on me, and thus follow suit. On seeing that, yet another person gazes at me. All eyes are pinned on me.

Why? Why would they look at me?

This makes it seem like... like—

Our teacher, too, notices that I'm the center of attention, and looks at me, only to move his gaze on to Mizuhara-san. I follow his glance.

For some reason, she makes a face of realization.

"Saito," the teacher says to me in a stern voice, causing me to wince.

Just because he called my name? ...Yes, but I but I'm not so dumb as to not understand the situation. To me, this is just like a — death sentence.

"Do you know something?"

"Eh? Ah...er..."

I don't know anything! I'm innocent! But... I fail to say so properly.

"What's wrong? I have asked you a question, Saito."

But he's suspecting me.

"Uh..."

Everyone is looking at me, suspecting me — that's more than enough to make me lose my tongue, but they do not see that.

They understand it like so: I'm panicking because I've been busted, because I'm the culprit.

I'm perfectly aware of that, and I know that I must absolutely answer his question with confidence, but yet I find myself unable to do so.

"I... I..."

If someone was here who understand my personality — if Reina was here — she could explain it to them, but she's not here.

She's not here.

I don't have any supporters here.

"I don't... I don't know any—"

"Kosugi-sensei," Mizuhara-san says, cutting my desperate words short. I look at her in wonder.

There is no anger in her face anymore.

"What is it, Mizuhara?"

"I did something to Saito-san that may have made her hold a grudge towards me. I... I played a trick on her. Thinking about it now... that was mean of me," she says with tears in her eyes. "But I... I did it because I thought I could help her to open herself!"

Surprised at what she said, I gaze at her. The sorrowful expression on her face isn't faked. Mizuhara-san is honest.

However, it's unclear to me whether she really tried to open my heart with that fake love letter, or just persuaded herself of that noble goal because of the situation she has found herself in.

Whatever the answer is, there is one thing that has become a fact.

Her words have settled my position.

"..."

All eyes fixed on me.

Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.

Like light projected through a loop, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

There is no suspicion in them anymore.

It's been decided.

It's been decided that I am the culprit.

"N-No, I'm haven—"

"It was YOU!" Takatsuki-san cuts me short. "You were pissed off, but you couldn't defend yourself because you were too scared! That's why you resorted to such a dirty trick — to vent your frustration!"

"Don't say that, Kaho. I'm... I'm also at fault..."

''Also.''

The words Mizuhara-san sobbed subliminally yet clearly implied that I'm the culprit and that she's the victim.

As a result, her words added fuel to the fire. With a fire-red head, Takatsuki-san walks toward me. Fearing to be hit, I cover my head and cower.

However, she did not come to hit me. Her goal was my bag. She picks it up, opens it, turns it upside town and pours its contents onto my desk.

And for some reason, there is an unfamiliar wallet among the things that fall on my desk. However, someone has mangled it with a cutter.

"...Saito, you are to come to the staff room afterwards."

The moment the teacher says so, uncontrollable sobbing resounds through the classroom.

Needless to say, it was Mizuhara-san.

I look around.

Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes.

Like an ice pick, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

Reina isn't '''here'''.

In other words—no one is '''here'''.

I don't have any supporters '''here'''.

The next day, my desk has disappeared.

Up until now, I have merely been air for everyone, but from now on, they won't even grant me to be air anymore.

I'm not even allowed to exist.

A missing desk in a classroom is like a missing piece in a puzzle; but in this case it's my desk that is missing. I must be the only one who feels that a piece is missing — for everyone else, the puzzle is completed.

I go to the veranda and move the desk and the chair back to their original place. Original place? Really? No, perhaps the original place where my seat is supposed to be is not in the classroom, but at the veranda.

But while that may be true... I don't want to notice.

White, everything turns white.

Everything besides Reina and me turns white.

Like a novel lacking spaces, I'm unable to make sense of the white world '''here'''. They disappear. Everything besides me flees out of reach.

Or perhaps—

I'm the one who is lacking color.

The lunch break ends without my talking to anyone.

I really haven't spoken a word, since I couldn't meet Reina, either. Not one word has been spoken for me or toward me.

People have stopped speaking to me. No, that's no news, but at least previously, there was no ill will in that.

I wasn't even allowed of the absolute minimum of conversation. Even Kimura-kun wasn't able to overcome the magnetic field around me that has emerged in class.

"..."

I was aware of it.

I was aware of it, but this makes it clear.

No one cares if I just disappeared.

The world wouldn't disappear when I disappeared. The blue sky would completely ignore me and not even let it rain. No one cares whatever happens to me. I'm absolutely separated from the rest of the world.

Again, a familiar thought assaults me.

—I... I can't endure it anymore, Reina!

Why? What have I done? I didn't want to be disliked. That's all... I just shut myself into my little box because I was afraid of getting hurt, yet why do they pierce it with spears?

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

Save me Reina, save me Reina, save me rena, savemerena.

"They're all so mean."

"—Huh?"

Reina stands before my eyes.

"'Huh'? What is it, Fumi?"

"Ah, mmm... nothing."

Classes have ended; I have caught Reina when she was about to go to her club and consulted her at our usual spot on the stairs to the roof.

Yes, that sounds perfectly natural.

Why is it then that something felt fatally off? There's no reason.

"Why would they think that you're the culprit without conclusive proof? There's no way you would that."

"...Well, they don't know my personality. Besides, Mizuhara-san's wallet was in my bag, so it's natural that they would think that I did it."

"Yes, but Fumi... why was that wallet in your bag, anyway?"

"Because—"

I don't really want to think about it...

"...The first reason that comes to mind would be because someone is trying to set you up."

"...Yeah, most likely." Unless I have a split personality. "...Someone who hates me?"

"I... I don't think so. You're not one to make a lot of enemies... I think that someone simply thought that it would be easy to lay the blame on you."

Perhaps.

But anyway, someone hated me enough to be fine with putting the blame on me.

"That's just heartless! We have to find and teach that culprit a lesson!"

"No... no need to!"

"Why? Aren't you suffering under the current situation?"

"I am. I am, but..."

"But?"

"The problem isn't new. It's merely surfaced now..."

"That's not... I mean, you weren't particularly unpopular..."

"You think so? I'm pretty sure it was a matter of time. For example, if Mizuhara-san's position and mine had been reversed, I most likely would have ended up with the short end of the stick."

"No, you're—"

Reina is at a loss for words. When it comes to deciding who is at fault, it doesn't matter what was done, but who did it. Between a teacher and a student, the student will be the bad one; between a honor student and a delinquent, the delinquent will be the bad one; between a beautiful person and an ugly person, the ugly person will be the bad one.

And of course, between Mizuhara-san and me, I will be the bad one.

In other words, the result has been decided all along.

Smart as Reina is, she realizes that.

"...That's not true!"

Reina doesn't believe her own words, and looking at her face, she is blaming herself for faltering.

...But there's nothing to blame herself for, since it's a fact.

"Reina."

"Hm?"

"You're still on my side, right?"

"Of course I am!"

Good.

I have a supporter. I have a irreplaceable friend. I have Reina.

So I may still be here.

"Ah—" Reina suddenly says, so I follow her gaze.

"Um..."

Kimura-kun is standing there, seemingly feeling a bit out-of-place.

"...Kimura-kun? What's the matter?"

"Ah, yes... can you spare a minute?" he asks reluctantly.

"Y-Yeah... what is it?"

"To come straight to the point, Ashi-chan told me to call you out, because I happened to know that you're here sometimes."

"Ashi-chan?"

"I'm talking about Ashizawa-kun! Toshiki Ashizawa."

The bad-mannered Ashizawa-kun...? What would he want from me?

Whatever it is, it can't be good for me. Kimura-kun's expression makes this obvious.

"Err... is he... angry?"

"..."

He just gazes closely at me, and eventually averts his eyes.

"...He is?"

"Saito-san. It might be better if you didn't go," he mutters with eyes cast away.

...It looks like it's more serious than I thought. But if I don't go, Ashizawa-kun's aversion toward me will only grow.

I—don't want that. I don't want to be avoided even more because of a misunderstanding.

"...I'm going."

"Okay..." he says as if he was going to get a beating from Ashizawa-kun.

"Fumi," Reina addresses me in a worried tone.

"I'll be fine," I smile and wave her goodbye.

Brought to our classroom (Kimura-kun immediately left for his club), Ashizawa-kun drives me into a corner, and without any time for confusion, I am surrounded by his buddies, Takatsuki-san and the other members of the group, while a few of my other classmates are watching from a safe distance. Mizuhara-san is here as well, but watching from afar with an uneasy expression.

"Okay. Do you know what this is?" Ashizawa-kun says in an oppressive voice as he holds something against my face. It's hard to see from such a short distance, but I can recognize that it's Mizuhara-san's wallet.

"—"

I try to answer, but the words stick in my throat. Everyone is watching me closely and with blatant enmity; I feel that I'm not allowed to speak. I'm scared.

His right arm, which is right beside my head, might lose it any moment. He definitely wants to. He is angry. And the perfect target to vent his anger on is right before his eyes.

I'm scared! Why are they looking at me like that? I can't say anything! I'm not allowed to speak!

"Hey! I asked you what the fuck this is!" he yells. His right arm is twitching.

"It's a... wallet..."

"Whose wallet?"

"Mizuhara-san's..."

"Right. It's Yuu's wallet."

Yuu? Come to think of it, that's Mizuhara-san's first name.

"It's the wallet I gave her for her birthday. It's the wallet you cut up with a goddamn cutter!" he says, some of his saliva flying on my face.

Anger has made him lose more than half of his reasoning. Had I been a guy, he would have beaten me up already long ago.

"You knew that Yuu's dating Toshiki, didn't you?" Takatsuki-san says with a scary face. "And you also knew that this wallet was a present from him, right?"

I don't. I had no idea that they were a couple. Such rumors don't reach me at all.

"That's why you stole the wallet when you were pissed off, no? You can't hide it!"

No, I didn't do anything!

But I can't say that. Even if I did and explained myself, they wouldn't believe me.

"Do you get that? This isn't something you can make up for with fucking money!"

His right hand moves. I reflexively close my eyes. However, he could somehow control himself and hit the wall behind me.

I mind goes blank like white paint. I'm trembling all over.

What am I supposed to do? I'm scared! Please, don't hurt me. I haven't done anything!

"Save me..."

I mutter at last, cornered and intimidated.

"Save me..."

At first, the others seem to think that I am begging toward them, but they quickly realize that's not the case and are taken aback.

"Save me..."

I seek help. Of course, there is only one person I would seek help from.

"Save me... Reina."

I didn't want to get Reina involved, so I tried to solve the matter without her coming with me.

But I failed.

I imagine how her long her sways as Reina appears and swiftly frees me from their claws. I have a feeling that this picture will become reality. And then she will smile at me with her absurdly beautiful face, "Everything is all right, Fumi."

—However, Reina didn't come.

That sweet illusion took me from the ground to the clouds, to the pinnacle. But at the end of the day, I keep crawling on the ground in reality. I am thrown off the pinnacle again.

"Uh...uh..."

Unable to hold it in, I start to cry.

Thrown off course by my tears, the signs for violence disappear, even though Ashizawa-kun is still visibly angered.

"What?! Do you think we'll forgive you if you cry?!" Takatsuki-san shouts as she draws near to me. "Besides, there's no one who would want to 'save' someone like ''you''!"

"But there is..."

"Who? Your mom? A teacher? They would only help you because it's their duty!"

"There is!"

"And who would that be?! Good lord, you are—"

"Reina! Reina Kamisu is there for me!" I scream. In a voice that might well have been the strongest in my entire life.

Takatsuki-san—no, everyone present—widen their eyes in response to my powerful shout. I'm surprised by myself, too, but I don't regret it.

Because that's the one thing that I will not allow anyone to disagree with me.

I do have an irreplaceable friend.

I do have Reina Kamisu.

I won't let anyone say otherwise.

Taking advantage of their confusion, I escape. I escape from ''them''. I no longer need anything. Nothing.

All I need is Reina.

As long as Reina is with me, I'm perfectly fine.

==4==
As promised, Reina and I went to the aquarium.

There are more visitors than expected for a workday, most of which are families with children and young couples around twenty years old. Probably because they are not as restricted in time.

And of course, we are the only middle schoolers around.

"Reina, are you sure you don't need to go to school?"

"It's fine, but what about you, Fumi?"

"I don't mind at all."

I'm not welcome at school, anyway. My parents won't notice that I'm skipping, either, unless they get a call from school. In fact, ditching school today has made me wonder why I haven't done this sooner.

I look through the glass into the water tank.

Pretty fishes. That's all that comes to mind. They belong to the species ''Chaetodon auripes'', but I'm going to forget that in a few seconds. Therefore, I only feel that they're pretty.

But that's fun.

"Oh, look, Fumi! Lots of jellyfish!"

"Cool."

"I love jellyfish."

"You do? Why?"

"Hm? Well... I wonder why? Maybe because... they don't look a lot like living beings?"

They don't look like living beings — now that she mentions it, she has a point. Inside an aquarium, they still feel a bit like living beings, but when they are held in a water tank at home, they're more like decoration. Decoration that shines and pulsates. When jellyfish are put into a tank in a house, their role changes from a ''living being'' to ''decoration''.

"Besides, jellyfish kind of stand out. All other fishes here are just ''fishes'', but jellyfish fell like entirely different beings. Ah, I'm not making sense, am I?"

"No, I know what you mean. You want to say that jellyfish are simply jellyfish, right?"

"Ah, yes, sort of. Jellyfish are simply jellyfish."

Jellyfish are simply jellyfish.

Looking at Reina, who is gazing into the water tank, I think:

''Reina's also like that.''

Reina Kamisu is simply Reina Kamisu.

Absurdly beautiful, completely different from everyone else, and my only supporter.

Reina notices my glance.

"...What's wrong, Fumi?" she asks.

"Mm, nothing."

She tilts her head.

"Reina... the dolphin show is starting!"

"Hm? Oh, you're right. Okay, let's hurry up."

Slightly swift-footed, walk to the stadium where the dolphin show takes place.

On the way there, we come past a tank in which a large number of fishes are herding together and keep rotating restlessly.

Don't they get tired? I don't only mean physically, but also mentally. Rotating all the time won't get them any farther, after all; they could just as well stay still from the start. If they don't want to get anywhere, is it their goal to continue doing this until they can't move anymore? Don't they feel that such a life is futile?

But the fishes keep rotating, not caring about my thoughts.

The seats at the stadium are being occupied from the back to the front.

"Let's go to the front row, Reina."

"Eh? We'll get wet!"

"I know, but I want to watch the dolphins from as close as possible."

With a wry but gentle smile, she follows me to the first row and takes a seat.

"By the way, Fumi, I told you why I like jellyfish, but what's your reason for liking dolphins?"

"Hm... because they're adorable."

"That's all?"

"No, apart from that..."

Before I can continue, the woman in charge of the show begins the narration, starting with a brief explanation on the ecology of dolphins (where their nose is, that they hear sounds through their bones, etc.).

And then the show begins.

As several dolphins leap into the air to greet us, I am already enchanted.

They are pretty big when you actually see them — their jumps are spectacular and cause the children in the audience to shout in joy. They look so majestic yet adorable.

As they land again, water spills toward us. I instinctively shrink back. While it doesn't reach my clothes, my shoes get slightly wet.

Awesome! That's just awesome! Dolphins are great!

During the show, they jumped through rings, returned balls the woman had thrown to them, and swam around in circles... in a nutshell, it was awesome and I was absorbed.

"Dolphins sure are intelligent..." Reina suddenly says.

"Totally!" I respond immediately.

"Hahaha, you really love them, don't you? Is their smartness also a reason why—"

"Yeah!"

The show reaches the climax, which features a trick where three dolphins have to simultaneously jump over a stick that is set up at an extremely high position.

"And you know, dolphins send out ultrasonic waves and determine the position of objects through the reflected waves!"

"Just like bats."

"Hmm... I don't want to think of them in the same category, but yeah."

The dolphins ready themselves no the signal by the woman.

Are they able to jump so high? Well, they wouldn't be doing this if they couldn't, but I'm afraid that one of them might not make it.

I hold my breath.

The dolphins stand side by side (can you say that in this case?) and — jump.

"Whoa!"

It was a feast for the eyes.

With a grand splash, the three dolphins land in the water, raising a few large waves.

"Incredible..." I say in blank astonishment.

Looking at the wavy pool, I arrive at the thought that dolphins might be the cause for the never-ceasing waves of the sea.

"Hey, Fumi? Dolphins can communicate through sounds, right?"

"Yeah. Although it's unknown how sophisticated their conversations are. I for one believe that their communication skills are just as high as ours."

"I see... that would be nice."

"Mm! Actually, another reason why I love dolphins is because they can communicate with one another!"

"Oh, nice."

The show ends and the visitors start to leave while the dolphins are bidding them farewell by swimming around and doing individual performances.

"You know, when I learned that dolphins can communicate through sounds, I was jealous of them," I murmur while watching their performance.

"...jealous?" Reina asks puzzledly, tilting her head to the side.

"..."

I waver if I should explain it to her. If I continue, I will spoil the joyful mood.

"I think that communication through words is too complicated for me."

But I don't want to have secrets from Reina.

"Fumi..."

"I'm sure that even I would have been able to get friends if we had other ways of communicating..."

"You have me, Fumi!"

"...Mm."

These words of hers are enough for me.

"But you know, lately I've come to think that..."

"Hm?"

"I think that I might have become 'like that'."

"...'like that'?"

Unable to answer her, I look at the dolphins again, which are busy showing their performances. One of them is waving us goodbye with its fin.

I wave back.

And that's what I mean.

I am waving my hand because I freely interpret the dolphin's waving his fin as "goodbye." Our actions aren't in line at all.

Right, as deplorable as it is, I can't talk with dolphins.

But that isn't limited to dolphins.

My language has become different from everyone else's, and that's why I can't get through to anyone. My words don't reach anyone.

Except for Reina.

My way of communication has become different. And that's why I'm getting disconnected and disappearing.

We leave the aquarium, which is in the center of an aquatic park. I walk up to a bench and sit down. Reina sits down next to me.

"Reina? Would you..."

Reina looks at me when I suddenly start to talk.

"Would you be okay if we were the only humans on earth?"

I look around. There's no one nearby apart from Reina, which isn't that surprising for a workday afternoon. We're alone. I wouldn't be in the least concerned if the world closed up right now and we were left behind just by the two of us.

"Hm... it would be pretty troublesome because we'd have no electricity..."

"And if you think about it without such concerns?"

Reina gazes closely at my face, and answers with a smile:

"In that case, that wouldn't sound too bad."

"Really?"

"Really!"

I look at her. Aah, she isn't saying it just because. I'm happy, I really am.

After all, she's different from me! Unlike me, she is loved by a lot of people. Despite that, she would be with me.

"But you know, Reina, your mom would...be—"

—Reina's mom?

At once I get suspicious and stop.

A lot of people?

Well, there must be a lot. She's beautiful and nice, unlike me. But—

—But who is that, in specific?

"Fumi...?"

"Hey, Reina..."

"What's wrong?"

"...I've never been at your home, have I?"

"Are you sure?"

"Where do you live again? Nearby? You must be. After all, you go home together with me."

"What's wrong, Fumi? That's obvious, no?"

"Why is it then that — even though we are close friends — I haven't been at your place?"

"..." Reina remains silent.

Eh? Hold on! What's that supposed to mean?

We're best friends, no matter how you look at it, so why do I have no idea who her friends and her family is, and where she lives?

"By the way, Reina—"

"Don't say it!" she cuts my question short.

"Reina...?"

"Don't go farther than that..." she says sorrowfully and averts her eyes.

There are circumstances...? I don't know what it is, but Reina has a reason not to tell me about her.

Everyone has things that he doesn't want or can't say.

But,

But—

"—That's mean!"

"...Huh?"

"Aren't we best friends? We shouldn't keep any secrets from one another! Or was I the only one who felt that way? Hm?"

"No!"

"But then!"

"It's no good, Fumi!"

"Why? I don't understand, Reina!" I shout and as I do, I notice that a tear is flowing down my cheek, which leaves Reina speechless.

Cold air pulsates between us. That... hasn't happened before. This is the first time that we're surrounded by such cold air.

My feelings had reached Reina. She knows that I wouldn't ever hate or make fun of her.

There is no reason to have secrets.

There should be none.

Yet—

"I can't say it," she says distinctly.

"Why would you..."

Rejection.

No, that's not it. That can't be it. Reina would never want to hurt me. It's something... it must be something that she can't say despite that.

Of course I can understand that.

But—

"Don't doubt me."

I can't help but feel that she is rejecting me.

"Uh..."

Therefore, a drop falls from my eyes.

And once I realize that it's a ''tear'', they start to overflow like a waterfall. Aah, I'm crying way too often lately! Man, I don't want to show anyone my tears. I don't want to bother anyone. But they won't stop.

I press my head against my knees as I burst out crying.

"—Fumi."

Reina's voice.

Reina's gentle voice.

"I'm sorry."

All I could perceive was my own crying voice, which is why I didn't notice what was happening.

I kept crying like an idiot, and when I raised my head—

—Reina wasn't there.

"Reina...?"

I looked and ran around searching for her.

But she was nowhere to be found.

Reina isn't anywhere anymore.

I was standing there in the wide, empty aquatic park, left behind alone in the world.

==5==

People have erasers in their hearts.

While their efficiency differs from person to person — some of them are even incapable of erasing at all — anyone can use their eraser.

Rub, rub. Okay, away with you. You're an eyesore. Please go away. Rub, rub.

Two weeks have passed since the incident of Mizuhara-san's wallet. One week since I went to the aquarium with Reina.

Even after such a time span, no one is talking to me. Like on the previous days, I'm just sitting in my seat, which isn't supposed to be here, and gazing out of the window.

I have faded a lot.

Yet, they keep erasing me. Rub, rub.

Day by day, I am being erased. Bit by bit, I am fading. Rub, rub. Most of my existence has turned into eraser crumbs and gets wiped off my desk.

It's not going to get better. They have already become so used to rubbing me out that no one is having any doubts about it, let alone feelings of guilt. I'll keep being erased mechanically. If there is any human emotion involved, then it's slight irritation because their erasers get worn with use.

And Reina is still missing in this white and fading world.

Why? I'm not going to hold out like this! Reina... why did you leave me, Reina?

Why won't you appear before me? Even if you have secrets, that should be no obstacle for us!

Or do you hate me now?

Whatever it is, I want to see you!

I want to see you, I want to see you, I want to see you!

But no matter how much I beg, Reina doesn't appear.

And somewhere I know that she never will.

There is no meaning anymore.

In this classroom there is only irrelevant noise, irrelevant pictures, irrelevant classmates, and my irrelevant self.

There is no meaning anymore.

There is no meaning... in being '''here'''.

"—Goodbye," I whisper as I stand up.

The teacher is saying something. Ah, I was in the middle of having a 'lesson'?

Oh, he's angry. But I don't get what it's all about — after all, he isn't saying it for me, is he?

Oh, he's not angry anymore. But I wonder why he is looking at me like that? It's the first time someone does that, so I don't know what it means. But it looks a bit like he is scared.

I leave the classroom.

Far away behind me, the class is making a fuss, but it's irrelevant to me. Irrelevant. Completely irrelevant.

I'm sitting alone on the landing in the middle of the stairway to the roof. It's the second time since I've come here that the school building is getting noisy. What time is it? The first noise was probably the lunch break, so it must be the end of school today?

Reina. Will I ever see her again?

For some reason, I feel that I won't. I've been feeling that ever since she disappeared from me in that aquatic park. But so what? What about it? That doesn't change anything — I still need her, so much, so desperately.

Reina is all of me. Nothing remains if you take her from me. I'm empty. A wobbly lump that has no bones.

"Aah..."

What should I do? How can I meet Reina? I don't know! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?

Suddenly, I hear someone walking up the stairs.

I ready myself. It might be him — he might have come like I wanted.

"...Saito-san."

Kimura-kun appears before me.

"Kimura-kun... so you came to talk with me..."

"Yeah... I have no reasons to refuse if you call me out..."

Right. I have placed a letter into his shoe locker to call him here. Like Mizuhara-san did.

"I also brought this here with me. It was a pain to get past the eyes of the teachers," he explains as he holds out the keys to the roof.

"Mm. Thank you," I say and accept the keys from his visibly trembling hands. Perhaps, he has realized why I called him out here.

"..." he remains silent.

"Are you not going to ask...?"

"Ask what...?" he says clumsily.

"Why I had you bring me the keys to the roof."

After a few moments, he reluctantly asks, "Why?"

To tell the truth, I'm not sure how to answer him, either. Because maybe — no, for sure — my answer is going to hurt him.

But that's okay, isn't it? Kimura-kun is just as irrelevant as my other classmates, after all.

I reply: "To take revenge."

His face freezes instantly.

Oh, so I was right. Finally, I could confirm my suspicions.

"R-Revenge...?" he stutters miserably in bewilderment, and gets even more nervous because of it.

"You cut up Mizuhara-san's wallet and put it into my bag, didn't you?"

"W-Why would you say that...?" he counters, still not admitting to it, even though he knows that he can't talk himself out.

"It's okay! I don't plan to question you about it."

As a matter of fact, I really don't feel like questioning and blaming him. As I once told Reina, I was about to get into this situation anyway — Kimura-kun merely happened to be the one who pressed the switch.

My words seem to have calmed him down a bit.

"B-But... how did you find out?"

Do you really want to know? Isn't that going to be tough on you?

"...Should I answer that?"

Finally noticing the meaning of my answer, he looks down and says, "...No need to."

"Okay."

With these words, I slide the key into the lock.

There are several reasons why I suspected Kimura-kun.

My first doubts were raised when he started to converse with me after I had received the fake love letter. I was aware that Kimura-kun had no feelings for me, so I wondered why he would suddenly become so gentle.

Another clue was the general reaction when Mizuhara-san's wallet got lost. Everyone considered me the culprit right away. In other words, something led them to believe that I had a grudge against her. As far as I know, the only discord between Mizuhara-san and me is that love letter, which means that someone must have broadcast the story. But only her group and I, as well as Kimura-kun knew about it. Of course, I haven't told anyone, and Mizuhara-san and her friends didn't look like they would want to tell everyone about it, either.

But most of all, it was no one else but Kimura-kun who proposed that the culprit must have had a grudge against her. He called their attention to me in a blatant manner.

I don't know why he did that. Maybe he had a grudge against me that I don't know of, or he might have had strong feelings about Mizuhara-san and Ashizawa-kun.

But I don't really care.

His story is irrelevant to me.

I turn the key, and the door opens with a click. I tentatively turn the doorknob — yeah, seems fine.

"...What do you plan on doing on the roof, Saito-san?"

"..." I silently turn around to him.

"Saito-san...?"

I answer his question with a question.

"Hey, Kimura-kun—"

"—Do you happen to know ''Reina Kamisu''?"

Maybe I really thought that Reina would be waiting for me on the other side of the door.

This is a place that no one is allowed to enter, despite being so near. It's a place that we all know exists, yet only few have actually been there. And that's why I felt that I would find her here.

But of course, there is no sign of Reina.

I walk to the center of the roof and spin around.

Students going home, power poles established in regular intervals, the shopping district, our dirty river, another school, a house, another house — irrelevant scenery. But one thing within this irrelevant scenery — the glaring red sun hiding partly behind a building at the horizon — feels relevant to me.

The sun is about to hide on the other side, having completed its work for today, but floating there at the boundary, it feels like it's calling me.

I return to the door to lock it.

Now I'm completely alone.

I lean against the fence, and while watching the sun slowly hide its countenance, I think once more about Reina Kamisu.

Reina vanished. Yes, she vanished.

A beautiful and popular student suddenly stopped coming to school and went missing. This should have obviously been a serious incident for this Shikura middle school. It should have.

However, no one talks about it.

Of course, there is no one who would tell ''me'', but even I can perk up my ears for rumors. It's strange. Reina Kamisu does not come up anywhere at all. No one talks about such a extraordinary girl. Is that even possible?

I screwed up my courage and sneaked a peek into her class. First, I couldn't believe my eyes, then I couldn't believe my ears, and finally, I couldn't believe myself.

Her seat didn't exist. Her shoe locker didn't exist. Her name didn't exist. Nothing related to her existed.

Reina is nowhere.

And when I saw Kimura-kun's face when I asked him about Reina, I was convinced.

—Reina Kamisu vanished.

It's not simple death. She erased everything of her existence, everything related to it, and vanished. Without leaving anyone anything of herself, and completely revoking the fact that a person named Reina Kamisu has ever existed, she disappeared.

With the exception of me, her best friend.

But even I only have a few empty memories left — much like a drop of soda on the edge of an empty can. I don't remember where we met, how we became friends, or where we went apart from the aquarium. Nothing.

Those memories will soon wither as well, erasing her existence once and for all.

Reina is disappearing.

Reina, who was everything of me, is disappearing.

So—there is no reason for me to be '''here''' anymore.

I climb on the fence. It's 15cm wide, so I can stand without a problem.

I consider taking off my shoes, but I decide against it; I'm not trying to commit suicide or anything.

I'm merely going to see Reina.

Of course, I can't be sure if can meet her like that. It's just the absurd thought that if she isn't here, she must be "there." It's about as absurd as thinking that a bird can fly past the sky into the space.

But I can't think of anything else.

There is no other way, and if that's the only way, why should I not try it? There's nothing that stops me. Let me repeat that: I have no reason to be '''here''', so there is nothing that stops me.

I suddenly recall what I said to Kimura-kun.

—To take revenge.

Yeah, a petty revenge. By bringing me the keys, you got yourself involved in what is going to happen now, didn't you?

I wonder if he'll be having some pangs of remorse, even though he might not care about me?

I look down, and shrink back a little, scared of the imminent pain that I almost forgot about. That's going to hurt. Ten times... hundred times more than a syringe. But I mustn't flinch.

What is important to me? Meeting Reina. Being together with Reina.

That's all that counts. That's all...

Yes, with vigor!

Because I feel like I can get farther that way.

I take a vigorous leap.

Suddenly, the world spins and changes completely. Unable to properly grasp this unexpected world, I almost pass out.

I can only tell that it's not the place where I wanted to go. I have found myself in a tragic play.

Aah... did I fail? Did I make the wrong decision after all...?

But—

Just as I am about to give up, I realize that I've won the wager.

"Reina..."

Reina is right before my eyes.

"Reina, I missed you..."

She gives me her gentle and absurdly beautiful smile.

"Reina... tell me: where are you?"

"I am—" she answers.

"I am '''here'''. Kamisu Reina is — '''here'''."

Ah, right.

Why didn't I notice such a simple thing?

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Kamisu Reina Series|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Atsushi Kogure|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Fumi Saito

2013-09-08T09:55:24Z

MatrixM: /* 2 */

==1==

I don't have any friends.

Not because I hate talking to others, or because I'm mistrustful, or because I'm too lazy to cultivate contacts. It's not like I deliberately want to avoid making friends; put plain and simple, I'm just unable to make any.

My mom always tells me that it's no big deal, since I'm smart and my grades are good, but from my perspective ''that's'' no big deal. She doesn't know how cumbersome school is for people who can't make friends.

Just like right now: Even though it's break time and everyone's engaged in chats, I'm sitting here alone as if I were in another dimension. It gets even worse during the lunch break, when I wordlessly munch away on my lunch while all my classmates put their desks together and eat together—I always feel like a castaway on a desert island surrounded by the vast ocean.

From time to time I wonder if all the other people are just aliens wearing human disguises who are deceiving me, the last living earthling.

Ridiculous. Ridiculous, indeed, but that proves how alone I feel when I'm at school.

Because I have nothing to do between classes, I started reading books in my free time even though I don't really like doing so. Thanks to that, I've become even harder to approach and widened the gap between me and my classmates even further. It's a vicious cycle: I'm mistaken for someone who likes being alone, even though that's downright wrong. I'd love to chitchat, too! I want to chat about who's the coolest guy in our class or who my favorite member in whatever boyband is too! But I'm ignored. I'm only reluctantly approached by others when absolutely necessart.

Why am I unable to make friends? What makes me different from everyone else? Since I have nothing to do anyway, I often mull over this question.

It must be because I'm ugly. I have a lot of pimples, my eyes are small, and my nose is flat, just like my breasts. But do I really look that terrible? I don't think so. It's wrong to blame my looks, at any rate.

It's my communication skills. Right, I'm not good at talking to others. But why is that? Because I'm always cautious? Because I get nervous when I'm talked to? No, that's not all there is to it. That's just another vicious cycle that started because I don't often talk to others.

The root cause must be that... I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of being thought of as an oddball. I'm scared of spoiling the mood by making an inappropriate remark. I'm scared of others' opinions of me.

Before I know it, I'm gazing at Mizuhara-san's group in the second row by the window. Mizuhara-san is sort of the leader of this class, and as such has lots of friends. They seem to be having a lot of fun. They're really enviable.

But even among the members of such a close group, I'm sure that people could name others in the same group who they don't like. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has characteristics that might cause resentment. I, for one, have lots of them.

Therefore, it must be impossible to make friends for me.

But that's okay.

I may have no normal friends, but I do have a best friend.

I have one irreplaceable best friend—

—Reina Kamisu.

"You're too kind, Fumi, that's your problem."

That's what Reina said to me on our way home when I told her about my take on why I can't make any friends.

The smile she flashed while saying that was so stunning that I couldn't help admiring her for a few moments. Her long hair is the purest raven-black and so smooth that it's unthinkable to find any split ends, while her body is curvy like a model's, unlike my immature development.

Reina is truly beautiful. Absurdly beautiful.

"I'm kind...? I don't think so. I just don't want to be hurt."

"But isn't that what makes you kind?"

"Why so?"

"I mean, it's not like everyone else ''wants'' to be hurt, right? They don't want to be hurt, either."

"But they get along with each other."

"Yeah. Then what distinguishes you from them? Let me tell you: You're sensitive to the wounds of others. You are scared of being hurt, Fumi, but you're also scared of hurting someone."

Well, of course I don't want to hurt others randomly.

"That's why you are very kind to everyone."

"Reina..."

I'm really grateful for her words.

But I know that in truth I'm just a coward. Reina has merely put a sugar-sweet coating around the word ''coward'' before handing it to me.

But that thoughtfulness of hers makes me happy.

Aah, Reina sure is peerless. Even though she's only in the third year of middle school like me, she's so different.

"You're so lucky, Reina..."

"Mm? Why?"

"I mean... you're pretty and you're smart... I can't help thinking that God treats us unjustly."

Yeah, God is unjust. If he wasn't, Reina and I wouldn't be living in the same world. I suppose God doesn't get around to balancing out everything that he's created, and passes us around even more carelessly than workers do with products on a conveyor belt.

Everyone knows that. But I'm not mature enough yet to accept that I'm "inferior".

"That's not true! You're cute, Fumi," she responds with a kind smile, reading my mind.

"...I'm not. That sounds a bit like sarcasm if it's you, you know...?"

"Ah, that's totally mean! But Fumi... while some people like you prefer me, there are also some people who would prefer you!"

"No."

"But there are! At least there's one, right here," Reina says as she points at herself and smiles.

"But—"

"If," she interrupts me, "If for argument's sake, there were more people who prefer me over you, why should you care? Numbers don't mean anything. Or do you want to be in the spotlight like an idol?"

"That's not it."

"Then there's nothing to worry about, is there? There's at least one person right here who thinks you are irreplaceable. Or are you not satisfied with that?"

"Mmm! I couldn't wish for more!"

"...I see."

Reina puts on her kind smile again, which makes me kind of ashamed of my behavior.

Aah... I'm still such a child. Silly me. Really. I bet Reina thinks that I'm jealous of her beauty, which is actually true. I'm so filthy. Now she's lost faith in me. I'm sure.

"...Fumi, you're blaming yourself, aren't you?"

"Eh?"

"My... you really ''are'' too kind. Do you think I'd taken offense?"

"But——"

"No buts. You're being a little rude, you know?"

"Eh?"

"Fumi, you are a dear friend of mine. Someone important to me. By acting this way, it almost seems as if you didn't believe me?"

"Ah..."

"Fumi. I'm your best friend, right?"

"Of course!"

I can say this for certain.

"You're an irreplaceable friend, Reina!"

A dear friend who could never be replaced.

If Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long since have—

==2==
Another bad day starts.

The fact that I'm usually alone in the morning only makes it worse; Reina often has to go early to school because of her morning practice in the track and field club. I did once consider leaving the house at the same time as she does, but waiting in the classroom until classes begin is pretty painful as well, and most of all, I don't want to bother her, so I decided against it.

I walk alone to school and head to the shoe lockers to change into my indoor shoes.

"..."

What is this...?

''Morning!'' I hear someone say behind me (of course not to me) and hurriedly close my locker. After waiting for that student to leave, I open it again.

"Oh, eh..."

There is a letter on my indoor shoes.

I reach out, but at a loss what to do, my hand stays there until another student approaches. On the spur of the moment, I cram the letter into my bag.

Oh my, oh my... i-is this a...?

I get uncomfortable. I don't know why that is, but there are too many people here. I feel like all the people around me are watching me. Whenever a glance crosses my eyes (and I know it just crosses them and doesn't actually perceive me) I feel it piercing through me.

Nobody would care about me, I know that, but I can't help feeling that everybody keeps watching my every step.

Unable to bear the gazes any longer, I escape to the restroom, and hurry into a toilet stall, and take the letter out.

Stuffing it into my bag has left the letter slightly crumpled — sorry to the person who put it into my locker.

I unfold the letter.

"Dear Fumi Saito

I am writing this letter to you because there is something that I have been wanting to tell you.

Please wait in your classroom after school."

That's all there is.

"Ah...hah..." I gasp for air, finally noticing that I haven't breathed while reading.

What is this about? What... what is this about?

As short as it is, I can still see that, objectively, it's probably a love letter. However, it's addressed at me. A love letter addressed at me? Really? Is that possible?

"Of course it's possible!" Reina says right off the bat.

We're on break and have come to the landing of the stairs that lead to the roof. Because the roof is inaccessible, the stairs here are virtually never used by anyone, which is why we often use them when we want to discuss something in secret (although it's mostly me who has something to discuss).

"How can you be so sure?! I mean, we're talking about me here...!"

"As I told you the other day, Fumi: you are a charming girl."

I open my mouth to deny what she said, but then I reconsider, thinking back at how we went round in circles last time.

"So, how about it, Fumi?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"What's your response to that love letter?"

"Ah—"

I had completely forgotten about that because I was fixated on the fact that I'd received one. Right, I still have to respond to it.

"R-Reina, I, I don't know what to do!"

"To start with, how do you feel about that boy?"

"That boy...?"

I unfold the love letter and check again.

"Well, Fumi? How do you feel about him? Do you know each other pretty well? Or not at all, maybe?"

"—None."

"Hm?"

"There's no name."

"Let me... let me take a look."

I give Reina the letter. She inspects the piece of paper from all sides, and eventually heaves a sigh.

"You're right. There's no name."

"...You've received love letters before, right, Reina?"

"Yes, I have."

"Were there any without a name?"

"...Hm... maybe there was one, but I think it was a case where the sender was obvious. I always knew who the letter was from."

"I see..."

I reread the letter. ''"Please wait in your classroom after school"'' — a sincere request to me.

"...What are you going to do?" Reina inquires.

"Don't you know pretty well what I'm going to do, Reina?"

"...Right. Well, it's you after all!" she smiles gloomily.

"Don't... don't wait for me today after you're done with your club activities."

"Why not...?"

"..." I remain silent, unable to give her a proper answer. I don't really know why I asked her that, either. Normally, I would want her with me at such times.

Reina gives me a bright smile, "...Hey, Fumi. You've been wanting to go to the aquarium, haven't you?"

"...Yeah. I love dolphins."

"Let's go there one of these days, then!"

Why would she propose that now?

"...Mm! It's a promise!"

I knew why, and that made me happy.

Classes have ended.

I always stay at school even without receiving such a letter, because I wait for Reina's club activities to end.

Today, however, I had Reina go home herself. I'm alone—alone at waiting for the sender of that letter.

As I gaze at an open book, I ponder over who I want the letter to be from. Kado-kun, the boy who is popular in class because he's good at basketball? Mm, I would be happy. The delinquent of our class, Ashizawa-kun? He's a bit scary, but I think I would appreciate it. How about Kogure-kun, although he's a bit strange? I would probably be a bit wary of him, but still happy. And Dojima-kun, who everyone avoids because he's dirty? I wouldn't want to go out with him, but I would be happy.

It's always a nice thing to be thought of favorably.

But how would I respond when it comes to dating someone?

Right now... I have no such plans, because I don't exactly know what would be expected of me. I'm a bit scared, and I don't know how I should treat the other party.

I guess a proper couple has to kiss? But how does that feel? When do you feel like kissing? How should I react when he wants me to kiss? Would he be hurt when I refused to? I can't refuse then... I don't want to be disliked, after all.

Right. Refusal is no option.

Mm, so it doesn't matter who gave me that letter—I have to obey and ''wait in my classroom after school''.

It has become dark outside. The school is going to be closed soon.

Maybe, no one will come. Maybe, it was a joke. If it was—I would feel a bit calmer.

I stow away the book I have hardly read and just gazed at, and prepare myself for taking my leave, when suddenly, the Mizuhara group enters the classroom. They all belong to the tennis club, so I first thought they came to leave their rackets here.

However, their eyes reveal to me that there's more to it.

Mizuhara-san looks at me. "Heh, so you waited."

"Er..."

The girls around her start to giggle as they watch me getting nervous.

"Did we get your hopes up?" Mizuhara-san asks with a grin.

"Eh, um..."

What should I answer...? What answer do they expect from me?

"Probably... I did get hopes..." I answer honestly.

Suddenly, one of them laughs out loud, unable to hold it in any longer, spurring on the giggling.

"Oh come on, that's stupid! No guy would be interested in a sourpuss like you!"

"Kaho! Don't be so mean to her~!"

"But look...!"

"Well, she ''is'' pretty gullible, but that makes it clear how serious her case is, right?"

"Yeah, she's obviously not used to this kind of stuff."

Without giving me a chance to interrupt, Takatsuki-san and Omi-san keep discussing how dumb and strange I am.

I don't know what to do.

Hopes. Right, I had faint hopes that someone might like me. How stupid of me. That's absurd. Completely impossible.

Right now, there is a clear barrier between the rest of the world and me. Transparent, yet tough like tempered glass. Even though they can see me, no one attempts to read what feelings I hold behind my face. Even though they can hear me, no one attempts to understand the meaning of my words.

It's almost like my eyes perceive something entirely different from everyone else. Whenever I reach out my hands, I can only grasp air.

Alone. I'm alone.

Someone likes me? As if. No one is interested in me in the least, except maybe as someone to tease. As a topic to laugh at.

"...uh..."

Ah... I didn't want to cry... but there goes a tear. This will spoil the party. I'm sorry, but I cried, I'm really sorry.

As I expected, they start making uneasy faces.

Desperately trying not to show them my tears, I cover my eyes.

"Aah... we made her cry. Sorry, Saito-san," Mizuhara-san says gently. "But you know? We didn't mean to hurt you. How should I put it... you always avoid talking to people, no?"

No, I simply ''can't'' talk to people!

"I think that's not a good thing, so I thought that doing this, kind of like a shock treatment, might help you. I didn't mean any harm."

I wonder how much truth there is to that? Maybe that was part of the reason, but how is a fake love letter supposed to get me to speak normally? Was there no other way? Isn't that just a pretext to tease me?

"No offense! Really! ...Will you forgive me?"

However, there is something desperate in her voice that makes me nod as I still keep my eyes covered.

"Aah, thanks a lot... I'm really sorry. Okay, see you."

Once I had forgiven them, they quickly left.

...But Mizuhara-san isn't mean. She may have completely missed the mark, but she did care about me. She does take heed of me.

Yeah, she's not mean. She's not.. mean.

"What a mean bunch!"

My inner dialog is being denied. Surprised by that sudden voice, I look up.

"Ah... Kimura-kun..."

Oh no, he saw my tear-stained face. I must look horrible right now...

"Sorry! I allowed myself to overhear your little conversation," he says with an uneasy expression.

"Mmm! I-It's fine..." These words escape my lips because I want to reassure him.

"...They teased you with a fake love letter, right? That's cruel. She... Mizuhara's always like that. You could say that her hobby is to toy with the feelings of others!" Kimura-kun rants, seeming genuinely angry at her.

Is he angry for my sake? For real? If so, why?

Okay, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to calm him down?

"It's okay, Kimura-kun... I knew it was just a trick."

"You knew it was a trick?" he asks while raising an eyebrow.

"I knew that... it would end like this."

"...But why didn't you ignore the letter, then?"

"———"

I couldn't give him an answer. I have no idea how to put it into words.

"Well, whatever... anyway, if something like this happens again, be sure to let me know!"

"Eh?!"

"W-What? You don't trust me, or what?"

I shake my head furiously. It's only natural that I would get startled — after all, he doesn't profit in any way from helping me.

"You're quite the strange girl... okay, gotta go!" he says as he puts a hand on my head with a smile, after which he left. Unable to make sense of that, I just watched him baffledly.

While walking home alone, I start reflecting on the reason why I couldn't ignore the letter.

I expected the letter to be fake — because there was no name, because the paper used was not typical for boys, and most of all, because I noticed that the writer had deliberately tried to fake her handwriting.

However, what if, as unlikely as it is, the love letter had been real? In that case, ignoring it would have hurt that person. I would have betrayed that person and his sincere request ''to have me wait''. I couldn't do that. Absolutely not.

Besides, I couldn't have ignored it either way: the person who wanted to make a joke at my expense wished for me to take on the role of a fool. Had I ignored that request, I would have betrayed their expectations. I would have spoiled their fun. I would have fallen into their disfavor.

That's why I was unable to ignore the letter.

Did I make the right choice? No, I'm sure I didn't. If I were right—

—It wouldn't hurt so much.

Reina.

It hurts, Reina!

I don't want to be '''here''', it hurts!

For the first time in a long time, I have to face that thought again. That thought I always held before meeting Reina.

Right, if Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long have—died.

I have thought about dying countless times.

I'm sure there is no such thing like happy times.

Adult people lie when they speak of their supposedly happy youth. If they don't, then nostalgia must have warped their memories, because they couldn't endure the absence of hope in reality otherwise. Thinking that back in the day, everything used to be better, in order to put up with the present.

This leads to my hypothesis:

Life is and will always be hopeless. We live our pitch-dark lives as we cling to shiny shards that appear every now and then, and then we think back at those shards with a nostalgic smile on our faces. Like fools.

However, I don't have a past to take refuge. I don't have a past to romanticize in my mind when I lose hope in reality. I have no other choice but to accept that life is filled with despair from bottom to top.

Therefore, the only place I can escape to is death.

''Don't think of suicide'', people say. But is that statement backed by actual thought? You shall not kill. Of course. You shall not steal. Of course. You shall not commit suicide. Of course. The answer is so obvious that there is no place for doubt. Those statements must be perfectly true. Dazzlingly true.

You have to walk an endless muddy path that has no significance whatsoever, and you are naturally not allowed to break out. What a hopeless system.

What do you want me to do? What the hell am I supposed to do?

Someone save me! Give me hope! No, I won't be so greedy. Please someone, just notice that I'm walking this path and say a few gentle words to me...

"Fumi."

Surprised by the voice that calls out to me at the perfect moment, I raise my head.

"Reina..."

Only after speaking these words do I notice that I have been crying.

"You told me to go home, but you didn't tell me not to come meet you, right?" she smiles gently at me.

"...I can't."

Even though she understands what I mean, she gently embraces me.

"...It was painful, wasn't it?"

I can't... I just can't anymore!

I'll depend on you, Reina! I'll lean against you! I'll entrust my life to you!

"It's okay," she whispers to me. "I won't betray you."

"—!"

I clearly understand now why I had Reina go home earlier.

It's because I knew that she would comfort me. Because I knew that I would depend on her.

What is the consequence of that?

I have long lost my balance to be '''here''', and needed something to take refuge in.

Needless to say, Reina Kamisu has taken on the role of my refuge, of my shelter.

But now, because of her embrace, I have completely become dependent on her. Maybe that has already been the case for a long time, but either way, I can no longer exist without Reina.

In order to prevent that, I have sent her home.

"...Reina...I..."

"It's okay. Don't worry. I'll... take on your burden."

Her words pierce through me.

I feel how my entire body starts to melt into Reina's body. Slowly but surely, I fade into her.

Such bliss.

I realize that this is what it means to be accepted by someone.

"Uh...gh...," I moan as my tears push up. They fall onto Reina, producing small ripples. I always thought my tears would only fall to the ground, but I was wrong — they have reached Reina's heart.

I am part of Reina, and—

—Reina is everything of me.

==3==

I am changing. The liquid "Reina" is continuously being poured into the container "I", while the liquid "I" is overflowing from that container.

The container is still me, but its contents are Reina; Reina has become my essence.

I still hardly speak anything in the classroom (although Kimura-kun, whose desk is behind mine, talks to me from time to time), but I don't feel depressed anymore.

I am not alone.

That belief gives me strength. That thought I have been holding has gone somewhere far away.

I don't care about anything, as long as Reina is with me.

That's what I thought. That's what I believed.

But not in my wildest dreams did I expect that things could still get worse.

"I can't find my wallet!" Mizuhara-san screams agitatedly.

Everyone present at the homeroom after classes, our class teacher Kosugi-sensei included, focuses on her as she desperately searches for her wallet. The member of her group are watching her worriedly. For a few moments, the classroom lapses into silence, until someone checks if their own wallet is still there, and the others follow suit. I don't bring my wallet to school, but I reach into my pocket nonetheless in order not to be the odd one out.

By the time everyone has confirmed that their money is safe, Mizuhara-san is sitting still in her seat, visibly troubled. Kosugi-sensei walks toward her.

"Have you found it?"

"No..."

"Are you sure that it was there?"

"Absolutely."

"Understood," the teacher says with a frown and goes back to the teacher's desk. "All right, as you surely heard, Mizuhara has lost her wallet. Of course, this may be some sort of misunderstanding on her end, but—" he starts and explains in a ridiculously roundabout way that there is a chance that a member of this class might have stolen her wallet.

The likelihood of pickpocketing is high, considering what the missing item is. Not far in the past, there has been a fuss over a stolen mp3-player.

Mizuhara-san, convinced that it was a theft, is visibly angered, and so are the members of her group, influenced by her.

"Does anyone have a clue where her wallet might be?" the teacher asks.

The students just exchange glances. The teacher isn't expecting any answers, either — the culprit or those who know who did it wouldn't speak up right now.

Or so I thought. But I was wrong.

Kimura-kun reluctantly raises his hand.

"Kimura, do you know something?"

"No, not exactly... but there's something that bothers me."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think that it's common to take the wallet when stealing money. Normally, you would just pull out the contents, right? In fact, that's how the theft in class 5 happened."

"...Perhaps."

"Besides, it would make more sense to steal the money of all members of this class instead of only Mizuhara-san's. Yet, she's the only victim."

"What are you getting at?"

"What I want to say is that it's either a misunderstanding or a vicious joke toward Mizuhara-san."

"It's absolutely not a misunderstanding!" Mizuhara-san disagrees loudly. "Someone has played a trick on me!"

"A trick, hm? How much was in your wallet, if I may ask?"

"...1000 yen and change, but so what?" she answers grumpily.

"So it can't be because of the money, then. It looks like the goal of the culprit was teasing Mizuhara-san; and wouldn't that narrow down the list of suspects to a manageable number?" Kimura-kun says, causing everyone to exchange glances again.

That means that the culprit has a grudge against her, or at least doesn't think favorably of her?

Arriving at this thought—

—I notice that eyes are starting to focus on me.

"Huh...?"

A few students who aren't looking at me notice that a few of their classmates are focusing on me, and thus follow suit. On seeing that, yet another person gazes at me. All eyes are pinned on me.

Why? Why would they look at me?

This makes it seem like... like—

Our teacher, too, notices that I'm the center of attention, and looks at me, only to move his gaze on to Mizuhara-san. I follow his glance.

For some reason, she makes a face of realization.

"Saito," the teacher says to me in a stern voice, causing me to wince.

Just because he called my name? ...Yes, but I but I'm not so dumb as to not understand the situation. To me, this is just like a — death sentence.

"Do you know something?"

"Eh? Ah...er..."

I don't know anything! I'm innocent! But... I fail to say so properly.

"What's wrong? I have asked you a question, Saito."

But he's suspecting me.

"Uh..."

Everyone is looking at me, suspecting me — that's more than enough to make me lose my tongue, but they do not see that.

They understand it like so: I'm panicking because I've been busted, because I'm the culprit.

I'm perfectly aware of that, and I know that I must absolutely answer his question with confidence, but yet I find myself unable to do so.

"I... I..."

If someone was here who understand my personality — if Reina was here — she could explain it to them, but she's not here.

She's not here.

I don't have any supporters here.

"I don't... I don't know any—"

"Kosugi-sensei," Mizuhara-san says, cutting my desperate words short. I look at her in wonder.

There is no anger in her face anymore.

"What is it, Mizuhara?"

"I did something to Saito-san that may have made her grudge me. I... I played a trick on her. Thinking about it now... that was mean of me," she says with tears in her eyes. "But I... I did it because I thought I could help her to open herself!"

Surprised at what she said, I gaze at her. The sorrowful expression on her face isn't faked. Mizuhara-san is honest.

However, it's unclear to me whether she really tried to open my heart with that fake love letter, or just persuaded herself of that noble goal because of the situation she has found herself in.

Whatever the answer is, there is one thing that has become a fact.

Her words have settled my position.

"..."

All eyes fixed on me.

Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.

Like light projected through a loop, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

There is no suspicion in them anymore.

It's been decided.

It's been decided that I am the culprit.

"N-No, I'm haven—"

"It was YOU!" Takatsuki-san cuts me short. "You were pissed off, but you couldn't defend yourself because you were too scared! That's why you resorted to such a dirty trick — to vent your frustration!"

"Don't say that, Kaho. I'm... I'm also at fault..."

''Also.''

The words Mizuhara-san sobbed subliminally yet clearly implied that I'm the culprit and that she's the victim.

As a result, her words added fuel to the fire. With a fire-red head, Takatsuki-san walks toward me. Fearing to be hit, I cover my head and cower.

However, she did not come to hit me. Her goal was my bag. She picks it up, opens it, turns it upside town and pours its contents onto my desk.

And for some reason, there is an unfamiliar wallet among the things that fall on my desk. However, someone has mangled it with a cutter.

"...Saito, you are to come to the staff room afterwards."

The moment the teacher says so, uncontrollable sobbing resounds through the classroom.

Needless to say, it was Mizuhara-san.

I look around.

Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes.

Like an ice pick, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

Reina isn't '''here'''.

In other words—no one is '''here'''.

I don't have any supporters '''here'''.

The next day, my desk has disappeared.

Up until now, I have merely been air for everyone, but from now on, they won't even grant me to be air anymore.

I'm not even allowed to exist.

A missing desk in a classroom is like a missing piece in a puzzle; but in this case it's my desk that is missing. I must be the only one who feels that a piece is missing — for everyone else, the puzzle is completed.

I go to the veranda and move the desk and the chair back to their original place. Original place? Really? No, perhaps the original place where my seat is supposed to be is not in the classroom, but at the veranda.

But while that may be true... I don't want to notice.

White, everything turns white.

Everything besides Reina and me turns white.

Like a novel lacking spaces, I'm unable to make sense of the white world '''here'''. They disappear. Everything besides me flees out of reach.

Or perhaps—

I'm the one who is lacking color.

The lunch break ends without my talking to anyone.

I really haven't spoken a word, since I couldn't meet Reina, either. Not one word has been spoken for me or toward me.

People have stopped speaking to me. No, that's no news, but at least previously, there was no ill will in that.

I wasn't even allowed of the absolute minimum of conversation. Even Kimura-kun wasn't able to overcome the magnetic field around me that has emerged in class.

"..."

I was aware of it.

I was aware of it, but this makes it clear.

No one cares if I just disappeared.

The world wouldn't disappear when I disappeared. The blue sky would completely ignore me and not even let it rain. No one cares whatever happens to me. I'm absolutely separated from the rest of the world.

Again, a familiar thought assaults me.

—I... I can't endure it anymore, Reina!

Why? What have I done? I didn't want to be disliked. That's all... I just shut myself into my little box because I was afraid of getting hurt, yet why do they pierce it with spears?

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

Save me Reina, save me Reina, save me rena, savemerena.

"They're all so mean."

"—Huh?"

Reina stands before my eyes.

"'Huh'? What is it, Fumi?"

"Ah, mmm... nothing."

Classes have ended; I have caught Reina when she was about to go to her club and consulted her at our usual spot on the stairs to the roof.

Yes, that sounds perfectly natural.

Why is it then that something felt fatally off? There's no reason.

"Why would they think that you're the culprit without conclusive proof? There's no way you would that."

"...Well, they don't know my personality. Besides, Mizuhara-san's wallet was in my bag, so it's natural that they would think that I did it."

"Yes, but Fumi... why was that wallet in your bag, anyway?"

"Because—"

I don't really want to think about it...

"...The first reason that comes to mind would be because someone is trying to set you up."

"...Yeah, most likely." Unless I have a split personality. "...Someone who hates me?"

"I... I don't think so. You're not one to make a lot of enemies... I think that someone simply thought that it would be easy to lay the blame on you."

Perhaps.

But anyway, someone hated me enough to be fine with putting the blame on me.

"That's just heartless! We have to find and teach that culprit a lesson!"

"No... no need to!"

"Why? Aren't you suffering under the current situation?"

"I am. I am, but..."

"But?"

"The problem isn't new. It's merely surfaced now..."

"That's not... I mean, you weren't particularly unpopular..."

"You think so? I'm pretty sure it was a matter of time. For example, if Mizuhara-san's position and mine had been reversed, I most likely would have ended up with the short end of the stick."

"No, you're—"

Reina is at a loss for words. When it comes to deciding who is at fault, it doesn't matter what was done, but who did it. Between a teacher and a student, the student will be the bad one; between a honor student and a delinquent, the delinquent will be the bad one; between a beautiful person and an ugly person, the ugly person will be the bad one.

And of course, between Mizuhara-san and me, I will be the bad one.

In other words, the result has been decided all along.

Smart as Reina is, she realizes that.

"...That's not true!"

Reina doesn't believe her own words, and looking at her face, she is blaming herself for faltering.

...But there's nothing to blame herself for, since it's a fact.

"Reina."

"Hm?"

"You're still on my side, right?"

"Of course I am!"

Good.

I have a supporter. I have a irreplaceable friend. I have Reina.

So I may still be here.

"Ah—" Reina suddenly says, so I follow her gaze.

"Um..."

Kimura-kun is standing there, seemingly feeling a bit out-of-place.

"...Kimura-kun? What's the matter?"

"Ah, yes... can you spare a minute?" he asks reluctantly.

"Y-Yeah... what is it?"

"To come straight to the point, Ashi-chan told me to call you out, because I happened to know that you're here sometimes."

"Ashi-chan?"

"I'm talking about Ashizawa-kun! Toshiki Ashizawa."

The bad-mannered Ashizawa-kun...? What would he want from me?

Whatever it is, it can't be good for me. Kimura-kun's expression makes this obvious.

"Err... is he... angry?"

"..."

He just gazes closely at me, and eventually averts his eyes.

"...He is?"

"Saito-san. It might be better if you didn't go," he mutters with eyes cast away.

...It looks like it's more serious than I thought. But if I don't go, Ashizawa-kun's aversion toward me will only grow.

I—don't want that. I don't want to be avoided even more because of a misunderstanding.

"...I'm going."

"Okay..." he says as if he was going to get a beating from Ashizawa-kun.

"Fumi," Reina addresses me in a worried tone.

"I'll be fine," I smile and wave her goodbye.

Brought to our classroom (Kimura-kun immediately left for his club), Ashizawa-kun drives me into a corner, and without any time for confusion, I am surrounded by his buddies, Takatsuki-san and the other members of the group, while a few of my other classmates are watching from a safe distance. Mizuhara-san is here as well, but watching from afar with an uneasy expression.

"Okay. Do you know what this is?" Ashizawa-kun says in an oppressive voice as he holds something against my face. It's hard to see from such a short distance, but I can recognize that it's Mizuhara-san's wallet.

"—"

I try to answer, but the words stick in my throat. Everyone is watching me closely and with blatant enmity; I feel that I'm not allowed to speak. I'm scared.

His right arm, which is right beside my head, might lose it any moment. He definitely wants to. He is angry. And the perfect target to vent his anger on is right before his eyes.

I'm scared! Why are they looking at me like that? I can't say anything! I'm not allowed to speak!

"Hey! I asked you what the fuck this is!" he yells. His right arm is twitching.

"It's a... wallet..."

"Whose wallet?"

"Mizuhara-san's..."

"Right. It's Yuu's wallet."

Yuu? Come to think of it, that's Mizuhara-san's first name.

"It's the wallet I gave her for her birthday. It's the wallet you cut up with a goddamn cutter!" he says, some of his saliva flying on my face.

Anger has made him lose more than half of his reasoning. Had I been a guy, he would have beaten me up already long ago.

"You knew that Yuu's dating Toshiki, didn't you?" Takatsuki-san says with a scary face. "And you also knew that this wallet was a present from him, right?"

I don't. I had no idea that they were a couple. Such rumors don't reach me at all.

"That's why you stole the wallet when you were pissed off, no? You can't hide it!"

No, I didn't do anything!

But I can't say that. Even if I did and explained myself, they wouldn't believe me.

"Do you get that? This isn't something you can make up for with fucking money!"

His right hand moves. I reflexively close my eyes. However, he could somehow control himself and hit the wall behind me.

I mind goes blank like white paint. I'm trembling all over.

What am I supposed to do? I'm scared! Please, don't hurt me. I haven't done anything!

"Save me..."

I mutter at last, cornered and intimidated.

"Save me..."

At first, the others seem to think that I am begging toward them, but they quickly realize that's not the case and are taken aback.

"Save me..."

I seek help. Of course, there is only one person I would seek help from.

"Save me... Reina."

I didn't want to get Reina involved, so I tried to solve the matter without her coming with me.

But I failed.

I imagine how her long her sways as Reina appears and swiftly frees me from their claws. I have a feeling that this picture will become reality. And then she will smile at me with her absurdly beautiful face, "Everything is all right, Fumi."

—However, Reina didn't come.

That sweet illusion took me from the ground to the clouds, to the pinnacle. But at the end of the day, I keep crawling on the ground in reality. I am thrown off the pinnacle again.

"Uh...uh..."

Unable to hold it in, I start to cry.

Thrown off course by my tears, the signs for violence disappear, even though Ashizawa-kun is still visibly angered.

"What?! Do you think we'll forgive you if you cry?!" Takatsuki-san shouts as she draws near to me. "Besides, there's no one who would want to 'save' someone like ''you''!"

"But there is..."

"Who? Your mom? A teacher? They would only help you because it's their duty!"

"There is!"

"And who would that be?! Good lord, you are—"

"Reina! Reina Kamisu is there for me!" I scream. In a voice that might well have been the strongest in my entire life.

Takatsuki-san—no, everyone present—widen their eyes in response to my powerful shout. I'm surprised by myself, too, but I don't regret it.

Because that's the one thing that I will not allow anyone to disagree with me.

I do have an irreplaceable friend.

I do have Reina Kamisu.

I won't let anyone say otherwise.

Taking advantage of their confusion, I escape. I escape from ''them''. I no longer need anything. Nothing.

All I need is Reina.

As long as Reina is with me, I'm perfectly fine.

==4==
As promised, Reina and I went to the aquarium.

There are more visitors than expected for a workday, most of which are families with children and young couples around twenty years old. Probably because they are not as restricted in time.

And of course, we are the only middle schoolers around.

"Reina, are you sure you don't need to go to school?"

"It's fine, but what about you, Fumi?"

"I don't mind at all."

I'm not welcome at school, anyway. My parents won't notice that I'm skipping, either, unless they get a call from school. In fact, ditching school today has made me wonder why I haven't done this sooner.

I look through the glass into the water tank.

Pretty fishes. That's all that comes to mind. They belong to the species ''Chaetodon auripes'', but I'm going to forget that in a few seconds. Therefore, I only feel that they're pretty.

But that's fun.

"Oh, look, Fumi! Lots of jellyfish!"

"Cool."

"I love jellyfish."

"You do? Why?"

"Hm? Well... I wonder why? Maybe because... they don't look a lot like living beings?"

They don't look like living beings — now that she mentions it, she has a point. Inside an aquarium, they still feel a bit like living beings, but when they are held in a water tank at home, they're more like decoration. Decoration that shines and pulsates. When jellyfish are put into a tank in a house, their role changes from a ''living being'' to ''decoration''.

"Besides, jellyfish kind of stand out. All other fishes here are just ''fishes'', but jellyfish fell like entirely different beings. Ah, I'm not making sense, am I?"

"No, I know what you mean. You want to say that jellyfish are simply jellyfish, right?"

"Ah, yes, sort of. Jellyfish are simply jellyfish."

Jellyfish are simply jellyfish.

Looking at Reina, who is gazing into the water tank, I think:

''Reina's also like that.''

Reina Kamisu is simply Reina Kamisu.

Absurdly beautiful, completely different from everyone else, and my only supporter.

Reina notices my glance.

"...What's wrong, Fumi?" she asks.

"Mm, nothing."

She tilts her head.

"Reina... the dolphin show is starting!"

"Hm? Oh, you're right. Okay, let's hurry up."

Slightly swift-footed, walk to the stadium where the dolphin show takes place.

On the way there, we come past a tank in which a large number of fishes are herding together and keep rotating restlessly.

Don't they get tired? I don't only mean physically, but also mentally. Rotating all the time won't get them any farther, after all; they could just as well stay still from the start. If they don't want to get anywhere, is it their goal to continue doing this until they can't move anymore? Don't they feel that such a life is futile?

But the fishes keep rotating, not caring about my thoughts.

The seats at the stadium are being occupied from the back to the front.

"Let's go to the front row, Reina."

"Eh? We'll get wet!"

"I know, but I want to watch the dolphins from as close as possible."

With a wry but gentle smile, she follows me to the first row and takes a seat.

"By the way, Fumi, I told you why I like jellyfish, but what's your reason for liking dolphins?"

"Hm... because they're adorable."

"That's all?"

"No, apart from that..."

Before I can continue, the woman in charge of the show begins the narration, starting with a brief explanation on the ecology of dolphins (where their nose is, that they hear sounds through their bones, etc.).

And then the show begins.

As several dolphins leap into the air to greet us, I am already enchanted.

They are pretty big when you actually see them — their jumps are spectacular and cause the children in the audience to shout in joy. They look so majestic yet adorable.

As they land again, water spills toward us. I instinctively shrink back. While it doesn't reach my clothes, my shoes get slightly wet.

Awesome! That's just awesome! Dolphins are great!

During the show, they jumped through rings, returned balls the woman had thrown to them, and swam around in circles... in a nutshell, it was awesome and I was absorbed.

"Dolphins sure are intelligent..." Reina suddenly says.

"Totally!" I respond immediately.

"Hahaha, you really love them, don't you? Is their smartness also a reason why—"

"Yeah!"

The show reaches the climax, which features a trick where three dolphins have to simultaneously jump over a stick that is set up at an extremely high position.

"And you know, dolphins send out ultrasonic waves and determine the position of objects through the reflected waves!"

"Just like bats."

"Hmm... I don't want to think of them in the same category, but yeah."

The dolphins ready themselves no the signal by the woman.

Are they able to jump so high? Well, they wouldn't be doing this if they couldn't, but I'm afraid that one of them might not make it.

I hold my breath.

The dolphins stand side by side (can you say that in this case?) and — jump.

"Whoa!"

It was a feast for the eyes.

With a grand splash, the three dolphins land in the water, raising a few large waves.

"Incredible..." I say in blank astonishment.

Looking at the wavy pool, I arrive at the thought that dolphins might be the cause for the never-ceasing waves of the sea.

"Hey, Fumi? Dolphins can communicate through sounds, right?"

"Yeah. Although it's unknown how sophisticated their conversations are. I for one believe that their communication skills are just as high as ours."

"I see... that would be nice."

"Mm! Actually, another reason why I love dolphins is because they can communicate with one another!"

"Oh, nice."

The show ends and the visitors start to leave while the dolphins are bidding them farewell by swimming around and doing individual performances.

"You know, when I learned that dolphins can communicate through sounds, I was jealous of them," I murmur while watching their performance.

"...jealous?" Reina asks puzzledly, tilting her head to the side.

"..."

I waver if I should explain it to her. If I continue, I will spoil the joyful mood.

"I think that communication through words is too complicated for me."

But I don't want to have secrets from Reina.

"Fumi..."

"I'm sure that even I would have been able to get friends if we had other ways of communicating..."

"You have me, Fumi!"

"...Mm."

These words of hers are enough for me.

"But you know, lately I've come to think that..."

"Hm?"

"I think that I might have become 'like that'."

"...'like that'?"

Unable to answer her, I look at the dolphins again, which are busy showing their performances. One of them is waving us goodbye with its fin.

I wave back.

And that's what I mean.

I am waving my hand because I freely interpret the dolphin's waving his fin as "goodbye." Our actions aren't in line at all.

Right, as deplorable as it is, I can't talk with dolphins.

But that isn't limited to dolphins.

My language has become different from everyone else's, and that's why I can't get through to anyone. My words don't reach anyone.

Except for Reina.

My way of communication has become different. And that's why I'm getting disconnected and disappearing.

We leave the aquarium, which is in the center of an aquatic park. I walk up to a bench and sit down. Reina sits down next to me.

"Reina? Would you..."

Reina looks at me when I suddenly start to talk.

"Would you be okay if we were the only humans on earth?"

I look around. There's no one nearby apart from Reina, which isn't that surprising for a workday afternoon. We're alone. I wouldn't be in the least concerned if the world closed up right now and we were left behind just by the two of us.

"Hm... it would be pretty troublesome because we'd have no electricity..."

"And if you think about it without such concerns?"

Reina gazes closely at my face, and answers with a smile:

"In that case, that wouldn't sound too bad."

"Really?"

"Really!"

I look at her. Aah, she isn't saying it just because. I'm happy, I really am.

After all, she's different from me! Unlike me, she is loved by a lot of people. Despite that, she would be with me.

"But you know, Reina, your mom would...be—"

—Reina's mom?

At once I get suspicious and stop.

A lot of people?

Well, there must be a lot. She's beautiful and nice, unlike me. But—

—But who is that, in specific?

"Fumi...?"

"Hey, Reina..."

"What's wrong?"

"...I've never been at your home, have I?"

"Are you sure?"

"Where do you live again? Nearby? You must be. After all, you go home together with me."

"What's wrong, Fumi? That's obvious, no?"

"Why is it then that — even though we are close friends — I haven't been at your place?"

"..." Reina remains silent.

Eh? Hold on! What's that supposed to mean?

We're best friends, no matter how you look at it, so why do I have no idea who her friends and her family is, and where she lives?

"By the way, Reina—"

"Don't say it!" she cuts my question short.

"Reina...?"

"Don't go farther than that..." she says sorrowfully and averts her eyes.

There are circumstances...? I don't know what it is, but Reina has a reason not to tell me about her.

Everyone has things that he doesn't want or can't say.

But,

But—

"—That's mean!"

"...Huh?"

"Aren't we best friends? We shouldn't keep any secrets from one another! Or was I the only one who felt that way? Hm?"

"No!"

"But then!"

"It's no good, Fumi!"

"Why? I don't understand, Reina!" I shout and as I do, I notice that a tear is flowing down my cheek, which leaves Reina speechless.

Cold air pulsates between us. That... hasn't happened before. This is the first time that we're surrounded by such cold air.

My feelings had reached Reina. She knows that I wouldn't ever hate or make fun of her.

There is no reason to have secrets.

There should be none.

Yet—

"I can't say it," she says distinctly.

"Why would you..."

Rejection.

No, that's not it. That can't be it. Reina would never want to hurt me. It's something... it must be something that she can't say despite that.

Of course I can understand that.

But—

"Don't doubt me."

I can't help but feel that she is rejecting me.

"Uh..."

Therefore, a drop falls from my eyes.

And once I realize that it's a ''tear'', they start to overflow like a waterfall. Aah, I'm crying way too often lately! Man, I don't want to show anyone my tears. I don't want to bother anyone. But they won't stop.

I press my head against my knees as I burst out crying.

"—Fumi."

Reina's voice.

Reina's gentle voice.

"I'm sorry."

All I could perceive was my own crying voice, which is why I didn't notice what was happening.

I kept crying like an idiot, and when I raised my head—

—Reina wasn't there.

"Reina...?"

I looked and ran around searching for her.

But she was nowhere to be found.

Reina isn't anywhere anymore.

I was standing there in the wide, empty aquatic park, left behind alone in the world.

==5==

People have erasers in their hearts.

While their efficiency differs from person to person — some of them are even incapable of erasing at all — anyone can use their eraser.

Rub, rub. Okay, away with you. You're an eyesore. Please go away. Rub, rub.

Two weeks have passed since the incident of Mizuhara-san's wallet. One week since I went to the aquarium with Reina.

Even after such a time span, no one is talking to me. Like on the previous days, I'm just sitting in my seat, which isn't supposed to be here, and gazing out of the window.

I have faded a lot.

Yet, they keep erasing me. Rub, rub.

Day by day, I am being erased. Bit by bit, I am fading. Rub, rub. Most of my existence has turned into eraser crumbs and gets wiped off my desk.

It's not going to get better. They have already become so used to rubbing me out that no one is having any doubts about it, let alone feelings of guilt. I'll keep being erased mechanically. If there is any human emotion involved, then it's slight irritation because their erasers get worn with use.

And Reina is still missing in this white and fading world.

Why? I'm not going to hold out like this! Reina... why did you leave me, Reina?

Why won't you appear before me? Even if you have secrets, that should be no obstacle for us!

Or do you hate me now?

Whatever it is, I want to see you!

I want to see you, I want to see you, I want to see you!

But no matter how much I beg, Reina doesn't appear.

And somewhere I know that she never will.

There is no meaning anymore.

In this classroom there is only irrelevant noise, irrelevant pictures, irrelevant classmates, and my irrelevant self.

There is no meaning anymore.

There is no meaning... in being '''here'''.

"—Goodbye," I whisper as I stand up.

The teacher is saying something. Ah, I was in the middle of having a 'lesson'?

Oh, he's angry. But I don't get what it's all about — after all, he isn't saying it for me, is he?

Oh, he's not angry anymore. But I wonder why he is looking at me like that? It's the first time someone does that, so I don't know what it means. But it looks a bit like he is scared.

I leave the classroom.

Far away behind me, the class is making a fuss, but it's irrelevant to me. Irrelevant. Completely irrelevant.

I'm sitting alone on the landing in the middle of the stairway to the roof. It's the second time since I've come here that the school building is getting noisy. What time is it? The first noise was probably the lunch break, so it must be the end of school today?

Reina. Will I ever see her again?

For some reason, I feel that I won't. I've been feeling that ever since she disappeared from me in that aquatic park. But so what? What about it? That doesn't change anything — I still need her, so much, so desperately.

Reina is all of me. Nothing remains if you take her from me. I'm empty. A wobbly lump that has no bones.

"Aah..."

What should I do? How can I meet Reina? I don't know! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?

Suddenly, I hear someone walking up the stairs.

I ready myself. It might be him — he might have come like I wanted.

"...Saito-san."

Kimura-kun appears before me.

"Kimura-kun... so you came to talk with me..."

"Yeah... I have no reasons to refuse if you call me out..."

Right. I have placed a letter into his shoe locker to call him here. Like Mizuhara-san did.

"I also brought this here with me. It was a pain to get past the eyes of the teachers," he explains as he holds out the keys to the roof.

"Mm. Thank you," I say and accept the keys from his visibly trembling hands. Perhaps, he has realized why I called him out here.

"..." he remains silent.

"Are you not going to ask...?"

"Ask what...?" he says clumsily.

"Why I had you bring me the keys to the roof."

After a few moments, he reluctantly asks, "Why?"

To tell the truth, I'm not sure how to answer him, either. Because maybe — no, for sure — my answer is going to hurt him.

But that's okay, isn't it? Kimura-kun is just as irrelevant as my other classmates, after all.

I reply: "To take revenge."

His face freezes instantly.

Oh, so I was right. Finally, I could confirm my suspicions.

"R-Revenge...?" he stutters miserably in bewilderment, and gets even more nervous because of it.

"You cut up Mizuhara-san's wallet and put it into my bag, didn't you?"

"W-Why would you say that...?" he counters, still not admitting to it, even though he knows that he can't talk himself out.

"It's okay! I don't plan to question you about it."

As a matter of fact, I really don't feel like questioning and blaming him. As I once told Reina, I was about to get into this situation anyway — Kimura-kun merely happened to be the one who pressed the switch.

My words seem to have calmed him down a bit.

"B-But... how did you find out?"

Do you really want to know? Isn't that going to be tough on you?

"...Should I answer that?"

Finally noticing the meaning of my answer, he looks down and says, "...No need to."

"Okay."

With these words, I slide the key into the lock.

There are several reasons why I suspected Kimura-kun.

My first doubts were raised when he started to converse with me after I had received the fake love letter. I was aware that Kimura-kun had no feelings for me, so I wondered why he would suddenly become so gentle.

Another clue was the general reaction when Mizuhara-san's wallet got lost. Everyone considered me the culprit right away. In other words, something led them to believe that I had a grudge against her. As far as I know, the only discord between Mizuhara-san and me is that love letter, which means that someone must have broadcast the story. But only her group and I, as well as Kimura-kun knew about it. Of course, I haven't told anyone, and Mizuhara-san and her friends didn't look like they would want to tell everyone about it, either.

But most of all, it was no one else but Kimura-kun who proposed that the culprit must have had a grudge against her. He called their attention to me in a blatant manner.

I don't know why he did that. Maybe he had a grudge against me that I don't know of, or he might have had strong feelings about Mizuhara-san and Ashizawa-kun.

But I don't really care.

His story is irrelevant to me.

I turn the key, and the door opens with a click. I tentatively turn the doorknob — yeah, seems fine.

"...What do you plan on doing on the roof, Saito-san?"

"..." I silently turn around to him.

"Saito-san...?"

I answer his question with a question.

"Hey, Kimura-kun—"

"—Do you happen to know ''Reina Kamisu''?"

Maybe I really thought that Reina would be waiting for me on the other side of the door.

This is a place that no one is allowed to enter, despite being so near. It's a place that we all know exists, yet only few have actually been there. And that's why I felt that I would find her here.

But of course, there is no sign of Reina.

I walk to the center of the roof and spin around.

Students going home, power poles established in regular intervals, the shopping district, our dirty river, another school, a house, another house — irrelevant scenery. But one thing within this irrelevant scenery — the glaring red sun hiding partly behind a building at the horizon — feels relevant to me.

The sun is about to hide on the other side, having completed its work for today, but floating there at the boundary, it feels like it's calling me.

I return to the door to lock it.

Now I'm completely alone.

I lean against the fence, and while watching the sun slowly hide its countenance, I think once more about Reina Kamisu.

Reina vanished. Yes, she vanished.

A beautiful and popular student suddenly stopped coming to school and went missing. This should have obviously been a serious incident for this Shikura middle school. It should have.

However, no one talks about it.

Of course, there is no one who would tell ''me'', but even I can perk up my ears for rumors. It's strange. Reina Kamisu does not come up anywhere at all. No one talks about such a extraordinary girl. Is that even possible?

I screwed up my courage and sneaked a peek into her class. First, I couldn't believe my eyes, then I couldn't believe my ears, and finally, I couldn't believe myself.

Her seat didn't exist. Her shoe locker didn't exist. Her name didn't exist. Nothing related to her existed.

Reina is nowhere.

And when I saw Kimura-kun's face when I asked him about Reina, I was convinced.

—Reina Kamisu vanished.

It's not simple death. She erased everything of her existence, everything related to it, and vanished. Without leaving anyone anything of herself, and completely revoking the fact that a person named Reina Kamisu has ever existed, she disappeared.

With the exception of me, her best friend.

But even I only have a few empty memories left — much like a drop of soda on the edge of an empty can. I don't remember where we met, how we became friends, or where we went apart from the aquarium. Nothing.

Those memories will soon wither as well, erasing her existence once and for all.

Reina is disappearing.

Reina, who was everything of me, is disappearing.

So—there is no reason for me to be '''here''' anymore.

I climb on the fence. It's 15cm wide, so I can stand without a problem.

I consider taking off my shoes, but I decide against it; I'm not trying to commit suicide or anything.

I'm merely going to see Reina.

Of course, I can't be sure if can meet her like that. It's just the absurd thought that if she isn't here, she must be "there." It's about as absurd as thinking that a bird can fly past the sky into the space.

But I can't think of anything else.

There is no other way, and if that's the only way, why should I not try it? There's nothing that stops me. Let me repeat that: I have no reason to be '''here''', so there is nothing that stops me.

I suddenly recall what I said to Kimura-kun.

—To take revenge.

Yeah, a petty revenge. By bringing me the keys, you got yourself involved in what is going to happen now, didn't you?

I wonder if he'll be having some pangs of remorse, even though he might not care about me?

I look down, and shrink back a little, scared of the imminent pain that I almost forgot about. That's going to hurt. Ten times... hundred times more than a syringe. But I mustn't flinch.

What is important to me? Meeting Reina. Being together with Reina.

That's all that counts. That's all...

Yes, with vigor!

Because I feel like I can get farther that way.

I take a vigorous leap.

Suddenly, the world spins and changes completely. Unable to properly grasp this unexpected world, I almost pass out.

I can only tell that it's not the place where I wanted to go. I have found myself in a tragic play.

Aah... did I fail? Did I make the wrong decision after all...?

But—

Just as I am about to give up, I realize that I've won the wager.

"Reina..."

Reina is right before my eyes.

"Reina, I missed you..."

She gives me her gentle and absurdly beautiful smile.

"Reina... tell me: where are you?"

"I am—" she answers.

"I am '''here'''. Kamisu Reina is — '''here'''."

Ah, right.

Why didn't I notice such a simple thing?

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Kamisu Reina Series|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Atsushi Kogure|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Fumi Saito

2013-09-08T09:43:38Z

MatrixM: /* 1 */

==1==

I don't have any friends.

Not because I hate talking to others, or because I'm mistrustful, or because I'm too lazy to cultivate contacts. It's not like I deliberately want to avoid making friends; put plain and simple, I'm just unable to make any.

My mom always tells me that it's no big deal, since I'm smart and my grades are good, but from my perspective ''that's'' no big deal. She doesn't know how cumbersome school is for people who can't make friends.

Just like right now: Even though it's break time and everyone's engaged in chats, I'm sitting here alone as if I were in another dimension. It gets even worse during the lunch break, when I wordlessly munch away on my lunch while all my classmates put their desks together and eat together—I always feel like a castaway on a desert island surrounded by the vast ocean.

From time to time I wonder if all the other people are just aliens wearing human disguises who are deceiving me, the last living earthling.

Ridiculous. Ridiculous, indeed, but that proves how alone I feel when I'm at school.

Because I have nothing to do between classes, I started reading books in my free time even though I don't really like doing so. Thanks to that, I've become even harder to approach and widened the gap between me and my classmates even further. It's a vicious cycle: I'm mistaken for someone who likes being alone, even though that's downright wrong. I'd love to chitchat, too! I want to chat about who's the coolest guy in our class or who my favorite member in whatever boyband is too! But I'm ignored. I'm only reluctantly approached by others when absolutely necessart.

Why am I unable to make friends? What makes me different from everyone else? Since I have nothing to do anyway, I often mull over this question.

It must be because I'm ugly. I have a lot of pimples, my eyes are small, and my nose is flat, just like my breasts. But do I really look that terrible? I don't think so. It's wrong to blame my looks, at any rate.

It's my communication skills. Right, I'm not good at talking to others. But why is that? Because I'm always cautious? Because I get nervous when I'm talked to? No, that's not all there is to it. That's just another vicious cycle that started because I don't often talk to others.

The root cause must be that... I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm scared of being thought of as an oddball. I'm scared of spoiling the mood by making an inappropriate remark. I'm scared of others' opinions of me.

Before I know it, I'm gazing at Mizuhara-san's group in the second row by the window. Mizuhara-san is sort of the leader of this class, and as such has lots of friends. They seem to be having a lot of fun. They're really enviable.

But even among the members of such a close group, I'm sure that people could name others in the same group who they don't like. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has characteristics that might cause resentment. I, for one, have lots of them.

Therefore, it must be impossible to make friends for me.

But that's okay.

I may have no normal friends, but I do have a best friend.

I have one irreplaceable best friend—

—Reina Kamisu.

"You're too kind, Fumi, that's your problem."

That's what Reina said to me on our way home when I told her about my take on why I can't make any friends.

The smile she flashed while saying that was so stunning that I couldn't help admiring her for a few moments. Her long hair is the purest raven-black and so smooth that it's unthinkable to find any split ends, while her body is curvy like a model's, unlike my immature development.

Reina is truly beautiful. Absurdly beautiful.

"I'm kind...? I don't think so. I just don't want to be hurt."

"But isn't that what makes you kind?"

"Why so?"

"I mean, it's not like everyone else ''wants'' to be hurt, right? They don't want to be hurt, either."

"But they get along with each other."

"Yeah. Then what distinguishes you from them? Let me tell you: You're sensitive to the wounds of others. You are scared of being hurt, Fumi, but you're also scared of hurting someone."

Well, of course I don't want to hurt others randomly.

"That's why you are very kind to everyone."

"Reina..."

I'm really grateful for her words.

But I know that in truth I'm just a coward. Reina has merely put a sugar-sweet coating around the word ''coward'' before handing it to me.

But that thoughtfulness of hers makes me happy.

Aah, Reina sure is peerless. Even though she's only in the third year of middle school like me, she's so different.

"You're so lucky, Reina..."

"Mm? Why?"

"I mean... you're pretty and you're smart... I can't help thinking that God treats us unjustly."

Yeah, God is unjust. If he wasn't, Reina and I wouldn't be living in the same world. I suppose God doesn't get around to balancing out everything that he's created, and passes us around even more carelessly than workers do with products on a conveyor belt.

Everyone knows that. But I'm not mature enough yet to accept that I'm "inferior".

"That's not true! You're cute, Fumi," she responds with a kind smile, reading my mind.

"...I'm not. That sounds a bit like sarcasm if it's you, you know...?"

"Ah, that's totally mean! But Fumi... while some people like you prefer me, there are also some people who would prefer you!"

"No."

"But there are! At least there's one, right here," Reina says as she points at herself and smiles.

"But—"

"If," she interrupts me, "If for argument's sake, there were more people who prefer me over you, why should you care? Numbers don't mean anything. Or do you want to be in the spotlight like an idol?"

"That's not it."

"Then there's nothing to worry about, is there? There's at least one person right here who thinks you are irreplaceable. Or are you not satisfied with that?"

"Mmm! I couldn't wish for more!"

"...I see."

Reina puts on her kind smile again, which makes me kind of ashamed of my behavior.

Aah... I'm still such a child. Silly me. Really. I bet Reina thinks that I'm jealous of her beauty, which is actually true. I'm so filthy. Now she's lost faith in me. I'm sure.

"...Fumi, you're blaming yourself, aren't you?"

"Eh?"

"My... you really ''are'' too kind. Do you think I'd taken offense?"

"But——"

"No buts. You're being a little rude, you know?"

"Eh?"

"Fumi, you are a dear friend of mine. Someone important to me. By acting this way, it almost seems as if you didn't believe me?"

"Ah..."

"Fumi. I'm your best friend, right?"

"Of course!"

I can say this for certain.

"You're an irreplaceable friend, Reina!"

A dear friend who could never be replaced.

If Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long since have—

==2==
Another bad day starts.

The fact that I'm usually alone in the morning only makes it worse; Reina often has to go early to school because of her morning practice in the track and field club. I did once consider leaving the house at the same time as she does, but waiting in the classroom until classes begin is pretty painful as well, and most of all, I don't want to bother her, so I decided against it.

I walk alone to school and head to the shoe lockers to change into my indoor shoes.

"..."

What is this...?

''Morning!'' I hear someone say behind me (of course not to me) and hurriedly close my locker. After waiting for that student to leave, I open it again.

"Oh, eh..."

There is a letter on my indoor shoes.

I reach out, but at a loss what to do, my hand stays there until another student approaches. On the spur of the moment, I cram the letter into my bag.

Oh my, oh my... i-is this a...?

I get uncomfortable. I don't know why that is, but there are too many people here. I feel like all the people around me are watching me. Whenever a glance crosses my eyes (and I know it just crosses them and doesn't actually perceive me) I feel it piercing through me.

Nobody would care about me, I know that, but I can't help feeling that everybody keeps watching my every step.

Unable to bear the gazes any longer, I escape to the restroom, and hurry into a toilet stall, and take the letter out.

Stuffing it into my bag has left the letter slightly crumpled — sorry to the person who put it into my locker.

I unfold the letter.

"Dear Fumi Saito

I am writing this letter to you because there is something that I have been wanting to tell you.

Please wait in your classroom after school."

That's all there is.

"Ah...hah..." I gasp for air, finally noticing that I haven't breathed while reading.

What is this about? What... what is this about?

As short as it is, I can still see that, objectively, it's probably a love letter. However, it's addressed at me. A love letter addressed at me? Really? Is that possible?

"Of course it's possible!" Reina says right off the bat.

We're on break and have come to the landing of the stairs that lead to the roof. Because the roof is inaccessible, the stairs here are virtually never used by anyone, which is why we often use them when we want to discuss something in secret (although it's mostly me who has something to discuss).

"How can you be so sure?! I mean, we're talking about me here...!"

"As I told you the other day, Fumi: you are a charming girl."

I open my mouth to deny what she said, but then I reconsider, thinking back at how we went round in circles last time.

"So, how about it, Fumi?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"What's your response to that love letter?"

"Ah—"

I had completely forgotten about that because I was fixated on the fact that I'd received one. Right, I still have to respond to it.

"R-Reina, I, I don't know what to do!"

"To start with, how do you feel about that boy?"

"That boy...?"

I unfold the love letter and check again.

"Well, Fumi? How do you feel about him? Do you know each other pretty well? Or not at all, maybe?"

"—None."

"Hm?"

"There's no name."

"Let me... let me take a look."

I give Reina the letter. She inspects the piece of paper from all sides, and eventually heaves a sigh.

"You're right. There's no name."

"...You've received love letters before, right, Reina?"

"Yes, I have."

"Were there any without a name?"

"...Hm... maybe there was one, but I think it was a case where the sender was obvious. I always knew who the letter was from."

"I see..."

I reread the letter. ''"Please wait in your classroom after school"'' — a sincere request to me.

"...What are you going to do?" Reina inquires.

"Don't you know pretty well what I'm going to do, Reina?"

"...Right. Well, it's you after all!" she smiles gloomily.

"Don't... don't wait for me today after you're done with your club activities."

"Why not...?"

"..." I remain silent, unable to give her a proper answer. I don't really know why I asked her that, either. Normally, I would want have her with me at such times.

Reina gives me a bright smile, "...Hey, Fumi. You've been wanting to go to the aquarium, haven't you?"

"...Yeah. I love dolphins."

"Let's go there one of these days, then!"

Why would she propose that now?

"...Mm! It's a promise!"

I knew why, and that made me happy.

Classes have ended.

I always stay at school even without receiving such a letter, because I wait for Reina's club activities to end.

Today, however, I had Reina go home herself. I'm alone—alone at waiting for the sender of that letter.

As I gaze at an open book, I ponder over who I want the letter to be from. Kado-kun, the boy who is popular in class because he's good at basketball? Mm, I would be happy. The delinquent of our class, Ashizawa-kun? He's a bit scary, but I think I would appreciate it. How about Kogure-kun, although he's a bit strange? I would probably be a bit wary of him, but still happy. And Dojima-kun, who everyone avoids because he's dirty? I wouldn't want to go out with him, but I would be happy.

It's always a nice thing to be thought of favorably.

But how would I respond when it comes to dating someone?

Right now... I have no such plans, because I don't exactly know what would be expected of me. I'm a bit scared, and I don't know how I should treat the other party.

I guess a proper couple has to kiss? But how does that feel? When do you feel like kissing? How should I react when he wants me to kiss? Would he be hurt when I refused to? I can't refuse then... I don't want to be disliked, after all.

Right. Refusal is no option.

Mm, so it doesn't matter who gave me that letter—I have to obey and ''wait in my classroom after school''.

It has become dark outside. The school is going to be closed soon.

Maybe, no one will come. Maybe, it was a joke. If it was—I would feel a bit calmer.

I stow away the book I have hardly read and just gazed at, and prepare myself for taking my leave, when suddenly, the Mizuhara group enters the classroom. They all belong to the tennis club, so I first thought they came to leave their rackets here.

However, their eyes reveal to me that there's more to it.

Mizuhara-san looks at me. "Heh, so you waited."

"Er..."

The girls around her start to giggle as they watch me getting nervous.

"Did we get your hopes up?" Mizuhara-san asks with a grin.

"Eh, um..."

What should I answer...? What answer do they expect from me?

"Probably... I did get hopes..." I answer honestly.

Suddenly, one of them laughs out loud, unable to hold it in any longer, spurring on the giggling.

"Oh come on, that's stupid! No guy would be interested in a sourpuss like you!"

"Kaho! Don't be so mean to her~!"

"But look...!"

"Well, she ''is'' pretty gullible, but that makes it clear how serious her case is, right?"

"Yeah, she's obviously not used to this kind of stuff."

Without giving me a chance to interrupt, Takatsuki-san and Omi-san keep discussing how dumb and strange I am.

I don't know what to do.

Hopes. Right, I had faint hopes that someone might like me. How stupid of me. That's absurd. Completely impossible.

Right now, there is a clear barrier between the rest of the world and me. Transparent, yet tough like tempered glass. Even though they can see me, no one attempts to read what feelings I hold behind my face. Even though they can hear me, no one attempts to understand the meaning of my words.

It's almost like my eyes perceive something entirely different from everyone else. Whenever I reach out my hands, I can only grasp air.

Alone. I'm alone.

Someone likes me? As if. No one is interested in me in the least, except maybe as someone to tease. As a topic to laugh at.

"...uh..."

Ah... I didn't want to cry... but there goes a tear. This will spoil the party. I'm sorry, but I cried, I'm really sorry.

As I expected, they start making uneasy faces.

Desperately trying not to show them my tears, I cover my eyes.

"Aah... we made her cry. Sorry, Saito-san," Mizuhara-san says gently. "But you know? We didn't mean to hurt you. How should I put it... you always avoid talking to people, no?"

No, I simply ''can't'' talk to people!

"I think that's not a good thing, so I thought that doing this, kind of like a shock treatment, might help you. I didn't mean any harm."

I wonder how much truth there is to that? Maybe that was part of the reason, but how is a fake love letter supposed to get me to speak normally? Was there no other way? Isn't that just a pretext to tease me?

"No offense! Really! ...Will you forgive me?"

However, there is something desperate in her voice that makes me nod as I still keep my eyes covered.

"Aah, thanks a lot... I'm really sorry. Okay, see you."

Once I had forgiven them, they quickly left.

...But Mizuhara-san isn't mean. She may have completely missed the mark, but she did care about me. She does take heed of me.

Yeah, she's not mean. She's not.. mean.

"What a mean bunch!"

My inner dialog is being denied. Surprised by that sudden voice, I look up.

"Ah... Kimura-kun..."

Oh no, he saw my tear-stained face. I must look horrible right now...

"Sorry! I allowed myself to overhear your little conversation," he says with an uneasy expression.

"Mmm! I-It's fine..." These words escape my lips because I want to reassure him.

"...They teased you with a fake love letter, right? That's cruel. She... Mizuhara's always like that. You could say that her hobby is to toy with the feelings of others!" Kimura-kun rants, seeming genuinely angry at her.

Is he angry for my sake? For real? If so, why?

Okay, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to calm him down?

"It's okay, Kimura-kun... I knew it was just a trick."

"You knew it was a trick?" he asks while raising an eyebrow.

"I knew that... it would end like this."

"...But why didn't you ignore the letter, then?"

"———"

I couldn't give him an answer. I have no idea how to put it into words.

"Well, whatever... anyway, if something like this happens again, be sure to let me know!"

"Eh?!"

"W-What? You don't trust me, or what?"

I shake my head furiously. It's only natural that I would get startled — after all, he doesn't profit in any way from helping me.

"You're quite the strange girl... okay, gotta go!" he says as he puts a hand on my head with a smile, after which he left. Unable to make sense of that, I just watched him baffledly.

While walking home alone, I start reflecting on the reason why I couldn't ignore the letter.

I expected the letter to be fake — because there was no name, because the paper used was not typical for boys, and most of all, because I noticed that the writer had deliberately tried to fake her handwriting.

However, what if, as unlikely as it is, the love letter had been real? In that case, ignoring it would have hurt that person. I would have betrayed that person and his sincere request ''to have me wait''. I couldn't do that. Absolutely not.

Besides, I couldn't have ignored it either way: the person who wanted to make a joke at my expense wished for me to take on the role of a fool. Had I ignored that request, I would have betrayed their expectations. I would have spoiled their fun. I would have fallen into their disfavor.

That's why I was unable to ignore the letter.

Did I make the right choice? No, I'm sure I didn't. If I were right—

—It wouldn't hurt so much.

Reina.

It hurts, Reina!

I don't want to be '''here''', it hurts!

For the first time in a long time, I have to face that thought again. That thought I always held before meeting Reina.

Right, if Reina wasn't here, I—

I would long have—died.

I have thought about dying countless times.

I'm sure there is no such thing like happy times.

Adult people lie when they speak of their supposedly happy youth. If they don't, then nostalgia must have warped their memories, because they couldn't endure the absence of hope in reality otherwise. Thinking that back in the day, everything used to be better, in order to put up with the present.

This leads to my hypothesis:

Life is and will always be hopeless. We live our pitch-dark lives as we cling to shiny shards that appear every now and then, and then we think back at those shards with a nostalgic smile on our faces. Like fools.

However, I don't have a past to take refuge. I don't have a past to romanticize in my mind when I lose hope in reality. I have no other choice but to accept that life is filled with despair from bottom to top.

Therefore, the only place I can escape to is death.

''Don't think of suicide'', people say. But is that statement backed by actual thought? You shall not kill. Of course. You shall not steal. Of course. You shall not commit suicide. Of course. The answer is so obvious that there is no place for doubt. Those statements must be perfectly true. Dazzlingly true.

You have to walk an endless muddy path that has no significance whatsoever, and you are naturally not allowed to break out. What a hopeless system.

What do you want me to do? What the hell am I supposed to do?

Someone save me! Give me hope! No, I won't be so greedy. Please someone, just notice that I'm walking this path and say a few gentle words to me...

"Fumi."

Surprised by the voice that calls out to me at the perfect moment, I raise my head.

"Reina..."

Only after speaking these words do I notice that I have been crying.

"You told me to go home, but you didn't tell me not to come meet you, right?" she smiles gently at me.

"...I can't."

Even though she understands what I mean, she gently embraces me.

"...It was painful, wasn't it?"

I can't... I just can't anymore!

I'll depend on you, Reina! I'll lean against you! I'll entrust my life to you!

"It's okay," she whispers to me. "I won't betray you."

"—!"

I clearly understand now why I had Reina go home earlier.

It's because I knew that she would comfort me. Because I knew that I would depend on her.

What is the consequence of that?

I have long lost my balance to be '''here''', and needed something to take refuge in.

Needless to say, Reina Kamisu has taken on the role of my refuge, of my shelter.

But now, because of her embrace, I have completely become dependent on her. Maybe that has already been the case for a long time, but either way, I can no longer exist without Reina.

In order to prevent that, I have sent her home.

"...Reina...I..."

"It's okay. Don't worry. I'll... take on your burden."

Her words pierce through me.

I feel how my entire body starts to melt into Reina's body. Slowly but surely, I fade into her.

Such bliss.

I realize that this is what it means to be accepted by someone.

"Uh...gh...," I moan as my tears push up. They fall onto Reina, producing small ripples. I always thought my tears would only fall to the ground, but I was wrong — they have reached Reina's heart.

I am part of Reina, and—

—Reina is everything of me.

==3==

I am changing. The liquid "Reina" is continuously being poured into the container "I", while the liquid "I" is overflowing from that container.

The container is still me, but its contents are Reina; Reina has become my essence.

I still hardly speak anything in the classroom (although Kimura-kun, whose desk is behind mine, talks to me from time to time), but I don't feel depressed anymore.

I am not alone.

That belief gives me strength. That thought I have been holding has gone somewhere far away.

I don't care about anything, as long as Reina is with me.

That's what I thought. That's what I believed.

But not in my wildest dreams did I expect that things could still get worse.

"I can't find my wallet!" Mizuhara-san screams agitatedly.

Everyone present at the homeroom after classes, our class teacher Kosugi-sensei included, focuses on her as she desperately searches for her wallet. The member of her group are watching her worriedly. For a few moments, the classroom lapses into silence, until someone checks if their own wallet is still there, and the others follow suit. I don't bring my wallet to school, but I reach into my pocket nonetheless in order not to be the odd one out.

By the time everyone has confirmed that their money is safe, Mizuhara-san is sitting still in her seat, visibly troubled. Kosugi-sensei walks toward her.

"Have you found it?"

"No..."

"Are you sure that it was there?"

"Absolutely."

"Understood," the teacher says with a frown and goes back to the teacher's desk. "All right, as you surely heard, Mizuhara has lost her wallet. Of course, this may be some sort of misunderstanding on her end, but—" he starts and explains in a ridiculously roundabout way that there is a chance that a member of this class might have stolen her wallet.

The likelihood of pickpocketing is high, considering what the missing item is. Not far in the past, there has been a fuss over a stolen mp3-player.

Mizuhara-san, convinced that it was a theft, is visibly angered, and so are the members of her group, influenced by her.

"Does anyone have a clue where her wallet might be?" the teacher asks.

The students just exchange glances. The teacher isn't expecting any answers, either — the culprit or those who know who did it wouldn't speak up right now.

Or so I thought. But I was wrong.

Kimura-kun reluctantly raises his hand.

"Kimura, do you know something?"

"No, not exactly... but there's something that bothers me."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think that it's common to take the wallet when stealing money. Normally, you would just pull out the contents, right? In fact, that's how the theft in class 5 happened."

"...Perhaps."

"Besides, it would make more sense to steal the money of all members of this class instead of only Mizuhara-san's. Yet, she's the only victim."

"What are you getting at?"

"What I want to say is that it's either a misunderstanding or a vicious joke toward Mizuhara-san."

"It's absolutely not a misunderstanding!" Mizuhara-san disagrees loudly. "Someone has played a trick on me!"

"A trick, hm? How much was in your wallet, if I may ask?"

"...1000 yen and change, but so what?" she answers grumpily.

"So it can't be because of the money, then. It looks like the goal of the culprit was teasing Mizuhara-san; and wouldn't that narrow down the list of suspects to a manageable number?" Kimura-kun says, causing everyone to exchange glances again.

That means that the culprit has a grudge against her, or at least doesn't think favorably of her?

Arriving at this thought—

—I notice that eyes are starting to focus on me.

"Huh...?"

A few students who aren't looking at me notice that a few of their classmates are focusing on me, and thus follow suit. On seeing that, yet another person gazes at me. All eyes are pinned on me.

Why? Why would they look at me?

This makes it seem like... like—

Our teacher, too, notices that I'm the center of attention, and looks at me, only to move his gaze on to Mizuhara-san. I follow his glance.

For some reason, she makes a face of realization.

"Saito," the teacher says to me in a stern voice, causing me to wince.

Just because he called my name? ...Yes, but I but I'm not so dumb as to not understand the situation. To me, this is just like a — death sentence.

"Do you know something?"

"Eh? Ah...er..."

I don't know anything! I'm innocent! But... I fail to say so properly.

"What's wrong? I have asked you a question, Saito."

But he's suspecting me.

"Uh..."

Everyone is looking at me, suspecting me — that's more than enough to make me lose my tongue, but they do not see that.

They understand it like so: I'm panicking because I've been busted, because I'm the culprit.

I'm perfectly aware of that, and I know that I must absolutely answer his question with confidence, but yet I find myself unable to do so.

"I... I..."

If someone was here who understand my personality — if Reina was here — she could explain it to them, but she's not here.

She's not here.

I don't have any supporters here.

"I don't... I don't know any—"

"Kosugi-sensei," Mizuhara-san says, cutting my desperate words short. I look at her in wonder.

There is no anger in her face anymore.

"What is it, Mizuhara?"

"I did something to Saito-san that may have made her grudge me. I... I played a trick on her. Thinking about it now... that was mean of me," she says with tears in her eyes. "But I... I did it because I thought I could help her to open herself!"

Surprised at what she said, I gaze at her. The sorrowful expression on her face isn't faked. Mizuhara-san is honest.

However, it's unclear to me whether she really tried to open my heart with that fake love letter, or just persuaded herself of that noble goal because of the situation she has found herself in.

Whatever the answer is, there is one thing that has become a fact.

Her words have settled my position.

"..."

All eyes fixed on me.

Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.

Like light projected through a loop, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

There is no suspicion in them anymore.

It's been decided.

It's been decided that I am the culprit.

"N-No, I'm haven—"

"It was YOU!" Takatsuki-san cuts me short. "You were pissed off, but you couldn't defend yourself because you were too scared! That's why you resorted to such a dirty trick — to vent your frustration!"

"Don't say that, Kaho. I'm... I'm also at fault..."

''Also.''

The words Mizuhara-san sobbed subliminally yet clearly implied that I'm the culprit and that she's the victim.

As a result, her words added fuel to the fire. With a fire-red head, Takatsuki-san walks toward me. Fearing to be hit, I cover my head and cower.

However, she did not come to hit me. Her goal was my bag. She picks it up, opens it, turns it upside town and pours its contents onto my desk.

And for some reason, there is an unfamiliar wallet among the things that fall on my desk. However, someone has mangled it with a cutter.

"...Saito, you are to come to the staff room afterwards."

The moment the teacher says so, uncontrollable sobbing resounds through the classroom.

Needless to say, it was Mizuhara-san.

I look around.

Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Eyes.

Like an ice pick, their reproachful glances pierce through me.

Reina isn't '''here'''.

In other words—no one is '''here'''.

I don't have any supporters '''here'''.

The next day, my desk has disappeared.

Up until now, I have merely been air for everyone, but from now on, they won't even grant me to be air anymore.

I'm not even allowed to exist.

A missing desk in a classroom is like a missing piece in a puzzle; but in this case it's my desk that is missing. I must be the only one who feels that a piece is missing — for everyone else, the puzzle is completed.

I go to the veranda and move the desk and the chair back to their original place. Original place? Really? No, perhaps the original place where my seat is supposed to be is not in the classroom, but at the veranda.

But while that may be true... I don't want to notice.

White, everything turns white.

Everything besides Reina and me turns white.

Like a novel lacking spaces, I'm unable to make sense of the white world '''here'''. They disappear. Everything besides me flees out of reach.

Or perhaps—

I'm the one who is lacking color.

The lunch break ends without my talking to anyone.

I really haven't spoken a word, since I couldn't meet Reina, either. Not one word has been spoken for me or toward me.

People have stopped speaking to me. No, that's no news, but at least previously, there was no ill will in that.

I wasn't even allowed of the absolute minimum of conversation. Even Kimura-kun wasn't able to overcome the magnetic field around me that has emerged in class.

"..."

I was aware of it.

I was aware of it, but this makes it clear.

No one cares if I just disappeared.

The world wouldn't disappear when I disappeared. The blue sky would completely ignore me and not even let it rain. No one cares whatever happens to me. I'm absolutely separated from the rest of the world.

Again, a familiar thought assaults me.

—I... I can't endure it anymore, Reina!

Why? What have I done? I didn't want to be disliked. That's all... I just shut myself into my little box because I was afraid of getting hurt, yet why do they pierce it with spears?

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

Save me Reina, save me Reina, save me rena, savemerena.

"They're all so mean."

"—Huh?"

Reina stands before my eyes.

"'Huh'? What is it, Fumi?"

"Ah, mmm... nothing."

Classes have ended; I have caught Reina when she was about to go to her club and consulted her at our usual spot on the stairs to the roof.

Yes, that sounds perfectly natural.

Why is it then that something felt fatally off? There's no reason.

"Why would they think that you're the culprit without conclusive proof? There's no way you would that."

"...Well, they don't know my personality. Besides, Mizuhara-san's wallet was in my bag, so it's natural that they would think that I did it."

"Yes, but Fumi... why was that wallet in your bag, anyway?"

"Because—"

I don't really want to think about it...

"...The first reason that comes to mind would be because someone is trying to set you up."

"...Yeah, most likely." Unless I have a split personality. "...Someone who hates me?"

"I... I don't think so. You're not one to make a lot of enemies... I think that someone simply thought that it would be easy to lay the blame on you."

Perhaps.

But anyway, someone hated me enough to be fine with putting the blame on me.

"That's just heartless! We have to find and teach that culprit a lesson!"

"No... no need to!"

"Why? Aren't you suffering under the current situation?"

"I am. I am, but..."

"But?"

"The problem isn't new. It's merely surfaced now..."

"That's not... I mean, you weren't particularly unpopular..."

"You think so? I'm pretty sure it was a matter of time. For example, if Mizuhara-san's position and mine had been reversed, I most likely would have ended up with the short end of the stick."

"No, you're—"

Reina is at a loss for words. When it comes to deciding who is at fault, it doesn't matter what was done, but who did it. Between a teacher and a student, the student will be the bad one; between a honor student and a delinquent, the delinquent will be the bad one; between a beautiful person and an ugly person, the ugly person will be the bad one.

And of course, between Mizuhara-san and me, I will be the bad one.

In other words, the result has been decided all along.

Smart as Reina is, she realizes that.

"...That's not true!"

Reina doesn't believe her own words, and looking at her face, she is blaming herself for faltering.

...But there's nothing to blame herself for, since it's a fact.

"Reina."

"Hm?"

"You're still on my side, right?"

"Of course I am!"

Good.

I have a supporter. I have a irreplaceable friend. I have Reina.

So I may still be here.

"Ah—" Reina suddenly says, so I follow her gaze.

"Um..."

Kimura-kun is standing there, seemingly feeling a bit out-of-place.

"...Kimura-kun? What's the matter?"

"Ah, yes... can you spare a minute?" he asks reluctantly.

"Y-Yeah... what is it?"

"To come straight to the point, Ashi-chan told me to call you out, because I happened to know that you're here sometimes."

"Ashi-chan?"

"I'm talking about Ashizawa-kun! Toshiki Ashizawa."

The bad-mannered Ashizawa-kun...? What would he want from me?

Whatever it is, it can't be good for me. Kimura-kun's expression makes this obvious.

"Err... is he... angry?"

"..."

He just gazes closely at me, and eventually averts his eyes.

"...He is?"

"Saito-san. It might be better if you didn't go," he mutters with eyes cast away.

...It looks like it's more serious than I thought. But if I don't go, Ashizawa-kun's aversion toward me will only grow.

I—don't want that. I don't want to be avoided even more because of a misunderstanding.

"...I'm going."

"Okay..." he says as if he was going to get a beating from Ashizawa-kun.

"Fumi," Reina addresses me in a worried tone.

"I'll be fine," I smile and wave her goodbye.

Brought to our classroom (Kimura-kun immediately left for his club), Ashizawa-kun drives me into a corner, and without any time for confusion, I am surrounded by his buddies, Takatsuki-san and the other members of the group, while a few of my other classmates are watching from a safe distance. Mizuhara-san is here as well, but watching from afar with an uneasy expression.

"Okay. Do you know what this is?" Ashizawa-kun says in an oppressive voice as he holds something against my face. It's hard to see from such a short distance, but I can recognize that it's Mizuhara-san's wallet.

"—"

I try to answer, but the words stick in my throat. Everyone is watching me closely and with blatant enmity; I feel that I'm not allowed to speak. I'm scared.

His right arm, which is right beside my head, might lose it any moment. He definitely wants to. He is angry. And the perfect target to vent his anger on is right before his eyes.

I'm scared! Why are they looking at me like that? I can't say anything! I'm not allowed to speak!

"Hey! I asked you what the fuck this is!" he yells. His right arm is twitching.

"It's a... wallet..."

"Whose wallet?"

"Mizuhara-san's..."

"Right. It's Yuu's wallet."

Yuu? Come to think of it, that's Mizuhara-san's first name.

"It's the wallet I gave her for her birthday. It's the wallet you cut up with a goddamn cutter!" he says, some of his saliva flying on my face.

Anger has made him lose more than half of his reasoning. Had I been a guy, he would have beaten me up already long ago.

"You knew that Yuu's dating Toshiki, didn't you?" Takatsuki-san says with a scary face. "And you also knew that this wallet was a present from him, right?"

I don't. I had no idea that they were a couple. Such rumors don't reach me at all.

"That's why you stole the wallet when you were pissed off, no? You can't hide it!"

No, I didn't do anything!

But I can't say that. Even if I did and explained myself, they wouldn't believe me.

"Do you get that? This isn't something you can make up for with fucking money!"

His right hand moves. I reflexively close my eyes. However, he could somehow control himself and hit the wall behind me.

I mind goes blank like white paint. I'm trembling all over.

What am I supposed to do? I'm scared! Please, don't hurt me. I haven't done anything!

"Save me..."

I mutter at last, cornered and intimidated.

"Save me..."

At first, the others seem to think that I am begging toward them, but they quickly realize that's not the case and are taken aback.

"Save me..."

I seek help. Of course, there is only one person I would seek help from.

"Save me... Reina."

I didn't want to get Reina involved, so I tried to solve the matter without her coming with me.

But I failed.

I imagine how her long her sways as Reina appears and swiftly frees me from their claws. I have a feeling that this picture will become reality. And then she will smile at me with her absurdly beautiful face, "Everything is all right, Fumi."

—However, Reina didn't come.

That sweet illusion took me from the ground to the clouds, to the pinnacle. But at the end of the day, I keep crawling on the ground in reality. I am thrown off the pinnacle again.

"Uh...uh..."

Unable to hold it in, I start to cry.

Thrown off course by my tears, the signs for violence disappear, even though Ashizawa-kun is still visibly angered.

"What?! Do you think we'll forgive you if you cry?!" Takatsuki-san shouts as she draws near to me. "Besides, there's no one who would want to 'save' someone like ''you''!"

"But there is..."

"Who? Your mom? A teacher? They would only help you because it's their duty!"

"There is!"

"And who would that be?! Good lord, you are—"

"Reina! Reina Kamisu is there for me!" I scream. In a voice that might well have been the strongest in my entire life.

Takatsuki-san—no, everyone present—widen their eyes in response to my powerful shout. I'm surprised by myself, too, but I don't regret it.

Because that's the one thing that I will not allow anyone to disagree with me.

I do have an irreplaceable friend.

I do have Reina Kamisu.

I won't let anyone say otherwise.

Taking advantage of their confusion, I escape. I escape from ''them''. I no longer need anything. Nothing.

All I need is Reina.

As long as Reina is with me, I'm perfectly fine.

==4==
As promised, Reina and I went to the aquarium.

There are more visitors than expected for a workday, most of which are families with children and young couples around twenty years old. Probably because they are not as restricted in time.

And of course, we are the only middle schoolers around.

"Reina, are you sure you don't need to go to school?"

"It's fine, but what about you, Fumi?"

"I don't mind at all."

I'm not welcome at school, anyway. My parents won't notice that I'm skipping, either, unless they get a call from school. In fact, ditching school today has made me wonder why I haven't done this sooner.

I look through the glass into the water tank.

Pretty fishes. That's all that comes to mind. They belong to the species ''Chaetodon auripes'', but I'm going to forget that in a few seconds. Therefore, I only feel that they're pretty.

But that's fun.

"Oh, look, Fumi! Lots of jellyfish!"

"Cool."

"I love jellyfish."

"You do? Why?"

"Hm? Well... I wonder why? Maybe because... they don't look a lot like living beings?"

They don't look like living beings — now that she mentions it, she has a point. Inside an aquarium, they still feel a bit like living beings, but when they are held in a water tank at home, they're more like decoration. Decoration that shines and pulsates. When jellyfish are put into a tank in a house, their role changes from a ''living being'' to ''decoration''.

"Besides, jellyfish kind of stand out. All other fishes here are just ''fishes'', but jellyfish fell like entirely different beings. Ah, I'm not making sense, am I?"

"No, I know what you mean. You want to say that jellyfish are simply jellyfish, right?"

"Ah, yes, sort of. Jellyfish are simply jellyfish."

Jellyfish are simply jellyfish.

Looking at Reina, who is gazing into the water tank, I think:

''Reina's also like that.''

Reina Kamisu is simply Reina Kamisu.

Absurdly beautiful, completely different from everyone else, and my only supporter.

Reina notices my glance.

"...What's wrong, Fumi?" she asks.

"Mm, nothing."

She tilts her head.

"Reina... the dolphin show is starting!"

"Hm? Oh, you're right. Okay, let's hurry up."

Slightly swift-footed, walk to the stadium where the dolphin show takes place.

On the way there, we come past a tank in which a large number of fishes are herding together and keep rotating restlessly.

Don't they get tired? I don't only mean physically, but also mentally. Rotating all the time won't get them any farther, after all; they could just as well stay still from the start. If they don't want to get anywhere, is it their goal to continue doing this until they can't move anymore? Don't they feel that such a life is futile?

But the fishes keep rotating, not caring about my thoughts.

The seats at the stadium are being occupied from the back to the front.

"Let's go to the front row, Reina."

"Eh? We'll get wet!"

"I know, but I want to watch the dolphins from as close as possible."

With a wry but gentle smile, she follows me to the first row and takes a seat.

"By the way, Fumi, I told you why I like jellyfish, but what's your reason for liking dolphins?"

"Hm... because they're adorable."

"That's all?"

"No, apart from that..."

Before I can continue, the woman in charge of the show begins the narration, starting with a brief explanation on the ecology of dolphins (where their nose is, that they hear sounds through their bones, etc.).

And then the show begins.

As several dolphins leap into the air to greet us, I am already enchanted.

They are pretty big when you actually see them — their jumps are spectacular and cause the children in the audience to shout in joy. They look so majestic yet adorable.

As they land again, water spills toward us. I instinctively shrink back. While it doesn't reach my clothes, my shoes get slightly wet.

Awesome! That's just awesome! Dolphins are great!

During the show, they jumped through rings, returned balls the woman had thrown to them, and swam around in circles... in a nutshell, it was awesome and I was absorbed.

"Dolphins sure are intelligent..." Reina suddenly says.

"Totally!" I respond immediately.

"Hahaha, you really love them, don't you? Is their smartness also a reason why—"

"Yeah!"

The show reaches the climax, which features a trick where three dolphins have to simultaneously jump over a stick that is set up at an extremely high position.

"And you know, dolphins send out ultrasonic waves and determine the position of objects through the reflected waves!"

"Just like bats."

"Hmm... I don't want to think of them in the same category, but yeah."

The dolphins ready themselves no the signal by the woman.

Are they able to jump so high? Well, they wouldn't be doing this if they couldn't, but I'm afraid that one of them might not make it.

I hold my breath.

The dolphins stand side by side (can you say that in this case?) and — jump.

"Whoa!"

It was a feast for the eyes.

With a grand splash, the three dolphins land in the water, raising a few large waves.

"Incredible..." I say in blank astonishment.

Looking at the wavy pool, I arrive at the thought that dolphins might be the cause for the never-ceasing waves of the sea.

"Hey, Fumi? Dolphins can communicate through sounds, right?"

"Yeah. Although it's unknown how sophisticated their conversations are. I for one believe that their communication skills are just as high as ours."

"I see... that would be nice."

"Mm! Actually, another reason why I love dolphins is because they can communicate with one another!"

"Oh, nice."

The show ends and the visitors start to leave while the dolphins are bidding them farewell by swimming around and doing individual performances.

"You know, when I learned that dolphins can communicate through sounds, I was jealous of them," I murmur while watching their performance.

"...jealous?" Reina asks puzzledly, tilting her head to the side.

"..."

I waver if I should explain it to her. If I continue, I will spoil the joyful mood.

"I think that communication through words is too complicated for me."

But I don't want to have secrets from Reina.

"Fumi..."

"I'm sure that even I would have been able to get friends if we had other ways of communicating..."

"You have me, Fumi!"

"...Mm."

These words of hers are enough for me.

"But you know, lately I've come to think that..."

"Hm?"

"I think that I might have become 'like that'."

"...'like that'?"

Unable to answer her, I look at the dolphins again, which are busy showing their performances. One of them is waving us goodbye with its fin.

I wave back.

And that's what I mean.

I am waving my hand because I freely interpret the dolphin's waving his fin as "goodbye." Our actions aren't in line at all.

Right, as deplorable as it is, I can't talk with dolphins.

But that isn't limited to dolphins.

My language has become different from everyone else's, and that's why I can't get through to anyone. My words don't reach anyone.

Except for Reina.

My way of communication has become different. And that's why I'm getting disconnected and disappearing.

We leave the aquarium, which is in the center of an aquatic park. I walk up to a bench and sit down. Reina sits down next to me.

"Reina? Would you..."

Reina looks at me when I suddenly start to talk.

"Would you be okay if we were the only humans on earth?"

I look around. There's no one nearby apart from Reina, which isn't that surprising for a workday afternoon. We're alone. I wouldn't be in the least concerned if the world closed up right now and we were left behind just by the two of us.

"Hm... it would be pretty troublesome because we'd have no electricity..."

"And if you think about it without such concerns?"

Reina gazes closely at my face, and answers with a smile:

"In that case, that wouldn't sound too bad."

"Really?"

"Really!"

I look at her. Aah, she isn't saying it just because. I'm happy, I really am.

After all, she's different from me! Unlike me, she is loved by a lot of people. Despite that, she would be with me.

"But you know, Reina, your mom would...be—"

—Reina's mom?

At once I get suspicious and stop.

A lot of people?

Well, there must be a lot. She's beautiful and nice, unlike me. But—

—But who is that, in specific?

"Fumi...?"

"Hey, Reina..."

"What's wrong?"

"...I've never been at your home, have I?"

"Are you sure?"

"Where do you live again? Nearby? You must be. After all, you go home together with me."

"What's wrong, Fumi? That's obvious, no?"

"Why is it then that — even though we are close friends — I haven't been at your place?"

"..." Reina remains silent.

Eh? Hold on! What's that supposed to mean?

We're best friends, no matter how you look at it, so why do I have no idea who her friends and her family is, and where she lives?

"By the way, Reina—"

"Don't say it!" she cuts my question short.

"Reina...?"

"Don't go farther than that..." she says sorrowfully and averts her eyes.

There are circumstances...? I don't know what it is, but Reina has a reason not to tell me about her.

Everyone has things that he doesn't want or can't say.

But,

But—

"—That's mean!"

"...Huh?"

"Aren't we best friends? We shouldn't keep any secrets from one another! Or was I the only one who felt that way? Hm?"

"No!"

"But then!"

"It's no good, Fumi!"

"Why? I don't understand, Reina!" I shout and as I do, I notice that a tear is flowing down my cheek, which leaves Reina speechless.

Cold air pulsates between us. That... hasn't happened before. This is the first time that we're surrounded by such cold air.

My feelings had reached Reina. She knows that I wouldn't ever hate or make fun of her.

There is no reason to have secrets.

There should be none.

Yet—

"I can't say it," she says distinctly.

"Why would you..."

Rejection.

No, that's not it. That can't be it. Reina would never want to hurt me. It's something... it must be something that she can't say despite that.

Of course I can understand that.

But—

"Don't doubt me."

I can't help but feel that she is rejecting me.

"Uh..."

Therefore, a drop falls from my eyes.

And once I realize that it's a ''tear'', they start to overflow like a waterfall. Aah, I'm crying way too often lately! Man, I don't want to show anyone my tears. I don't want to bother anyone. But they won't stop.

I press my head against my knees as I burst out crying.

"—Fumi."

Reina's voice.

Reina's gentle voice.

"I'm sorry."

All I could perceive was my own crying voice, which is why I didn't notice what was happening.

I kept crying like an idiot, and when I raised my head—

—Reina wasn't there.

"Reina...?"

I looked and ran around searching for her.

But she was nowhere to be found.

Reina isn't anywhere anymore.

I was standing there in the wide, empty aquatic park, left behind alone in the world.

==5==

People have erasers in their hearts.

While their efficiency differs from person to person — some of them are even incapable of erasing at all — anyone can use their eraser.

Rub, rub. Okay, away with you. You're an eyesore. Please go away. Rub, rub.

Two weeks have passed since the incident of Mizuhara-san's wallet. One week since I went to the aquarium with Reina.

Even after such a time span, no one is talking to me. Like on the previous days, I'm just sitting in my seat, which isn't supposed to be here, and gazing out of the window.

I have faded a lot.

Yet, they keep erasing me. Rub, rub.

Day by day, I am being erased. Bit by bit, I am fading. Rub, rub. Most of my existence has turned into eraser crumbs and gets wiped off my desk.

It's not going to get better. They have already become so used to rubbing me out that no one is having any doubts about it, let alone feelings of guilt. I'll keep being erased mechanically. If there is any human emotion involved, then it's slight irritation because their erasers get worn with use.

And Reina is still missing in this white and fading world.

Why? I'm not going to hold out like this! Reina... why did you leave me, Reina?

Why won't you appear before me? Even if you have secrets, that should be no obstacle for us!

Or do you hate me now?

Whatever it is, I want to see you!

I want to see you, I want to see you, I want to see you!

But no matter how much I beg, Reina doesn't appear.

And somewhere I know that she never will.

There is no meaning anymore.

In this classroom there is only irrelevant noise, irrelevant pictures, irrelevant classmates, and my irrelevant self.

There is no meaning anymore.

There is no meaning... in being '''here'''.

"—Goodbye," I whisper as I stand up.

The teacher is saying something. Ah, I was in the middle of having a 'lesson'?

Oh, he's angry. But I don't get what it's all about — after all, he isn't saying it for me, is he?

Oh, he's not angry anymore. But I wonder why he is looking at me like that? It's the first time someone does that, so I don't know what it means. But it looks a bit like he is scared.

I leave the classroom.

Far away behind me, the class is making a fuss, but it's irrelevant to me. Irrelevant. Completely irrelevant.

I'm sitting alone on the landing in the middle of the stairway to the roof. It's the second time since I've come here that the school building is getting noisy. What time is it? The first noise was probably the lunch break, so it must be the end of school today?

Reina. Will I ever see her again?

For some reason, I feel that I won't. I've been feeling that ever since she disappeared from me in that aquatic park. But so what? What about it? That doesn't change anything — I still need her, so much, so desperately.

Reina is all of me. Nothing remains if you take her from me. I'm empty. A wobbly lump that has no bones.

"Aah..."

What should I do? How can I meet Reina? I don't know! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?

Suddenly, I hear someone walking up the stairs.

I ready myself. It might be him — he might have come like I wanted.

"...Saito-san."

Kimura-kun appears before me.

"Kimura-kun... so you came to talk with me..."

"Yeah... I have no reasons to refuse if you call me out..."

Right. I have placed a letter into his shoe locker to call him here. Like Mizuhara-san did.

"I also brought this here with me. It was a pain to get past the eyes of the teachers," he explains as he holds out the keys to the roof.

"Mm. Thank you," I say and accept the keys from his visibly trembling hands. Perhaps, he has realized why I called him out here.

"..." he remains silent.

"Are you not going to ask...?"

"Ask what...?" he says clumsily.

"Why I had you bring me the keys to the roof."

After a few moments, he reluctantly asks, "Why?"

To tell the truth, I'm not sure how to answer him, either. Because maybe — no, for sure — my answer is going to hurt him.

But that's okay, isn't it? Kimura-kun is just as irrelevant as my other classmates, after all.

I reply: "To take revenge."

His face freezes instantly.

Oh, so I was right. Finally, I could confirm my suspicions.

"R-Revenge...?" he stutters miserably in bewilderment, and gets even more nervous because of it.

"You cut up Mizuhara-san's wallet and put it into my bag, didn't you?"

"W-Why would you say that...?" he counters, still not admitting to it, even though he knows that he can't talk himself out.

"It's okay! I don't plan to question you about it."

As a matter of fact, I really don't feel like questioning and blaming him. As I once told Reina, I was about to get into this situation anyway — Kimura-kun merely happened to be the one who pressed the switch.

My words seem to have calmed him down a bit.

"B-But... how did you find out?"

Do you really want to know? Isn't that going to be tough on you?

"...Should I answer that?"

Finally noticing the meaning of my answer, he looks down and says, "...No need to."

"Okay."

With these words, I slide the key into the lock.

There are several reasons why I suspected Kimura-kun.

My first doubts were raised when he started to converse with me after I had received the fake love letter. I was aware that Kimura-kun had no feelings for me, so I wondered why he would suddenly become so gentle.

Another clue was the general reaction when Mizuhara-san's wallet got lost. Everyone considered me the culprit right away. In other words, something led them to believe that I had a grudge against her. As far as I know, the only discord between Mizuhara-san and me is that love letter, which means that someone must have broadcast the story. But only her group and I, as well as Kimura-kun knew about it. Of course, I haven't told anyone, and Mizuhara-san and her friends didn't look like they would want to tell everyone about it, either.

But most of all, it was no one else but Kimura-kun who proposed that the culprit must have had a grudge against her. He called their attention to me in a blatant manner.

I don't know why he did that. Maybe he had a grudge against me that I don't know of, or he might have had strong feelings about Mizuhara-san and Ashizawa-kun.

But I don't really care.

His story is irrelevant to me.

I turn the key, and the door opens with a click. I tentatively turn the doorknob — yeah, seems fine.

"...What do you plan on doing on the roof, Saito-san?"

"..." I silently turn around to him.

"Saito-san...?"

I answer his question with a question.

"Hey, Kimura-kun—"

"—Do you happen to know ''Reina Kamisu''?"

Maybe I really thought that Reina would be waiting for me on the other side of the door.

This is a place that no one is allowed to enter, despite being so near. It's a place that we all know exists, yet only few have actually been there. And that's why I felt that I would find her here.

But of course, there is no sign of Reina.

I walk to the center of the roof and spin around.

Students going home, power poles established in regular intervals, the shopping district, our dirty river, another school, a house, another house — irrelevant scenery. But one thing within this irrelevant scenery — the glaring red sun hiding partly behind a building at the horizon — feels relevant to me.

The sun is about to hide on the other side, having completed its work for today, but floating there at the boundary, it feels like it's calling me.

I return to the door to lock it.

Now I'm completely alone.

I lean against the fence, and while watching the sun slowly hide its countenance, I think once more about Reina Kamisu.

Reina vanished. Yes, she vanished.

A beautiful and popular student suddenly stopped coming to school and went missing. This should have obviously been a serious incident for this Shikura middle school. It should have.

However, no one talks about it.

Of course, there is no one who would tell ''me'', but even I can perk up my ears for rumors. It's strange. Reina Kamisu does not come up anywhere at all. No one talks about such a extraordinary girl. Is that even possible?

I screwed up my courage and sneaked a peek into her class. First, I couldn't believe my eyes, then I couldn't believe my ears, and finally, I couldn't believe myself.

Her seat didn't exist. Her shoe locker didn't exist. Her name didn't exist. Nothing related to her existed.

Reina is nowhere.

And when I saw Kimura-kun's face when I asked him about Reina, I was convinced.

—Reina Kamisu vanished.

It's not simple death. She erased everything of her existence, everything related to it, and vanished. Without leaving anyone anything of herself, and completely revoking the fact that a person named Reina Kamisu has ever existed, she disappeared.

With the exception of me, her best friend.

But even I only have a few empty memories left — much like a drop of soda on the edge of an empty can. I don't remember where we met, how we became friends, or where we went apart from the aquarium. Nothing.

Those memories will soon wither as well, erasing her existence once and for all.

Reina is disappearing.

Reina, who was everything of me, is disappearing.

So—there is no reason for me to be '''here''' anymore.

I climb on the fence. It's 15cm wide, so I can stand without a problem.

I consider taking off my shoes, but I decide against it; I'm not trying to commit suicide or anything.

I'm merely going to see Reina.

Of course, I can't be sure if can meet her like that. It's just the absurd thought that if she isn't here, she must be "there." It's about as absurd as thinking that a bird can fly past the sky into the space.

But I can't think of anything else.

There is no other way, and if that's the only way, why should I not try it? There's nothing that stops me. Let me repeat that: I have no reason to be '''here''', so there is nothing that stops me.

I suddenly recall what I said to Kimura-kun.

—To take revenge.

Yeah, a petty revenge. By bringing me the keys, you got yourself involved in what is going to happen now, didn't you?

I wonder if he'll be having some pangs of remorse, even though he might not care about me?

I look down, and shrink back a little, scared of the imminent pain that I almost forgot about. That's going to hurt. Ten times... hundred times more than a syringe. But I mustn't flinch.

What is important to me? Meeting Reina. Being together with Reina.

That's all that counts. That's all...

Yes, with vigor!

Because I feel like I can get farther that way.

I take a vigorous leap.

Suddenly, the world spins and changes completely. Unable to properly grasp this unexpected world, I almost pass out.

I can only tell that it's not the place where I wanted to go. I have found myself in a tragic play.

Aah... did I fail? Did I make the wrong decision after all...?

But—

Just as I am about to give up, I realize that I've won the wager.

"Reina..."

Reina is right before my eyes.

"Reina, I missed you..."

She gives me her gentle and absurdly beautiful smile.

"Reina... tell me: where are you?"

"I am—" she answers.

"I am '''here'''. Kamisu Reina is — '''here'''."

Ah, right.

Why didn't I notice such a simple thing?

<noinclude>
{| border="1" cellpadding="5" cellspacing="0" style="margin: 1em 1em 1em 0; background: #f9f9f9; border: 1px #aaaaaa solid; padding: 0.2em; border-collapse: collapse;"
|-
| Return to [[Kamisu Reina Series|Main Page]]
| Forward to [[Kamisu Reina:Volume 1 Atsushi Kogure|Chapter 2]]
|-
|}
</noinclude>

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume 6 Scene 4 (1)

2013-07-17T07:46:02Z

MatrixM:

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume 6 Scene 4 (1)

2013-07-17T07:41:50Z

MatrixM: Created page with "It says junior high here. As I understand it, that's years 7-9. We previously said 'middle school' so I think for the sake of consistency we should choose one name, 'junior hi..."

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume4 Prologue

2013-07-16T20:24:36Z

MatrixM:

yeayyyyyyyyyyyyy fourth V is out!!!! it means more translations!!!!! thanks for your hard work^^

Thanks man!! I'm sooo excited right now!

'irritating smell'... 'easily consume my life'... *very curious*

==Editing==

Tenses need to be sorted here:
"To me it doesn't look like he had a goal. It looked like he has just been playing with us." <-- this is definitely incorrect. Tenses are mixed up.

"To me it '''doesn't''' look like he '''has''' a goal. It '''looks''' like he '''has''' just been playing with us."
"To me it '''didn't''' look like he '''had''' a goal. It '''looked''' like he '''had''' just been playing with us."
"To me it '''doesn't''' look like he '''had''' a goal. It '''looks''' like he '''had''' just been playing with us."

Also, perhaps the second 'like' should be replaced with 'as though'. [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 15:24, 16 July 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume5 Prologue

2013-07-16T20:06:49Z

MatrixM:

Let me ask something that its confusing me... the name of the being that give the boxes its zero (0) or O as letter? I'm pretty sure that it name is zero because it identify itself as a coordinate, therefore 0,0 or 0. If I'm wrong, be kind and point me in the right direction.

Also, why everything is bold?

I still think it's O (as letter) like OH, it sound like something omnipotent rather than zero, personaly i think that way. But yeah, it's just my assumtion, As for why it's in bold, probably it's the same with the original. As far as i remember, most prolog, or maybe dream where they meet O, written in bold. [[User:Tony Yon|Tony Yon]] 23:09, 30 July 2012 (CDT)

:It's the letter. You'll see why. Also yes, bold is for prologues. [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] 00:17, 31 July 2012 (CDT)

:: Then, do the previous references to '0' actually refer to 'O'? [[User:LB Kasen|LB_Kasen]] 16:09, 7 August 2012 (CDT)
::: Yup. I used '0' first, because I mistakenly associated O's name with the title. [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] 16:18, 7 August 2012 (CDT)
:::: I'm guessing from the exposition in the prologue that 'O' is a letter in his name or something. But I wouldn't put aside the 'O' & '0' relation completely from what I've read so far. It's entirely possible the author intended for this alternate view of his 'name', considering all that talk of vectors. Unless O doesn't mean zero in Japan >.> [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 15:06, 16 July 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume3 Round 2

2013-07-15T21:47:13Z

MatrixM:

*joy at the continuation!* | A different 'starting picture', which I didn't notice at first, though seemingly of little importance (though paranoia prompts me to wonder about that). | All characters are seemingly present... ah, it's also worth taking into account the hypothesis that all or some are not and/or were not the originals they are imitating, and so their death is meaningless. | Yanagi continues to be suspicious. The new memories: true or false? I wonder... ufufu. There's still the question of Daiya and the K-person whose name doesn't easily come to mind. | Daiya being able to guess Hoshino's class supports the hypothesis that he's fully aware of his own part (including knowing or choosing the classes of others) from the start. | Very interesting that no one has died, apparently, in the first two choices. Where might this lead...? As mentioned, Yanagi is a focus of suspicion, though this could be a red herring. (What if she killed herself, say, and blamed it on the person she met with?) | Curious regarding whether we'll ever find out what happened to the remembered two, if those memories are real. | Important to keep in mind that it's not guaranteed that these rounds are happening sequentially, one after the other, though it's seemingly suggested that they are by Daiya's foreknowledge of the knife-threatening. | Quite curious about 'what will be revealed' by the end of the volume/the third round (?).... *smiles* | Considering the immediate situation: at this point anyone using buttons will likely be identifiable, unless some way is used to fake a death method. I suspect that use of the knives will come into play as a substitute for the buttons, one way or another. Significant is that, in this 'search for the one holding the box', suspicion has been turned away from Daiya--which is presumably in line with his intention, taking this tactic to see how it plays out perhaps. Full understanding of his motivations is not yet present. Is it possible that he and Hoshino are the only two people there, I wonder? In that case, Hoshino presumably cannot die, as that might defeat the purpose of the game. If resurrection is possible, though, then he can die. Quite curious to see whether he ever does; this round, as mentioned, seems to mainly have shifted from 'search for the Revolutionary' to 'search for the box-owner'. It would be interesting if there at some point were a 'search for the King/{King-related people}'... that might be a little too much to hope for, though. In any case, very interesting! Thank you very much for the translations! *joy*

0 must be somewhere, he should be someone between the 6
in the first round i think he was Daya
in the second round i think he is Kamiuchi

I just realised that the part at the end is the /sixth/ day; this shifts the focus of attention slightly towards 'starvation as an immanent threat'.

I'm starting to get really annoyed by what a flustered wimp Kazuki is. It wasn't as bad when he could get led around on a leash by Maria in the first couple volumes, but now that his composure is really being challenged, and there's a real antagonist that he has to face down in Daiya, he's really turning out to be a useless sack of wet towels. This series is still unbelievably awesome, but having the protagonist be so useless and malleable leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

*Plus, if Kazuki had a bit of character development and became more assertive and intelligent, maybe he could finally catch Maria off-guard and their romantic/sexual tension could either be heightened to a meaningful feature, or even resolved in a romance arc. I just don't like it languishing the way it is right now.--[[User:Variance|Variance]] 00:20, 27 May 2010 (UTC)

First of all, this Round had me thinking '''"What the FUCK!?What the FUCK!?''' '''''WhattheFUCKwhattheFUCKwhattheFUCK!?''''' Seriously just wanted to raeg out loud :/

Second:
"And yet, she lamented to me, looking so shameful.
---It's painful.
She lamented. "

Shouldn't it be 'She '''had''' lamented?' [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 16:17, 15 July 2013 (CDT)
: I think I've figured out what's going now (didn't notice the player tag at the end of the previous Round) but the author is a massive troll for making me think things went completely batshit crazy there. [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 16:47, 15 July 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume3 Round 2

2013-07-15T21:17:59Z

MatrixM:

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume3 Beginning

2013-07-15T19:46:57Z

MatrixM: /* Down-to-earth */ sleep-deprived >.>

I wonder if Daiya is smarter than Maria? And even if he is, Maria has the advantage of over 70 years of experience...
[[User:Liardiary|Liardiary]] 22:44, 21 April 2010 (UTC)Liardiary

smarter or not, i'm sure he will become a formidable opponent if he really wanted to... and it will be more interesting if Daiya had received the Box from before the Rejecting Class... hehehe

I wonder if Kazuki will obtain a box later on...

What kind of box would Kazuki obtain? box of everyday living? O.O I think that would contradict his entire being somewhat...

hmm... i don't think he will ever receive the box even if it's emergency

I don't know about that... He did betray Maria, even if for a little while. So, he might be tempted... [[User:Liardiary|Liardiary]] 11:48, 22 April 2010 (UTC)Liardiary

And the sentence about the girl made me Intrigued.
Maybe that girl links Kazuki to the box?

........ i really want to see that Gothloli Maria..... orz
:[http://www.baka-tsuki.org/project/index.php?title=Image:UtsuroNoHako3_3.jpg] - well, admittedly it doesn't look too Gothloli-ish. :D [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] 07:38, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

o_O today's lesson : check the illustration page OFTEN 
thank you eusth! XD 
"admittedly it doesn't look too Gothloli-ish." << that's where a fan-art worth it :3

== Rather massive editing by Kadi ==

Just now, I just did some rather massive editing on this, frequently changing sentence structure and words. Somewhere I read that I should open a section on the Talk-page when I do this, so here it is. In many cases I tried to improve the flow of the text, make it more succinct or further strengthen the mood I felt. Apart from correcting slight grammatical errors and things like that. Any feedback? Did I succeed at my attempts? Did I make it worse? Where? Was I too disrespectful towards the translator (which was in now way intended)?--[[User:Kadi|Kadi]] 15:13, 24 April 2010 (UTC)
:Looks fine, thanks! :D Don't worry about being [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Be_bold too bold] when editing, though. If something seems awkward to you, just edit it (also helps me to improve my English). I look over most of the edits, so if you change something for the worse, I'll fix it. [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] 23:10, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

== Down-to-earth ==

Down-to-earth means pragmatic. If one is down-to-earth, he is realistic. Also, it should be hyphenated. I think I see what you mean but down-to-earth just doesn't sound quite right in this case. Did Maria mean that gothic lolitas were just a fantasy? Or unreal like a fairytale? [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 11:04, 15 July 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume3 Beginning

2013-07-15T16:04:18Z

MatrixM: /* Down-to-earth */ new section

I wonder if Daiya is smarter than Maria? And even if he is, Maria has the advantage of over 70 years of experience...
[[User:Liardiary|Liardiary]] 22:44, 21 April 2010 (UTC)Liardiary

smarter or not, i'm sure he will become a formidable opponent if he really wanted to... and it will be more interesting if Daiya had received the Box from before the Rejecting Class... hehehe

I wonder if Kazuki will obtain a box later on...

What kind of box would Kazuki obtain? box of everyday living? O.O I think that would contradict his entire being somewhat...

hmm... i don't think he will ever receive the box even if it's emergency

I don't know about that... He did betray Maria, even if for a little while. So, he might be tempted... [[User:Liardiary|Liardiary]] 11:48, 22 April 2010 (UTC)Liardiary

And the sentence about the girl made me Intrigued.
Maybe that girl links Kazuki to the box?

........ i really want to see that Gothloli Maria..... orz
:[http://www.baka-tsuki.org/project/index.php?title=Image:UtsuroNoHako3_3.jpg] - well, admittedly it doesn't look too Gothloli-ish. :D [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] 07:38, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

o_O today's lesson : check the illustration page OFTEN 
thank you eusth! XD 
"admittedly it doesn't look too Gothloli-ish." << that's where a fan-art worth it :3

== Rather massive editing by Kadi ==

Just now, I just did some rather massive editing on this, frequently changing sentence structure and words. Somewhere I read that I should open a section on the Talk-page when I do this, so here it is. In many cases I tried to improve the flow of the text, make it more succinct or further strengthen the mood I felt. Apart from correcting slight grammatical errors and things like that. Any feedback? Did I succeed at my attempts? Did I make it worse? Where? Was I too disrespectful towards the translator (which was in now way intended)?--[[User:Kadi|Kadi]] 15:13, 24 April 2010 (UTC)
:Looks fine, thanks! :D Don't worry about being [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Be_bold too bold] when editing, though. If something seems awkward to you, just edit it (also helps me to improve my English). I look over most of the edits, so if you change something for the worse, I'll fix it. [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] 23:10, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

== Down-to-earth ==

Down-to-earth means pragmatic. If one is down-to-earth, he is realistic. Also, it should be hyphenated. I think I see what you mean but down-to-earth just sound quite right in this case. Did Maria mean that gothic lolitas were just a fantasy? Or unreal like a fairytale? [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 11:04, 15 July 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 May 18

2013-07-15T14:57:38Z

MatrixM:

thank you for translating yet another great volume, EusthEnoptEron-san. and not just that, it was pretty fast too, considering you worked alone. 
and.... that last line of daiya's... what the hell!?? it really made me want to read the third volume right away >.< 
we're counting on you for the third volume too, EusthEnoptEron-san! XD

Damn Daiyan, did he really need to place that curse on us... ==
Btw, thx for the translation, and please translate volume 3 quickly before I died due to curiosity. XD

...But, Daiya's piercings are usually on his RIGHT ear, not his left. [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 09:57, 15 July 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 May 2

2013-07-15T13:31:26Z

MatrixM:

poor him:(i now they want to make him a murderer!!

Very pleasant part regarding the return home on the bike. The 'your relations with your classmates are forever destroyed' part left a bitter taste in my mouth. The 'Aya' part is curious... am I forgetting something important from earlier, or was the information he doesn't have never revealed to us in the first place, putting us in his position in terms of puzzlement? Hmm. Curious to see whether the plotline will be resolved acceptably.

(Same source as last paragraph: have now read the rest! Significant happiness. *smiles*)

EEE: "common law husband" > "de facto husband" ... but it's still pretty clinical. maybe a more liberal edit like "lover" etc would work better? It pops up a lot in this ch... [[User:Grrarr|Grrarr]] ([[User talk:Grrarr|talk]]) 20:57, 6 May 2013 (CDT)

"That must also be '''the''' why" -> "That must also be '''the reason''' why" or "That must also '''be why'''" [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 07:36, 15 July 2013 (CDT)

Should Maria be saying 'desperate' instead of 'hopeless' considering how the guy possessing Kazuki never said 'hopeless' out-loud? Or is this another case of her somehow reading his mind? :P [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 07:46, 15 July 2013 (CDT)
: Similar thing here. "Yes ...But may I ask something first?" He doesn't actually follow this with a question. [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 08:31, 15 July 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 May 2

2013-07-15T12:46:49Z

MatrixM:

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume2 May 2

2013-07-15T12:36:02Z

MatrixM:

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27756th time

2013-07-15T10:48:10Z

MatrixM:

About this line "If I don't what to do, I have no other choice than to be at loss. But no matter how much I'm at loss, the time does not go on inside the 'Rejecting Classroom'. The time won't possibly solve the problem for me.", did you mean "If I don't '''know''' what to do, I have no other ..." ?

:Exactly, that's what I get from doing it in almost one go. :D Concerning EnigmaticRepose remark: "Right, I did never speak out the name 『Aya Otonashi』 in front of her." The quotation marks in "eh? Aya Otonashi...? Mogi-san is Maria? What's the meaning of this?" contradict this. Kazuki is talking about before their conversation. He wants to say that it would have been impossible for Mogi-san to know the name "Aya Otonashi" unless she is really Aya Otonashi as she claims. [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] 04:16, 21 February 2010 (UTC)

You're right. I have bad memory, not to mention I'm often interrupted during reading (and consequentially, editing). I get thrown off track sometimes. ~EnigmaticRepose

I'm assuming this is a typo but in the line "I have to stay in my everyday live in order to protect my reason of life", I'm pretty sure you meant "I have to stay in my everyday '''life''' in order to protect my reason of life" --[[User:Lighthalzen|Lighthalzen]] 23:41, 10 October 2010 (UTC)
:Yup, you're right. Thanks for the notice. (That was probably the point where my sleepiness prevailed over my coffee) [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] 00:43, 11 October 2010 (UTC)

I'm guessing from context that this line:

"He says all this without stopping to smile" (which sounds like he's 'not taking a break from talking in order to smile')

Should actually be:

"He says all this without stopping his smile" (Of course that's not a great choice of words, sounds a little awkward.) [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 05:04, 10 July 2013 (CDT)
"withiut losing his smile", maybe?--[[User:Kemm|Kemm]] ([[User talk:Kemm|talk]]) 05:16, 10 July 2013 (CDT)
: I agree, good find. I changed it to "without losing his smile" as Kemm proposed for the time being. Should anyone come up with anything better, feel free to make an edit. [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] ([[User talk:EusthEnoptEron|talk]]) 06:42, 10 July 2013 (CDT)

<s>I think the use of the word 'bluff' here is a little off: ["What is this bluff supposed to achieve?" 'O' smiles faintly and poses this question to the figure in the driver's seat.] Perhaps use 'ploy' instead? I'm guessing bluff was trying to convey some nuance. Was 'O' referring to their ''deception'', setting up a whole fake plan to corner him? Or was he referring to their behaving as if they have control of the situation/can do something to oppose 'O'? </s> [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 05:30, 15 July 2013 (CDT)
: Oh, nvm. I actually just came back to this chapter after a few days and forgot that he was referring to the chicken thing with the truck. >.> Still sounds a little awkward though. Perhaps just ['What '''was that''' supposed to achieve?" 'O' smiles faintly '''as he''' poses this question to the figure in the driver's seat.] Gah, I don't know :/ [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 05:48, 15 July 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27756th time

2013-07-15T10:46:11Z

MatrixM:

About this line "If I don't what to do, I have no other choice than to be at loss. But no matter how much I'm at loss, the time does not go on inside the 'Rejecting Classroom'. The time won't possibly solve the problem for me.", did you mean "If I don't '''know''' what to do, I have no other ..." ?

:Exactly, that's what I get from doing it in almost one go. :D Concerning EnigmaticRepose remark: "Right, I did never speak out the name 『Aya Otonashi』 in front of her." The quotation marks in "eh? Aya Otonashi...? Mogi-san is Maria? What's the meaning of this?" contradict this. Kazuki is talking about before their conversation. He wants to say that it would have been impossible for Mogi-san to know the name "Aya Otonashi" unless she is really Aya Otonashi as she claims. [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] 04:16, 21 February 2010 (UTC)

You're right. I have bad memory, not to mention I'm often interrupted during reading (and consequentially, editing). I get thrown off track sometimes. ~EnigmaticRepose

I'm assuming this is a typo but in the line "I have to stay in my everyday live in order to protect my reason of life", I'm pretty sure you meant "I have to stay in my everyday '''life''' in order to protect my reason of life" --[[User:Lighthalzen|Lighthalzen]] 23:41, 10 October 2010 (UTC)
:Yup, you're right. Thanks for the notice. (That was probably the point where my sleepiness prevailed over my coffee) [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] 00:43, 11 October 2010 (UTC)

I'm guessing from context that this line:

"He says all this without stopping to smile" (which sounds like he's 'not taking a break from talking in order to smile')

Should actually be:

"He says all this without stopping his smile" (Of course that's not a great choice of words, sounds a little awkward.) [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 05:04, 10 July 2013 (CDT)
"withiut losing his smile", maybe?--[[User:Kemm|Kemm]] ([[User talk:Kemm|talk]]) 05:16, 10 July 2013 (CDT)
: I agree, good find. I changed it to "without losing his smile" as Kemm proposed for the time being. Should anyone come up with anything better, feel free to make an edit. [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] ([[User talk:EusthEnoptEron|talk]]) 06:42, 10 July 2013 (CDT)

<s>I think the use of the word 'bluff' here is a little off: ["What is this bluff supposed to achieve?" 'O' smiles faintly and poses this question to the figure in the driver's seat.] Perhaps use 'ploy' instead? I'm guessing bluff was trying to convey some nuance. Was 'O' referring to their ''deception'', setting up a whole fake plan to corner him? Or was he referring to their behaving as if they have control of the situation/can do something to oppose 'O'? </s> [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 05:30, 15 July 2013 (CDT)
: Oh, nvm. I actually just came back to this chapter after a few days and forgot that he was referring to the chicken thing with the truck. >.> Still sounds a little awkward though. Perhaps just 'What was that supposed to achieve?" Gah, I don't know :/ [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 05:46, 15 July 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27756th time

2013-07-15T10:30:54Z

MatrixM:

About this line "If I don't what to do, I have no other choice than to be at loss. But no matter how much I'm at loss, the time does not go on inside the 'Rejecting Classroom'. The time won't possibly solve the problem for me.", did you mean "If I don't '''know''' what to do, I have no other ..." ?

:Exactly, that's what I get from doing it in almost one go. :D Concerning EnigmaticRepose remark: "Right, I did never speak out the name 『Aya Otonashi』 in front of her." The quotation marks in "eh? Aya Otonashi...? Mogi-san is Maria? What's the meaning of this?" contradict this. Kazuki is talking about before their conversation. He wants to say that it would have been impossible for Mogi-san to know the name "Aya Otonashi" unless she is really Aya Otonashi as she claims. [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] 04:16, 21 February 2010 (UTC)

You're right. I have bad memory, not to mention I'm often interrupted during reading (and consequentially, editing). I get thrown off track sometimes. ~EnigmaticRepose

I'm assuming this is a typo but in the line "I have to stay in my everyday live in order to protect my reason of life", I'm pretty sure you meant "I have to stay in my everyday '''life''' in order to protect my reason of life" --[[User:Lighthalzen|Lighthalzen]] 23:41, 10 October 2010 (UTC)
:Yup, you're right. Thanks for the notice. (That was probably the point where my sleepiness prevailed over my coffee) [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] 00:43, 11 October 2010 (UTC)

I'm guessing from context that this line:

"He says all this without stopping to smile" (which sounds like he's 'not taking a break from talking in order to smile')

Should actually be:

"He says all this without stopping his smile" (Of course that's not a great choice of words, sounds a little awkward.) [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 05:04, 10 July 2013 (CDT)
"withiut losing his smile", maybe?--[[User:Kemm|Kemm]] ([[User talk:Kemm|talk]]) 05:16, 10 July 2013 (CDT)
: I agree, good find. I changed it to "without losing his smile" as Kemm proposed for the time being. Should anyone come up with anything better, feel free to make an edit. [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] ([[User talk:EusthEnoptEron|talk]]) 06:42, 10 July 2013 (CDT)

I think the use of the word 'bluff' here is a little off: ["What is this bluff supposed to achieve?" 'O' smiles faintly and poses this question to the figure in the driver's seat.] Perhaps use 'ploy' instead? I'm guessing bluff was trying to convey some nuance. Was 'O' referring to their ''deception'', setting up a whole fake plan to corner him? Or was he referring to their behaving as if they have control of the situation/can do something to oppose 'O'? [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 05:30, 15 July 2013 (CDT)

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 27756th time

2013-07-10T10:04:46Z

MatrixM:

Talk:Utsuro no Hako:Volume1 Prologue

2013-07-09T15:09:09Z

MatrixM: /* Open dialogue? */ new section

Grarr, mind if I push my opinion a bit?
:No worries at all; I don't bite/tend to _not_ thrive on drama :D I _can_ be a bit stubborn at times :P Also, HUGE caveat - I can't speak for EEE (though I occasionally can summarize his repeated comments/quote him off IRC logs :D)
I feel that in a novel, especially a surrealistic one like Hakomari, maintaining the stylistic individuality of the writing is much more important than following orthodox usage customs. "Break any rule sooner than say anything outright barbarous," after all.
:For sure - in particular, character dialogues are probably the most obvious example where style dominates grammar, orthodox usage, etc.
:A couple of caveats wrt just where I fall on the _targeted_ (vs. where-the-final-product-ended-up) anality scale. You may get the sense that I'm more anal than I actually want to be, based on the "evidence."
#e.g., when I reworked the prologues, I was just starting to work w/EEE and Kadi on V5 on EEE's private wiki for the first time, so the prologues are probably among the stiffest of all the sections that I worked on (relative to the desired/contextually appropriate level of stiffness for a given section, of course). (Separately, I was treating 'O', like Daiya in V1, as ~= pretentious pricks for their default style...)
#Another more specific example: the "his (or her)" edits re: 'O' in the V1-4 prologues were iirc my blindly re-implementing what EEE/Kadi had decided to do for the prologue of V5, in order to keep things consistent across volumes.
#Separately, the sausage-making can sometimes get pretty ugly. EEE's first drafts for V5 were being pushed out in fairly raw form at times, and I/we could barely keep up with his massive TL'g power/speed. I ended up first-sweeping to fix grammar and blatant incongruities (often creating some long-ass, multi-clausal sentences to avoid losing any translated tidbits), planning to iterate later on for style and flow. This...didn't always happen. In fact, the first-sweeps didn't always catch everything, as your edits to V5 already demonstrate :P
A translation is a new work - and I feel that EEE imparted to many parts of Hakomari a very likable style, which I feel should be preserved.
:Agreed, though there are a bunch of facts and circumstances issues that should probably be made more transparent (they largely haven't been, since I roughly thought that ~0 ppl would care - tho you actually do seem to, which is nice :) ) I suppose there's a question of translator's intent (as an analogue to authorial intent...)
# Many parts of the oldest TL's for Hakomari are mutually acknowledged to be, well, barbarous/a hot mess by EEE and Kadi, who were responsible for them at the time - much of V2 is probably the best example (as cited by EEE himself yesterday-recently)
# While parts of some of the TL's have enjoyable and deliberate style, EEE freely admits that much of the 2010 stuff was cranked out in a manner that he found problematic then, and definitely wants revised now. As to how that revision will proceed, I'd encourage you to participate (and while I can't speak for EEE/Kadi, your edits on V5 thus far seem fine w/one or two exceptions)
# Where we're more likely to run into (some) disagreement further below...
For example, the change {I think I asked him something trifling then, something like ‘Why are you giving this to me?’} -> {I think I asked him (or her) something trivial at that point, along the lines of ‘Why are you giving this to me?’}.
(Actually, rereading that, it should be edited to {I think I asked him something trifling then - something along the lines of ‘Why are you giving this to me?’})

It's very, very difficult to explain, but I feel there's an odd charm in the choice of words and phrasing in the original - in this case, it would be the usage of {trifling}, as well as the structure of {something --- then, something like}. Using {something trivial at that point}, while more consistent with current vernacular and rules, removes the bit of 'flavor' the original phrasing imparted to the story. A similar argument applies to many of your other edits - especially the more liberal ones. The original lack of conjunctions is another example of this charm.
:So using this as a micro-example:
# I largely buy your argument wrt reverting to some kind of "trifling" variant (though this is a subjective pref on both our parts wrt "charm"), and would rank (your revised edition) > (my stiff-upper-lip version) > (the oldest/unrevised, bit-too-messy version)
# _If_ we're talking about the same things, the lack of conjunctions (in a decent number of cases) was EEE being lazy / probably wanting to change the style today.
I realize this is also a case of the version first read imprinting itself on my perception of Hakomari as a whole, like the King James Bible on our perception of the Bible - but I'd like to defend that first style, regardless. I do think lots of your grammar edits improved the readability though.
# No worries; subject to EEE's opinions as dominant, of course.
Your view?
[[User:LB Kasen|LB_Kasen]] ([[User talk:LB Kasen|talk]]) 03:00, 27 August 2012 (CDT)
:I think some of the main issues are disentangling
::places where I edit too formally (for whatever reason - laziness, time constraints, bad editing) / your style prefs are generally better
::places where the old version was _really_ bad from a clarity/grammar/barely english standpoint, and my replacement was much-needed but dropped the ball on style points
::places where you have an imprinted fondness for a certain style, but EEE definitely didn't intentionally create said style/actively wants it to be changed in a lot of cases
:Separately, EEE's desire to have earlier volumes "edited" to some degree of clarity/proper usage+flow, and amount of bandwidth available for that purpose...

I'm leaving out another theoretical bugaboo - accurately capturing Mikage's style. It's quite possible that EEE today may be much more capable of doing so, and may want to do so - but that may create a version of hakomari that you find actively displeasing vs the one of your "impression-forming" days...

BTW, a general observation - the degree to which EEE actively prefers liberal editing (with his veto always being final, of course) from ppl he's worked with/trusts seems very different from the regular B-T TL level of preference. This is not particularly obvious since 99% of v5 TL+editing happened on his own wiki.

If you're planning on getting really active w/HakoMari editing, I can _ask_ to see how he'd feel about giving you access so you can get a better sense of how things evolved. (No promisese, of course - esp since v5 has already been released to B-T, he may not see much point to airing out the sausage factory as it were...) [[User:Grrarr|Grrarr]] ([[User talk:Grrarr|talk]]) 04:32, 27 August 2012 (CDT)

:Sorry for butting in here, but I'd like to state my two cents. Also, I haven't read grrarr's comments yet because he posted while I was writing. :P

:I agree that Mikage's writing style has a lot of special characteristics, but I think those that matter are mostly preserved. E.g. the choice of words is due in a large part to my poor grasp of spoken and written English, and I've actually been craving for someone to get rid of that forced, "I-Can't-Into-English" phrasing. Also, I believe it's a trait of Japanese in general (especially light novels) that it differs greatly from the common English style (speaking of conjunctions), but I don't consider that a reason to copy the original sentence construction 1:1. There ''are'' some aspects that should be kept, though, like those "revelations" or "cryptic lines" between empty lines. Long story short: I'm happy if it sounds more or less natural, and not like it was written by a Japanese in Engrish. Everybody has to decide for himself where to draw the line between literal and liberal translations, and personally, I agree with most of grrarr's edits. :D [[User:EusthEnoptEron|EusthEnoptEron]] ([[User talk:EusthEnoptEron|talk]]) 04:37, 27 August 2012 (CDT)


== Open dialogue? ==

Just wanted to confirm that in this line:

The face of the person who calmly asked me that question, was continuously morphing into new and different faces. Ironic, don’t you think?”

There was meant to be a " before Ironic...? [[User:MatrixM|MatrixM]] ([[User talk:MatrixM|talk]]) 10:09, 9 July 2013 (CDT)